Shout out to the guest reviewer who caught a continuity problem in chapter 34 and let me know. Thank you! I made a tweak and that problem should be fixed now. Cheers!
I keep trying to wrap this story up, and it keeps not cooperating. Soon though. For better or worse, the end really is getting near.
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~o0o~
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Chapter 36 - As long as you want me to, And longer by far
Emily is pacing again.
She has been doing that on and off since she woke up, way earlier than she ought to have.
She has tried to stop; tried to manage in other ways the low grade anxiety that has accompanied her since she awoke: She went for a run. She worked through two separate yoga routines. She played her favourite relaxation playlist. She meditated like a fucking champ.
It all worked, for a little while. But soon enough, she'd be pacing again.
It's not that she's upset. She's not, really.
She's not even really that unsettled.
It's more like she's excited, and nervous, and hopeful and wary all at the same time and she doesn't know what to do with all of that.
But it's a good nervous for the most part. And the wariness is mostly caused by not knowing. That is what is actually driving her crazy this morning. She doesn't know what Naomi is thinking. And she really, really wants to.
There was no text from the blonde when Emily woke up. And there has been no text or call or snapchat or even fucking email in the hours since. There has been utter communication silence, and it is just disconcerting enough that Emily cannot extinguish her concern even as she tries to focus on her equally burgeoning sense of hopefulness.
The silence doesn't necessarily mean anything. She knows that. It's not even the first time this has happened. Sometimes Naomi wakes up late and has to rush to get to work on time and doesn't have time to text before she gets there. And then work can be really hectic, so it can be lunch time or even later before she manages to check in. It's fine. It's normal.
But this morning is not just any morning. This morning is the morning after they talked about having babies together – or at least about what to name them if they do - and even though they left things in a good place – a really good place from Emily's perspective – the dead silence this morning after is still freaking her out. It is manageable. She doesn't feel a panic attack coming on or anything. But she is buzzing with nervous energy and questions.
And so she paces.
To make it worse, Emily has somehow managed to get Justin Bieber's "Baby" stuck in her head on a loop like the worst earworm in the history of horrible earworms, and she keeps realizing that she is walking in time to the idiot song as it repeats over and over in her head.
It has to stop.
She makes coffee for something to do, hoping the burble of the machine will drown out the Bieber attack.
She checks her mobile. Nothing.
She makes toast, slathering on a healthy dose of peanut butter for a protein boost, and swears out loud when she realizes that now she's actually fucking chewing in time to the music in her head.
She checks her mobile. Nothing.
She takes a shower, relishing in the pounding of the steaming water across her skin only to turn the air blue in frustration when she inadvertently starts singing the Bieber-atrocity in the tub. She steps out of the shower still disgusted with her musical lapse and flicks on her bedroom iPod in a desperate attempt to "change the station" in her brain. She pats down her body, enjoying the feel of the soft terrycloth is she draws it across her heat-reddened skin.
She checks her mobile. Nothing.
Despite knowing that everything is very likely fine and Naomi is just busy, Emily realizes that she is going to send herself into even more of a spin if she just sits around worrying. And so, she makes up her mind to find out what is going on with the blonde rather than just sitting around stewing and fretting. She gets dressed quickly in jeans and a jumper, tying her still damp hair into a ponytail before covering it with a beany. And then, she is out door. She is nervous about what she is about to do, not entirely sure that it's a good idea. But she is also determined.
Truth be told, she is also pretty pleased with herself for managing to keep her anxiety in check, and avoiding a panic attack. It is another sign that she is getting better, and Emily quite properly takes note of each such sign with pride. It may never stop being a struggle for her, but she is getting better all the time at implementing good management strategies. And she is getting better at asking for the assurances that she needs. And that is why she is on her way to Naomi's office. The trip takes less than half an hour and almost before she is ready for it, Emily finds herself standing in front of the main entrance doors.
At the back of the building, Naomi is in her office speaking with Sam about her schedule. The Court has just set the time for the deportation appeal hearing that she is working on, and Naomi has to reschedule a few other appointments to clear time to prepare. She and Sam are staring at Naomi's computer screen where her calendar is displayed, each trying to figure out the best way to move things around without creating even more chaos. It is obvious from the look on Naomi's face that the blonde is stressed. Her case load was already pretty tight without having to squeeze this matter in. But it is urgent and too important not to prepare properly for, so something has to give.
They finally decide on a plan, with Sam taking note of the rescheduling calls she will need to make, when Emily pops her head around the door.
"Um… the receptionist waved me in. If it's a bad time, though, I can go…"
Naomi's head whips up at the sound of her lover's voice. Emily's trepidation vanishes when she sees the beaming smile break across Naomi's face.
"Emily! What a fabulous surprise!"
The blonde slips around Sam, excusing herself briefly, in order to sweep Emily into a hug. It is almost comical to watch from where Sam is standing, as the much shorter Emily disappears completely from view once enveloped by her taller girlfriend. Naomi releases Emily, but only enough to kiss her hello. The twin looks up, wanting to assure herself that she really is welcome.
"Seriously, Naoms, if this is a bad time I can come back later…"
"Nonsense. We've got it sorted now. Right, Sam?"
"Right. Your timing is actually perfect." The assistant steps towards the twin and extends her hand. "You must be Emily. It's lovely to meet you."
Naomi's eyes widen as she realizes that she has fallen down on making the introductions. "Jesus, I'm sorry! For some reason I thought you two had met before."
"Only over the phone, actually. But it's a pleasure to put a face to the voice, Sam. I don't envy you having to try to keep this one on track!" The thumb point at Naomi is hardly necessary to identify to whom Emily is referring.
Sam chuckles politely at the light banter and the ruffled, "Hey!" that it elicits from Naomi.
"Ah, she's alright, most days anyway."
"Cheeky!" Naomi's outrage is clearly feigned, and Sam begins her exit with a cheery smile.
"I'll leave you to it. Nice to finally meet you, Emily."
"You too. Cheers."
Naomi closes the office door, laughing as Sam disappears up the hallway. A slight awkwardness descends in the silence that follows as Naomi waits for Emily to explain her presence, while Emily is feeling decidedly sheepish about having barged in at all.
"So, did you just wake up? Do you want something to eat? Or some tea?"
"No, thank you, no. Actually, I've been awake for quite a while. And I grabbed some toast and tea before I came over."
"Ah. Good."
Emily takes a moment to look around office as Naomi takes a moment to look at Emily. She turns back around to where Naomi is still standing and watching her. The blonde has her left eyebrow quirked in her incredibly communicative way that clearly conveys her desire to know what has brought Emily to her office unannounced like this. Emily knows that she really can't stall any longer without risking making the whole thing into a much bigger deal than it probably is, so she dives in.
"Thanks for the text last night."
Naomi blushes and shifts, almost as though she would really like to be able to scuff her feet out of bashfulness. Of course Emily is here about that, Naomi thinks. She should have known. It makes Emily smile to see her lover's shy response, it not being every day that one gets to see a bashful Naomi Campbell.
"Um… you're welcome. I, uh... Well, I thought it was only fair to let you know. You know, after you brought it up and everything. Actually, I, um… I've been thinking about it since, and I think I do... Like "Jacob" that is. For a boy. I mean, obviously, for a boy. It would be silly for a girl. But for a boy… It's… I… It's a nice name.
Naomi mutters, "fuck's sake" under her breath, mortified to have been reduced to a tongue-tied idiot by the topic of discussion, but seeming unable to get it together to be any more coherent than that. "Yeah. Well. That's all I wanted to say."
Emily wisely decides not to comment on Naomi's embarrassment, focussing instead on the substance of the blonde's comments. She takes a few steps closer to where Naomi is now standing, approaching her a bit like one might approach a scared dog.
"Really? You like 'Jacob?' For a boy?"
"Um. Yeah."
"And you like 'Hannah' for a girl…?"
Naomi looks up at that, making fleeting eye contact with Emily, before shifting her gaze away again to stare down at her feet. "I've been thinking about that one, actually. I think, maybe I'd prefer 'Anna' instead."
Emily takes another step closer, daring to place her right hand very gently under Naomi's chin, and to exert just enough pressure to lift her lover's face until their eyes lock once more. Her voice is quiet, and filled with warmth and affection when she speaks. "I like Anna, too."
Naomi's eyes shift away again, her discomfort with the topic of conversation seeping through despite Emily's efforts to be as non-threatening as humanly possible about the whole thing. But curiousity brings her gaze back to the woman standing before her.
"Yeah? Anna's okay?"
"Yeah. Anna's just fine."
"But not soon, right. You're okay with that? And, maybe not ever… You understand that, right? I mean, I really don't know, Em. I'm not at all sure I want that, to be honest, or that I'll ever want that. I wish I was. But I'm not. Not now."
"I know." Emily's heart drops more than a little bit at Naomi's words. But the blonde is right. Naomi has always been clear that she was not certain about having kids. Emily cannot say she was misled about that. She is just about to say so when Naomi beats her to it.
"But, I think if I ever do… want that… want kids…" Naomi takes a deep breath, hardly able to believe that she is going to say what she does. "If I ever do that, Em, I would want it to be with you, so… yeah."
Emily blinks, startled by what Naomi has just conveyed. Her jaw drops as she realizes just how significant the words are. She shifts quickly from surprise to excitement and delight. She is on cloud nine at the revelation. Even with the mammoth uncertainty and hesitation about whether to have kids or not, Emily is more than happy to grab hold of what Naomi is offering – and the commitment it implies - with both hands. Before she can say so, though, Naomi speaks again, her own concerns that her reluctance might come between them forcing yet more words from her mouth.
"There's no rush, right, Em?… I mean, we don't have to decide right this minute, do we? I mean, I don't … hate the idea. You know… of babies. With you. You with babies is actually a pretty amazing idea. It's just, I don't quite see me with babies. You know what I mean?"
Emily smiles, wanting nothing more in the moment than to reassure and comfort the love of her life. "We don't have to decide anything right now, Naoms. There's no rush. But it is something I think about. And it's something I'd like to experience with you. I think I would really love to be a mom with you. And for what it's worth, I think you'd be a wonderful mom, too. If you ever want to be, of course."
It is Naomi's turn to grin, both with relief that Emily is okay with waiting, and with joy at the picture the twin has painted of a future life together. She wants to kiss Emily senseless in this moment, and frankly, she can't think of a single damn reason not to. So she does. She leans in until she is so close that she can feel Emily's short, sharp breaths on her face. Then she closes her eyes and closes the gap.
Emily's knees falter at the first feel of Naomi's soft lips on hers, as they so often do, and her hand clutches hard onto Naomi's shirt front of its own volition. Emily shudders when she feels Naomi's hand touch her hip and the twin leans up just a bit, hardly at all, into the kiss.
It is tender and slow, tentative and yet certain at the same time. It is unhurried, and laden with love and sweetness and care. Naomi moves her hand from Emily's hip to her cheek as she pulls ever so slightly away, seeking out Emily's eyes once again. It is amazing how often it is that all that she wants in the world is to look deeply into Emily's soft, brown eyes and see the depth of love and acceptance that blazes back from them. It is the most comforting thing she knows.
"Hi."
A slow grin seeps across Emily's face. "Hi."
The twin breathes deeply, her eyes drifting shut as she allows herself to sink into the moment. She leans into Naomi's chest and rests her head. Naomi wraps her long arms around the twin and holds her close.
This. Just this, is the definition of bliss. It is an oasis of calm and peace in the middle of all the chaos, and it does not matter what craziness may lie around the corner. As long as there is this, it will be alright.
The women stand, swaying slightly in each other's arms, as the seconds tick by unnoticed. With each beat of their hearts, the worries of the day drift away, the insecurities and frustrations are banished. They are grounded in each other, through each other, until only stillness remains.
Finally, Emily leans back just enough to look up at her lover.
"Can we go somewhere? Do you have time?"
Naomi nods, then places a soft kiss just above Emily's left eyebrow. "I'd like that. It's almost 5 anyway. I can knock off a bit early since I've been putting in so much overtime recently. Would you… will you come to my place? No pressure. It's just, I know we won't be interrupted there, and it's quiet. And it's starting to feel kind of weird that you've never been there. I mean, that's pretty odd, don't you think, after all this time?"
Emily cocks her head, bemused by Naomi's awkward invitation.
"I suppose it's a bit odd. I never really thought about it, to be honest. I guess we just got used to meeting at my place. But, yes. I'd love to see your flat."
"Brilliant. I can cook something for tea, if you want, or we can order in if you'd like. Whatever you want."
"Oh, I think you should cook. Definitely! I wasn't actually aware you had learned how to do that!"
Naomi isn't fazed by the good-natured teasing. She just flips her lover the finger and crosses the room to grab her jacket and then ushers Emily into the corridor, locking her office door behind her.
"I'll just let Sam know we're off. Won't be a tick."
Naomi is as good as her word, and it is only a matter of a few moments before they are on their way. The tube is packed and they ride in relative silence, not really speaking with each other on the way. But that is more from anticipation than any discomfort. For both of them, it feels as though they are about to break through another boundary. The reality is that Naomi has been protecting her flat, her safe haven. She has kept Emily away from it until now, a little bit like clinging to her own space so that if everything should go to shit at least she will have at least that one, safe space left untainted. To open it up to Emily is a surrender of sorts. It is an acceptance that the relationship is truly important to Naomi, and that it is worth the risk. It is an acknowledgement that Emily has earned a place in all areas of Naomi's life. And because of that, as simple as it may seem, this short journey is actually pretty momentous in a great many ways that count. And it has both women feeling introspective as a result.
Finally, they arrive.
Naomi unlocks the door, and then steps aside to allow Emily to cross the threshold first. The twin does so, pulling off her beany and coat as she takes in the new surroundings somewhat in awe. It is a beautiful flat. It is simple, but well-appointed. It is not cluttered, but every piece of furniture and art in it is of good quality. Emily is actually quite impressed by the sophistication of the design. At first glance it does not seem to fit Naomi at all. It is almost too impersonal. But then again, perhaps the blonde deliberately sought out a look that would not remind her of where they had lived together before. Perhaps this crisp, almost austere space was intentionally designed to avoid evoking bad memories. Emily's heart pangs at the thought. Thankfully, Naomi interrupts before renewed guilt can overwhelm the twin.
"I'm just going to go change into something less "lawyerly," alright? Won't take long. Make yourself at home."
Emily's head swings around when she hears those words. She could hear the slight trepidation, the merest hesitation in Naomi's voice. The words were welcoming, but it is clear that some reluctance remains. Emily is determined to do whatever it takes to make that disappear.
As she waits, she continues to check out the space. She takes note of the art work – wall paintings and small pottery pieces along with some truly beautiful wood carvings. She runs a hand along the back of the silky smooth leather couch. She flicks aside the curtains to look out the patio window at the view.
The place is not at all what she expected.
There is one piece that fits, though – a floor to ceiling book case chock-full of beautiful, hard cover books. There is everything from the Complete Works of William Shakespeare to a Virginia Wolff that looks like it could be a first edition, to a section filled with Alice Munro, Herta Muller, Doris Lessing and other female Nobel Prize winning writers. It makes Emily smile to see it, so pleased that Naomi has been able to indulge her passion for written words in this way.
But what she notices next flat-out takes her breath away.
There is a photograph on the bookcase. Of her. Of Emily. It is resting in plain view just above her eye level. She recognizes the picture. It used to sit on Naomi's bedside table back in their little house. But she cannot understand. She cannot make it compute, how this photograph could be here, now; or why it would be here after all this time.
"I always loved that picture."
Emily had not heard Naomi approach, the blonde's steps muffled by her socked feet. She turns towards her lover, her vision blurred slightly by tears.
"You kept it?
Naomi just tilts her head and nods, one eyebrow and the corner of her mouth quirking up at the question. That answer is obvious so she does not feel the need to respond further.
"Why?" Naomi is saddened by the sincerity of the question. It is clear that Emily genuinely cannot begin to comprehend why Naomi would have kept even this small reminder of her. It fleetingly crosses Naomi's mind to wonder when they will stop tripping over these landmines from their past and be able to focus on the future instead. In the meantime, the best she can do is to remind Emily that their past was not all bad, that there were good times, too. And that Naomi values those times.
"I had it boxed up for a long time after you left, stuck in the back of a closet. But I took it out again a while ago. It's uh... It's nice to be able to see it again. It's a beautiful picture, after all, of the most beautiful woman I know."
Emily does not know what to say to that. She is humbled by this simple, but poignant gesture.
"But, why would you keep it?"
"It's you." That's it, really. That's the reason. Naomi could not let it go because it is a picture of Emily and it just didn't feel right to throw a picture of Emily in the trash, no matter how hurt or pissed off Naomi was at that time. There is no more magic to the explanation than that.
Naomi is getting increasingly flustered by the whole topic, not really wanting to delve into how screwed up her psyche was when she was packing up their house and making decision after decision about the various artifacts of their life together. Emily notices, and it is enough to snap her out of her own emotional bubble.
"I don't know what to say, except thank you. I'm glad you kept it. I kind of like knowing that it's here."
Naomi breathes deep, resting a hand gently along the twin's shoulder as Emily replaces the photo on the shelf. "I like knowing it's there, too."
The mood has become a little too somber, and Emily wants to banish the uncomfortable echoes.
"I like your flat. It's beautiful, really."
"Oh. Yeah. Thanks. It's alright, I suppose."
Naomi is nervous again, but not really in a bad way. It is just hitting home that Emily is actually standing in her flat, assessing her furnishings and generally staking claim – however gently – to the space. There will be no keeping Emily away now, not without it seeming like a rejection of some kind. And that is a little frightening to Naomi, who has become even more territorial about her private space over the years. But it is exciting, too. And Naomi's nerves are more about anticipation and eagerness than concern or distress.
"Would you like a drink, Em? I have some wine, I think. It's red though. Or I have tea if you don't want alcohol. Or juice, I think, if you'd prefer…"
Emily smothers a grin at the cuteness that a slightly frazzled Naomi presents. "Tea would be nice. Thank you."
They go to the kitchen together, and Naomi walks through the usual preparations, using the time to collect herself. It doesn't take long for the water to boil and the tea to steep. Naomi carefully cradles one too-full mug and carries it to where Emily awaits at the breakfast bar. The twin blows across the surface to cool the liquid and then takes a small, tentative sip. It is perfectly made, exactly as she likes it: one milk, one sugar and only moderately strong.
While Emily sips her drink, Naomi decides to throw together a simple salad – spinach, red onion, tomato, toasted pecans, a little feta cheese in a quick, balsamic vinaigrette. It is one of the first things Gina ever taught her how to make and has often been a staple of Naomi's since, especially on those late work nights when she just did not have the energy to cook. Naomi is no great cook by any stretch, as Emily pointed out, but it is pretty hard to screw up washing greens and slicing veggies. This dish was a faithful standby for them in their first years in London, and there is comfort in the familiarity.
They eat, curled up side-by-side on the sofa. Naomi indulges in a glass of wine, while Emily sticks to water and tea because she has to work later. They talk about everything and nothing, just enjoying the quiet and each other's company after the crazy weekend.
Emily raves about a new band she just heard for the first time, and Naomi listens, far more interested in watching the untempered joy flickering across Emily's face than in the story the twin is telling. They sort of half facing each other, angled inward, with shoulders touching and feet entangled on the coffee table. And they just enjoy being together, being close.
There is nothing special about the evening, nothing at all. But neither can imagine anyplace she would rather be or anything that she would rather be doing.
"This, you and me… it's something special, isn't it? In mean, we've been through the wars, through fucking hell, really. And yet here we are."
Emily looks up at her lover, surprised and yet reassured by the comment even with its reference to their difficult past.
"I think it is, Naoms."
Naomi nods, as though Emily has just confirmed an immutable fact. There is a short pause before the blonde speaks again, her voice almost a whisper.
"I'm really glad you're here, Em."
Emily squeezes Naomi's hand more tightly, drawing it closer to her.
"Me too."
Quiet descends again between them. It is peaceful, truly peaceful at a level that neither woman has felt in a long time. Tomorrow may be complicated and unknown. But today, in this moment, there is a sense of renewed contentment and hope – sensations that they have only really ever found with each other. It is still delicate and fragile, this thing between them. But it is real, and it is good, and they cannot help but embrace it.
And so they sit in the dimming light as night descends, each lost in her own musings, but still grounded in each other, hands intermingled and fingers playing lightly. They sit, and they enjoy, and they embrace the wonder of it all.
The twin notices another framed photograph on the bookcase. It is a picture of Naomi and Gina. They are laughing at something, heads thrown back and hair tossed and glowing in the wind and sun. They look happy together, and Emily smiles to think how far Naomi's relationship with her mother has come.
"That was a good day, that one," Naomi offers, following the direction of Emily's gaze to the photograph. We'd been to the beach. It was mom's idea – something to get me out of the house. I can't remember what was so funny, but I remember that it was actually a really good day."
"I'm glad. Seeing her face brings back a lot of memories."
"She says 'hello' by the way."
The twin lights up when she hears those words. She harbours a fair bit of apprehension still about how Gina is responding to her being back in Naomi's life, so any sign that Gina is okay with that is a relief.
"How is she?"
"She's alright. Kieran is driving her mad just now, but what else is new. She's bugging me to come visit again. Actually, to be precise, she's bugging me to bring you for a visit."
That is all it takes to burst the peaceful bubble. Emily is instantly on full alert, heart pounding and chest constricting, her first, instinctive response one of anxiety and fear.
"Whoa! Hey, Emily, it's okay. Seriously, relax. Breathe, Em. Just breathe. Everything's okay!"
Emily knows that she is over-reacting. This is Gina they are talking about after all. But Jesus, the thought of facing her any time soon – and in Bristol of all places – is too much.
"Seriously, Emily, it will be fine. Whenever we go, it will be fine, I promise. She misses you, that's all. She wants to see for herself that you're okay. You know how she is, the nosy git - she has to see with her own two eyes that I'm telling her the truth and you are happy and well and in one piece."
Emily shakes her head, her illogical fears overcoming her what she knows down deep in her heart to be true. "She'll hate me."
"No, Em. No she won't. She doesn't. She never fucking has, even when I really wanted her to! Honestly, she's pleased we are back together. I promise you, it will be fine. Whenever you are ready to see her, it will be fine."
Emily's heart is not really convinced, although she knows intellectually that Naomi is undoubtedly right. The fear of rejection coupled with the feeling that she has not been able to completely shake that she deserves to be rejected forge a powerful duo. Naomi can see the struggle occurring, and so tries to diffuse the moment with humour.
"You realize that you have to see her sometime, right? I mean, assuming we stay together, which I believe is the plan here, you can't actually avoid her forever… I can understand that you might be motivated to avoid her tofu veggie bake for the rest of your life, but you are going to have to accept that there will be birthdays and Mothers' Days and Christmases and a whole host of other times when you will be expected to pop your head in. And let's face it, Em. If you don't go to her, at some point she's going to take it into her own hands and bloody well appear on your doorstep unannounced. At least if you go to her, you get to pick the time."
Fuck. Emily knows that Naomi is right. She knows that she is being foolish. She just can't seem to actually believe it deep down. But she also knows that it her own baggage talking. It is her own fears trying to take over. And she is really fucking tired of feeling that way. Emily takes a deep breath, her hand clutching tightly to the woman beside her for comfort and strength. "When are you thinking of doing this?"
Naomi is half surprised, but also incredibly proud, to see Emily work through her first fears to get to the point where she is actively contemplating the trip.
"I don't know, really. I hadn't really thought it out. I could probably go this weekend, if you can break free… assuming you want to get it over with sooner rather than later."
Emily's eyes widen like a startled owl. It would be comical if it weren't so heart-breaking. She had been hoping for a bit more of a reprieve than that. But, that would just leave her more time to worry about it, which is probably not the best idea. She quickly sorts through her schedule in her mind and realizes that she has nothing planned for the weekend except work. She will need to get permission to take a vacation day, but she knows that is unlikely to be a problem. She girds herself for the inevitable, accepting that for her own mental health it is probably better to get the visit over as soon as possible. "Okay. Let me see what I can work out when I get to work."
Naomi is cautiously pleased. She knows that Gina will be fine and Emily is worried for nothing. But she is also very aware that this visit will be one more benchmark on the road to their full reconciliation, and it is an important one. Just being in Bristol together will no doubt be a challenge. Exposing themselves as a couple to the attentions of the Campbell-MacFoeinaiugh inquisition may be the least of their problems, but it is a hurdle they have to get over some time. Still, some encouraging words would not go astray.
"Just to be clear, Em, it won't matter even if Gina pitches a fit on the weekend. I want you in my life, and that's all that really matters. But honestly, she's going to love having you home again. I promise you she will."
Naomi pulls Emily closer into a warm and welcoming embrace and Emily melts into it. The blonde places a gentle and loving kiss to the twin's head, trying to soothe away any fears that may be lingering. They stay there, holding each other close for a few moments. Emily calms as she listens to the steady cadence of Naomi's loving heart. Once the shock eases, it becomes easier for her to believe what Naomi is saying. She thinks about the cards that Gina wrote to her, even when Emily was completely out of their lives and nowhere to be found. There was disappointment in the content of those cards, yes, but there was a lot more love and concern. And it is that Emily fights to remember and focus on. Gina loves her. She always has. Emily just has to let herself believe it.
All too soon, Emily's mobile sings out its unwelcome alarm, signifying that their time together is up and she needs to start making her way to work. The twin shifts within Naomi's warm embrace, reaching into her back pocket to silence the device.
"I have to go."
Naomi brushes her lips past Emily's ear. "Okay."
All is still again for several long minutes.
"I really do have to go."
Naomi just tightens her grip on the twin and snuggles closer. "Okay."
Emily groans, nuzzling even deeper under her lover's chin. "I really, really have to go."
Naomi smiles, loving the fact that Emily cannot seem to break away. "Okay."
Finally Emily finds the willpower to disentangle herself, reluctantly and very begrudgingly. Naomi pouts at the loss, but releases her. They rise from the sofa, their hands instinctively seeking out each other as they walk. Naomi follows Emily to the door and helps her with her coat, wishing with each step that this was a night when Emily did not have to work, when they could snuggle up in bed and find more enjoyable ways to pass the hours, ways that would help banish all the fears and insecurities that still buffet the twin.
When the reach the exit, Emily turns back to Naomi and steps up to press a short, sweet kiss on her lover's lips. Naomi nuzzles closer, refusing to let Emily leave just yet. "Thank you – for coming to see me today. It was a very welcome surprise."
Emily grins happily. "Anytime. Thank you for dinner."
"Any time."
They exchange smiles and share another sweet kiss before Emily finally leaves. Naomi watches her until the twin slips from view before re-shutting the door. The place feels empty once Emily is gone. It is funny given how carefully Naomi has protected the space until now, and how very few people have ever entered it. With just one visit Emily has changed how Naomi feels about it. She can already tell that it will never feel entirely right again without Emily present.
Naomi sighs, the fatigue of the day hitting her all at once. She clears and rinses their dishes and places them in the dishwasher before preparing herself for bed. She reads a little, tucked under the covers, but she is too tired to concentrate. With a quick look at the time, she flicks on the radio. It is already tuned to Emily's station – no surprise there. She is half asleep when she finally hears Emily's voice as it glides across the airwaves.
"Some songs, when you hear them, just dig down deep into your soul. You can't believe there was even a time when the song didn't exist, when you didn't know every note of it, because it just feels so familiar and so perfect. For me, this is one of those songs. It's simple and light and honest and true. And tonight, it says exactly what I want to say."
The first few piano chords play while Emily is still speaking, and Naomi's heart skips as soon as she hears the unmistakable hum that accompanies them just before the vocals kick in.
How long will I love you
As long as stars are above you
And longer if I can
It will never get old, having Emily speak to her through song. It will never get old, and as Naomi listens, she vows that she will never take it for granted.
How long will I need you
As long as the seasons need to
Follow their plan
It amazes her that they are really doing this. They are meeting the parents again and talking about baby names. They are planning a future together, and it feels good. It feels right.
How long will I be with you
As long as the sea is bound to
Wash up on the sand
It is precious, this new chance. They both want it. They both need it. They just have to be sure not to waste it.
How long will I want you
As long as you want me to
And longer by far
It is precious, this new chance, and Naomi is determined to wrestle every ounce of happiness from it that she can, for both of them.
The song is short, only a couple of minutes long, but by the end of it Naomi has to wipe tears of contentment and joy from her eyes. She feels a need to reach back across the airwaves to send a message to Emily in return. She pulls out her mobile to text the twin, knowing that is the most likely way to get a message through to her at this hour. She could write sonnets about how much she is feeling for Emily in this moment, but even reams of words could never do it justice. In the end, she keeps it short and to the point: just one small, endlessly powerful word that summarizes everything she wants to say.
"Forever."
.
~o0o~
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The song is "Low Long Will I Love You" by Ellie Goulding. Go listen to it!
Apologies to any Beiber fans. It is kind of a Canadian hobby to give him a hard time now and then.
Let me know what you think! Makes me very happy when you do.