Phoebe
The house feels weird lately. I'm 31 weeks pregnant now and on the home stretch. There are more girls who were here when I arrived having had their babies now then there are of those still pregnant, with Celina having had hers we have a baby in the house again and Daisy has had hers and is having the last of her three days with the baby before he goes to his forever family. There's only Sophia and Jess left, then it's me.
I'm looking forward to the end, it's in sight now and I just have to keep muddling through till we get there. Though I am scared, so scared of something going wrong. Daisy had a horrific birth, when she was checked over when she went into labour they found that the baby had turned so it was lying sideways or transverse and they couldn't turn it so had to give her an emergency caesarean and I keep imagining the same happening to me. I don't want a caesarean if I can help I and the thought of having one in an emergency makes me want to throw up.
"Pheebs here you are!" Adelaide shouts across the open plan before hurrying over to where 'm sat on the couches. "What are you doing?" She asks.
"Just thinking." I smile at her, I haven't been telling anyone about how scared I am about the rest of the pregnancy and the birth, I don't see the point when everyone else always seems so calm about it. I don't want to sound like a baby especially being the youngest one here.
"You haven't heard the news have you?" Adelaide asks and I shake my head, I don't know what she's on about. "Mackenzie is going to have an abortion."
"What?" I ask being taken by complete surprise.
"Her Mom is coming to pick her up later, she's all packed ready to go." Adelaide says and I'm really shocked, I didn't see this one coming.
"Has she told anyone why?" I ask.
"Yeah she told Jess that she couldn't exactly adopt out her kid being who she is and that keeping it wasn't an option and that now she's clean she can do the right thing." Adelaide explains and I just nod before I'm hit with quite an intense deep pain in my stomach. "Phoebe are you ok?" She asks and I nod.
"It's just Braxton hicks I think." I reply but just as the sentence ends I'm hit with another.
"Phoebe?"
"Get help." I say trying to stay calm but my mind begins to race, this is not happen I'm just 31 weeks this is far to soon for this to be happening.
Adelaide dives out of her seat as I clutch at my bump sending prayers up to heaven hoping someone is listening and they won't let any harm come to this baby.
"Hmmm." I moan and bounce my legs as another pain clutches at my bump, this cannot be happening, not now, it's too soon.
"Phoebe?" Mary runs across the open plan towards me. "Adelaide, Lauren is in the basement doing mediation with Sophia can you go and get her please?"
She drops to her knees in front of me just as another pain begins. She studies me as I try and breathe like they've taught us but all sense has left me, this is too soon.
"Mary…" I hiccup.
"I know sweetie, I know." She says stroking my hair gently. "You're going to be ok." She reassures.
"It's too soon." I sob.
"You'll be surprised how well baby's born at this gestation do." She says just as I double over again another pain catching me off guard. I breathe, in through the nose out through the mouth, this is happening so quick these pains are a minute or two apart.
"I'm not ready." I choke as it subsides.
"Ok, I'm here what have we got?" Lauren comes hurrying over Adelaide right behind her.
"Contractions are two minutes apart give or take and are lasting a good thirty to forty seconds." Mary replies and I see Lauren's face darken.
"Ok Phoebe listen to me, we're going to go downstairs so I can check you over and we can monitor baby ok?" She says trying to sound calm and failing miserably, she's firm and she's not messing. "Under the circumstances Adelaide I'm going to need you to stay here. Mary…"
"Yeah."
"My Mom?" I ask wanting her here right now.
"I'll call her as soon as we get downstairs." Mary says but I barely hear her as another contraction as me stopped still and focusing on breathing.
Lauren helps me walk and Mary stays behind me, every time a pain hits I have to stop and I know one of them is paying close attention to every one, counting how long they last and how long between them.
In the clinic room Mary gives Lauren and I some privacy, I strip down my bottom half and climb onto the bed, Lauren immediately popping my legs into stirrups before knocking the light on.
"Ok Phoebe, I need to check you over but I want you to tell me when your next contraction passes ok?" Lauren says sounding so calm and in control.
"Ok." I rasp, already tiring from the pain. The contraction hits and I tense up again gripping at the side of the table and desperate for it to pass. "Ok." I repeat as soon as it ends and Lauren gets to work. I pray again, hard, praying that the baby is going to be ok, praying that we both will be ok.
"Ok Phoebe, I just want to take a swab to test." Lauren says and I nod though she can't see me. "All done." She says covering me up with the towel that stopped me seeing her head between my legs. "Ok the cervix is closed which is a really good sign but that can change in a heartbeat, so I'm going to test this swab now to see if there is a hormone there that suggests pre-term labour."
Mary comes back around the curtain and comes to stand beside me and I'm so relieved to see her, she takes my hand and gives it a squeeze.
"Ok Phoebe, the hormone is there but I don't want you to worry, it doesn't mean that you're in labour it's just a chance that you might be." That doesn't make me feel any better with the contractions. "So here's what I want to do, I want to monitor baby for half an hour in the birthing suite, then I'm going to give you a steroid shot to help baby's lungs develop just in case they decide to make an early appearance and then we'll reassess the pain ok?"
"Ok." I nod and Mary helps me to sit. "Is my Mom coming?" I ask and she nods giving me a tense smile. "Did she shout?"
"It was your Dad." She says pulling a funny face and making me laugh just as another pain comes.
Mary helps me back into my panties and trousers as I attempt to keep some modesty with the towel, truth is I don't care right now, I'm terrified that this baby is making a very early unannounced appearance and that's all that's on my mind.
We go straight over to the birth suite and Mary helps me into bed while Lauren sets up the machine to monitor the baby. She plays around with it until I hear the sound of my baby's heart beat fill the room.
"Take this." She says handing me a weird looking button. "I want you to press it every time you feel baby move." She says gently. "Then in half an hour, I'm going to look at that piece of paper and decide where we're at ok?"
"Lauren is this baby coming?" I ask and she gives me a gentle smile.
"Sadly I'm not psychic Phoebe but what I do know is your cervix is currently closed so baby isn't on it's way just yet, the hormone test is positive so there's a risk baby will come but your contractions are irregular in both the length of the contraction and the time between them so I'm not worried yet."
I give a tense nod and give Mary's hand a squeeze. That all sounded pretty positive to me though I know that could change in a heartbeat, Lauren said so herself.
"Mary, I'm really scared." I say turning onto my side a little to look at her, she's taken the seat beside the bed.
"I know, but we're here and we're taking care of you." She reassures and I take a deep breath as another pain washes over me.
Lauren is just checking over the trace when the door opens and my Mom hurries over to me, the waterworks come the moment she touches me.
"Oh hey, hey Phoebe, it's ok." Mom coos in my ear as I cling onto her crying.
"Phoebe, I know it's hard honey but I need you try and pull it together to finish this trace for me." Lauren says from over my Mom's shoulder. I wipe at my tears knowing how important it is to calm down.
"Is everything ok?" Mom asks turning to Lauren while Dad just stands at the end of the bed looking very uncomfortable.
"At the moment everything looks good." Lauren says with a smile. "Baby is as happy as a lark, Phoebe is not in labour though she's had a positive fetal fibronectin test that doesn't necessarily mean anything."
"Positive what?" Dad asks looking like he's seen a ghost.
"It's a hormone test we use to check for pre-term labour. When it's positive there is a chance labour is close but it can and is often a false positive so I'm not worried. Cervix is closed and relatively thick so I'm happy we're not in any immediate risk of baby coming. What I'd like to do is to give Phoebe a steroid shot tonight and again tomorrow with another trace tomorrow and I'll also check the cervix again, if there's no change I'm not worried." Lauren says sounding a lot more positive now.
"So why is she having contractions if she's not in labour?" Mom asks and that's a pretty good question seeing as I'm having another.
"I think it's what we call Prodromal Labour." Lauren says peeking my interest again, this isn't one we've learned about in class. "It's surprisingly common but not well spoken about, it's like Braxton hicks but while Braxton Hicks are practise contractions and resting, changing position or eating and drinking can stop them and they come in very small clusters, prodromal labour can affect the cervix, can slip into labour, and can last several hours, days and in some cases once they start they don't go till baby gets here. They're also stronger and because of how closely they're clustered together they really do give off the appearance of real contractions."
"So she's not in labour, she is having contractions, contractions which may become labour but could last several weeks?" Mom seems to need clarification.
"Exactly." Lauren beams because Mom has understood but poor Dad looks absolutely clueless.
"So what do we do?" Mom asks still holding my hand tightly in her own.
"Well after I've given Phoebe the steroid shot she needs to just carry on as normal, in the few cases of Prodromal Labour I've seen there's usually an obvious change that tells a woman she's in labour but as you can see Phoebe hasn't had a contraction in a while so I'm hoping that she's not going to have these consistently until birth." Lauren explains, she's being so kind and friendly to my Mom right now I want to hug her, I'm happy because I'm here and I know if things change and change quickly I'm down the hall from everything we need anyway, Mom on the other hand has just come speeding from Seattle thinking I was about to give birth 9 weeks to soon.
"So we go home?" Mom asks and Lauren nods with a smile on her face.
"We'll call you if anything changes." Lauren says. "Now I'm going to get Phoebe the steroid shot." She says before she leaves.
"You are going to be the death of your father and I." Mom says spinning to me and grabbing me into a warm embrace again. "I've never been so scared in my life."
"Mom…" I say trying to play it down to pacify her. "I was fine."
"Hmm." She says before getting off the bed. "I don't want to leave you."
"I'm going to be fine, go home, they'll call if anything changes." I reply not wanting to admit I don't want them to go either.
Dad comes round and gives me a hug and a kiss on the head, he looks like he's aged a lot in a week and I wonder if that has anything to do with me.
"Go, get out of here."
"I love you PB." Mom says giving me another kiss.
"Love you guys too." I add before Mom and Dad leave and I can let out the biggest sigh of relief.
Lauren comes back with a syringe in a sealed pack and a glass bottle and I give Mary a nervous smile. I hate injections. I don't have a fear of them but I hate them.
"I'll give you guys some privacy." Mary days and I give her a confused look why do we need privacy for a shot?
"You may as well go meet the girls for group Phoebe can come and join you when we're done." Lauren tells her and Mary nods before heading out the door.
I watch as Lauren fills the syringe of the needle and flinch, it's a big needle.
"Ok Phoebe." Lauren says coming over and I pop my arm out for her. She laughs at me and I frown. "Oh honey this doesn't go in your arm. It goes in your butt cheek." She replies and I am absolutely horrified, she wants to put that huge needle in my butt cheek!
I say nothing and climb out of the bed and feeling so awkward I pop my pants down a bit to reveal my butt and lift my top up.
"This will hurt but when I do it I want you to focus on wiggling your toes." She says and before I can have a chance to think about it she's poked me and I start wiggling my toes like crazy. She's right it does hurt quite a lot more than I realise.
"All done." She says and I am quick to pick my pants back up. "So if you have any more contractions I want you to just breathe through them like normal. If they become any more intense or any closer together I want you to alert one of us. Otherwise I'll meet you in the clinic room at this time tomorrow for the second shot and I'll check your cervix again." Lauren says gently and I nod. The contractions seem to have waned now and so I'm hoping that's the end of it. "Go on get to group." She encourages.
"Thank you Lauren." I say before heading out very glad that my contractions were a non-starter.
I make my way to the open plan just as the girls begin sitting down for group Adelaide seems ecstatic to have me back as I park myself down beside her.
"You are a drama queen Grey." She teases making me laugh. "Had me scared shitless."
"Ok girls who wants to start off?" Amy asks looking around the group.
"Me!" Adelaide shouts hand flying into the air. "Can Phoebe make sure the next time she has contractions that she's actually in labour before scaring us all silly that the baby was coming?" She asks making everyone laugh.
"No can do I'm afraid sounds like it's going to happen a lot." I say looking at Mary who gives me an encouraging smile. "But I'll try and know the difference."
"Ok anything more serious?" Amy asks.
"Yeah can we talk about Mackenzie's sudden departure because I don't know about anyone else but it's made me really uncomfortable." Missy one of the newer girls pippes up, murmurs it agreements pass between the girls and I look to Amy to see what's going to happen.
"Why does it make you uncomfortable Missy?" Amy asks gently.
"Because she's 15 weeks pregnant, she's got a bump and everything yet she's suddenly decided she doesn't want it anymore and is going to kill that poor innocent baby?" Missy says quite dramatically. I'm not her biggest fan and I'm glad that Mary our Adelaide with me because Missy would have been my sister otherwise.
"Ok. Does anyone else have anything to add to that?" Amy asks and I realise they're letting us lead this discussion.
"I think baring in mind she was on drugs and pregnant that it's probably the best thing for the kid. It could have all sorts wrong with it because of her drug use." Jess says and I find myself murmuring an agreement.
"But it's murder." Adelaide says from my side and I'm surprised, I didn't think she was the anti-abortion type.
"It isn't murder." Sophia chips in. "I think the world would be a better place if more girls like Mackenzie decided not to bring their babies into the world when they've been exposed to drugs in the womb. I think she's pretty brave."
"Not brave at all. Cowards way out of having to be a parent." Adelaide retorts. I look to Mary as this is already getting heated and out of hand.
"I'd like to hear what Phoebe has to say." Mary replies and I'm horrified I didn't look at her to have my chance to speak I wanted her to take control of the situation.
"Well...umm..." I nervously tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I think none of us have the right to judge her. We don't know why she's chosen to go down this path but it's her path to follow. She has a right to make that choice. It's her body, it's her pregnancy and if she saw it to the end it would be her baby she would have to make decisions about. Who are we to judge her choices. Pregnancy is crazy, every day it feels like you're getting the hang of it and it throws a curve ball at you. No one should have to do this if they don't want to, none of us have the right to say she shouldn't have an abortion just in the same way no one had the right to tell us to have one. Mackenzie has made her choice and she will have to live with that. I just hope that it's the right one for her and that she can stay away from the drugs." I speak to Mary the entire time, afraid to look at the others out of fear they're judging me. Mary's giving me a very small smile but her eyes are sparkling like diamonds. I guess I must have said something right.
"Oh this got way too deep for me. I'm going to grab a drink and move about my back is on fire." Sophia says already climbing over the back of the couch. I don't know how she's managing that she's ready to pop any day now.
"Well I think Phoebe's right about one thing." Missy says pulling my attention once more. "She has to live with her decision." Just as Missy finishes a smash has all our attention turning to the kitchen.
"Ahhh!" Sophia shouts. "Guys my water has just gone!" She yells. "Ahhhh!" She shouts as what I guess is a contraction washes over her. Mary, Amy and Meghan grey over to her along with Jess. Mackenzie was Sophie's sister so Jess is obviously standing in as as substitute.
"There's a problem." I here Sophia try to whisper but sort of shouts to Mary.
"What sweetie?" Mary asks.
"This baby is coming right now. I need to push." She says and I see Mary pale.
"Someone fetch Lauren and make some room!" Mary shouts as Jess and Amy help Sophia over to the couch. She calls out as another contraction hits and Mary doesn't hesitate in getting her pants down and off before helping her sit down on the edge of the couch.
I grab at towels from the kitchen drawer and hurry them over because I know this baby may make a very quick apperance.
"Out the way!" Lauren shouts running in like a bat out of hell. "Oh wow we are crowning. Sophia this baby is coming right now so I want you to push on the next contraction ok." Lauren says.
"Girls this isn't a show why don't we give Sophia some privacy." Meghan suggests already ushering is towards the stairs. My eyes continue to be drawn in Sophia's direction though as she yells and pushes.
"And again ok." Lauren says as we start heading for the stairs to the upstairs living space.
More yelling and pushing and lots of encouragement from Jess and suddenly it goes quiet and then a cry fills the open plan.
"It's a girl!" Lauren says and none of us can stop ourselves cheering. We all shout out congratulations over before Meghan finally managed to hurry us away to give Sophia some privacy even if she did just deliver her baby on the floor next to the couch.