Chapter 35: Concerns for Fourth Year
Sirius didn't know how he managed to get the summer he wanted but now he was in search of Octavia,
Sirius knew that he was lucky getting the summer he wanted considering his best friend was stuck at an etiquette school but right now he worried about Octavia more than anything, he needed to check on her so he had left Regulus and his parents the minute they arrived at the platform since he needed to find her.
She was acting strange at dinner last night but he doesn't know if that was because both of their parents were around or if her summer had made that much of a difference to her.
If it was her summer that had made a difference to her he wouldn't even know what happened, when he saw her at Alecto's wedding she was fine, a little nervous for what was in store and even though she developed a foul mood, he had found out it was because she found out who was behind the idea of the etiquette school in the first place.
But when it came to Amycus' wedding the two of them didn't get a moment alone to speak and whenever he looked over at her, she had her mask in place hiding what she was truly feeling.
Just as he was about to try searching for her on the train, he noticed the familiar bright red hair arrive in the designated Apparition area with Dinky. He walked over and gave her a smile.
"Mister Sirius, how was your summer?" Dinky greeted Sirius.
"It was good Dinky, how have you been?"
"Good, but I have to head back. Have a good year Miss Tavia." Dinky disappeared and Sirius looked at his best friend, he might have seen her last night but before that it was a long gap in between visits.
"Come on, let's get on the train and find our friends?" Sirius questioned and noticed the look that went through her eyes. "O?"
"No, I just want to get changed and then sit in a quiet compartment. I will see our friends at the Sorting." Octavia walked away and Sirius stood there, unsure as to what to do.
In the end Sirius followed Octavia, knowing that she needed him more than their friends. He entered the compartment just as she was fixing her cloak, he was surprised at how quickly she had gotten changed.
"Are you alright O?" he questioned as she looked out the window.
"It was just a very long summer and my two free days for Amycus and Alecto's wedding wasn't enough of a break. I just want the train ride to collect my thoughts before I'm shoved back into the population of Hogwarts." Her voice broke as she spoke and when Sirius looked at her he noticed the stray tear run down her cheek.
He reached over to wipe it away but was shocked when she jerked her head away from his hand, she's never done that before. "Should I be worried?" he questioned but didn't receive a response from Octavia.
They sat in silence for who knows how long, it was even beginning to bore Sirius but he didn't want to leave her in case she decided she wanted to talk. Instead he took this moment to continue on with the meditation that he was still needing to do since he still hasn't had a single dream containing animals like Octavia said she read about in the books.
The silence between them was broken by someone opening the compartment door, Sirius opened his eyes and looked at Octavia before looking at the now open door seeing their friends.
"There you two are, where have you been?" James spoke but out of the corner of his eye Sirius noticed Octavia's whole body tense up, he immediately knew something was wrong.
"Come on, let's speak out here." Sirius stood up and all but shoved them out into the corridor.
"What's wrong with O?" Lilith questioned and Sirius looked back in through the window.
"I honestly don't know, we haven't had the chance to talk about her summer yet and right now she just wants to be left alone." Sirius spoke not taking his eyes off his best friend, he even caught sight of the sun glistening off her cheeks indicating she was crying.
"You said she was fine at Alecto's wedding," James spoke and Sirius finally turned around.
"Yes and she was but at Amycus' wedding I didn't have the chance to speak to her alone and the same goes for last night at dinner but something was off about her last night and I was just waiting for a moment for her to speak about what happened during her summer." Sirius looked at his friends, he could tell they were all worried about Octavia.
They might all be worried about Octavia but they also knew that they didn't understand fully how their home lives worked no matter how much they tried, it was why they listened to both Sirius and Octavia when it came to the other. It didn't matter if they had both found best friends with in Lilith and James, there was just some things that those two didn't understand, regardless of their own Pureblood families.
"Come on guys, let's go back. We'll see her at the feast," Lilith spoke, urging the boys back down the train.
Lilith might not know anything about the etiquette school Octavia spent her summer at, but one question aimed at her grandmother and add in the story of Bexley, Lilith was worried.
Sirius walked back in and took a seat, closing his eyes going back to his meditation.
"I know why Bexley didn't want to return for her fifth year, I can understand why she did what she did. If you didn't appear when you did I have no idea if I would have gotten on the train, maybe Dinky would have followed me onto the train I don't know." Sirius' eyes snapped opened hearing her voice, completely shocked at what she just said.
He hated seeing her like this, her eyes filled to the brim with tears but he didn't want to reach over and touch her with fear that she will jerk away from him again.
"What happened O? Why wouldn't you want to return to Hogwarts? You love Hogwarts."
"Bexley was sorted into Ravenclaw, I'm not the first Carrow who hasn't been sorted into Slytherin. They kept it from us, another family dark secret and she was friends with a Muggleborn, apparently extremely close but after what they do, how they treat their students there for the summer she feared what would happen when she returned, if she would be the same girl. Before you ask, all that was in the suicide note I read, mother gave it to me when she visited between Alecto and Amycus' wedding."
Sirius stared at her, wondering where she was planning on going with this. He was worried that maybe she was contemplating suicide as well, would he have to spend the next however many weeks, months, keeping a close eye on her.
"What happened O, what did they do to you?"
The tears run down her cheeks as she continued to look out the window, worrying him even more.
"They feed us Veritaserum so we can only speak the truth, they ask us questions and if they don't like the answer they torture us. Depending on the degree of how much they hate our answer depends on how much pain they give us. The fact that I share a dorm with a mud…muggleborn was bad, when they heard I was friends with a werewolf they really didn't like that."
"Were you really going to say mudblood?" Sirius questioned and she nodded in response.
"There was so much they didn't like, last night I was so distracted with how the year was going to go that I was paranoid. I'm afraid I'm different and my friends won't like me anymore." Octavia finally looked at Sirius and he shook his head.
"No way, our friends care for you. They came in because they missed you and out in the corridor they were worried about you but they knew I knew how to handle it so they left me to deal with you."
"Can I have a hug now?" Sirius let out a laugh at the strangeness of the question before moving to sit beside her and he wrapped his arms around her. "They didn't like our physical contact and I'm worried it is going to get passed on to our parents, you know what will happen once they hear that bit of information." She mumbled into the crook of his neck.
"It'll be alright, I don't honestly believe they are capable of changing the person you are, I believe it's more a fear they install in you, something similar to what your parents have done. You can still be who you have been for the last three years, nothing will change." Sirius spoke as he softly rubbed her back.
They sat like that in silence for a few moments until Octavia pulled away and wiped away at her cheeks and it was then Sirius noticed, the ruined make up.
"Are you wearing make-up?" he questioned and she laughed before standing up and looking through her trunk.
"Another thing they made us doing every day, we had to be 100% presentable, make up included, it was like we were attending a freaking wedding every day." She pulled out the small hand mirror she had placed in there and wiped away at the running mascara, waiting until she could go to a bathroom and wash the make-up off completely.
"Come on, let's go find our friends, everything will be fine." Octavia nodded and followed Sirius out of the compartment.
"Oh I forgot to tell you, I think I've done enough meditation. My dreams are filled with animals, dogs, lions, wolves, cats, they've all been four legged animals." Sirius looked over his shoulder at her and was glad to finally see a smile on her face.
"I'm glad, we'll order the ingredients and make your potion so you can start the next step." Sirius spoke and led her down the train looking for the compartment that housed their friends.
The rest of the train ride seemed easy enough, there were moments where Sirius could tell Octavia wasn't comfortable but she had a smile on her face for most of the ride and she enjoyed hearing about the adventures they all got up to without her, despite the fact that she hated she wasn't with them.
The train pulled into Hogsmeade station and they all left the train and joined the line waiting for the carriages, "how are you feeling?" Sirius whispered in her ear.
"Better thank you, I'm glad you forced me to sit with our friends."
"Anytime," Sirius squeezed her hand just as it was their time to climb into a carriage.
"Ah Miss Carrow there you are, I was wondering if we could have a word." The group of friends looked over to where the voice came from and saw Professor Smith standing there.
"But the Sorting Ceremony?" Octavia questioned.
"I will get one of the elves to bring us dinner."
"Very well," Octavia spoke and watched as her friends walked off but she grabbed Sirius' hand to prevent him from leaving.
Smith noticing the action spoke up, "Mr Black is more than welcome to join us since it is in regards to Muggle Studies."
"We'll let you both know who the new Defence professor is." Peter spoke and they all headed into the Great Hall.
Sirius and Octavia followed Smith towards her office, they both entered to see a spread of food spread out on the table and they shared a look.
"Something tells me this isn't actually to do with Muggle Studies."
"That would be correct Sirius, I was actually wanting to talk to Octavia about her summer but since she prevented you from walking away I'm assuming you know some of it. Now tell me Octavia how was it?" Smith questioned as they all took a seat around the table and helped themselves to the food.
"Why didn't you tell me about the torture?" Octavia questioned and Smith leaned back in her seat.
"In all honesty I was hoping that had stopped, I didn't want to tell you so you would fear something that may not come all summer."
"Then why did you ask me to join you tonight, why not wait till tomorrow or when we had our first class?" Octavia questioned, sneaking a look at Sirius.
She was curious as to why Smith requested her tonight, there was something off about the whole thing and she hoped Smith would open up.
"I remember what it was like being in the Great Hall the first night back at Hogwarts, I was edge having to sit around so many after what happened. I've told you that my husband is a muggleborn, and that we met at Hogwarts, we met in Muggle Studies funnily enough and I had grown fond of him. We hadn't started dating yet with fear of what my parents would think, I know we were allowed to date but with a muggleborn, that wouldn't end well. For weeks he would sit next to me in class and I was on edge, he eventually broke down the walls and I told him what happened during my summer." Smith spoke and Octavia caught her rubbing her wrist.
Octavia instantly rubbed her own, wondering if Smith had the same burn mark there that she did.
"How did you manage to get back on the train, if it wasn't for Sirius spotting me I have no idea if I would have got on the train?"
"I honestly have no idea, but talk to your friends Octavia even if it is just Sirius. You have to break down the walls that they forced you to build, it will be hard but it is needed if you want to get past what they did and not many girls do. I can see it in the Slytherin students, I can pick which girls spend the summer before fifth year at that school and some don't make it, they lose themselves, much like your cousin Bellatrix Sirius."
"Did you know my cousin Bexley?"
"No I didn't, she was a student before I became a professor here. I took time off after my graduation, I spent time with my husband, I learnt about the Muggle world and made a life for myself within it. I ran into Dumbledore during a visit to Hogsmeade and he told me about the opening and suggested that I would be an excellent professor because of my upbringing." Smith spoke and Sirius nodded before placing his plate down on the table.
"How did your husband break down your walls?" Sirius questioned, hoping to have an easier way into helping his best friend.
"That I can't tell you, it varies person to person. My husband, obviously cared for me and wanted me to be who I was before that summer. You two obviously care for each other, whether it's what I had with my husband or just friendly, you have to find what works for you." Smith explained and they both nodded. "I have to make some sort of an appearance down in the Great Hall tonight, you are both welcome to continue eating in here or head back to the Gryffindor common room, you are welcome to go downstairs but I suggest stay away from there tonight. The password to your common room is Fireball." Smith gave them both small smiles before she got up and left the room, leaving them alone.
Sirius got up and moved so he was kneeling in front of Octavia, "we will get past this, you managed to get past your parents abuse, you found work arounds or made sure they didn't find out what you were getting up to. You never once let what they think change who you are, for years our parents were talking about their views on werewolves but yet you so easily accepted Moony. What was the schools view on werewolves?"
"They hated them," she spoke softly.
"Figures," Sirius scoffed. "How do you feel about Moony now?"
"He's still the same person, he has no control over what happens to him." Sirius smiled at her.
"Exactly, they haven't changed your views of Moony so they can't change anything else, you don't have to let them change anything about you." Octavia nodded as Sirius' arms went around her, he could feel her body tense for a couple of seconds before she relaxed against him.
"Do they know about you being a Dreamer?" he questioned and she shook his head against her, "that's good, that's something."
The rest of the group of friends were sitting in the Great Hall, occasionally looking towards the door in hopes that Sirius and Octavia would arrive and join them at the table. It wasn't until the sorting was over and Professor Smith appeared that Remus realised something.
"What do you think is taking Sirius and O?" Peter questioned and Remus looked at him.
"I don't think they will be joining us tonight…" He stated, causing James and Lilith to look at him as well.
"What makes you think that?" Lilith questioned.
"I honestly don't believe that they have something to talk about with Smith in regards to Muggle Studies, they both told us that Smith is from one of the same families as them. Something tells me that she knows what Octavia did for her summer break and understands, better than we would. Smith has most likely given them permission to skip the sorting and organised food for them elsewhere." Remus explained and James looked up to the professors table.
"How bad do you think O's summer was Moony?" James questioned.
"We heard the stories about O's cousin and how she killed herself, O is here so that is something."
"We've all told them both they can tell us anything but yet they still have secrets amongst the two of them, I don't think we will hear how truly bad her summer was." Lilith spoke sounding more upset then she looked and Remus gave her hand a squeeze.
.oOo.
"What are you doing?" Octavia jumped at the sound of Regulus' voice, she hated that both Black brothers were good at sneaking around.
"Just looking for something, what are you doing in the library, it's not a place where you see too many Slytherins these days." Octavia spoke while turning around to face him, she was actually in the library looking for the book that contained the next potion for the Animagus transformation process. She was annoyed with herself for not making a copy of it when she had the book.
They had only been back at Hogwarts for a week but she still unable to find the book she needed yet.
"I was looking for you actually."
Octavia smirked at him and walked over to where her bag was placed on the table behind her, "why is it that every time I find you in the library you are in fact looking for me?"
"Quidditch try outs are next week…"
"And you're hoping I will help you one last time before then?"
"That's the plan," Regulus grinned at her and she let out a laugh.
"You free now? We can go down now?" Regulus nodded at Octavia's questioned and the two of them left the library heading towards the Quidditch Pitch hoping no one was out there.
"How bad was it?"
Octavia turned and looked at him in confusion, they had mostly stayed silent the whole way down and Regulus didn't speak until they were outside.
"What are you on about?" she questioned, not liking the look on his face.
"You forget how often our parents have dinner, they spoke a bit about your summer at the etiquette school."
"What makes you think it was bad?" she questioned instead, she wanted to know more about what was spoken about during the dinners but she was unsure as to if he would actually tell her.
"I may be younger than you and Sirius but I still remember Bella returning from that school, our parents talked about someone named Bexley and how the school affected her, but the thing that gives it away the most is your eyes. No matter how calm and neutral your face appears because of the etiquette training we both had growing up, your eyes always give away what you are truly feeling and right now they are so different to what they were before the summer began." Regulus spoke and Octavia was shocked at what he said, she turned her head so she wasn't looking at him anymore.
"Come on," she ordered.
She knew she was always closer to Sirius because they had more in common, it didn't matter if she was meant to marry Regulus one day, she had always gotten along with Sirius better. What she didn't expect was how well Regulus actually knew her, she cared for the younger boy, she actually didn't mind his company but she wouldn't be able to tell you too much about him. The only reason she could read his facial expressions and body language was because some of it was the same ones she saw on Sirius.
"I'm sorry if I crossed a line," Regulus spoke softly and Octavia's steps froze, she had never heard his voice that soft. There was always an air of authority to his voice when he spoke, the same one her brother had.
"You didn't cross a line, I just never realised you knew me that well is all."
"My brother isn't the only one that cares about you O, regardless of us having to marry come my graduation I do care about you, I do hope that our marriage can be friendlier then some of other ones we have seen." Octavia nodded before she started walking again.
"I have a feeling we will get along better than what Sirius and Makenna will."
"I don't know, there are rumours floating around Slytherin that she has been seen kissing him." Regulus spoke and she could hear the teasing tone in his voice.
"And every time she does he wants to bite her head off."
Regulus let out a laugh causing Octavia to smile, "Sirius always hated being told what to do."
"Come on, lets actually get some work done instead of gossiping about Sirius."
As soon as Octavia stepped foot into the secluded room she shared with her friends hoping they were in there, Sirius instantly jumped up from the couch and rushed over so he was standing in front of her.
"Where have you been?" he questioned but there was something about the tone of his voice that made her suggest that maybe he already knew the answer to it.
"Oh you know, I just thought I'd head down to Hogsmeade for the afternoon, visit Honeydukes, Zonko's grab some butterbeer from the Three Broomsticks." She spoke, stepping past him entering the room allowing her to notice who else was in the room.
"Where was our invite? Wait how did you get down there?" Peter spoke up and James laughed before patting him on the back and whispering something in his ear.
Sirius grabbed her wrist to prevent her from walking away from him. "Don't mess with me O, I know you were with him. I thought the Quidditch sessions stopped." He growled out and she just rolled her eyes.
"Honestly what is your problem? What is so wrong with me spending time with Regulus considering we are meant to get married one day, or do you have some brilliant scheme that will prevent that from happening? That will prevent both of us from having to get married?" Octavia snapped at him before ripping her arm from his grasp.
"What the hell do you think I plan on doing the moment I gain my inheritance? Just sit back and enjoy the money? No I plan on cancelling both of our marriages, giving both of us the lives you've wanted your whole life!" Sirius yelled and that was when the rest of their friends looked up at the two of them.
They were used to arguments breaking out between the two of them but for them both to be yelling, it couldn't be a good sign.
"What about your brother? Do you honestly not care about him at all? Just because he enjoys being a part of that life doesn't mean he will be happy if you cancel our marriage, if you cancel it you and I both know he will be isolated from them all. He won't be able to find another wife because majority of the acceptable families that have girls our age are already taken."
"And there you are thinking that I actually care about him, I don't care about him, I don't care about our families, I don't care about any of them. The only one care about from those god forsaken families is you!" Sirius yelled at her.
Octavia didn't say anything, she just raised her hand and slapped him before storming off.
Sirius stood there with a hand on the side of his face that Octavia slapped in complete and utter shock, he slowly turned and faced his friends and they were all sitting there with their mouths opened at what just happened.
Lilith was the first one to recover and she stood up quickly rushing out of the room in search of Octavia knowing that Sirius was the last person she would want to speak to.
"Has she ever hit you before?" Remus questioned as Sirius took a seat on the couch.
"I've never seen her slap anyone, I've never known her to become physical when she's angry." Sirius spoke, still in disbelief.
"Why was she so angry? You've stated before that you don't care for your family, why did she get so angry this time?" Peter questioned and Sirius stood up, heading over to the entrance.
"Maybe you should leave her alone mate, let Lilith deal with her this time." James spoke and they all watched as Sirius ran his hands through his hair before he gripped it.
"Sirius?" James questioned, standing up and making his way over to where Sirius was standing.
Sirius didn't say anything just walked over to where the goblets the house elves had brought to them were sitting, picked them up and threw them against the wall.
Remus waved his wand and fixed the goblets before turning to face Sirius, he didn't get the chance to say anything before Sirius turned and left the room.
"Well what the bloody hell do we do now?" James questioned, Peter and Remus shared a look before shrugging in response.
.oOo.
A/N: Thank you to everyone who continues to read, set alerts and review my story it means a lot to me but reviews mean even more.
Raven that flies at night thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me. Do you still want to break the rules after hearing just some of what she went through?
Dreams and Pixie Dust thank you for reviewing, it means a lot to me. Ah yes, the Marauders fourth year at Hogwarts, there are some interesting things set in store for them, pay attention.