Chapter 37

Standing in the elevator, Miranda found herself thinking that there had been times in the past when this journey had been easier. It wasn't that she and Katelyn were fighting, but there was a subtle tension between the two of them. She always wondered whether it was present between her and the other crew members as well, but she didn't have the heart to ask them. There were very few that she was willing to speak to about such matters. She would have considered speaking to Karin Chakwas, because she trusted the woman. But she also knew that the doctor was loyal to Katelyn and, for that matter, was bound to be a little bit distracted in the next few days.

When we've all rested and recollected our thoughts we'll do better, Miranda tried to tell herself. The Normandy will find its balance again. The thought made her smile mirthlessly. That is, after all, what Dr Murdoch was for.

Stepping out of the elevator on the commander's deck, Miranda mentally went through the list of things she needed to discuss with Katelyn. The commander opened the door seconds after she stepped out the elevator, the woman's smile thin and tired. Studying her features, Miranda wondered what had happened the night before when she had been mysteriously called away from the Normandy.

"Commander," she said by way of greeting. "Thank you for seeing me earlier." She felt Katelyn study her and wondered what the woman saw in her face. Her smile was warmer than Miranda expected. She looked tired, if not hung over. Did you eat last night?

"My pleasure, Miranda," Katelyn intoned. "It's not as if I have anywhere else to be." There was a touch of disbelief in her voice and it made sense. This was the first time since they woke her from death that Katelyn Shepard had nowhere she needed to go. Miranda wondered what effect it would have on her. For most of her life, Katelyn had been in the military – a profession where there was always something to occupy yourself with.

Is it freeing? Or do you feel lost?

She smiled at Katelyn regardless and made her own way to the commander's living area, where they usually had these meetings. Katelyn had already prepared them some coffee, a few datapads spread out on the desk. Mentally switching to her list, Miranda made sure to give Katelyn a light, curious look as she posed her first question.

"Have you heard anything from Allers?"

Katelyn settled on the couch, her smile neutral. "You'll be the first to know if I do," she pointed out. "Nothing yet. Have you thought about whether we will actually adhere to her request when it comes?"

Miranda shrugged, shifting her features to cautious honesty. "I am not comfortable with the idea at all," she said. "But if she approaches us with the right angle, it can do… good." She shifted. "But she will have to be watched closely. The directive that we have put to EDI not to divulge any conversations between Dr Murdoch and his patients will definitively not count if she comes here."

Katelyn's nod was slow as she motioned to one of the data files. "I see he is coming today," she pointed out. "He was able to make travel arrangements quite quickly."

Having thought the same thing, Miranda shrugged. "I have a meeting with him later this afternoon," she pointed out. "Part of the reason I wanted to move ours."

The commander was very quick.

"Part?"

Shifting suddenly, feeling strangely awkward, Miranda nodded. "I… want to ask if I can be dismissed for the evening," she pointed out. "I have… some personal business to attend to in Nos Astra. I might be out all night."

Katelyn's smile was genuine and slightly amused.

"Miranda," she said and the woman Miranda had come to respect, the steady, warm commander whom she had given her loyalty to, made a brief and welcome appearance. "You hardly need to ask. You deserve a break more than I do."

Awkward, Miranda shrugged, unsure of whether her appointment would be business or pleasure. Katelyn seemed to read her unease and shifted, leaning a little bit closer. "Is your sister alright?" she asked. Realising that she had never gotten around to telling Katelyn that she had moved her family, she nodded quickly.

"Yes," she said quickly and hesitated. A little bit of honestly would go a long way. "I moved her and her family to Elysium. My father has not stopped his search and concentrated his efforts on Nos Astra. Because it's Illium, I am uncomfortable with the amount of man power he can hire. It would be far more difficult for him to do the same in Elysium."

Katelyn nodded, her green eyes studying Miranda's features. "That's wise," she said approvingly. "It must be tough for her to give up her name. She's never had to."

You get used to it.

Miranda thought about Rinn and Helena, who had both chosen a second name – possibly even a first name – to hide from their past. How many times had they done it? Noticing that Katelyn was looking at her expectantly, Miranda inclined her head, acknowledging her words, but not willing to speak of her sister. It was strange enough sharing the knowledge of her with this woman. Talking of her was considerably harder.

I hardly know Oriana anyway. Can't know her, because I am watched…

Unbidden, she felt a wave of loathing for her father, who had forced her into this life, who had brought her here.

"Miranda?" Katelyn's voice was concerned and it didn't surprise Miranda that, in her current mood, Katelyn had picked up on her emotions.

Sniffing, rubbing her brow briefly then hiding the gesture by pushing some of her hair out of her face, Miranda took a steadying breath and smiled.

"Sorry," she said. "Distracted. Is there anything that I need to know? Do you wish to meet Dr Murdoch? I can set up a meeting after mine."

For just a moment the commander's eyes hardened as she shook her head. "I will leave him in your and Karin's capable hands," she pointed out. "I've had enough of shrinks to last me a lifetime. I trust your judgement, I don't need to meet him." When she saw the look on Miranda's face she backtracked a little. "Not now at least, is what I mean. I will… invite him up when the time is right. For now, I have nothing to say to him and I am pretty sure that he will have nothing to say to me." Her gaze touched Miranda's. "What will you tell him of Rinn?"

Having expected the question, Miranda took out one of the datafiles she had with her and handed it to the commander. "Everything that is on that," she said. "You can go through it, I will only pass it on to him when it has met your approval."

Katelyn nodded, her hand immediately reaching for the file though she didn't look at it immediately. "And Helena?" she queried. "What will you share under her name? I think he will ask. Eventually."

Miranda had to agree. "Her file is there as well," she said. "I linked her to the Normandy only through Rinn. I will have to do some explaining or bring a few things into context." She didn't look forward to it because she suspected that Dr Robert Murdoch was very good at spotting a lie. "I have had access to some of the colonists' transcripts that he would have been privy to. There are rumours of one of your crew members aiding the Collectors. And word of the woman who got out first. So it will also be a matter of finding out how much he knows and whether he will be able to connect the dots. He is a clever man."

Katelyn nodded slowly and put the data file aside. "I will look at it immediately," she said. "The moment you feel that we need to pull the plug on this you tell me first, Miranda. I do not want you to take any kind of rash actions around this man. He is Karin's friend."

Smiling dryly Miranda inclined her head. "I won't," she said. "They seem to be practically family so it would be a bit too close to home." She trailed off and sighed. "But, I will also keep an eye on him, Katelyn. I promise."

Katelyn held her gaze for a second longer, then inclined her head. Miranda mentally sorted through her files, deciding that a few of the minor things that she had meant to bring to Katelyn's attention could wait. "Is there anything you need to tell me, Commander?" She asked and paused. "Why did you have to go last night? If I may ask." She added the latter quickly, lest Katelyn felt she had no reason to pry. Not missing the way Katelyn's gaze darkened, she braced herself.

"Liara called me in on a situation that had transpired at Helena and Rinn's apartment," she pointed out. "Helena had… a surprise visit from a friend."

For a moment, all Miranda could do was stare at her. "A friend?" She queried surprised. "Really?" She shifted, sitting forward. "Did you talk to this person? See him? Or her?" More likely. "Is it…" She trailed off, her curiosity only stemmed when Katelyn raised her hand to stop her.

"Not that kind of friend," she said, her features still dark. "Helena was tracking down a woman called Kasumi Goto. A thief who then decided to make her acquaintance in person by breaking into their apartment. Whether she had meant to talk to Helena was unknown, Rinn all but bodily threw her out - the way they tell it."

Kasumi Goto?!

Miranda stared at Kate, processing. She had to speak to Kelly.

Looking at her, Katelyn smiled suddenly, though it wasn't because she was being friendly. "If you're struggling to understand why I am so flippant about it," she pointed out. "I should add that I got reamed out on how I reacted. So, I'm trying to make it sound like it wasn't a… uh… mess."

The hospital came to mind, Helena staring at Katelyn with pure terror in her eyes. And a furious whispered promise the ginger had delivered to her, something she always hoped wasn't a prophecy.

"The truth is I don't care. I don't care what happens. I don't care if this world burns. I will tell you the truth. I will give Shepard her truth. Tell her her future and fortune. If it means saving Rinn, I will see this world burn. If she can't be saved, I will rejoice in its destruction. In my own. Because I'd have had a hand in it."

"Katelyn," Miranda breathed and she could tell that Katelyn had followed her thoughts to that tiny little hospital room. She watched as the commander chuckled dryly, bitterly, as she leaned forward and ran her hands through her hair.

"Oh, don't worry," she said. "Liara made sure to get me out before I strangled our canary." But not soon enough judging by your anger. "She's looking into it." She motioned to one of the data files on her desk. "That is all her information on this person. Helena has yet to sing again."

Miranda broke eye contact as she reached for the file, not looking at it immediately. You've probably scared her out of it.

"I'll get on it as well," she said neutrally. "Try and see what I can find out." She felt Katelyn's gaze touch her forehead and looked up to see the commander studying her intently. She didn't like the look.

"Will you be seeing her?"

Miranda hesitated before answering. Even when she did, she didn't speak – not trusting herself to, and rather resorted to simply nodding her head. She watched as Katelyn processed the news and how, finally, her features softened a bit.

"I hope for your sake it's a social call," she pointed out then grinned half heartedly. "Otherwise you might have to take a gun. Rinn has become quite good in our absence."

Seeing it as her cue to leave, making it her cue to leave, Miranda got up with a smile.

"Oh, no worries Commander," she said. "I'm a biotic."

And I need to find out more about this.

There were quite a many new experiences in the life of one Robert Murdoch. It was the first time he had booked passage to a planet that wasn't human-controlled. And while Nos Astra could accurately be described as cosmopolitan, the architecture was undoubtedly asari. A part of him wished that he had some time to play the tourist first before starting off this new adventure, but there was nothing for it. Hopefully his new overseers weren't planning on, one, going anywhere soon and, two, keeping him captive. That would definitely not be a good start to his new job.

Then there was the fact that it was the first time that he would be working on a vessel rather than somewhere stationary. He would be in frequent contact with his patients outside of his office – which was new too. And challenging. Working on the Normandy would definitely be challenging, for quite a few reasons. Besides what the crew had gone through and how tough-as-nails some of them appeared, there was also the big Cerberus badge painted on the Normandy. In a moment, he would need to walk through to the ship's private docking bay and that symbol would be there… smirking at him.

I can't believe I'm doing this, he thought, blinking his eyes shut to push against all the conflict that badge stirred within him. He scanned the crowd and then looked down to his luggage trolley. Everything was still stacked perfectly. He had made sure to keep a kilogram within the limit they had put on his belongings and still managed to pack in his collection of books. He made sure they were secure now, but still worried that the trip might have given them some trouble. Maybe he should be depressed that he had very little else in the line of possessions that he thought to bring along.

The greatest treasure was, of course, right at the top. Part of the new experiences was the opportunity to walk past a bakery with the most amazing variety of biscuits he could imagine. Seeing it as an opportunity to procure some bribery material, and simply not being able to withstand the delightful aromas, Robert bought enough biscuits to officially hit the max weight limit of goods he could bring on board. Well done, Robbie.

He straightened, gave the world one last look, and turned towards the entrance.

Can't delay this forever and, besides, your favourite person is on board.

It was that thought that took him towards the ship with nothing less than a smile on his face. Karin Chakwas simply had that effect on him. He walked through identity scanners and dock security with ease. The Normandy had made sure that he'd be recognised as one of theirs. He struggled for a moment when he reached the docking slip and saw a Cerberus arms man standing watch, but the man simply nodded.

He waited patiently while the guard informed the ship of his arrival, taking the time to look around at how private docking slips differed from what he had experienced. It was a lot quieter, naturally. Not a lot of foot traffic, but there was still movement. The cargo bay's doors were open and some goods were being loaded on board. A group of people in their civvies made their way to the slip exit and Robert wondered whether they were people he'd be talking to soon enough.

Then a familiar form exited the ship.

"No matter how far you run," he said, a broad smile on his face. "I will always find you."

"Robert," Karin gave him a warm smile and embraced him. "Welcome." Her embrace was tight but unequal. Robert couldn't help but notice that she favoured the arm which had been broken a few weeks ago.

"Miss me?" he asked and smiled as her arms tightened around him.

"Always, lad. Always." She stepped away, giving him a quick once over. "Had a good trip?"

He nodded, smiling with the excitement of infrequent travellers. "I did." He pointed out. "I realised this is the first time I've left the Citadel since moving there." He shifted his weight and allowed his eyes to travel down the length of the ship. "That made it into quite an adventure, really."

She smiled at him indulgingly, with the amusement of frequent travellers. "Well, you will have plenty more to look forward to," Karin replied. Robert turned his eyes back to her just as she motioned to his trolley. "Is this your luggage?"

"That it is," he replied with mock pride. "I'll have you know but an eighth of it is clothing. The rest is contraband I hope to sell among the crew."

That got a twitch out of the armsman, but Karin merely nodded as if she had expected no less. She motioned to the door and Robert noticed a young man in uniform standing a short distance from them.

"I have arranged that Ensign Reichs take it in for you."

The young man stepped forward the moment she mentioned his name and gave a small nod in welcome. The ensign's eyes were bright. Excited even. New. Wasn't part of the crew that faced the Collectors. Robert returned the nod, then took the box of cookies off his pile, shifting it to the crook of his right arm, and smiled at his friend. The aroma of its contents held no secret as to what was inside. Karin gave her head an amused shake and led them on board the ship.

"So," Chakwas began as they strode down the throat of the ship. "How much information have you memorised on the ship?" She took her down the familiar path that he had walked when he came in for his interview.

"Hm, well, let's see," Robert rubbed at his chin. "I know the crew compliment on the SR-1 was around sixty-five. If I recall correctly, you told me it was fifty-two on this one?" At her nod, he continued, rambling off everything he remembered of the ship. It was a simple trick. He had a memory like an elephant and didn't need to strain all too much at drawing information to the fore. Here and there, she corrected him, and added to what he hadn't been told during his last tour.

He studied her as she filled their route to the elevator with conversation about the ship. She had done it for his benefit, knowing that he was interested. It made him wonder whether she hadn't spent a moment or two finding details to share with him when he arrived.

"We're very proud of her," she concluded once they arrived at the elevator and stepped inside. "The lifts are biometrically activated." She selected a floor and the elevator car descended. "Until you have full clearance, they won't be of much use to you." She smiled at him. "You can't make a run for it until I say so."

He grinned and snapped his fingers in the air.

"Dang it! Well, I did bring some bribery with me too," he shifted the box at her. "I fell over a bakery on the way here. So there will be biscuits and rusks all round." She shook her head at him at the mention of the latter.

"You and that dunking habit of yours." The elevator stopped and slid open. "The crew deck is just one floor down from CIC," she said, stepping out. He followed her as she took a right and walked to the end of the corridor. She gestured to the door labelled Port Observation. "This is where you'll be staying."

Robert paused, trying to get his bearing straight. He pointed vaguely through towards fore. "Isn't Dr Lawson's office…?"

Karin smiled at him. It was an evil smile, he thought.

"One big happy family," she replied, activating the door. "This will be your office and quarters."

Great, right under the overseer's eye, he thought as the door opened. And then all other thought stopped.

The port observation room was… impressive. This was clearly intended as a sort of crew recreation room - a set of comfortable-looking couches stood to his right, beckoning to anyone who entered. Further back was a fully stocked bar. I'll have to see whether I can arrange that the crew can still use that part every now and again… To his left was another couch, positioned close to the observation window, a bed behind that. Bookshelves lined the wall, offering more space than he needed for his collection and an office table to his immediate left, long enough for him to sprawl on if he wanted to horrify Karin. He stood by the door stunned as he took in everything. The observation window was closed at present, but he already knew how much he'd be glued to the sights beyond the moment the ship left orbit.

"Well, Robbie?" Karin prompted after a minute. "What do you think?"

Robert stepped into the room, his gaze sweeping its expanse before he turned to his friend.

"This is all mine?" He could see by the twitch of her mouth that she had picked up on his wonder. She didn't smile, acting like the grown up, but her eyes enjoyed his awe.

"It was free space," she replied simply, leaning with her shoulder against the door frame.

He didn't know what to say and reverted to humour because he was afraid that anything else might make him look like an inexperienced loon. "Wait, the bar isn't here because you want to put me under some permanent house arrest, is it?" Robert fashioned a suspicious glare. "I will be leaving this room without an armed escort if I want to go to the men's room, right?"

Karin chuckled.

"You will be free to come and go as soon as Kelly has come to take your biometrics. She should be here any minute." She motioned behind her, down the corridor. "Can I get you anything to eat, Robbie? Perhaps something to drink? I know the food always leaves much to be desired on these trips."

Robert's stomach gave him soft encouragement to accept whatever she was going to offer.

"I wouldn't say no to a small snack," he confessed as he put down his box of treats and followed her back down the corridor. "Have you eaten?"

The way she flipped her hand in the air with dismissal told her she hadn't.

"I've had some tea, yes, thank you." Not that that's really food or anything… They turned left down the corridor and into the commissary. "I'm going to get you something on my account for now. We have a semi-rationing system. Meals are open, of course, in between snacking is regulated simply to make sure everybody gets some." She turned to him, motioning to a nearby vending machine. "Juice? Packet of crisps?"

That won't do at all.

"I have a better idea," he replied. "Seeing as you haven't properly indulged yourself, how about we get some tea, head back to my luxurious room-slash-office-slash-bar and get some biscuits? I have chocolate chip…" If he couldn't get some protein into her he would at least make sure that she spent the rest of the day on a sugar high.

Karin smiled at him, seeming right on the edge of teasing him again for his delight in biscuits but resisting the urge. "I won't say no to tea," she allowed, motioning to the med bay. "I have the proper stuff in my infirmary. Come."

They were near the entrance when a short, scantily clad woman with a shaved head stomped towards the commissary. It would have been impossible to forget meeting the biotic from his previous tour of the ship. She had been skulking around the bottom and hadn't paid a lot of attention to him. It was only the challenge of remembering her name… He couldn't remember whether Karin introduced them.

"Fuck," she said, giving Robert an once-over and it was the most invading study he had ever been subjected to. "This the new shrink or did you just order online?"

Well… at least she has good taste, he mused.

"She got me at discount," he quipped before Karin could speak, the set in her face telling him that the young woman might just get a talking to in front of him. That won't do either, not now when first impressions are so important. "Robert Murdoch. I'd shake your hand, but you don't seem the type."

She snorted. "Perceptive. You might just survive the night."

Win? He wasn't sure.

"Jack," Karin said with a warning tone, unable to contain herself any longer. Robert almost laughed when the younger woman shrunk a little.

"Hey, don't mind me," she lifted her hands in defence. "I just came for the coffee. Grunt's gone, but the downstairs pot still tastes like krogan piss."

Now that's a name for a brand.

"Let's not get between you and your coffee," he replied, deliberately stepping aside. "It's good to see you again."

"Yeah, whatever, pretty boy. Doc," She gave Karin a nod, then turned and stomped off. The big boots that she was wearing made quite an impression on the solid floor. Robert watched her go, noticing that those within her vicinity instinctively made room for her despite how easily she could have gone unnoticed given her form. Beside him, he heard Karin give a soft sigh.

"Jack," she said softly to him. "You'll get her file. We don't expect you to do much with her."

He smiled at her. "Baby steps."

"You're going to need it with her, Robert." They continued their trek. "And I am not talking about professional sessions. Just day-to-day interaction. She is extremely volatile. You'll learn her history, it is... quite colourful." She smiled and dropped her voice. "You two hold Cerberus in the same opinion at least."

Interesting, he thought and wondered why. Given the variety of characters on this ship, it is only to be expected.

"Well," he said as they walked into the infirmary. "At least she thinks I'm pretty."

Karin chuckled and set to work on the tea. Then, surprise surprise, she took out her own packet of tea biscuits.

"She's not the only one," she smiled at him. "Do you want to sit here or in your room?"

"I don't mind. Wherever you think would be the most comfortable."

Karin motioned to her chairs. "Let's take a breather. You still have a busy day ahead of you. Kelly will see you when we're done here, after which Miranda wants to see you." Robert took a seat and watched his friend as she made the tea. "After which you will have to come back here, Robbie. I need to give you an once-over before you are officially cleared for duty."

He paused. Unexpected.

"That sounds delightful," Robert said dryly.

Karin smiled at him, then in her doctor's persona added, "I realise it's a bit beyond the boundaries of friendship, Robert. If you are uncomfortable with me performing the physical, I can either oversee my nurse as she does so or we can call in Miranda." The mischief in her eyes was clear as the mask slipped. "However, that might be even more awkward."

Robert rewarded her with a cheeky smile.

"As long as you are willing to expose all when it comes to our sessions, I suppose it's fair."

For a moment, Chakwas simply looked at him, a little surprised by his quip. Then she smiled brightly. "Goodness, Robert," she chuckled as she handed him his tea. "You don't miss an opportunity to ask a woman to bare her chest, do you?"

The scantily clad crew member came to mind.

"Your crew doesn't seem to mind," Robert replied, pointing out the window vaguely in Jack's direction. "Thank goodness for temperature control." He knew that he could not keep the disbelief out of his tone, still surprised by the woman's choice of clothes. Karin shrugged, smiling.

"She sets the bar pretty high…"

He wonder how long it took her to get used to it.

"Mmhmm," he murmured into his cup, deciding to leave the subject at that. He loved to play with Karin – always had. And it seemed like something she enjoyed too. There was a twinkle in her eyes now, a joy that he felt honoured to bring her. It also meant, however, that laughter was more often than not out of reach for her.

I'll change that. There's far too much life in that spirit of hers. I will not stand around and have it quenched.

"I think I will tell Kelly to give you time to shower," Karin said after a pause.

Robert blinked at her. Is she still joking?

"I know that when I always wanted to wash up after a long journey," she continued after a sip of tea. "I suppose it's more a mental exercise."

He nodded. "There is some truth to that."

She shifted and looked at him in a way that made him pay a little bit more attention. "Kelly might also appreciate the additional time," She pointed out. "She's a bit apprehensive… I think she feels. Well, as if we're replacing her. That she's no longer needed." Karin shook her head. "Which is ridiculous, but certain insecurities run deep on this ship."

That made him sit up and he made a note to see how many people had been forced to leave their posts after the attack. It didn't make for a comfortable working environment.

Are many people feeling like they're not wanted? Incapable of doing what they should? Not meeting expectations?

"I'll find a way to make her understand that's not the case at all," Robert assured his friend and finished his drink.

Her smile was kind. "I knew you would, Robert."

It was the way she smiled at him. The lovely, lovely person she was that made him feel like he would climb mountains for her… He sat his cup down and reached over, taking her hand. When she squeezed it in return, he knew that nothing else was needed.

"Let me go have that shower… and then we'll see what I can do."