Chapter Thirty-seven

Louisa was back in her office for the day, having filled in for the year five teacher that morning. She had to admit that it was refreshing to be back in the classroom for once rather than stuck in an office all day doing paperwork. And for the time being, the children provided a distraction from what weighed heavily on her mind.

She picked up her pen and set to work on the latest stack of staff appraisals when a knock sounded on the open door of her office. She looked up to find Elliot standing in the entryway, leaning against the doorjamb.

"Sorry to bother you," he said with a smile as one hand clutched a history book to his chest. "But I wanted to know if you've recovered from our run yesterday? I feel awful that I may have pushed you too hard."

Louisa smiled weakly in return, not really in the mood to discuss after school activities. "I'm fine. A bit stiff this morning, but nothing I can't handle."

His eyes sparkled. "Good." He was about to leave but hesitated. "You know, I was going to head out again later this afternoon. You're welcome to join me if you want to."

"That's awfully nice of you, Elliot, but I don't think so. I've had a trying day already . . ."

Elliot's smile faltered. "No, of course." There was an awkward silence between them. "I have a lesson to finish planning so I should probably get to it. See you later though. Maybe?"

Louisa forced another smile. "Maybe." She waited until he left before letting out a sigh. This day couldn't end soon enough, she thought to herself. The queasiness she felt earlier that morning returned and she reached for her water bottle, glad for the cool, refreshing taste of the spring water.

Then her eyes began to blur with tears as her suspicions over the last week became clear. It was a feeling she remembered all too well, but the circumstances surrounding it brought back painful memories. She reached for her phone, determined to get this settled once and for all.

After sending Martin a text message that they needed to talk, Louisa brought a hand up to her face. Her phone vibrated a minute later and she read his response. At least they were on the same page for once.

. . .

Later that evening, as Louisa rounded the surgery towards the back door, she tried to prepare herself for the talk they scheduled to have. She wanted to laugh; the idea that they had to plan out their conversations seemed somewhat ridiculous. But it wasn't just any conversation. This was their future.

"Hello?" Louisa announced as she opened the door to the kitchen, her voice quiet and hesitant. She gave Martin a weak smile when he turned to face her from his seat at the table.

"Hello," he answered back, his tone just as uncertain as hers. "I thought I'd give James his dinner early. Since we have to, um . . . We were going to talk."

"Yes. Good idea." Louisa set her school bag down and hung up her coat. Straightening out her ponytail, she moved towards James to greet him. "And did you have a good day today, James?" she asked before bending down to kiss his forehead.

James giggled and reached out for the small pile of shells that rested near the edge of the table. "Mum-ee! Shell!" he pointed, then turned to look up at her.

Martin cleared his throat before explaining, "He and Janet went for a walk on the beach earlier. James thought it a good idea to bring home microorganisms."

"Martin," Louisa admonished under her breath with a roll of her eyes. "I think it's sweet." She looked down at James. "Maybe Daddy can help you identify some of those microorganisms? Since he's such an expert." She peered up at him through lowered eyelashes.

Martin shook his head. "Unlikely. I already sterilized them."

Louisa raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Well problem solved then."

"Yes." He stared at her for a moment. "Um, how was your day?"

She let out a tired sigh. "I've had better."

"Right." He looked down at the table. "I bought a fish earlier, unless there's something else you wanted?"

Louisa shook her head. "No, fish is fine. I've gotten used to it by now." She smiled slightly.

"Yes." Martin glanced away from her towards James, feeling uncomfortable by their stilted conversation.

"I'm going to go freshen up," Louisa announced as she gestured towards the stairs, breaking the awkward silence between them.

He gazed up at her. "Yes." As he watched her leave, Martin let out a sigh, already dreading the rest of the evening.

Dinner between the two was quiet, every once and a while engaging in small talk, but nevertheless, both feeling anxious for the other to bring up the topic of their discussion. It wasn't until after checking on James that Louisa decided she better put them both out of their misery. Giving her son one last look and a kiss to his forehead, Louisa quietly left the room and headed back downstairs.

Martin had just finished with the washing up and was tidying the kitchen table when Louisa stopped at the step separating the kitchen from the living room. "How is he?" Martin asked as he folded a dish towel.

"Still asleep," she said, folding her arms across her chest, her eyes cast down as if deep in thought. "Hopefully for the remainder of the night."

Hanging the towel on the door of the cooker, Martin turned to face her. "Um, Louisa," he began, but she cut him off, throwing him completely off guard.

"I think I'm pregnant, Martin," she declared suddenly, raising her gaze to meet his.

Feeling stunned, Martin didn't think he heard her properly. "What?"

Louisa stepped up into the kitchen, the table separating them. "I think I'm pregnant." She waited for him to say something but he remained silent and unmoving, his eyes widening ever so slightly as her announcement finally began to sink in.

"Right. I see," Martin finally replied, but quickly added, "And you're sure? I mean, you took a pregnancy test to confirm?"

Louisa shook her head. "I'm fairly certain I am. But no, I haven't done a test. You know this village, Martin. If Mrs. Tishell sees me purchasing a pregnancy test word will spread like the plague." She paused and moved around the table to stand in front of him. "I want this to be just between us." She reached for his hand. "In case I'm not pregnant."

Martin looked down at their joined hands. "Then I suggest we find out for sure."

Louisa continued to stare back at him, unsure of what to make of his reaction. She could see a flicker of fear in his eyes, out of surprise more than anything, but she hoped there was at least some semblance of happiness in them. "Are you disappointed? Because if I remember correctly, this morning you told me—"

"I'm not upset," he interrupted as he inched closer to her with every word. "Surprised, yes, but you could never disappoint me, Louisa. I'm usually the one that's a disappointment."

Louisa gripped his hand tighter, relief and sadness washing over her at the same time. "You are not a disappointment, Martin—not to me." She reached up to play with the collar of his shirt, smiling up at him widely. "You're my extraordinary man."

"Am I really?"

"Yes. And you're a wonderful father, albeit a little stiff at times. But James loves you, and so will the new baby—I'm sure of it." Pulling their joined hands towards her, she let them rest on the flat of her abdomen. "And pregnant or not, I love you—I always will."

Martin stared down at his hand splayed over her stomach, wondering if there really was life growing inside or not. Before her sudden declaration, he was still unsure if another child was what they needed in their lives, but now that the decision might have already been made for them, he began to think that the prospect of it might not be so terrible after all.

"If you are pregnant, Louisa, I promise to be there for you. I won't push you away. I was awful to you during your pregnancy with James and I won't make the same mistakes I did then. I was afraid . . ." He looked down at the floor for a moment. "And I missed you terribly while you were in London. Then to see that you were . . . and you withheld it from me for so long . . . I felt angry. I apologise for what I put you through. And I will support you no matter what . . . that is, if you'll let me?"

Louisa was on the verge of tears, her emotions getting the better of her at her husband's moving speech. She had worried all day—for the past week more likely—for what he'd think over the news, and the last thing she expected was for him to accept it so amiably. "Oh, Martin . . ." Wrapping her arms around his neck, Louisa leaned up and pressed her lips to his in a fervent and desperate kiss. "Of course I'll let you," she breathed out, pulling away from him but keeping her arms loosely secured around his neck. "And you're not the only one to blame. I assumed then that you wouldn't want to be involved in James's life and I was wrong—so very wrong, Martin. And this time . . ." She brought one hand from around his neck to rest on his cheek. "This time we'll do it together—as we're meant to."

"Yes." For the first time that evening, Martin smiled, albeit a small one, but a grin nevertheless.

Once again, tears gathered in Louisa's eyes as his smile caused the corners of his eyes to crinkle, finally showing that flicker of happiness she hoped to see. "I've been worried all day about what you'd think," she said as her tears finally slipped down her cheeks.

Martin hesitated but reached down to swipe away a trail of her tears with his thumb. "But we need to find out for sure, in case you aren't."

"I'm just so happy that you've accepted the possibility." She took hold of his wrist as his fingers stilled on her cheek.

"I've only ever wanted you to be happy, Louisa." He paused to take in a deep breath. "I'll admit that I'm afraid—afraid I won't be good enough for our children. I never knew how much I wanted a family of my own until James arrived. And I know sometimes I can be difficult, that I'm not perfect with James, but I will try to be . . . because I want to be a good father . . . and I want to be the husband that you deserve."

Louisa shook her head, her emotions elevating to a new height. "I've never seen such change from you before, Martin. I practically forced it on you when I left for Spain, but I've felt so much closer to you now than I did since our spoiled honeymoon. My whole life I've wanted everything to be perfect. But being with you has given me a whole new perspective . . ." She pulled his hand away from her face to entwine their fingers. "And I rather like the life we've shared together so far, despite all its difficulties."

"Do you really mean it?"

"Of course I do."

With an internal sigh of relief, Martin pulled Louisa in to a tight embrace, arms wrapping around one another. Turning his head slightly, Martin let his lips gently caress her cheek as one of her hands came up to grasp the back of his head, her fingers lightly skimming through his hair. They held one another for what seemed like minutes, until Martin broke the silence, "Louisa?"

"Hmm?" she hummed against the side of his neck.

"When exactly was your last menstrual cycle?"

Louisa's eyes widened in shock and embarrassment. "Mar-tin!" she admonished, pulling away from their embrace, though she almost laughed. At least there was one thing about him that hadn't changed.

"What?" He tilted his head in that questioning way of his.

"I know we engage in certain intimate activities from time to time, but I'll still never be comfortable with you asking me questions like that."

"But I'm your doctor. And as someone who thinks she may be expecting it's a perfectly reasonable question. Any physician would ask."

Louisa scrunched her nose in disgust. "I know. But it just feels awkward being asked questions about myself like that."

"But you did miss it, correct?"

Louisa nodded. "It's been a little over a week."

"Mm," he grunted. "Not always a reliable symptom to go on. I'll take a blood sample."

"What? Now?"

Martin stared at her for a minute, his expression serious as he shifted back to his medical nature. "Don't you want to find out if you're pregnant or not?"

"Yes, but . . ."

Martin didn't let her finish as he spun around and led the way to his consulting room. "Good. Come through."

Louisa shook her head as she followed her husband, sitting down in the chair across from his desk once she entered his office. She began to roll up the sleeve of her cardigan as she watched him wash his hands then snap on a pair of gloves. He pulled his medical cart over and rifled through it for the necessary supplies. "How long will it take for the results?" she asked as he leaned over and secured a tourniquet to her upper arm then swabbed the crook of her elbow with antiseptic.

Martin glanced up at her as he waited for the medial cubital vein to appear more accessible. "About a week," he replied as he slipped a sterile needle into the distended vein.

Louisa winced, closing her eyes at the slight pinch as he inserted the needle. Opening her eyes, she witnessed his continuous struggle with his phobia as he turned away from the blood drawing up the syringe.

Expertly sensing when enough blood was taken, Martin turned his gaze back to her arm and pulled the needle out, replacing it with a small square of gauze. "Press down," he instructed as he removed the tourniquet from around her upper arm. He remained seated on his stool as he transferred the blood sample to a test tube for analysis.

Louisa stayed quiet as she kept pressure on the puncture site in her arm. She wondered how often he had to deal with his blood phobia. Probably almost daily, she thought to herself. Her features softened as he stood up to dispose of the used needle and syringe, understanding what a struggle it was for him. She wanted to offer a suggestion of help, but kept silent. She knew he didn't like to talk about it, and putting him in a sombre mood would be of no help to either of them.

"I'll have the sample be sent off for analysis tomorrow morning," Martin said as he finished washing his hands. "I can try and get the results as soon as possible, but it depends on how busy the lab is."

Louisa relaxed her closed fist and removed the patch of gauze, making sure the bleeding had stopped. "Martin, I'm thrilled by how eager you are, but for the time being can we just imagine that it's positive? I want to savour our good news, at least for a few days."

He finished labeling a plastic bag and slipped the sealed sample inside. "I suppose so."

She smiled and reached for his hand. "Good. Now come sit with me."

Martin nearly dropped the bag containing her blood sample as she practically dragged him from the room. "Louisa?"

"I just want to spend some time with you," she said as she sat down on the sofa in the living room, pulling him along with her.

"I don't understand?" he sputtered, nearly toppling over her as he sat down. "We just . . ."

"I know we already talked. But I just want to be next to you for a while." She pulled his right arm around her shoulders and shifted to fit herself snugly against his side.

"I see." He gazed down at her as her head tilted to rest against his jaw. "Have you been feeling nauseous at all?"

"A little, mostly in the morning and around midday, but other than that I've been fine."

Her voice began to waver and Martin feared he might have asked too soon. "Is something wrong? Louisa?"

She turned in their embrace so she could rest one hand over his chest. "I'm sorry I'm so emotional. I just . . . I was reminded of the first time . . . when I was alone . . ."

Martin let a harsh breath leave his nose. He didn't need to be reminded, especially of a time he wasn't present. "I see."

"I wanted so badly to tell you, you know," she confessed, while tracing the intricate pattern of his blue tie with her finger. He remained silent and Louisa hesitated, but continued, "When I first found out about James my first thought was of you . . . and I was scared of what you'd think. We hadn't spoken since we parted ways from the wedding we both dreaded, and I just couldn't do it. I knew a child was the last thing you'd want, so I kept it to myself." She pulled away to look up at him. "I know now that I should have told you sooner." Her bottom lip began to quiver and she felt his grip on her shoulder tighten.

"I know," he said, the corners of his eyes softening as he gazed down at her.

"This is how it should have been."

"Yes." He leaned over to let his lips caress her hair in a soft kiss. "And I will do what I should have done, because you mean so much to me."

Louisa let her eyes drift shut, determined to cherish his sweet words. "Say it again?" she requested softly, the hand on his chest drifting down to curl around his waist.

Martin brushed back the lock of hair that fell across her eyes, causing her to look up at him. "I love you, Louisa."

She smiled. "Even better." Tilting her chin up, Louisa kissed the corner of his mouth.

A slight blush crept its way into Martin's cheeks and up to his ears. He grinned back at her, feeling overcome with emotion. "Now it's your turn."

"Mmm, but you already know what I'm going to say."

"Yes. But convince me anyway."

Pulling away once more to gaze into his pale blue eyes, she reciprocated his earlier sentiment, "I love you, Martin Ellingham—more so with each passing day."

He wanted to roll his eyes at her over exaggeration, but refrained from doing so. He could hear it in her voice how much she meant it, and he believed her wholeheartedly.

"Was that convincing enough for you?"

The corners of his mouth twitched in amusement. "Almost."

"Then how about now?" Closing the distance between them, Louisa leaned over and firmly pressed her lips to his.

Martin let his eyes drift shut as he sighed into her mouth at the contact. He squared himself against her, wrapping both arms around her to deepen their kiss.

Finally pulling away to catch their breath, Louisa let her forehead rest against his, her fingers moving up to his cheeks to smooth out the fine hairs by his ears.

"Now I think you've convinced me," Martin breathed out, his eyes still closed, feeling loved and comforted by her closeness.