Chapter 37—Detour
All you have to do is know where you're going.
The answers will come to you of their own accord.
Turning his head slightly to look at Steph, Marc said, "Now I have a question for you."
Stephanie swiveled in her seat and replied with a grin, "Shoot, Batman. What do you wanna know?"
"Batman?" Marc's eyebrow arched as he gave her a puzzled look.
Steph grinned again and gave him the Twitter version of how they met when they were BEAs for her duck-loving, bail bond writing, pervert of a cousin Vinnie. She told him he agreed to be her bounty hunter 'mentor' and they became friends, though it was an admittedly atypical friendship.
Again, just giving him the Reader's Digest version, she related some of the first jobs they worked on together, such as bringing in skips like Lonnie Dodd, Mo Bedemeir and Caroline Scarzolli, and clearing Ranger's name when he was accused of killing Homer Ramos. Her story-telling had both of them laughing; Stephanie remembering all the crazy times, and Marc barely believing her wild adventures could be true or that he agreed to be part of such wackiness.
Then she told him about the mercurial neon sign that was Lula and explained that she and Lula thought he was like Batman, the dark knight. Steph continued with examples of Ranger's attempts to avoid the spotlight and maintain the upper hand. She even told him how she and Lula had tried to find out more about him via Internet searches, but only came up with an address that turned out to be a vacant lot. Marc threw back his head and laughed at that. He'd learned more about himself, and this witty woman, in the last hour than he had in the entire past year.
"So, I was a real control freak, huh?" he said. Marc wasn't sure about this Ranger he was hearing about. During his incarceration, Marc had asked his lawyer, Geoff Haricko, questions about himself and Haricko told him that Ranger could be quite aloof at times and held everyone at arm's distance. To Marc, it seemed Ranger must have lived an extremely private and lonely existence. He looked back on the past year and realized he wasn't all that different from Ranger. Well, that was going to change, he vowed, at least as far as Stephanie was concerned.
He shifted his body a bit so he could face Stephanie. He loved watching her, the way she never sat still, her eyes flashing, her jumble of curls bouncing each time she laughed or turned her head. He thought she was beautiful, although much of her beauty came from within, as evidenced by her radiant nature and her zest for life. And she said she loved him!
"Which leads me to my question. Just what exactly is the nature of our relationship?" He used the back of his fingers to gently stroke Stephanie's rapidly blushing cheek.
"I told you we're friends," she hedged.
"That's all?"
"It's complicated."
Marc's jaw clenched and he pressed, "You said that once before and I let it slide, but now I want… I need to know more about us." Steph pursed her lips and stared at the scuffed shoes of the guy sitting diagonally across from her.
"Stephanie…?"
He heard a big sigh come from her and he said the one word she couldn't refuse, "Please."
"Gonna play dirty with me, huh?" she quipped, darting her eyes at him and then quickly looking away. "Alright! Like I told you, we met through bounty hunting and became friends. And somewhere along the way, our friendship changed into… damn, I don't know… two steps up from some weird version of 'friends with benefits'." She seemed very uncomfortable talking about this subject, but she plunged ahead when Marc nodded at her.
"I don't mean to imply that what was between us was casual or even frequent, but we both knew we were attracted to each other and… you were very good at giving mind blowing kisses, even when I tried to resist." She finally looked at him as a small smile turned the corners of her mouth up. "I didn't resist too hard."
He grinned. "That doesn't sound too complicated. I like the mind blowing kisses part." And he leaned in and did just that. He felt her quickly respond to his ardent embrace and went in for a mind expanding kiss.
Their flight attendant happened to walk by at that moment and stumbled. She kept right on walking, but she was fanning herself as she wobbled down the aisle oblivious to passengers' requests for more drinks—more peanuts—more pillows, etc.
"So, did we move in together… or what?" he prompted, keeping his arms loosely around her.
Steph shook her head. "Like I said, it's complicated."
When he frowned, she took a deep breath and continued, "I'd started seeing someone when you and I were… still just working partners. He was someone from my past and soon he and I were…" Steph rolled her eyes, "an item."
Marc sat back and frowned. "Are you saying I moved in on you knowing you were with this other guy?"
She sighed. "Well, Joe and I weren't the typical couple. We'd be together for awhile, then we'd fight and break up. And you and I were working cases together and…" she sighed, "you would kiss me and I wouldn't stop you. Actually, I couldn't stop you. I wanted the kisses as much as you did."
"So, you cheated on this Joe… with me?" Marc didn't like the sound of that.
"No! No, we didn't really do much more than sneak the occasional kiss and embrace, which, I know, is bad enough." She hemmed and hawed and shook her head and sighed some more. "But… there was one time… Joe and I had broke up, for the umpteenth time, and you and I… finally… well, we did it." Steph's eyes began to fill with tears.
Marc felt his stomach clench as he saw her tears. "Was it that bad?" he joked, hoping to lighten the sudden downturn in her mood.
She shook her head. "It was amazing! You were amazing! And it was the most wonderful night of my life." She reached out and stroked his cheek, then dropped her hand back into her lap, her eyes following suit. "But, afterward, you sent me back to Joe," she stammered, her voice breaking.
"Why on earth would I do that?" Marc couldn't imagine letting this captivating woman go, let alone make love to her and then shove her back into the arms of her old boyfriend. The thought went through his mind, 'What was wrong with this Ranger Mañoso?'
Steph was silent, staring down at her lap. He ached to pull her onto his lap and make her hurt go away.
"Please, Steph, I need to hear your side. I want to understand the man I was and I can tell you, right now, I don't," Marc took her hand in his and gently rubbed it with his other hand.
She shuffled her feet and fidgeted a little. "You told me your life didn't lend itself to relationships. That you and I weren't a good idea."
Keeping her head down, Steph let out a big breath of air. "Over the years, you told me things like, 'you loved me, but in your own way' and that 'you weren't family material'. That the kind of love you have for me 'doesn't call for a ring, but a condom might come in handy'." Tears rolled down her cheeks as she remembered some of the more intimate, but difficult moments she and Ranger had shared.
She finally dared to look at him, "Basically, you kept telling me you were the best man for the job, but that you weren't applying."
Marc let out a quiet sound of disgust. He was hearing things about his old self he wasn't particularly pleased to hear, but even worse, was the pain his own words had caused Stephanie. That he was the cause of her tears now wasn't acceptable to him. He slowly brushed her tears off her cheeks with his thumbs, and then wrapped his arms around her, silently vowing never to let anything hurt her again.
Internally, he uttered a sardonic laugh. How did he protect her when he was the one who hurt her? The one way he could think of was to stay away from her. Maybe that was Ranger's reasoning back then, too?
"Stephanie, I don't know what to say. The way I feel about you now, there is no way, no way in hell, I would ever push you away. But I must have." He bowed his head and blew out a breath.
"Then, how did we finally get together… or didn't we?" Marc searched Stephanie's face trying to read her expression and was relieved when he saw the love in her eyes.
She kissed the closest part of him – his strong chin – feeling the beginnings of his stubble prick her lips. "You and I finally got on the same page, but it wasn't until the day you left on your last mission. Actually, it wasn't until the last few minutes before you had to go." Steph snorted. "Our timing always sucked, and I don't say that lightly."
She smiled, though a little sadly. "There were so many times I almost gave in to temptation, to being with you, but something always seemed to come between us," she sighed, and then muttered under her breath, "mainly my guilty conscience."
"But that last day, I made the decision to leave Joe. I left him for good. I actually felt relief when I made that decision. But I was in desperate need of a job. I went to RangeMan to ask Tank if I could run searches for him. I hadn't seen you in weeks; I thought you were out of town, but you were there and we talked."
She smiled at Marc, remembering her last conversation with him as Ranger. "You gave me a job and told me to work out the details with Tank. I thought you hated me," she chuckled. At Marc's puzzled look, she explained, "Up until that time, I hadn't been around Tank very much and he was never very talkative or friendly with me. To be honest, he scared me."
"I didn't think anybody scared you," Marc said.
"Well, I wouldn't show it if I could help it, but with his size, blank face and unapproachable presence, most people get a little intimidated around Tank. And you're no slouch in the intimidation department either, Batman."
"Me? Intimidating?" Marc gave her a mock glare and they both laughed. They leaned toward each other and kissed. Pulling her close, he let his lips leave a trail of kisses and goose bumps from her jaw line down her neck until his chin was propped on her shoulder.
"So, what happened that last day that put us on the same page?" he asked.
"That's one of my best and worst memories combined," Steph confessed. Marc was glad she could remember their times together, even if they weren't all good. He wished he could remember anything about his previous life, especially anything with Stephanie in it.
"With that cryptic buildup, you can't stop now," he coaxed.
A blush crept into Steph's cheeks. "I finally came clean and told you that I loved you. I'd never said it to you before. Heck, it took me three years of dancing around with you and you nearly dying before I could admit it to myself and then it took another two years to let you in on it."
Marc was taken aback when she mentioned him nearly dying. Sounded like another story all on its own. But he had to grin about her 'coming clean.' He could actually imagine that little exchange between them. She would have been so cute, like she was right now. "I trust I responded as you hoped I would?"
Steph shook her head. "At first you didn't say anything… you didn't respond at all. I was horrified that I'd ruined the friendship we had. I didn't exactly backpedal then, but I babbled on about it being 'okay', that nothing had to change and prayed that we could still be friends. And then… you asked me if I really loved you. And…" Steph's eyes began to fill with tears again, "I said yes…"
Marc watched as Steph's face reflected several strong emotions. Were her tears sad or happy ones? "Please, don't tell me I rejected you?"
Steph shook her head, "No, just the opposite." She actually smiled through her tears. "You were very happy. In fact, every part of you was very happy." She blushed again.
"Much like now," Marc confessed, as he nuzzled her neck. "You said it was the best and worst memory. What was the bad part?"
Steph sighed, "Well, other than the fact that you had to leave right then, there was also the little matter of my 'spidey sense' picking that moment to make my skin crawl and my stomach turn over."
"Your spidey sense?" Marc asked. "Do I want to hear this?"
"After you finished kissing me senseless, I had a premonition. By the way, you are a fantastic kisser," she informed him.
"Me or Ranger?" Marc had to ask.
Steph grinned. "Both of you are phenomenal kissers." She sobered again and continued, "Now, back to my hunch. A wave of certainty came over me and I knew… I just knew that if you left, something bad would happen to you. I knew you weren't coming back to me. You, of course, told me not to worry and you left. That was over a year ago." She looked pointedly at Marc and jabbed his chest with her index finger. "Maybe now, you'll listen to my spidey sense?" Steph gave him a superior nod of her head.
"Shut up and kiss me," Marc growled.
Again, a highly embarrassed flight attendant stood in the aisle debating whether to interrupt Marc and Steph's steamy PDA. She had to tell them to fasten their seat belts as the plane was descending into Chicago for a short layover to allow some of the passengers to disembark before the plane continued on to Trenton. After the red-faced woman departed, Marc helped Stephanie buckle her seat belt. He delighted in taking his sweet time to make sure it was firmly positioned across her abdomen without pinching her, requiring him to slide his fingers underneath the strap. Reluctantly, he removed his hands from her soft warm body to buckle his own seatbelt, and grinned when Steph leaned over and helped him adjust the strap over his firm taut stomach.
The touchdown at O'Hare was smooth and uneventful. As the plane's doors swung out and several passengers filed past them, Marc grabbed Stephanie's hand and pulled her into the aisle. He took their overnight bags out of the overhead compartment and started leading her toward the front door.
Steph resisted and planted her feet, complaining, "What are you doing? We don't have to get off. The plane is continuing on to Trenton; we'll be there in another hour."
"I know. That's why we're getting off now." He firmly guided her down the aisle, informing the flight attendant they wouldn't be returning.
"But Marc…" Steph cried.
"Trust me," Marc replied.
Thirty minutes later, after a quick stop at a car rental booth, they were snugly belted in a black Porsche 911 Carrera and headed east on Interstate 90. Thanks to Tank's foresight, Marc was carrying a driver's license, two platinum credit cards and even a passport all with the name 'Marc Pardo' on them.
As soon as they left the city proper and got on the freeway, Marc reached for Steph's left hand and wouldn't let it go. Her hand rested on his thigh with his hand on top of hers.
Stephanie was grinning to beat the band. "Are you sure you have no memories of your past life?" she asked.
"No, why?"
Steph looked around at the car they were in. It was exactly what Ranger would have chosen. "Oh, nothing."
Then Steph remembered everyone in Trenton was waiting for them to arrive by plane. She plunked her handbag on her lap and searched through it for her cell phone. Hitting Tank's speed dial number, she mouthed 'Tank' to Marc while waiting for the big man to answer.
"Yo," Tank said.
"Tank, we're going to be a little late." Steph thrust the phone away from her ear and even Marc could hear the big man's upset voice booming out of the phone's speaker.
Marc lifted the phone from Steph's hand and spoke to his second in command. "We're taking a detour; we'll be incommunicado." He listened for a bit and then replied, "Whenever we get there. Give my apologies to my family." He disconnected and handed the phone back to a stunned Steph.
Marc continued driving, not saying anything, but he had a smile on his face and he was humming along with the song that was softly playing on the radio. Baffled by the change in travel plans, she put the phone back in her purse.
"What's that song?" Steph asked.
Marc turned the volume up, continuing to hum along. Steph listened to the lyrics, a puzzled look on her face. She'd never heard this song before, but liked the slow, haunting melody.
If I had a nickel
For every nickel I've had
I'd be rich now
But they tempt and they tickle
They trickle right out of my hands
Like love somehow
I think of the heartache, the pain, and the cost
The friends and the fortunes I've gained and I've lost.
Bringing her hand up to his lips, Marc kissed her palm and then, in a total surprise move, he broke out singing the chorus. Steph's eyes widened, shocked to hear him sing and surprised he had a rich singing voice.
"But I never lost you
No, I never lost you
I don't know how I've managed to hold on to
Something so true
But I never lost you."
He kissed her hand again and turned his eyes back to the road, but he kept holding her hand as the song continued to play over the radio.
Some things were stolen
Others were simply misplaced
And unrecovered
Like undying loyalty
Conviction and truth and faith
In another
I just keep letting it go til it's gone
Til all I have left is the one who held on.
Marc squeezed Steph's hand as the last verse ended. And again, as the chorus started he turned his head to look at her, his eyes shining as he crooned,
"But I never lost you
No, I never lost you
Lost everything else, I even lost myself
A time or two"
As he sang that last phrase, he actually winked at her.
"But I never lost you
No, I never lost you
I don't know how I've managed to hold on to
Something so true
But I never lost you."
He kissed each finger on her left hand and then her palm again, placing her hand back on his thigh.
She was speechless at first. She thought, he looks like Ranger, his voice is the same, but would Ranger ever have sung to me? God help me, do I love Marc more than I love Ranger?
"That was beautiful, Marc," Steph said, her voice a little husky with emotion.
Marc was pleased with the way his 'detour' was going. It was time to ask her. "Stephanie, I can't express how much it means to me that you never gave up on me. We haven't had much time to be together, just the two of us. I couldn't face all those people waiting for us in Trenton, not without more time for you and I to get 'reacquainted.' I'd like for us to spend the night together, somewhere along the road, and arrive in Trenton late tomorrow. Are you OK with that?"
A rush of heat swept through Steph as she realized what he was asking of her. She had no hesitation in giving Marc her enthusiastic answer. "Damn skippy!"
"I take it that's a 'yes'?"
She nodded and he gave her a 200-watt smile as a vibrant pink blush rose up her neck and infused her cheeks with color. Though connected only by her hand on his thigh, they both felt joined by a much stronger bond.
They drove in comfortable silence for many miles. But as the scenery flew by, Steph was aware that Marc wasn't 'in the zone.' Maybe Marc didn't have a 'driving zone' like Ranger did. She squeezed his thigh and he glanced over at her, a sad look on his face, and a concerned one on hers.
She squeezed his thigh a second time.
"Hmmm?" Marc looked over at her.
"You've got something on your mind, don't you?" she asked. "And you aren't thinking about our plans for tonight." His expression was so serious, Steph's stomach churned.
"You talked about coming clean earlier…" he said.
Steph slowly nodded her head and took a deep breath. "You can tell me anything. I may not want to hear it, but I've grown up a lot this past year, sometimes more than I'm comfortable with. But I'd rather be hurt by the truth, than comforted with a lie."
Marc reached over and stroked her cheek and then focused on his driving as he talked. "During those first few weeks after I'd recovered from the mine explosion, I didn't give much thought to my past life. Waking up without any memory of anything was bad enough, but I woke up in a remote village in a remote jungle in an even remoter part of the world. A place with no ties to civilization or the outside world. For me, it was as if the only people that existed were the forty or so individuals in that tribe." He glanced at her. "Steph, the Ye'kuana are perfectly content with their life and rarely talk about the world outside of the rainforest."
She responded, "I know. I was with them, remember? I was only there for one night, but they seemed to be a happy and peaceful people. Juan told me you were happy there, too."
"Juan spoke the truth. I was happy as long as I had no thoughts, no questions about my life before. My mind and body were so occupied with survival and healing, I never asked many questions, even of myself. Each day that passed was a wonder to me and I quickly fell into a rhythm of sleeping, hunting, eating and learning how to be a good Ye'kuana man."
Steph smiled at his last words. "According to Juan and Joran, you became that man. Joran proudly showed me the hut and canoe you helped the tribe build. He showed me the bow and arrows and the paddle you made. I even ate dinner out of the bowl you carved. You seemed to have become a bona fide member of the tribe and they all looked up to you."
"I owe them my life. If Joran hadn't rescued me from the river and Yada hadn't treated my wounds, I would have died. Then there was Joran's sister, Nevi. She was charged with nursing me back to health and since I was in and out of consciousness for the first couple of weeks, I required a lot of care. She was also the first person I saw when I woke up. Without knowing who I was or what kind of person I was, Nevi risked her own life to save me from the soldiers who forced their way into the village looking for the man who blew up their uranium mine."
"Wow, I didn't hear that story when I was in the village and I don't remember meeting anyone named Nevi. I wish I would have known so I could have thanked her."
Marc turned to look at Steph, an unreadable expression on his face. After a moment, he returned his focus to the road, but continued speaking. "She's at school now in Cuidad Bolivar. All young people in the village are given an opportunity to attend school in the big city once they reach the age of eighteen. They then can make their own decision whether they want to return to the rainforest or stay in the city. I don't know what choice Nevi will make. She's an intelligent girl and could do anything she put her mind to, much like you."
"It sounds like you think highly of Nevi?"
"I do.
"I'm sure she deserves your high opinion of her. And Marc, I'm glad you were happy there. It had to have been a hard time for you."
"It was hard at times, but I was happy… until Illiana came and brought the idea of the outside world with her. Because of her, I began to seriously question what I'd left behind. But… before she arrived in the village, something happened that jarred a memory within me, a memory I now know was of you. My first and only memory of my past."
"Me? I like that!" Steph said, grinning.
Marc shook his head. "You may not feel that way after I tell you what triggered it. But it's something I need to tell you. It involves Nevi."
Just from the tone in his voice, Steph's stomach turned over. Marc hadn't said the dreaded words, 'We need to talk,' but it didn't feel like it was going to be good news. She had to consciously open her fists when she realized her nails were digging into her palms.
He began, "A couple of months after I'd recovered, Juan asked me to do him a favor. It was something the Ye'kuana considered more of an honored tribal obligation than just a favor. The Ye'kuana have a custom, a tradition, where an elder, usually someone outside the immediate tribe, provides instruction to a young adult in the proper ways… of making love. The instruction is only for one night and Juan made it quite clear there was never to be any further sexual connection between teacher and student. Nevi asked me to be her teacher. I said yes."
Steph let out a gasp of shock. She didn't know what she'd expected, but this wasn't it. Her mind was racing. She glanced over at Marc and then immediately looked away. She didn't know whether to get angry or to cry.
Marc reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. "Steph, I realize how bad my actions then might seem to you now, but remember, I didn't have any memories of my past, any memories of you. I was making a place for myself among them. I owed Juan and his family my life. He was entrusting his daughter to me, which was a great honor. It was one night. It was sex, not love. And because of that night, I had my first awareness of you. Holding Nevi, I knew something was missing and it involved a beautiful woman with unforgettable blue eyes. From that moment on, I knew I had to find my way back to her, to you."
Stephanie heard his words and the entreaty in his voice, but she still couldn't look at him. Her voice low and racked with emotion, she told him, "I know I said I'd understand if you'd been with other women, but I hadn't realized how much it would hurt." She was unconsciously chewing on her lower lip, fighting back the tears.
He reached again for her hand, but stopped when he saw the sadness in her face. "I would never intentionally hurt you, Stephanie." It tore him up to know that something he did, even when done without forethought or malice, had hurt the most important person in his life.
"I can promise my future fidelity to you, Querida, but I can't change my past. It seems I can forget my past, I just can't change it." Marc grimaced at his poor attempt at lightening the mood.
Neither one of them spoke or looked at each other. Several more miles of rural countryside rushed by outside as they sat still and silent inside their Porsche cocoon – each deep in thought and personal contemplation.
It took awhile, but finally Steph let her hand wander across the console until it found Marc's. Their fingers entwined and they continued down the freeway, not speaking, but not needing to.
AN: Song is 'I Never Lost You' by John Berry.