Merry Christmas everyone! I hope Santa has been good with all of you. Well thanks for the reviews it made my day has always. I hope you're all having happy holidays. Here's the new chap which is short, and not extraordinary but...anyway

Enjoy,

So ;)

ps: Immi, I really wanted to redeem Warrick...but somehow I'm pretty sure I only made things worse. Oh and I stayed on my first idea, though your opinion was appreciated ;)

scuby, thanks for helping me out ;)

Chapter 37: Sara

I'm lying on my bed, wide awake, staring at my ceiling. I don't think I've slept ever since Catherine left my apartment two days ago.

I think I have a bad case of must for her. She came here and we argued – nothing really out of ordinary – she was angry as hell and then out of the blue I kissed her.

I couldn't put my finger on it at first but then I realized that it had been bubbling up for a while. At some undetermined point in time Cath's anger has become a turn on.

How the hell did that happened?

I wonder, and I don't know.

It could have been easy and the story could have stopped right there, it would have been easy and logical. I kissed her, she slapped me and bolted out of here, the end.

But she came back.

In fact, she came back and before I could articulate any apology her lips were back on mine in a 'oh so… wow' kiss.

The very first time we kissed Catherine and I, it was during my first break with Nance. If there was chemistry back then, two days ago was…wow.

I mean, I could barely control myself and if my body reactions were of any indication I wanted her badly.

Damn just thinking about it…

I growl in frustration and bury my head in a pillow.

Bloody hell…

Over 6 billions people on Earth and I had to have a bad case of lust over her, over my ex-lover's sister.

Don't you have the feeling that sometimes life takes a genuine pleasure laughing at you? Putting you in position that will get you troubles no matter what? I do, and I think that it's what's happening right now.

I hope it's just temporary, that whatever happened was a by product of the tension of our argument. I really hope that it's the case, otherwise I'll be in trouble.

Gee, why can't my life be simple for a change?

Oh and yeah I forgot the funny part in all this, she reproaches me with everything. If I'm taking the blame for the first kiss, the second one we're both guilty. I mean she came back after all.

But it doesn't matter. It's wrong and it won't happen again.

xxxxx

Days go by and I'm slowly slipping into insanity. My mind is spinning with questions and I feel like making circles. I can't help thinking about that kiss and wondering what it meant, why it happened…

I don't think I've ever felt so lost before. Lost and confused. How come something as simple as a kiss can turn everything into an indescribable mess?

"So what do we got?" Catherine says entering the lab I'm working in. She's been at the door for the past five minutes, debating whether or not to come in, I gave her a break and pretended not to know she was there.

It's worse than walking on eggshells, we're beyond that, now it's more like walking in the middle of a mined field, if you want my opinion I preferred the eggshells, but we don't always get what we want. I don't even understand myself, I feel uncomfortable whenever she's close to me – which as you could have guessed doesn't happen a lot ever since the 'kiss' incident, I feel my body temperature warming up, and my heart starts to run a marathon and my mood switches, I feel either incredibly angry or incredibly stupid. Why? Hell if I know!

"We actually have something new. I found a bloody print on the pillow, and what's interesting is that it doesn't belong to either of the victims," I reply flatly. Trying my best to stay as emotionless as possible.

"Really?" She smiles. "Excellent…now if we could find who they belong to…"

"Yeah…" I sigh.

She shakes her head a bit "So Doc confirmed that Mr Porter died before his wife, she basically had to watch her husband having his throat slashed."

"You got the result of the tox screen?"

"Another interesting bit, only Mrs Porter had a shot of halothane, Mr didn't have such a chance, yet there's no defensive wound so he didn't try to fight whatsoever."

"They're escalating and that's bad," I state with a bit of frustration. There you go I'm angry again. I feel this strange heat all over my body and my brain starts to throw me images I do not want to see, namely reminiscences of Catherine in my arms and "I hate that… going blindfolded."

"We're moving slowly, but we're moving. In my opinion they are either becoming cocky or sloppy, in both case they start to leave traces behind them and it's a good thing for us."

"Yeah and bad for how many people?" I ask. And there I feel it this little bubble of fire in the pit of my stomach. Shit. "I think I need a break," I add hastily not willing to have an argument right now, we know what happened the last time.

The rest of the shift goes pretty smoothly, I avoid Catherine as much as she avoids me and we eventually catch up on our findings.

I don't know how long this little game is going to last but I know that if I don't find a way to understand myself or at least get back the control over myself, I might start to become really insane.

xxxxx

I'm at Nancy's, she just came back from work, Jeremy is at football practice while I'm teaching Allan how to play chess. We've been playing for the past two hours and he's a fast learner. I like the look of high concentration he gets when he thinks about his next move. I'll tell you the more the time passes by and the more I like to see the boys growing up and the more I'm proud to be a member of this family.

"Check mate," I announce.

"How come I lose again? I mean I ate almost all of your master pieces."

I chuckle. "You missed the point squirt. It's not about taking your opponent's pieces, it's about protecting your King and defeat the other."

"I'll beat you one day," he says with a grin.

"I have no doubt about that," I reply ruffling his hair.

We play another party waiting for Nancy to come out from her shower, then he goes to his bedroom reading, leaving me alone with Nancy so we can have some time alone.

It's been two weeks since I've kissed Catherine and it's been literally eating me alive. Not only because I still can't explain what happened, but I came to feel like I was lying to Nancy, betraying her and in some way I am. And it kills me not to tell her because I know telling her would do any good, but I also know I'll have to come clean eventually.

"… Gee…I didn't know I was so boring," Nancy chuckles effectively shaking me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly.

"Come on," she says standing up from the kitchen chair and reaching out a hand. I take it and stand up as well. She leads us to the couch, she sits down while I lie down resting my head on her laps. She starts to caress my hair in a soothing motion and I can feel myself drifting into sleep. As always she knew exactly what I needed.

I wake up some undetermined time later. My head is still on Nancy's laps and she's still caressing hair, her attention though is on a documentary she's watching on the TV without any sound. She feels me moving so she shift her focus on me. She smile and kisses my forehead gently. "Hey there."

"Hey," I reply.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost time to go with the boys. You know if you're tired we can change the schedule…" she starts.

"Oh no, no, it's okay, I just needed a little nap," I reply before yawning.

The boys sleep at my place tonight, according to the schedule. Nancy and I have settle things properly so the whole family is seldom apart. Even if we don't live under the same roof anymore we are all together as much as possible.

"You're sure?" she asks.

"Yeah, yeah I'm sure, don't worry," I rise up from her laps and sit on the couch. I rub my face with my hands to shake the last remain of sleep. "I'm going to freshen myself a bit and then we'll go, ok?"

"Sure," she smiles. I stand up and kiss her head, then I head to the bathroom.

One hour later we're at my place making dinner while the boys are assembling a new model car in the living room.

"…Well it's not much but at least you're moving a bit," Nancy finishes as I tell her about my current case with Catherine.

"Yeah, but it's so frustrating," I sigh. "Anyway, what about you, did you manage to finish the program you had in mind or not?"

And she process to tell me about the latest event at her work.

We have dinner all together, watch a movie and send the boys to bed. Nancy and I decide to have hot chocolate in the kitchen before she goes back to her home.

"I'm here for you," she says out of the blue. "I'm not blind, I can see something is bothering you, so I just want you to know that if you need to talk I'm here," she offers, taking my hand in hers. I squeeze her hand lightly in response and smile a bit. We share a silence then she keeps on her story. "So you can imagine that I was dreading the worse when it came to Doug, I mean he's been really clear on his opinion about poetry and…"

"I kissed Catherine," I blurt out in a mere whisper. The words burn my tongue as I feel the taste of ashes invading my mouth. I can't hold it in anymore, I can't stand lying to Nancy, not when I know that what I feel right now is so strong, is just the beginning of something, even if it's just the beginning of big troubles.

"I knew this assignment would…" Nancy marks a bit, the bomb I just dropped crashing in her brain, spreading the meaning of my words. Then she blinks before speaking again as if I hadn't said anything. "…be difficult for him. And I was more than surprised by the result. He actually made a brilliant poem, really brilliant and expressive. I knew he had potential and I realized that the only reason poetry didn't touch him before is because…"

"Did you hear what I said?" I ask her.

But she keeps on like I wasn't talking at all "The reason poetry didn't touch him before is because he didn't feel like it was real, as if using images and metaphor made the poets cold, unable to feel…"

"Nance…" I try again.

"Do you want me to go?" she snaps calmly, but her balled fist betrays her cool.

I sigh "So…how was Doug's poetry?"

She looks away, she tries hard but fails not to show the hurt, not to show how upset she is. She snorts with a smile tainted with hurt "Betrayal and lies, you would have loved it I'm sure," she says with an acerb tone I never heard her use, at least never with me. "I mean, it was well written and…"

She stands up brutally, knocking her chair down in the process. "Bloody hell!" she swears before going to the counter top. Her back is facing me but I can see her shoulder trembling slightly. I stand up and close the distance between us. I put my hands on her shoulder "Nance…"

"Don't," she says harshly shrugging my hands off. "Don't!" she turns to me, her expression is a mix between anger and pain. "Don't touch me," she says through her teeth, her eyes are moist but tears refuse to fall. She pushes me away as she goes past me, she grabs her coat and heads to the door. "I'm going home," she throws over her shoulder. "Glad to hear you have moved on."

I follow her "Nancy I haven't…Nance please…" I beg but she doesn't listen to me and two seconds later she's outside my apartment. I lean against my door and bump my head against it several times. "Damn, damn, damn… damn it Sidle!" I swear under my breath. I let myself sliding down and close my eyes for a moment.

I think I'm going to be sick.

xxxxx

"Sara!"

I startle. I look up and see Greg looking at me expectantly. "Come on we got to go," he says waving a little pink paper in his hand.

"Uh, yeah ok, give me five minutes," I say standing up from the couch and exiting the break room.

If my life was complicated before I've officially reached Hell now. Before I couldn't sleep because I was obsessed about what happened between Cath and I, and those new sensation I would feel in her presence. Now I can't sleep nor think about anything else but Nancy not talking to me, Catherine not talking to me, my kiss with Catherine, my inability to control or understand myself.

I am so screwed.

As I enter the locker room Catherine is coming out of it and we almost collide. We stop short in our tracks a few inches away from each other. As usual lately my body starts to have strange reactions. It's like a jolt of electricity was travelling my whole being. My eyes fall on her lips and instantaneously memories from our kiss cloud my mind. I shake my head to focus again. We are way too close from one another and one of us should take a step back, but none of us move.

"Sorry, didn't see you," I mutter.

"I need to…" she trails off motioning behind me.

"Yeah…" I breathe out. "And I need to…" I motion the inside of the locker room. I can feel myself shaking a little as a powerful sensation is bubbling up in me again. I know this sensation, it's the same I had a just before kissing her. I feel my head leaning in a little, moving slowly in a barely perceptible move.

No, no, no, don't go there…

"I think…" she seems to have as much trouble to focus as I have. "You should…move…" she says heaving a little.

"Yeah…"

We stay still, not moving struggling with this invisible force pushing us toward like we were two opposite side of magnets vainly trying not to be attracted to one another.

"Sara…" she pleads.

"Yeah," I shake my head in a split second of clarity and move aside so she can go out while I go in. As our bodies brush against each other I feel myself going weak on my knees. As soon as she's out of sight I collapse on a bench and try to take deep breath to compose myself again.

xxxxx

Once the shift is over I drive around for an hour before deciding against going back home. I arrive at my destination pretty quickly, I exit my car and lock it before walking to the door. Lucky me, the door is opened shortly after my three little knock.

"Doll?" Warrick is surprised to see me here to say the least but greets me inside. I turns to me after closing the door. I'm trying to think about words to explain him why I'm here but all the sudden everything just crash on my shoulders and I can't help but losing my composure. "Hey, come here," he says before enveloping me in a big hug.

He holds me like that for a while, but he feels me getting weaker by each new second so he bends a bit and sweep me off my feet, carrying me like a child and leads us straight to his room. There he puts me gently on his bed and climb up after me holding me tight as I cry myself out.

When I open my eyes I'm alone and I have a big headache. I take a few minute to be situated again and then head to the living room. Warrick is there reading. He turns to look at me as he hears my footstep.

He immediately puts his book aside and starts to take care of me. After eating a bit we find ourselves in his living room again. I tell him everything that happened and he just listens to me silently, giving me the opportunity to get it all out of my system before confronting me about it.

"You kissed Catherine…again…" he sighs. "Sometimes I wonder if you ever learn your lesson," he states.

"I know…"

"Why?" he asks genuinely intrigued.

"I don't know…I…there's this ting I feel when she's around…it's like…like us when we were in our…really physical phase… I don't know where it comes from but it's there…" I struggle with my words but I know he understands me loud and clear. As I once said when he and I were dating and for a long period after we ended the dating part there was the need in us stronger than desire or anything else, this need to get under each other's skin constantly.

"You feel that way with Cath?"

"I don't know… well…my body reacts oddly and…I get this need to feel her lips again… and I remember everything…"

He contemplates me silently before asking his next question. "Do you have feelings for her?"

That brings all my thoughts to a screeching halt. Do I have feelings for Catherine?

Almost four weeks since the kiss and never once did this question pop up in my mind. I know I feel attraction, that's kind of impossible to deny now, but feelings?

My mind is way too messy and I really don't have energy to think about this question. So I decide to move on to my other preoccupation.

"Nancy refuses to talk to me. It's been a week now and it's killing me."

"Can you blame her?" he asks rhetorically. "In my opinion, she would have been upset had it been anybody else, but it's her sister we're talking about so…"

"Thanks for the reminder."

"There's something I don't get though. Why telling her?"

"I couldn't stand the idea of lying to her," I reply.

"But it didn't bother you that much not to tell her about the first kiss Catherine and you had shared. Sure you weren't lying blatantly, but you weren't being honest either."

"Shit Rick! I'm having a hard time as it is without you making my trial about my previous actions," I snap.

"Sara…you come here for me to listen to you and give you my point of view, I'm being honest here that's all. Now if you want me to tell you what you need to hear fine I can do that but I'll be lying to you then," he says in a calm voice.

Fair point.

I sigh in frustration, I know he's right but there are something I really don't need to think about, I'm already deep in it without adding anything to my misery.

"I'm just trying to understand why you did what you did. You knew it would hurt Nancy to tell her about the kiss, you didn't have to tell her anything yet you did, now you complain. There's a lack of coherence in your actions Dolly." he takes a deep breath. "Look I want to help you, but I can't do that until we figure out why you're acting like this and why you're feeling like this. I know you and be it consciously or unconsciously there's always a reason to each of your actions."

"I can't do this, not today, not…I can't…I'm too tired physically and emotionally to think about all this crap. I know you're right but it only frustrates me and…I can't do this. I should go home. Thank you for taking care of me," I say hastily before almost running out of his place.

"Sara wait…"

"I got to go Rick, see you…" I reply before exiting his place.

When you feel vulnerable you have two options, face the problems or flee. I took the easy way out.

I'm a coward….yeah so what?

I know, I know...just remember...I got a plan, so just have faith in me we're almost there.

Thanks for reading.