Disclaimer: If I did I would be Goddess Supreme.

After much reading of Philip and research of his son, I find my date inconclusive. While every point of view is different and it is true every historian's perspective is intrusive with the facts, I had to read between the lines of every book, every academic article to get a better sense of Philip's first and ill fated son, Don Carlos. While many rumors have circulated through the centuries that he was insane verging on psychopathic tendencies I find myself pitting this young man. He was mad there is no doubt about that, however part of his dementia was due to his parents and grandparents being so closely related. Philip's parents were first cousins, as was Philip's first wife.

I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, this is longer than usual but only because of Carlos' dramatic introduction, and his perspective -which I had trouble writing.

Chapter #37: It's been a while

"Why must I feel this way? Just make this go away
just one more dream, please forget
And it's been a while since I could look at myself straight
and its been a while since I said I am sorry
And it's been a while since I have seen the way the candles light your face
And it's been a while but I can still remember the way you taste
And everything I can remember
It's fucked up as it all may seem
To me I know its freak
And can I blame this on my father?
Did the best things come from me?
And it's been a while since I could hold my head up high
and it's been a while since I said I am sorry"

~"It's been a while" by Stain

1558, Spain

Alcazar Palace:

She guessed (and she guessed correctly) that he was sorely disappointed that she was not his darling Elisabeth. But in spite of his initial disappointment he was glad that his father had picked for his wife a beautiful maiden with a child-like face and genuine affection for her beloved.

She supposed he had expected a much prettier, brighter bride than she, but if he was displeased as she suspected he did a good job hiding it. Catalina was pleased, she did not want to be called Katherine any longer -England and everyone in it were her past, that included her poor late sister, pittiful Isabella and her cousin George -who at one point been her childhood sweetheart ... but that was in the past now. She did not want to pretend in front of Carlos more than what it was required.

Annie or, in her new Spanish version of her name, Ana insisted to accompany her sister and future daughter in law to visit her stepson.

Catalina braced for herself for what was to come with Carlos, thankfully it never did.

Carlos was excited at the prospect of marriage. Finally something he could oust his father, he bowed to all the Saints and his father's Grand Inquisitor, Fernando Valdes the Cardinal and Archbishop of Seville, one of the most important cities in their country, to show allegiance to his Lord father and to behave as was expected of him to his prospective bride.

But this bride was another, his oath of allegiance was null now.

"She is a pig" it was said he declared when they substituted the chain around his neck holding the miniature portrait of his former betrothed, Princess Elisabeth de Valois of France, with Lady Katherine Tudor-Wittelsbach of England.

"A simply lady?" He had questioned his mentor in outrage and spat at the locket that his Aunt Juana forced it on him, and ripped it from his neck and threw it at the Count of Feria who had recently married during his master's entourage in England, one of his bride to be's mother's ladies, Jane Dormer -whose simplicity and plain face satisfied him -so much that he risked his prospective bride's honor and that of his family.

Love -Carlos thought was a word for the weak, but oh how he longed to be loved and feel love.

He saw her for the first time and realized for the first time that the Saints in all their knowledge had answered his prayers. There was meaning to his life, maybe this was God's way of telling him that He took Elisabeth from him because he had reserved a better woman.

This beauty standing in front of him did not match his stepmother to be looks. And how could she? When his stepmother to be was much plainer than any woman Carlos had seen. For once life was smiling at him.

He knelt down and kissed the hem of her robes "My Lady I am honored that you came here" before he moved on to the Queen to be, which would no doubt be considered -much later when word reached him of his son's presentation to the two women- a huge disrespect. But what did he care what his father thought? All that mattered was that Catalina was here and, refusing to let this beauty taken as Elisabeth had been taken, to her father- he intended her to be all his. Just HIS. Nobody -he vowed- will lay eyes on you.

Regardless of whether she heard of him or not made no difference. He would make her love him, she was going to be his wife after all. It made no difference whether she loved him or not, at least she did not flinch away or recoiled in disgust at his touch when his fingers were raised to the blush in her cheeks.

"Do not worry My Lady I shall treat you with all the honors that befit a Princess and a future Queen of Spain"

As Annie heard this words she shuddered. Her husband had been right, there was a mad glee in her stepson's eyes but who was she to judged when she too had been deprived of a loving mother? Maybe it was good they brought a dominant woman as her sister, maybe in time Carlos' affection for her would help soothe the beast in Katherine and in turn Katherine would help Carlos get rid of all his negative thoughts pertaining to his father.

The ceremony had been celebrated on the twelfth of November. Diana had taken great pains in telling her ladies how she wanted her hair to look the best for the dual marriage of her Aunt and Lady Mother.

She had thrown a bouquet of flowers over her Aunt's head at the banquet. Her Aunt reminded her but without the reproachful tone she would have heard of her lady mother, that she had to remember that they were in Spain now and that in public they had to address each other by their given titles.

"I shall but for now you are My Lady Aunt and I am Princess Diana, your Princess until you have a girl I can play with and teach her cards"

Kitty giggled. For to Diana she would always be Kitty, her favorite Aunt.

She leaned forward and kissed her forehead and patted her head stirring jealousy in her bastard sister, now Queen of Spain -but that, Catalina promised herself would soon change- as she walked to the raised gallery to join her mother and her new parent.

"Are you happy that I married your mother Your Highness?" Philip asked in Castilian with a half smile. There was no need for Latin anymore, they were in Spain and he wanted his new family members to speak the tongue of his and their native ancestors to be fully accepted by the people, and Diana besides, could understand her great grandmother's tongue very well and speak it thus.

"Very I never thought I would see a city so big, it has immense fields on the countryside, bigger than me or my Lord Father may he rest in peace" she said hesitating, bringing her fingers on her forehead and doing the sign of the cross. Her father was still a delicate subject "had ever seen. It is a big country, what are you going to do with it?"

Philip had many answers to give her, but he yearned to be in his wife's arms at last without worry, or fear they might get caught.

He simply said: "Rule what else? A King must tend to the Almighty and his people first but I will always have a special place in my heart reserved only for the two most beautiful women in Christendom" He pointed at her nose and she giggled.

"See Your Majesty, Lady Mother? You had nothing to worry for"

"Me worry dear? It was you who was worried" Annie said kissing her daughter's head, Diana snuggled closer to her mother. Such affection would have seem uncomely of a Spaniard but the courtiers regarded Diana for what she was, as a foreigner and no title, no robes, no new hair nets would ever change that, so they let it pass.

"When can I have a little brother or sister?"

Philip nearly spit his wine. He looked at Diana "Su Alteza" she blushed when he said her new title, and the way he said it, so proud but so gentle made her cheeks go a deeper shade of red, so visible now that the courtiers dancing below looked at their new Infanta and thought how cute and simple she looked. "Your mother and I have not discussed that, let alone have time for ourselves to make one"

"But when you do will you tell me?"

"Of course" Philip promised "You will be the first one to know"

Diana was not yet ready -despite her new tutors' reports- for the autos da fe. She was not yet fully mature for such a spectacle. Annie his passionate and outspoken wife was a different matter. She knew what was required of her in Spain, she knew of their traditions and she assured Philip after their conversion that she and the rest of her family would not intervene or speak against his holy church. Personally if she were to be asked, she considered it disgusting and a perfect lack of decadence on part of the church. First God punished Eve for wanting to attain knowledge now through His Holy Church He was punishing His true faithful whose only sin in reality had been to follow the path of righteous and the just. In Philip's world, the Inquisition had no room for these open minds. "Tolerance" they preached "is a dangerous thing, once you open a door the devil creeps in. We must not let these heretics poison our young's minds. Let the English loose their souls, they are animals anyway but letting our own consume this heresy is an infamia." Fernando Valdes, the Archbishop of Sevilla was the more vocal of the Inquisitors. He'd scared Diana when he knelt before her to pay his respects for the new Princess.

"They scare me lady mother, I do not want to meet them"

"But you must Diana, they are your people now and you do not want to displease your new friends do you?" Diana shook her head, she was very sorry she had displeased her lady mother and apologized later to the Archbishop for refusing to bow in his presence.

"This is not England in here a King is even subject to his holy ones, there is no head of the church here but the holy vicar and even he is subject to the approval of Kings but above all the Highest Majesty which is God" Philip had said as much and she understood clearly after that what was expected of her.

"There has never been a Princess more beautiful, an Infanta more graceful" His courtiers said. But she wasn't fully accepted and it was clear to her she must change. Still, Diana was happy that Philip would not take her to meet more of these men with their long robes and heavy jeweled fingers and their dry lips muttering curses to the so called "heretics" that they blamed for everything bad that happened in the country.

Philip was proud of her, as a father with his daughter. She had taken the first steps to being a Spanish Princess and she never complained since her arrival of her tutors or the number of rules -that were more than her native country- she had to obey. Her tutors sang nothing but praises of her.

She was thankful that she was a child and contented herself with the knowledge that it would be years from now when she would see such ceremony. Her mother had agreed with her new husband it was for the best to keep Diana absent, her eyes were too little and she too innocent and naive to witness such acts of cruelty at the hand of the man she now admired.

The change of music and her stepfather's voice brought her mind back to the present as he extended his hand out to his mother. "Will Her Majesty grant me this dance?"

"Granted" Annie said with a solemn smile. It was the way she danced, the way she carried herself that impressed the Spaniards. They'd taken her for the arrogant Heretic Queen that Charles V made her out to be, but she showed none of the qualities which had made her infamous throughout the world.

She danced slowly at the beat of music, she bowed first and would not move unless her husband gave the command first. She was their perfect Queen, docile, passive, and tender. And Diana watching from on top gave her mother heavy nods of approval and later, she too, had her chance to show of her dancing skills.

Then came the time for the brides and grooms to retire to their chambers. He could not contain his thoughts, he was as nervous as a school boy when he should not be. They had done this many times but this time ... this time -he whispered to himself- it was different.

Tonight they would come together as man and wife and this would only be the first of many nights for what he hoped would be the rest of their lives. Just thinking that he would spend the rest of his life brought a smile to his lips and he met her -showing the same enthusiasm as when their bodies had first joined- and consummated their love.

"Philip" She moaned as his hands descended to her fine buttocks, obvious proof of her fertility.

He had never had a night as fine as the previous one. He'd always questioned his role in this new world of tolerance and heresy. Both words went hand in hand and in a world of new men, the old and the traditional such as he had no say in. But he was God's chosen and he intended to rid the world of all its impurities. He was convinced it was the reason why he was born in the first place.

Annie was proof that violence was not the only way to solve his problems, contrary to what Alba believed. Annie had accepted conversion along with Diana.

"You are beautiful" He did not need say it but lover overturned his logic. She was beautiful, the flowers arranged in her hair for their wedding ceremony, some, were still there. Philip took one of those plastic flowers and gave it to her "Red your favorite color"

"My color Your Majesty, the color of love and passion and my family"

"I thought I was your family now"

"Family never goes away Philip, you more than anyone knows family is forever" One moment she was sly, another she was frivolous, and at the next she acted like a politician, speaking with pure frankness.

He chuckled at her boldness that never ceased to amaze him. "You are going to be the death of me sweetheart"

"No Your Majesty you are going to be the death of me." She answered coming on top of him, inverting positions, and sliding her hands down his chest.

"What would the courtiers say if they heard us humping like gorillas after our consummation?"

"They would say Spain has conquered England!" She said pressing her body against his.

After an hour of carnage, their bodies pit together, fighting each other for dominance, she grew exhausted and fell on her back clutching her womanhood where Philip had just been in, seconds ago.

She moaned with pain. Her legs hurt and she could barely move.

Philip was no better. "You should have been named Diana, Annie"

"Don't tell me you are too tired Philip" she said making long pauses, having trouble breathing. "That thing you showed me just now, I never seen you try it on me before"

Philip gave a devilish grin "That is because we always had to hide our relationship and we never had time between your father requesting your presence and Diana coming to our rooms to discuss over the wedding arrangements and her new gowns"

"Don't blame my little huntress, she is no different than any other Princess whose only worries are dresses and shoes"

"Aye but such vanity could undo her. Remember your namesake"

Annie shuddered. She had grown with legends of Katherine of Aragon and Anne Boleyn and their famous rivalry. She was always more intrigued by -whom she considered her true- mother's mother than her biological grandmother. She asked her what was she like? Elizabeth was hesitant at first, the topic of her mother was a delicate subject that even her father was wise enough never to mention it in front of her. But she had been so insistent that she eventually lowered down her emotional guard and revealed the truth of how Anne Boleyn had been a good mother and a good mistress to her servants. However, Elizabeth acknowledged, her mother had been terrible to others and that and her coquettish ways brought her downfall.

It was a lesson for Annie, that Elizabeth tried to convey, that women who thought themselves above their husbands would eventually suffer for their follies. "For this world" -her Aunt had said -"was not made for women who are weak of heart" And her mother's only other sin besides her arrogance was her weakness of heart.

"That is why you have to be strong, never let people tell you what to do for that is the first sign of weakness in a woman. If you must make your way in the world do it so in a way you make your husband believe you are not above him"

"I am more than she ever was" She declared "She married my grandfather who was a lusty man who was ready to put to death a wife if she displeased him. But I married a man who is incapable of inflicting cruelty (even if he wants to) to his fellow Christians"

In one sentence she had avoided herself a great trouble by not including the general population of Spain that was made of Moors, Jews, conversos, and what not.

Philip was satisfied with her reply but he sensed there was more to it, but he let it rest. He was content and that was something that he rarely experienced.

"Only because this sovereign lord has a beautiful wife with a tender heart and a tender face"

She blushed. The things Philip said to her. But as she experienced pure joy she remembered her father and his last words to her and their last moment together:

"And I will always be with you" He added softly, tears building in his eyes. "I love you and I will always be with you and whenever you need me...if you need anything I swear to god I will swim over Spain if I have to"

He could not contain his tears any longer, they were the first to be spilled followed by Annie who was deeply touched. She swung her arms covered by the slashed Spanish and Flemish style sleeves, green and white, around his neck. He felt the prick of her jeweled fingers but said nothing. Her next words shook the very core of him.

"You saved me from my mother, and you were always there for me, my Aunt was more a mother than my own mother. You taught me everything, everything good I am is because of you."

"You are and always will be my greatest achievement." And there it was that word again 'great', not 'proud' but great, but he wasn't nervous this time, he was proud, immensely proud and happy to have sired a beautiful, humble, loyal, bright daughter.

"If I died tomorrow I would die happy knowing that I left something good of myself in this world and that you are the just person you should be. I have never cared about the past any less after you were born. You are the only good thing that me and your mother created"

They broke their embrace and she covered her sobs "Mary said when I was at Hundson … an-a-and I-I" She began calling her mother by her Christian name for she had stopped being her mother a long time ago "I-I wanted to ask you: Is it true what you said to her: "I am glad for I would not have my child have a mother like you"? And then you said you pitied me?"

He shook his head followed by a nod that left her a baffled expression.

For it was true and false. He explained the contents of the conversation. Right after she and Henry were born he and Bess had gone to Mary's chamber to congratulate her for the birth of a male heir. It was there Mary revealed while Bess held her, she was his daughter "And I looked at your face and realized my sin. I was shocked and I knew your mother wanted to use you against me, I could not succumb to sadness or her mockery so I said what I said but Annie mark my words: I never regretted you were born, the day you came to live with me and Bess was the happiest day of my life, you my daughter I repeat are an angel God sent to me from Heaven"

And could not deny the flow of tears and the gut wrenching pain in her chest.

He recognized those tears and wiped them from her face with his fingers.

"Why so sad?" My love –he wanted to add. And take her in his arms and take her in his arms as he'd done countless times before and make love to her again, but his limbs were sore with aching. He gave her time to answer and listened to her words contemplative of the past.

"My father ... I will miss him and I guess you know now who I am talking about. He taught me everything I know ... I could not be happier that he will be the Lord Protector and my Aunt the governor for my son, I know they will make sure he becomes the King he is meant to be" She said giving a wistful smile when she turned to face him.

Philip -making an effort- reached for her hugged her before turning her and kissing the top of her head "I know, I know you will miss him. But if it becomes too painful for you, you can of course come to England. It would even be good for the relations between England and Spain."

Catalina was not so happy with her consummation. Carlos had gone stiff as a board, she had to try one of those Eastern practices she'd seen in her brother's pleasure book. She had to awaken in him his passion and clear his head of every doubt that had to do with his father and his masculinity. She put her mouth in his large throbbing manhood to stir the passion that had remained suppressed.

She rolled on her side and told him to be on top. He did not hesitate when his release came and she felt his seed creeping in her. She did not squeal, there was no passion to be had, and she neither moaned or kissed him afterwards.

He was not George. She must remember that.

Who cared if he loved her or if he was devoted? He would betray her later for another pale face, yellow haired wench. Men, they were all alike, her mother said and she remembered her mission. Her first duty was to her family, not to Carlos'.

His arms wrapped around her, his fingers around around her stomachs drawing imaginary circles wondering if there was life inside her.

He took her lips into his, even when he kissed it was disgusting and she hated every second of it. It seemed like an eternity passed before their lips parted. With a pale smile on his dry thin lips he told her "I enjoyed this night" and being the perfect gentleman he slid his hand to hers and brought it to his mouth and kissed it.

She drew a smile. "You are so beautiful, you will be the most beautiful Queen. My Catalina, we will be King and Queen you and I someday" She realized how with his pale sod face he could give her everything she wanted. She just had to release the tiger from his cage.

Give him a son -she heard her mother's voice in her head -give him a son and give Spain a King -her mind added- and you will bring the whole of Spain, including their bastard Queen, to their knees.

She liked that idea, she liked it very much. She kissed Carlos squarely on the mouth and together they fulfilled their ambitions and begot a son.

1558, November

England

George thought of that little red haired girl he had comforted in what seemed so long ago. What was she doing now? Was she suffering at the hands of mad Carlos.

Mary Stewart's hands trailed down, past his shoulders to his waistline. She had a great surprise to give him, toppled with that which came from abroad that Gomez-Farias, the Count of Feria had just brought. It would take his mind off his little minx.

She refused to give in and live up to a ghost's memory. Whatever you are Kitty, Katherine, Catalina, whatever name she used now, I shall destroy you.

George loved her and she loved him. Her tender affection for George had grown to love but she was careful to not act on instinct because when a woman used her heart, she acted on instinct and that made her act foolish.

Mary was not foolish, years of rearing in the highest court of all in France, had taught her never to give in.

She remembered the King of Spain's advice to her George. Poor George was no longer timid when he came to her bed, she cheated and said it all came natural to her but when he lied on top of her, she would use tricks with her fingers and her mouth that he did not know she had learned from France. Her husband Francois, if only he'd lived she would have seen herself crown Queen. Her former father in law would not have lived for long. In spite of his relative young age at forty, his once black beard had gone gray as the rest of his scalp. He'd suffered many losses and the defeat of Calais had scarred him for life.

It would be said in many years from now that the Queen of France's poor management of the country while her husband was away was due to her arrogance and her desire to make her husband proud that drove so many of the soldiers to loose morals as they'd become aware that the one leading the battle from her pleasant stay in the Chatteau du Chambord was not their beloved sovereign but his foreign wife whom they hated with the passion.

She was referred as Madame le Serpent. For good reason. Mary had been bold and conscious of the dark practices of her mother in law yet she never submitted to her rule which was -considering the influence the Duchesse de Valentinois on the King- non-existent. Conscious that her beauty attracted everyone at court she had grown more careless, refusing to bow to anyone save the true Queen of France, in all but name, Diana de Poiters.

Elisabeth, her former sister in law had warned her that it would come the day when she would regret her ill treatment of her mother in law. Mary merely laughed and scoffed at Elisabeth's warnings. Now she began to wonder if perhaps Elisabeth had foreseen her future. It was said that she shared her mother's gifts. Mary shook these uncomfortable thoughts from her mind. She was not going to end up like that dour Italian woman lamenting herself. A woman's misery was entirely her fault.

"After I give Scotland a son" she said leaving the 'you' part "I think we shall give you a new title. How do you like Duke of Edinburgh?"

He shrugged his shoulders, he hadn't really thoughts of what his new title would be. He'd been married but never formally invested. He wondered what the people in Scotland would think of their Queen having an English husband?

She laughed at his concerns and dismissed them with a light shake of head "They will accept whoever I appoint and you would be my King in all but name. Remember that the agreement was you were to be my Consort but it is left to me and the Scottish lords to decide if you are King or not" She said in perfect English.

Her French accent had nearly disappeared but there were some words which she would pause as the pronunciation remained too difficult for her.

"Don't you agree George it is for the best you are my titular Consort and not King?"

"My mother would like to see me King?"

Ah yes indomitable Bess would want nothing more than to see her daughter in law bend the knee to her. But if she had not bend the knee to a more fearsome woman who consorted with wizards and delved in their dark arts, what made her think she would to her?

"Look George you know that I would like nothing more than to see you crown my Consort, my King, but Scotland is not ready for an English monarch"

"But you would be their Queen. I would listen to you" He said rapidly, Mary could barely make out what he was saying "All you should do is petition them"

Without realizing he made a mistake that Mary all too quickly pointed out.

"Should? Who are you to command me My Lord? You are my husband and I am your mistress in bed but outside of these chamber walls I am your Queen"

George got outraged and got abruptly from the bed.

"Worn so soon George? I thought you would love to hear the happy news?"

"What happy news? Don't play games with me Madame!"

"Oh George you should not say such things to the mother of your unborn son" She pouted coming behind him still nacked.

George froze and turned to her. His icy gaze melted. "Y-you are ..."

She nodded.

He screamed of joy and embraced her, she joined his excitement but she cut his happiness short by deciding to strike a massive blow to his heart.

"The Princess of Asturias, Count of Feria came to see your father and told us, that she is with child too. Isn't that sweet George?"

George let go of her and stared at her in horror.

"George?" She didn't understand. This was supposed to take Katherine off his mind! George shook his head madly and ran out of the room to his own chamber and started crying.