Well, better late than never, right? Right?
Very sorry about last week. I'll spare you the details but thank you for hanging around. I don't mind you loitering.
Chilled wine toasts and air kisses to my friends that hold my hand and coax me back from the ledge. Faireyfan and les16. I like surprising them with sex scenes too. They get all excited. ;) Maybe you will too.
Any mistakes left are all mine.
March 2008
She almost spilled her coffee scrambling up from the table when she saw him run by.
One sleepless night had been enough for Bella. It was one thing to orbit each other in unspoken tension, like they'd been doing for the last month, quite another to allow a single sexually charged foot-in-mouth moment to fester and grow into something unbearable.
His frustrated words yesterday had shocked her… but they'd also turned her on.
…Or should I fuck you…"
She just wasn't that kind of girl. Well, she could have been that kind of girl if Edward had been himself… but he hadn't. He wasn't. Instead, the love and affection she'd felt from him four years ago had been replaced with discontent and frustration… anger.
But under her sheets later that night she could still feel the heat of his whisper in her ear.
"Should I kiss you…
…Or should I fuck you…"
"Edward! Wait…" she called from her back porch after she threw the door open, squealing a bit when the cold air shot through the thin cotton of her sleep pants. She grabbed her fleece from the nearby hook, and almost fell down, sliding across the decking in absurd poofy multicolor socks, long hair streaming out behind her as she ran.
He'd come to a halt on the sand at the back of her house when she called, heart thrumming faster at seeing her than it had from the stress of his morning run. It was an effort not to turn tail and make a break for the safety of his own porch. Away from this maddening girl that made him forget that he'd ever been born with any sort of civility. He dearly hoped that Bella wasn't one of those girls that liked to talk and talk and talk about a misunderstanding. Mountains… molehills… beating a dead horse into the ground, Mrs. Cope would say.
"Bella." He offered a reserved smile when she jogged up, bright eyed, her breath puffing out in little clouds. "Nice socks."
It was very obvious that she was still in her pajamas. It was an odd, intimate thing, seeing her in the clothes she'd worn to sleep, bringing images of soft curves and drowsy eyes with her hair all messy and… He shivered, now imagining her with him, lying warm and languid in white twisted sheets, over him, under him. He wondered if she liked to read in bed. Or what side she slept on.
"Thanks," she smiled back. "Hi."
"Hi." He was embarrassed suddenly; unable to meet her eyes and so resorted to gazing blankly at his shoes, under the pretense that he was looking for… shells. Or something. Hell. He pulled the hood of his sweatshirt back over his head. Why was she out here?
Her tangled hair whipped and twisted in the breeze, complicated and dark, chocolate, sparking cinnamon hot in the warmth of the sunrise. She attempted hopelessly to hold it back with her hands. He was reminded abruptly of a spicy chocolate bar he'd had as a kid back in Chicago one Christmas. He'd pretty much ignored the wrapper until he'd taken the first bite… then, eyes watering at the hot, peppery rush in his mouth he'd grabbed it back out of the trash, wondering how something so sweet could burn and sting. Spicy chocolate was confusing… an anomaly his young self hadn't been in a hurry to experience again anytime soon.
Bella Dwyer was confusing.
"Oh god, it's freezing out here," she gasped, hugging herself, hopping up and down.
Okay, sure, whatever. She wanted to do small talk while freezing her ass off? Fine, he could do small talk. "It'll warm up in an hour or so," he said, moving his gaze out to the water. Changing it up. Just as long as he didn't have to look at how beautiful she was, even tired and rumpled with smudges under her eyes. He wondered how long he needed to stay out here before it'd be socially acceptable to excuse himself out from under the tractor beam pull she seemed to have over him.
"Edward…"
He shook his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered before she could officially demand the apology she deserved. But he spoke toward the horizon, and his words were whipped away and over the water before they could reach her ears. Pathetic. He blew out a breath and turned to say it again so she could actually hear it.
"I'm so sorry," she blurted. Tears glittered in Bella's brown eyes, but she stood stiff and determined. Adamant.
"What?" he asked, too surprised to suppress the question. "You're sorry- why?"
"Lots of reasons. Listen, I have- do you want coffee?" She took two steps backward expectantly, and even held her hand out, as if they were connected somehow, as if he would simply follow her with no thought to his own self-preservation. He crossed his arms across his chest. Like hell he was walking through her kitchen door again anytime soon. Even if he'd wanted to.
"I shouldn't," he said, and rubbed the back of his neck, trotting out his best apologetic smile. He watched the emotion pass over her face, dismay, confusion… a flash of panic. Bella would never win a poker game; that was for sure. "But I need to tell you that I'm sorry for yesterday. I didn't… that was a horrible thing to say to you and I'm sorry. I'm not usually- I don't know why…" he trailed off, his hands clenched inside the pocket of his sweatshirt.
Fuck.
He wasn't exactly sure when it had happened, but he'd kind of turned into a pussy. Pete would say some bullshit like he was "growing up." News Flash, Pete. What he was doing was groveling not growing.
Whatever.
Pussy. Castrated by a piece of paper.
He suddenly got the itch to just get in the car and drive, destination unknown, because it didn't matter where the fuck he went as long as it wasn't here. Pete was doing fine, he didn't need Edward to run anything. In fact, Pete might even be glad to see him go, seeing as how he'd been freeloading off his uncle for the past four years. Atlanta maybe, or he could head south to Miami. He had plenty of money, that'd never been an issue. Maybe leaving was the push he needed to finally write the ending to his book. A change of scenery. The Letter never said he couldn't take a few months vacation. Pete was fine. His eating habits had changed… Edward wasn't sure if his uncle would keep up with the exercise but that probably wasn't too big of a deal.
And really, now that he'd hired Jake, Pete wouldn't need Edward.
"So. I'll see you around?" he asked, internally wincing at the ridiculous understatement. Besides the fact that they lived next door to each other, in a town with a population of just over 100, even if he was trying to avoid her, he'd still be certain to see her around pretty often.
She fidgeted and bit her lip, thoughtful. Hopeful. "Yeah. We'll do coffee another time."
"Sure," he said quietly, unable to understand the strange ache inside him at disappointing her. "Bye." He turned to head home.
Bella called after him, desperate fingers curling, tugging in her hair. "Edward! We're… we can be friends right?" Her eyes were a little wild. "Right?"
The naked emotion in her voice found an echo in his gut and suddenly it was hard to breathe. "Yeah… of course," Edward forced out, his voice oddly winded. "Friends… that's good because I'm not really up for anything more right now. So." He shrugged, instantly feeling like those were the wrong words to come out of his mouth. Like she'd believe he just wanted to be friends after the way he'd acted in her kitchen yesterday. He could have said anything but that. Now she'd pull girly shit and ask questions. He sighed, looking at his shoes again. Pussy.
"Why?"
"What do you mean, why?" He knew it, fucking questions. "How about, why are you so damned pushy?"
"No— I meant, why can't you do something more than friendship?"
He glared at her. But she was so unaffected and seemed genuinely curious, that after a long moment he relented. Sighing, he said, "It sounds stupid but I'm kind of… waiting for someone." The tips of his ears were pink.
Her eyes widened. "Who?"
Little lines gathered between his eyebrows. "Nothing. Nobody." Didn't she ever shut up? He'd known her a month and already she was demanding answers to questions no one else ever had the nerve to ask. A cold burn of anger sped through his veins. And why the fuck did he just give into her like that? "Forget it," he said in a tempered voice, "Jesus." He abruptly turned and stalked away.
Pleasure, intense and wild intertwined with a haunting despair, tore through Bella. Of course he was waiting for her. But how did he know to wait? Did he remember her in dreams? Was it a feeling? Instinct? Did his hands, his lips ever tingle with the ghost of her body? Surely the tips of his fingers remembered sliding through her hair, cradling her head, his thumbs tracing the curve of her neck, her jaw as he kissed her so softly. Like she was something precious, something he loved.
Tell him!
But no, his fingers didn't remember, or any other part of him, for that matter.
Tell him!
Tell him, and he'll love you, just like you want. You can make him believe.
But as she watched him walk home an uncomfortable thought niggled at the back of her mind. Just who had Edward fallen in love with before? He'd fallen in love with a shy, broken girl who'd had no one else in her life. When he saw her at that party, he was remembering the girl he'd lost unexpectedly in a horrible, tragic way. Firefly. That was the girl he'd wanted when he jumped back in time.
The problem was, that wasn't really her. Had never been her, thanks to Edward. Sure, she was still shy but it wasn't painful or crippling or even worth mentioning. She wasn't someone who'd lost her sister to suicide and endured the wrath of her mother because of it. She wasn't someone who'd been brutally raped and then bullied into never speaking of it to anyone.
A fierce longing rose up in Bella, the desire to be loved for who she was now, not for who he remembered her to be… and not out of some conscience-stricken need to make things up to her, because she'd died out there in the water while he was sleeping next door. She realized that she didn't want to have to tell Edward that she was the one he was supposed to love. She wanted him to fall in love with her all over again, blindly, without history… just girl next-door meets boy next-door… sparks, secret glances, flirting… everything.
She wanted to fall in love with him too. Because this Edward wasn't her Edward… at least, not yet. He was in there, somewhere; she just had to find him.
April 2008
Everything about Jacob Black was warm. Bella's color conscious mind had a habit of placing a person on her mental palette, as if to be prepared to drop everything and paint them immediately from memory. The first thing she thought when she met him was that nothing about him was cool; he was firmly camped all the way into the warm colors.
Burnt Sienna
Yellow Ochre
Terra Rosa
She tilted her head. Maybe a little copper.
"Do I pass inspection?" Jake said, unfolding his large frame. He held his arms out wide. "Feel free to go completely hands-on, I don't mind."
She giggled, blushing, embarrassed that she'd been caught looking. "I was just thinking that you'd be interesting to paint… I don't know. All your colors look nice together. Matchy-matchy."
"Aw, I bet you say that to all the guys," he scoffed with a toothy smile, his hand over his heart. "I'm Jake."
"Yeah, I know," she said, "Edward told me you'd be working here. I'm Bella. I live next door." She bit her lip to keep her smile under control. She remembered Edward talking about Jake back in Colorado. He'd taken the picture that she saw on Edward's iPhone that day.
"Jake! I'm not paying you to flirt," Edward barked from the bar. "Get over here and learn something or I'm kicking your ass to the curb."
Jake winked at Bella as he headed back to work.
It'd been an empty threat and Edward knew it. Jake was a natural at bartending, and he'd already learned how Pete liked things done the day he'd taken the job. He had an infectious personality, always smiling, joking with everyone he met. It didn't hurt that he was one of those tall, dark and handsome types either. The fact that swarms of girls he knew from college started frequenting the bar on the weekends definitely wasn't a coincidence. So, in short, he was good for business.
But that didn't mean he needed to pull his shit with Bella.
"No worries, man." Jake said as he slid behind the bar, black eyes shining, smooth-talker that he was. He held his hands up, wiggling his fingers. "I know what's what. I was just jerking your chain, bro."
"What do you mean, jerking my chain?" Edward forced himself to take a deep breath. He was a little unsettled, already having rearranged the stock underneath the counter three different ways in the last hour. Of course that had nothing to do with the fact that this was the first time he'd laid eyes on Bella in a week. She'd been to visit her mom in Arizona for a few days. And now obviously, she was back in town. Looking windblown and slightly bohemian. Beautiful.
"E, I totally get why you're all over that," Jake said with a wolfish grin, pulling the rum for a pina colada. "And you got nothing to worry about from me. I already have a girl."
"All over what… you mean Bella? Edward dropped his voice. "Nah, she's not mine."
"Dude."
"She's not," he insisted. "She's got… you know, some guy she's waiting for. We're just friends."
"Man, I know what I see," Jake shook his head, a gleam of laughter in his eyes. "And I can tell I'm gonna have to get some popcorn and Jujubes so I don't miss a thing."
Edward rolled his eyes and squeezed fresh lemons for Bella's glass of lemonade.
They'd made progress on the friend front, he and Bella. The day after their sunrise …encounter on the beach, she'd walked over with cookies. A delicious peace offering piled high on a plate that he would later discover to say: Artists do it with longer strokes.
Somebody was pregnant, Pete had explained sheepishly, on Days of Our Lives, and they were about to reveal the results of the paternity test. He expounded on the whole storyline feverishly, as he'd clutched a handful of Bella's cookies, all the while creeping backwards toward the TV and the comfortable couch around the corner.
"He's going to be so disappointed," Bella had laughed once he'd left the room. "They'll totally drag it out until Friday." Both of them had leaned against the edge of the bar, the plate of cookies and a gallon of milk between them.
"Oh god, you watch those too?" Edward had looked horrified, cookie frozen in mid air on the way to his mouth.
"Nope, I'm clean. I had to go through a whole month of detox though, to get them out of my system."
"Thank god. I'm planning an intervention for Pete as it is. I don't think I could take it if you were an addict too. You'd be such an enabler." His words had been swathed in chocolate chip cookie goodness. "Shit, these are homemade, aren't they? I'm putting you on retainer."
A tiny, delighted laugh had escaped her, eyes bright. "I'm not sure you could afford me, Edward."
It was extraordinary, how they could ignore the last couple of days; forget how he had pushed her up against the counter in her own kitchen, scalding her with his reckless words.
"Or should I fuck you?"
Amazing that they could ignore how her hands had curled into fists, how she'd demanded that he get out. Remorse for the way he'd acted had kept him sleepless that night, when he couldn't figure out why she was different; it had swirled around in his head for days. Anger was a bright, sharp thing, fast, fleeting, while shame was dull and smoky and lingered in corners. He'd said crude things before, like 'I want to fuck you,' or 'let's fuck' to a handful of girls in college. Most of them liked it, some didn't. He hadn't cared either way. But Edward had cared this time, as soon as the words left his mouth. Somehow things had changed.
Maybe he had changed and he hadn't even realized it.
Or maybe it was her.
Bella had gotten down to the reason she'd come over when the cookie plate was near empty. She'd straightened slightly, cleared her throat.
"Listen. I'm really glad we're doing the friend thing, you know? I probably gave off the wrong vibe or something before," she'd shrugged uncomfortably. "But I can respect that you're waiting for someone, I really can." And here she'd pinned him with her gaze, so deep, filled with some unnamed emotion. "Because I am too."
Edward had narrowed his eyes slightly at that revelation, a ridiculous echo of the 'anything you can do, I can do better', singsong playground chant flashing through his head.
Oh yeah? I don't care that you're waiting for the love of your life, because I'm waiting for mine too!
In spite of all that, and almost against his will, a wild hope had risen up in his chest. The dream that maybe, just maybe she was in the same boat he was. Maybe she had her own letter she couldn't talk about. Maybe she was missing time too, and had never admitted it to anyone, just like him.
His fingers had spasmed, gritty with cookie crumbs, pressing against his thighs. His mouth was barely able to form the words as they tumbled over each other, "Y-You're waiting for someone too?"
"Yes."
"Can I ask who? Do you… know?" Say you don't know.
"My boyfriend. He had some… things he needed to do and…" she'd trailed off. "When he's ready, then we can be together." Her eyes had sparkled at him, whether in anticipation of her boy returning, or from the memory of times when they were together, Edward couldn't say. Either way, it'd pissed him off. More than it should have, probably.
"When he's ready?" Edward had snorted, already turning away, wiping his hands on his jeans, the crumbs off the counter. "No offense, Bella, but it sounds as if your boy wanted to go live the single life while you pined away at home. Why would you even-"
"I know how it sounds," she'd pleaded, reaching for his arm. "But it's okay. Really. It's only for a little bit longer."
"But…" he'd paused, part of him still searching for a way to make being with her possible. "Okay, but you remember him?" They were facing each other, and he'd found that he was holding her wrists in some bizarre reenactment of one of those old timey handfasting ceremonies. Her pulse had been flying under his thumbs as he'd rubbed gently back and forth. He couldn't seem to stop trying to touch her.
"Of course I remember him," she'd said softly, the truth of her words squeezing the life out of his heart. She'd looked at him as if he already had all the answers; he'd just lost them for a time. "I love him. Even though I think there's a lot about him I don't know. A lot that I need to learn."
"Bella…" he'd murmured. Confusion, sadness swept over him. A little anger that she would let herself be played like that. But still, whoever would leave this beautiful creature all alone was absolutely insane. "Do you talk to him on the phone… email or anything? I still don't see-"
"I can't." Her eyes had been bright and she'd blinked hastily once or twice. "But I promised him I'd wait. It's important. And I have waited. I am… I will."
Edward had frowned. What kind of idiot left his girl and didn't call, visit, anything? And made her promise to wait for him while he was gone? "How long will you wait?" She had to see the futility.
"Forever," she'd whispered, her grief and hope swirled into one word. "Forever."
The ability to speak anything coherent had left him for the moment. He'd been feeling so trapped that he'd forgotten the sheer awe of his Letter, once it had started to prove itself. He'd been promised not just love, but the love of his life, by a force that had never been wrong, had never not delivered on what it claimed. To compare that guarantee to Bella's hopeless yearning for someone who had likely abandoned her… well, the difference was immense. At the same time, her faith in the unknown was humbling, even if it was misdirected. He was shamed yet again, for entirely different reasons.
The haunting strains that signaled the end of Days of Our Lives had floated through the room. He'd wondered briefly if Pete had satisfied his curiosity about the paternity test.
"Edward," Bella had pulled in a jerky breath. "I'm glad… I mean, thank you for your friendship. It means a lot."
And then there had been nothing to do except pull her to him in a loose embrace, and tuck her head under his chin. He'd wanted to shield her somehow; sensing that underneath her confident appearance was something delicate and innocent. Love and trust in its purest form. "Well, I'm here," he'd said. His eyes had closed, his body aching to press against hers even though he'd known it could never happen now. Not the way he'd wanted. "I'm here. Friend… whatever you need."
"Hey man, what gives? You look pretty beat." Jake's warm brown face swam into view. "Maybe you should go lie down or something."
"Nah, I'm fine." Edward shivered, coming out of the memory as his eyes moved over the barroom. It was late afternoon; hardly anyone was in. Bella sat at the table near the back that she'd somehow claimed, fussing with her little sketchbook and pencil. She wore a fitted white t-shirt and some of those pants that came down just below her knees. Her flip-flops lay in a forgotten heap on the floor because she'd curled her long legs into a delicious pretzel under her body. He had the sudden urge to walk over there and untangle her just so her could touch her skin.
"Here. Take this to Bella," he said to Jake, pushing the fresh lemonade across the counter, his gaze still following the puzzle of her legs. Lime green nail polish today.
Her pencil flew over the paper; she was drawing an apple that she'd brought. The lighting was good on this side of the bar, she'd said a few days ago, for doing studies with contours and shadow, highlights, and a lot of other artistic terms that sounded vaguely familiar to Edward, but not enough to know what in the hell they meant.
"Okay, good." Jake blew out a huge breath when he came back. He had a quirky habit of picking up random conversations from hours ago. "Cause I think it'll be a full house tonight."
They worked together putting glassware away when finally Edward said, "I don't know… it's spring break and everything, but the kids don't come over this way; they stay in the city, usually. We might get some college kids but…"
"Yeah, um, well… I kind of told some of the guys in my frat to swing by… and my girl's bringing some friends…"
Edward's eyes widened.
"Dude, Edward, don't worry! They're good people, I promise."
"Hell, Jake, everybody better be legal, especially since they're driving-"
"Nah, we're cool, everyone's good to go, except Quil. He's still a baby. We always make him the DD."
"Fine." Edward finally grinned, shaking his head. "At least you'll get good tips. You'll probably wake this place up. We don't usually see a lot of rowdy action. More of the sunset crowd around here, if you know what I mean. Though it really depends on who's renting."
"Yeah, that's why this town is cool, man." Jake nodded seriously. "The party scene can really get old."
April weather can be warm during the day, but still chilly at night, especially with the breeze blowing in off the water. Bella scooted home to change into jeans but decided to keep her shirt the same. She loved the way the collar framed the necklace Edward had given her. She fluffed her hair in the mirror absentmindedly, her eyes focused on the little silver seashell hanging delicately in the hollow of her throat. She'd never taken it off her neck. Not since Edward had fastened the clasp himself back in Colorado. She'd been asleep in a cave, on a red-checked picnic blanket, without a stitch on, when he'd given it to her.
"The sleeping beauty awakens," he said, trailing his fingers down her stomach, swirling around her belly button. She smiled and stretched, letting her eyes fall closed again as he kissed the side of her breast. When her knee brushed up against his boxer shorts her eyebrows drew together.
"You're dressed and I'm not," she groused, cracking an eye open.
"You're wearing something," he said. She could feel his lips curve into a smile against her neck.
She made a negative sound low in her throat and rolled to face him, pressing her body against his, shivering when his hand automatically slid around to her back… and lower.
"Cold?" he breathed.
"No."
He stroked her leisurely with his long fingers, up to her shoulder blades, down again to where her bottom met the backs of her thighs. Up, down, up, down, until she thought that he meant to lull her back to sleep. There was no way that was happening though; because very soon her heart was pounding crazily from his innocent touch, her breath coming in short, hot puffs against his chest. He must be teasing her, because still he went slow, up and down, so slow. She was almost dizzy with his nearness, the smell of him, he was hard and warm and his fingers… oh god, his fingers.
When he pressed on the back of her thigh, she hitched her knee up on his hip, opening herself to his touch. The air of the cave was cool and erotic against the wetness between her legs, and she arched into him, swallowing convulsively before she could beg him to touch her there, oh god, please there, already she felt that she was about to fly away.
He wasn't as unaffected as she'd thought though… his whole body was tensed, waiting, his heart racing under her cheek, and his own breathing was at least as fast as hers was. His hand trembled as he drew one long finger down, down, until he circled her, twisting in just enough to make her moan.
"Are you sore?" His voice was hoarse, uneven. She felt him press a glancing kiss to her temple, his choppy breaths moving her hair each time he exhaled.
She tried to press down on his hand, giving a low feminine sound of frustration as he continued to tease her. "No, no… not sore. Please." She knew what he was asking and the answer was yes, yes, yes. "I want to, Edward."
His hand skimmed back up to the curve of her waist, squeezing gently before it came to rest tangled in the wild of her hair, cradling the back of her head.
"Bella," he murmured, running his cheek alongside hers, sighing into her mouth as he kissed her. He kissed her until they were breathing for each other, until she was so lost in him she didn't even realize he had reached back to his clothes behind and gotten a condom from his jeans. He pressed the little square packet into her hand.
"Hold this for a minute," he said, rolling onto his back and tugging his boxers off. He pulled her on top of him then sat up, leaning forward for a moment to suck her earlobe. "I want to try it this way."
"Okay." She was fascinated by the throaty sound of her own voice, low and sexy, confident. Laying her hand over his thudding heart she pushed gently so that he would fall back on his elbows. The foiled packet made a faint scratching sound as she scraped it down the front of his chest, and she left it lying, entrusted to the dip in his flat stomach, just above the path of coarse hair that led to his cock. She might have brushed that hot, hard part of him accidentally with her fingers as she drew back.
"Excuse me," she purred. The corners of his mouth twitched, the light in his eyes telling her that he knew exactly what she was doing.
Leaning back, she placed her hands on his knees, enjoying the way his eyes swept over the hard points of her breasts, the way he stared at her sex as she held her legs wide, exposing herself, straddling his thighs. That damp ache in her center pulsed in time with the beat of her heart; to know she was there in front of him in a decadent display. She watched his throat moved up and down as he swallowed. His eyes were narrowed, not missing a single detail. She arched her back for him.
Power surged through her, the knowledge of what turned him on delivering a boost of courage. Bella might not know much about blowjobs, or how to kiss like a pro and be coy and flirtatious but she knew one thing. Edward liked to watch. She wondered what he'd do if she…
"Aren't you going to put it on?" he smirked at her, the corners of his smile fading fast as he watched her hand dance up her own stomach, brush against soft curves before rubbing the puckered pink of her nipple. Her small gasp of surprise, coupled with the involuntary roll of her hips wrenched him out of his daze and he sat up swiftly with a groan, throwing her hand off of herself, replacing it with the wet heat of his mouth.
Things moved quickly after that. He crushed her to him, the sharp edges of the foil caught between their stomachs. She would never forget the sweet smell of his hair in her nose as he licked and tugged at her nipples with his teeth… the echoes of their sharp gasps and moans as the sounds bounced around the walls of the little cave… the delicious, spiraling bliss of his fingers pumping in and out of her body bringing her to the edge of somewhere she desperately wanted to go… just a little bit more, god, oh god, yes Edward, please, almost, almost…
Dimly, with a kind of horrified fascination, she realized that she was actually riding his fingers, her body somehow knowing how to move to achieve the maximum amount of pleasure. She flushed even more than she already was… who knew she would turn out to be such a shameless, wanton sex fiend?
His hand withdrew suddenly, pulling a needy sound of protest from what felt like every inch of her trembling body. He fumbled with the condom, giving a harsh snort of disbelief when he discovered that his hand was too slick to simply grasp it and tear it open. Their eyes met and he laughed when she smiled, recognizing, cherishing the frenzied pleasure they were giving each other… the anticipation of the pleasure they both were about to receive. Edward ended up ripping the condom open with his teeth and spitting the wrapper out, making fast work of rolling it on, getting unbelievably harder as she watched with widened eyes. She might never get used to the strange, imposing sight of a hard penis.
He kissed her on the mouth quickly and lay back down. "Lean forward, brace your arms on the wall." And then he was helping to lift her up so she could slide back down on him. She waited though, hovering, with the tip of him barely inside, a part of her anxious about pain, another part loving to tease him.
His eyes flew up to hers. "Fuck, Bella, you're killing me here. You can go slow, go slow sweetheart, but please move, come on, down just a little bit. Ah, fuck…yes."
There was a twinge of discomfort, seeing as this was only the second time she'd had something this big inside her, stretching, spreading. She exhaled on the upswing, meeting his worried gaze.
"Okay?" he breathed out. His hands brushed across her breasts. "You alright?"
She nodded and closed her eyes, head spinning, because it really was okay, if she angled just right it felt… oh god yes, it felt completely amazing! The concentration must have shown on her face because next he was grazing her cheek with his fingers. She opened her eyes to see him concerned, beneath her.
"Talk to me, Bella," he whispered, "you want to try a different way?" She pushed an exquisite moan out of his mouth when she slid down a little harder this time, circling her hips to find that explosive spot she'd hit a moment before. She shook her head at him, open mouthed and panting, the building sensations short-circuiting her mind.
"Oh, I see," he said slowly, a wicked grin spreading over his face, "I've rendered you speechless." He bit back a groan, watching her curve over him, his eyelids heavy.
"Just conserving my energy, since I'm doing all the work," she smiled back, shuddering as she slid back down. His hands slipped back and forth on her hips, skimming up over her stomach, his fingers plucking the tips of her breasts.
"You're so beautiful." A reverent whisper. "Oh god, Bella… you feel amazing… amazing."
For the first time Bella noticed a silver necklace swaying, bumping up against her chest every time she rocked faster, back and forth. She could barely see it because it was short, but she could feel its weight.
"For you," Edward murmured, seeing, sweeping over the necklace before cupping her cheek. "I love you."
"What is it?" she breathed, her tongue sweeping over her lip. "Thank you… I know… it's beautiful." It was getting hard to speak actual words. She was almost there, her movement getting choppy. She made up for the lack of swivel finesse by slamming down on him, whimpering, gasping. "Oh, oh, oh god…"
"Silver… seashell…" he rasped out, in between her downward thrusts. "Just… ah fuck, Bella." Tendons popped on his neck as he fought for control, blindly reaching down with his fingers to rub her just above where they were joined.
And that was all it took. She exploded a few seconds later.
Bella opened her eyes to see a reflection of herself dazed and panting in the mirror. She'd gone over that memory so many times, sometimes with tears, sometimes as an accessory to her own hand, touching her body the way he'd shown her. She'd become well-versed in the pleasure an orgasm could bring, but she hadn't felt the restless, jittery thrill of the butterflies strumming her desire until she'd seen Edward again in Mrs. Cope's store a month ago.
In the low light of her bedroom, the seashell gleamed and sparkled. A few years ago in Art History class, they'd studied symbolism in paintings and other famous pieces of art. The shell represented a love protected, she'd been surprised to discover. She didn't think Edward had known that, or had that in mind when he bought it for her the first time around, but she couldn't deny how eerily appropriate it was now, in hindsight.
In the cave that day, after making love, he'd reluctantly told her the short history of her necklace. Really, it'd lived in his pocket longer than it'd been around her neck before she'd drowned in the ocean, but he'd been most afraid to tell her that she'd been wearing it when she died. He hadn't wanted to spook her.
"Actually," he'd said, "the clasp had been broken… probably when, I mean, in the struggle to breathe, you—they said…" His whole body had shuddered and he'd apologized, saying he shouldn't say morbid things like that, especially to her. But he'd continued after a minute, telling her that the paramedics had found the necklace clinging to the collar of her wetsuit. Just luck that it'd snagged there, they'd told Edward. It could have been lost to the ocean. And then suddenly he was the new owner of a necklace he'd only just given away.
"It's getting a little easier to talk about," he'd said softly. He'd held her in his lap, as if to shield her from the looming melancholy that had seemed to seep in after the rain. They'd have to go back to the room and pack soon. "Sometimes it already feels like a dream… or like it happened to someone else. I mean, here you are, right? That… horrible time of letting you go kind of loses its bite when you're right here with me." He'd sighed. "But then other times it feels so real... and harsh… like a sharp pain…" Edward had ended up apologizing again, demanding that they talk about happier things. But the cave had turned chilly and grown dark with the setting sun. And then it'd been all downhill from there because they were both boarding airplanes the next day. But they were getting on different planes, going separate directions. There'd be no, hey baby, call me when you land. No, bye honey, I'll see you soon. Not for five years. And there had been nothing happy about that.
There'd been times when Bella wished she hadn't known that the necklace had been there with her as she drowned out there, alone. But now she felt differently. Silly and superstitious, she'd be the first to admit it… but in her mind the seashell had somehow become their love, something she could touch to know it was real… that they were real. It'd gotten her through the past four years. She'd protect it just like it protected her. She would never let it break.
Happy hoots and hollers drifted over from next door. It sounded like the bar had a crowd tonight. Bella looked in the mirror one last time, putting her memories to the side. She smiled at her reflection; her cheeks were flushed but her eyes sparkled. Her wandering boy was really here. And she was going to spend her Saturday night in his presence.
DiamondHeart78 made a lovely glowy new banner for Firefly. I'll put it up on my author page. She's so good to me. TY, bb :)
I don't expect reviews, truly- but I love hearing what you think. Thank you so much for sticking with me this far. It might be hard to believe, (or maybe not! lol) but we're near-ish the end.
Teasers at A Different Forest on Mondays!
I should be good to go for next Friday :) See you then!