Ain't No Mountain High Enough
By
Natalie Elizabeth
Previously on Ain't No Mountain Hugh Enough. Beckett tried yet again to confront Castle about her true feelings but eh wont listen. Beckett having no idea where to go reluctantly gets some advice form Castles Ex, Gina
Richard Castle sat on his bed with a scowl on his face. Crossing his arms over his blue t shirt clad chest, he winced slightly. He was still a little tender and that aggravated the hell out of him. Well ok so maybe he had used a bit of force when crossed his arms, but could you blame him. He had only been discharged a few days ago from the hospital and Gina had already organised a party. This time in his home! His birthday was tomorrow and he was spending the night before hiding out in his room. Some birthday this was going to be. Why had his mother and daughter allowed Gina to organise a birthday party for him. He disliked hanging with all those associates and other writers, well except for his crew, at all those stupid events. Why would he want to celebrate his birthday with them? As the music outside his room changed, Castle wiggled back on his bed and changed positions so his back was resting against the head board. Two hours ago Gina had turned up and his rat fink of a daughter and mother had left, never to be seen again if he had anything to do with it. How could they leave him with the dragon lady? Straight away she started ordering him around, started moving things around in his place too. She told him to go to his room have a shower and get dressed, that was an hour and a half ago. He had showered and done his hair, he always felt better once his hair was done, and then put on his Superman shirt and matching boxers. Gina wanted him dressed, he was dressed.
The music had filtered in through his room about 10 minutes ago, as did the sound of people arriving, but he stayed put. Like he cared if he angered these people, they weren't his friends, weren't people he cared about. Rick Castle pouted, it was his party and he would cry if he wanted to! He titled his head back and lightly tapped it on the head board a few times. He didn't want to be here, he closed his eyes and prayed that a knight in shining armour would come and save him. Well maybe not a Knight, maybe a woman with a shinny badge would be better. Opening his eyes he ran a hand through his hair mindful of the stiches that still graced his head.
Don't do it,
He told himself,
Don't look to the left,
But the pull was to strong. He glanced at the vacant bed beside him.
Beckett!
He hadn't called her. He wanted to. How many times had he picked up his phone to call her and then dropped it. Well ok so one time he actually had thrown it across the room. She told him she loved him, but it was a false love. If he hadn't been on his death bed she would never have said that to him. After they had slept together Ryan and Esposito had come to the loft and told him Beckett was worried about losing his friendship. That had to be the only reason why she was maintaining her love for him, because she thought if she didn't, she would lose him. He didn't want love like that, he wanted it unencumbered. A small part of him deep down wanted to believe that she actually did love him; it was the part that kept urging to call her. Yet he couldn't, he deserved better than that. He had settled for second best one too many times in his life before and it turned out to be disastrous. Nope he couldn't do it, not this time. It wouldn't work and then he would lose Beckett. He couldn't lose Beckett it would be too much to handle, yet had he already lost her.
He hadn't called her out of fear, fear that he would crumble and just accept her false love. Weakness, she was his weakness. If he could just believe that she really did love him, if he could see the truth of her admission. His heart screamed out for it, to be brave, to be strong. To give the woman he loved so deeply a call and talk to her, to see her. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was right. He didn't know and it frustrated the hell out of him. Love made you do the wacky, it made you wacky, but right now he just wanted to wack something. He reluctantly drew his eyes away from Beckett's side of the bed and to the phone that was on his bedside table. Could he call her, had he left it too late? He reached for his phone when he heard a knock at the door.
"Rick, are you ready?"
Castle watched as his ex wife opened the door and peered in.
"Your still not, dressed. Everyone is here and waiting for you."
Castle looked down at himself and then clicked his fingers.
"Damn those tailors, they swindled me again. Here I was thinking I am wearing a Superman shirt and boxers but apparently I am naked."
The woman rolled her eyes at him but instead of being worried about the wrath Gina was about to unleash on him, all he could think about, was how much he missed Beckett's eye roll.
"Grow up Rick. Get your butt up from that bed and go and put on a suit."
Castle did stand up but he didn't move from his position next to the bed.
"I told you, I am not in the mood for a party." He hadn't been sleeping well lately. For some reason he could smell Beckett's scent on the pillows and the sheets as if she had slept in them recently. He had spent nights cuddling her pillow and plastering his body to her side of the bed trying to get close to her. His mind had to be playing tricks on him as the pyjamas she had worn; the ones he had taken to wearing, also seemed to have regained her scent to. Wearing her pyjamas and cuddling her pillow hadn't been conclusive to a good night's sleep. He spent his nights thinking about her.
"And I told you we need to do this so the public know you are ok after your accident. Do you realise there is a rumour going around that you are sitting on a bench in Central Park yelling at people climbing on a dog statue."
Castle looked everywhere around the room but at her. When he couldn't sleep and It was daylight he had started going for walks hoping the fresh air would clear his mind. Central park was a nice place to walk so he had been going there frequently. His feet always seemed to lead him to the Balto statue.
"Oh my God it's true. Rick what is wrong with you?"
"That statue is a sign of strength and courage; it doesn't deserve to be treated in that manner."
Gina threw her arms up in the air. "It's a statue."
"Gina darling, it's getting late we do really need to go."
Castle frowned at the interruption as a man poked his head through the open door. Hold on a second, had someone called Gina, DARLING!
"Oh I am sorry."
The man had obviously seen the state of his undress.
"No Tom its fine, come in."
Tom! Castle watched as the man entered his room and realised the guy was familiar. He was sure he worked at Black Pawn with Gina.
"Rick this is Tom, you've met before."
Castle stretched out his hand and shook Tom's.
"I am sorry to interrupt Gina but my family will be waiting if we don't leave now, you know what traffic is like."
Castle raised his brows, one Gina was leaving, two she was going to meet Tom's family. A smile broke out on Gina's face unlike anything he had ever seen before from her.
"I was going to wait until after your birthday to tell you this but I am engaged."
Castles mouth hung open as Gina thrust her hand in his face showing off her engagement ring. Castle looked from Gina's hand, to her smiling face, to the smiling face of her fiancé standing next to her.
"Congratulations," he somehow managed to get out.
Tom wrapped his arm around Gina's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "It's all thanks to you, I owe you one."
Castle frowned; hold on a second, how did this involve him.
The man before him laughed. "Gina said not to mention it because you were so modest but I just have to thank you. If it hadn't been for your idea to make me jealous and think the two of you had gotten back together, I would never have come to the realisation that I love this woman deeply. I'll admit to being a chicken and running when Gina suggested moving in together, it's just I've moved in with woman in the past and it ended badly. I guess seeing Gina with you at all these events made me realising losing Gina would be so much worse. I decided moving in together wasn't enough, I really do love her and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. So thank you."
Castle was a little bit shocked and a lot confused but he was just going to go with it. The man seemed happy and Gina was very happy so he decided just to smile and play dumb.
"No problems, you getting a real good woman here."
Tom laughed. "Thank you and I see you have a real good woman out there. Ouff"
Castle frowned for the millionth time as Gina elbowed Tom in the stomach. What was going on? What did Tom mean by, he had a good woman out there, who was out there?
"Gina?" He wanted an explanation.
The blonde woman sighed. "It was supposed to be a surprise but the people out there. The ones waiting for you to show for your own party, they are actually people you like. People you want to spend time with. Now will you hurry up and got get dressed and go out there."
People he liked. Really! Gina had organised a party with people he likes, well that could be anyone. It didn't necessarily mean he wanted to party with them, especially not on his birthday eve. However curiosity killed the cat and he was interested in seeing who was out there.
"Ok, ok." He leant forward and gave Gina a kiss on the cheek. "Congratulations." He then shook Tom's hand again. "You to."
He then left the couple to exit his room as he quickly walked into his walk in robe. What to wear, what to wear. He wasn't quite sure what kind of party to expect out there but he figured a suit was probably appropriate. He pushed some of his suits aside to reveal a dark blue one, it was one of his favourites. Turning he crossed to his shirts and picked out a, slightly lighter blue than the suit, shirt that had this shimmery effect. Ok so he was a bit metro sexual, it was his party and he wanted to sparkle. He pulled the shirt over his head before reaching for his pants and slid them on. The blue really set off the blue in his eyes and after taking a look at himself in the mirror that was inside his robe, he really needed all the help he could get. His face was a little paler than he would have liked and as he did up his pants he realised they were a little loose. Along with lack of sleep he hadn't really been feeling like eating much either. Now that sounded really familiar. Had Beckett's issues been she was missing him. Castle laughed and dismissed the idea straight away. Yeah right, lack of sleep was making him delusional. Grabbing a belt he put it on and noticed he needed to go back an extra belt loop, well he had been eating hospital food. He finished the ensemble by grabbing his jacket and sliding it on. Turing side to side he glanced at himself in the mirror. Not bad for a two minute makeover. He glanced over at his collection of ties. Mmm, Gina had organised this event maybe a bit of formality was in order. Choosing a red one to go with his Superman theme he was currently sporting under his clothes Castle began loping the tie around his neck.
Up, over, under and through. Castle frowned no wait wasn't that the rhyme you sung to tie your shoe. Shoes, he needed shoes. He slipped in feet into a pair of slip on ones theorising if this party sucked he would be knocking back a fair bit of alcohol and laces were the last thing you wanted to deal with when your drunk. Castle yet again tried to tackle his tie only to realise he had been going through the motions of tying a knot. He gave the tie a yank but only proceeded to choke himself. Castle gagged. He realised he had tied one of the knots he had learned to do while researching for a Derrick Storm novel. Tugging at it a few more times he wished he had learned how to undo it. Derrick had been tying someone up, not getting out. Dam. Hearing another knock at his door Castle sighed, maybe whoever was there could help him.
"Come in" He yelled from still inside the robe. His fingers attacked the silk around his neck as he walked out into his room. His neck was really starting to get sore from having it bent down to look at the knot "Can you help me get out of this."
"Sure"
Castle head shot up so quickly he was surprised it didn't snap off. He watched as an apparition walked towards him. The flick of her wrist sending something glittery towards his bed was barely noticed as he took her in. No this couldn't be an apparition; they normally wore white didn't they. This one was wearing fire engine red. Weeee OOOOOO Weeeee OOOO. His eyes shifted over her starting from the ground up. Legs that he so vividly remembered being wrapped around his waist, were playing pick-a-boo as the red fabric swirled around them with every step she took. The long fabric flowed up to her small waist before splitting into what he thought had to be two triangle shaped red handkerchiefs that modestly covered her breasts. As she stepped closer to him he couldn't help but gaze at her throat, her lips and finally her eyes. He was shocked to happiness shining through them, this had to be a dream. Hands batting away his own proved that it wasn't, she was here, she was real and shw was touching him.
"There we go."
Within seconds she had untangled his tie yet he still felt tightness in his throat.
"You won't be needing this."
He turned and followed her with his eyes as she disappeared into his robe to get rid of his tie. It seemed that the two handkerchiefs didn't have any brothers so sisters as he back was bare. Thankfully her long curly hair had only been pinned back slightly so it still covered alot of her back. It didn't stop him from wishing he really was Superman so he could send a burst of cold air towards his crotch. As she walked out of his robe like she owned the place Castle finally mustered up the brain power to talk.
"Beckett, what are you doing here?"
She gave him a smile and shrugged. "It's my partners birthday, where else would I be?"
Castle hung his head down in shame. He had once told her, what seemed like eons ago, that being partners meant being there for each other, no matter what. Obviously that didn't count when he was to busy sulking. Castle closed his eyes and shook his head.
"I haven't been much of a partner lately."
When he felt a hand touch his chest he opened his eyes and looked up at Beckett who was now standing a mere inch away from him.
"It's ok, you needed space, I gave you space."
Castle shrugged. "I still should have called or something. I am really sorry Beckett, I just needed time to think. To figure things out, but I am just as confused now. I am sorry I haven't been there for you when I said I always will."
Beckett silenced him by placing her finger on his lips. She shook her head at him.
"No sorry's, ok."
"Bufftt" His lips tried to protest under her finger.
She shook her head at him. "No Castle not now. Later we will talk but not right now ok."
He nodded at her before moving his hand up to hers, removing it from his mouth. Having her finger there was just too tempting.
"I'll be back at the precinct on Monday ok."
Beckett nodded. "Ok, you have been missed by everyone."
Castle took a chance with what he was about to ask next.
"What about you, have you missed me?"
He was surprised when a smile broke out on her face. "Yes." He then watched fascinated as her face slowly turned from happy to nervous. "And I don't just mean at the precinct."
Castle took in a deep breath. What did she man by that? In general, in her life in her bed. He wondered if he looked as nervous as the woman standing before him. Surely she could feel his heavy breathing hitting her in the face. One of them seemed to gain control and it wasn't him.
"Did you miss me?"
Although she came across as confidant there was so much fear in her voice. Castle's bottom lip began to tremble.
"Only when I breathe."
He didn't have time to wonder about the repercussions of the admission as Beckett's arms were around his next. For a split second he thought she was strangling him, her arms were around his neck and shoulders and squeezing tight. The fact that her head was tucked into the nook of his neck and shoulder, made him realise she was in fact hugging him. He couldn't help himself, he wrapped his arms aound her small waist and held her tight.
"Oh god Beckett I am so sorry. I didn't mean to stay away for so long. I know it was only a week but it felt like forever. Do you know how many times I picked up the phone to call you but felt like I couldn't? I thought I had left it to long, that you wouldn't want to speak to me."
"Shhhh Castle. Please don't apologize. We will talk later. I promise we will, but not now ok. It's your birthday, I want you to be happy but we will talk this time. I promise."
"Dad, Kate."
Castle expected Beckett to fly out of his arms but she didn't. Was it his imagination or did she just slowly move her head of his shoulder before looking at his daughter. No surely it was his mind playing tricks on him slowing down the world around him. She must have withdrawn quickly, what other explanation could there be. There was however the fact that even though she had pulled her head back, her arms were wrapped around his shoulders. Based on this he kept his hands around her waist, it was his birthday, let her kill him tomorrow.
"Kate" Alexis seemed as surprised at seeing Beckett in his arms as Castle was. "I guess we won't be going ahead with the plan then."
Beckett shook her head. "No we are still going ahead; this is just a birthday hug."
Castle then received the best birthday present ever. Beckett leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. She kissed him! In front of his daughter! And then said daughter smiled.
"Well ok. The guests are getting a little anxious. Will you be out soon? "
Beckett nodded. "Can you give us five minutes I still haven't given him his first present. Get the cake ready, and I'll be as quick as I can."
Castle stood there shocked, wait. What? The kiss wasn't his birthday present. Castle hoped there was a return policy on whatever gift she had purchased for him because he didn't want it. Then it dawned on him and Castle frowned as his daughter retreated.
"Hold on a second. So not only is Gina not at my birthday party but you, my daughter and potentially other people I like, are here. On top of that there is cake and I get presents, despite the fact that a kiss from you was a sufficient present."
Beckett smiled and rolled her eyes at him. "So you're saying you don't want your gift?"
Castle shrugged. "Well if you already got it for me, it would be rude to reject it. Just saying a kiss was sufficient."
Beckett smiled and let her hands trail down his chest before leaving his body to grab hold of one of his hands. She led him to the bed and sat down pulling him with her. Leaning back she snapped up the glittery object she had thrown there earlier and he realised it was a clutch.
"Well seeing how it is your birthday and you have been having a rough time recently, how about a kiss after each gift I give you."
Castle was shocked. "You mean you have more than one gift for me" this was slowly turning into the best birthday ever and he still had his clothes on.
Beckett laughed. He had totally skipped over the part about her giving him more kisses. Opening the clutch she looked at what it held inside and then dread suddenly filled her. This wasn't the most happiest of presents but she wanted him to have it, or at least know of their existence.
"You can keep these if you want them. I have copies, it's just not the most typical birthday present. so ill understand if you don't want to keep them. "
Castle looked down at the small bag, what kind of gift could she have put in there. A gift voucher for more kisses? "I am sure I'll love anything you give me."
He watched as the usually strong woman looked scared again for the second time in just a few short minutes. What was he doing to make her feel this way? Beckett pulled out a few rectangle pieces of card and handed one to him. He took it and realised it was a photo. Scanning over it he saw a young woman who looked quite pale and sick. Why was she giving him this, did she want him to help this girl somehow?. He then looked into the sad eyes of the young woman.
"Oh God Kate this is you."
She nodded but didn't speak.
"What happened to you?"
Beckett gulped. "It was taken a few months after my mother died."
Castle closed his eyes and shook his head. He was an idiot; of course it was from when her mother died. He should have guessed by how young Kate looked.
"Why are you giving me this Kate? You have to know how much I hate seeing you in pain. I know it sounds ridiculous but even seeing a picture of you in pain makes me want to take it all away. And I can't because it is in your past and there is nothing I can do to fix that."
Beckett shook her head. "But you have Castle, you have helped take away the pain, you did help." Beckett handed over another photo and he used it to cover the one in his hand. It was too hard to look at. This photo was of a healthier happier looking Beckett, her eyes still held pain but it seemed dimmed somehow. There was a smile on her face and she clenched something tight to her chest.
"It was taken within a year of the first photo."
Castle smiled at this picture. A year and there was still pain but there was happiness too. "I am glad you found something to make you smile again."
"Me too. The photo was actually taken at an event for the person who brought me back to life."
Castles brows rose. "Really"
Beckett nodded. "Turn the photo over. I wrote where I was and what I was thinking at the time."
Castle turned over the photo and then froze.
"Will you read it out loud" Beckett asked him.
Castle swallowed before licking his lips and taking a deep breath. "Me at my first Richard Castle book signing."
He knew she had been to a few signings but he assumed she had just gotten older copies signed. He had no idea she had been a fan for this long. Not only that, but she was crediting him for the smile that was on her face.
"Keep reading" she urged him.
Castle turned back to the photo. "He signed my book and talked to me and everything. He is so funny and smart and very HOT HOT HOT."
Castle threw back his head and let out s bellow of laughter.
"You thought I was hot."
Beckett shrugged, "I was young."
Castle nodded. "I didn't realise you were reading my books way back then."
Beckett took his hand and squeezed it. "I didn't until after my mother died. You know how hard I took her death, I was practically catatonic for months. I would just sit there staring into to nowhere. I was just so cold and empty inside. I slipped into this cold dark scary place; it's still scares me to think about it. I wanted to escape it but that meant going back to my life where my mother was gone and in a way so was my father. So I looked for another world to escape to. TV was my friend back then. Hours and hours I spent in front of the TV immersing myself in the lives of the characters. Wishing I was one of the characters, living their life instead of my own. However there is only so much TV you can watch before you get the bad infomercials. So I then turned to books. My family and friends were trying to help and I guess realised I was feeling a little better when I was reading. sSo they brought over boxes of books for me. One day I picked up one of your books. I threw it back immediately."
Castle snorted. "Why?"
Beckett shook her head. "Well instead of a blurb on the back there was a picture of this cocky author, I had never heard of. I figured if it was more important to flaunt the author than the story, then it wasn't worth reading. Yet like you always do, you wore me down and eventually I read your book. I read it all in one hit Castle, I didn't put it down until I was finished. I then got up and took a shower; I got dressed and then went and sat by the front door waiting for the sun to rise. While I sat there I started reading it all over again. Once there was enough light outside I went to the nearest bookstore and bought as many Richard Caste books I could find."
Castle sat there stunned. He knew she was a fan. If it hadn't been for the telltale giveaways she had revealed the first time they met, then he would have picked up on it as she dropped references to his books occasionally. This was different though; she was a fan because they helped her heal. He had helped her heal. Nikki Heat was a character he had created based on Kate Beckett yet it was almost as if the Kate Beckett that was sitting before him, was created by him in a small way. or at least shaped by his words. His books had helped her move on, to live again and that blew him away.
"Thank you for telling me." He looked at the photo in his hand again. "I can keep these, right?"
Beckett nodded. "You don't have to if you don't want; I just wanted you to know of their existence. I don't want there to be any more lies or misconceptions between us."
Castle smiled before standing up and walking around to the other side of the bed and putting the photos in his bedside table for safe keeping.
"So," he said turning back to her. "You said I could have a kiss after my present." He knew it was cheeky asking for another kiss. Beckett did say he could have a kiss after each present, he wondered how many presents she had. He could give her his credit card so she could go buy him a gazillion presents so he could have that many kisses, though he doubted that would be enough. He watched as Beckett rose from the bed and made her way around to him. She was smiling at him and he still wasn't sure if this day was real. He offered his cheek to her but he didn't feel her lips touch it, he felt her hand. She turned his head and he watched as hers slowly moved towards his. When her lips touched his he felt like he had been awoken from a deep sleep. It wasn't as if they hadn't been kissed before but this was different. It wasn't out of comfort, it wasn't out of fear, it was surprising and beautiful. She said it was a birthday kiss but he had seen how she had given Ryan a kiss for his birthday, and this was nothing like that. All too soon her lips were pulling away from.
"Come on, Castle, there is a party waiting for you."
Castle took a deep breath. There was a party alright and it was in his pants and only Beckett was invited. He shook his head, Beckett had given him one of the most heart warming kisses and he was acting like an ass. It wasn't his fault he didn't know what was going on. One minute he was wishing Beckett would come and rescue him and now here she was. He had stayed away from her as he was afraid he would get his heart broken. Yet upon seeing her he felt his heart lift. Castle had no idea what was going on, except Beckett was here and she was smiling at him. Nothing else seemed to matter. She held out her hand to him and he took it tucking it under his arm. She led him from the room and he had no idea what to except from the rest of the evening. It didn't matter though as he would follow her anywhere no matter what.
AUTHORS NOTE: Sorry for this chapter taking so long to get up. In the past I have tried to get chapters up weekly. In doing that it has caused me to produce inferior work and treat is just not acceptable. I owe it to you, my loyal fans top produce something that is worth reading. We live in a go go go society where it seems there never is enough time. I want you to know how much I appreciate you using whatever free time you have to read my story and in the future I will endeavour to make it worth your while. I hope this chapter lives up to your standards, I appreciate all those who have given me constructive criticism even though at times it hurts like hell.
Love to hear your thoughts and any final ideas before I wrap up this story.