AN: This is my tag to this week's 7x07, "An Unlocked Mind." I loved that last Densi scene, but my brain must have felt like it wasn't quite finished, since this has been writing itself in my mind ever since Monday. Love to hear what you think in the reviews... hinthint.
There's a pot of pasta bubbling on the stove and he's in the middle of chopping vegetables for dinner when it all crashes in on him and he spins to drag her off her perch on the counter and press her against the fridge, burying his face in her neck and clutching her as close as humanly possible.
He knows that she had been waiting for something more profound from him earlier in the boatshed, but it had all be too fresh, to raw to talk about yet. He hadn't been ready to admit just how scared he had been for her, how much it had shaken him to find her collapsed on the floor in unfamiliar lingerie, unable to move and barely able to speak.
The whole experience had shaken her deeply, too. He can tell from her silence and the set of her shoulders, the way she clings to him now, drawing him into her with an urgency that matches his own.
"I learned that I couldn't handle it if anything happened to you," he murmurs into her neck. "I can't lose you."
It's been almost a year since she took his hand on that skating rink. He's had a taste now of life with her, really with her, but that's all it feels like—just a taste—not nearly enough. He wants the full course, the sweet and the bitter and the vibrant and the bland that will make up the next fifty years of life with her. They've had close calls before, pulled each other out of bad situations, but nothing has come close to this feeling in the almost-year since she grabbed his hand on that skating rink and they went all in.
He draws his head up and tucks hers under his chin, whispering rough I love yous into her hair through the catch in his throat, curving his body around hers as if physically surrounding her with himself will allow him to keep her safe. If only he could keep her there all the time.
A year ago, he wouldn't have believed that it could get harder to see her in jeopardy, that he could love her more, need her more, or want to protect her more than he did then. Somehow, he does. He is finding that loving someone like this means that every day is a little bit more; every day it means a little bit more, gives a little bit more, requires a little bit more from him. He has discovered that loving her means moments of desperate fear and moments of unparalleled happiness. He has learned that needing someone that much is both a vulnerability and a strength.
He's wondering if it's too soon to buy a ring.
They spend long minutes kissing tenderly and murmuring soft reassurances to each other until the clatter and fizz of the pasta boiling over on the stove brings them back to reality with a laugh.
"I should probably feed you," he mumbles in her ear as he moves and reaches one arm to turn the pasta down, leaving the other wrapped around her waist. Touch seems as essential as breath for a long time after that; she rests her hands at his waist and her cheek on his back as he puts the finishes dinner, both giggling as they shuffle awkwardly together around the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on their meal, and then hold hands across the table as they eat.
They're lying curled together later, bodies still tucked tightly into each other, when he speaks.
"You know, I think if I hadn't already known they were creeps before I went in there, I'd still have known it was bull the moment we stepped out of those vans."
"Please." She retorts, "they manipulate and take advantage of people for a living. Hundreds of intelligent people have been brainwashed by their lies. How do you know you couldn't have been caught up?"
He rolls to lean over her, studying the play of the light and shadows on her face and the faint blush that rises at his scrutiny,
"That line? 'welcome to the best part of your life'?" He lifts his right hand to run his fingers along her face and into the hair at her temple, eyes tracing the lines of her browbones, her cheekbones, and her lips again before he finishes.
"I'm already living the best part of my life."