Surrender

Shizuo

A/N:- Thank you for the reviews. Smut in this one. Enjoy.

He really was a cruel person. Izaya had told him he loved him, but he had remained stuck in his self pity. Once again Shizuo was in the bath, in the one room, the flea wouldn't set foot in. It was the only sanctuary in the entire apartment. One day was normal, two he might have been feeling ill. Three days, Izaya could probably tell, he was avoiding him. But one week was heartless.

The blond had loved him since high school, so why was he treating him as if he meant nothing? The water surrounding him was getting cold, the tips of his fingers were getting wrinkly. Pulling the plug, he watched the water drain halfway, before putting the plug back in and refilling the bath with hot water. He should be fine for another hour.

He could tell Izaya was getting fed up, no doubt the flea was scheming something. In truth he should open up and let him in. If they were lovers shouldn't they trust each other? Because he did trust Izaya, he trusted him with everything. He just couldn't find it in him to trust himself. "Once a monster, always a monster."

Shizuo could tell he definitely had his strength back. Moving his hand through the water, he ignored his wrinkled fingers, staring at the slow healing gash across his palm. It was the most human thing about him. Usually really bad cuts healed within a couple of days, well almost. Gazing down, he ran his fingers gently along the horizontal scar on his chest. Izaya had been the only one to truly hurt him, except for Shingen, but that was his fault. He had let him do it.

So why didn't he give in? He had wanted Izaya to love him and that's what he had. So why couldn't he. "Because I'm a monster." glaring at the water, he tried to make sense of his head and heart. "I could hurt him." But no one hurt his lover. He hadn't allowed it. He had always been the scapegoat. Resting his head on his knees, his fingers drew little patterns through the water. "...I love him." Shouldn't that be enough. "...I trust him." Even if it hurt. Even if he broke. "...I want to be with him." In his head he could picture Izaya grinning. About time, protozoan.

Shizuo shivered, knowing that if he hadn't really healed he would become violently sick again. His hands clenched and unclenched. Yanking out the plug, he climbed out of the bath, wrapping a towel around his waist. Glancing at the door, he swallowed, walking backwards. If he went down stairs, would Izaya accept him? Had he managed to ruin everything already?

Moving forward, he paused again his hand reaching for the door. Turning away, he began to walk back towards the bath. A single step and he was facing the door, a few steps back and he was facing the bath. Running a hand through his hair, Shizuo realized he was pacing around the room. Damn it. Roughly rubbing a hand through his wet hair, he watched as water dripped from the strands. Shaking his head, he swallowed thickly moving stiffly towards the door. Every step felt like he was carrying a signpost, a vending machine and now he felt like he was trying to move a truck. His hand reached the handle, throwing the door open and nearly collapsing at the top of the stairs.

He could do it. What was it twelve, thirteen steps? That wasn't a problem. What's the worst Izaya could do? Reject him. He deserved it. It took a while, but his feet touched the bottom of the stairs. Glancing at the bedroom door, he clenched his injured hand. The flea would only worry if he saw it hadn't healed. Changing direction, he ended up in the kitchen, carefully bandaging his hand. Time was up, he had stalled long enough.

Pushing open the door, he could see Izaya sitting cross legged on the bed, reading the back of a dvd case. Hadn't they watched them all? No. That was a lie, they had been playing. It didn't mean he had been paying attention. "Enjoy your bath?" Gripping the towel tighter, he nodded his head. "Yeah." Shizuo swallowed seeing Izaya lick his lips, he knew what that gaze meant. "You're still wet." Maybe this was a bad idea. "Yeah."

The flea got off the bed, stepping inside his personal bubble. He could feel his face heat up, his heart beating quicker, blood pulsing in his ears. Surely Izaya could hear it? "Do you need some help?" Yes. I need you. Shaking his head, he tried not to back away as the towel was removed from his head. "I can-" He was cut off, crimson eyes piercing him. "Shizu-chan." Taking a deep breath, he felt himself slump. "...Yeah. I need help."

"Sit down, protozoan." Shizuo smiled, glad that Izaya was the same as usual. That was a good thing wasn't it? "Don't tell me what to do, flea." Taking a seat anyway, he closed his eyes, as Izaya dried his hair. Say it. He doesn't look upset. Opening his eyes, he stared at his legs. "Izaya. Do you want to..." Shit! Not again. He needed to say it. "Do I want to what?" Looking away he hoped he wasn't blushing. He was teasing him again.

"You know...Damn it, you never make anything easy." Wrapping his arm around the flea's waist, he threw him on the bed, being careful to control his strength. Closing his eyes he pressed his lips against Izaya's soft ones. This time he wasn't sick and Izaya wasn't hungover. "About time, Shizu-chan." He couldn't help but smile. "Don't want to hurt you any more." His voice sounded softer than usual in his head.

"You should be more worried about yourself, protozoan." Shizuo gasped in surprise as he found himself pinned underneath the flea, who was straddling his waist. "I'm the one hurting you." Izaya's fingers shook as they stroked his cheek. "I won't any more. Let go of everything, Shizu-chan. I'll take it all. I'll make it all go away." His breath hitched, a sobbing sound coming from deep within him. Covering his face, he tried and failed in hiding how broken he truly was from his lover.

"Shizu-chan." He heard Izaya say his name over and over again, placing soft kisses against his clenched fists. "Trust me." Slowly moving his hands, his gaze swam as he looked up into concerned crimson. "Do you still want to do this?" Biting his lip, he nodded his head. Yes. He wanted Izaya. "I need you to tell me." Of course he did. But Izaya's voice was soft and felt like velvet whispered against his ear. "Yeah. I want to do it."

Shizuo had given in. His eyes widened as his top was cut. "Izaya." Crimson eyes widened. "Ah, force of habit." The flea went to close it. "No. Keep it out. Just in case." He turned his head away ignoring that gaze. Hearing a small thud, he sighed in disappointment. He could see the knife laying harmlessly on the floor. Seconds later, a belt joined it. "Look at me Shizu-chan." Turning back, he watched as his lover, pulled his top over his head, revealing a toned chest. "I really screwed with your head. I'm sorry."

He couldn't break the gaze, not when Izaya was so serious. He meant every word. Izaya truly loved him. "S-stop." But since when did the flea listen to him? Never. He covered his ears with his hands, trying to block out each word, that flowed into his mind like sweet poison. "S-stop." It was painful and he hadn't even touched him. He could feel all the steel like walls he had build come crashing down and still Izaya continued, not letting him get away.

Lashing out he pushed his lover away from him, unable to watch if he had hurt him or not. Tears streaked down his cheeks, as he curled into a ball, his hands pushing against his ears, as if he could block out everything. The bed dipped, but he kept his eyes closed. His legs were lifted, soft material covering his naked body. A slim arm wrapped around his waist. "Its true, Shizu-chan." Shaking his head, he tried to bury underneath the covers. Somehow he ended up, clinging to Izaya with his head on his chest. Warm fingers threaded through his hair. The blond cried himself to sleep.

The next morning he rubbed at his eyes, memories of yesterday filling his mind. Shizuo flushed, attempting to bury himself back under the covers. "Good morning, Shizu-chan. I made breakfast." His chance to even pretend was gone. "Morning." He still hadn't looked up yet. His eyes closed as he heard Izaya move closer to the bed, his chin was lifted and then there was a warm pressure against his mouth, his eyes snapping open. "Hm. That's better."

Damn it. He was blushing like a school girl. "Cut it out." Did that sound normal? The flea only laughed. "Come on. Or the food will get cold." Letting out a sigh, he climbed out of bed, following Izaya into the kitchen. "What are you planning on doing today?" He sat down at the table, staring at his plate. Maybe if Izaya went out, he would have some space to think. He wasn't that lucky. "Hm? I'm going to spend the whole day with you." Shit.

Once he had eaten, Shizuo returned to the bedroom. Maybe he should have a long relaxing bath. No. He had decided to stop the self pity crap. Slim arms wrapped around his waist from behind. "What are you thinking about?" Shrugging his shoulders, he kept his head from looking back. "Nothing." There was a small sigh from behind him. "Really? You aren't very good at lying protozoan."

Yeah. He knew that. He had always counted it as one of his good traits. His eyes widened as he felt something a little less innocent, pressed against his ass. Oh! Glancing down, he could see that he was somehow in the same state. "Izaya?" Sharp teeth nibbled along his ear. "I can't wait any more." Shizuo sighed. Neither could he. Reaching down, his fingers brushed over Izaya's hands, telling them to let go.

He let himself fall back onto the bed, the same as yesterday. The knife and belt were gone, so maybe the flea still had them on him? His eyes widened as each individual button was undone. "Izaya?" His lover met his gaze. "I'm not using it on you." His bed shirt fell open, showing the man he loved, what a mess he truly was, all of his scars. Nothing was hidden. "Don't look away."

He could feel feather light touches against his skin, looking down he wondered what Izaya was doing. The flea was kissing each individual mark. "Oi. Stop that." Mischievous crimson orbs shone back at him. "When Shizu-chan admits it feels good, I'll move on." Shit this was embarrassing. But his heart twinged, with each gently lick of his new scars, the ones shingen had created and yet nearly all of the flea's attention was on the first scar. Only one that deep down truly mattered. "Ah. Feels...good." It was enough. He got the message.

The damn flea didn't stop there, he began to kiss along his arms, down his legs and his feet. Damn it. Was he trying to humiliate him? "I get it. Enough." His lover looked up at him. "Do you?" Shizuo nodded reluctantly. Izaya loved him. Izaya would accept him for who he was. "Good." He watched his lover get undressed, each article of clothing dropping to the floor, his boxers were the last to go. Fuck. Now he was fully hard.

His own clothes were tugged away, joining the pile on the floor. Shizuo bit his lip as the flea crawled on to the bed, their skin touching. There was no stopping this time. Not for Izaya's safety or for his little breakdowns. The flea was defenceless. But so was he. Izaya had managed to shred through everything, leaving an insecure monster behind. ...No, that wasn't quite right.

His hands clenched, fingers tangled in the covers, but he already knew they wouldn't hold. His lover was taking his time, teasing him by touching everywhere except for where he needed to be touched. A single finger swirled around the pink flesh of one of his nipples, just not actually touching it. "Izaya." The flea grinned. "Does it feel good?"

Nodding his head, he gasped as the sensitive nub was flicked and pinched, sharp teeth grazing over each one, giving them equal attention. He was almost tempted to break his death grip on the covers. Crimson eyes never left his own, even as Izaya licked and kissed down his stomach. "Good?" Nodding again, he wondered how long they were going to do this for. "Fuck."

Slim fingers curled around the base of his cock, Izaya still watching him as he licked along his hardened shaft. "W-watch your ring." In reply both rings were removed and tossed on the floor, making him blink in surprise. The flea wasn't going to hurt him any more. His hips bucked up as he felt a warm heat around him. One of his lover's hands rested on his hip. Shit. He could choke him. "I-Izaya stop."

"Why? You like it, Shizu-chan." Shizuo shivered as he felt the vibration, that small mouth taking him deep. His hands clenched tighter, his eyes snapping open as he heard the fabric rip. Reaching behind him, he held onto the headboard, his eyes closing as he threw his head back. Fuck, he had no idea Izaya was so good. "Izaya!" That was all the warning he could give, before the dam broke, flowing into his lover's mouth.

Shizuo could feel his heart rate quicken, his breathing breaking from its usual rhythm. They shouldn't be doing this. "Ne, Shizu-chan. Does it feel good?" Numbly he nodded his head, a haze slowly filling his mind. "We're not yet done." splayed hands rested on his inner thighs, gently pushing them apart. "No!" He knew if they did it like the flea wanted to, he would lose his mind and most likely hurt him.

Letting go of the bed, he rolled onto his stomach, getting on all fours, his face heated up at the embarrassing position, but it was safer. Behind him he could hear his lover sigh. Resisting the urge to turn around and see what Izaya was doing, he waited until heard a click of a cap opening, a cold and wet finger circling his entrance. Trying to relax his body, the blond glanced down seeing his bandaged hand. If he hadn't really healed...

He felt his hole stretch, now it was becoming slightly uncomfortable. His knees quivered when something inside him was touched. "Good?" Nodding for more, the new found spot Izaya had found was poked and prodded mercilessly. His now aching cock dangled between his legs and once again he found himself regretting his decision. His mind changed, when he felt a hand wrap around his length, bringing him to completion. "Still feeling good?" What was with the questions?

His arms gave way, so that he was kneeling on the bed on his elbows. He couldn't help but feel empty as he felt Izaya's fingers slide out of him with a squelching sound. Shizuo bit his lip as he felt something else press against him and he knew by the way the bed dipped, that it was Izaya. "Shit! Ha." His body clenched around the intrusion, making the man behind him hiss. "Relax."

Not seeing anything was a bitch and it hurt his neck when he tried to look behind him. Damn it. But he could feel everything. Firm fingers gripping his felt like he was being torn apart as Izaya edged inside him, something slapping against his ass. "Shizu-chan?" Why the fuck had he chosen to do it like this? "...Hurry and move."

"Nn. Shit." He felt the flea pull out slightly, before slamming back into him without any warning, right into that small bundle of nerves. "So tight, Shizu-chan." Another moan escaped him, throwing himself back against each thrust, his eyes closed as all he could hear were their pants and moans, the sound of flesh on flesh. He could feel every inch of his lover inside him, balls slapping against his ass. His knees gave way, Shizuo collapsing on the bed.

He thought he saw Izaya smirk, as his lover pulled out moving his leg. It was only then he realised he was on his back, the way they were in the beginning. His back arched as he was filled once again, this time his aching cock rubbed against the flea's stomach with every movement. From here he could see Izaya's face perfectly, he looked content, cheeks flushed, crimson eyes full of lust.

Slim hands ghosted along his sides, moving along his arms, his gaze followed them warily, before he was distracted by the sudden movement inside him. Before he knew it, his arms were being coaxed into wrapping around his lover. "Wha?" A finger was pressed against his lips. His head hit the head board as Izaya went back to pounding away at his prostate, his legs apart as wide as they could go, while his hips rocked, silently begging the flea to go deeper.

"So good. Fuck!" Biting his lips he tried to stop anything else leaving his mouth. Shizuo was already a mess and now he was writhing underneath his lover like a puppy having his tummy scratched. "More." It wasn't long before both of them were close, the familiar coil in his abdomen, his cock standing to attention, pre-cum leaking from the tip. "Ne, Shizu-chan. Still feeling good?"

How could the flea still talk? He was down to garbled moans and noises of pleasure. Nodding his head, he shifted his hips, wanting more. "You know... Monsters don't feel anything. They don't care about anything. They're ugly and horrific and want to make my precious humans run away." Shizuo blinked, trying to grasp what Izaya was saying, but the hand on his cock was distracting.

"Shizu-chan is different." Shit. "You feel everything, you take on pain that isn't yours." Every word was followed by a harsh thrust against his sweet spot, making him rock back. "You're hot and cute." The room felt like it was getting smaller, his lover felt like a giant towering over him. "You're not a monster, Shizu-chan. You're special and you're mine." The hand around his cock, moved sending him over the edge. "Ah. Cum-"

His lover launched forward into him, in quick desperate movements. "Cum for me, Shizu-chan." His toes curled as he released, the small fountain, covering his stomach and the flea's hand, who followed after him, making him feel so damn full. His body felt weak, his arms sliding from Izaya's neck, his body relaxed, feeling empty and boneless. Shizuo couldn't find the energy to get up. His eyes slipped closed, a tired smile on his face, feeling a soft pressure against his lips. "I'm... not a... monster."

Next:- Conviction