I have no excuse except that life and writer's block and senior year of college all got in the way. Shoutout to the people who kept me motivated and inspired and checked in with me over this extensive hiatus. Special mention goes to ughthisbitch :)

This is a short chapter (there will be a second part of it coming soon) but I figured you all have waited long enough to find out the fate of Baby Bensler.

Again, thank you so much and I love you all!

The sounds of machines beeping around her and the goosebumps she could feel on the skin not covered by her hospital gown told her that she was alive. That life was going on. But until she knew that her baby was okay, she was suspended in time. A drop of water clinging onto the cold metal of the faucet, just waiting to fall into the abyss.

Elliot was sitting next to her, whispering that it would all be okay and other platitudes that did nothing to reassure her. He had barely let go of her hand since he helped her into the car to bring her to the hospital.

The fingers of her free hand played absent-mindedly with a loose thread on the light blue gown that covered her, yet left her feeling more vulnerable and exposed than if she had been naked. The lump that sat in her throat prevented her from forming words, but there were none to be said. She couldn't bring her eyes to rest on her stomach so instead she followed the nurses as they walked up and down the halls, carrying silver clipboards that held results that would change people's lives forever.

She'd been to the hospital hundreds of times with victims or members of her squad, and even on her own a handful of times. But as she slowly inhaled the sterile air through her nose and blew it slowly out her mouth, she remembered one time in particular.

When she drank, Serena Benson got nasty. On that night, a thirteen-year-old Olivia had approached her mother, who was halfway into a bottle of scotch. A simple request to attend a friend's sleepover party had ended with Olivia hiding under her covers, sobbing, as her mother's words, ungrateful little slut, echoed in her ears. As she felt the sheets beneath her grow cold with her tears, her breath catching in her throat, she heard the deafening crack.

The nurses had promised her that her mother would be fine, that she was just resting. But Olivia couldn't bring herself to believe them. From what she could gather, her mom was in fact okay, but Olivia couldn't shake the feeling that something had changed. It weighed her down, pulling deep in her gut, and though her mother did wake up and things did go back to normal, or as normal as they ever were under Serena Benson's roof, she never forgot that feeling. It was the same one that crashed over her in waves the moment Cragen told her of her mother's death. And sitting on the stiff mattress waiting to hear the results of her own tests it had found her once more.

The events of that morning, the laughing and cuddling and making love, all felt so far away. She didn't know if life would ever be like that again. Happy. Of course it wouldn't last. Couldn't last. She was Olivia Benson, after all, and Olivia Benson didn't get to be happy. Every second that went by she swore she could feel the life draining from her. If it was good news, surely it wouldn't take this long.

As soon as they arrived to the ER and explained her situation, she had been moved to a private room. A blonde nurse Ashley? Ally? Amy? had taken her blood. She had smiled softly and told Olivia not to worry until they knew anything for certain. If she hadn't been so numb, she would have slapped the bitch.

The minutes ticked by, Elliot's breath keeping time for her. He was exhaling his 139th breath, broad shoulders shaking with his own uncertainty, when Dr. Stone, who had rushed to the hospital after Elliot's frantic calls, rapped at the door twice before entering. Her blue eyes settled on Olivia and she walked over to the foot of the bed, clutching her clipboard tightly. After what felt like an unending silence, she opened her mouth. "Everything looks good, Mommy," she said, smiling gently.

The words hung in the air for a few seconds, the partners in disbelief. Olivia could feel the warm pathways of her tears as they slipped down her face. "I…I…" Elliot squeezed her hand tighter.

"You're okay, Olivia. The baby is okay. I want to do an ultrasound, but your bloodwork is clear."

"I...I…" Her heart had come back to life, beating out of her chest. Her throat was dry, its moisture replaced by her armpits. She turned slowly to face Elliot, unable to process anything she was hearing. Her baby was okay. But… but she had been so sure.

"What happened, doctor?" Elliot asked, giving voice to the words that were lost somewhere deep inside her. Olivia's gaze settled on her lap, where she could see her hand and Elliot's, fingers intertwined. For the first time, she squeezed back.

"During pregnancy, there is greater blood flow to the cervix," Dr. Stone explained. "As you said, you had just had intercourse right before Olivia started bleeding. This kind of contact with the cervix can trigger bleeding and some cramping. There's usually no cause for concern when the bleeding is caused by this- sex during pregnancy is very safe and healthy- but we can never be too sure. It's good that you came in."

Lifting her free hand finally to her stomach, Olivia unclenched her fingers and spread them out one by one over her nonexistent baby bump. Her little peanut was still in there. She- the partners had been bickering all week over their baby's sex- was safe and snug inside her belly. "I…" She closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, feeling the cool, stale air fill her chest. "Th-thank you."

"Oh, Olivia," Dr. Stone breathed. "You're very welcome, but I didn't do anything… I know it's just a little bit earlier than we expected, but what do you say we get a look at your baby, hmm?"

"Yes!" Olivia answered, shaking her head violently, the most movement she'd been able to muster since Elliot picked her up off the shower floor. She could feel her limbs becoming lighter, her body regaining control.

The doctor left, explaining she would give them a few minutes alone and send an ultrasound tech in to give them their first look at their baby. When it was just the two of them once more, Elliot reached behind her to fluff up her pillows, leaning in to press a kiss on her cheek.

"You're okay, Liv. Both of you," he whispered into her ear. Despite staying calm for her, she knew that he was releasing his own tensions and fears. He brought their joined hands to meet the one that was already resting on Olivia's stomach.

"I… I just need to see her." She believed Dr. Stone. There was no reason for her to lie. No hidden agenda, no master conspiracy. But she had never needed anything more than she needed to hear her baby's heartbeat in that moment. It would prove to her that she hadn't failed as a mother already.

"Or him," Elliot teased, kissing the sensitive skin behind her ear, sending a shiver down her spine. He knew it was her favorite spot and that made her smile.

"It's a girl," she said firmly, her thumb lazily caressing her stomach.

"Whatever you say, Mommy." He placed a few kisses at the edge of her hairline, his stubble tickling her skin.

"She's a girl." Of course she would be happy either way, but there was something about the idea of a little girl that she just couldn't let go of.

Elliot reached up to tuck the hair out of her face, his hand sliding down to cradle her skull and they caught each other's eyes. Staring into the depths of his blue pools, she wondered if their daughter would have his eyes. It still felt surreal to her that she was having his child.

Just the other day she was sitting on the couch, her socked feet resting on the coffee table, much to Elliot's dismay. She had been surprised to learn that he was actually a little bit of a clean freak. After twelve years, she thought she knew everything about him.

As Wheel of Fortune played quietly in the background, she watched his large form move about the kitchen, making her dinner. For a moment, it was as though she was watching the scene play out on a big movie screen. She was half-expecting the picture to disappear and the lights to come back up, but just then Elliot turned around and smiled at her.

"We're having a baby," she said.

"We are," Elliot nodded in agreement.

"That's pretty cool."

"The coolest."