Stay with Me Love
The day after his mother's funeral, Casey was sitting in the hospital getting a blood test, and undergoing a thorough physical examination to make sure he could withstand the next cycle of consolidation chemotherapy. Severide was with him, although he would be going back to work soon, having taken quite a bit of time off over the holidays for Casey's sake. He smiled when Catalina approached them in the waiting area. She gave Casey an affirming nod; his bloods had come back and he could get started on the next round of treatment. Casey was just relieved he wasn't going to need another bone biopsy for a while, and he was grateful for small mercies like that nowadays.
Severide wished that they weren't so familiar with this ward and the routine, but nevertheless he set up the hospital room whilst Casey sat on the bed and pulled out some books, a pack of cards, his headphones and the notepad he used for jotting information down about his treatment in an attempt to keep track of it all. Severide had once looked through whilst he'd slept, noticing how much Casey's handwriting, once way neater and far more legible than his own, had deteriorated and was now almost an illegible scrawl. Only going to show how severely he was being affected by the treatment.
Casey was quiet, which wasn't unusual before he started chemotherapy, and it didn't go unnoticed by Severide. He'd already swallowed down the Zofran pills and was now just waiting to be set up with the infusion pump. He knew Shay would be visiting him today, so he was at least looking forward to catching up with her and hearing what she had got up to over the holidays.
Once Severide had the hospital room organised and looking a little more homely for Casey, he sat down on the bed next to him. "You don't need to wait," Casey told him, flipping the brown teddy bear, that Shay had bought it some time ago now, over and over in his hand.
"I'm waiting," he responded, a side smile quirking his lips, and a sparkle in his eyes.
"Thought you said you'd need to move the car or something?" Casey frowned as he asked.
He nodded. "I can do that once the chemo's running."
"Don't want you to get a ticket," Casey continued, they'd parked in a nearby short stay area so Casey didn't have so far to walk.
"And I don't want you starting this round without me," Severide said, putting his hand on Casey's forearm, stopping him from fidgeting with the bear.
"I'll be fine today, it'll hit me tomorrow, and I'll be painting the walls with my projectile vomiting," he added with a forced huff of laughter. "You'll be here though… no private bodily functions for me…"
"Oh, I…" he stammered at Casey's remark, not sure how Casey meant it or quite how to respond.
"That came out wrong. I want you here, I just mean, you'll have seen everything and we've not even gone on proper date," Casey explained.
His eyes widened. "You want a proper date?"
"I do," Casey responded.
"With candles and flowers, and wine?"
Casey smiled at him. "You can skip the flowers. I do like candles and wine."
"Nice fancy restaurant?" he suggested.
"Not too fancy, I'd rather have normal food in normal portions than super fancy food," Casey said with a chuckle.
"I'll have to see what I can do then," he responded.
"Where do you usually take your dates?"
"What makes you think I take them to the same place?" Severide asked him.
He shrugged. "Seems like something you'd do."
"Is it a bad thing?"
"No, it's easy," Casey replied.
"You think I like easy?"
"No, if you liked easy you'd have run away from me, even before the cancer," Casey said with a short chuckle.
"You're not hard to love, Matt," he answered tentatively, waiting to see how Casey would react to him pushing the boundaries a little now.
Casey just turned his head away from Severide's steady gaze, swallowing hard, trying to stem the emotions that were gathering up inside him, rising into his throat, stopping him answering.
Gently Severide placed a hand on Casey's jaw, turning his head back towards him. Seeing unshed tears glistening in his eyes he spoke again. "You're easy to love."
Casey was shaking his head now.
"You're easy to love," Severide repeated firmly.
Shaking his head still, he started to respond. "Then why…"
"Why what?"
"Why didn't they love me?" Casey whispered. "My parents, why didn't they…"
"You are loved, Matt, by me, most of all, but by everyone around you, everyone you meet. Don't tell anyone I told you this, but, you're definitely the favourite officer on second watch," he added, lowering his voice.
Before Casey could respond there was a brief knock at the door, Catalina walked in with his medication on a rolling table, plastered with hazardous and toxic labels all over the infusion bag.
"Here we go again…" Casey said quietly as she approached. Severide gave his arm a comforting squeeze then stood up from the bed, getting out of Catalina's way. Casey opened up his gown so she could check his central line before attaching him to the infusion pump.
"So," Catalina began as she set up the pump. "How did you break your wrist? Bar brawl?" She grinned at Casey, knowing humorous banter would cheer him up a little.
Severide glanced at him, wondering how he would respond. He watched Casey smile as he spoke. "I wish. Sent my fist through some plasterboard."
"Felt better for it?"
"Yeah, until the adrenaline wore off and the pain kicked in," he responded with a brief eye roll.
"Right, you're all set up, Matt," she told him. "You know the drill; I'll be in every couple of hours to check on you, or hit the call button if you need me. And don't go putting any holes in my hospital walls, all right?"
"I'll try not to," he replied with a wry smile.
Casey was sitting on the comfortable chair in the hospital room alone a short while later, he sighed as he flipped through a magazine, uninterested and struggling to concentrate. His mood was greatly improved when Shay entered the room, blonde hair tied up in a messy bun and surgical mask covering her smile as she let the door close behind her.
"Hi, Matt, I'm sorry I've not been able to see you sooner, I'm really sorry about your mom," she said, smile fading. She saw the cast on his wrist but decided not to say anything.
Casey shook his head, not wanting to talk about it. "How was your Christmas?" he asked her as she pulled a chair over to him and sat down.
"It was… nice the first day I was surrounded by my whole family, then I was already sick of it all… and, well, I'm definitely glad I left when I was younger, can't stand that town," she told him, shaking her head.
"No?"
"I never had a place there, didn't fit in," she responded. "Didn't want to fit in there."
"Bet most places are too small for you," he said, smiling.
"You ever think about leaving Chicago?" she asked him.
"Every winter when it's too cold, every summer when it's too hot," he joked, happy to be talking about something unrelated to the situation he was in, or his mothers death.
"Kelly not here?"
"He's around somewhere, he went to move the car, parked in short stay," he explained.
"How are you two?"
"Good, no complaints," he answered with a smile. "I'm sorry, don't really have anything to say."
"I can tell you about the rest of little trip, or I can shut up and put the TV on?"
"Tell me more about Christmas," he said, settling down into the chair.
Casey didn't notice Severide return a short while later, he'd drifted off into a light doze as Shay had given him some stories from her time back at home. Shay stood up and went over to him, smiling as she approached him, hugging him tightly when she reached him.
"How are you?" she asked.
Severide just nodded, looking over to Casey.
"Kinda glad he's fallen asleep, he looked exhausted," she commented.
"Yeah, been a rough few days," he said, nodding.
"For you too, I'm sure," Shay responded. "You look exhausted too."
Severide shook his head. "There's no comparison."
"You gotta look after yourself too, if not for yourself but for Matt, you don't want him to start worrying about you," she told him.
"I'm… concerned, worried he's not gonna cope so well with chemo this time."
"Because of his mom," she finished.
"Yeah… he's gonna have more time to think now he's here, now the funeral's over and done with. It's gonna hit him hard, I dunno how much more he can deal with."
"He broke his wrist," she commented.
"He did, uncomplicated break at least, cast should be off in eight weeks. I think it's gonna get worse than that though. We know him well enough, know him more than anyone. Having time to think now isn't gonna help his head, maybe in a while, but not straight away," he said, already thinking about re-plastering Casey's bedroom wall himself, although he wasn't sure he'd do a good job at it, but right now he didn't think Casey would manage it either.
"All you can do is be there for him," Shay told him, placing a hand on his arm comfortingly.
"He'll push everyone away," he said sadly.
"Yeah, he might try, but you're as stubborn as he is," she reminded him.
TBC