Thank you so much for the reviews, we reached the 100! Can't believe it. Thank you so much for your support!

So, here's another update, pretty soon, I know. I just was in this flow, it was crazy. I spend a lot of time writing these past few days, but I think the next update is gonna take a little longer, just so you guys know ;)

So, this chapter is tense. A look inside the head of someone who never talks about his pain, about his traumatic experiences, who always wears a mask, pretending to be okay. But at some point, that has to go wrong. You can't just keep everything inside, letting it eat you up slowly, letting it poisoning you. I know how it feels like. I wrote about it because it's something I struggle with daily. Of course, in this story, it's a bit more extreme.

Anywayz, hope you guys like it.

Chapter thirty six

Vinnie was staring at his bro's backs, who were still riding in front of him. Where he at first felt guilty that he just ran off to get himself into trouble, he now somehow felt annoyed his bro's had stopped him before he could finish the job. Sure, he had his fun, but it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough after these two weeks, being locked up and reliving his bro's death just over and over again. His bro's were talking to each other, Vinnie could hear their voices over the radio, but he couldn't focus on what they were saying.
His heart was still racing. The cramp in his jaw made him aware he was still grinding his teeth. He still had that irritating twitch in his left eye. Fucking hell…
And how in the world was it even possible that Throttle was driving in front of him, while he was still in his bed when he had left the house a hour ago? Why was he acting as if nothing happened, when it was very clear that the world had stopped spinning since that moment he'd stopped breathing that day back in the woods? Vinnie grabbed his handlebars tightly. God, he was on edge, alright. And he hated it. He hated himself for being like this. For not being able to handle this. It gave him the feeling he was weak.
He looked at Modo, who was talking and laughing with Throttle. Same old, same old. As if nothing happened. How did he do that? Vinnie just couldn't wrap his mind around it.
I mean, look at him. He was a nervous wreck. A ticking time bomb. A thing he was very aware of. But a thing he had no control over.

He noticed that he'd started to slow down. The distance between him and his bro's became bigger. And they didn't even notice it. It was clear they weren't paying attention to him at all.
Vinnie couldn't care less. He was so not in the mood to 'talk' right now. Ugh.
His bro's drove around a corner and Vinnie lost them outta his sight for a moment. Still, he was planning on following them. He really was. And if it wasn't for the big guy with the red bandana, he would've succeeded.
But when he wanted to make the turn, a heavy weight slammed against his right side and before Vinnie even had time to process what was happening, he flew off his bike and landed hard on the ground. The rough landing struck the air outta his lungs and he had this short moment of panic because he couldn't breathe. He gasped for air, knowing he had to get back on his feet. But there was no time. He only saw a flash of faces above him, laughing loudly, before someone kicked him.
Hard.
The scraped shoe hit him right between his ribs and he moaned in pain, still not able to fill his lungs with enough air to fight back. Another shoe kicked against his head, making his helmet fly off. H
e heard the men breath in sharply. All of them. At the same time.
Really, it would've been funny under other circumstances.
It did gave Vinnie a short moment to breathe. But it still wasn't enough. He looked up and saw the whole gang standing around him, a shocked look on their faces. The leader with the red bandana kneeled down and grabbed Vinnie by his bandana, pulling him closer to study him.
"A mouse?", he eventually asked, a patronizing tone in his voice.
Vinnie knew he had to keep his big mouth shut, but his lips curled into a smirk without thinking. He looked the guy straight in the eye, still breathing heavily. The pain in his side was killing him. He probably broke a few ribs.
"Boo. Am I still allowed to join your next tea party, though? It all looked so cosy and cute.. The only things missing were the unicorns and lollipops..."
The guy narrowed his eyes.
"A stubborn mouse, who doesn't know when he lost…"
"Who? Moi? It was you who ran away after all, crying for your mommie…", Vinnie provoked him. He just couldn't stop himself.

The leader clenched his fist and punched the white furred mouse right under his right eye.
At the unharmed side of his face.
His pretty face.
That was already fucked up.
Vinnie felt his blood boil, but before he could do something, the guy hit him again and this time with so much force, Vinnie landed hard on the ground, making the back of his head slamming against the pavement.
"Ah man, come on…", he gasped in pain.
His mouth filled with blood, since the hard landing had forced his teeth into his lip and tongue. He spit out the blood, turning his head, but the guy grabbed him again.
"What's the matter, mouse? Lost your tongue?"
Vinnie narrowed his eyes, still having a hard time breathing.
"Nevah."
The guy studied him, somehow impressed by what he was seeing. His gaze landed on Vinnie's mask.
"What do you have to hide under that mask, I wonder…" and he slowly raised his hand.
But a black, fingerless gloved hand grabbed his wrist in an iron grip. The guy was startled for a moment, but soon recovered. But when he looked back into the ruby red eyes, he froze again. The eyes of the mouse were almost burning, spitting out pure rage.

The moment the guy had reached out for his mask, something had snapped in Vinnie's head.
No one, no man, no mouse, no human, no woman was allowed to take off his mask. Especially not some low life criminal, who earned his money by stealing and probably dealing drugs too. Enough was enough.
His hand was still around the guys wrist and in one movement, he broke it. He felt the bones snap under his fingers and it somehow gave him such a satisfying feeling. The guy screamed loud in pain, bending over and letting go off Vinnie's bandana. Vinnie used that moment to jump back on his feet, planting his knee in the guys face in the process. The tough guy fell backwards, crying in pain while holding his hand with his eyes wide open. His friends tried to grab Vinnie, but the white furred mouse finally had enough air, plus a lot of anger to let out. He used his tail to tackle a few of them, while hitting two others straight in the face, knocking them out immediately. The others scrambled back on their feet and one of them grabbed Vinnie by the arm. The latter turned around and elbowed him in the face. Another one tried to grab his tail, but the white long tail slapped him in the face before he could succeed.

Soon, there was only one guy left and Vinnie threw himself on him, punching him the face, over and over again. Somewhere deep down, he knew he needed to stop. That this was crazy. That he needed to fight this anger, that was completely taking him over, and not this random guy. But he just couldn't control himself.
As usual. Story of his life.
But the guy didn't gave up that easily and when Vinnie raised his fist again, he used that moment to pull on Vinnie's ear.
Hard.
Vinnie let out a growl in pain, since their ears are very sensitive. The guy under him took advantage of the short moment Vinnie was distracted and rolled over, dragging the white furred mouse with him.
Now he was sitting on top of Vinnie. He clenched his fist and Vinnie looked at his face. His eyes were wide open, blood was streaming outta his nose, he clearly missed a few teeth... The guys fist landed on Vinnie's nose and he raised it again…
Vinnie tensed his muscles, ready to fight him, but suddenly, the weight on top of him was gone. The guy was gone.
Vinnie jerked upright, looking wildy around him. He suddenly saw Modo standing in front of him, throwing the guy away as if he was just a piece of paper.
Throttle kneeled down next to him.
"Vincent, stand down...", but he didn't sound that confident as he had wanted.
The tan furred mouse looked at his younger bro. He sure had better days. Bruises were already visible under the fur on the right side of his face, his eye was a bit swollen, blood dripped out of his nose and to make things complete, he had a nasty looking cut in his lower lip.
Throttle sighed heavily while raising his hand to help him up, but Vinnie pushed him away, jumping at his feet.
"Don't touch me! Leave me the fuck alone!"
Throttle slowly rose at his feet and Modo joined him.
"Vincent, calm down…", the tan furred mouse said softly.
It was a very long time ago since the last time they had been in this situation. It wasn't the first time this happened. They had been here before. But it somehow felt different. More… intense...
"It's just us, bro…", Modo added, looking worried at Vinnie. He was a mess alright.
Vinnie spit out blood and bend over to grab his helmet.
Throttle suddenly was standing in front of him and he lay a hand on Vinnie's shoulder.
"What is eating you, bro?", he asked. Vinnie stared at him.
He heard the low husky voice of his bro, his friend, his leader speaking these words and for a very short moment, it gave him goosebumps and a rare feeling of peace. But that soon changed. Was he even serious right now? Vinnie suddenly felt the twitch at his left eye was back.
"Are you seriously asking me what is eating me?", he asked, his voice a few tones higher than usual.
Throttle nodded firmly.
"Yeah, I am. I mean, look at you. You look like you're possessed by the devil himself. You're obviously very upset. You go out to search for fight, run into these guys, and if we hadn't stopped you, you would've blew them to the seventh galaxy. Then we lose you outta our sight for only one second and we find you here, beaten up and a whole battlefield of wounded people around you… So ehm... yeah, I'm asking you what's eating you."
Vinnie did a few steps forward until his nose almost touched Throttle's nose.
"You're asking me what is eating me?", he repeated, his tail twitching, but Throttle didn't flinch. He wasn't scared his younger bro would attack him. And if he did try… well, then he would have a even bigger problem than he already had.
"Well, let's just start with the part that you died. You fucking died, Throttle. Luckily, we got ya back, but you still died. After that, you're lying in bed for weeks... And yet here you are, standing in front of me, having the nerve to lecture me, to act as if nothing happened…", Vinnie said between clenched teeth, breathing heavily. He poked his finger against Throttle's chest and this time, his nose touched Throttle's.
"But you died. THAT'S what's eating me."
He almost spit out the words. Then, he turned around and whistled at his bike. The red machine came to life and drove up next to him.
Vinnie jumped on and drove away with dangerous speed.

Modo also jumped on his bike, but Throttle lifted his hand.
"Let him go."
"But, Throttle…"
"I said, let him go…"
Modo shut his mouth, looking at Throttle, who was still standing at the same spot, clearly deep in thoughts.
"You okay, bro?"
The tan furred mouse didn't respond, still zoomed out. Modo walked over to him.
"I'm sure he didn't mean it, he just.. he's just lost… Almost losing you, well… he took it very hard…And you know how he is..."
Throttle suddenly looked at Modo.
"He's right, you know…"
Modo narrowed his eye, studying his bro's face.
"What…"
"He's right. I was wrong, by acting as if nothing happened. I should've know… I've let him down… I've let you both down… I…"
"Throttle, bro… You are not making any sense right now…"
"I gave up. When I was lying in that bed. I just gave up. I just couldn't do this anymore. This life, this war, everything… felt so pointless… Man, he must have felt it, somehow... Not sure if he's even aware of it, but he… he knows."
Throttle looked more defeated than Modo had ever saw him before. He grabbed Throttle by the shoulders and the tan furred mouse looked up at his older bro, somehow startled by the firm grip.
"Bro, now you listen to me. You need to stop carrying the whole world on your shoulders. This life, it's just… You're right, it somehow is pointless. But it's our life and that's final. You can't always be strong. We all give up at some point, and nobody can blame you for that. It's about how you get yourself back up on your feet that's important… And you did. You took a hard hit. You gave up. But here you are, back on your feet again. Vinnie needs to understand you're not invincible, you're a mouse made outta flesh and bones, with feelings… He needs to understand that even if you're our leader, you're also vulnerable, same as everybody else… Oh momma, I even forget sometimes. Seeing you lying in that bed, it was hard… But Ruby helped me realize you also have every right to break sometimes…"
Throttle just stared at Modo. The gray furred giant let him go, somehow embarrassed to speak this open about his feelings. But Throttle lay a hand on his shoulder.
"I never thought about it that way, but you're right, big fella…Thanks…"
"We're bro's. Family. We share a connection that runs deeper than blood. Vinnie will come around. He needs you and he knows that. If one thing became very clear this few weeks, is that he needs you."
"I know... Let's go home, big guy. Before this place is infested by cops…"
And they drove back home in silence.

Vinnie parked his bike wildly in front of the guesthouse and he slowly climbed off, moaning in pain. These guys sure packed a serious punch. If Throttle hadn't stopped him the first time, this was never happened.
God dammit.
He stumbled to the door, holding his side with one hand. Jesus, even breathing was painful. He opened the door and almost fell inside, leaning against the wall to support himself.
Fucking hell, he was so angry.
'What's eating you?'
ARGH! Honestly, was he blind?
Vinnie froze for a moment and started laughing. Blind. You get it?
But his face twisted in pain and he immediately stopped laughing again.
Dammit.
He leaned against the kitchen counter, breathing heavily. Very carefully, he lay his hand against his ribs and pushed. He felt something scraping against each other and pain almost made him throw up. Yep. Definitely broken.
He'd just started his way to his bedroom, when the door behind him opened.
He froze and pricked his ears. A familiar scent filled his nose.
"Vinnie? Are you alright?"
The last thing he needed right now, was a worried Kiwi. He just wanted to go to bed, pull the blanket over his head and sleep for like, I dunno, a year or so.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and he sighed heavily, turning around.
Kiwi breathed in sharply when she saw his face. Her eyes looked at the bruised skin that shined through his fur, at the cut in his lip, the blood on his face… Her gaze lowered and saw the way he was holding his side. More bruises on his torso and his pants was dirty and torn.
"Jesus, Vin, what happened to you?"
"Ugh, it's nothing, sweetheart, just some battle tattoos. Nothing that won't heal. Now, please, just leave me alone…" and he stumbled towards his bedroom.
But Kiwi stopped him.
"Please, talk to me. You're shutting me out and it's scaring me, Vinnie. It feels like I'm losing you… And I can't…"
Vinnie whirled around, clenching his teeth because of the pain this movement caused. His blood was already boiling again, his eyes spitting fire.
Kiwi scrambled back, completely taken off guard by this sudden appearance of aggressiveness.
"I am REALLY not in the mood to listen to your pathetic whining... doll", and he said the last word with a patronizing tone in his low voice.
He felt a small hint of pain when he saw the shocked and hurted look in her eyes. But the anger pushed everything away. He turned around and continued his journey to his bedroom. This time, Kiwi let him go. He heard the door closing behind her when she left the guesthouse. He finally made it to his bed and he lay down, moaning in pain.
God. What a mess. What a fucking mess.

Throttle opened Kiwi's door. Ruby had told him that shortly after Vinnie got home, Kiwi came back into the house really upset, screaming something about the white furred mouse, what, she had no idea, and after that, she had run to her room. Throttle had decided to talk to the upset human girl, because he had the feeling she needed him. He walked into her room and saw her lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Her head turned his way when he came in and their eyes locked for a moment.
Oh man…
He sat down next to her on the bed and ruffled lovingly through her hair.
"Nobody said loving him would be easy", he simply said.
Kiwi let out a humorless laugh.
"That's a understatement."
"I never got the chance to thank you, babe. You saved my life, that day in the forest. You made it possible for me to talk to Carbine. I owe you, big time. Thank you."
His husky voice. The calm he radiated. Kiwi closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying this moment. She had needed this so badly. When everything was threatening to fall apart, in the middle of chaos, there was Throttle. Calm. Wise. She looked up at him.
"I would do it again, without thinking."
"How did you know? I mean, that I needed her so badly?", he suddenly asked, a little hesitant.
"I dunno… just a feeling, I guess… I started the project weeks ago, because I saw in your eyes how much you missed her. Sure, the letters helped, but it just wasn't enough. I figured, when I saw you lying in that bed, kinda… helpless, kinda lost… Only one person could guide you back."
The tan furred mouse gently took her hand.
"You were right. It was exactly what I needed. To find back strength. Thank you.'
"No problem. At least I was able to make somebody happy…"
"You know anger is safer than letting in pain, right?"
Kiwi let out her breath.
"Yeah… I know… Jesus, Throttle, you didn't see him that day, that horrible day… It's haunting me. The look in his eyes is following me everywhere… No matter if I'm awake or asleep..."
A tear escaped her left eye.
"Everybody here is completely lost without you… I mean, no pressure, but I've seen it. I've felt it. We all need you. So badly…"
"But somehow, everybody seems to forget I also need all of you... ", he whispered. His grip around her hands tightened.
"We need each other. We're a family. As long as we got each other, we can survive everything…"
Kiwi smiled sadly.
"Guess you're right. So, we just need to stick together, right?"
"Right. Even if someone is pushing you away in anger, because he's just scared to let in the pain. He needs you, Kiwi. Even if he's pretending to be better off alone…"
"God, he really is a piece of work… But then again, aren't we all? I also pushed Ruby away because I couldn't handle Vinnie's rejection. Dammit. What a mess…"
"You said it, babe. But trust me, everything's gonna be okay…"
A huge relief warmed up Kiwi's body. She had waited for weeks to hear him say these words. She had needed that so badly.
"Words cannot describe how happy I am you're back, Throttle. Really… Without you, everything just falls apart."
Throttle smiled.
"The perks of being a leader, right? Go to sleep, Kiwi. You look like you need it."
Kiwi yawned as answer, her eyes were already closing.
"Thanks, Throttle… for being there for me. For us… I love you. You're the big brother I never had..", she whispered.
Throttle gently pulled the blanket over her and tucked her in.
"And you gave me back a sister who I also love… Sweet dreams…"
Kiwi snuggled against her pillow and after a deep sigh, she was out like a light.
"I'll do everything to protect you…", Throttle whispered and after one more look at the human girl, he rose on his feet and left the room, quiet as a mouse.

Right side.
Left side.
Belly.
Back.

Argh!

No matter what position he tried, his body still hurted like hell.
Vinnie stared at the ceiling, trying to keep his breathing calm and shallow. But that was hard. He was still the opposite of calm. The whole night, he had been twisting and turning, sleeping for short moments, but waking up the moment he moved a muscle. These guys sure had him good, alright. He didn't like to admit it, but the pain in his body was a constant, painful reminder of his failure.
Vinnie pulled the blanket over his head with a growl, curling himself up. He felt sick. As if he had a fever, or something. His whole body was glowing, he had this weird headache and his muscles didn't stop shaking. Bring the broken ribs and bruises into the mix and you got the perfect picture of a miserable feeling mouse.
Ugh.
The anger, that had completely overruled him yesterday, was still simmering under the surface. His left eye was still twitching and he was surprised he even got any teeth left. Jesus, what was wrong with him? Was this how it felt to go completely loco? Why couldn't he just move on with his life, being the happy note he always was? Sure, he carried a lot of shit with him, and some things fucked him up more than the other, but at least he was able to live his life in joy most of the time. He hardly recognized himself. There was only a shadow left from the mouse he once was, that's how it felt at least.
He squeezed his eyes, clenching his teeth. A sharp pain jolted through his jaw. But everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Throttle. Lying on the ground in that horrible forest.
Dead.
His eyes flew open. Dammit, since when was such a pussy? He was Vinnie van Wham, for fuck sake. Why was he hiding in bed, shivering as a small child that was scared of the dark? Throttle died, yes. But he came back. He was sleeping in the room next to him. He was fine. Completely fine. Then why wasn't he?
Weak.
He hated that word. He hated it even more than he hated cheese, and that was saying something. But he felt weak right now. And god, it was killing him. He hated himself for it. He hated it, that he completely lost himself yesterday. Well, he hated it even more that his bro's had witnessed it. He hated himself. Yeah, you heard it. Vinnie van Wham, the velocity atrocity, the baddest mamma jammer from this whole universe, the most good looking mouse ever, hated himself. Ugh. Look at him. Here he was, lying in bed, feeling sorry for himself. And he suddenly couldn't take it anymore.
He threw away the blanket and almost bounced outta bed, trying to ignore the pain in his body.

He grabbed his pants and put it on with shaking hands. He tried to do the same with his bandoliers, but his hands were shaking too bad. After a few attempts, he let out a scream in frustration and threw the bandoliers against the wall with a loud bang. They slid down and landed on the floor.
Okay, shoes. He put them on without too much trouble. He grabbed a black hoodie and pulled it over his head, a growl escaped his mouth because of the pain of his broken ribs. No need to show off right now. He somehow even felt naked with his clothes on. He strapped his holster around his leg and put his gun in it.
He threw the door open, not even trying to be silence for his bro's and marched to the kitchen door, the one that led to the garden. He tried to open it, but it was locked.
Dammit.
Since when was this door locked? The key was still in the lock and he tried to open it, but his hands… his goddamn hands weren't cooperating right now.
And that was the final push. His anger fired as a missile that exploded and without even thinking, he lifted his foot and kicked the door open. The glass shattered and the whole thing just flew out of its hinges and landed on the grass. But Vinnie hardly noticed. He just needed to… yeah, to do what, exactly?
Run.
He needed to run away from all this feelings that were whirling inside of him.

It's easier to run
Replacing this pain for something numb...

He stumbled outside. Where was his bike? Dammit, his bro's probably parked it in the garage. He whistled between his teeth. He heard her starting her engine and one of the garage doors exploded when she burst outside, somehow sensing how much her rider needed her. Vinnie stumbled further while his bike was driving towards him. Almost… He stretched his hand, but suddenly, something heavy jumped on his back and he fell on the ground. His chin landed on the grass and even though it was a soft subsurface, it still was enough to make the cut in his lip split open again. He tasted the blood, but he didn'tcare. The weight was still sitting on him, making every muscle scream in pain. But nothing was gonna stop him. He needed to get the hell away from here.

It's so much easier to go
Then face all this pain her all alone...

He wiggled to get loose, but dammit, it felt as if Modo was sitting on him…
"Jesus Vinnie, what the hell is wrong with you?!", he heard Modo's heavy voice rumbling.
Ah.
Vinnie clenched his teeth, trying to push himself up.
"Let. Me. Go.", he growled between clenched teeth, but Modo didn't move.
"No way. You stay right here", Modo growled back.
Vinnie's rage fired again, and his tail snaked around Modo's throat. He gave a firm jerk and forced Modo to fall backwards. And suddenly, he was free again.
He scrambled back on his feet and tried to run to his bike, but a metal hand grabbed his right ankle in a iron grip and again, he landed on his belly.
"LET ME GO!", Vinnie screamed in pure rage now, kicking with his feet while trying to crawl to his bike.
But Modo grabbed him by the back of his pants, pulled him closer and pushed him against the ground.
"NO! No, no, no! I need to get outta here… GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"
"Vinnie, come on, calm down!", he heard Modo breathing, but it somehow sounded so far away.
The anger, the sorrow, the pain, the helplessness, it all became one, big wave of emotion and Vinnie felt it was about to flush him, to completely wash him away.
No…
He kicked, he struggled, he did everything he could, but Modo was stronger. And also angry.
"VINCENT!"
Throttle's voice.
Vinnie froze for a moment. But the panic immediately came back. The wave was coming. He needed to get the hell away from here.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!", he screamed, but it was too late. The wave arrived. And there it was.
Vinnie broke.
He stopped struggling and a scream of pain escaped his mouth. He hit with his fist on the grass, trying to breathe, but the wave completely suffocated him. He pushed himself up, leaning on his knees and hands, his head low, gasping for air.

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past...

He saw the image of himself, 16 years old, holding his mother in his arms while she was dying. Pure fear in her eyes, looking up at him. That moment when her soul left her body. How her always lively eyes became completely blank. Glassy. Empty.
The brutally mutilated body of his father lying behind him.

Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have

Tears filled his eyes. He tried to stop it, but it just wasn't his decision anymore.
The image changed, he saw himself looking at the mouse that had killed his parents. His hand stretched out, aiming a gun at his head. His finger pulling that trigger. Blood that splattered all over him.

Wounds so deep they never show

The war. Him fighting in the front line, seeing friends fall in the corners of his eyes, but there was no time to stop, no time to think, no time to process...
"No…"

They never go away...

That horrible lab. That horrible giggle. The needles. The big scalpel.
"No, no, no, no…"

Like moving pictures in my head

Harley. Her beautiful blue eyes, filled with love and compassion when she helped him with his wounds. The same eyes, filled with pure agony when she realized what was happening when Mace grabbed her.

For years and years they've played...

Vinnie punched his fist against the floor again. And again. He was still trying to breathe, but he hardly could.
Throttle's lifeless body on the floor. That moment of pure darkness.

If I could change I would take back the pain I would...

The pain overwhelmed him and he squeezed his eyes, clenching his teeth with so much strength, his jaw immediately cramped. Tears escaped between his lashes.
"Vinnie..."
The voice of a angel.
Her scent filled his nose.
He felt her hand touching his arm.
Suddenly, her warm arms around him, pulling him into a tight hug.
All the pain.
All the sorrow.
The losses.
He clung onto her, wrapping his arms around her and burying his nose in her hair. His body shook with crying, his tears were a constant stream instead of drops, he weaved his fingers into her soft hair… She just held him, rubbing his back, looking at Throttle and Modo with eyes wide in shock. Throttle gave her a reassuring smile. Sometimes, things needed to become a whole lot worse before they could get better. But still…
Seeing Vinnie this broken, jesus… It was a lot to take in.
By the looks of things, Throttle's almost death was the final push. The last drop that made the bucket, that was already full, flood over.

Ruby suddenly came running outside.
"What the hell is going on here, I heard so much noise and… oh….", she trailed off, looking at the devastated white furred mouse in Kiwi's arms. She looked around her, noticing the destruction.
"Right. Does he need something to calm down?", she asked, already turning around to run back inside to grab her bag with supplies, but Kiwi stopped her.
"No. No, no matter how hard this is, he needs to let it out. If we sedate him now, this was all for nothing…"
"She's right… He needs to learn this isn't gonna kill him", Throttle agreed. Modo also nodded.
"Okay. Okay."
Ruby took a few deep breaths to calm her nerves. Modo wrapped a arm around her and pulled her against him.

Vinnie slowly felt he could breathe again. His lungs filled themselves with precious air. The pain in his chest started to fade. He opened his eyes and grabbed Kiwi's head. He looked at her, at her beautiful blue eyes, filled with shock and sadness. He pressed his forehead against hers, still breathing heavily. Tears were still dripping out of his eyes and he breathed in sharply before pressing his lips against hers. He kissed her roughly and Kiwi kissed him back. She could taste his blood that was still coming out the cut in his lower lip, but she didn't care. All that mattered now, was him and her.
She broke off the kiss, cupping his head.
"Sssshh… It's okay. I'm here, with you, beside you. To guard you and to guide you…"
Vinnie slowly calmed down. His breathing relaxed. His muscles too.
But shame came along.

I would take all the shame to the grave...

Jesus.
What the fuck.
He felt a blush appearing on his cheeks and he suddenly didn't dare to look at Kiwi anymore. But Kiwi lifted his head.
"Oh Vinnie… Who am I to judge you? I would never judge you…"
Vinnie gave her a shy smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. He felt guilty. He was ashamed that he lost his shit like that. Fucking hell, it even scared the shit outta himself. He slowly untangled himself from Kiwi, and after taking a deep breath, he looked up at Throttle, who kneeled down next to him.
Vinnie grabbed his arm and cleared his throat. He could only hope his voice was gonna cooperate.
"Bro… I… " His voice worked, although a little hoarse. It were the words that didn't came.
Throttle lay a hand on his shoulder.
"It's okay, Vin. I know. But I'm still here, you know. You can't get rid of me that easily…", he smiled.
Vinnie pulled on his bandana, clearly not at ease.
"You better stay for a little while longer, bro... ", he eventually said.
Then, he took a deep breath. Things were already fucked up. Nothing could make this any worse. So he just said it.
"I need you. I can't do all this on my own. I'm not ready to walk alone, yet…"
God, this was humiliating. But it somehow felt good to say it out loud at the same time.
"You don't have too. I'm here."
Vinnie nodded, and suddenly the pain in his body was back.
"Ah man, I feel like I've been run over by a train…", he moaned, holding his side.
Throttle rose on his feet.
"Come, let's get you inside. I think we can all use some breakfast…"
He helped Vinnie up, who was wobbling on his feet, and supported him inside. The rest followed, still a little upset because of all this.

When they were inside the kitchen, Ruby took a good look at Vinnie and her eyes grew big.
"Jesus, you're one walking bruise instead of a bouncing ball", she said, coming closer to him.
Vinnie scrambled backwards, not sure what she was up to.
She raised her hands and held them in front of her.
"Easy, now, macho mouse. I'm not gonna hurt you. But let me just check on you, okay?"
Vinnie glared at her, but then relaxed a little.
"Okay, fine…"
She slowly came closer, keeping a close eye on the white furred mouse. But he was completely empty. This whole thing had completely drained him out. She softly lay her hands against his side and he breathed in sharply and he backed away. But Ruby grabbed him his hoodie and pulled him back, a strict look on her face. She quickly examined him and Vinnie let her. He was too tired to feel anything else than pain, shame and fatigue.
"Broken ribs and a whole lot of bruises. But no sign of internal bleedings. No difficulty with breathing?"
"No… Not anymore…"
"Good. You'll be fine. That cut in your lip is deep, but it will heal without stitches. Maybe you want to take some painkillers though, but that's up to you."
"Maybe that isn't such a bad idea, doc…", Vinnie sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. Kiwi hurried upstairs to grab the aspirin.
Ruby started to prepare breakfast and Modo and Throttle also sat down. Vinnie was staring at the table, shuffling his feet, feeling all uncomfortable. Kiwi came back and gave him the bottle of pills. He took two of them and washed them away with root beer. They soon did the job and the pain in his body slowly faded till it was bearable. They ate breakfast in silence, clearly enjoying the pancakes Ruby had made.
When everybody was done, Throttle looked around the table.
"Alright, people. The last few weeks has been hard for all of us. But I think you all agree with me when I say; we made it. And from now on, things can only get better. As long as we stick together, right?"
Everybody nodded and Throttle lay his hand on the table. They all lay their hand on his.
"Lemme tell y'all something; In this wild and wicked universe of ours, there's only three things you can count on. Your brains… Your bike… And your family…", Throttle smiled at them.
"And don't forget to mention my studly bud and awesome skills…", Vinnie added with a smirk on his face.
Everybody stared at him for a moment, but then burst out into laughter.
Yep. He was back. They all were.
And they all knew, this war was far from over. More difficult times were on the horizon. But as long as they had each other, they could survive everything.

So… pfew. Definitely a tense chapter. And this goes to show ya, it really is important to have good friends or a loving family.

Sorry, not that much about Modo and Ruby, but no worries, they will get their shot in the spotlight soon. But this needed to happen first, before they all could move on.

I would appreciate it if you could take a moment to review.
Until next time, you mamma jammers!

Later!

PS: Right. Disclaimers. I used a few lines of "Easier to Run" from Linkin Park. They own these beautiful words, not me.