A/N: SM owns the characters, just the story is mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Thanks to Karmabalance and JaspersBella for pre-reading.
"Come on," he said, dropping my hand and taking a step back. It was a silent signal between the two of us that our good bye was over. We were over. "Let's go inside."
I took a deep breath and steeled my strength, putting on my bravest face, and followed Jasper in to the house.
Such Great Heights
Chapter 35
Jasper entered the house through the kitchen and walked through it into the living room, taking a seat on the far end of the couch. I, however, stopped in the kitchen. I opened the freezer and eyed the shelf on the inside of the door, currently lined with Jager, Jack Daniels, and Malibu. I knew the fridge had more Mike's Lemonade and two bottles of St Ides Special Brew.
Swallowing hard, I took the Jager out first and twisted it open. I had already poured half of the bottle down the sink when Alice entered the kitchen.
"Can you stop?" she asked in a calm, kind-sounding voice.
"No," I said shortly, still pouring. "I have to do this."
She didn't understand, and furrowed her brow at me, looking at me like I was crazy. The thing was, I was emptying this bottle for the same reason that I had thrown the Mike's outside. I was numb at the moment, but I wasn't sure how long that would last. I didn't trust myself not to want it, so ridding the house of temptation seemed like a really good plan.
When the bottle was empty, I set it on the counter and turned toward the freezer to get the next one, but Alice blocked my path. She put her hand over mine and I paused, keeping my eyes trained on the floor.
"Will you please just come in the living room and talk to me? You can come back and finish this when you're done."
I agreed with a sigh. After all, I'd been wanting her to talk to me for weeks. It was obviously too late now, but if nothing else, it would be nice to know why things went wrong.
I followed her into my living room, where Jasper was already sitting on the far end of the couch, nearest the front door. I let myself look at him for just a second, then returned my gaze to the floor. It pained me too much to see the hurt that was so clearly written all over his face. I knew that it wasn't only my doing, but I'd had a part in it, and to me, causing him any hurt was shameful.
Alice sat down in the center of the couch, leaving the last seat for me. I didn't take it, though, instead opting for the arm of the couch, facing out toward the TV. I was deep in self-preservation mode at this point, and staying aloof was a big part of that. What I really wanted right now was for someone to hold me and let me cry. But that was not an option, so I sat there with my arms crossed, holding my emotions tightly inside, waiting for Alice to begin.
"Bella, can you please sit by me?"
"I am," I replied curtly. I was close enough.
She patted the couch cushion beside her. "Sit down here. Please."
I sighed and moved down onto the cushion as she had asked, but kept my posture tight. I didn't turn toward her either.
"I know you're upset with me..." she started.
I quickly interrupted. "I'm not. I told you before, if you wanted out, just to say so. You said so. I'm out. That's it." I was curt and emotionless, but I had to be. If she wanted to explain her reasons, I would listen, but I didn't need apologies.
"Baby, please listen to me," she said, reaching out and putting a hand on each of my arms, pulling me down so that my head rested in her lap. I didn't fight her, but I still held my body tight. I was so confused. She called me baby and was holding me. Why? Was this pity? I didn't want pity.
She started to speak again as her fingers began to comb through my hair. If Jasper and I both didn't look like someone had just run over our pet bunny, the scene would have been reminiscent of the last time they'd visited my house. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the ninety minutes that we'd spent watching Office Space on this very couch was exactly when everything changed for us. That's when I fell in love. It seemed fitting, I suppose, to end things now in the same place.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. Please... I don't know what got into me; I didn't know what I was saying. Please forgive me."
Finally allowing myself to take the risk of looking at her, I turned my face toward Alice, looking at her with utter shock. "What?" I asked, confused, looking back and forth between her and Jasper, who looked just as bewildered as I did. I was pretty much certain that Alice was the only one on the couch who had any idea what she was trying to say.
"I don't want to lose you. Neither of us do, I'm sure," she added, looking at Jasper for confirmation. He stared at her as if she had grown moose antlers.
"What?" I repeated.
"Please forgive me, guys," she said, speaking to both of us now. She reached under my arms, pulling me further up the couch toward her so that now my head rested against her chest. Then she reached for Jasper, stroking his cheek. "Please. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."
Without even waiting for a response, Alice tilted her face down and covered my lips with hers. I was too surprised to protest, and, just as it always had, the feel of Alice's soft lips proved too difficult to resist. Her kiss was tender and sweet, yet desperate at the same time, as if she were still pleading with me.
Her words spun through my head in rapid swirls as she kissed me: "I want a divorce" and "I didn't meant it" and "Please forgive me." My thoughts flew through my brain just as rapidly, intermingling with her words. Was it possible? Had she just reacted in a moment of jealousy? We'd broken the rules, after all, whether we'd had permission or not. Maybe she thought that she could handle it, but couldn't once it was happening in front of her eyes. Was there still a chance to make us work?
She began to pull back from the kiss, and just as I was about to start panicking that she was already changing her mind again, Alice whispered "Please," and Jasper's lips joined ours. It was the third time we'd done this, and it was no less amazing a moment as it had been either of the first two times. I reached up and placed my hand on Jasper's cheek beside Alice's.
Tears fell from my eyes as the three of us continued to kiss. I didn't understand, but I didn't care. Not now, anyway. There would be plenty of time to talk later, to explain. And we would talk – no matter how much Alice preferred to keep her thoughts to herself, I wouldn't let her this time. Talking was the only way we were ever going to make us work.
But right now, nothing mattered except finding us again. And Alice seemed to think that we could be found in my bedroom, because when she pulled back from the kiss and rose from the couch, holding one of my hands and one of Jasper's, that was where she was leading us.
We made our way down the hall in a tangled mess of arms and legs and lips, kissing and holding on to each other, as if all three of us feared that a loss of contact would break whatever spell we were under.
Alice reached the bed first, and Jasper and I worked together to remove her clothes as we kissed either side of her neck. She held onto us – a hand around my waist and one on the back of Jasper's neck – as if her life depending on keeping us close to her. In some ways, that description didn't seem entirely inaccurate.
My fingers roamed her bare chest and shoulders, just barely grazing her skin, exploring her, verifying, with each touch, that she was real, that I wasn't just dreaming all of this.
She came back to us. She's here. We're here.
The words echoed in my head, silently repeated over and over like a chant. Maybe I was reveling in the truth of the words, maybe I was just trying to convince myself. I couldn't be sure.
It was through an unspoken agreement that Jasper and I had yet to touch each other, other than during the shared kiss. While we'd been together just over an hour earlier and he was only inches from me, I still ached for his touch, and to touch him. Since we'd left the couch, though, both of us focused all of our attention on Alice. It was better that way. We both seemed to understand that she needed it. Really, I think we needed it just as much though.
Stay with us, Ali.
My open mouth ghosted over her jawline, teasing her with my hot breath, whispering her name every time I reached her ear. Alice's head had fallen back against the pillows as her back arched, pushing her chest into Jasper's touch as his fingers circled one nipple and his tongue teased the other. It was so unexpected and unplanned when our fingers brushed each other over the outer curve of Alice's breast that we both jumped a bit. It was enough to draw her attention, and I couldn't help but panic for a second when she lifted her head to look at us.
"Jasper," she breathed. He immediately leaned in close to her, his expression worried. "Kiss her," she urged.
Had I not been so relieved that it wasn't bad news, I probably would have laughed at the expression on his face. He looked back and forth between us, wondering, I'm sure, if it was some sort of trick. It wasn't hard for me to understand. I wanted him to kiss me, was desperate for him to do so, really. Seeing him like this, the way his lips and tongue had teased Alice and made her squirm, was always intoxicating, always arousing. But it was more than that; our last kiss had been a kiss goodbye. I needed him to replace that memory. I was terrified. though, just like I knew he was, that a kiss between us would cause this house of cards to fall down around us.
Please, Ali, please mean it. Please don't change your mind.
"Please, baby," she pleaded. "I need to see you kiss her. I love watching your lips on hers."
He turned to me, smiling tentatively, asking my permission with his eyes. Hoping that it was the right choice, I leaned toward him. We met in the middle, our lips connecting right in front of Alice's eyes. The kiss was soft, our lips barely grazing each other before I heard Alice's light gasp.
"More," she urged, her voice low and raspy.
I knew that tone. It gave me confidence. Tilting my head to the side, I let my jaw fall open, then dragged my lips across his skin, engulfing his full lower lip between my teeth first, holding it for a second before releasing it to my lips. I left one hand on Alice's shoulder, but brought the other around to Jasper's, following the line of his muscles up to his neck until the tips of my fingers found his hair.
Jasper... Oh dear lord, I never thought I'd be here again.
I moaned into Jasper's mouth as his tongue passed between my lips at the same moment that Alice's cool hand slipped under the hem of my shirt. Her teeth caught the fleshy part of my ear with a quick nip, and she let her hand rise with agonizing slowness up my abs and between my breasts.
Letting go of my ear, she began to whisper directly into it. "That's right, baby... Kiss him good. It's so sexy to see you respond to him... The way your chest rises and falls so heavily... God yes..."
Our Alice is back.
This time I really believed it when the thought crossed through my mind.
I kissed him harder, not stopping until I ran out of breath, then pulled away just long enough to take a huge gulp of air, and then attack Alice's lips with mine. I kissed her with a fierceness I'd never shown her; wanting her, needing her, but even more than that, desperately trying to prove to her how much I wanted and needed her.
How did we get here?
Jasper undressed me and himself as I used my dominant position over Alice to push her back against the bed, positioning myself over her as Jasper pulled my jeans off over my feet. I used my teeth to make a trail down the side of her neck until I reached her collarbone as her hands traced the curves along my sides.
We're here. It doesn't matter how or why.
When I dipped my head down to follow the swell of her breast with my tongue, Jasper leaned over me, his hot, muscular chest pressing against my back, forcing my breasts to flatten against Alice's stomach, and kissed her. I brought my tongue up to her nipple, flicking it and swirling my tongue around it before I sucked it between my lips. I could feel Jasper's hardness against my leg, rubbing slowly on my thigh as he tilted his head to the opposite side and stretched further forward, his lips still connected with his wife's.
Jasper finally rose away from Alice and sat up on his knees, scooping his hands under me and pulling me up with him, my breasts cupped in his hands. My back arched as I leaned back with him, my head coming to rest on his shoulder. I teased his neck with my tongue as he tweaked my nipples and gently massaged my breasts, and then let out a strangled moan when Alice's fingers started tracing the line of my slit.
This is more than I ever dreamed I'd have.
"There's something I want to try," Jasper said gruffly as I shivered in his arms from Alice's touch.
Reaching behind myself with one hand, I stroked the nape of his neck with my fingertips. "Oh...fuck...god...anything," I panted after having been surprised by Alice's fingers entering me at the same moment as her lips closed over my nipple. My light touch on Jasper's neck quickly turned to clawing his flesh with my nails, trying to hold myself down while being completely overwhelmed with sensations.
Jasper explained his idea, which I agreed sounded like a good one. Alice liked it too, but she gave Jasper a devilish look as she slipped another finger into me. "Let me finish here first," she said in a breathy voice. "Help me."
This is really happening.
Had I been able to catch my breath at all, I would have told Jasper that he wouldn't have to wait long; the tension building in my belly was already nearing my breaking point. Jasper pressed his hips into me, letting his hardness rub against the small of my back as his hand slipped down between Ali and I, sliding over my heated skin until he found my clit and started rubbing it in quick circles. With a string of vowel sounds whispered in a breathy moan, I fisted my free hand in Alice's hair, holding it tight as I struggled to hold on.
Jaspers hands... I haven't lost his touch. He's here.
Pumping her fingers faster, Alice let go of my nipple and rose up and pressed her body against mine, sliding against me as she rose to her knees, bringing us face to face. She pressed her lips to mine, giving me a hot, passionate kiss before pulling away and kissing her way over to my ear.
"Are you going to come for me, Bella?" she whispered, her hot breath on my ear raising the hair on my arms. "I want to hear you, baby. Show me how much you like it when my fingers are inside you."
I like it, Alice. I'm so happy when you're near me. All I want is you both here with me.
I was whimpering and begging by this time, my sounds muffled by Jasper's skin as I buried my face in his neck. His fingers moved faster, hers pumped harder, and I finally reached the point where I could take no more.
Hold me, Jas... Don't let go.
Had Jasper not been supporting my body with one arm still, I probably would have collapsed on the bed. Instead, I bucked and writhed against him, crying out with a high-pitched keening sound that was nothing like any other noise I'd ever heard myself make.
"That's right, baby," Alice encouraged. "Come all over my fingers."
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
By the time my body was done convulsing, I fell limp against Jasper's chest, panting heavily. Alice let her fingers slide out of me, and then, with a sultry look, she reached up and slipped them into Jasper's mouth. With a low groan, I watched as he sucked all of me off of her, and then licked his lips after she pulled her hand away.
"Now," he commanded in a gravely voice, "Lay down, Alice."
Instantly wet all over again just from the sound of his voice, I reached up and put my hands on Alice's shoulders, pushing her back toward the mattress, and lowered myself over her, getting into the position that Jas had described for us a few minutes before.
Don't leave us, Ali.
In seconds, Alice was laying flat on her back and I was above her, my body pressed against hers so that our clits were perfectly aligned. My hands wound around her neck, supporting her head as I kissed her. I could feel the bed move under us as Jasper approached, and the soft hair on his thighs tickled the back of my legs as he lined himself up behind me.
I held my breath, biting my lip when Alice gasped as Jasper slid into her. His groin pressed against my ass, nudging me forward and forcing my clit to rub against hers, as he filled her completely. It was such a highly erotic moment, especially when all three of our voices filled the silence simultaneously.
Everything's going to be ok.
Jasper held my hips, moving me with him as he thrusted, moving himself in and out of Alice and me back and forth against her. I kissed her everywhere that I could reach: her lips, cheeks, neck, shoulders... I ignored no part of her, thanking her, with each kiss, for bringing us back to this place.
We aren't lost. We're here. We're together.
As the minutes passed, it became clear that Alice was getting close. She had grabbed onto my hair and pulled it tightly each time I rubbed against her with the force of Jasper's thrusts. Each tug was punctuated further by Jasper's fingers kneading my hips, his callouses scratchy against my skin. My hardened nipples brushed against Alice's over and over, and the friction between them was delicious.
"Uh...Harder, Jasper!" Alice demanded just before she bit down on my shoulder.
"Fuck!" I moaned; the bite hurt, but felt good at the same time.
Pain with my pleasure? Yeah... Kind of a theme here.
Jasper grunted and groaned behind me as his movements began to lose rhythm. His right hand left my hip, and before I knew what to expect, came down with a sharp sting on the fleshy curve of my ass. I felt the vibrations leave his hand and reverberate through my muscles as I moaned, long and low, into Alice's ear.
"Oh fuck, Jasper," she groaned right along with me. "You like it rough tonight, don't you, Bella baby?"
"God, I just... Fuck... I want... Oh god..." I made no sense. I couldn't remember sense; just pleasure; lust; want.
I want us. I want us so badly.
Jasper's left hand, still on my hip, began to shake, and his thrusts sped up as they became even more erratic in rhythm and strength. I held Alice tightly, my nails digging into her skin as I struggled to stay still enough to let them finish.
"Now, baby; now!" Alice cried in her trademark quivering voice.
She began to buck under me, making us rub together without restraint, and I couldn't hold out any more. I held onto her, letting our bodies move together as we lost all conscious control. Jasper's growly groan came only seconds later, and he squeezed me tight as he came inside of Alice.
When it was all over, I fell limp against Alice and Jasper leaned down over my back, wrapping his arms around us both.
We made it. We're us again.
A few hours later, I lay in Jasper's arms, my head tucked into the crook of his arms in the spot I had claimed as my own, in the darkness of my bedroom as Iron and Wine played softly from my macbook on the nightstand. Alice was on his other side, our fingers laced together over his bare chest.
I'd closed my eyes at the same time as they had and tried to sleep, but despite my physical exhaustion, I could not get my mind to rest. Over and over again, I relived the night in my mind, trying to find a way to reconcile the events that had taken place over a period of only one hundred and eighty minutes. So far, I had no explanation, and I was pretty sure that the only one who did was Alice.
We had to talk. I'd allowed us to skip the conversation earlier because I was so overwhelmed by her kisses and pleas that I couldn't think straight. But now that thinking was all I was doing, I knew that we couldn't move on without a conversation. If we tried, there was no question that we'd end up back in the same place again, and I couldn't take it. I couldn't say good bye to Jasper again; the look in his eyes when his heart ached was more than I could stand. Alice had pushed us away, then pulled us back in, and I had no idea what motivated either action. I needed to know. How could we keep from making the same mistakes over and over if we didn't know what the mistakes were?
I was resolved on this issue. If the three of us woke up in the morning and the decision was that we would move on together, rather than apart, then communication was going to occur, whether Alice wanted to talk or not. I wasn't willing to be a part of this otherwise.
Stroking Alice's knuckles with my fingertips, I silently begged her to talk to me. To us. I nuzzled my face further into Jasper's shoulder and pulled myself closer to him, breathing in his scent and letting it lull me into a state of relaxation. The Whitlocks had become much too important in my life now; I drifted off, praying that I would not lose them.
I opened my eyes later with sun streaming in through the curtains. I was still curled into Jasper, but Alice had turned away from him and my hand, clearly not wanting to lose the connection with her even in sleep, rested on her hip. I yawned into Jasper's chest as I tried to stretch without waking him.
"Good morning sweetheart," he said softly.
I turned my face so that I could see him, and smiled. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"Was already up," he replied, smiling back at me. "Did you know that you snore a little? And talk in your sleep?"
I'm sure my face went white with horror as I wished for some alternate dimension to open up a wormhole in my bedroom and suck me into it. I mean, really, how many ways could I find to humiliate myself in front on him?
He squeezed my arm with the hand that was still around me and laughed softly. "Don't be embarrassed. It's cute." Yeah, snoring is cute. Mmhmm. And I'm a freaking vampire. "Calm down, Bella. You look like you're going to have a stroke. In another five seconds, I'll have to give you mouth to mouth."
I raised a brow at his words. Mouth to mouth sounded pretty good, actually. Realizing where my thoughts had gone, Jasper just smiled. "Come here," he encouraged, pressing against my elbow.
I used my toes to push me up the bed toward him, and our lips met in a soft kiss. We pulled apart and I rested my forehead against his, smiling.
"Good morning," Alice said as she rolled over to face us again, reaching out to cover the place where Jasper's hand and mine were joined. We both greeted her, and she gave us both a gentle kiss.
We're us. We're still us.
Every morning should start like this.
Giving Jasper and Alice a chance to talk in private, I slipped out of bed and pulled on some clothes, then made my way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. I was flipping the French Toast for the final time when Alice's thin arms wrapped around my waist and her chin came to rest on my shoulder. I turned my head enough to give her cheek a little kiss, and then smiled as I used my spatula to place breakfast on plates.
"I'm sorry, Bella," she said softly as I turned off my electric skillet. "Please believe me."
I reached down and took her hands in mine, then turned in her arms so that I was facing her. "Tell me the truth, Ali," I said, looking into her eyes with all the sincerity I possessed. "Do you want to be with me?"
She nodded. "I do, Bella. I want you to be with us."
Letting go of her hands, I reached up to cup her cheeks and kissed her lips tenderly. "I want to be with you and Jasper, Ali. I want to make us work. But I need you to talk to me. We can't keep throwing eggs at each other like this."
Alice giggled. "I really went all out last night, didn't I? Those were practically Easter eggs."
I nodded, laughing with her to relieve the tension. "Seriously, though, Ali," I said. "We need to talk about why last night happened."
"Can we do it later?" she asked. "I promise we will. But I have a lot to talk about with Jasper, and I already ruined yesterday for us. We only have an hour left. Can we just be happy for an hour?"
Her eyes pleaded with me, but I still wavered on the decision. It wasn't until I caught Jasper's eye as he walked into the room – he looked so hopeful when he saw me with his wife in my arms – that I made my decision.
"Let's just be happy this morning," I agreed, smiling. "Jas, baby, will you get the juice out of the fridge?"
"I will," he replied. "Right after I give my girls a hug."
Alice and I giggled as he wrapped his arms around both of us at once and lifted us into the air. We both leaned in and pressed a kiss against the cheek of his that we were closest too, and then gave one to each other. As he set us back down on the ground, I learned into him and pulled Ali closer to me.
We're us again. And everything is going to be ok.
A/N: I'm guessing your heads are spinning by now. You could probably tell from the internal monologue that Bella's is too. The conversation is going to happen, I promise. Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.
Until next time. You know...