DISCLAIMER: I base my stories on Intellectual Property (IP) owned by BioWare ™ and EA™. I pretend to live in their world.

SPOILERS: I refer to information from the games, the novels and the comics. If you have not played or read, please beware.

CHAPTER 35: THE TREACLE SWAMP

9:30 Dragon Solace === Dragon's Lair

"A mouse could march through a treacle swamp faster than that man thinks through a problem. In this case, a problem which does not exist," Morrigan snapped. "He is alive. He retrieved the Ashes for his Arl. What is there to think about? Why is it so terrible that Mel took more than a pinch? Has he noticed the Blight? Has it occurred to him he needs all of us? His dithering and complaining only hurt Mel and accomplish nothing."

Liam turned away to hide his smile at Morrigan's predictable exasperation, as well as her colorful description of Alistair slogging through a swamp filled with the sweet syrup Fereldans imported from Rivain.[1] He coughed to cover his chuckle at the image of Alistair covered in treacle, like a fried breakfast cake. His smile faded as he conceded to himself that his friend had begun to annoy him too. He didn't understand Alistair's anger either. Unlike Morrigan, he did know it came from something more than the Ashes.

"Quite an image, 'Rigan.

"Perhaps his concussion has not healed as well as you think."

Liam turned back. "Perhaps." Or perhaps he doesn't understand why he's so angry? That would explain the confusion which sometimes seems to drown the anger

The two stood just beyond the start of the path to the cave where they had set up camp. Neither heard the warrior approach.

"You're right, I should stay quiet until Mel and I talk." It's not like I can explain what bothers me. I don't even understand it…how do you believe there's another world in the stars?"

Morrigan and Liam turned to find Alistair standing a few feet away. He smiled and briefly raised his eyebrows. "Seems I've developed stealth."

"Hmmph!" Morrigan tossed her head. "You're wearing soft leather shoes and no armor. Even a bronto could be quiet in such garb on a hard stone path."

"You're comparing me to a bronto?" He placed his hand on his heart. "You wound me, Morrigan. I may relapse."

Morrigan rolled her eyes.

"Ah, the lovely witch is right, Alistair. Put one piece of metal on you and you will rattle like Bodahn's cart." Zevran stepped out from behind the warrior causing Morrigan to cover up her surprise with a wave of her hand. Zevran chuckled. "I, on the other hand, can disappear into the wind and reappear from the shadows."

Liam stood behind Morrigan grinning. Alistair looked normal. No flushed cheeks, no leaning on Zevran or the cliff face for support and not out of breath. I think it's time to suggest we move on. He caught Zevran's eye. The elf nodded.

"Alistair, should we discuss next steps?" Liam asked, trying to divert the witch and the warrior from further exchanges.

"Beyond leaving for Havenmouth in the morning, no," Alistair replied, shifting his attention to his fellow warden. "We can do that as we walk. We'll have at least a day, probably more in Havenmouth and then on the ship. No need to spend more time here."

Morrigan tilted her head giving him a sidelong glance. "A sensible suggestion."

Alistair smirked. "Sorry to disappoint, Morrigan. I do that sometimes."

She sniffed and swept past him and up the path to the camp. The three men turned to watch her.

"Something I said?" Alistair quipped. He turned back to Liam. "Seriously, Liam, I'd like to leave in the morning. I've managed to walk farther each day. I had no trouble climbing to the temple entrance. I may not be ready to don plate, but I'm sure I can make it to Haven in my leathers. It's all downhill to Havenmouth on the following day. From there we're on a ship and then Redcliffe. It's not exactly a strenuous forced march."

"I agree. I think you're ready. I also think you'll be surprised at how tired you get. You'll need to spar and work on your strength in Redcliffe. I suggest we don't move on from there until you're strong again."

"Right, 'cause there's no reason not to rest up. It's not like there's a Blight or anything." He started to climb up to the camp and then turned back. "Oh, wait…," he grinned. "aaand there it is. Enchanter Professor Liam Amell's I'll tolerate no more bullshit glare. Maker's Knees, Liam, you do it better than any brother I knew at the Peak." Laughing, Alistair walked up to the camp.

Zevran looked at Liam. "I think, amico, he is fine...physically."

"Because he's joking? Zevran, he was joking right after he woke up." Liam chuckled. "He is much better, though, I agree. How's his wind?"

"Fine. We walked all over the plateau, up the path to the other cliff, and then up to the Lair entrance. He was not short of breath."

Liam's shoulders relaxed. "In spite of the Ashes, I feared his lungs had been damaged, but it seems not. We'll leave in the morning for Haven. The sooner we get to Redcliffe, the sooner he and Mel can talk."

9:30 Dragon Solace === Havenmouth

The walk to Havenmouth passed uneventfully. The companions set up camp just outside of town again. In the morning Alistair and Zevran went to secure passage on the next available ship. Alistair found that the trade on Lake Calenhad had not diminished, despite darkspawn and civil war.

"It would seem, my friend, that the darkspawn raid farther to the south and the civil war rages farther east."

"So we should thank our farthers?"

Zevran's shoulders drooped. He didn't even roll his eyes. "Your silly jokes do not convince me, amico."

"I thought that one rather clever."

Zevran crossed his arms, tilted his head and stared.

"Fine. Fine! Not clever." He rubbed his hairline. "It's what I do when I'm angry or upset. Deflect, distract or divert. Good tactics."

"I am your enemy, that you must employ tactics against me?" Zevran slammed his hand against his chest. "You wound me, amico." He staggered back a few paces.

Alistair returned a closed lip smile. "I get it. Never kid a kidder."

Zevran, one arm bent across his waist, bowed slightly.

"Let's get back to camp. " Alistair chuckled as they walked out of the village. "The Arlessa will love all of us arriving just in time for supper tomorrow night." He held up his hands. "I know. I won't be with you. I'll be talking to Mel."

Zevran grinned. "You will forgive her?"

"No."

"No?" Zevran stopped, crossed his arms and stared. "Alistair, you are my friend, but Mel…I have known her a long time. I would not see her hurt."

Alistair stood still, breathing deeply and looking up into the trees. "I will talk with her, but I can't promise we will remain more than friends or companions. It's not just the Ashes she took, although I still don't agree with her. It's…other things, too. I'm not sure I know her as well as I thought I did."

"She's not a child anymore, Alistair, but neither are you." Zevran snapped.

"She's grown up," Alistair agreed. "She's been a mercenary, a merchant, she's seen her family attacked, her home devastated, her friends hurt or killed…neither of us are those naïve kids, but she's changed more than me, I think."

"And perhaps that is the problem?" Zevran moderated his tone slightly, hoping Alistair would listen. "You need to change more, amico."

"What? I'm the problem?" Alistair frowned. "I don't like change, that's true. Change usually means something bad."

"Never good?" Zevran remained motionless, arms crossed.

Alistair shrugged. "Sometimes good. Or less bad. Mostly just bad. But we're both different now. We rushed into being lovers. Maybe we're just meant to be friends. She was always practical, but emotional and impulsive too. Now she's calculating. What if she wants me to lead so she can influence me and everything we do? Maybe she doesn't care about me at all."

"That's not the Mel I know, Alistair. She may be less impulsive, but that is part of growing up, yes?" Zevran shook his head and began to walk away. Stopping, he said, without turning around, "She loves you. I did not think you stupid, but you're proving me wrong." He turned around and stared at the warrior, his look saying Alistair was proving bigger fool than Zev had thought possible.

Alistair chose to ignore it. He doesn't know about the other world, even if she has given him that camera. She's not even Thedosian. No wonder she always said Highever is different. "Let's get back and make sure everyone's ready to board tonight. The Shaman's Blessing leaves at first light."

The silence between them on the way back to camp was not companionable.

9:30 Dragon Solace === Redcliffe

The ship creaked and groaned, as wooden ships do even when at anchor. Alistair stretched out on the deck near the bow, the single mast of the cog towering above him. While under sail, most of the activity occurred aloft or in the stern on the elevated poop deck where the helmsman steered the ship. Now, a few turns of the glass before dawn, the ship was quiet. The rest of the company slept in their cabins. Alistair alone had chosen to spread his bedroll on the deck. Staring at the heavens, he watched the satellite move across the sky. As a boy, he had found it comforting, reminding him of better times with Lys. Now he stared at the alien device and felt only anger.

He rolled to his side, forcing himself to look away from the moving light. Areth was something he could not discuss with anyone. No one else knew Mel came from somewhere out among the stars. Who would believe it? Everyone knew other lands lay beyond Thedas across the Amaranthine Ocean and to the north and west, but no one would believe in lands amidst the stars. I wouldn't either, except for that steadily moving light. Liam's right, it's not just the Ashes, but I can't explain. It's Mel and what she represents coming from her other world. It's…creepier than Sten. Her confidence, her camera, her healing, her science…her knowledge. She shouldn't know all she does about the wardens. And I just have to take her word that her loyalties are to Ferelden. He looked satellite continued to track across the sky. He watched it, as he had for ten years, but it no longer brought comfort.

When the crew awoke and began to ready the ship for departure, he rolled up his sleeping mat and secured it to his pack. He expected Liam would join him after daybreak to discuss their plans after Redcliffe. His fellow warden seemed anxious to identify and agree on what would come next, as well as ensure he regained his strength. I just want to get through Redcliffe. See the Arl healed. Get his support. Move on. He rubbed his head. Who am I kidding? I'll need Liam's support to stand up to the Arl. If I'm not careful, he'll be telling us what to do, and that's something I'd like to avoid. We have the Nevarran wardens aiding us. We don't need Orlesians. And the Arl was at the Landsmeet – he should know Cailan and Duncan agreed to ask the Nevarrans for help.

The company arrived in Redcliffe as the sun set behind the Frostbacks across the lake. Leliana, Taina and Daveth stood on the dock to greet them.

"Warden Commander," Taina stepped forward, "glad you made it. We've been meeting every ship from Havenmouth. We need to talk before you go into town or up to the castle. Arl…well, Teagan is at the Chantry and wants to see you."

Alistair looked at the serious faces surrounding him. "Did the Ashes fail?"

"No. No, they didn't fail, Alistair," Leliana said softly, laying a hand on his arm. "The Arl, Arl Eamon that is, had already passed on when we arrived. He died less than a week after we left. With the demon gone, he failed quickly. Teagan is Arl now."

His hands ran through his hair, fingers catching in the tangles from the wind on the lake. It needs to be cut. I'll have Mel…no not Mel. He looked up to find the others waiting for his response. Dead? Eamon's dead? He let out a breath. That man overshadowed my entire life. Now he's gone? And I feel…nothing. Can't take that in all at once. He grabbed the hilt of his sword, as if for support, and straightened his shoulders. "Well, Liam and I better speak with Bann…Arl Teagan, then."

"We'll take everyone else up to the castle," Taina offered. "We have rooms, and supper will be ready."

"Zev, you, Kai and Jowan stay at the tavern with Mel, as we planned. I'll stop in after I meet with Teagan."

Zev nodded.

"Taina, go ahead with supper. Don't wait for us."

Liam and Alistair went to the Chantry. Zev, Kai and Jowan separated from the larger group by the tavern where Shale stood outside the door watching them. Shale had decided to remain under the old mine scaffolding, where she could shoot at pigeons with her new slingshot and remain somewhat sheltered from their bombing runs. Shale waved to Taina as the dwarf herded the rest of the group across the stream and up the hill.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Liam grasped Alistair's arm. "Are you alright?"

"No. I can't quite take it all in." Alistair stopped in the square. "Maker, how could we be too late?"

"You heard Taina. We couldn't have returned in less than a week, even if we had gone straight to Haven. We followed our plan and it made sense. Send our rogues to scout in Haven, decide on whether to go there, and then go and do what was necessary to get the Ashes."

"Let's see what Teagan has to say," Alistair squared his shoulders and strode towards the Chantry.

Inside, the signs of mourning still decorated the aisles and altar. A brother directed the two wardens to the Revered Mother's study where they found Teagan and Mother Hannah.

"Alistair." Teagan stood to greet the young warden.

"Teagan, I'm sorry-"

"If you're offering condolences, Alistair, I accept, but if you're apologizing for not returning before Eamon passed, I don't."

"…but-"

Teagan grasped both of Alistair's shoulders. "You did your best, but he could not be saved once the demon died. No one believes it could have ended differently."

Alistair's eyebrow raised. "No one?"

"Ahh…." Teagan exhaled. "No one that matters, Alistair. She may be upset again when you arrive, but I promise it will not last. She's stopped blaming your companions and resumed denouncing Teyrn Loghain and, surprisingly, Arl Howe. And Conner looks forward to seeing both of you." He nodded towards Liam.

Alistair just nodded, as Teagan dropped his hands.

"Now, the rebuilding is going well. Mel has been a wonder-"

"Mel? You met her?"

"I did, Alistair. Both Mother Hannah and I know who she is. She's safe here."

Mother Hannah noticed Liam's confused expression. "I knew her mother, Warden. During the Rebellion. She looks very much as her mother, Eleanor, did then.

"And I saw her only a few months ago, in Denerim," Teagan added. "She's safe here." He repeated. "No one else knows. And, unsurprisingly, she's Maker sent. Before you left for Haven, she organized the spinning and weaving efforts. Now we have cloth. We can make clothing for ourselves and we have product to trade. Since she returned, she's been helping again with the food supply and healing herbs." Teagan watched Alistair carefully for his reaction.

"Umm…I need to talk with her, Teagan; is she here?"

Revered Mother Hannah stepped forward. "She may be in the gardens, Alistair, with some of the children. She seemed to think we could save some of the vegetables or, at the least, gather seeds for next year. If she's not, she may have taken some of the older children out to gather plants and herbs for the healers. We…lost the sisters who knew about herbs and plants. Mel has been training a few of those who remain. It's been most helpful. She should return shortly. She won't keep the children from their supper."

Alistair's mouth twitched. "She's good at fixing things, Mother Hannah. I'm not surprised."

"We are grateful for everything your people have done to help us, Alistair." Mother Hannah smiled. "Why don't you go and bring her back here? I'll have supper brought in for you."

"Meanwhile, I'll check the infirmary," Liam said. "Teagan can come with me."

Alistair's eyes narrowed, and then he shrugged. "She told you, Teagan?"

"She simply said you'd had a disagreement, Alistair, and that she hoped you could discuss it."

"Right. Fine. I'll go find her."

"I'll show you-"

Alistair smiled at Mother Hannah and held up his hand. "Unless the kitchen gardens have moved, I know the way. I…um…spent time there digging potatoes."

Mother Hannah laughed. "Ah, I forgot you went to the Chantry school. Punishment?"

"Afraid so. I tended to chatter."

"There are worse sins, Alistair."

He grinned. "And worse punishments."

Alistair returned some time later shaking his head. "She's not there. They said she and Shep went off to look for elfroot while the daylight lasted, but they're not sure where. Apparently they harvested all the nearby sources. I guess I can join you all in the refectory? I'll go by the tavern later."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Mel climbed the stairs to her room by the light of the candles in sconces on the landing and hallway above. Shep had gone up ahead of her some time ago, but she had remained in the kitchen chatting with Bella and sorting the plants and herbs she had collected, leaving some for Bella to use. The tavern mistress had turned out to be a talented cook. More and more townsfolk now came to the tavern for her food. Mel enjoyed discussing the use of herbs in cooking, as well as helping her with preparations.

Helping in the kitchens at Castle Cousland had always been fun. She found the same to be true here. She even shared some recipes. And, tonight, it had allowed her to avoid Kai and Zevran until morning. She had heard them talking with Bella, but had not gone out to greet them and Bella, ever respectful of her patrons' privacy, had not revealed her presence. I don't want to discuss Alistair or the Blight or the Ashes. At least not tonight. She worried Alistair would blame her for not getting the Ashes to Eamon in time. It would be irrational, but very little about his reaction to the Ashes made sense to her. He must be with Teagan. Dealing with the Arl's death and then with the Arlessa will keep him occupied…probably for a few days. I certainly won't be his priority.

She tiptoed past Kai's room. Bella had given Jowan the room opposite hers, but no light shone under either door. Shep lay in the hallway, just outside her own door, where she had taken to sleeping. She could stay there tonight, too. Mel leaned down and scratched the dog's head and then unlocked her door.

A breeze ruffled her hair and the sound of the waterfall in the distance muffled the sounds from the tap room below. Oh, good. I did leave the shutters open. It's cool in here. She dumped her pack onto the bed, skirted its foot and lit the candle on the small table by its head. No sounds came from Kai's room next door. The connecting door remained closed.

Mel removed her gown, under tunic, shift and hair cover. Working at the Chantry, she had shed her armor in favor of less imposing garb. As was the local fashion, she had covered her hair with a coif or cap, which hid her short hair. She doubted even her friends would have noticed her unless they knew what to look for. She pulled on a tunic and loose linen trousers in case she had to go to the common garderobe at the end of the hall during the night.

Turning to retrieve the pack and put it on the bench between the windows, she stifled a yelp. The faint light of the candle revealed a body stretched out against the wall below the farther window. She took the candle and shone the light on the immobile, recumbent figure.

Ali? The warden, his head on his pack, lay stretched out against the wall sound asleep. Mel bit her lower lip, frowning slightly. Should I wake him? He's sleeping so soundly. She bent down to brush his hair back from his eyes. It needs a trim. She ran the back of her fingers along his jaw, a warm feeling coiling through her stomach. Should I just lay here with him? No, of course not. If he wanted me, he'd have gone to sleep in the bed. She pulled away when he stirred slightly. No. I'm tired. He's tired. We'll talk better after a good night's sleep. She returned the candle to the table by the bed, climbed under the covers and blew it out. Sleep did not come right away. Why is he here and not at the castle? Was talking to me so important? He must have kept the key from last time and let himself in. Bella would have mentioned it, if he had spoken to her. She rolled to her other side and tried to think of other things.

She awoke at first light. When she looked at the place where Alistair had slept, it was empty. Not even a pack. Did I imagine him? She frowned.

"You're awake! I brought tea. And breakfast. Bella told me what you usually eat." Alistair backed into the room, pushing the door open, carrying a tray.

"Good morning."

"Did you see me last night?"

"You were sound asleep. I didn't want to wake you." As he closed the door, she saw the pack, its top gaping open, leaning against the wall half hidden by the bed's footboard,.

"Probably best," he continued, capturing her attention again. "I was tired. Liam tells me I should be patient. Recovery will take a while." He set the tray he carried on the bench. "You must have been tired too. What kept you out so late?"

"I wasn't out. I was in the kitchen with Bella."

"I looked in the kitchen. I only saw Bella and her assistant."

Mel smiled. "That was me." She pointed to the gown and cap.

"Oh. I guess I was looking for armor."

"Yes, most would. One of the first lessons I learned from Zevran. Hide in plain sight."

"You learned it from Zevran? Huh?! Isn't that what you and your family have done for years?"

"What?" Mel arm stopped reaching for the tea as she sat up and stared at him.

"You're not from here, yet you pretend to be. No one looking at any of you would know you're not Fereldan."

"I am…we are from here." Her tone was sharper than she stopped, eyes narrowed as she thought. So that's it. He's bothered by Areth. "The first Melysande and her husband Jayden, weren't, but after hundreds of years, I assure you the Couslands are as Fereldan as you or anyone else." She spoke sharply. "If I'm an outlander, it's on Areth, not in Ferelden."

"What's that mean? You go there every year, you said. You went to school there. You bring its science and medicine and knowledge …and things here. You know things you shouldn't because you learned them there. Because people like you and your family spy on us, and people in Areth record all that knowledge."

She breathed deeply and leaned back against the headboard. "That's what this is about? Not the Ashes, but Areth?"

"The Ashes, how you treated them, made me realize how different you are. But no, it's not only that you took so much, it's that you'll probably give one of those vials to your scientists. They're a tool to you, not sacred at all. You're different. Highever's different." He held up his hands. "I know, you told me that. I just didn't understand what it meant until now."

"I will give one vial if we have any left after the Blight, but that's not why I took what I did. I took it to save people. And yes, Highever is different because of things my family and Pippa's learned in Areth. Is it wrong that we think mages should be treated better? And elves? And that we should try trade and diplomacy instead of war?" Her voice had been rising as she spoke. She stopped, pulling her knees to her chest and dropping her head to rest on them. I will not cry. I will not cry. She looked up, eyes glistening. "Maker, Alistair, if it wasn't for an Arethian doctor, you and Fiona would be dead."

"What? But, Nyla is a mage. You said Areth had no magic."

"Not Nyla, although she was there too. The midwife was a doctor from Areth. She attended Mum and stayed on. Nyla couldn't have saved you on her own. Marian had medicines and skills which augmented Nyla's magic." She closed her eyes willing the tears away. "Alistair. What is it you think you understand about Highever now?"

"You study us. You said as much. You report back to your scientists. You keep records. Are we even people to you?"

She shook her head, her bottom lip between her teeth. "I…when I told you about the satellite, I thought you'd be coming to Highever again. That I could show you, explain better, but…."

"So what, there's a tour? Let's show the…what do you call us…wilders, barbarians…let's show them civilization?"

"Not in the way you mean. We don't disrespect others in that way, Alistair. Only family learn of Areth. Wives, husbands, children. The tour, as you call it, explains why Areth settles other worlds and The Rule. The Rule requires that we do not interfere with the natural progress of the society we join. We can express ideas, if they are similar to what others are saying, but we can't introduce completely new ideas or technology."

"Oh so that camera thing isn't tech…technology?

"I can use those things. I shouldn't have given it to Zev, you're right. But there's a Blight. And I knew Zev wouldn't ask questions. I wish he hadn't shown it to you."

"Why did you settle here?"

"Me or the first Couslands?

"The first ones."

"To learn. About Magic. Dwarves. Elves. Areth has no magic. The only race is humans, but we…" She winced as he looked satisfied with her use of 'we'. "Arethians, that is, are a peaceful, but curious people. They explore. Sometimes the best way to explore is to hide in plain sight. Become part of the society. We don't just observe, we participate, as citizens. Areth has no interest in a galactic empire…" She saw his puzzlement. "Galactic...well a galaxy is a large collection of stars and planets…worlds. Areth and this planet are in the same galaxy. A galactic empire would be an empire of many planets. Arethians just want to learn about other worlds, not rule them. So yes, explorers, who settle other planets, do report back. We do study Thedas." She shrugged. "There are Thedosian scholars who study Thedas, too. We're not that different." She stopped. "My aunt, Olivia, who lives in Areth, is an anthropologist who studies Thedas. She visits universities here, as a visiting scholar, to study and exchange notes. They don't know she's from Areth, but they do recognize her as a scholar with interests similar to their own."

He stared at her and then realized she had never taken her tea. He handed it to her, along with a plate of Bella's fresh bread and some cheese.

A smile flashed. "You're furious with me and yet you bring me breakfast in bed?"

"No…yes. I…your room is private. A good place to talk. And I was hungry. I was not going to be rude and just bring mine."

"No, of course not." She sipped the tea. How do I convince him I'm still the Mel he cares about? "I'm Fereldan, Ali. Mum and I escaped to Areth from Castle Cousland that night. We didn't have to return, but we did because this is our home." She emphasized each word. "Fergus could have taken his family to Areth and saved them from the Blight. He didn't. He left Oriana and Oren at Highever, where he thought they'd be safe, and led our troops to Ostagar. Mum and Papa could have left for safety when the Orlesians ruled. They didn't. They joined the Rebellion."

"Areth isn't home?"

"No. When I'm in Areth I'm a Traveler, an off-worlder, a galactic – someone from another planet. Areth is my ancestral home world, but it is not my home. When I went to school there, it was with other Travelers. We're different. Curiosities. Even Travelers, like my Aunt Liv, who choose to stay on Areth often keep their ties to their home planet. For me, my home is Ferelden."

He huffed. "Right, Areth, the perfect world. You're an outsider there?"

"It's not perfect. It's true there's they have technology you don't have yet in Thedas. There are no major wars and Areth does not attack or try to conquer other planets, but there's crime, there are still diseases, there are hungry people, there are poor people…no one starves, but some people have more than others. And, yes, I'm an outsider. All Travelers are. My home is Ferelden. Here. With you."

"With me?"

"I thought so," she said so softly he almost didn't hear.

He leaned against the wall and rubbed his hands through his hair. He slid down until he was sitting on the floor, knees bent in front of him. "I don't know, Mel. The arming clothes…well they look no different than my old ones. They didn't bother me, but you kept adding things. I can't get comfortable with the Blight pills…even though I take them, the things you know about the wardens, the science, that camera…what will you reveal next?

Her mouth quirked, but she didn't smile, just touched the ear cuff she often wore. She stretched her legs out and crossed them at the ankle. "Ali, it was useful. We know what Eleutheria had in her study from the images Zevran took, but no one knows we know because Zev left the documents there. Zev doesn't know anything about Areth by the way. Neither does Kai."

"Kai doesn't?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Ali, the only person I've told is you. And only because we were betrothed." She saw him wince. "I know, we were ten, but it was a valid betrothal. Which meant telling you was alright. I didn't follow the process, exactly, because we were ten and you had just been…well I thought it would help."

"I'd been beaten, whipped."

"Yes. And I thought-"

"-you wanted to fix it."

"I wanted to let you know I loved you and trusted you and that you were important to me." She closed her eyes and tear leaked out and dribbled down one cheek. She brushed it away. He hadn't seemed to notice.

"Right."

"All that is still true."

He leaned back and closed his eyes. She stared at him and then rested her head against the wall behind her. They didn't speak for a long time.

"What do we do now?" She leaned away from the wall and spoke.

"I don't know. I'm still in the treacle swamp."

"What?"

He breathed a laugh. "Morrigan. She said a mouse could march through a treacle swamp faster than I make a decision."

Mel almost smiled. "You do take your time."

"Yeah."

"I could stay here, Alistair. Or go on to South Reach and stay with Arl Bryland. I could-"

"No! No, I don't want you to leave us. Aside from the fact that half the group would never speak to me except in monosyllables, I miss you when you're gone."

"Ali..."

"I know. I'm not making sense. I miss you and I'm angry."

"So, what, I stay as a companion? And you ignore me? I stay out of your way?" She looked up, sniffed and shook her head. "And you think that won't make me angry?" Her eyes glistened, but she managed to hold back tears.

"Not exactly. I mean…we won't be…won't share a tent. I wouldn't ignore you." He rubbed his hand through his hair. I'm going to make her cry. Nice work, Alistair. I more confused now than I was before. It's easier to get all angry when I'm alone. "I don't know. I need more time to think."

"Do you miss me, or miss Taina calling you boss?" She crossed her arms, frowning at him. "And you need a haircut. Or won't you trust me near you with my scissors?"

He grimaced. "I miss both. And yes, I need it cut. If you would do it, I would trust you." He stood, abruptly. "Speaking of Taina, I should go up to the castle."

"I was surprised to find you here last night."

"I wanted to talk. Not that we resolved much, except that I want you to stay and I'm still thinking."

"Fighting with me is better than fighting with Isolde?"

He snorted. "We're not fighting, exactly, and anything with you is better than a moment with Isolde…or anyone else. You know that." He hefted his pack.

No I don't, Alistair. Instead of voicing her doubt she said, "Wait." Mel climbed off the bed and pulled a chain over her head. She walked over to Alistair and took his hand, turning it palm up. She dropped the chain and two rings it held into the open palm.

"Those are…" Alistair looked up in surprise. "No, these are yours."

"Alistair, these meant more…they're more than a pretty gift. They represent a promise…one that I think you're-"

"-breaking?"

Mel remained silent.

He shook his head. "I'm not. Not yet anyway. I…I don't want these back."

Mel stood facing him, hands clenched at her side. Alistair dropped the chain on the bed and walked into the hallway.

"Mel, give me some time. I'm not you. My mind doesn't work that quickly. Between Ostagar, trying to lead, you, Fiona, everything…I'm struggling. I want it all to be black and white, right or wrong and it's not." He shrugged. "I admit it. And I can't talk to anyone about most of it."

"You used to talk to me."

"Yeah, but you're part of the problem, so that doesn't work so well." This time his eyes glistened. "I wish it did," he whispered. "I don't like everyone being angry at me when I can't explain why I'm upset."

Mel sighed. I feel badly for him. He's breaking my heart and I'm worried about him. Maybe he's not the idiot here. "Ali, try Zev. I think he…well, he must know about the secret tunnels or he's not as talented a body guard as we thought. He doesn't know about Areth, but he probably thinks there's some sort of passage to Cumberland. Or that we're from somewhere else beyond Thedas, but on this world."

"Yeah, we've talked a little. He's pretty angry with me too, but he would talk if I wanted to. Maybe." He bent down to scratch Shep's ears. "I should go." He stood and saw that Mel held the chain, fingering the rings. "If I intend to break my promise, I'll say so. I didn't stop…my feelings...when I said always I meant it." He took a deep breath. "My feelings haven't changed." He strode off.

Mel stood in the doorway watching, arms wrapped around her torso, as he descended to the landing, turned the corner and disappeared. Shep nudged her hip. "Yeah, not sure what we accomplished, girl, but you and he can still be friends."

"Treacle swamp? I'm surprised he adopted the image. The swamp witch does have a clever turn of phrase." Zev stepped out of the door to his room, as Mel scratched Shep's head.

"You heard her make the comment?" She grimaced. "Of course you did. And did you hear our whole conversation, just now?"

"Only some of it just now, but we both heard Morrigan. He was successfully practicing his stealth." Zevran's face remained serious.

Mel, despite her mood, burst out in laughter. "His stealth?"

"Wearing only clothing, no armor, and soft leather shoes on a hard stone path. She also called him a bronto." Zevran shrugged, as he followed Mel into her room shutting the door behind him. "He did sneak up on them...Morrigan and Liam. And you needed to laugh, cara."

"It's a good image, Zev. Alistair being stealthy with, of all people, Morrigan." She took a deep breath. "Thank you." She smiled. "And the treacle swamp image is...well, funny and sad. He does get mired in his own thoughts sometimes." She chuckled to herself. "The trouble with treacle."

Zev raised his eyebrows.

"Private joke," she said.

"So, you discovered that the Ashes are not the problem?" Zev asked.

Her eyes narrowed. "How much of our conversation did you hear?"

"Not that much. I visited Jowan earlier and heard him make the treacle remark on my way back to our room." He shrugged, raising bent arms, palms up. "And, Alistair and I talked on the way here."

"So he said. As you know then, the Ashes were a trigger, a spark, it seems. Made him think about who I am and where my loyalties lie. I know a lot about grey wardens, you see, more than I should, based on their very secretive practices. He can be rigid sometimes. And stubborn. Even more so after all those years in the chantry. I don't think it's belief as much as habit. He finds comfort in rules and consistency."

"They make him feel safe, yes? Change is frightening."

"I didn't realize it, but yes, I think so. He was more curious and open before. He trusted us. But that was before we all failed him."

"So you know more about the wardens than he does."

"Well, I did. Now he knows what I know." What Duncan should have told him.

"That's all? This has nothing to do with that strange panel beneath the castle?"

Mel's eyes grew wide and then narrowed again. So he did find the passage to the portal.

"I inspected the entire castle, amica, when I arrived with Lady Oriana. Do you think I would miss it?"

A slight smile flickered. "No, truthfully, I would be disappointed if you had. Yes it has a lot to do with the panel."

"And with this?" He held up the camera.

"Yes."

He looked at her expectantly.

"I can't, Zev. I shouldn't have told him, but I didn't know I wouldn't see him for ten years. I thought I had all the time in world to explain. Then, when I found him again, I planned on telling him more, but that involves accessing that strange panel. A side trip to Higheverport isn't a good idea right now."

"And Kai, does she know?"

"No. It's not a secret we tell to anyone outside the family. He was...we were - or thought we were - betrothed. So I told him."

Zev nodded. "I will keep your confidence, amica." He opened the door and then looked back. "And I will try to remain his friend too, yes?"

"Please. He needs someone to talk to."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Do you know what you're giving up?" Zevran walked beside Alistair on the road to the castle.

Alistair stopped, looked off in to the distance and then turned to Zevran. "My home. The one place my heart feels safe."

Zevran's eyes widened. "If you know that, then why?"

"I can't explain, Zev."

Zev held up the camera.

"Yeah, that creepy thing. And other creepy things. She can't explain right now either. So I'm stuck. I want to hear the explanation. Until I do, I can't chose."

Zev shook his head slowly. His look became stern, as he spoke, emphasizing every word. "If your heart is at home with her, you already trust her. You've already made your choice. Trust your heart, not your chantry training. Your heart already led you to the right answer without the detailed explanations. Make the leap. You already love her and she loves you. Trust your heart."

Alistair saw a look of deep sadness, before Zev recovered his stern visage. "You sound like you speak from experience, Zev. There was someone before Kai?"

"Believe me Alistair, follow your heart. I was lucky, I got a second chance, but that is rare. I have not made the same mistake with Kai. You," he shook his head, "I think you will not recover if you let her go." He strode on in silence.

Alistair, surprised at Zev's vehemence, remained still. Finally, he sped up to catch the elf as Zevran reached the bridge leading to the main gate.

A/N:Thank you for reading. If you have time, please review. I appreciate all followers, favorites, kudos and comments.

Thanks to my wonderful betas Kira Tamarion and Elyssa Cousland whose efforts make this a better story. Any errors are mine.

Thanks for the reviews and comments: onceuponachildhood,dustywalker, thinkdragonage,Mike3207,ChaoticHarmony1991,SnowHelm and caramelized. Thanks to those who favorited, followed and gave kudos. I hope you continue to read and enjoy.

[1] Treacle is any uncrystallized syrup made during the refining of sugar. The most common forms of treacle are golden syrup, a pale variety, and a darker variety known as black treacle. Black treacle, or molasses, has a distinctively strong, slightly bitter flavor, and a richer color than golden syrup.