Finding A Way To Breath

~I want to believe in more than you and me. But all that I know is I'm breathing. (Ingrid Michaelson)

Haley rolled out of bed slowly, heading downstairs to the kitchen. She'd been awakened about a half hour ago by the sound of the phone ringing when the dreams of sleeping in for once had been shattered. At first she'd been frantic that something bad had happened with Brooke and the babies but was relieved to find out it was only Q for Nathan. She pulled out a bowl of pre-washed strawberries before grabbing a knife and began to slice them on the plastic portable cutting board as she heard the stirrings of her son making his way downstairs.

"Good morning Momma," Jamie said as he moved towards her, throwing his arms around her.

She smiled as she returned his hug, "Hey baby, you hungry?" Haley watched him nod before pulling out two bowls, filling them with cereal and the freshly cut berries. "Did you sleep okay?"

Jamie nodded silently once again before pushing around his cereal with his spoon.

Haley watched him for a few minutes, taking a couple bites of her own breakfast before sitting her spoon down. "Hey little man," she waited for his eyes to reach hers. "What's wrong?"

Jamie stared at his mother for a moment before asking in a soft voice, "Is Aunt Brooke going to die?"

"What?" her caramel eyes went wide. "No honey," she shook her head adamantly. "Where did that come from? I thought you felt better about everything."

"I did," he sighed as he stared down into his bowl again, "but then the phone rang…"

"I don't understand Jamie," she reached over to tilt his face upwards. "Why did that make you think something was wrong?" In truth she understood why, it had unnerved her too but she was still concerned about what was going on in her son's mind.

"It was just like Grandpa Dan," Jamie said sadly. "He was okay and I was going to go see him but then the phone rang and…"

"Oh honey," she scooted her chair out and opened her arms. "Come here," she watched him hop out of the chair before gathering him in her embrace. "That was different; your grandpa's heart was already sick when he got into that accident and he was too tired to get better but your Aunt Brooke wasn't sick before. The doctors are just taking care of her to make sure she has everything she needs to give birth to your baby cousins." She smiled down at him. "You have nothing to worry about, okay?"

He looked up into his mother's warm eyes before nodding. "Promise?"

"I promise," she kissed him on top of his forehead before setting him in his own chair. "Now finish your breakfast and after we can call Uncle Lucas and Aunt Brooke and then you can come to the studio with me; sound like a plan?"

Jamie smiled, his early concern completely removed from his face. "Thanks Momma," he said before finally digging into his breakfast.

"Hey," Peyton said as she stepped inside the hospital room. "They said I could come in if it was alright with you."

"Sure, come on in." He motioned to her with his hand. "Right now it's basically a waiting game anyways." He watched the blonde pull up a chair next to his bedside and sit down. "Jenny…"

"She's visiting Oriana," Peyton replied. "I didn't think you'd want her here."

Jake nodded in agreement. "I know she has some idea of what's going on and right now I'm fine but then she might want to see my dad and he looks pretty sick right now. The chemo really took a lot out of him and I don't want to scare her or make her grow up any quicker than she's already had to."

"You're a good dad," she reached over to hold his hand. "I wish you would've woken me this morning; I would've come with you."

"I know," he smiled. "Last night was a pretty long night," he raised his brows at her. "I figured you needed the rest and this way Jenny's life didn't have to be any more disrupted." He squeezed her hand reassuringly. "I've been pretty bored since they stuck me in here; this doctor comes in a gives me a shot and then leaves me here to contemplate my mortality or something," he laughed. "I've had all four of them already. I have a little bit of a headache but that's it so far."

She nodded. "That's good; when exactly do they take your bone marrow?"

"They don't really," Jake answered with a shrug. "They give me these shots to increase the stem cells in my blood and then they extract them back out and put it in my dad so he can rebuild his own marrow," he explained, pausing to look at his fiancé. "I guess now we're just waiting for the count to be what the doctors want."

Peyton nodded, unsure of what to say.

"Hey," he reached over to place a hand under her chin, willing her eyes to meet his own. "It's going to be okay."

"Shouldn't that be my line to you," Peyton sniffed before swallowing back the tears that were forming. "I'm sorry," she shook her head. "You should be leaning on me and here I am falling apart."

"We're supposed to be leaning on each other," he replied. "Besides, wasn't it you who told me it was okay to be scared?" Jake paused briefly. "We've been through a lot together and we'll get through this, okay? I came back for you Peyton; I'm not going to let anything take me away from you again."

She nodded once again but this time with a smile, feeling reassured by his words as she leaned closer to give him a quick kiss. "I'm going to hold you to that," her green eyes were filled with love.

"You better," Jake replied with a smile before leaning over to kiss her fully this time.

The couple was pulled apart by the doctor clearing his throat. "Still feeling alright I presume?"

"Yeah," Jake nodded. "Just a slight headache and some body aches but so far, so good."

"Good," Dr. Bazil replied before looking over the latest vitals. "It looks like your count is right where it should be now so I'm going to get a nurse and get you set up so we can collect the blood. Hopefully we'll be able to find a suitable arm vein, if not we'll go through the clavicle."

Jake nodded understandably. "Sounds good I guess," he looked over at Peyton as she took his hand before looking back up at the doctor. "Can my fiancé stay?"

"That shouldn't be a problem," the gray-haired doctor replied with a smile. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Jake said as the doctor left him and Peyton alone again. "I'm sorry," he paused as he turned to look at her. "I probably should've asked if you wanted to stay."

"Of course I want to stay," the blonde replied. "Jake, what you're doing is amazing and there's no place I'd rather be while you do this then by your side."

"Good," he smiled, "because there's no one I'd rather have here with me." Jake reached over to cup her cheek, his brown orbs staring intently into her green before leaning over to touch his lips to hers.

Brooke laid back flipping through a magazine aimlessly as she tried to focus on something other than her most recent contractions. It had been nearly three hours since she was given the Oxcytocin to induce her labor and in a matter of thirty minutes she'd gone from being dilated less than a centimeter to six and was now experiencing painful contractions.

"Luke," she whined as the pain still resonated. "Do you think next time you can have the baby?"

"I'll try," he laughed as he stroked her hair. "Do you want some more ice chips?"

"Not right now," she said as she tossed the magazine aside. "I'm gonna be creative," she quirked an eyebrow. "Since they won't give me water I'm just going to water till the ice chips melt."

"That's my Crazy Girl," he smiled down at her, "always coming up with something."

"They're probably going to be quite a handful aren't they," she affectionately rubbed her stomach. "Especially if they get your introspectiveness, if that's even a word, and my creativity. They'll be brooding and mischievous at the same time. We'll never know what they're up to."

"It's a word," he answered, "and I think it'll be a perfect combination." He bent down to give her a kiss but she turned her head. "Hey, am I already being blamed as the man who did this to you?"

"Not yet," she looked up at him playfully, "but be prepared for that later. Right now my lips are chapped," she pouted. "Can you hand me my purse?"

"Okay," Lucas walked over to the chair where the small clutch sat and brought it back to her, watching in amusement as she pulled out a mirror. "You're beautiful…"

"You have to say that," she rolled her eyes at him. "Besides its only chapstick and my lips are really dry," she said before spreading the balm generously over her lips before making a "puck" sound. "There," she smiled happily as she returned the items in her purse. "Now you can kiss me."

"Like I said… Crazy Girl," the blonde shook his head before leaning down to touch his lips to hers.

"Ugh," Brooke groaned as she suddenly pulled back from her husband and clutched her stomach. "It hurts Luke…"

"Just breathe through it," he placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and held her hand.

"No Lucas," she shook her head. "Something…it hurts, uhhh!" She yelled as she laid back. "Get the doctor."

Lucas frantically pressed the call button, his eyes worried as he stared down at his wife and the doctors rushed in.

Rachel stood on the deck overlooking the backyard, coffee cup in hand as she glanced down at her daughter and Jenny playing happily on the swing set. It was still surreal to her that she actually had the opportunity to be a real mother to her daughter. There was no feeling like it and she prayed to whoever was up who would listen to someone like her and their hopes were listening now and watching over the girl who had become her sister in every way but blood. Brooke. She looked up at the sky as she sent happy thoughts to the brunette who'd seen her through every painful and beautiful moment since they decided they were too much alike to continue being rivals.

She took a sip of her coffee, relishing the feeling of the warm liquid sliding down her throat before her eyes drifted from the children to the endless expanse of the sky. She took a deep breath in as she closed her eyes, her mind suddenly filling with memories from the other night when she laid here with Owen looking up into the sky; the night they'd made love for the first time in over eight years.

"Wow," Owen smiled as he looked down at her, pushing back a stray hair that was sticking to her forehead. "Just…wow…"

"You weren't so bad yourself," the moonlight only seemed to make the mischievousness in her eyes brighter. "What?" her chestnut orbs meet his intense gaze, trying to decipher a look she'd never seen before, at least not when someone looked at her. "What is it?"

"It's…" he breathed out deeply, his hand softly caressing her cheek, "It's you. I don't know any other way to put it Gattina. It's just you; I love you."

She smiled brightly, unable to control the water gathering in her eyes. "I think you put it just fine," she leaned up to touch her lips to his before pulling away and allowing him to move over so she could lay her head on his chest and listen to the rhythmic sound of his heartbeat. "This is it," she said softly as a tear made its way down her face, the moisture falling onto his bare chest.

"Hey," Owen looked down at her, stroking her red tresses back. "Rachel, look at me; what is it?"

She shook her head silently as another tear fell.

"Baby," he sat up with her, his arm around her waist holding her tightly to his form. "This is what?" The warmth of his chocolate eyes peered into her chestnut ones.

"I don't know if I can explain it," she shook her head, wiping away the traces of the tears she'd just shed. "I feel kind of stupid for crying," she breathed out deeply as she stared down at the pattern of the blanket covering them, feeling comforted immediately as his hold tightened on her even more. "It's just this is it; the perfect moment." Her orbs slowly looked up to meet his, still filled with the same indescribable emotion. "I've just," her voice was softer than he'd ever heard it before. "I've never felt this way in my entire life Owen. I knew, from the moment you came back into my life that I loved you. I guess I just never knew how much until you touched me tonight… I mean really touched me." She breathed out as the water in her eyes began to gather again, "I just... I don't want it to end."

He titled his head down to kiss the tears away before brushing his lips softly over hers. "This is only the beginning," he murmured against them before his lips glided over hers once again.

The next three nights had gone by so fast and even though he'd slept next to her, holding her last night as she worried over Brooke, they hadn't really talked about what happened between them that night or their revelations and she couldn't help but be troubled by it. Looking down at the girls playing in the yard she was reminded of how much time she missed with her daughter and she wasn't going to waste one more day in limbo with Owen.

Rachel turned and grabbed her cell phone, dialing her second best friend's number. "Mouth it's me… could you do me a favor and watch Ori and Jenny? I have something important that just can't wait."

Nathan pulled up his SUV to the River Court, parking a few feet away before hopping out of the vehicle. The young man that he'd grown so attached to in the last year was already there waiting for him, bouncing the orange rubber ball with a nervous yet hopeful look on his face.

"Hey man," Nathan called out to him as he approached.

"Nathan Scott," the deep sienna man smiled widely. "Thanks for meeting me; I know you have a lot going on." He sat the ball near the base of the hoop. "I just didn't want to do this by myself, 'ya know."

"I get it," He said with a tilt of his head, motioning to the bench on the sidelines of the court. "I'm glad you called me; I'm probably about as excited as you are."

Q watched the man who'd become a mentor to him sit on the table, his feet resting on the bench below before following suit. "It came yesterday," he breathed out deeply, rubbing his bottom lip against his teeth in a nervous fashion as he pulled the letter out of his pocket. "I didn't see it till last night but I was too nervous to do it alone; I needed my comeback wingman."

"I think you're my comeback wingman," Nathan corrected with a laugh. "So come on Q, open it up."

"Here goes nothing," he sighed deeply before tearing the top of the envelope open and pulling the paper out. With another deep sigh he unfolded it and scanned it quickly, thinking if it was a no it would be better if it were quick. "Aww man… woo, yes," he pumped his fist in the air as a huge grin overtook his features. "I'm in there baby, I made it," he looked over at his friend's, his eyes filed with a light that was shining from within. "I made it Nate!" He shoved the paper at him.

"Congratulations Man," he stood up and embraced him, the smile on Nathan's face mimicking that of his friend. "I knew you could do it."

"Duke baby, its Duke," Q pulled back in excitement. "Woo! I'm in man… I owe you everything Nate."

"Well I did make it to The NBA after working with you so I'd say we're even," Nathan said with a laugh. "Come here man," he hugged the young man once again, patting his back firmly the way you would a younger brother. "I am so proud of you."

"I'm proud of me too," he said with another excited pump of his fist. "I'm going to Duke!"

Peyton sat by Jake's bedside, flipping through the channels of the television until she found a music program. It had been a few hours since his procedure was complete and so far his body was holding up well.

"Thanks again for being here Peyt," Jake smiled as he reached over to hold her hand.

"There's no where else I'd be," she smiled before laying her head on his chest, loving the sound of his steady heartbeat when so much around her lately had been unsteady.

"Knock, knock," a soft female voice spoke through the crack in the door. "Is this a private party or can an old lady join?"

"Sure," Peyton smiled as she lifted her head from her fiancé's chest, "if you see one."

"You're very sweet," she smiled at Peyton.

"Come on in Ma'," Jake motioned with his hand for the short, slightly overweight woman with auburn hair to enter.

"Hello sweetheart," Angela Jagelski said as she leaned over the bed to embrace her only child. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm good," he nodded. "A little tired but that's it. How's dad?"

"So far, so good," Angela said as she pulled the extra chair to the other side of her son's bed. "At least that's what they tell me. The whole process took less than an hour but we won't really know till a few weeks."

"Yeah," Jake nodded, "I know the drill."

"I have a good feeling though," she reached over to hold her son's other hand. "How are you holding up Peyton? Jake told me about your friend Brooke."

"I'm okay," she nodded. "Lucas came by to give us an update but that was earlier this morning and she was barely dilated."

"Labor can take a long time," Angela smiled in remembrance. "I was in labor twenty-three hours with this one," she patted his leg affectionately. "It's probably why I only did it once," she laughed.

"Yeah," Peyton smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes, the thought of never being able to experience that weighing in the back of her mind. "I can imagine," her voice was somewhat solemn but she found herself smiling as she felt the reassuring squeeze of Jake's hand.

"I can't wait till I can get out of here and see dad," Jake said, changing what he knew was a difficult subject for Peyton. "I know they won't release me but maybe I could get a wheelchair and be pushed over."

"You'd love that," Peyton nudged him with her shoulder.

"Yes he would," Angela agreed. "It may be a little while; they've got him in isolation now and I don't know how long that will be." Her face suddenly turned sad. "I miss him already."

"You'll have him back soon Ma'," Jake smiled as his brown orbs meet his mother's light blue.

"Just like you said," Peyton smiled at the woman who would soon be her mother in law, "I'm sure everything's going to work out… for everyone." The blonde watched the older woman nod, hoping that she was right.

Brooke lay in bed, doctors and nurses surrounding her as Lucas stood by her side. After Lucas had called for the doctor, she'd learned she was dilated fully now and "Twin 1" as he was dubbed by the doctors had maneuvered into the breech position and was coming fast; which was why she was in so much pain. They'd managed to get him turned around inside the birth canal and now she was pushing with everything she had, hoping that her baby would be alright.

"Just breathe," Lucas whispered gently in his wife's ear. "That's it Pretty Girl, breath through it."

Brooke huffed as she lay back against the pillow, sweat beads accumulating on her brow from the excursion of pushing.

"We're almost there Brooke," Dr. Sinclair said. "Just a few more pushes…"

"Fetal heartbeat to down to ninety," one of the nurses alerted the doctor.

"Is that bad?" Brooke's eyes met the doctor's and then her husband's frantically. "Luke…"

"It's fine as long as it doesn't drop below that," the doctor's warm blue eyes looked directly into her patient's. "Okay, we're going to get ready to push again." She watched the brunette nod. "Ready... push: One, two, three, four, five, six… hold it… nine, ten. Good," she said reassuringly as Brooke lay back once again.

"You almost took my hand off with that one," Lucas said as he brushed back the strands of hair that were currently sticking to her forehead.

"Sorry," she smiled wirily at him. "I love you Lucas."

"I love you too," he smiled before placing a soft kiss into her hairline.

"Alright," the blonde doctor spoke again. "One more push and you'll be welcoming your first baby. You ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Brooke said before waiting for the doctor's go ahead and pushing a finally time, practically passing out before she heard the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard in her life; the sound of her baby's first cry if it could even be called that. It was softer and somewhat squeakier than she expected but the sound was still music to her ears. She smiled with tears in her eyes as she lay back, watching as Lucas cut the umbilical cord and then as the tiny human was held up for her to see. "He's so beautiful," Brooke cried, a thrilling feeling of warmth and love reaching every part of her despite the pain she still felt.

Everything seemed to pass in a blur for both Lucas and Brooke after that as medical personnel fussed over their before wheeling him away to NICU. Within a few minutes Brooke was once again experiencing contractions and a nurse was saying something about the fetal heartbeat dropping below ninety.

"What's happening?" was all Lucas managed to say before Dr. Sinclair seemed to go into hyper mode.

"The fetal heartbeat's down to sixty-five," the nurse replied.

"Oh God," Brooke cried out. "Is she okay? You said below ninety was bad right?"

"We're going to have to do an emergency c-section," Dr. Sinclair explained. "Just try to relax Brooke."

"Lucas," she squeezed her husband's hand as her breathing became labored and an oxygen mask was placed over her face.

"One minute from skin to baby," the doctor announced before making the incision, delivering the baby via cesarean.

"Is she… is she alright?" Brooke asked breathlessly through the mask.

"She looks good," Dr. Sinclair said as she handed the tiny baby off to a nurse.

"She's beautiful," Lucas said as he watched them clean her up, putting her under the heater.

"She'll have to be taken down as well," Dr. Sinclair explained before attending back to her patient. "She's loosing a lot of blood people…"

"What's happening?" Lucas' eyes grew wide as he saw his wife's vitals decreasing on the monitor.

"The uterus is atomic," the doctor said as she worked to get the bleeding under control. "We may have to do a hysterectomy if we can't get it to firm up."

"No Luke, don't let them…" Brooke shook her head in her weakened stated. "Please Lucas…" Brooke's eyes met his before her head fell to the side.

"Systolic is eighty," a nurse shouted.

"Brooke!" Lucas yelled frantically. "Brooke…" he turned to the doctor as she began making an incision. "What are you doing to my wife?"

"Someone get him out of here," Dr. Sinclair ordered.

"No," Lucas said as he was ushered out of the room. "Brooke! Brooke!" He slammed his hand against the window as he was shut out.

Owen stood behind the bar, watching as Jamie spun around on stage as he waited for Haley to finish talking to whoever it was that was inside the studio with her. In truth his mind had been on other things; his daughter, his two friends in the hospital, and the huge step he'd taken in his relationship with Rachel that neither of them seemed to be mentioning.

If he were being honest with himself, he was scared. Scared that she thought they'd made a mistake or that they were moving too fast or that her feelings weren't quite as in the present as his were.

"Bartender, I'd like to order a drink please," a man who was dressed more for some upscale restaurant around the corner from Wall Street rather than off an alley in Tree Hill called from the end of the bar, raising his index finger in the air. "I wondered if you had a Spanish brandy, perhaps a Solera Gran Reserva."

Owen looked at the man's face in shock, unable to speak.

"Hello Owen," he smiled as he leaned back slightly on his bar stool. "Of all the bars…"

"What the hell are you doing here?" his jaw was hard as he looked at the man in front of him before turning as he heard another familiar voice.

"What?" Rachel cried out. "No, yeah … okay." Her tear filled eyes immediately shot across the bar and met his, having not even announcing her presence at Tric before she received the call. "Owen…"

"I don't have time for this," he said harshly before rushing to the red head's side. "Baby, what is it?"

"It's Brooke," she cried as she fell into his chest. "She needs us… its bad Morello."

"Chase," he called to his longtime friend. "Cover for me; I gotta go."

"What's going on?" Haley was suddenly behind them, coming through the door from Bedroom Records with Jamie at her side.

"Brooke," was all Rachel managed to say before the four of them flew out of the bar, leaving the man in the suit to watch their disappearing forms.

Ingrid Michaelson wrote, "I want to change the world, instead I sleep. I want to believe in more than you and me. But all that I know is I'm breathing. All I can do is keep breathing. All we can do is keep breathing now."