A/N: As always, thanks to MarinaNamaste for being my beta. She really helped with this chapter because I couldn't pull my thoughts together. She made a few suggestions and that set me off again. I've also decided that I'll update regularly on Fridays or Saturdays. When I was posting more than once a week (some of you really liked that) I was doing so without much review and without a beta. I think this will be better and you'll see the quality of the writing increase. Again, thanks to Marina for that influence. I need to be more methodical.
Enjoy. And please leave your thoughts...good or bad. And, if you haven't already, I wrote a dark little Twilight one-shot you may want to check out.
"You guys always choose the restaurant!" Bear complained. "I'm sick of pizza and it's time we go for something else!"
"Fine, Bear. Where do you want to go?" I asked.
"I want to go to In-and-Out burger." Leslie laughed and rolled her eyes at him. "What? We haven't been there in a long time," he barked defensively.
"Raven likes pizza and it's the only night of the week she gets to splurge," Leslie explained to her cantankerous brother.
"So everything is about Raven all the time?" Bear looked back from the front passenger seat towards everyone in the car. We'd borrowed the SUV from Leslie's parents so we could all ride in one vehicle. They liked that better with Embry coming down to visit every weekend with Seth. They also liked that her brothers went everywhere with them…us. Embry didn't mind, though. He just wanted to be with Leslie and him not minding that her brothers were there was doing more for her recovery than the two days a week that she saw Jasper-or Dr. Hale as her parents knew him.
"No," Leslie, Seth, and Mark all said together.
"Yes it is. And I'm sick of it," Bear and I said at the same time.
"Did you guys plan that?" Embry said grinning. Seth clucked his tongue and looked out the window.
"Go to In-and-Out Burger. I haven't been there yet and if Bear makes me watch The Big Lewboski again without eating there then it will never be funnier than it was the first three times," I said. Bear almost smiled at me.
Bear was angry when Mark and Leslie returned from their weekend in La Push for a many reasons. For one, Leslie came home and finally told the rest of her family what had happened with Gerry and Bear was angry that Mark knew and no one else. Secondly, Bear was upset that Mark got to meet Charlie, the man who ended Gerry, and he did not. I promised him that he would be invited to Seth's graduation party in La Push and I would personally take him to meet Charlie and he could spend the afternoon watching baseball with him, too. And thirdly, he was pissed the he was stuck entertaining Steven all weekend by himself.
"I don't mind In-And-Out Burger," Embry tried to appease the group. Like his role in the pack, Embry played the peacemaker by soothing hurt feelings and making sure everyone's opinions were heard and respected. Voting for In-and-Out was his way of saying we do always do what I wanted, but in a nice way. I didn't blame him and I agreed with him. With Mark around, Seth always catered to me and it was getting annoying.
"Do what Bear wants," I said rather tersely. I phrased it that way because I didn't want this to be all about what Raven wanted all the time. Mark complied with everything I wanted because of his incessant need to show me his gratitude for helping Leslie. And I could still tell he liked me, so Seth was constantly trying to one-up him. It was as if Seth didn't trust what I felt for him and Seth didn't act like my Seth when Mark was around. He was territorial and possessive…like he didn't trust me. That irritated me. Leslie was a peacekeeper like Embry and Bear was the only sane one. Oddly enough.
"Finally someone with some sense!" Bear said turning back around to face the front. Mark huffed and pulled on to the freeway heading us to the In-and-Out Burger. This was the last weekend I was going to spend in Portland with the exception of graduation and I was both happy and sad. I was happy because I finally got to move back to La Push where I wanted to be all along, but I had become so close to Leslie and her brothers, that I was sad to be leaving them. But I was comforted knowing that Bear and Leslie would be at school with us in Seattle and Mark was even filling out the paperwork for college funding, to transfer up to Seattle, too. I knew that would not make Seth happy at all, so I hadn't mention it to him yet.
"Hey, baby," Seth cooed in my ear, "we're here." I was lost in thought and wallowing in my irritation so I didn't notice we had pulled into the parking lot. Seth and I were in the way way back and I climbed out without saying anything to him.
"If you want pizza, I'll order some when we get back to Jasper and Alice's house," he said when we were out of the car. He thought I was sulking because I wanted pizza? My irritation increased and I was almost angry. It wasn't like him to get my mood wrong or mistake my irritation.
"I don't want pizza, Seth. God." I said as I brushed past him heading towards the restaurant. I didn't know why I was being so bitchy. He was just trying to make me happy. I had spent all week looking forward to him being here and now that he was here I was so irritated with him. I walked past Mark who smirked at me. "What?" I bit out tersely. I didn't need him thinking that fighting with Seth gave him an in.
When we got into to the store I went and stood by Bear who was my favorite person at that moment. He wasn't smothering and I always knew what he was thinking. He got up to the register and looked at the menu.
"Hey, can you make me a pizza burger?" Bear asked with a mischievous smirk. I burst out laughing and it just felt so good. I knew Bear was just doing it to piss off Mark. He looked over at me and chuckled a little. I loved it when Bear laughed, because it didn't happen too often.
"Hang on man, let me see," the cashier went to the window that afforded a small view of the kitchen and yelled back the request. An affirmative answer came from the back and the college-aged worker nodded. "Sure can. What toppings do you want?"
"Surprise me," Bear said, "and I want a large order of fries and a large coke, too." He turned to look at me. "And whatever she wants, I'm buying hers." I didn't have to think twice. To turn it down would be insulting to Bear so I just ordered.
"I'll have a number three all the way with a diet coke," I said before Seth could come and argue. The cashier whose name tag said "Dude" nodded and rang in our orders.
"That'll be $12.64," Dude said. I pointed to his nametag and Bear smirked again.
"Are you the other Jeffery Lewboski?" I asked. Dude looked confused. "Nevermind." I said and Bear barked a laugh. I was on a roll. Dude handed us our cups so we could fill them at the self-serve soda fountain.
"Raven?" Seth called looking a little hurt.
"Bear bought for me," I said and followed him over to fill my drink cup. I felt guilty, but I just wanted to…I didn't know what I wanted. But I knew that Bear wouldn't irritate me right now. I followed Bear to the big booth in the corner that would hold all of us and slid in beside him. Leslie slid in next to me while Embry ordered for the two of them.
"What's up with you?" Bear asked quietly. I knew that Seth would be listening no matter how softly I spoke.
"Nothing," I muttered. "Thanks for buying my dinner."
"Whatever," Bear shrugged and then just looked at me for a moment. His features were stern and off putting to most because of the scowl that often covered his face, but his eyes betrayed his softness. He was concerned about me. My heart softened a little and I knew I could kill two birds with one stone.
"I'll be okay. I'm just a little irritated and I really don't have a good reason. Just give me a little bit of time and I'll be better," I said it for Seth's benefit, not Bear's. Bear just nodded. I looked towards Seth who had just ordered and he caught my eye and nodded minutely. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I'm pretty sure it came out as a grimace. Embry slid in beside Leslie and gave her the salad she ordered and her diet coke. Embry had ordered a 4X4 burger and the thing was HUGE!
"A pizza burger? Really, Bear?" Mark bellowed as he tossed a tray with Bear's order in front of him. My bacon cheeseburger meal was on the tray in Seth's other hand and he placed it lightly in front of me and slid in on the other side of Embry.
"Thank you," I said to Seth. He smiled at me and I could see that he was still a little hurt, but he was trying to give me a little time and space. What the hell was wrong with me? My boyfriend, who had traveled over four hours to come see me every weekend for the past three weekends, was being completely sweet and trying to give me everything that I wanted and needed and I was treating him like dirt.
"What?" Bear asked innocently.
"You wouldn't go out for pizza but you ordered a pizza burger?" Mark asked and Bear smirked. I wouldn't have caught the smirk two weeks ago, it was so slight.
"Did you see Dude's name?" Leslie asked grinning at Bear. She was practically sitting on top of Embry whose revelation about turning into a big dog only endeared him to her more. After she learned about the imprint and its power and security she transformed into a confident person almost overnight. She knew that Embry wasn't going to push her; and that he wasn't going to leave her. She told her parents what happened to her knowing she'd have Embry if they rejected her, even though that was never even a possible reality. And, she started seeing Jasper so that she could be a whole and complete person for Embry. It's like turning into a wolf made it all real to her and made her trust the imprint instead of fear it.
"Yeah, I heard Raven ask him about it; he didn't have a clue," Embry answered.
"What? I had a hankering. All that talk about pizza...looks like the dude did a good job, too," Bear said as he picked up his burger that was dripping with sauce and cheese. Taking a bite forced half of the pizza toppings to ooze over his fingers that he licked clean flashing a shit-eating smile at his brother. Mark grunted and sat down with his own tray.
"Dude was the cashier," I said. "I wonder if Walter was making the burgers." I was trying to steer the conversation to a lighter topic.
"What are you guys talking about?" Seth said, sounding irritated from his end of the booth.
"Remember the movie that Bear made us watch last weekend?" Embry asked. Seth didn't. He was dead asleep. I know because I was sitting on his lap as he snored away. I couldn't blame him, though; he wasn't running patrols anymore, but he was working hard to pull up all his grades before graduation while taking Fridays and Mondays off so he could spend more time with me. My heart softened even more thinking about how he was doing all that for me, too.
"Then why didn't you just get hamburger pizza at the pizza joint?" Mark asked Bear belaboring the point.
"That movie with the bowling?" Seth asked.
"It's not the same as a burger, shit-head!" Bear answered getting more and more irritated with his brother.
"Language," Leslie called, "don't make me tell mom."
"Yeah, that one. It was funny, man!" Embry said and reached his fist across the table for Bear to bump it. Bear complied smearing sauce on to Embry's fist. "You're right, though. It was funnier the second time I watched it." Embry licked the sauce off his knuckles.
"I just don't see what the big deal is," Mark said engulfing half his hamburger in one bite. His squirted mayonnaise out the back which further convinced me that we could never, ever date in a million years even if Seth were hit back a bus and Jasper soothed me with all the loving and romantic feelings he could muster. I couldn't even stand to touch mayonnaise.
"Me, neither," I said almost gagging watching Mark lick the mayo off his finger. "It's really not that big of a deal. Leave it. I like this place and Bear just forced me to try something new."
"Wish I could get you to try something new," Mark mumbled so low, he hadn't meant anyone to hear it. But the two wolves and a freaky blood hybrid at the table did hear it. I looked over at Seth and shook my head faintly and I saw Embry's arm flinch as if he was going to fling it across Seth's chest if he made a move towards Mark. Seth just got up and walked outside.
"Let me out, please," I said quietly to Leslie who pushed on Embry. A quick glance at Mark showed he felt a proper amount of guilt. I might just have to have words with him later. I followed Seth outside to the parking lot where he stood looking out towards the street.
"Do you really think I would leave you for him?" My first inclination was to wrap my arms around his waist and comfort him, but he was being so stupid. He was being as stupid now as I was that night in the woods after my mom went bat-shit crazy and blamed me for Gerry's death. He just grunted and shook his head.
"Seth," I called and my tone was impatient and fed up.
"What?" he said turning towards me. "That douchebag hasn't backed off one bit over the month that you've known him. If he does that shit in front of me what is he doing when I'm four hours away?"
"And you think I'd fall for it?" I was angry now. "That's what's pissing me off, Seth. Do you have so little faith in me and my feelings that you think I'd leave the relationship that I spent my whole life building for some guy I met a month ago? Shit, Seth, way to insult me." Tears rolled down my cheeks. "And after I let you do those things to me and everything we've been through and shared? I'm glad you think so much of me." I turned and started walking away. I couldn't stand to see him anymore if he thought so little of me.
"Raven, wait," his voice faltered, "it's not you I doubt." I heard him come up right behind me, but he didn't touch me. He did know me well. This is my intuitive Seth who knew to come to me, but give me space, too.
"I just don't understand," I muttered and then it dawned on me and finally the light of comprehension clicked on in my brain. He was feeling insecure. Mark was smart and handsome and he got to be here in Portland, a big city, when Seth had to go home on Monday mornings to the little backwoods reservation. I turned around to face my stunningly beautiful twimprint as I had taken to calling it.
"Seth," I said stepping towards him again and this time wrapping my arms around his waist, "I don't want anyone else. I don't want to try anything new. What has you doubting yourself?" His arms wrapped around me and I felt his breath hitch. He didn't answer right away, but I could tell he was thinking about how to phrase something. So I just waited and gave him time like he gave me.
"I've just been thinking that you're going to meet new people in college and what if you find someone who's…I don't know…better." And I thought girls had all the insecurity problems.
"Hey," I called forcing him to look at me, "I've chosen you. There is no one better because I have made my choice and stopped looking." My hands pulled his under my shirt in the back and I forced his fingers to find my bullet wound, "I am yours." He wrapped his arms around me and lifted my feet off the ground to hug me and he swung my feet from side to side. He inhaled my scent and exhaled long into my neck while swinging my legs back and forth. I giggled a little bit.
"I'm sorry. I know all of this. But I've just been trying to give you what you…" I cut him off.
"And that's what's irritating me," I said a much softer tone. "Be Seth. Quit being this pandering kiss up who's only trying to compete with the boy who will never win. Mark will never steal me from you, so quit competing. All you're doing is making me look like a pampered ass. Go back to irritating me like you used to." I smiled and he kissed my lips.
"Okay, baby," he said, "he eats way too much mayonnaise for you anyway." I kissed him through my smile and my feet were still swinging from side to side. We both turned to a strange voice that sounded distantly familiar.
"Umm, Raven?" A well-dressed man asked. Seth lowered me from my elevated hug and made sure I was steady before he released me.
"Yes?" I asked trying to place his face. He looked eerily familiar and my back stiffened. Seth felt something was wrong and his arm wrapped around me again. Then I remembered him. I moved to stand in front of Seth, he wasn't going to take this well.
"Hello, Mr. Pelones." We all just stood there very awkwardly as Seth couldn't place Gerry's last name. I didn't know if Gerry's dad knew about the rumors with my mom, and I wasn't sure how Seth would react towards the father of the guy who raped me. I'm pretty sure Gerry's dad didn't know how to open a dialogue with me.
"How are you doing?" he finally asked awkwardly. "That is such a stupid question," he muttered and his remorse was evident. His disheveled hair and bags under his eyes showed how miserable he was and my heart broke for him. This was not a man who was doing well despite his impeccable attire.
"Mr. Pelones, this is my boyfriend, Seth. Seth, this is Mr. Pelones, he works with my mother and he is…" I couldn't finish the sentence and I stammered trying to figure out how to say it.
"I worked," he stressed the past tense, "with your mother and Gerry was my son," he admitted looking at the ground. I grabbed Seth's hand to comfort him and I'm glad I did because the pre-phase trembling started.
"Raven…I know there is nothing I can do or say to erase what has happened to you," his words sounded sincere and broken, "but I want you to know that I didn't know everything..."
"Sir, I don't know everything either," I stepped forward hushing Seth who let out a small gasp as I did so. "I'm sorry that you lost your son. No matter what he did to whom, he was still your son and this can't be easy." He just nodded numbly.
"I haven't seen nor spoken to your mother lately," he said. "and I've been wondering how you've been doing."
"I haven't spoken to her either," I said dryly and he looked up. "You look surprised."
"Because she said that she couldn't see me anymore because it would hurt you too much," he said softly, "and then she took the job in the other office…I just thought…" he trailed off.
"Well, sir, she basically accused me of premeditating his murder and hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know where she is and I really don't care. Have you heard the rumors?" I asked hesitantly.
"Yes. I guess what you said just confirms them a bit. I'm so sorry. She was your only family wasn't she?" he asked.
"I have a support system who have stepped in to help me." I pulled on Seth's arms and he wrapped them around me. "She's messed up, Sir. I wouldn't lose anymore sleep over her. Seriously."
"Oh, Raven. I'm so sorry. Between her and Gerry they both had me so…fooled. I'm such a fool," he looked so broken. It was the only word my mind could come up with to describe him.
"Hey," I used the same tone I had just used with Seth and I took his hand, "you were trying to raise a troubled kid without any one to help you. And, Mara is no better than a troubled kid," I added.
"You seemed to have turned out okay," he noticed smiling just a little.
"I had Seth's mom picking up the slack," I motioned to Seth who tightened his grip. He no longer had his son's accomplishments to look forward to. He was left with the agony of child who hurt many people and no one to blame but himself. I had to do something…say something.
"Look, Mr. Pelones, I'm having a graduation party in a few weeks. Do you want to come?" I have no idea what prompted me to ask him to my party, but he just looked so lonely and so dejected. This good looking, well dressed man was standing outside the In-and-Out Burger preparing to order takeout. I wanted him to know I didn't hold him responsible for what Gerry did.
"Umm, you really want an old man there?" he chuckled and shook his head.
"There will be other old people there, too," Seth added, "my parents are coming down from La Push and some others to help Raven celebrate." Seth stepped up and said. I really did love him so much.
"I think I'd really like that," he said. "You can contact me through my office." I gave him a reassuring smile.
"I'll do that," I said.
"You're looking really good, Raven. Looks like you're taking very good care of her, Seth." He stuck his hand out to shake Seth's hand and after a moment of hesitation, Seth took it.
Gerry's dad left me his buisness card and walked back to his car. I'm sure he had been planning on getting a burger but he'd obviously changed his mind, or maybe he was going to go drive through instead. I made Seth promise not to say anything to the others. I knew that between Mark and Bear and probably even Embry, they'd end up storming out of the restaurant to have a chat with Gerry's father as soon as they found out he was here. So, instead, Seth and I went back inside, hand in hand and finished our meals. Mark was quiet for the rest of the evening and the more subdued Mark became, the more gregarious Bear became. It made me wonder if he and Leah would be good friends or kill each other.
I knew Seth would want to tell Embry about seeing Mr. Pelones, he could tell him tomorrow on their way back to La Push. Later, much later. I needed him to, anyway since I had just invited him to my party. Seth and I were good again and I didn't want or need any more tension at the In-and-Out Burger. It was fun to see how Bear pushed Mark's buttons.
Later, when we got back to the house, Alice was skipping around singing along to the music blaring through the sound system. I didn't know where Jasper was, but she was in a great mood. Seth said hello and then went back to my room with his bags and then to take a shower.
"So? What do you think, Alice? Tell me how I did!" I begged. I completed the last of my AP exams that day and Alice said she'd tell me my scores when I finished to I didn't have to wait until July for the results.
"Do you really think this is fair to the other kids who took the tests?" Alice chided in her light sprite voice. She wanted to tell me so badly, I could tell.
"No! But it wasn't fair that you told me what to study, either. So I know you're just doing this to drive me crazy. Done. I'm there. Now tell me, please!" I begged.
"Fine," she sang, "if you promise not to freak out over your low score."
"Low score? Which one is low?" I panicked. "It was physics, wasn't it?" I knew it. I sucked at science. Alice smiled and nodded her head. Alice closed her eyes and pretended to be deep in a trance receiving cosmic data. It was a joke we began when she first moved here.
"You got a two on Physics, threes in Chemistry, Biology and Statistics, fours in World History and Human Geography, and fives on US Government and US History. You were insane for taking that many and you should be darned proud of yourself for how you did," she squealed the last sentence and then ran over and gave me a very strangling hug.
"Thanks, Alice!" I squealed jumping up and down with her. She let me go and I told her about the rest of our night and my little fight with Seth and meeting Gerry's father.
"You invited him, huh?" her eyes glazed over trying to see the party. She found ways to see around Seth and others in the pack, but she had to work at it. "I'll have to look into it more. But, I think you're sweet. He might be as big of a victim as you and Leslie," she said.
"That's what I thought," I heard the shower turn off and the bathroom door open. Seth was done with his shower and I wanted to kiss and make up. "Can I see you in the morning?" I asked with a sheepish grin on my face.
"Go get him, girl," she whispered. I practically ran back to my room, following his clean, wolfy scent, and pushed my door open. Seth lay across my bed, shirtless, with a wicked sexy smile on his face.
There wasn't much verbal communication for the next hour except he said something about a reward for my hard work and getting what I had 'cumming' to me. He had turned so dirty when we were alone. I liked it. Dipping fingers and stroking hands led to breathless gasps and hushed orgasms and private, satisfied smirks on both sides. We were both quick studies in pleasing each other.
A while later, I lay splayed across his chest and his hands running up and down my bare back. We discussed the evening and why I let Bear buy my dinner.
"I don't mind that you let him do it-had it been Mark…" I cut him off there and lifted my head to look at him.
"I wouldn't have let Mark," I kissed him. "I know better than to lead him on like that." He kissed me back to show his appreciation.
"I like Bear," Seth admitted with a shrug when I laid my head back on his chest, "he keeps Mark in line. And he's pretty fetchin' funny when he gets all riled up."
"He just reminds you of Leah and you miss her. When are they getting back, anyway?" I asked. They had been gone for almost a month. Jake's pack phased every morning at seven just to check in so they had kept in contact, but it was the longest Seth had ever gone without actually seeing Leah.
"Next week sometime. Everything worked out and Nessie's not in any danger from the Volturi…for now. It was Alice they were really after, but for some reason they can't track her here. And since Bella is there to shield everyone's thoughts, Aro can't see where she is," Seth explained.
I never thought that my parental problems would ever come in handy, but having them help Alice and the rest of the Cullen's avoid the Volturi made me feel a little better about all they had done for me. His fingers were playing with the scar on my back again and I lifted my head to look at his face.
"Why do you do that?" I asked motioning to his hand on my scar. His brow furrowed. "I like it," I soothed, "I was just wondering why you always do it." His brow smoothed and he smiled.
"It reminds me that you're still here after I almost lost you. And, that my blood saved you after I fucked everything up." My heart sank when he said that.
"Hey," I said sitting up and forcing him to look at me, "stop it. You could not have foreseen Gerry being there…with a gun…ready to kill me. He was supposed to be locked up." I climbed in his lap and wrapped my legs around him with my feet hooked behind his back. I cupped his face in my hand and pulled his face towards mine and kissed him lightly. Again, his hands wrapped around me and his fingers found their way to the scar. "You saved me. You and the pack saved me and Charlie took care of the problem. Now," I said running my hands down his bumpy, delicious, defined abs, "I see a problem I can take care of."
His eyes met mine and he smirked as I continued my study in partner gratification.
A/N2: Made some additions to description and as always, my dreadful punctuation.
If you have read any of tsoist elf, you should. Damn that woman knows how to write. She has some very interesting pairings (like Paul/Bella) but they're amazing! I just three days of my life to just ONE of her stories. It was well worth it.