For those of you who are wondering, no knowledge of For Mine Eyes Only is needed to understand this story. It follows its own rules, the two may join together somewhat, but these two boys are sharing very different problems. Grief is one of the things that they are both going through. Those of you who have read the other story may know what may come in some chapters, but not all, as other things happen before and after Spock's diary entires in the first.

And for those interested in pairing the two up, this chapter goes between chapter 6 and 7 of For Mine Eyes Only.

Amanda,

I am not well. By not well I mean I am very worried about my own health.

My heart is broken. In the literal sense, not metaphorical. I had a heart attack earlier and after being examined, the healer found a fault in one of my heart valves. I have been given medication for it, and the Embassy is currently trying to find a doctor who knows the Vulcan heart well enough to perform the surgery.

All our medical doctors seem to be with the colony at this moment in time. Why, I have no idea. Most of the current population is sharing the planet with the humans. It is quite ridiculously crowded here. There is bound to be some humans who know our anatomy, especially of our heart, and be able to perform the surgery needed. I know we have had a few humans join our hospitals and learning of our physiology.

They want to fix this problem fast, as there are few of us in a diplomatic function, and I am needed. Vulcan seems to be relying on the few of us here at the Embassy to make sure everything goes smoothly, and especially me, as I have been Vulcan Ambassador for the Federation and to Earth for a quite a number of years now.

It is a lot of pressure. I knew there were past heart problems in my family line, but not usually in one under 100 years of age. Stress must have set it off early in me. Or perhaps the metaphorical heartbreak of my grief manifested itself into a physical symptom.

I will have the news of whether there is a human doctor qualified to operate on a Vulcan shortly. Until then, I am off duty and told to relax as much as possible.

Relax...the word is much easier to say than to perform what it means. I have not been able to relax since Vulcan caved in and I lost you. So I decided to spend this time writing this letter. I doubt the search will take much longer.

I am worried on how to tell Spock. It is possible I could die during this operation. I could bleed out. My heart may just stop working. Or, it could go well and I will be fit again.

I am unsure how Spock will take the news that I may die. I refuse to lie to him.

I will tell him as soon as I hear news. I may have to wait for a doctor to be brought here to Earth if one cannot be found, but I doubt that is likely.

As humans are always saying in situations like these "Wish me luck."

I wish you were here. You would make this bearable for me.

I love you.

Sarek.