Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.
Author's Note: So without really saying anything, I'd like to say this chapter is critical to the entire story ... it's cohesive in the idea of all three parts ... each part is necessary in its own rite.
This song, "Blackbird" by The Beatles really speaks for itself; there truly was no other song for this chapter. Enjoy it and by all means let me know what you think.
Chapter 16 – Blackbird – Part 1 of 3
Lyrics for "Blackbird" by The Beatles:
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free
Black-bird fly
Black-bird fly, into the light of a dark black night
Black-bird fly
Black-bird fly, into the light of a dark black night
Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
You were only waiting for this moment to arise
Chapter 16 – Blackbird – Part 1 of 3
The trio stood shoulder to shoulder high above the rice paddies with about twenty villagers, all male – the rain was relentless and completely unforgiving, yet the storm was a quiet one – a slow system that had hovered over the island for a day and a half already. As storms go – conditions were variable, unpredictable at best – and yet there seemed to be a pattern within the haphazardness of it all … Mother Nature's natural balance at work again with the strong monsoon winds and heavy rain seeming to taper off at precisely the right moment.
And that's where they were – one of those precise moments of lighter rain and clearer visibility – amidst a reprieve from the nuisance of the wind. The bright blue sea and sky had been marred by the dim grey and brown tones of the storm – but at the moment, the tenacity of the late afternoon sun shining high, high above the thick cloud cover was slowly making a difference now – as Meredith took one last look at the rice paddies. The long beautiful lush green plants laden now, heavy with saturation of water and earth … mud, it was everywhere – even in the air, if that was at all possible – every breath she took was heavy with a thick coating of earth.
But even still, the inescapable rain was not foremost on Meredith's mind, for Mother Nature's balancing act was not the only axis she was worried about – for she was consumed with finding the balance of a happy life – even more so since she picked up Cristina's latest voicemail just this morning. However, she had no output, no way to move on from Cristina's frets, for she was unable to reply to her call as a cell phone signal was virtually unheard of at the moment … so here she was with only time … time on her hands to stew. Over and over again Meredith wondered what she would say to her person who was struggling with the desire to marry Burke, despite the disappearance of her voice since their wedding plans had gotten underway. Cristina hallowed words played in a continuous loop now, her tone so hallow that it broke Meredith's heart to pieces:
"I'm disappearing …,"
"I'm losing myself …,"
"I'm not sure what to do …,"
"Tellme … what to do …,"
But Meredith couldn't – even if she could get a damn cell phone signal, even if she wanted to, she couldn't – how could she voice her opinion matters of the heart? How could she advise Cristina on this one thing, this one life-altering thing? And what had happened to her … her dear strong friend? For the Cristina Yang Meredith knew always knew what to do and what she wanted and how to achieve it! Which only made Meredith wonder … was this marriage right for Cristina? And if Cristina honestly believed it was, how could Meredith help her (and thereby help herself) in finding the keys to a happy fulfilled life – one of balance – how to become their enabler, their own key … to having it all – working, being a wife, raising a family, playing – all in the name of simplifying the quest for satisfaction … could it be done?
Derek took Meredith's hand in his and squeezed, wordlessly offering a reprieve from the perfect storm brewing in her mind. She laced her wet fingers through his and smiled. It had been a rough few hours and yet, they stood here still, waiting to offer their assistance if need be – after all, she and Owen had harvested this rice – why not take the next step and protect the precious grains along with the villagers? And it was with this thought in mind that they made the trip up to the paddies early this morning – rumors of a mudslide abound – all three doctors agreed, the most they could do would be at the scene should there be injuries.
Meredith snaked her free hand under her poncho and into the front pocket of her hoodie, resting her hand their over the baby. She felt the triage tags she put there for safe keeping – green; non-emergent, yellow; delayed care, red; immediate treatment – she chanted to herself, even now when the threat of an immediate mudslide or disaster seemed outlying at best. She smiled and peeked up and to the right at Derek – his mind elsewhere still – a fact Meredith only knew from the broad smile across his face. One that she had seen a handful of times in the last several hours – even with the rain seeping into their every open pore, the effectiveness of their ponchos long gone – the man still smiled.
Owen on the other hand wasn't just somewhere else, she looked to her left now and found his roaming eyes – he was in a zone, a zone of survival; his eyes were wide and all-seeing – he was in crises mode and his intensity at times like this struck two chords with Meredith: awe and fear. Awe for his innate sense to see the bigger picture before it happened, to anticipate the rising situation – he was proactive – almost never reactive. And fear … fear for what he saw that she didn't. It was a balance – one that Meredith was hard-pressed to understand – but could appreciate immensely.
And then her mind fell on Cristina again, for she also had the propensity to strike the chords of those same conflicting feelings in Meredith – yes, Cristina hovered somewhere between awe and fear most of the time – of course her modus operands predicated this … for much like Owen, she was merely surviving in the best way she knew how.
When the interns first met, Meredith remembered being in awe of Cristina's tenacity – her drive, her will, her competitive spirit – and not to say Meredith didn't embody all of those traits, but Cristina took the idea of competitiveness to a whole new level, she was certainly someone who had something to prove. And in some ways she was inspiring – but in other ways Cristina unleashed a deep fear within Meredith – for at times Cristina reminded her too much of her mother. It was true, both women were forces of nature but the circumstances of their meeting never ceased to amaze Meredith, for just when she lost the awe and fear her mother brought forth – just when Ellis initially lost her mind – Cristina appeared (along with Meredith in the very same hospital where she spent countless hours as a child).
Meredith smiled now … was this just for the sake of balance? Would she perpetually live beside a woman who balanced her axis of awe and fear? It seemed she would, for Meredith would never give up on Cristina … which brought her mind back to balancing acts.
"So about where were you?" Derek asked. "During the harvest," he clarified, his soft melodic voice breaking through the cacophony of thoughts that consumed Meredith's mind.
"Hmm, see right down there, midway along that first terrace," she said pointing with pride. Derek smiled.
"Right below that tree at the top of the ridge then?" he asked, moving closer.
"Right about there," she answered with a smile. She peeked up and he glanced down, they met somewhere in the middle.
"Wow," he said and that broad smile returned – he was so damn proud of her – he found her eyes and silently told her as much. "So … what's on your mind?" he asked.
Meredith breathed, the wet air attacked her lungs and she shifted on her feet, her toes cold and wet from the rain as were her jeans from about her knees down, she was soaked through and through … they all were.
"Balancing acts," she said elusively.
Owen chuckled; both Meredith and Derek glanced at him. "That's my exit," he said with a wry grin, the amusement in his eyes surely hidden by the dark green color of his poncho. "I'm gonna gather a couple men to check the stability of those sandbags down there," he said, pointing to an area just above Meredith's terrace and without looking back, he was gone.
"So … Cristina?" Derek asked with a knowing smile.
Meredith smirked, turning into him. "Yes," she sighed, was nothing sacred anymore … did the man have to read her mind? She giggled out loud.
His happy eyes scanned hers. "You'll feel better once you speak with her," he offered with encouragement.
Meredith pressed her lips together. "Maybe …," she sighed, the rain tapering off again as they spoke. "The thing is … I'm not sure what to say to her … do you … have any ideas?" she prompted.
He chuckled. "I wish I had the answer, but one thing's for sure – no matter what you say to her – I'm on your side …," he smiled and so did Meredith. "Just … proceed with caution," he advised with another smile.
She squeezed his hand again and laughed. "Caution … she still scares you?" she said, giggling breathlessly now at her lover.
Derek turned to face Meredith, drawing her near. She looked into his eyes, sparkling now against the dull gray sky. "No … it's just …," Derek sighed, taking both of Meredith's hands in his. "She and Burke have this strange balance to them … I can't put my finger on it … but …," he tried to explain the complexity he saw in their relationship, words failed him.
"It's a take-take relationship – it hit me when Burke had that tremor – they give to each other, but strangely at the same time those giving actions actually take …," Meredith tried to articulate.
"Yes … and for a long while it seemed to work … for them," Derek offered.
"But …," Meredith prompted.
"But if she's losing herself in the process, the balance is off, something … or someone rather, has to 'give'," Derek replied.
"So … what's there to say – don't lose yourself to the one you love – commit yourself – surrender – but still be yourself," she sighed. "Matters of the heart are so frustratingly –,"
"Complicated," Derek finished for her.
"Something like that," Meredith answered, finding his eyes in the darkening sky. Derek leaned down and pressed his wet, warm lips to hers.
"Seems this thing is winding down," Derek muttered against her lips. "Quiet storm," he said gathering her into his arms. Meredith closed her eyes for a beat – her legs shook like Jell-O after standing for so long – she was losing steam, just like the storm and kissing Derek wasn't helping either, for he had a way to make her weak in the knees with just one pulse of his lips against hers.
"It is quiet," came Ketut's soft voice from behind them. Meredith opened her eyes to find her.
"Ketut," Meredith said softly – finding her soft brown eyes under the steeple of her straw hat – always happy to see her dear friend, instantly warmed by her energy.
"Hello Ketut," Derek said, another broad smile covered his face.
"Hello friends," Ketut said as she seemed to float over to the couple. She smiled and pressed a warm hand to Meredith's forearm. "Come, Meri," she requested gently, an air of mystery locked within her deep gateways.
"Where are you taking her this time Ketut?" Derek half-joked, but was more curious than anything else.
"Baby is coming … maybe inside the hour," she smiled. "Mother is near … come play, Meri," she giggled. "Come catch with me," she said slowly as those flecks of orange in her soulful eyes woke up.
Meredith smiled from ear to ear and glanced from Derek to Ketut and back again. Her smile was big and fat and excited and new … Derek melted inside.
She leaned up and kissed Derek. "Do you need me here?" she asked.
"I always need you," Derek said smiling as his sappiness. Meredith giggled. "Go … have fun my love," he said softly as he bent down and brushed her lips with his. "Go catch a baby," he whispered, kissing her soft and quick.
"Derek," Meredith sighed, she scanned his eyes. "Be careful," she whispered in the same hushed tone. "For us … be careful," she sighed, her eyes wet now. She turned to find Ketut looking on with her happy eyes. "Where will we be?" she asked.
"Down this way," Ketut said, pointing to a small road behind them. "One family place … then on the right," she said, pointing her finger.
Derek smiled and gathered Meredith in his arms once more. "I have an idea where you'll be," he laughed. "We'll be here … we'll wait for you here," he encouraged, knowing there was no way he would let her miss this experience.
"I'm going then," she whispered against his mouth one last time before she pulled back and winked. She walked backwards for several beats until she reached Ketut. Ketut beamed and so did Derek.
"Go … have fun," Derek encouraged again from his same spot, his breath taken again by Meredith's radiant beauty, even with her poncho gathered around her face, her happy eyes, her gateways revealed her true beauty in perpetuity.
"Come Meri," the soulful woman said, turning towards the small dirt pathway – and Meredith went with her again without question – she followed Ketut into the light of a dark black night.
And as she did, Meredith took a moment to revel in Ketut's serene energy – she was so calm, so sure … much like the storm that hovered overhead – Meredith smiled now and as their steps brought them closer and closer to the laboring woman all she could do was think about anything and everything she ever learned during her obstetrics rotations – although she was acutely aware that experience would be unlike anything she had ever encountered before – medically or otherwise. A chill of excitement ripped up and down her spine as they came to a stop in front of a door-gate along the wall of family's compound. Meredith looked back, finding Derek's silhouette next to the tree now at the top of the ridge and smiled, he was right where she left him.
Ketut knocked on the door-gate and while they waited, Meredith finally took stock of some useful information – having only been inside one other Balinese family compound before – she pushed through her excited mind to remember what she had learned about the basic family compound structure. For now more than ever she appreciated the fact that most Balinese family compounds were built with the same walled design – focusing inward to the interior gardens … never out – with designated bales (open sided pavilions) for each function of life – worship, sleeping, cooking, eating, washing – with the bales organized like the human body.
So at the head of the compound – always facing the mountains – the family sleeping pavilion would sit, flanked of course by the shoulders of the family temple and shrine. Arms are signified by additional sleeping areas for relatives and guests. Legs are represented by the kitchen and rice barn … there's even an anus (of course the garbage pit). The gate opened, an older man with bright white hair smiled brightly and held the heavy door open for Ketut and Meredith.
Ushered inside without a word, the women followed the man around the aling, aling (a small wall used to block evil spirits) and into the interior gardens. If there were any other family members at home, Meredith did not see them. For without a traditional living room, the outside verandas and seating areas were all but abandoned in the rain. Meredith smiled – the earth and rain suddenly reeked of birth – and on this thought, Ketut made a sidelong glance at her and smiled brightly. They wordlessly followed the man to the washing room, taking a few steps up to enter; Meredith took one last deep breath of the fresh, damp air before she crossed over the threshold with Ketut.
The older gentleman closed the door behind them – Meredith allowed her eyes to adjust to the dim light coming only from several oil lamps – while Ketut removed her hat and swiftly crossed the room to a small area off to the corner where the laboring women sat Indian style in a steaming bath dotted with colorful fragrant flower petals. Simple mats made of woven straw hung from the open walls, protecting the space from the wind and rain just outside. The rhythmic haphazard sound of the rain was a soothing soundtrack for the moment, strongly repelling against the rage reverberating from Meredith's excited heart. She allowed her eyes to move along Ketut's back as she spoke to the woman in a hushed tone – Meredith hung back, waiting for an invitation to come forward – taking the opportunity to absorb the energy of her surroundings.
She took a deep breath of the warm, heavy air in an effort to calm her racing heart, but she smiled instead – the scent of the air familiar now – for swirling up and around her was a delicious combination of hibiscus, gardenias, jasmine and incense – the powerful mixture smelled like home – calming her now as it made contact with her lungs. Her eyes roamed along the space some more, all the while she melted inside from Ketut's soothing words of encouragement, albeit in her native tongue (Bahasa Indonesia), which seemed to make no difference, for her beautiful tone and the intensity of her message transcended above any language barrier that existed at that moment.
The laboring woman moaned and closed her eyes – Ketut spoke to her again, a small smile formed along the woman's face – Meredith's hand found her own belly. For the first time she noticed there were two other women in the room, both dressed in more casual tops, but beautiful saris nonetheless. One was much older and the other possibly in her early twenties – both women smiled appreciatively as if they expected her to be there – Meredith returned their sentiments in kind. She moved her gaze, watching as Ketut approached her with a large grin.
"Meri come," she smiled. "Take off," she said, tugging on the sleeve of her poncho. Meredith did as she asked and lay it down near Ketut's bag in the corner near the steaming tub.
Meredith made brief eye contact with the laboring woman again – and the woman wordlessly returned her gaze – her brown eyes sparkling now against the dim lights and from that moment on, Meredith was riveted by her.
For the woman looked like an angel … or something close to it …
With the steam rising from the water, there was an added element of secrecy to her …
She knew something no one else knew …
She held the key to life in her hand …
She coveted the missing piece everyone was searching for …
She was ethereal …
She was powerful …
She was a mother …
Her long dark hair was pulled up into a messy bun – she moved her hand out of the water, pressing the tiny fly away hairs from her forehead – the water splashing, the scent of the flowers breezed through the space in response. Meredith stood in her same spot, engulfed by the moment, unsure of what she should do next. The woman's face was flushed and her dark brown skin did nothing to conceal her ruby pink cheeks.
"Meri come closer," Ketut said, finding Meredith's unwavering gaze. She did as she was told and came to stand next to her. "This is Nyoman …" she whispered. "Nyoman is also coming," Ketut added happily.
The woman nodded in assent, her long and lean neck angled upwards now – she was poised, graceful – her shoulders glistened with dew, her large beautiful breasts floated freely just above her protruding belly – the women locked eyes and Meredith watched some kind of force rip through the Nyoman – Meredith instinctually counted although she barely flinched. Meredith found her abdomen had just contracted for twenty seconds, maybe twenty-five. Meredith smiled and relaxed again along with her. By the chosen name she knew this would be Nyoman's second baby. And then she had to wonder, was she this calm the first time around? She smiled … perhaps she was – or perhaps it was Ketut's aura – but no matter what it was, Meredith felt spiritually calm from just sharing her space.
Ketut leaned down and murmured something to Nyoman, who then uncrossed her legs and leaned back against the tub ledge while Ketut pushed her sleeve up and submersed her hand into the water, pressing one hand on top of Nyoman's belly and the other against her vaginal opening. Ketut smiled and locked her eyes with Nyoman's, whose eyes wordlessly danced in response. Ketut looked up and back to Meredith announcing that it was almost time, but all Meredith could see was the magic of the moment as it floated in the air they all breathed.
Ketut stood up and broke through Meredith's reverie. She wiped her hands off and spoke to Meredith. "Let us prepare," Ketut ordered gently. Meredith followed her lead.
She walked to a small wicker linen cabinet and pulled some brown towels from the large shelf. She handed them to Meredith. She crossed the small space to her bag and pulled out a long horn-like instrument – it was smooth around the edges, one side had a wide lip, while the other side was narrow – it was about seven inches long. Meredith cocked her head with curiosity, all in due time, she supposed silently. Calling for the other women, Ketut bent down and laid a large drop cloth on the floor as they gathered around and helped her spread the cloth down. She then moved a low stool with a carved out seat and placed it in the middle of the drop cloth, a larger chair sat right behind this stool. Nyoman moaned in the background and Meredith turned to find her – the laboring woman moved through her contraction with peace – rising above it, at least for now.
"About how long?" Meredith whispered.
"Less than one half hour … she is ready," she said with authority. "Baby will crown … soon," she added, taking the towels from Meredith. She placed them on the floor next to the small stool. "Gravity …," she said with a smile, turning her attention back to Nyoman.
The rain picked up outside – the intermittent splatter dropped against the straw mats now – as Meredith watched Ketut approach the tub. She leaned down whispered something indiscernible into Nyoman's ear causing her to smile – a soft animalistic whine filled the room – but her eyes remained closed and she smiled all the same, her long brown fingers nestled low along her beautiful large belly. Unexpected tears collected in Meredith's eyes – unable to stop them – she felt them spray along her cheeks. She sniffled and Ketut turned to her. She crossed the room and put her arm around Meredith.
"Meri … do you … feel Nyoman's … power?" she asked with a conspiratorial gleam in her eyes, she lay her hand along Meredith's belly.
"I think so," Meredith answered honestly, her tone hushed, her voice cracked as her eyes focused on Nyoman … so beautiful, so serene.
"She is close … do you feel … she is ready…," she asked, Meredith turned her attention to Nyoman, her family women flanked her shoulders now. One pressed a washcloth to her head. "She has … surrendered …," she stated softly.
"Surrendered," Meredith muttered with awe; her hand falling to her own belly, finding Ketut's already there. She instinctually leaned into her warmth … she had no choice.
"You need this … time … with Nyoman … to ready yourself," Ketut counseled. Meredith's heart shook with anticipation just thinking about what might be … infinite possibilities were abound.
"She is a missing piece," Meredith offered softly, looking for confirmation of the deep hidden secrets held in Ketut's warm brown eyes. "For me," she added softly.
"For you … Nyoman is …," Ketut smiled. "Meri," she giggled, leaning in. "So smart … you are," she smiled knowingly – her eyes so deep, so powerful – tears lined her eyes again without recourse. Meredith blinked and let them fall. She left them there.
"Do you see … Nyoman has … disappeared … stepping with care to be the lost one … the woman to … deliver … life," she murmured, the women looked at the Nyoman as another whine fell from her lips. "See … she is ready to … move, to surrender," she said softly.
"Surrender," Meredith whispered.
"Yes … only you can ... open yourself … lose yourself … and find yourself …," she said seriously, but her eyes danced with excitement all the same. "Surrender … only you can … only you … must …," Ketut whispered.
"Surrender," Meredith whispered once more, this time finishing the mantra for Ketut.
Meredith's tears were gone now – for somehow she had arrived somewhere else – and she really was lost, but hopelessly found.
Her hand fell to her belly and her mind fell on Derek and she melted inside.
She had indeed surrendered to the moment.
And from that minute on everything moved in slow motion –for even though Ketut moved swiftly through her directives – somehow Meredith had found herself somehow stuck – right in between awe and fear – she was suddenly right back where she started, somewhere in between her mother and Cristina.
Ellis floated into her mind – a force of nature, even now – and with all of her might, Meredith pushed her aside … for she had no place here.
And Cristina … Meredith would speak with her later, for now she had an idea now of what to say to her 'disappearing' friend.
Meredith turned her attention back to the scene before her as the older woman whispered into Nyoman's ear with haste, causing her to open her eyes at once. And without hesitation, there was movement as the women helped her stand up. The warm water cascaded down around her – that protective sheathe now gone, tufts of steam swirled off of her deep brown skin – until all that remained was the gloriously beautiful Nyoman and her low and enormous belly of life.
Ketut called for Meredith and all four women helped Nyoman from the tub, ushering her to the stool where she promptly lowered herself, her beautiful belly hanging low in between her raised knees now, she sat down – a birthing stool – Meredith smiled with her realization – low to the ground and U-shaped – to allow easy access to mother and baby, ideal for 'catching'. The older woman draped a plush celery-colored towel along Nyoman's shoulders, patting her dry and wordlessly offering her reassurance as she did. Ketut took the horn-like instrument and placed the wide-lipped side low against Nyoman's belly. She rested her hand down on top of her dark brown mound and pressed her ear up to the narrow end … it was a fetoscope! Meredith sighed with awe, silently wondering how many baby hearts had been heard through the relic. Ketut looked up and found Meredith's shining eyes.
"Meri … come listen," she encouraged, her voice full of wonder, even now … after countless years of listening.
Meredith snapped her hair tie from her wrist and threw her blond, unruly locks up in a messy ponytail. She crossed the small space and crouched down next to Ketut. She placed her hands where Ketut's were and pressed her ear to the narrow end of the fetoscope – the baby's thunderous heartbeat funneled into her ear immediately – it sounded like wild horses racing along the beach … waves crashed and the swell of the water moved in Meredith's mind, it was like listening to the ocean through a sea shell – and then there was this baby, who was as alive as the ocean was – living as it did in perpetuity within sea shells all over the world. Tears of joy gathered – was this too much for her little pregnant heart – the 'pregnant her' answered, 'No'.
She reluctantly pulled away and smiled at Ketut who smiled in return. She stood and spoke with the older woman who sat down at her place on the higher chair behind the birthing stool. Nyoman instinctively leaned back and into her surety, the woman snaked her hands low around Nyoman's belly where they held each other there. Ketut pushed back on one of Nyoman's thighs, while the younger woman held her other thigh in place with one hand, her other hand pressed into the crease of her thigh next to her mound.
"Meri … look," she murmured softly.
Meredith smiled – the baby was crowning – Nyoman's vaginal lips offering just a glimpse in the perfect shape of an eye – about the size of a papaya – pulsing, stretching around the baby's soft head … black hair slick with amniotic fluid, beautiful and soft and already perfect! Ketut pulled a pair of latex gloves from her pocket and Meredith did the same, instantly recalling she had shoved a supply into the pocket of her hoodie earlier. Ketut placed two of the large brown towels directly under the birthing stool. The younger woman handed a stack of small white towels to Ketut. She placed them at her feet.
Nyoman moaned softly then and Meredith looked up and found her concentrated face, once again in awe of this woman's power. She allowed her gaze to drop, focusing now on her abdomen for a beat – and in that moment Meredith swore she could see the vibrations of the contraction as Nyoman 'surrendered' once again – and then all was quiet, eerily so …so different than in the West where many women used mental markers – counting their way through birth … moving through the moment – but right here, right now, everything was quiet, except for the natural humming energy and the stormy weather outside – yes, all was quiet – splat, splat, splat went the rain as the storm carried on.
Meredith watched as Ketut crouched low between Nyoman's thighs. She ran her fingers under the ridge of her vaginal lips, massaging her perineum and vaginal hood as she did – Nyoman's vagina reacted to the stimulus – opening a small amount more, slowly pulsing …moving … birthing.
"Meri … feel," instructed Ketut.
Meredith knelt down and caressed the baby's crown – fast energy coursed through her on first contact – zipping up and down her spine, finally stinging her in the heart and deep inside her own womb! Had she ever seen or felt anything more beautiful?
"And here," Ketut muttered, smiling with glee now as she took Meredith's fingers and passed them under Nyoman's taut vaginal folds. "Gentle hands … both brown," she teased, referencing once again the color of Meredith's tanned skin. "We are … same now," she whispered, both women smiled from ear to ear, joined hand in hand … playing 'catch'.
The sensation of Nyoman's contraction jarred Meredith – stealing her breath – and the moving force of 'birth' consumed her as she felt Nyoman's muscles move over her fingers – constrict, pulse, release, constrict, pulse, release – the mother's power was intense … the baby's head moved further through the birth canal, now the size of a large orange, the entire crown was visible just above the baby's tiny ears which Meredith could feel with her submersed fingers. Some amniotic fluid trickled from her opening now, the baby's head covered thick membranes.
"And here," Ketut said, taking Meredith's other hand, she moved it to the underside of Nyoman's large belly which was rock-hard with contraction – humming to its own melody now under her palm – and in that moment, Meredith became suffused to the experience – she acquiesced, silently 'surrendering' in her own way – with one hand on Nyoman's belly and the other on the baby's crown … she was connected. Nyoman sighed – low and guttural – her belly became softer, the wave of the contraction crashed against the shore.
"Almost time," Ketut muttered, releasing Nyoman's thigh, she stood up. Meredith followed suit, the women collectively relaxed along with the energy, each no doubt enjoying the momentary reprieve as hard rain pelted all around them.
Ketut leaned into Nyoman's ear and whispered to her – Meredith watched with interest – as Nyoman's secret smile adorned her beautiful face once again. Meredith stood back and glanced along her entire form – trying desperately to fuse the moment to her mind's eye now – for she was sure she never wanted to forget any small detail. She never wanted to forget this night or Nyoman …
Or her angelic face, fully surrendered to the moment …
Or her breasts hanging free, dark, large nipples ready to feed her baby …
Or her thighs relaxed in a moment of submission …
Or her taut, ready abdomen, her pulsing vagina …
Or her baby's crowing head, still protected by mother, still attached via their cord, still dependant … not yet a free living entity.
The quake of another contraction effectively woke Meredith up – Ketut was already kneeling down as the movement rocked Nyoman's whole body – her brow knitted with concentration, another low guttural whine came from her pursed lips … and then the gift – the baby's head emerged a little more – one ear having passed above the vaginal opening. Ketut took the baby's head in her hands and gently moved her fingers under the vaginal lips again – massaging, soothing, cooing – as she did before she turned around to Meredith and wordlessly asked her to kneel down with her.
The air was suddenly hot and sticky – the rain outside pounded hard against the thatch-topped roof – once again adding to the natural tempo of the moment, the storms (both inside and outside) gathering speed and inertia now as Nyoman's abdomen and vaginal muscles pulsed again – she moaned in response, her breathing hitched – her face …concentrated. Ketut ran her against under the ridge of her vagina; low around the baby's chin, her fingers disappearing under Nyoman's hooded clit once more.
"Meri … here," she said, massaging Nyoman's soft, yet taut vaginal lips.
Meredith leaned forward and Ketut took her fingers, moving them under Nyoman's hood – she picked up where Ketut left off – massaging the flesh and nerves, her fingers moving into the vagina under the hood, stopping briefly as to hold the baby's crown in place as the vibrations of another contraction pulsed through Nyoman's body – the woman bore down, her thighs pressed back, her knuckles white, a small whine – and with that the rest of the baby's head was miraculously delivered!
Tears stung Meredith's eyes as she held the small skull in her hands – so delicate, two perfect little ears, one button nose, so real, so wondrous … a pair of lips in the shape of a heart – her maternal soul went absolutely wild and she caught Ketut's shining eyes. Nyoman's hand flew down; wordlessly caressing her sweet little one, welcoming and loving already.
Working in tandem now, Meredith continued to hold the baby's head while Ketut moved a small white cloth around the vaginal opening, wiping fluid away with small gentle movements, mostly along the baby's chin and neck. Meredith sucked in a deep breath of air – she felt like she was suspended in time – her mind moving through any and every medical fact she ever learned about childbirth.
She was completely in awe now, shaking with indescribable joy as she held this little one's head – knowing that he or she was about to take the most arduous breaths of its entire life – that within seconds of birth, about twenty-five million little alveoli (air sacs) would be filled with air for the first time, having been filled with fluid up until this point. Remembering now that the hole in the partition between the heart's atria would be sealed – as the umbilical cord will be rendered useless – and the baby's blood and oxygen flows will be redirected to become self-sufficient.
Ketut murmured a directive, Nyoman's head lolled back, she gasped for air now, her vaginal muscles clenching hard as she bore down, her thighs held back and away, she was open, she was ready … the baby's complete emergence into the world imminent now! Ketut held a small white towel over Nyoman's anus, her wiping action low and away, low and away as Meredith maintained her gentle hold on the baby's skull and neck, slipping her fingers into Nyoman's vagina to secure her grip.
"Shoulders next Meri," Ketut directed. "Do you feel?" she asked.
Meredith moved her fingers, placing them around the baby's small left shoulder. "I feel it," she whispered, barely able to speak through the emotions lodged in her throat.
Ketut stroked the area once more with the towel before dropped it and pressed her fingers – palm side up – under Nyoman's hood, lifting the muscles up, pressing up and over her clit area with her opposite thumb as she did. "Gentle now … turn … see the space?" Ketut asked, motioning to the small space she just created.
"Yes," Meredith whispered. "I see it," she said as her heart raced with excitement.
"Next move … you will … catch baby," she directed breathlessly. Meredith's eyes caught hers. But she only nodded in assent, silently offering words of encouragement.
Ketut moved her gaze back to the task, the contraction started and Meredith seized the opportunity, gently turning the baby – ever so slightly, a quarter of an inch was all the baby needed – before all of a sudden there was an abundance of space and power as the baby's shoulder was delivered and Meredith caught the little one in mid air – warm and wet and petite and perfect – Ketut laughed with joy as she and Meredith raised the baby up, resting her at Nyoman's bosom!
Sighs of relief were exhaled. And a loud new wail filled the small quiet space – overpowering even the pounding rain now – the baby's first sound, first word to the world … everything was fine, all was how it should be! Ketut grabbed the last clean brown towel and draped it over mother and baby, holding the infant there as tears popped from five … no, six pairs of eyes.
Meredith leaned back on her heals, she was literally shaking, her whole body humming now – with a residual tempo of her own making – as she took a moment to relish in the pure unfettered joy housed within the small room. She looked at the flushed shining faces of all of the women and vowed never to forget how whole and healed and utterly complete she felt, right here, right now.
"Nyoman … is a girl," Ketut announced happily. "Strong … healthy … beautiful … and oh so smart," she cooed, Meredith smiled.
"She's beautiful," Meredith whispered, standing now, she peeked at Nyoman who actually winked in response –while little Nyoman's alert eyes already focused on her mother's large and ready nipple – her rooting response in high gear, instinctually hungry from her demanding journey. Tufts of her thick beautiful black hair stood on end as she found her mother's nipple for the first time, grasping it with her perfect baby fingers, tenacious to a point.
Meredith watched with interest as Nyroman's abdomen began to expel the afterbirth – the placenta and membranes – slowly and surely Ketut would begin to check the contents to make sure nothing was left behind.
She stood and pressed her warm, healing hands over the baby's back as she spoke in a hushed tone with Nyoman, whose flushed face seemed to be the only evidence of her laboring.
She simply glowed – her aura of motherhood was plentiful, enough for all women at this precise moment – she was truly a goddess.
She moved little Nyoman and held her to her breast, teasing her lips with her ready nipple – the baby latched on and began to suck – Ketut grasped a pair of surgical scissors and cut the umbilical cord about an inch away from little Nyoman's belly … satisfied now that the baby was her own person … her own living entity … her own woman.
Ketut added the cord to the afterbirth pile and continued to monitor the delivery of the placenta. She turned to Meredith and smiled, perhaps more genuinely and happy than in all the times since the two women had known each other – for they bore witness to a miracle – both together and apart from one another and it was a beautiful thing. And somehow the shared experience solidified their relationship, propelling the women light years into the future and beyond – not simply bonded by the clinic or the trust or even friendship – but by pure adoration and love.
###
About a half hour later Ketut and Meredith exited the door-gate – joyful celebration was alive within the walls of the family compound now – as the rain came down in sheets. The women walked arm in arm, huddled together against another powerful storm surge, one they also had no control over. Meredith smiled and glanced at Ketut again, offering yet again her silent prayer of thanks for their merging pathways. She was blessed, pure and simple.
Meredith and Ketut scanned the ridge above the rice paddies where they left Derek and Owen but all they could see was the drop off. As they rounded the small corner, Meredith strained her eyes through the rain and darkness – her heart lurched into her throat – sick with worry, yet she had no idea why until saw Owen's crouched form as he stood next to the capsized root of the tree overlooking her portion of the rice terraces.
She and Ketut began to run forward at once, each taking in Owen's stance as they floated and floated getting closer and closer – his one hand gripping the enormous tree root and the other hidden below the ridge he was leaning over – something was amiss!
Something had gone terribly wrong!
And then they heard the shrill of his call and knew they were right!
"DO NOT SURRENDER!" Owen boomed. "I HAVE YOU BOTH!" he called out into the black night all around them.
Chapter 16 – Blackbird – Part 2 of 3 to follow.