Chapter 36 Giving In for the Sake of Love
"Blue? Are you awake?" Meryl knocked softly on the door to Blue's room, opening it as she did so.
Her eyes softened dramatically when she saw her friend sitting up on her bed, heaving softly into her hands.
"Oh Blue…" she and the other two made their way to her side, concern etched on their faces.
Slowly, she brought her face up to look at them, her amethyst eyes puffy and red from her crying. "Guys…" she choked lightly, her bottom lip quivering.
Meryl leaned forward and wrapped her arms about the other plants slim shoulders, pulling her into a hug. "How are you feeling? Physically, I mean?"
After a few moments, Blue found her voice amidst her tears. "I feel ok…"
"What happened Blue?" Milly stepped forward and Blue sat back from Meryl, her tears threatening to fall again.
"Knives and I had a fight. A really bad one." She confirmed, sniffing and reaching to wipe her face.
"He…came home crying…" Shiori said softly.
"It doesn't surprise me. I said something terrible…" Blue whispered, her eyes unfocused as she stared at nothing.
They went silent for a time, Blue's soft sniffles the only sounds in the room.
"Do you…want to talk about it?" Meryl finally broke the silence and Blue sighed, feeling her tears beginning to subside.
"I…well, you know what it was about. Children. Always children." Blue smiled softly, almost in sarcasm. "Aren't children supposed to bring joy? Not sadness…"
"Blue…does he still not want them? Even after the fact that you were pregnant?" Meryl asked and Blue shook her head.
"No…he still thinks he would be terrible at it."
"How does he know? He's never even tried…" Shiori said and Blue nodded.
"That's what I think. But…I don't see us coming to an agreement on this…so…"
She went silent, a flash of guilt moving over her face.
"So…what Blue?" Meryl coaxed and Blue's eyes welled up again.
"He asked me if that's what I wanted…for him to leave…and I said yes." She buried her head in her hands, heaving.
"Oh Blue…" Milly said sadly.
Shiori stared at her for a time, running things over in her head. "Blue…you didn't mean that…we all know that, and I'm sure he does too."
"I know! But, I don't see how this will work! When we both have such different feelings about it!"
"A relationship is about compromises. Sacrifices have to be made to make the other happy…right?" Meryl soothed, running her hand over Blue's back.
"I know…and I thought I could do it…I thought I could make the sacrifices necessary…but I don't know if I can!"
"But you love him…right?" Meryl continued and Blue nodded quickly.
"You know I do! More than life itself…"
"So then, tell him that. And ask him what he wants you to do. Blue, if you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go. Maybe…he needs to let you go, so you can be happy…"
"I could never be happy without him…" she said softly and Meryl's smile broadened.
"Then there you have it. You could make the sacrifice, because you love him that much."
Blue stared at her hands a long while, contemplating her friend's words.
Could she do it? Could she live with Knives forever without having children?
"I don't know…"
"Do you love him?" Meryl's question echoed in her mind."Yes…"
"Could you live without him? Even if you did leave and find someone else to give you children…would that make you happy?" Milly asked.
Blue shook her head. "No! I want Knives to be the one to do that! Not someone else…" she trailed off, realization dawning over her. She really had been happy still with him, even without kids. His smile, his eyes, his kind words, his touch, his strong presence, his need for her…she loved everything about him. And the thought of not having him in her life was too much too bare.
She nodded slowly, more to herself. "I'll do it…I can do it…even if it's hard. Because…I love him."
Meryl smiled as she stood. "Somehow, I knew that you would say that. And besides…we plants live a long time. He has changed so much Blue…he could still change…"
Blue locked eyes with her, feeling a small smile on her face. "You're right. I could still change his mind. But…I can live with this. And I will…"
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Knives sat on the couch next in between Vash and Tasuki, leaning forward so that his head rested in his hands, elbows to his knees.
Jesse watched him silently, still amazed at the other plant's display of emotion. He didn't think it possible for someone like Knives to cry so much.
"Hey…you feeling good enough to talk about it man?" Tasuki elbowed him lightly, trying to get to his friend.
Knives sat back slowly, eyes dry, but slightly puffy. He sighed heavily. "Blue and I had a fight. It was the worst we have ever had." He said dully, eyes staring at nothing.
"Was it about…children?" Tasuki ventured timidly and his friend nodded.
"What else? She still wants them…and I don't know what to do…"
"Tell me why you don't want them brother." Vash said.
"You know why. I…" he glanced briefly to Jesse, continuing. "I don't know how to be one…and I think I would be terrible at it.
"So, you're afraid, then?" Vash prodded a little firmer and Knives tensed ever so slightly.
"Well…yes…you could say that."
"What is it that you are afraid of Knives? That your children would turn out wrong? That they would hate you?"
Knives tensed further, feeling himself beginning to get defensive. In all the years' prior, Knives had always been the stronger of the two, Vash usually being the one to back down from him. But it was far different now… "Maybe…I really don't know, Vash." He said in a clipped tone.
"Well, I suggest you figure it out then, brother. This isn't fair to your wife."
"It doesn't matter. She told me to leave anyways." He bit out, feeling his eyes tear up again.
Tasuki's mouth dropped. "Leave??"
Knives nodded. "I told her that's what I would do if she really wanted…"
Vash shook his head, frustration in his voice. " Oh, and I suppose that you are just going to do it then? Knives, you are being stupid, you realize this? If we lived our whole life fearing loss and hatred, what kind of life would we be living? How do you know you wouldn't be a great father? I didn't know what it would be like, but it is the most wonderful feeling in the world!"
His twin shook his head. "You just don't understand…"
"What's there to understand?? You're afraid. Period. Blue has been nothing but supportive to you. Hasn't she changed you for the better? Hasn't she given you everything that you say you didn't deserve? Hasn't she loved you despite your past or your flaws??"
Knives looked angered at his brother. "Well, Vash, what would you have me do?? What the hell would you do in my place??"
"I would step up, be a man, and give her what she wants! Simple as that!"
Knives's eyes widened at the determination in Vash's voice and felt his anger deflate immediately.
"Think about it. That woman was the one who saved you brother! Not me, not anybody else. It was Blue! She did it! Now tell me…would you want to loose the most precious thing in the world because of your fear? Could you really live without her?"
"She told me to leave…" Knives said miserably and Vash stood suddenly.
"Millions Knives! Do you really think she meant that?? Do you really think that she could live without you either? She loves you so much! Now quit stalling, and you get up there and tell her the same! Hold her, love her and tell her how sorry you are! For everything! She is going through hell right now, even more so than you." Vash crossed his arms, daring his brother to question him.
All at once, Knives felt very small, truly feeling stupidity like never before. "You're…right…I couldn't live without her…"
Blue was like the air he breathed every day, like the sun and light, like the skies above. She was his life, his world…his very existence. And he found that whereas he feared children, he feared loosing her even more.
His eyes widened as he came to that understanding. He would rather have the dread of being a bad father than face the panic of loosing the only woman he could ever love.
Vash watched the emotions play across his twin's face and smiled. "Go on Knives. Go bring her home."
Hs stood, nodding. "You're right…I shouldn't have ever let it go this far…" he headed towards the door quickly, suddenly feeling an intense need to be in her presence, to feel her arms around him, to know that she still loved him…
He stopped briefly at the door, looking at Vash and Tasuki. "Thank you." It was all he said before heading out into the night.
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"Are you sure it's ok to let her go home now doctor?" Meryl questioned her trusted friend and he nodded, handing her a bag.
"Yes dear, she should be ok now. Take this medication with you and make sure she gets it twice a day for the next week, just to be sure her body will stabilize itself. Let me know if there is anything else she needs."
"Thank you so much Doctor. "Meryl said gratefully and he smiled.
"Oh, and Meryl? Make sure that she feels…your friendships right now. She needs all the support she can get. The body won't physically heal as fast if the emotional side of them is broken…" he said softly, to her only.
She nodded. "Of course…thank you."
"Are you ok walking? Does it hurt? I can carry you if you'd like." Milly asked worriedly and Blue smiled.
"Thanks Milly, but I'm ok. I hurt a little, but it's ok. I can handle it." In truth, she was in a great deal of physical pain, but her emotional pain was far greater at that moment.
"Knives…" she thought sadly. "Would he really leave? What if he already has?" Suddenly, she felt panic well within her. What if he had already left, and he never returned? She had said some pretty terrible things to him…things that she knew she regretted sorely.
She felt her heart begin to accelerate rapidly as she tried to move faster. "Please…still be there…"
Her heart nearly leapt from her chest when she saw her husband appear out of the darkness in front of them, not too far ahead. He hadn't seen them yet as he came walking quickly towards the women, as if on a mission.
"Knives…" she called quietly and he stopped, locking his blue eyes with her amethyst ones.
"Blue…" he managed before he ran to her, nearly knocking her over as he grabbed onto her smaller frame, crushing her to him.
They stood there momentarily, tears running down their cheeks all over again.
They pushed apart, staring at one another.
"I'll do what ever you want!" they said simultaneously.
Blue's eyes softened, her eyebrows still furrowed, her voice raw with emotion. "Knives…I love you so much! I didn't mean what I said! I was just angry! I swear, I will take the pills from now on! I won't ever try to do it again! I'm so sorry I lied! Please don't leave!" she begged.
Knives pulled her close again, burying his head in her hair. His eyes closed as he answered, "No Blue…I should be the one apologizing to you…I have been so selfish when All you have been is supportive! I fear a family…but I fear loosing you even more…please Blue…understand that I can't live without you. And the thought of you with someone else…I just couldn't stand it!" he said fiercely, his hold on her tightening.
"I'm so sorry for the things I said…I have always been happy with you…and I still can be! And…I would have married you anyways! I swear I would have!" she cried.
Meryl's eyes softened, a smile coming to her face as she and the other two walked quietly passed the two plants. "We should leave them alone for a while…" she said to her companions, who nodded, smiles on their faces as well.
Meryl looked at her plant friends one more time as she fell out of their sight. "They will be just fine…"
After their sobs had subsided, Blue pulled away from Knives, looking shyly up at him. He was smiling gently, love radiating from his blue depths as he reached out and smoothed her hair from her forehead.
"I love you so much Blue. I never wanted to make you unhappy."
"You didn't sunshine…I was just being selfish…and I will take the pill-"
Knives held a finger up to her lips, silencing her and her eyes widened lightly. "No Blue…I want you to stay off of them."
She felt her heart do a leap. "What…? Are you…serious?" she asked, almost inaudibly, not daring to believe her ears.
"I mean it Blue. It's ok. I'm ok with it now." He said, his smile deepening.
"But…I mean…are you sure…? It's just…" she stammered, feeling a blush rise to her face as she stuttered.
Knives leaned forward, covering her mouth with his in a deep kiss. His grip tightened on her and she felt her knees go weak, leaning into him heavily as she kissed back.
When he pulled back, Knives was still smiling. "Blue… I couldn't stand the thought of you with another man. If it's children you want, then I'll be the one to give them to you. No one else, you got that woman?" he said, his smile turning to a smirk as his cockiness rose a bit.
Blue snorted, grinning. "Oh? Is that so? Well, mister Knives…are you sure that's what I want?"
He pulled her close again, staring at her seriously. "I'm sure. And, it's what I want too."
She felt her heart begin to race again at his close proximity, smiling as he kissed her again.
"Let's go home, woman." He breathed and she nodded, allowing him to scoop her up and carry her.
She wrapped her arms about him, laying her head in the crook of his neck as he walked them towards their house. Immediately, she began to feel sleep over taking her, as it was still the middle of the night. She realized just how tired she really was, and felt her consciousness fading fast in the warm arms of the man she loved. She felt safe there, and loved.
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Knives opened the door quietly, stepping in and shutting it behind him.
He began to walk towards the stairs leading to his room, stopping briefly to look at the expectant faces of his family and friends. They wore smiles, which he returned silently, indicating to his sleeping wife in his arms.
They nodded as he trekked the stairs, stopping to look at them one last time and heading into his bedroom.
Gently, he lay Blue down, noticing that the sheet had been changed. He smiled. 'Thanks Meryl…' he connected with her and could practically feel her smiling.
'Thank my mom. She did it shortly after it happened.'
'Oh..' he responded. Before he severed the connection, he said, 'Thank you still…for helping tonight, and every time…'
'Your welcome Knives. We are family, remember?'
He reached and covered his wife up with the new blanket on the bed, smiling. 'Yes…we are…goodnight Mer.'
'Good night Knives.'
He crawled into bed beside Blue, spooning her close from behind, laying his head close to her hair. He breathed her scent in, eyes closing in pure happiness just to be close to her.
As he began to drift off, he grinned almost wickedly to himself. "Damn…if we weren't so tired…we could have started tonight…"
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"So, you're both going to September to live then?" Meryl smiled broadly at Kitaro and Shiori, who both nodded.
Shiori stood next to Jesse, holding his hand, both of them beaming.
"Well will miss you guys…let's get together when we open the new head quarters for the Riviera. I'm sure we will have a big celebration." Meryl said.
"Of course Mer. We will see each other again before we know it." Grace stepped forward to hug her daughter fondly.
"Bye daddy…I love you both. Thank you so much…for everything…" she whispered as she embraced her father.
"See you in say, a month?" he winked.
"Yeah right…like I am ever leaving this damn place again!" Knives snorted, shaking his head.
"Aw come on Knives! You can't not go visit! Especially when I know how much you like those sand steamers." Vash winked and his brother just shook his head again.
"We love you too Knives." Grace smiled and he couldn't help the small grin that came to his face.
"Take care of each other…" Meryl stepped forward, latching onto Jesse momentarily before moving to Shiori, and then to Kitaro.
"We will Mer…" Jesse said.
"Meryl…I wanted to tell you that I'm sorry…for everything. I know it would never make up for what you had to go through but…" Shiori stared at the ground, trailing off.
"Shiori…I don't blame you. No one does. And I should be thanking you for helping us. For taking care of my daughter."
Shiori looked up, gratitude running deep in her silver eyes. "Meryl…" she said and leaned into the other plant again, hugging her tightly.
A tug at her skirt caused her to look down at Hikari's timid face.
Pulling away from Meryl, she squatted to Hikari's eyelevel, smiling fondly. "Hikari…I'm going to miss you…"
The little girl latched onto her, hugging her. "Thank you…" she said and Shiori shook her head.
"No…thank you…you did what you said you would…you protected us and set us free…"
The girl pulled away, watching Shiori stand upright again. "Come back and visit soon!" she seemed to melt back into a child-like state.
Shiori just smiled, realizing that she might never understand Hikari completely, or her powers. But that didn't matter.
"Travel safely you guys, and we will let you know how the hotel is coming." Vash said.
"Yeah, we will let you know when we are millionaires." Tasuki winked and Knives snorted, but said nothing.
"Bye! See you again soon!" Shiori waved as Grace, Jack, Kitaro and Jesse piled into their car.
The rest of the Stryfe-Saverem family waved their hands high, calling out their farewells as the jeep disappeared from view.
Vash put his arm around Meryl's shoulders, smiling as he led her back towards Knives's house. "Home at last…"
They stepped inside and she nodded. "Yeah…home…"
"So? Who's up for a card game??" Tasuki piped up and Knives's eyebrow ticked.
"What? I thought you were going home?"
Tasuki winked. "Why would I? I thought we were home?"
Blue laughed out loud at the look on her husbands face. "Yeah! As in back to Ship's Landing you stupid human! You have your own house! Now get out of mine!"
Vash, Meryl and Milly joined in Blue's laughter as Tasuki gave a hurt look, clasping his hands together dramatically. "But Knives? I thought this is what you wanted? For me to stay forever!" he ran after his best friend, who took off running around the couches.
"Gods! Blue! Do something! It won't leave me alone!"
"It??!" the red head cried and Vash laughed louder.
"That's right! There's just no words to describe you!" Knives couldn't help the grin that spread over his face as he ran, trying hard not to trip on the furniture as he laughed.
Blue smiled fondly as she turned to Meryl and the others. "Well, I can see this taking a while. How about some lunch?"
Meryl laughed, turning to follow her friend into the kitchen. "Yeah…that sounds great…"