Episode 37: The Shadow Of His Past
I felt myself getting more and more puzzled by the second.
" I-I can't remember those… " I trailed off weakly, as I touched a hand to my forehead, my broth now forgotten.
Sing…?
Me…?
" But… " I trailed off. " I can't sing, Kurapica-san. "
To me, it sounded unconvincing and weak but I knew myself that I could not sing.
If I were that 'Child Songstress' that Kurapica spoke off…
Then why can't I sing now…?
My voice…
That singing voice of mine…
Where is it…?
Kurapica did not seem to agree with me.
" Yes, you can, Hikari. You have to believe in yourself and try. "
" Maybe, you got me mixed up with someone else, Kurapica-san- "
I could not finish my sentence as Kurapica cut me off.
" No,
Hikari. It is you who are mixed up, " he retorted back, angrily. "
I know who I'm talking about because I saw you, sing, five years
ago! "
My eyes widened in shock and I gasped.
He saw me…?
He saw me, singing…?
" When? " I whispered, dumbstruck.
Kurapica looked away from me and sighed before he got up.
" Please excuse me, " was all he said as an answer.
With that, he left the campsite without even waiting for acknowledgment of his dismissal, leaving me and Senritsu alone there.
He felt that same emotion of guilt wash over him as he walked away from the campsite.
Why doesn't she just remember who she is…?
Why must she forget everything…?
Everything that happened five years ago.
" I know who I'm talking about because I saw you, sing, five years ago. "
He needed to go somewhere quiet, to sort out his thoughts and his feelings as well as his anger.
Why must be everything be wiped out from her mind…?
Doesn't she know me…?
Doesn't she recognise me…?
I almost nearly let on…
He punched the trunk of a tree which was quite near to him, in his anger which had not yet dissipated. He felt frustrated, irate with himself and with her as well.
Doesn't she know that it pains me to have to help her recover all those memories back…?
When I first saw her at Mito-san's house, dressed in that yukata…
Instantly, I thought of 'her'…
That one girl whom I had thought as dead…
That girl from my childhood days…
But, I had my doubts…
Was it her…?
I know that I did not want to get my hopes up high…
But…
I could not help it…
She was like 'her' shadow…
The shadow of my past….
Who came back to haunt me…
However…
I know now that she is in fact 'her'…
The very same girl from my childhood…
The sweet and innocent nightingale of my locked up memories of her…
Hikari…
" Kurapica-san? "
The boy turned round at the mention of his name by her voice.
There, she stood before him, looking awkward and shy. She held out her hand to him, for him to take hold of.
Even the way she does that…
It's just like 'she' did in the past…
Five years ago…
One hand outstretched in front of her while the other was pressed to her chest in a clenched fist.
A little smile played on his lips as he reached out and took hold of her hand.
For a moment, there was nothing except silence and the crackling of fire devouring the wood. I pulled my legs up and encircled them with my arms.
I stared deeply into the deep orange-yellow flames, dancing around in my vision.
" Yes, you can, Hikari… "
" You have to believe in yourself and try… "
" I know who I'm talking about because I saw you, sing, five years ago…! "
How in the world did he see me sing…?
When I, myself do not even remember anything about the fact that I could sing…?
" Hikari? "
Instantly, I looked up, my train of thoughts now broken.
Senritsu scooted nearer to me until we were sitting side by side with each other. She placed an arm around my shoulders in comfort.
That was enough to break my concentration, rendering me vulnerable.
" Senritsu, what's wrong with me? " I sobbed. " Why can't I remember anything at all? "
The woman said nothing but continued to comfort me in silence as she began to stroke my hair.
" It's all within you, Hikari. You only have yourself to understand yourself better and find that out for yourself, " she replied after a moment.
" But, I can't sing and never could in my life! " I told her.
" Are you sure, Hikari? " she said. " Maybe, that's what you think. "
" Then, how can I find my singing voice? " I asked her, the tears ceasing.
Senritsu smiled at me and kissed my forehead affectionately.
" Search within yourself, Hikari. It's still there. You jut forgot all about it, " the woman answered. " Now, go and get Kurapica back. Then, you can try and urge that forgotten voice back. All you have to do is to believe in yourself, Hikari. "
I nodded, feeling a new sense of determination that I never knew that I had possessed.
" Alright, I will, Senritsu. I'll try my very best…! "