HOPE'S CALLING- CHAPTER 36- IT'S COMPLICATED
Disclaimer- The M*A*S*H characters are not my own. Only Hope and her family are my creations.
"Come on Hawkeye, that is not a word. You made it up." BJ sounded a little frustrated with his friend who was half heartedly playing Scrabble with him.
"I'm sorry Beej, my heart's just not in the game. I should have never suggested we play this game. I'm usually a lot better player than this."
BJ chuckled. "Yeah, you usually beat the socks off me by some astronomically high score."
"I'm just preoccupied today."
"Really? I would have never guessed that in a million years. You're going to drive yourself and everybody else around here crazy until Father Mulcahy and Hope get back to camp."
"Well they say "misery loves company" and I don't like being alone."
"Sure, sure. The minute the two of them get back, the rest of us will be "chopped liver" to you. Well, I mean when Hope gets back."
Hawkeye flopped on his bed and put his hands behind his head. "You're right. I'm barrels of fun today. Sorry."
"It's o.k. Hawk. You'll be back to your usual charming self when she gets back tonight."
Father Mulcahy and Hope found a large stand of shrubbery to hide behind. They sat as close to each other as possible without Hope sitting in his lap. Silently he prayed, "Oh Lord, please protect us and let us get back to camp. And Lord, help me with my feelings for Hope. I shouldn't have kissed her, but I did." He paused in his prayer. "And honestly, I want to do it again. Amen."
Hope was silently communicating with God as well; a prayer with a question tacked on to it. "Lord, first of all, we're scared; scared of being found by those enemy soldiers and not being able to go back home to the 4077th. Please watch over us. A guardian angel or two would be much appreciated." She fingered the guardian angel medal that Tommy had sent her. "And I'm scared of what just happened between me and Francis. What should I do? Putting it simply, help!
She was shaking uncontrollably and Francis threw his arm around her and pulled her close in an effort to make her stop. "You've got to calm down Hope. You're making the bushes shake and they might hear us," he whispered in her ear.
Hope gulped and squeaked out an "o.k." She put her head on his shoulder. He started rubbing her back in an effort to get her to relax. When he felt her body finally relax, he slipped his arm around her waist. She rested her left hand on top of his thigh, causing a wave of heat to shoot through his body. He brushed the nape of her neck with his lips and she sighed softly. How badly he wanted to kiss her lips again!
"Francis, do you have the keys to the jeep?" she whispered. He nodded "yes" and patted his right pants pocket.
"Shh…." He whispered and to keep her from saying anything else, he kissed her lips. She realized that this was something more than Francis trying to keep her quiet. As frightened and confused as she felt, she didn't hesitate to yield to the kiss and savor its sweetness. There was only this moment; she didn't want to think about what might happen to them next.
Things he wanted to tell her and questions she wanted to ask him remained unspoken. They could only sit there and wait until it might be safe to leave. When he heard the soldiers pass directly by where they were hiding, Francis pulled Hope as close as he possibly could and wrapped both of his arms around her protectively. She buried her head on his chest and tried to be as still as possible.
The soldiers paused and looked at the jeep. Francis wondered if they would start looking around for the person or persons that had abandoned it, but by some miracle they walked away from it and down the road. He almost let out an audible sigh of relief when he saw them leave.
Hope mouthed the word, "gone?" He nodded "yes". She let exhaled a shaky breath and hugged him tightly. They stayed that way for several minutes before he let go of her. Hope lifted her head and smiled at him. He traced that smile on her lips with his fingertips as if he wanted to commit it to memory. She saw the light in his eyes and and took his hand in hers. "Francis?" she called his name in a husky whisper.
"Yes, Hope?" His heart pounded in anticipation of what she might ask or say next.
"Why did you kiss me?"
How was he going to answer her? Would he tell her the absolute, bottom line truth; that he was in love with her?
"Hope, it's complicated."
"Francis Mulcahy, what's so complicated about a kiss?"
He knew he would have to tell her the truth. If he really cared about her, he owed her nothing less. "Hope, there's more than one reason. You were upset at leaving Cho Hee at the orphanage and you were frightened that we had to hide from those soldiers. And…" He hesitated and looked down, then back up into her green eyes. "And because I love you. I can't help it. It just happened."
At first, Hope was taken aback to hear the words "I love you" coming from the priest's lips. But when she recalled each one of his kisses and the way he held her, she understood. She couldn't recall that she had encouraged him in any way. Maybe it was something she didn't even realize she had done. "Oh Francis, what did I do to make you fall in love with me?"
"Just being yourself. It's so many things you possess; compassion, a unique sense of humor, your spirituality, your beautiful voice, your love of children and…" He smiled and finished the sentence. "Your beautiful green eyes."
"The first time we came to St. Teresa's orphanage and I saw you playing with the children, I fell in love you in that moment. Every moment after that, I've grown to love you more."
Here they were in the middle of nowhere, hiding from the enemy and this sweet, wonderful man declared his love for her. Hope wondered how much longer he would have waited to tell her if they hadn't been caught in this situation. She had joined the Army to run away from one man only to find two men in love with her. If she had learned anything in a short time, it was that you can't run away from yourself or life.
She caressed his cheek with her hand and merely whispered, "Francis!" He took her hand and kissed it softly. It felt like a butterfly had flown straight up her arm and into her heart. How did she feel about him? Could she fall in love with him? Would she be the cause of him making a mistake he would regret for a lifetime? This was neither the time nor place to ask or answer these questions.
Hope hated to break this spell, but these sweet moments with Francis had to come to an end. They had to return home, back to the 4077th. As frightened as she was, she was more afraid of what they would have to deal within the future.
He interrupted her thoughts. "Hope, what is it? Are you upset because I told you I'm in love with you?"
"No Francis, I could never be upset with you for telling me the way you feel. I just don't know what to say. You are too dear to me to say anything that would hurt you."She raked her fingers through her hair to push it out of her eyes, but one stubborn strand of it flopped back down in her face.
He couldn't help but smile at her. He pushed the hair back away from her face. "It's alright; you don't have to say anything right now about what happened. I'm not sorry I told you how I feel."
"Thank you for telling me and not hiding it away any longer. If I've caused you any heartache, I'm sorry. So sorry, Francis." Her voice trembled and it sounded like she might cry again. She hugged him again and he held her for several minutes.
"Francis?"
"Hmm…?"
"Do you think it's safe to leave now? As much as I don't want to be captured by the enemy, I really want to go back to that cesspool we call home."
It was mid-afternoon and Hawkeye's anxiety level had ratcheted up several notches. He was now getting on Winchester's nerves. The major wanted nothing more than to be left to read in peace. His tent mate's pacing was disturbing that peace.
"Pierce, you are wearing a rut in the ground pacing back and forth. It will not bring back the Father and Lieutenant Jones any sooner. If you must pace, go do it somewhere else. Preferably in a mine field!"
"I like this rut Charles. It's a "poor thing, but mine own."
Winchester growled "Well, do it silently!", and then returned to his book.
Hawkeye stopped pacing and flopped down on his bed. This was crazy! Why couldn't he just believe what BJ had said about them being home before supper? He was becoming an Olympic, gold medal, first class worrier. He just couldn't get what happened to Mulcahy and Hope the last time on their return trip from the orphanage out of his mind. Now that she was in his life, he didn't want to lose her. This damn war had a way of suddenly taking away the people that mean the most to you. He remembered Colonel Henry Blake. Henry never made it back home.
If he was going to pace, he could just as well do it outside of the Swamp. At least, he wouldn't be annoying Charles. Hawkeye's head was down and he was so deep in thought that he didn't realize that he was about to walk directly into Colonel Potter.
"Holy Moses, Pierce! You almost walked smack into me. Where's your head?"
"Sorry Colonel. I'll just be glad when Father Mulcahy and Hope get back."
"I know, but worrying about it doesn't bring them home one second sooner. Come with me to my office."
Hawkeye followed his CO into the office. The colonel pointed at the chair across from his desk. Hawkeye sat down. Potter opened the cabinet where he kept his liquor, took out two glasses and poured drinks. As he handed a drink to Hawkeye, he said, "I know it's early for this, but you need it. Now tell me what's going on with you."
"I'm ashamed to admit it, but I just have this feeling that something's happened to Father Mulcahy and Hope."
"Pierce, there's a saying "Don't borrow trouble" Besides, last time they were in an accident. Most of life is out of our control. The older you get, the more you realize it."
"I know Colonel. This place had taught me that. It's just that…" His voice trailed off.
"What is it?" Potter suspected what Hawkeye's answer would be, but he wanted him to confirm it.
Hawkeye hesitated and then said, "I'm in love with Hope."
Potter smiled at the young surgeon. "I suspected as much. It's hard, isn't it?"
"What do you mean?"
"I have spent forty years in this man's army, so many of them away from my wife. It's hard not knowing what's happening in their lives. You can't be there to share their joys or sorrows and you can't protect them. Here's one word of advice; trust and prayer. Trust that things will be alright and pray a whole lot. Then go ahead and get on with your work. That's the best you can do. "
Hawkeye nodded. He didn't consider himself a praying man, but he knew the colonel was right.
After waiting another hour, Hope and Francis decided to go back to the 4077th. Every mile, every bump in the road was anxiety ridden for both of them. They remained silent as a precaution, just in case they still had unwanted company on the road ahead. Occasionally he would look at her, smile and pat her hand. He would have put his right arm around her and pulled her close if he hadn't felt like he needed to keep both hands on the wheel.
The sun was setting and they both thought they just might roll into camp before dark. About two miles from the 4077th, a young Korean man with a very pregnant young woman stood in the middle of the road. The man waved for Mulcahy to stop the jeep.
Francis slowed down and stopped about the jeep three feet away from the couple. "Oh Good Lord!" he whispered to Hope.
She grinned at him and whispered back, "You didn't ask the Lord what would happen next, did you?"
He shook his head. "Heavens, no!"
Hope hopped out of the jeep silently praying, "Lord, please let this young man speak a little English."
Her prayer received an immediate answered when he said, "You help! My wife having baby."
Hope pointed at the jeep. "Yes, we'll help. Get in. We are headed to the MASH unit just down the road." The young man helped his wife into the back seat and Hope sat down beside her. Once the young man was in the jeep, Francis took off and laid a heavy foot on the gas pedal. He zig zagged around potholes so much, that it seemed like they were on an amusement park ride.
When they reached camp, Francis hit the jeep's horn like it was the end of the world. Personnel flew out into the compound. Hawkeye almost ran over people getting to the jeep. "Thank God, you're back."
Hope grinned at him. "We're home and we brought company; two plus one about to make their premiere appearance." She pointed at the pregnant woman beside her, who was being helped out of the jeep by Colonel Potter and Klinger.
Hawkeye then noticed how bedraggled and dirty both Hope and Father Mulcahy looked. "Are you two alright?"
Hope sighed. "The short answer is "yes". The long answer is something very different."
Francis confirmed her answer. "Hawkeye, we're o.k., but we'll tell you more later. "
Hope noticed that Francis had said "more", not "everything". She was thankful he said it that way because she sure wasn't going to tell Hawkeye everything that happened on their trip. "Hawkeye, right now all I want is a hot shower and something to eat. Give us an hour."
Hawkeye reached over and wiped the dirt off her nose with his forefinger. "Remember Hope, we have a date." He wanted to kiss her, but didn't because the priest was standing there. "O.K. Talk to you in an hour."
With all that had happened that day, the date with Hawkeye had been forgotten. That was the last thing she wanted to do that evening; go on a date with anybody! She watched him walk away and wondered if she could get out of it without him getting too upset.
Once Hawkeye was out of their line of sight, Francis pulled Hope over behind a tent. He took her in his arms. "Hope I don't know when I'll have a chance to do this again, so I want to make it count." At first, his kiss was gentle, but it quickly became very intense as he pushed her lips open with his tongue. She responded by wrapping her arms around his neck. He moved one arm down to her waist and pulled her even closer. The voice of reason in her head was fighting a losing battle, she enjoyed kissing him. He made her feel safe and cherished. However, that feeling of safety quickly changed to fear when she realized how aroused he had become as he held her close. She was afraid for him and for herself. She felt the need to protect him from doing something he would later regret
Hope was breathless and shaking when she pulled away from him. "Francis, I've got to go now."
He saw the fear in her eyes and knew there was nothing he could do about it. His heart ached at the thought of upsetting her and but he couldn't help the way he felt about her. "Alright Hope, guess we should get cleaned up and eat something. We'll both feel better."
Francis left and headed towards his tent. Hope stepped from behind the tent to see Hawkeye standing in the middle of the compound. Even from a distance, she could see a fire in his eyes and it was obviously not passion. It was pure, unadulterated anger.
She froze where she stood, feeling like a trapped animal. As he approached her, she braced herself for heaven knew what was about to come out of his mouth. He reached out and grabbed her by the arms.
"Hope what the hell is going on between you and Mulcahy? I saw him pull you behind that tent."
Hope was torn between bursting into tears or launching into a tirade of cursing that would have caused her mother to wash her mouth with soap when she was a child. Hope opted for an evasive answer instead. "He wanted to speak to me privately." She struggled to loosen his grip on her." Let go of my arms. You're hurting me!"
"That's all? I don't believe you."
Hope let out a shuddering sigh and blasted him. "Believe this Captain Pierce; Father Mulcahy and I came very close to not making it back today! We almost had a new address; a Chinese POW camp. Is that a good enough answer for you? Now all I want is a hot shower, clean clothes, food and for you to leave me the hell alone!"
She turned and walked away, leaving Hawkeye speechless.
This was a long, difficult day for Hope and Father Mulcahy in many ways. At least, they made it back to camp before dark.
Unfortunately, for Hope, Hawkeye and Francis, more difficulty lies ahead.
Thanks for reading the story and for your support!