Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer

I Love To Hate You

Chapter Thirty Seven: Lifeless

Edward's POV

The ballroom was packed to the full with people dancing, drinking, eating, laughing and just being merry. I only wished I had that feeling. Instead I was all over the place with my nervous and I was starting to feel a little queasy. Alice bounced over to the other side of the room and pulled me into a hug.

"Thank God you're here. I thought you weren't going to show."

"No, I wouldn't miss this." Alice smiled at me brightly and took me off in to the side room that was all prepared.

"Great." Once the door was shut she fixed my clothes a bit more and then checked my bag for everything. "Brilliant, you have everything. I brought you the wig I was talking about, here." She grabbed it off the table and showed me the blond wig.

"Thanks."

"Right, so all of its here for you when you change. You can lock the door and use another to exit. This desk locks so keep your other clothing in there in the meantime. That way if Bella comes in here she won't find your other shirt and mask."

"Alright, is she here?"

"Yep when I left her she was with Emmett and Rose." I nodded and quickly departed, putting on my original mask.

It only took several minutes but I found Bella. The dress gave her away; I could tell it was her figure from a mile off. Her mask did a good job of covering her up but with those luscious lips that I could never forget it was clear it was Bella.

"You look amazing." I whispered into her ear, startling her slightly.

"Thanks." I knew there would be a blush under her mask but obviously couldn't see it.

"Dance with me."

"I don't like to dance. You know that."

"I do but I don't care. Come on." I took her hand softly and led her to the floor.

She wrapped her arms round my neck as I put my hands on her waist. For some reason I needed to be closer so gently laid my head on her shoulder and lightly kissed her neck.

"You smell amazing." I whispered, not being able to filter my thoughts any longer. I just wanted and needed her.

"What's with you tonight? I thought we were giving each other time so I could sort some things out."

"We are but you look too good to stay away from and I've just noticed you're wearing the gift I gave you." The diamond necklace was round her neck.

"Yes well, I thought tonight would be a good occasion as any."

"It is and it looks beautiful on you."

"Again, thanks."

"May we continue dancing?" I asked, just realising we had stopped moving. Bella nodded and the dancing commenced.

Eventually I had to pull myself away from her. I had to do my rounds as secret admirer. I didn't intend to talk to Bella but at least this way she would most likely see me about and not think anything of it. I was just going to be another face in the crowd.

I departed and made my way into the side room. It was empty, thankfully, and I quickly changed my shirt and mask, applied the blond wig and made my way back to the ball.

No one really noticed me but I had made my way round the room several times. I didn't need to be seen by anyone particular, just seen. I upped the ante on myself by lightly brushing past Bella, apologising and walking away. She took nothing of it but had just had her first proper encounter with her secret admirer.

I changed back after ten minutes and returned to my friends, not wanting to be seen as absent. Although I was aware Bella knew I'd prefer she didn't know I was changing between Edward and secret admirer. It was better to keep the act going until the last minute.

And that's exactly what I did.

At five to midnight I changed into the black shirt and put on the all face mask. This time I ditched the wig. It would just get in the way. Despite that little discrepancy I returned to the room. With one minute to go I stood about three feet behind Bella as she surveyed the room.

"Looking for anyone in particular?" I asked quietly in her ear. She froze at the sound of my voice and turned.

Bella frowned at me, noting the differences and then gave me a bemused smile. Other party goers around us began the countdown as we stood facing each other. Neither of us making a move.

With five seconds to go I leant in, lifted my mask up away from my lips and waited until it was exactly midnight.

Her lips met mine and my fate and heart were sealed as one. She had complete control over me no matter what and I knew living without her wouldn't be an option. She was my soul mate, other half, lover, whatever you want to call it. I was hers now and no one else's. She had my heart now.

Bella's POV

The kiss was amazing and somehow it was better than all the others we've shared simply because I knew now that my secret admirer was Edward. His lips felt better, he smelled better, tasted better and I loved him more now than I had before.

Too bad I had to be honest or that secret would eat me alive. I looked into his eyes after the kiss and began to take off his mask properly. He didn't stop me so I knew he was aware that I had worked out who he was.

He took it from my hand as I brought it back from his beautiful face and I was met with his gorgeous smile that would have made me jump him any other day. Instead I leaned up on my tiptoes, holding onto his shoulder for support.

"I was the one who tried to destroy your life." I whispered into his ear. Edward cocked his head to the side and tensed.

"What?"

"I know you heard."

"Yes but I don't believe it."

"It's true. I did it all."

"Why?" He coughed out.

"I hated you and the way you treated everyone."

"So you thought you'd ruin me?"

"Yes."

"You're the most sadistic bitch I've ever met and that's really saying something. I broke hearts so you break mine. Is that how it is?" Before I could catch up with what he had just said he was off again. "You make me fall for you then crush my heart. All this time you have supposedly cared for me but really you just used me to get revenge or the cruellest kind."

"It wasn't like that-"

"Of course not because how could you know I was your secret admirer as well. Let me guess, if you knew you would never have done this?"

"Edward, I'm sorr-"

"NO! You don't get to say those words." He stormed away from me and shoved the doors open violently, gaining a few stares. I ran after him instantly and grabbed his arm in the parking lot.

"It wasn't like that Edward. When I realised how much I actually began to like you I stopped immediately. It may have been too late but I was trying to make up for what I had done. I was going to tell you-"

"Shut up! I don't want to hear anymore lies. Bella you used me. I fell so in love with you I would have done anything for us to be together. But this whole time you've been scheming and plotting my demise, slowly carving away at me so that when this came out it would be that much more painful. Well guess what? It worked. You gave me a taste of my own medicine, congratulations. I hope you're happy that I'm not."

He roughly pulled away so I grabbed him again only to be pushed back.

"Do. Not. Touch. Me." He growled.

"Hey! Don't talk to her that way!" Jake came running out, probably to see what the commotion was with everyone else. We had gathered quite an audience, all standing back carefully by the doors watching.

"Fuck off Jake; you have nothing to do with this." Edward said then darted across the lot.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Jake asked me frantically.

"No, I hurt him."

My knees buckled below me and hit the tarmac with a thump. The sobs were ripping through me, screaming to come out, so I let them. No one came near me and during some point of my breakdown Jake left. Alice came back with him and they both picked me up, not minding at all that I was a complete state.

Though who could blame me?

"Come on, we'll take you back to mine."

"Wait!" I heard Charles call as he came over. "Bella, you alright?"

"Does she look alright moron?" Jake churned. I didn't like the way he spoke to Charles so pushed him away, or at least attempted to.

"I'll take her from here. You came go."

"Boys, Bella needs to go so either one of you helps or give her to me." One of my arms was let go and replaced by another.

Charles and Alice took me to her car and lay me down in the back. My sobs had stopped but the tears continued to roll down my cheeks and onto the black leather in Alice's Porsche. I wanted to stop crying but couldn't find the strength to. It was all messed up.

The engine roared to life and Alice drove away from her own party. Guilt hit me again but for a different reason. I sat up quickly and tried to make myself a little presentable.

"Alice go back to your party, I'll be fine." She snorted and shook her head.

"Bella, I don't care about the party. I care about you and right now you need me. Try and sleep, okay?" I sniffed and nodded, lying back down but not before catching a worried glance from Charles who had stayed silent in the front seat.

I wished for sleep to come. It should have been easy too, what with the gently purr of the engine and darkness around me. Instead it was impossible but only because every time I shut my eyes I pictured his face torn in pain and anger. That brought the tears back up and curled into a ball, slowly rocking myself back and forth.

We pulled up at Alice's house and they escorted me inside and straight to her bedroom. Charles whispered a few things to Alice before hugging her and leaving. I wanted to know what he said but couldn't stop the tears long enough to do so.

"Take one of these and drink this." Alice placed a tablet and glass of water on the bedside table then went into the bathroom. I did as she asked and felt the familiar droop of my eyelids. Sleep would overcome me soon but it would be filled with nightmares of earlier rather than the dreams of Edward and I being a couple.

And right enough I was swamped with images of Edward yelling at me in anger when I told him the truth, our first time together at his house, consoling him when my plans became too much and he collapsed in tears, him pitching up in my dining room in those silk red boxers, arguing with him in the school parking lot over those bloody secret admirer badges, giving him a wax late at night, and being in his room the morning I took his pictures while he was cuffed to the bed naked- the day it all started.

Soon after I awoke to voices but rather than open my eyes and let them know I was conscious I kept them shut so I could listen.

"How is she?" Charles asked, worry edging in his voice.

"Same as earlier. I gave her a sleeping tablet. It seemed like the best thing to do. She was all over the place and I couldn't watch her like that."

"Has she slept well?"

"Not really." Alice sighed. "She was crying to begin with and then it changed, she changed. She was yelling at Edward but about things that happened ages ago and then laughing which became crying. I think she's just broken now."

"What do we do?"

"Nothing. We can't do anything. No matter what we say it's not what she's going to want to hear. The only one who can maybe bring her back is Edward and I doubt he'll come near her anytime soon."

"Rat bastard. I should go and kick his fuc-"

"Charles, that won't help."

"Then what will? She's my sister. I can't just stand by and see her in all this pain and because of what? A guy."

"Not just any guy, Edward."

"Is that meant to mean something to me?"

"No but it does to her. She loves him and tonight he threw her love back at her but he doesn't know it. Right now he's probably thinking he's the victim in all this when in fact they both are. She's sorry she hurt him and still loves him like crazy. He on the other hand thinks she was trying to get him to fall in love with her so she could break his heart. He does love her, deep down, but it's now covered by fifty feed of venom and hatred."

"What do you think she'll do?"

"I have no idea. If she wants Edward back though it'll have to be something out of this world. He won't forgive quickly."

"This is screwed up."

"Yep." The both of them sighed and then left the room, closing the door behind them.

I rolled over and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I didn't want the tears back. I wanted to sleep again, just so I could remember some of the happy times we shared together. To prove to me that our whole relationship wasn't all hatred and maybe there was something I could think of that might be able to get me out of this mess.

Masen's POV

Edward had become a grumpy bastard since he found out about Bella and her little plot to ruin his life. To be honest I applaud Bella for what she did, it was pure genius to watch him suffer and he did deserve most of it as he was a total dickweed.

Anyway I was sent into his room to get him up out of bed. We may be on holidays still but that doesn't mean he can just lie around all day. He should do something productive with his time even if he's suffering a broken heart.

"Edward, get up." I called in the hall before entering to see him awake but lying on his stomach, eyes glazed over and watching the wall. "Come on, you need to get up."

"No I don't, now piss off." He grunted, rubbing his face rather roughly.

"You have to stop moping around, just get up before mum starts to worry."

"Who cares?"

"I do. Stop being such a jackass and get the fuck up! Mum shouldn't have to worry about you because your head's up your arse."

"Masen fuck off! You know nothing about it." He turned over so he was facing away from me.

"I know enough. I know that you were a complete wanker and she hated you so went out to hurt you. Guess what, it worked. But along the way she saw how bad it was for you and stopped-"

"But did she?!" He yelled, sitting up now in the bed. "This could have all been a game to break my heart, the ultimate payback."

"Bella wouldn't do that."

"She's a vindictive whore, of course she would!"

I saw red and lunged at him. My fist connected with his jaw before I knew what had actually happened. He grunted on impact then hit me back, getting me in the eye. It would be black by this afternoon. That wasn't my concern right now though, beating the shit out of my brother was.

The scuffle only lasted a few minutes but by the end of it Edward had a split lip, red mark on his jaw from the first punch thrown, a cut by his eyebrow and there's bound to be more bruising on his face tomorrow. I could feel what would be a colossal bruise round my right eye forming and could taste blood in my mouth from my lips.

"You're not the victim in this. You just threw away the girl of your dreams over a misunderstanding. Grow some balls and talk to her. She'll explain everything." I called, slamming the door shut behind me.

I wasn't going to hang around that twat if he was going to be rude about Bella. He may not realise how special she is but I do. I would have thought by now that he would have known Bella better than to assume she had no feelings for him. I knew and I wasn't even in their goddamn relationship.

There was no way I was going to hang around the house so quickly left and went to Charles' house.

"Whoa, what happened to your face?" He asked the second he opened the door.

"I got in a little argument with Edward." He opened it wider and let me step in.

"About Bella?" The frown was on his face almost instantly.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"It doesn't matter Charles. I dealt with it." We walked in to the living room and sat down.

"Thanks. You didn't have to."

"No problem."

"But he was being a dick?" Charles handed me the controllers for the Xbox and set up the game.

"Oh yeah."

"Good. At least I know he got a little of what he deserved."

"Definitely."

"You know Bella's going to freak when she sees you. She'll automatically know something's happened between the two of you."

"Well I'll just have to handle that when it happens. Let's not think about this, it's not really our mess. Come on, let's just play."

"Alright but just tell me one thing."

"Shoot." I was done talking abou this but he was obviously still interested.

"Does he look worse than you?"

"Absolutely."

"Good."

Not long after Bella came in and then the fun really began. For starters she looked dreadful, much worse than Edward, minus the physical marks on him. Her eyes seemed hollow and lifeless; she was pale white and looked rather unhealthy.

"Hey." I greeted, pausing the game and giving her a hug. Her fingers lightly brushed my bruises and lips and she shook her head.

"Don't fight because of me."

"How'd you know it's because of you? I could have been beaten to a pulp by some boyfriend I pissed off."

"True but then Charles would be beaten too. You guys stick together for those things. This was a personal fight." I nodded and she sighed.

"I don't like you two fighting. You shouldn't have done that."

"I know but I had to."

"Why?" She took my hand and led me back to the couch.

"He wasn't being nice."

"About me, right?" Although I didn't want to admit it you could tell anyway.

"Yeah."

"Well thank you Masen, for standing up for me."

"No bother. You did nothing wrong." She laughed humourlessly and slouched back into the pillows, like she was trying to bury herself away.

"I tried to ruin his life and I did nothing wrong? Not true."

"No Bella, you stopped that and I know you didn't set out to break his heart as some sort of plot for revenge. You're not that cold."

"I didn't mean for it to come out that way." The tears were building in her eyes and I couldn't watch them fall, it hurt too much.

"I know. We'll get this sorted, okay? Sooner or later things will be patched up as good as new."

"I doubt that." She muttered.

"Trust me."

"I do."

If Edward wouldn't hear Bella out then I'd have to tell him myself. I couldn't just stand by and watch both of them live miserably because of the other. They do have problems that need to be worked out but for now they just need to be on speaking terms for that to happen.

Whether they liked it or not I was going to get involved and help them. I don't think Bella would have a problem with this but I know for a fact Edward would.