"Ohhh God..." Tommy breathed out, perched awkwardly on the arm of the couch that, instead of being in the center of the living room, now sat along the far wall, pressed up against the TV stand. From this angle, he could see the fire damage to its full extent; the charred remains of his childhood laid clearly out before him. The fire had only made it to the hall, so if you were to make it passed the burnt floor boards to the back rooms, you wouldn't know the house was in less than perfect condition. It was eerie.

Funny how he thought he'd never see this place again. Tommy even smirked a little when he remembered his frenzied thoughts of escaping and never looking back; that's what he always thought. Every few years or so, he's been drug back here for some reason or another; cooperating only because of the blood that bonded him to these people, purely for the sake of family - whatever the hell that was. But every trip ended the same: him running for the door the second the chains of responsibility lifted. And yet...here he was again.

Tommy glanced at his watch as he stood and stepped carefully over a blackened piece of wood that looked like it came off one of the kitchen chairs and headed for his room to wait for Tristan. Only difference between the last time he was here three years ago, and just recently, is that he isn't on his typical drinking, sex, and travel binge after leaving; he'd gotten all his stress and frustration out while he was here - all at Jude's expense, unfortunately - and now he just felt...tired. His mind needed a long, solid break to recover from all the craziness. He needed a quiet place to think and sort out his life bit by bit and set everything in order.

Last time he embarked on such a task, was right after Angie died. He took two weeks off, flew to France and locked himself in a hotel room that over looked Paris. Somewhere between writing, drinking and passing out drunk, he'd decided he wanted a divorce from Portia - though that should've been a given when he cheated on her - and that he didn't want to go down in music history as a member from a cheesy boy band, he wanted a solo deal. But most importantly, he allowed himself an entire day to mourn and cry over Angie, after that, he swore never to go there again, never to get close enough to be hurt by any other woman ever again. Love was a four letter word, nothing more.

Two years later, he met Jude.

Even now, as he look back at the first few months of Jude in his life, he could feel the exhaustion of trying to fight off the feelings he had for her. All the wasted nights trying to convince himself that it was nothing more than infatuation seemed so pointless now - like the events that followed were inescapable, useless to fight. "Just one of those things." Tommy muttered to himself and draped an arm over his head, while the other lay lazily at his side.

As much as he loved Angie, he couldn't help but feel that he loved Jude even more - and that's saying a lot. There were only a few tiny things Jude did that bugged him, and those little things seemed to make her all the more perfect to him - for him; he never felt that with Angie. With Jude, it's like she was meant for him, that all the things in his life were only stepping stones that led him to Jude. And what's he do? Spend four years trying to shove her away. Tommy heaved an angrily disgusted sigh with himself, and jerked to his side, his arms now crossed over his chest.

Tommy wished Jude was around to talk all this stuff out with - sure he kept a whole lot from her, but whatever it was he did talk about, she's always been there to listen, and she brought a fresh perspective to things. He realized a long time ago that even though he's spent years keeping to himself, and staying inside his own head Jude had somehow altered that; he wanted to share things with her, wanted to spend hours talking out problems that were long over, and no longer relevant but still haunting him, just to see what she thought of them. His brain wasn't his own little private world anymore, it was Jude's too. And that had scared him shitless. . .and also forced him to come to the conclusion that she was it for him. No one would ever come close to being anywhere near what Jude was to him. They were meant forever - no matter how corny that sounded.

Tommy sighed again, a little softer this time, pained with regret. To him, he felt, well, blessed with Jude - she saved him in ways she'll never know - but he felt like she was cursed with him. So much he's done to hurt her, all the ways he caused pain to the only person in his life who truly loved him left permanent scars that stung when poked at. The fear crept in, and settled in a hard, low knot in his stomach It's just a matter of time, He thought, She'll finally come to her senses and leave me in her dust...I'm not good enough. With shaky hands, he pulled out his cell phone and punched in a message.

llllllllllllllllll

Jude's mouth was completely dry; she repeated the words her sister just spoke in her head over and over, trying to make sense of them. Tommy is gone. Where the hell did he go? Just a few minutes ago, she'd been in a lunch meeting with a writer from a magazine, recycling answers to the questions she's been asked countless times already, and was actually happy to see her sister calling; happy enough to cut the interview short and jog upstairs to her hotel room to talk to her. She was happy she made that choice now, where there was a bed to collapse on, and no eyes to watch her fall apart, "G-gone?" She stuttered into her cell phone, "Are you sure?"

"Sorry, Jude." Came Sadie's voice, softened with concern and low with seriousness "He's definitely gone."

"But, what about his job? The contract with Gmajor? How's Darius reacting to all this?"

"Well, he's Darius." Sadie said, she almost sounded worried "He's...beyond pissed." And that was putting it lightly

Jude felt herself sit on the corner of her queen-sized bed, and brought a hand to her forehead, "There's no way," She argued "Tommy wouldn't have just up and left."

Sadie took a deep breath "His number is out of service."

Jude's pounding heart slowed a little and her eyebrows knitted "No it's not, I just talked to him a couple weeks ago."

There was a pause, and what sounded like Sadie clicking a pen, "What number did you get a hold of him on?"

Jude pressed her lips together. Was Tommy's new number meant to be a secret? Was she the only one he gave it to? She tentatively repeated the digits to Tommy's old number, and heard Sadie sigh, "That's the one that's out. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I wanted to be sure he was gone before freaking you out. Sorry Jude." The apology didn't seem as kind as the last one, this one sounded disappointed.

Jude didn't waste time trying to figure out who the disappointment was aimed at, only muttering a quick goodbye before hanging up. There's no way, Jude thought fiercely He sure as hell wouldn't have said what he did if he had any intention of leaving - and he wouldn't have called me with a new number unless he planned on keeping me in the loop. She stared down at her phone, tempted to call and check the new number was working, but scared that it might not. She knew Tommy well enough to know he meant what he said before she left, she was sure of it. But he also has a tendency of finding a new life when the old one got too complicated. Did that include her? That she wasn't sure of.

The phone clasped tightly in her hands lit up and beeped, causing Jude to jump. An envelope blinked impatiently on the screen, and Jude braced herself for the worst before opening it.

No questions - Just tell me that I'm being stupid and to let it go

From Tommy. Jude exhaled a huge breath of relief and hit the call button. Three rings and a "Hello."

"Hey," Jude's voice sounded off - like she'd just recovered from a heart attack "You should know better than to expect me to insult you without good reason."

Tommy grinned, his troubled mind settled for the moment "I have good reason, trust me. Just say it."

Jude laid against the pillows and sighed, "Fiiiine. You're an idiot, happy?"

Tommy's grin stretched across his face "Thanks." There was a moment of dead air that quickly turned awkward. Tommy jumped to fill it "How's your tour going?"

Jude shrugged against the sheets and adjusted one of the buttons on the black vest she had on over a purple, skin tight sweater "Fine until two minutes ago."

"Why? What happened?"

"Sadie gave me a heart attack. Apparently you've left without a trace, Mr. Quincy."

Tommy smirked, happy to hear that the thought of him being gone was an unpleasant thought for her, "Yes I have - and call me Bond."

Jude chuckled, toeing off her boots and bringing her feet up on the bed, "Okay, Bond, care to fill me in on your master plan?"

Tommy scratched the top of his head with a light grimace "There isn't one."

"Brilliant." Jude remarked sarcastically

"I'm an idiot, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Jude chewed on her cheek, waiting for him to go on, sighing when he didn't, "Seriously, Tommy. What are you doing?"

Tommy looked around the room and breathed out quiet, "I am...waiting for Tristan to get home so we can get this brawl over with and I can go home...where ever that may be."

"Wait. Tristan? You're back in New Brunswick?" He mumbled a quiet "Yeah." and Jude's chest tightened. Her mind spun out of control with horrible memories consisting of both mental and physical pain; the emotional warfare of trying to keep even that smallest emotion from slipping through her calm facade. Her hand mindlessly swept across her cheek "Why?" She choked out. Had it been silly of her to expect that returning there would be impossibly painful for both of them?

"I'm sick of running," Tommy said simply "It would be wrong for me to leave my brother with all this without an explanation."

Jude squeezed her eyes shut and breathed deeply through her nose, willing her voice to sound unaffected "How bad's the damage?"

"Um...Pretty bad. The whole front of the house is pretty much ash."

Good. Jude thought, "What are you gonna do?"

Tommy rolled to his back, staring up at the off-white ceiling "Knowing my brother, I won't be doing much of anything - he'll kick me out the second he finds out mom's in a home."

"Why is he so against it?" Jude asked a little angrily "If it's what's best, then what the hell is his problem?"

"I promise I'll tell you the whole story - just not right now."

Jude rolled her eyes, "I'll hold you to that." She tucked her arm under her pillow and sighed softly "Where are you headed after you leave there?"

Tommy bit his lip, "You haven't read the letter, huh?"

Jude shook her head, "Nope. The right time hasn't come along yet." Another silence passed. Jude had a hard time remembering the last time talking to Tommy was so awkward. They'd talked on the phone all the time when he first went away, and it was never this weird "Can't you just tell me what the letter says?" She asked in a small voice, her eyes glued to a loose thread at the hem of her sweater

A longer silence took up minutes of their phone plans while Tommy hesitated, "No." He finally said "You need to read it."

"Why?" Jude whispered

"...Because you can't hang up on me in a letter."

"Why would I hang up on you?"

"You'll see." Tommy sighed "It's probably better if we don't talk again until you read it."

Jude heaved a frustrated sigh of her own and dug her fingers in the scratchy fabric of the comforter, "Why?" The word seemed so worn out when she'd spoken it, tired of begging for answers from the man on the other line.

Tommy seemed to sense her exhaustion and promised, "This is the last thing I keep from you - just trust me."

Jude rolled her eyes, thinking of all the reasons she shouldn't trust him, and how she was almost offended that he'd just expect her to "Alright, well," Her tone signaled the end of the conversation, "I'll talk to you when ever, I guess."

"Try to make it soon." Tommy whispered "I miss you."

"Yeah." The way it came out was a little rude, and plainly aggravated "Bye Tommy."

"Love you, Jude."

"Sure." With that she ended the call and tossed her phone aside; it bounced off the mattress and to the carpeted floor. Now would be an ideal time to read the letter, except for the fact that her tour bus was a few miles away getting cleaned and gassed up. And she was sure she was annoyed enough with Tommy that she wouldn't go running to him. Not to mention that since he's in New Brunswick now, he's seven hundred miles further away than she thought he was; bringing the tally up to almost twenty-seven hundred miles between them.

The thought of it left Jude feeling a little lonely. As much as she loved the guys, they haven't been great company; Speid's been moping around, and Kyle and Wally were either fighting, or trying to find a bar that would waive the age limit just because they're famous. She sort of regretted calling Tommy, not only did it emphasize the distance between them, it also rose a whole new round of questions. Why he left, for example.

As her annoyance eased, and her mind cleared some, she also began regretting not telling him that she loved and missed him too. She didn't want him thinking she was done with him, and possibly cut her out of the loop he's finally included her in. Quickly, she fished her phone out from where it landed under the bed and sent him a text.

Lllllllllllllllll

Tommy shoved up from the bed at the sound of an approaching car, looking out the window, but plopped back down when he saw it wasn't Tristan. His phone vibrated next to him; a text from Jude

I love you and miss you too, babe. No matter how frustrating you are.

Tommy smiled a little, and set his phone aside. He didn't realize he was anxious until it was lifted. Jude loves me, He reminded himself ...For now. He added bitterly.

"What the hell?" A shocked and familiar voice sounded from the front room.

"Fuck." Tommy spat and rushed out. Why had he been expecting Tristan to show up in a car? He cursed his own stupidity

"What the fuck, Tom?" Tristan demanded his blue eyes wide as they roamed over the hell-ish scene. Him and Tommy stood at about the same height, and shared the same light tan skin color, but Tristan was the taller of them, little thinner, and not as muscular as his younger brother. Their faces were differently shaped, and Tristan's eyes were a bit more rounded; this was due to their difference of fathers.

Tommy stuffed his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket and focused on the spiky tips of Tristan's hair, rather then the pair of angry glaring eyes under it "Mom set the house on fire." He spoke in a low, serious tone

Tristan dropped his over-stuffed duffel bag to the floor and threw his hands up "How could you let that happen?" His eyes darted around the room, and his breathing quickened slightly "How the fuck am I supposed to pay for all this?"

"I'll pay for it," Tommy said calmly; he'd learned from Jude that the calmer you are, the more out of control the other person feels. It worked on him, maybe it'll have the same effect on his brother, "If you want me to." He added "You won't have to worry about anything."

"I don't want your money." Tristan spat "Where's mom."

Tommy took a deep breath, "In the nursing home, up on fifth."

Tristan's face flushed with anger, and his lips twitched as he tried to find a way to respond; he went with his impulse, of course "How could you do that?" He exploded, his lips smashing in to a disappointed sneer "She must be miserable in there!"

Tommy's head feel to one side, fighting the urge to roll his eyes, "C'mon, man. She's fine, she's got the best care takers in all of Canada." It was a lie, of course, but it seemed to ease the red on his brother's face down a shade

"I'm taking her out," Tristan said, it sounded like a warning "She can't be happy there."

Tommy's eyes squinted with a look that said 'Are you kidding me?' "You're worried about whether or not she's happy?"

"She's our mother, Tom. It wouldn't kill you to show a little compassion."

"Easy for you to say," Tommy shot back "She actually gave a shit about you."

"Here we go." Tristan muttered under his breath, "Did you ever think that maybe if you weren't such a dick, things would've been different?"

"Me?" Tommy demanded incredulously "Maybe if she wasn't such a crazy bi-"

"Don't you dare finish that." Tristan warned, on full defense mode "She was a single mom raising two boys, it was hard."

Tommy scoffed a disgusted sounding noise and shook his head "You know it was more than that - you know that she hated me."

"No she didn't." Tristan defended, sounding a lot like a humble boy scout

"How the fuck would you know?" Tommy demanded, taking a step toward Tristan "You were never around - you were just as miserable as I was, but I wasn't old enough to do anything about it!"

"Oh no?" Tristan barked a sarcastic laugh "You seemed to rack up a fair amount of trouble. You made my life hell! I tried everything to keep your ass out of trouble, and when I couldn't, who do you think mom blamed?"

Tommy sneered and ran his tongue through his mouth but offered no verbal response

"You're just like your father, you know that?" Tommy's head shot up to glare at his brother, warning him not say anymore. Tristan smirked a little and stepped closer to Tommy, a piece of charred wood crunched under the heel of his steel-toe slip-proof boots "If it wasn't for you, mom would've left your worthless abusive drunk of a father. Too bad when he left, he left his little clone behind."

Tommy made a low growl-like noise in the back of his throat and threw the first punch

lllllllllllllllllllll

"All right," Tommy laughed a deep, drunken laugh as he nursed a glass of whiskey between his hands "I'll give you that." He slurred, "Remember when we trashed the high school?"

Tristan nodded slowly, he was just as wasted as Tommy. He gulped a sloppy sip from the neck of his Heineken bottle; some dribbled down his chin "Yeah. We need to do that again."

Tommy laughed again "You're wasted."

"Same to you!" Tristan lifted his beer, clinked it against Tommy's glass and finished it off "You throw a mean right hook, man. I'm proud."

Tommy nodded "You taught me everything I know." He rubbed his bruised jaw and stared vacantly at his blood stained knuckles

Tristan breathed out a laugh through his nose, his head bobbing slightly "Yeah." He sighed leaned against the bar so he wouldn't fall backwards off the stool "Mom really was a crazy bitch, wasn't she?"

"You have no idea."

"Sorry, man." Tristan clumsily clapped his hand on Tommy's shoulder and pulled it away "We've got quite the history, huh?"

Tommy didn't answer, he was focusing too hard on not swaying sideways, but then a thought came to him, "Hey!" He shouted a little louder than necessary, gaining the attention of the few people that occupied the bar, including the bar tender "Mom is bipolar!" He announced to his brother like it was the funniest thing he ever heard "She's even crazier than we thought."

"Ain't that somethin'?" Tristan muttered in the same, humored tone "How'd you find out?"

"My girl brought in some shrink to talk to her."

"You gotta girl, man?" Tristan asked, fascinated

Tommy clumsily dug his cell phone from his pocket, and brought up a picture of Jude.

"Nice!" Tristan approved "You brought her around here? You in love with this bitch or something?"

"She's not a bitch." Tommy corrected, but wasn't offended by it - Tristan called every girl a bitch "And yup. She's...yeah." He blinked slowly and ordered another whiskey, requesting the bar tender leave the bottle; he did.

Tristan handed Tommy's phone back and drank from Tommy's glass "What's her name?"

Tommy snatched his drink back and handed Tristan the bottle "Jude."

Tristan nodded, "Good sex name."

Tommy snorted "What doya mean?"

"You know, easy to call out during sex. . .and it's sexy. . .can I have her?"

Tommy shook his head "No."

"Damn." Tristan muttered and looked around "How did we end up here?"

Tommy laughed, "I don't know, man. You tell me."

Tristan rubbed his nose and grimaced, "I think you broke my nose," Then it occurred to him, "Oh yeah, didn't we come here for ice or some shit?"

Tommy shrugged and dropped some bills on the bar, not bothering to count them and stared at the picture of Jude lying face-up next to drink "See her?" He asked and shoved out his pointer finger like he was preaching an important fact "I'm...I'm gonna marry her."

"Cool." Tristan seemed to approve "...Are you gonna share?"

Tommy locked his touch screen and shoved his phone into his pocket "Nope."

"Hey!" Tristan exclaimed a moment later "I heard you fucked up Mike, that true?"

Tommy wiped some spilled whiskey from his mouth and nodded "He had it coming."

Tristan's lips stretched into a wide, lopsided smile; he never liked Tommy's friends "Bravo."

Tommy smirked "You taught me everything I know."