Chapter 35
NayaFan - yeah sorry about the cliffhanger. But it had to be. She will realize this chapter - may not be that accepting of it but she will realize they are in it for the long haul. I could so picture Quinn doing that to the nurses and Rachel doing that to Noah. Yes as much as I want the parents to accept Brittana wholeheartedly I want it to be realistic. Thanks so much for your support and review.
amandaes417 – Never worry about the length of the review – at least you reviewed it – that's what makes me happy. I am glad you are still enjoying it.
Ryuen – Don't worry this chapter Quinn will finally learn where she belongs. Please remember she has been emotionally abused since she can remember so having someone say how much they love her is very foreign to her. But she will learn that she is a very big part of this family this chapter. She won't be an angel for Shelby but she will finally accept that she is one of Shelby's children. Thanks for reviewing and I hope you like it.
Anna – Well who is at the door is answered right away in this chapter. Trust me if it is Judy – she is not one to follow any type of rules when it comes to Quinn so….. I hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reviewing
Scout – Your gut is on to something. Santana is like a volcano right now because even though she is not as physically hurt as Rachel or Quinn she is still very emotionally hurt. She is going to need a lot of attention and she is going to have to finally let those walls crumble and let someone in. Thanks for reviewing.
look4me – Well you find out right away who is at the door waiting for Quinn. Quinn will also learn this chapter that she will be staying with the Corcorans and she will finally accept it. That being said everything is not going to be all perfect and rosy. She is Quinn Fabray and some habits will be very hard to break. Thanks for reviewing.
Iuterpi – I am glad I didn't disappoint you. There is a lot of Quinn in this chapter. Santana is getting pretty tired herself and things are starting to take their toll on her. Shelby recognizes this and its time to get the family home and for the therapy to begin. There are a lot of people looking after Rachel so Will should not get close to her and we sure do hope that he is caught soon too. Thanks for reviewing.
Drea LuRuiz – Shelby is strong and Rachel and Quinn have bonded so well. Let's see who is at the door – shall we? Thanks for the review.
A C one - Thank you – sometimes I can be hard on myself but I never want to disappoint. So thank you. You find out who is at the door immediately so hold on. Quinn needs to learn to open up and accept love and that is something she has never been allowed to do. She has no idea how to act when people actually love you. She will though I promise.
Cookie – Santana is going to be going through some rough emotions for a while. She has suppressed her feelings for so long and now she is supposed to talk about them – things are not going to go smoothly with that. Shelby does go to therapy as well but she is also a trained therapist so although she goes she also can cope better than these kids can. Thank you for the review. And trust me I am making a list of torture techniques for Mr. Shuester to suffer.
Karissa – They will be home this chapter – Thanks for the review.
OTHangels – Santana has a lot of people in her corner she just has to learn to accept them. Her and Britt are tighter than they both think. Thanks for reviewing.
Gleek1990 – Rachel and Quinn's speech got to me as well. They are both hurting so much and they need each other so much. One of the reasons Shelby doesn't notice is because Shelby doesn't know all that was said to the girls and Shelby looks at it with reason and Quinn looks at it through fear and past experiences. Thanks for reviewing.
Kimberlli – Let's see if you guessed right? We all cant wait until the creeper gets caught but I its not in this chapter yet. Thanks for the review.
30035 – There were many thoughts about whether Quinn was staying or leaving and you will find out this chapter what happens. What does happen is what is best for all involved. Quinn was rather emotionless at the door. The girl has been taught to hold her emotions in and therefore unless it is uncontrolled anger – her reactions to things are not normal. Sorry I can wish I could update sooner but this is the best I have right now. Thanks for being patient and sticking with the story.
Comfortless soul – Quinn has been taught for the last 16 years that she is useless and a waste so she has no idea how to control anything she feels. She has to relearn even the most basic of things. But she will I promise she will. Thanks for the review.
Theilliterate – Thank you for your review from Chile! Quinn will learn more to be a part. Noah and San will talk some more. Brittany and Santana will definitely have more interactions this chapter. Nana is staying with them for a while so she will most certainly find out about Brittana. They will talk.
lovecanbesostrange – One of the reasons for Rachel and Quinn's miscommunication is that they are both children and have not been listening to everything around them. Another reason is that they have both been traumatized. Just to clarify though- Leroy is the dad who died – Hiram is the evil monster that did everything and is in prison. He sent the letter to Puck when he was 18 its not known yet if he could ever reach out to Santana or Rachel but their mother and uncles will make sure that he never does. You will see who is at the door but it is not Suzy Pepper. Thanks for the review.
Fangirl44 – The girls certainly are not ready to confront their attackers but Noah will never let any of them near his sisters again. Poor Noah he is trying to help so much but feels so lost. He will get there with therapy though. Thanks for the review.
marinka4 – Sorry about the cliffhanger and I normally don't do it but it is where the story needed to be left off. I wish Dexter (from the TV show) was in this story because he would be perfect for Hiram, Will and Russell. But sorry no crossover. Jesse will be in the story later down the road but Rachel has to get better first. Thanks for the review and sorry again for the cliffhanger.
Renata – I would never try to kill my Brazilian! The adults are being as proactive as they can be and do not want to make a mistake by bringing in Mr. Shue too early without enough evidence they may lose him and not be able to have all the charges stick. They are trying but with the lying and the lack of information from the girls there is only so much they can do. But right now all of these kids will be in direct sight of an adult at all times so I think some progress will be made. Both girls are really not going to enjoy sponge baths by Shelby but Shelby will do it gently and with care. As always – thank you so much for your review. I enjoy them a great deal.
cbrownie26 – Nope not her sister! Nice guess though.
NinjaGleek21 – Thanks for the cookie – sorry for the cliffhanger! Enjoy this chapter!
Hazelstar – Read on please – see if you are right? More Brittana in this chapter and a huge step by San. Thanks for the review.
SadPanda13 - First let me start off by saying that you for the review. I am a fan of your stories as well so I am very happy that you enjoy this story. You are so write about predators finding and stalking their prey and it is awful There is a very nice Brittana moment in this chapter and there will be more to come I promise. I completely understand how some people can have a difficult time reading this story and that is why I am so diligent about my warnings on the chapters so thank you for continuing with it and finding a safe place to read it. I am sorry this touches so close to home for you. Again, thank you so much for reading, reviewing and sharing a little piece of yourself.
btvscharmedgirl – Sorry I have driven you crazy. Wait no more read on! Thanks
Rory Flannagan – I welcome you as a reader ! Not sure what # reviewer you were but thank you so so much for jumping on and enjoying this ride. Your words are too kind!
Ryoko05 – the misunderstanding is cleared up in this chapter – don't worry. Thanks for reviewing.
broadwaybound2016 – little secret for you – she doesn't! Sorry for the cliffhanger!
Filmaddict – Thank you so much for your review. I try to leave clues throughout the chapters as to where the story is going and sometimes when I don't have the action packed into the chapter I start to feel weird about the chapter. But thank you because when reviewers let me know that I am writing what I am trying to convey it makes me very happy.
TommyH – Thanks again for the review. Rachel and Quinn will continue to bond as sisters.
Hi Everyone! Sorry this chapter is so short. I hope to get back to my regular length next time. Thank you again for the reviews and bringing this little story over 1000. It's truly stunning. Thank you.
Please let me know what you think.
There are few triggers. No flashbacks, but things are discussed. It was a pretty emotional chapter. Please let me know.
Chapter 35
Quinn stared at the woman at the door. She didn't realize that everything she knew from her entire life had been changed so drastically after all this time she had spent with the Corcorans. Those changes never seemed as clear as they did in this very moment. The moment where her past stared back at her with blazing eyes.
"You... You can't be here," she whispered.
Judy Fabray stared at her. Her Louis Vutton jacket was normally freshly pressed and her hair and make up were usually flawless. However, now on the Corcoran's doorstep, her magazine-ready mother, who always used to hide her venomous self behind her impeccable appearance, never looked so out of place and dishevelled. Nevertheless, to everyone else, Judy Fabray remained put together as the matriarch of the Fabray line.
"I can do as I want," she hissed with narrowed eyes. She scoffed. "And you certainly cannot tell me what to do." She looked into the house with disgust. "Come on," she said sharply pulling Quinn through the door. "I know that dyke 'mother' of yours isn't here so-"
"Judy," a voice interrupted them. Quinn turned as she felt her mother loosen her grip.
Quinn saw Helen standing at the top of the stairs. That woman would have looked graceful in any situation. Quinn suddenly caught herself thinking about the movie Titanic and how everyone looked so nice as the unsinkable boat went down. Helen Berry was like that: graceful and elegant even when everything around her was sinking.
"Helen," Judy said in a tone of voice that Quinn had never heard her mother utter. It was soft and raw. She never thought her mother's voice could be like that.
"What's going on?" the graceful woman asked. Before anyone could answer, she continued, "Based on the situation, Judy I don't believe you're supposed to be here." Quinn watched Helen search Judy's eyes. "I know you shouldn't be here." The elder woman took a step forward. "So I need you to let go of my granddaughter and walk to your car and leave."
Judy's face suddenly changed. Quinn looked at her mother. She felt her arm gripped tighter. She finally looked like the woman that Quinn remembered.
"Your granddaughter," she scoffed. "Like hell. She is not related to you in anyway. I know you must think she is a piece of trash but you can't just pick up trash and claim it as your own."
Helen stepped forward between the two blondes, releasing Quinn from her grip. "Quinn, go upstairs," she said quietly but sharply.
Quinn just stared at her. Her mother had gripped her arm more times than Quinn could remember, but never had the hand removed, and especially not in the gentle way that Helen did. She couldn't move. She felt like things were moving in slow motion and racing past her all at once. She didn't know what was happening. she didn't even know whose side she should take. She just felt stuck.
"Quinn, go up stairs," Helen repeated gently.
Quinn looked at her and started to leave. She felt a hand clap around her arm. "Stay where you are, Quinn." She looked at Helen with the distaste that Quinn was so familiar with. "I am here to take my daughter home. I need to teach a nice little lesson about lying." Quinn caught her look and looked down at her feet. She knew what that would entail. "And then Russell and I-"
"First of all, Quinn, upstairs. Now," Helen said as she removed Judy's hand from Quinn's arm again in the same gentle fashion. The older woman suddenly realized that whatever was holding Quinn at that door wasn't going to move based on Helen's gentle words. Judy had a stronger pull that was built on sixteen years of hatred and anger. Helen knew she couldn't build Quinn up if she didn't recognize the foundation of the girl's life. "Judy, come here," she hissed. Helen took Judy's arm and led them down the walkway.
"Let me go," Judy hissed. However, Helen knew that Judy wouldn't have followed her otherwise.
"Get out of here, Judy. I will call the police and -" Helen began.
"No, you won't," she hissed. "She is not your granddaughter! She's my daughter! You have no right!"
"Leave, Judy," she said carefully and in a small voice. "She's not going with you!." Her voice remained even and she tried to be as quiet as possible to protect Quinn's last ounce of innocence. She continued, "You and Russell are doing nothing and apparently haven't done anything of good for sixteen years. And still by some miracle," she said raising her hand at Quinn who still seemed to be in a silent state. "You managed to raise an incredible young woman."
"You don't know anything about me," she sneered. "Not anymore." She locked eyes with the woman. She swallowed trying to regain some strength. For anyone who knew, Judy Fabray, they might have been surprised about her look she flashed at her. They may have seen the girl from twenty-two years ago, the Judy Garner before she met Russell or became pregnant at senior prom. "She's not your granddaughter. Not ever. She's a slut! A lying slut."
"She's staying," Helen hissed, losing her control over the softness of her voice. "Get out of here. I will call the police."
Judy shook her head. "You won't."
Helen took out her phone from her pocket. She said with a shake of her head, "When you were younger Judy I had hope for you. I thought you were just too young. You just needed to grow up, but now I see that I made a horrendous mistake. You will leave my daughters house right now and never speak to any of my granddaughters again."
She laughed. "You don't know anything about me. Don't preach to me when you yourself have a daughter that married out of race and then he turned out to be a fag." She could see that she was getting to Helen. She sneered and went on. "If it were up to me all your grandchildren would be taken from you and all of them would be sent to reform school – although there is no hope for any of them especially that youngest one." She narrowed her eyes. She could see that Helen was resisting the urge to hit her. "What's her name? Rachel?"
Quinn seemed to snap out of her stupor. "Shut up!" she yelled stepping between Helen and her mother. She frowned at her. "Shut up! Don't talk about any of them that way!" she spat. "Especially Rachel and -"
A slap rung out through the street.
Quinn felt her head snap back. She stared at the ground. She knew better than to talk to her mother like that.
"Don't ever disrespect me like that again, Quinn! Ever!" she yelled. She shook her head. "I can see the time here has not been good for you at all. Not at all."
Helen pulled the girl behind her. "Leave. Now."
"I am not leaving without the slut in tow," Judy snapped.
Helen ignored her. "Quinn, let's go, sweetheart," she said putting her hand on her back. She frowned as the girl flinched. "Let's go inside."
"I .. I …I need to go with her," Quinn whispered.
Helen looked at Quinn and then over at Judy who was looking triumphantly at her.
Joey's Prius pulled into the driveway. She climbed out of the car with an angry hiss and a pharmacy bag in tow.
"I believe she asked you to leave," Joey said climbing out of the car. "Mom, take Quinn inside."
"I... I don't... I can't go," she whispered not following the older woman. She didn't look at her mother, but she kept her gaze trained low. The slap didn't hurt. The pain from the accident and the pulsing aches from her surgery made her think back to every doubt she ever had with the Corcorans. All reason was absent from her. She was the little girl who was being brought down to the study. She was still that girl that didn't even take the time to run away. She was stuck.
"Quinn, let's go," Judy said.
"Inside, now!" Joey scolded. "Mom, call the police." Helen took out her phone. She turned back to Judy. "Get off our property now."
"What do you think you can do, Jo?" Judy taunted. "We're not sixteen anymore."
Joey shook her head. "You're not even a person anymore. You're terrible and hateful." She looked at her and took a step forward. "You didn't just ruin your life, but you tried to ruin her life. For sixteen years. Now if you are anything like the person I used to know, if that person is still in there, even just a little bit, I need you to leave."
Judy looked at her. Her gaze didn't soften noticeably but Joey saw it. "We're not those girls anymore. We're grown up and she's my daughter."
"Well, act like a mother," Joey hissed quietly. "And do what is best for her. Walk away." She shook her head as she felt tears burning in her eyes. She took a step forward to a person she used to know, but didn't anymore. "Leave. I know we're not the people we used to be." She looked at her and held her gaze for a moment before looking over her shoulder at Quinn. The sirens were in the distance. She looked back at her. "I know that my former best friend used to know how to fight and used to have things to fight for." She shook her head and wrinkled her nose as the tears flowed freely.
"I was weak," Judy spat, but didn't move.
"The person I knew wouldn't have stood by and accepted that this was her life," Joey continued.
"You know nothing about me. Never did."
Joey watched as the police pull up and start toward the pair. She spotted Quinn starring on with her mother trying her best to shield the young girl from something that Joey was sure that she had experienced more times than they were aware.
She shook her head and looked back at Judy. "I may not know you now," Joey whispered as the officer approached them. "But I know that you have always been weak. That's clearer than day.." Judy frowned and swallowed, wavering slightly. Joey continued, "We all have weak moments but you..." Joey shook her head.
"Is there a problem here?" an officer asked as he now stood next to the two women.
Judy continued to hold her gaze. "Many, but I'm leaving now." She straightened and looked at Quinn and shook her head. "You're a useless disappointment, Quinn you always have been." She looked at the cops and put her hands up in surrender. "I'm leaving."
Judy started down the driveway toward her cadillac.
"Hold on, Mark," Joey said following Judy. "Judy, you're still weak. You always will be." She followed more closely. "Mothers calling their daughters 'useless disappointments' Congratulations, Judy. You're not just weak but you have become your mother." Judy didn't turn around. She continued to have her back facing her. All those unsaid secrets were being quietly exposed. Judy only confided in one person about her mother. That person was Joey. Joey continued. "Except somehow you became worse. Always one for competition, huh? Congratulations." She paused. "You won."
Judy exhaled deeply and walked away.
Quinn watched her leave.
"Quinn, let's get you inside and put a washcloth on your cheek. It must hurt," Helen said gently.
"I'm fine," the blonde whispered. "It doesn't hurt."
She wasn't lying. She couldn't feel her cheek even though it was red. She couldn't feel anything. She couldn't process anything. She couldn't think about how Joey stuck up for her or how Helen called her her granddaughter. She couldn't feel any of it.
…..
Shelby looked down at her watch. Quinn was just getting settled at home. The nurse walked in for their hourly checks on Rachel. Shelby watched Rachel frown and sink deeper into Santana, who was sitting next to her.
"Do you really have to do this again? You just checked her an hour ago," Santana scolded.
Shelby looked over at her eldest daughter with an arched brow. Her daughter's aggravation and anger had increased every hour but now she was practically scolding the poor nurse. Rachel looked up at Santana with big eyes and a worried frown. She knew that Santana would never hurt Rachel, but she could see something was brewing in Santana's heart and it was going to explode.
"Santana, it is their job. That was rude," Shelby said sharply. "They need to check Rachel's vitals every hour to make sure that things are normal." Shelby combed her hand through Rachel's hair gently, watching Rachel look up at her with a reassuring, but disconnected look. "Maybe if you both relax, it will go faster."
She gave Rachel a weak smile. She hated that the nurses kept putting her in children's gowns with patterns on them. Before it was dinosaurs now it was teddy bears. Rachel didn't seem to notice the change or the gown, but everytime Shelby looked at her small body and still bruised face, she saw flashes of Rachel when she was in the hospital in New York. She took a deep breath. She couldn't think about that.
"Mommy, I want to go home," Rachel whispered, interrupting her thoughts.
Shelby could see Rachel regressing and Santana's exhaustion wearing on her. She knew that they needed to get them home. She called Elyse; it was decided that she was going to stop by in the next couple days. Captain Marshall wanted to ask Rachel more questions. Shelby had been watching Rachel closely since all of this began. It was blatantly clear that she was terrified. Shelby was searching her mind over and over for what Rachel was scared of. It ached because Shelby knew something happened. There was physical evidence of that. However, Rachel was denying it all. Previous clients that Shelby had would have responded to being pushed or badgered, but not Rachel. She was regressing more. She needed to get them out of here and get them home. Rachel wouldn't talk unless she felt safe.
"I know, bug," she whispered. "Let me check with Dr. Pierce." She looked at her elder of her three daughters. "Please let the nurses do their work," she warned Santana. "Rach, you're okay. You're safe with Sanny."
She left the room as Rachel looked wearily up at the nurse as she took her blood pressure.
"Tom, Tom," she said catching up with him as he walked down the hallway. He looked over at her.
"What's up?" he asked pulling a chart from the nurse's counter.
"I need to get Rachel home," she said. "I need to get her home and Santana home." She took a deep breath and let her voice quiver. "I need her to feel safe. "
Tom looked at her carefully. "We need for her to sleep some more here."
"No, no, no, Tom," she said quietly. "You know, Rachel. You know, San. She's scared and she can't be here." Shelby teared up. "Please. I need her home."
Tom looked at her for a moment and then looked back at the nurse. "Can you give me Rachel Corcoran's chart?" He looked through it. "She is still very fragile and the only reason I will allow it is because of her history but I have to do the exam first and see if everything is ok then she can go." Shelby breathed a sigh of relief. "But I'm sending a nurse to the house everyday for a week for both girls. I need their vitals taken everyday." He took a deep breath. "Any sign of anything concerning, they're coming back."
She nodded. "Sure. No problem. Yeah," she said. She wiped her eyes. "Tell me about the exam. What kind of …." She trailed off as she looked at Tom. Her mouth dropped open in understanding. "Okay. Let me get Bear to bring San away and-"
Tom took a deep breath. "Well, um...," he began tapping on the chart in hesitation. "Brittany's here. If uh... Maybe she can take Santana down to the cafeteria." He gave a slight shrug. I
Shelby arched an eyebrow. "Really?" She nodded. "I'll let San know."
Tom gave a nod. "I'll get Britt."
…..
Noah looked around the waiting room. His uncle was talking with the doctors. He thought about the letter again. He couldn't go hunt Will. His uncle kept a close eyes on him. He heard the police officers talking about how they were still looking for him but there were others coming forward. However, they kept ceasing all conversations when they noticed that he was standing there. He looked up and spotted a pay phone. He dug his hand in his pocket. He had found some change in the waiting room couch cushions earlier.
He stood up and walked to the payphone.
"Operator?"
"Sing Sing prison please," Noah said quietly looking around him making sure that he wasn't being watched.
"One moment please."
He looked around anxiously until the voice came back.
"Please deposit $15.25," the operator said.
"Uh...," he struggled quietly. "I need to know..." He took a deep breath. "What are your visiting hours?"
"$15.25 please."
"Noah!"
He jumped and looked up. He threw the phone back onto the phones cradle.
"Yeah?" he asked looking up at his uncle.
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing," he shrugged.
He frowned and searched his nephew's eyes. There's something in his eyes. He was searching for answers and trying to gain control.
"Noah," he began. "The girls need you."
"You don't think I know that?" he asked throwing his hands in the air. He took a deep breath. "I need something."
He looked at the young boy. "I have a few ideas."
Noah looked back at him.
"I should check with Rachel and San..." he said with a shrug.
"Noah."
He looked up and his mother was walking down the hallway. "Hey," he said. "I can help. What can I do?"
"How are you?" she asked quietly.
He shrugged. "How's Rach? Where's San?" He chuckled. "Did she beat up a nurse yet?"
Shelby shook her head. "Not funny, Noah," she said trying to conceal her chuckle. "Seriously. How are you?"
"I'm fine, Ma," he said shaking his head and putting his hands into his pockets.
She frowned and looked at her son. "Is this about the crumpled ball of paper?" she asked. "The one in Florida?"
He stared at her. Were there cameras? Did his mother plant cameras? She knew everything. How did she know this?
He shook his head. "No." He shook his head again. "No."
"Noah, you're going to have to talk to me."
"I don't want to talk to you," he said sharply. "About that..." he recovered. He gave his mother a small smile. "Because it was nothing." He looked at her. "Give me something to do. Please."
She searched her son's eyes for answers. Finally, she knew that he needed something. "Rachel's going home," she said finally. "I want the girls to be downstairs. Rachel and Quinn need to take it easy and obviously, San will want to be downstairs."
He nodded in understanding. "We can head home," he said. "And we can move the beds into the family room."
She nodded. "Sure," she said softly. "Your grandfather will be back to help you." She looked deep into her son's eyes. "Talk to me later okay?" He nodded.
"Yeah," he whispered walking toward the waiting room with a new task.
Bear looked at his sister-in-law. "We need to watch him."
Shelby nodded. "I know," she muttered. "We need to watch all of them."
…..
Santana watched her mother re-enter the room. There was a look on her face.
"San, can you come here for a second?"
She took a deep breath and gave Rachel a gentle nod. "Be right back," she muttered. The climbed out of the bed and went toward her mother who walked into the hallway.
"What?" Santana asked.
"I need you to go to the cafeteria," her mother said easily.
"Why?" she asked with a frown.
"Brittany's waiting for you," she said simply.
Her face faltered. "Why is she here?"
"To support you," Shelby said carefully.
Santana narrowed her eyes. "When are we going home? I'm needed here."
Shelby took a deep breath. "You are, but I also need you to go with Brittany. Rachel needs an exam and I need you not to be here."
"Why?" Santana spat loudly. "She needs me, Mom! She can't do that alone."
"She won't," she said quietly. "She has me."
"Mom, this is ridiculous," she practically screamed.
"Santana," she began still steadily. "You are angry at the nurses when Rachel gets her blood pressure checked." She searched Santana's eyes. "I need you to see that Rachel can't handle you screaming at them when she's going to have a hard time herself."
Santana shook her head. "That makes no sense to me."
"She's going to cry, San," Shelby said. "It's going to be hard-"
"I can handle it," Santana said.
"But you don't have to," Shelby said again. "San, I know you and -"
"Then you should know that I need to be in there, Mom," she hissed. "She needs me. She needs me just as much as she needs you." She was breathing heavily. "I don't want to see Brittany." She shook her head and looked back at the room. "You're right. She's going to cry and be scared but I need to be there." She shook her head. "Why don't you think I can handle this?"
"Because you don't have to," Shelby said with soft eyes.
Santana shook her head frantically. "She needs me. She'll need me there."
"She might, but she also jumps every time you yell at the nurse," Shelby said carefully.
She narrowed her eyes and looked at her mother. "You think I'll hurt her?"
"That's not what I said, Santana," Shelby began.
"That's what you're saying though," she scolded. She shook her head. "I would never do that. Not ever!"
"What I'm saying, San," Shelby said looking at her, trying her best to get her daughter to see and hear her. "Is that you freaking out and yelling at the doctor as Rachel is crying isn't going to make the exam go faster."
Santana bit her lip. "I …. I won't," she said quickly. "I'll just hold her and -"
Shelby pulled her eldest daughter to her. "I know you think that this is just happening to Rach and Quinn," she whispered. "But it's not. This is happening to you too. It's making you remember too. I need to do this. You need to step away for this."
"I want to be in there, Mom," she said shakily.
"No, sweetheart, you think you need to, but you don't need to," she said holding her tightly.
"She wants me there," Santana whispered.
"Maybe, but she wants to go home, San," Shelby whispered. "You both need to go home."
She sunk into her mother's embrace. "I need her to be okay, Mom," she said quietly.
"She will be, San," Shelby replied.
"Excuse me?" the two of them looked up and the intern that had been helping on Rachel's case was standing there waiting.
"Yes?" Santana asked not remembering her name, but not caring enough to feel remorse.
"Rachel's asking for you."
Santana looked at her mother, knowing that her mother was right, but hating that she was. She reentered the room. Rachel was sitting up in that stupid teddy bear gown. God, Santana hated that gown.
"I think maybe I might be hungry," she said quietly.
Santana knew that Rachel wasn't hungry. She simply didn't want to be in the room alone anymore. The elder girl looked over at her mother and took a deep breath.
"Rachel," Shelby said going to her daughter's side. "Dr. Pierce says you can go home."
Rachel smiled. Santana couldn't remember the last time she saw a smile.
"Really?" she asked with big eyes. The younger girl looked at Santana with eager eyes.
The older girl felt like she was hiding behind her mother as Shelby approached the bed. "Bugs," she said quietly. "They need to do an exam before you leave."
Santana watched Rachel's face fall.
"Oh," she whispered. She shook her head and Santana could see tears building in her eyes. "I told you nothing happened... I just... I … um... I fell..." She looked at Santana for help. "I …. I fell..."
"On what?" Santana asked sharply. "Nails?"
Her mother snapped her head and looked at her. Santana licked her lips as she realized that was outloud. "I … I'm sorry, Rach," she said softly.
Rachel looked up at her with a furrowed brow. She bit her lip. "Yeah," she muttered. "On nails." Her voice was so tiny.
Santana looked at her and pushed her tongue into her cheek trying to freeze the sorrow in her own face. God, she hated teddy bears.
"Rachel, I'm sorry," she said again.
Rachel gave a small nod and played with the arms of her stuffed monkey. "It was nails," she muttered to herself.
"Hi," a voice said from the door.
Santana never felt more relief than she felt in that moment.
"Hi," Brittany said again. "Do you um..." Satana could tell that she felt the tension in the room. "Do you wanna get something to eat?"
Rachel looked up at her with big eyes and a trembling breath.
"You're leaving?" she asked.
"Yeah, bugs," Santana said. "Mom's gonna stay with you."
Rachel bit her lip. "Okay," she muttered, wondering what she did wrong.
She took a deep breath and turned away from Rachel. Santana looked back once more at her tiny baby sister and then she left her.
Shelby watched her daughter leaving knowing that Santana was fighting her own battle and confronting her own failures.
"Santana," she called, but the girl didn't turn.
She needed to talk to her about that. She looked over at Rachel who was shaking as she stared at her aged stuffed monkey.
"Rach," she said softly. "Honey, are you okay?"
Rachel looked up at her with big tears rolling down her cheeks. "Are you mad at me?"
Shelby frowned. "Not at all."
Rachel bit her lip and wiped her tears. "I... I'm not lying... I just... I fell."
She frowned. Why was she lying? The answer was right in front of her. She took a deep breath. "Rach, look at me." The girl hesitated for a moment, but conceded. "There is nothing that you did wrong. You're brave. I'm not angry. Sanny's not angry. No one is mad at you."
"Not yet," she whispered.
Shelby took a deep breath. "There's nothing that you can do or say, Rachel, that'll make me or anyone in this family stop loving you."
"You don't know that," Rachel said turning away from her mother.
"Yeah, I do," Shelby said with a tiny chuckle. She climbed into the bed with her baby girl. "Come here, Rachel."
Her heart broke as Rachel hesitated. She was thankful as Rachel let her mother wrap her arms around her. She kissed her softly on her temple as she rocked her gently. "The number of reasons why I love you are endless." She intertwined her hands in Rachel's She could see the tiny cuts on them. "You're strong. You're brave." She kissed her softly trying to will away the stupid teddy bears and her daughter's doubt. "I've known you your whole life. You have yet to disappointment me. I have not lived one moment in your whole life that I didn't love you. Same goes for the others." Rachel looked up at her quietly, searching her eyes for signs of lies. "Do you hear what I'm saying?"
Rachel looked at her with trepidation. She nodded. Not yet, she thought again. Her mother didn't know how she ruined everything. Not yet.
…..
Brittany watched Santana carefully. She took a sip of her coffee. She bit her lip and finally asked.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," Santana responded quickly. "Sorry," she said with regret. "It's just... complicated."
"Explain it to me," the blonde said carefully.
Santana shook her head. "No," she said shortly.
"Well, I know that you don't want to talk about you," she said. "But do you mind if I talk?"
Santana looked up and met her gaze.
Brittany continued. "I'm scared. I'm scared for you. For Quinn... I know that I don't know what happened." She hesitated and met Santana's dark eyes. "And I don't want to pressure you into telling me."
"I know," the brunette interrupted. "It just feels as if everything is falling apart, but I don't know how to need you."
"There's not a right way, Santana," she said, instinctively taking her hand across the table. Santana stared at it hesitantly.
"Yes, there is." She shook her head. "I'm not good for you."
"I know that you think you're too damaged to deserve anything good.-"
"And you think that we're good enough for each other because you get me," Santana said with a slight hiss, but retreated.
"Well, everyone has their damage, San," Brittany said quietly. "I know I don't know what happened to you," she said carefully. "But there are things that you don't know about me, too. The difference is that I'm trying here." She shook her head. "I'm not looking to fix you. I'm sorry that it made it seem like that. You used to relax around me. You used to just … I don't know. We used to fit." She shook her head. "How can we get that back?"
Santana swallowed. "I don't know."
Brittany looked at her. "I know that I should be there for you. And I am, but I'm going to say this. I need you too." She locked eyes with the girl. "I need you, too," she said more quietly. She shook her head and waved her hand. "We don't have to talk. I just... I'm just trying to get you back. We used to talk about stupid stuff. We used to trust each other. We used to make fun of people and make up stories about them. We used to be so much better. And Im sorry if that makes me selfish but I can't …. I can't just do this."
Santana had done so many things wrong that she had lost count. It did feel like the same conversation over and over again. And still Brittany was here, trying. She looked down at their still adjoined hands. She swallowed trying to figure out the right thing to say and do. She licked her lips and looked around the cafeteria. She was here. She could make another mistake or, she thought glancing back at Brittany, she could try. She spotted a man at the buffet line. She squeezed Brittany's hand.
"That man's name is Aaron. He's a fourth year. He doesn't think his specialty should be ortho." Brittany frowned at her, but Santana continued. "He doesn't think that because he doesn't know if he's strong enough to break bones." She saw Brittany's eyes soften. She gave her a small smile and continued. "He doesn't even want to be a surgeon. He wants to work on a farm, but he thinks it might be a waste."
"It's not a waste though," Brittany said interrupting. "Anything, but." She gave Santana a small smile. Brittany spotted another doctor. "That woman's name is Cleopatra, but she goes by Cleo-"
"Hey,Britt," Santana said tracing Brittany's hand with her thumb. "My dad's name was Leroy." Brittany straightened and looked at Santana, surprised at the abrupt end to their game. She watched as Santana continued to trace the back of her hand with her thumb. "He called me Taz," she whispered. Brittany rested her hand on top of Santana's wrist, trying to assure her that she didn't need to continue. "He had a stroke in the elevator...and I was with him." She looked at Brittany, patiently, waiting for a response. Brittany just looked at her, she wasn't shocked or sad. She just, Santana searched her eyes, she was just there. She was accepting her. They both knew that Santana hadn't ever mentioned her father before this. Not ever. "I miss him everyday," she said with a broken voice.
Brittany squeezed her arm. She reached across the table and wiped away Santana's tears that had escaped her typically hard eyes. She let her hand linger and cup the girl's face. She felt her heart melt as Santana leaned into it.
"Taz," Brittany whispered with a small smile. "I like that."
Santana nodded. "So," she said wiping away her own tear and taking Brittany's hand. "Cleo?"
Brittany nodded. "Yeah," she said with a quiet nod. "Yeah." She gave a little smile. "Cleo really hates that guy over there," Britany said pointing to a man coming into the cafeteria. Santana smiled as Brittany went on.
….
Michael lifted the mattress and the box spring.
"Okay, Noah, are you going to help me here?" he asked curiously.
He frowned looking through the attached bathroom door. "She's sleeping?" he asked.
"Yes, that's what Joey said," he said tilting Santana's bed frame.
"She's not sleeping," Noah said. "She … " he looked at the door. "I know she's not sleeping."
Michael straightened and looked at his grandson. "Okay, what's up, bud?"
"She's hiding," he said simply.
He nodded. "Well, she's having a hard day," he said.
"It's not just a hard day," Noah said still looking at the door. "Her mother hit her." Michael looked at him in surprise. The young guy looked at him with a small smile. "You guys aren't good at keeping your voices down when you talk about things in the backyard." He looked back at the door. "Quinn's going over and over what her mother said and how she's right." He looked at his grandfather. "When she..." He took a deep breath. "We had chemistry once...I was... held back in that class... and well, she's obnoxiously smart so she was in that class."
Michael frowned and allowed him to go on. "You aren't dumb, Noah. Chemistry's not for everyone."
"Once, she came in and she was … I don't know... being weird," he frowned, still staring at the door. "She was quiet and stuff. This was her freshman year. Freshman and in chemistry. She's wicked smart." He shrugged. "She was done with the lab and she just let me, Mike, and Finn copy it. She did it ahead of time for fun..." He shook his head. "For fun..." He looked at his grandfather. "She spent the whole period reorganizing all of the lab equipment. She's not sleeping, Pop-Pop. She's in there trying to organize something." He looked back at the door. "She's in there hiding."
Michael gave a nod. "Okay," he said carefully. "What do you want to do?"
Noah looked at his grandfather carefully. "I... I don't know..." He frowned deeper. "She likes pancakes and bacon. She won't admit it, but she does."
Michael chuckled. "We can make pancakes."
Noah nodded and grabbed one end of the box spring. "Kay," he said.
….
Rachel looked over at her mother with a trembling breath. Shelby gave her a weak smile. "We're gonna go home after this, bug, okay?" Shelby watched her nod nervously. God, Shelby thought, she really hated those damn gowns. She shook her head, attempting to keep her brave face on. And teddy bears. She hated teddy bears too.
"Rachel," an intern began. "We're going to give you something to relax your nerves okay?"
She nodded and watched as the intern put it in her IV. She looked at her mother. "I changed my mind," she whispered.
Shelby licked her lips and gave a small smile. She leaned down closely and kissed Rachel on her forehead. "I know you don't want to do this, bug," she began as she moved her hair out of her face. "You are so brave and I know you're tired. I just need you to be brave for a little while longer." She combed her hand through her hair. "And then we can go home. Okay?"
Rachel gave a tiny nod. "You wanna hold George?" the intern asked. Shelby couldn't remember her name, but she knew that the young doctor knew the family well enough that she knew about George. Shelby kicked herself. normally she was better with names.
"Thank you," she said quietly as the intern handed Rachel the monkey.
The door opened. "Hi, Rachel. My name is Dr. Parish and I'm going to-"
"Excuse me, where is Dr. Pierce?" Shelby said quickly.
"He's the head of pediatric surgery he doesn't need to do -"
The intern cleared her throat at the pompous doctor. He began again. "He was called in for surgery that will take about eight hours. He explained to me that you wanted to get out of here as fast as you could. So I said I could do this exam."
Shelby nodded and looked at Rachel. "I'm going to talk to Dr. Parish, okay?"
Rachel bit her lip and nodded. Shelby watched as the intern went to Rachel and talked to her quietly, trying to relax her.
Shelby pulled Dr. Parish aside. "I know that this is just another exam for you but this isn't that for my kid. Got it?" she hissed. She turned back to Rachel and gave her nervous baby girl a smile. She turned back to the doctor. "Everything else on your mind needs to be put aside. She's scared and will probably cry though this. I need you to be focused."
"Ma'am, I'm well-aware of your case. My apologies before," he said gently. "I will be as quick and gentle as I can. I will also show you how to apply a cream that Dr. Pierce recommended." He paused. "It'll help with the healing." Shelby nodded. "I'll take care of her. We'll get you guys out of here."
Shelby returned to Rachel's side. Rachel reached out and took her mother's hand.
"Can you scoot to the end of the table, Rachel?" he asked.
Shelby helped Rachel move to the end of the table and put her legs in the stirups. She sat behind with her own legs hanging off the side of the exam table. "You're doing great, Rach," she whispered as she planted her a kiss on her temple.
"Alright, Rachel, I'm going to put this in okay?"
Shelby could feel her youngest child shaking in her arms. She hushed sweet nothings into her ear. "You're okay, bug. You're okay. I'm right here." She felt the tiny body in her arms tense and a small cry echo through the room. It was in.
"Good girl, Rachel. Good girl," Dr. Parish cooed.
Shelby felt Rachel's body stiffen even more. She looked down and could see that Rachel was crying. Tears slid down her cheeks.
"Don't worry, Rachel. You're doing great," the doctor said gently.
Shelby could see Dr. Parish moving. Normally, Rachel would be sobbing. Her gaze snapped back to Rachel. She wasn't moving. Her tears were big. She was silent. Rachel had never been like this before. She was almost catatonic.
"Rachel, I'm going to open it a little bit more." Dr. Parish moved. Tiny clicks echoed in the room as the tool was widened.
Rachel let out a tiny sob but remained still with big tears running down her face.
"Good girl," he said again.
Shelby watched as Rachel's face contorted with even more fear, but she remained still.
Then it hit her. She wasn't pushing him away or crying or clinging to Shelby because she was in pain and fear of the exam. She wasn't in that room. It was his words. It was what he said. What had he said? She repeated the last few minutes. 'Good girl' was what the doctor said. She felt her stomach drop. Rachel wasn't in the room because she was with him. She searched her daughter's eyes, they were frozen in fear. She was laying on the table frozen, her raw body exposed to the world. It was as if that wasn't enough, but she also needed to be triggered back to the place she didn't feel her mother's presence. He must have said that to her; she was with him.
"Rachel," she said gently. "Rachel, look at Mommy." She didn't, but instead squeezed her eyes shut. "Rachel, Mommy's right here." Shelby looked at the intern and Dr. Parish. "You triggered something. You need to finish up."
Dr. Parish nodded.
"Rachel," Shelby whispered. She maneuvered herself so she could cup Rachel's frowning face. "Baby, open your eyes. You're safe. You're with Mommy. You're safe. Open your eyes, Rachel."
She could hear the beeping in the background increase. She needed to calm her down.
Rachel shook her head. "Pleasepleaseplease I'm sorry. I'll be good," she whispered with her eyes closed. "Iwantmymom."
Shelby felt like her heart was on the floor. She suddenly imagined how that bastard lay on top of her baby bug, pinning her down as her youngest child begged for her, her mother. She swallowed the lump in her throat.
"Rachel," she whispered. "I'm right here. Mommy is right here." She looked at Dr. Parish who said something about being almost finished. "Rachie, come on, open your eyes. I'm right here. You're safe. You're here with me, with Mommy."
Shelby watched with relief as her brow softened. She was finally getting to her. Rachel opened her big brown eyes that were now filled with tears.
"I tried to be good," she whispered.
"I know, Rach," Shelby sobbed still cupping her face. She watched with heartache as Rachel let out a sob and Dr. Parish pulled out the tube of cream from his pocket..
"You did go-" Shelby shot the man a glare before he could finish. He nodded and went on. "I'm going to put on some cream Rachel to help you..."
Rachel looked up at Shelby again in panic. "It'll be uncomfortable, Rachel, but I'm right here. Okay? Right here."
She knew that Rachel didn't need to feel someone touching her private area, not again. She was scared. She needed to rebuild that safe place for her daughter... for all of her children. It was never so obvious than in that moment how that was robbed from her.
"Mommy's right here," she whispered. "Right here."
….
Shelby turned onto her street. She gripped the steering wheel a little harder. She received the call from Joey when Rachel was wheeled back into her room. She discharged Rachel and it was exhausting. It was all exhausting. Then the call from Joey made her stomach drop even more. Judy was at her house. Then she slapped Quinn across her face on her front lawn and called her a useless disappointment. She needed to keep herself together. She glanced in the rear view mirror at the backseat and saw Rachel asleep against Santana.
She pulled into the driveway. Noah and Michael were moving the beds into the family room. Santana helped maneuver Rachel into Shelby's arms. Shelby shifted the sleeping girl, careful around Rachel's incision sites. She gave the men a small smile. She looked at her boy.
"Thanks, Noah," she whispered. She lay Rachel down gently on the bed. Santana crawled in next to her. She had been silent since she came back from her time with Brittany. Shelby gave a mental note to check on that.
She looked around. "Where's Quinn?" she said as the girls settled.
Joey looked at her mother. "Upstairs," she said simply.
Shelby looked at Rachel, who was stirring slightly.
"I got her," Santana said quietly.
Joey looked at Shelby. "I got them."
Santana watched Shelby climb the stairs. She looked over at her aunt.
"What happened?" she asked.
Joey opened her mouth to speak, but Rachel gave a little stretch. She was no longer in the gown, but in a Noah's jersey and Santana's sweatpants. Joey had insisted on changing her when they got home. Rachel reached out and stretched her arms.
"Can we go home now?" she asked quietly.
"We are home, sleepyhead," Santana said
"Oh," Rachel said, opening her eyes. The drugs were wearing on her. She felt her eyes get heavy again.
The doorbell rang jolting her awake. "Who can that be? " Helen asked the room.
Rachel's eyes flickered open as she looked toward the foyer. She felt Santana's arms around her, protecting her. She wondered if Santana could feel her heartbeat increasing as Rachel saw Jackie enter the foyer. She was talking quietly to her grandmother as Helen pointed up the stair. Rachel leaned back against Santana. It was happening, she thought to herself. Everything was officially starting to fall apart.
…...
Shelby climbed the stairs and opened the door gently. Quinn was pacing and opening and closing the drawers.
"I thought you were sleeping," she said gently as she entered the room.
"I'm not," she said with a toss of her head moving past her. "Leave me alone."
"What are you doing?" Shelby asked carefully.
"Nothing." She still avoided her eyes. "Isn't it obvious?" She shook her head in disbelief. "I'm leaving. I'm getting out of your way."
"Quinn," Shelby said stepping into her line of fire. "You're not going away, you need to lay down. You just had major surgery and you need to get in bed."
"I don't want to get in bed!" she hissed.
"Quinn," Shelby said again. "Let's sit down."
"I don't want to do that either!" She snapped her head. "I already said my goodbyes. I just want to leave." She escaped the mother's arms. "Just leave me be."
"Quinn, you're not leaving."
They looked toward the door. Jackie stood there with her arms across her chest.
"Well you're here," Quinn said plainly.
"I'm here to talk with you," she said carefully. "Not take you anywhere."
The blonde frowned. She refused to believe this. She wasn't just going to say goodbye and then have to take it back. She didn't do that.
"I heard your mother stopped by." The sixteen year old froze. "Quinn we need to talk," Jackie said. "Especially about the reason your mother stopped by and," she sighed, "the fact that she did."
Quinn remained standing. "Quinn, your mother shouldn't have confronted you like she did. I have a feeling she was upset about what we talked about."
The blonde looked at her questioningly. "What?"
"Quinn, please sit down," Shelby urged.
The blonde shook her head. "Tell me what you talked about," she said dryly.
"We explained that we're changing her case plan," Jackie said carefully. "Your case plan"
"To what?" Quinn snapped.
"Severance," Jackie said carefully.
Quinn looked at her in silence. Severance. To sever. Quinn searched her vocab. To break apart. The action of ending a relationship. Her mother was going to lose her. She would never go back. If she were a good person...if she were 'normal' and 'well adjusted.' she should feel happy, right? She was going to be free of her... that's what they were trying to tell her.
However, Quinn didn't feel happy at all.
She let her body sink back into the bed, ignoring the shot of pain that surged through her body. She didn't feel better. She didn't feel saved or comforted by the fact that her mother might never slap her again. She put her hand to her cheek.
She felt alone.
Her life had never been perfect or even remotely ideal, but it had been hers. However, now here it was. The community, the state was involved in her life telling her, affirming and sealing their stamp of disapproval that her life had been wrong. To have it whispered in her head was one thing, to have it affirmed and recognized as such by strangers was another. Her entire life, her sixteen years had been recognized as a disaster.
She looked up angrily at the woman. Her frown was knitting her brows together. "Where were you?"
"What?" Jackie asked.
Quinn shook her head as angry tears rolled down her cheeks. "You can't do this. You can't come in when I only had to survive two more years. Two more years and I was an adult. I was out." She stood up and ran to the woman holding her arms out to push her but Shelby held her back. "I didn't need you save me! I don't need any of you! I just needed air that night. That's all I needed. I'm not yours to save! I just needed two more years. I needed to survive for two more years and I was out..." She shook her head and stopped trying to escape Shelby's arms. "Where were you when I was seven and my father had to buy a stronger belt because he broke it on Frannie's back because of something I did? Where were you when I couldn't hold my legs up while doing the dishes because he used his hand to take me from behind to teach me a lesson? Where were you when I was barely fifteen years old and he took my virginity? Where were you when my mother found out?" She shook her head furiously. "Were you there when I was pregnant?" She breathed deeply and felt like her chest was crumbling. "Were you there when I lost the baby"? She let out a sob. She couldn't feel the pain in her body. All she felt was the emptiness. "You can't save me after sixteen years! You should have left me there! You ruined it! You ruined it!" She looked back at Shelby in panic. "I take it back. I take back that night. Nothing happened." She looked at Shelby. She pushed her away. "I don't need you! I don't need anyone!" Quinn fell out of Shelby's arms as Shelby tried desperately to catch her.
"Leave me alone!" She looked at Shelby furiously. "I don't need you to care about me! I don't need you to love me! I need you to leave me the fuck alone!"
"Quinn," Shelby began dropping down next to her.
"Don't tell me that I have the rest of my life. Don't tell me that I'm only sixteen, because you can't tell that to a person... you CAN'T." She looked at Shelby. "Let me go." She shook her head. "I can't... I can't do this with you. All of this... I just can't."
Shelby leaned forward. "I wasn't there for the past sixteen years and I know that." She cupped Quinn's face. "I know you think I'm giving up on you, but there is no way I'm ever going to think of you as any less than my child."
Quinn sunk into her chest. She realized that everything that her life had been built around was fractured. She knew it was unstable but she didn't realize how weak it was. She couldn't. She felt so safe in Shelby's arms and she hated it. She tried to push away as she banged her fists weakly against her chest. "I don't need you. I don't." She looked at her fiercely. "I don't. I don't." She shook her head. "Leave me alone!"
"Not a chance, Quinn," Shelby whispered. "You think that your time is up at eighteen." She searched her eyes for confirmation. "It's not. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. For nineteen, for twenty five, for forty, I am here to stay."
"Please," Quinn sobbed trying to push her away weakly.
"I love you so much, Quinn," she said clearly. "Anything and everything you are will always be enough for me." Shelby pulled her closer. "I need you, Rachel needs you, Santana needs you, Noah needs you Quinn, you may not need us but we need you."
Quinn took a deep breath. She couldn't give into this. She couldn't. However, she had no fight left in her. Therefore, she gave into that last piece that she had been trying to protect, that last piece of self that she thought she could keep sacred. It was small but it was there. She leaned into Shelby giving it to her. Her dignity.
….
Santana opened her eyes. The sun had gone down. The last thing she had remembered was trying to cover Rachel's tired ears and distract her from Quinn yelling upstairs. She understood why the girl was so upset but it was hard for her to listen to what Quinn lived with for sixteen years, she didn't want Rachel to hear it.
She blinked and looked around. The television was on ESPN and there were Cheeto crumbs in the lounge chair next to her. She rolled her eyes. Her brother must have been sitting there. She reached out. The bed was empty.
"Rachel?" she asked.
She shot up.
"Rachel?"
"Noah?" she called out.
Noah ran into the room with a sandwich in his hand. "What? What?" he asked frantically.
"Where is she? Where the hell is she? Where's Mom?" She ran toward the stairs. She didn't ever wait for a response. "Mom! Mom!"
She was gone. He took her again. He took her from her arms while she was sleeping. Her heart was beating on the floor. She had lost her again. She ruined it.
She ran up the stairs two at a time and froze.
Rachel was standing outside her mother's room. Her bruised and scratched hand was resting on the outdoor knob staring ahead into the room.
"Rachel?" she asked
The small girl continued to look ahead. Santana followed her gaze. Her mother was curled around Quinn in Shelby's bed. They were both sound asleep.
"Rachel," she said gently again. She reached out and brushed a strand of her messy hair behind her ear. "Bugs?" she whispered.
Rachel looked at Santana. That's when she noticed the big tears that had formed in her eyes. She shook her head softly. "I'm sorry."
Santana frowned as she knelt down in front of Rachel. "For what?"
She felt her sister wrap her arms around her neck. "I didn't mean to..." she muttered into Santana's neck.
"Rachel," she whispered. "Bugs," she hugged her back.
"I …I didn't mean to," she began.
"To what, Rach?" Noah asked kneeling down next to his sisters.
Rachel looked at her brother as she leaned away from Santana, but kept her hands around her neck. She released a shaky breath and shook her head. She didn't mean for her mother to have to say goodbye to Quinn so quickly. She was glad that Jackie had given then one last night together. That's what happened. Right? She turned back to Santana.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. Santana was unaware of the whispers of failures in Rachel's mind because her own were screaming too loudly.
"What for?' Santana pleaded. "Please. What for?"
"What's going on?" Michael asked coming to the top of the stairs and closing Shelby's door. "Baby bug, you should be in bed." He scooped her up gently into his arms. "Let's get you back to bed, sweetie."
"Pop-pop," Noah said causing him to stop.
Michael looked at his grandson and gave him a knowing nod. "Head down to the kitchen and we'll talk."
Santana watched her brother and grandfather descend down the stairs. The answer was right there. The answer to getting Rachel talk was there. She stood up from the ground, not realizing that she was still kneeling and headed downstairs.
"Hey," she said wondering into the kitchen.
"Hey," Noah muttered. He watched Santana sit defeated at the counter. "Heads up," he called. He threw her an Odwalla drink. "How is she?" he asked after she gave a nod of thanks.
He looked up with Santana didn't reply. She had her gaze down and she was rolling the drink in her hands.
"San?" he asked.
She licked her top lip. "This isn't how this was supposed to happen, Noah," she whispered staring at the drink. She looked at her brother. "This isn't how it's supposed to be like. This is your senior year. I'm on the Cheerios." She finished with a whisper. "This is not how we're supposed to finish high school." She shook her head. "This is not how we're supposed to finish our childhood."
Noah looked at her gently. "Sanny," he said quietly sitting next to her. "We'll fix this. They'll be okay. We'll be okay."
She shook her head. "You didn't see her when she came back from the exam," she whispered.
"I know," he muttered, caught in his own past.
She shook her head and frowned again. "I didn't mean it like that," she said quietly. She stared down at her hands. "This isn't how it's supposed to happen," she repeated.
"Maybe not," he said finally. "But it's how it's happening."
She looked at him and shook her head with a weak smile. "Always a way with words."
He shifted in his seat. "We all know something," he said quietly with a thoughtful frown.
She looked at him confused. "Well, of course we do," she said annoyed. "I just...I don't know how to help her. I don't know how to get her to trust me."
"San, you lay with her. She trusts you," he said gently. "She's just scared."
"She can tell me anything," Santana whispered. "But she's not."
"I heard Uncle Bear talking," he said with a frown. "They think he told her something." Santana looked at him carefully. "Something that scared her."
"Well that narrows it down," Santana spat. "Rachel is scared of everything. Remember when Mom went on that weird juice fast when Rachel was seven? Every time Mom used that juice machine Rachel screamed and sobbed and ran around the house?"
"How could I, not?" Noah asked. "You and I would just turn on the juicer for entertainment... Then we both had to write an essay called 'Juicers Are Not Scare Machines.'" He chuckled. "What would scare her into not telling on us?" He frowned at his own question.
"She didn't tell us about dodgeball," Santana thought out loud. "She was scared of hurting us."
The doorbell rang causing both of them to jump. Santana stood up to get it and Noah followed her. As they passed the living room, they made eye contact with Michael who was standing from the side of the bed where Rachel was still laying. Santana watched her stoic grandfather look at his watch. Santana frowned. What time was it? Why was someone at their door? She shrugged maybe it was the pizza man.
She opened the door.
She frowned. It was the flower man. It was dark out. There were flower deliveries this late in the evening?
"Uh..." Santana started. "Can I help you?" she finally asked.
"Flowers for a Miss Rachel Corcoran."
Santana looked at her brother and grandfather with a deep set frown. She looked over her shoulder and saw Rachel watching them with big eyes.
"Who sent them?" Michael asked taking a step forward, purposefully blocking Rachel's view.
The young man filed through his papers as he tried to balance the vase with the bouquet in the other hand. "Doesn't say," he mumbled after a few turns.
"It must," Santana said reaching for the card. "Someone wrote a message."
Michael reached out to protest, but Santana was opening the card already from its little envelope. He stared down at the words. He took a deep breath. "Noah," Michael said carefully. "Go get your uncle please. He's in the study."
Noah nodded and and left.
Santana stared at the small card. She saw what was written and her blood reached boiling point. This was beyond manipulation. The flower delivery boy looked as Santana fearfully as she slowly looked at him. She grabbed his collar, forcing him to drop the flowers.
"Who the fuck sent this, you crazy freako?" she screamed.
"I don't, I don't know," he stammered.
"Santana! Santana!" She could hear her aunt and uncle rushing into the room. She could feel her grandfather trying to hold her back. She couldn't focus on any of that though. All she could was focus.
"Feel better, my good girl."
That was all it said. Those five words were causing Santana to fly off the edge. She felt arms pry her from the boy. She didn't need him to tell her. Her eyes darted as she talked. No, she realized. She didn't need him at all. She turned on her toes and walk-ran into the living room where Rachel was sitting up watching.
"Who the hell sent you this," she snapped, holding the card up.
The eleven year old looked at her with big eyes and a deep set frown. She read the card carefully.
"I-I-I-don't know," she muttered.
"You need to talk, Rachel! Now!" Santana said leaning back combing her hand through her hair. "Tell the truth!" She shook her head, not feeling her stinging eyes. "How can you not see that we love you? How can you not see that we need you to tell us what happened?" Rachel looked up at her with a look she couldn't read.
"Santana, stop," she heard her aunt behind her.
"No!" Santana hissed. "Rachel, you have to tell us what happened! We can't help you if-"
"I can't," Rachel said tearfully. She shook her head. "Please."
"No! No! No, Rachel!" she yelled.
"Santana, that's enough," Shelby said entering the room and stepping next to Santana.
"Rachel, he's hurting you and you won't listen to us," the older girl went on despite her mother's protests. She could feel arms around her torso trying to pull her out of the room. "You're making things worse, Rachel by not talking! You need to talk! You need to tell us what happened!"
Santana watched her sister carefully, but suddenly stopped struggling in her mother's arms. The room seemed to go still Rachel looked up at her slowly with an angry, wounded and tearful look.
"What?... Like you've always done?" she hissed as the tears began to drop to the floor.
The elder brunette deflated. She shook her head slightly and ripped herself from her mother's arms. She didn't hear her mother calling her. She just needed to get out of there. It was too much.
Shelby looked after Santana. Joey starts to go after her. "Let her be for a moment," she said.
The mother picked up the card from the ground and read it over. She felt her stomach plummet.
"Feel better, my good girl."
She had been right about what Dr. Parish had said. She looked up slowly at her uncle. "You need to catch him, now!" she scolded.
"Shelby, stop," Helen said gently. "Not here."
Shelby followed her mother's gaze and Rachel was curled up in the fetal position crying softly. She walked over to her and reached out. "Honey, you're okay. I'm not mad," she whispered
Rachel shook her head furiously. "Leavemealone," she sobbed.
"Rachel," Shelby said slightly taken aback.
"Leave me alone," she said in a stronger voice.
"Okay," she whispered. "I love you."
Rachel curled up in the bed. Shelby watched as Noah tried to comfort her as he lay down next to her. Rachel pulled tired body away, but didn't say anything.
"Noah, we'll be right back."
He nodded understanding his responsibility.
Shelby closed the study door as soon as everyone was in there.
"Call Elyse now and get her over here for tomorrow," Joey spat as soon as the door was closed. "I don't care that it's almost eight." She shook her head. "I heard Quinn before and now this."
"I know. I know," she whispered.
"Gus and the teams are on their way," Bear said entering the room. "Your mother is sitting with the flower boy. We're going to question him."
Shelby nodded. The family watched her carefully. "He's sending her notes at my house... At her house..." She shook her head. "How would she not be scared?"
…..
Noah looked at the back of Rachel's head. She was shaking. She was scared. He looked over his shoulder and could see her grandmother and the flower delivery body sitting in the kitchen. He didn't know what to say to her. He didn't know how to make her feel better. Nevertheless, he began talking.
"You were asleep before," he began. "But Jackie left. Quinn's still upstairs."
He saw Rachel's body stiffen. He continued.
"I'm going to move the bed down for her with Bear soon," he shrugged. Rachel turned and looked at him with tearful eyes.
"What?" she asked.
He nodded casually wiping her tears with his thumb. "Yeah, you guys have the life down here. TV, kitchen right over there." He gave her a small smile. "Things will get better, Rach." He sighed seeing her turn away. "We might help Quinn paint her room soon," he said going back to casual. He watched as Rachel turned again and looked at him. "Want to help paint?"
Rachel frowned. "She's staying?"
"Of course," he said. "Why would she-" He frowned. "Is that why you haven't said anything? You think Quinn would be taken away?" He searched her eyes. "You think all of us would," he answered for her. He shook his head. "Rachel, that won't happen."
She turned away from her.
"You don't know that," she muttered. She wiped her tears and looked back at him. "Can I go see Santana?"
...
Santana lay quietly in her bed staring at the wall. She felt terrible about everything. She had checked on Quinn on her way to her own room. Her sister was still asleep. She only knew this because her brow was relaxed and the Quinn she knew didn't relax.
A small knock interrupted her thoughts. She turned and looked at the door as it opened slightly and Rachel was standing there with her hand resting on the doorknob.
"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully.
"Me too," Santana replied sitting up. "Come here."
Rachel came into the room quietly. She walked gingerly and it took every fiber in Santana's body not to pick Rachel up and bring her to bed. However, she knew the girl had to walk alone. Nevertheless, when Rachel was in arm's reach, Santana helped her onto her large bed. The older girl took her hands carefully and said, "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
"I'm sorry I yelled at you," she whispered.
Santana gave a small chuckle. "Bug, I'm just worried about you. You're right I didn't tell you the truth." She chewed her lip and traced her hand on the back of Rachel's. "And it hurt me so much to lie to you...I thought about it a lot."
"I … I want to tell you..." Rachel whispered. She watched her sister trace her hand. "But I can't."
Santana frowned and looked up in thought. She noticed her mother and uncle standing outside the door that Rachel left open.
"Why not?" Santana asked.
Rachel frowned. Santana could see her chin quivering. "I'll ruin everything if I do."
"Rach," Santana said with a slight coo in her voice. "You won't ruin anything."
"We'll be split up," she whispered. "It'll be my fault."
Santana's head shot up and made eye contact with her mother and uncle. Her uncle was shaking his head. They were all thinking the same thing. Why hadn't they thought of that?
"Rachel, that won't happen. Who told you that?"
"Mr. Schuester," Rachel whispered. "At the football game... He told me nothing bad could happen or else we would be sent away."
"The football game?"
Rachel nodded. "Yeah," she whispered. She wiped her tears and continued quietly, in a simple, matter-of-fact tone. "I had Charlie with me. I needed to wash my hands... And he took me inside to a special bathroom that allowed dogs and he looked at my back and said that was why Mom got so mad."
Santana frowned and looked at her mother. Rachel looked up and saw her mother and uncle. Her tear filled eyes finally overflowed. "I'm sorry."
"You're not in trouble, Rach," Shelby said sitting next to her. I'm proud of you for talking to Santana." She sighed and looked at her brother-in-law. "But you should have told me about this. What he told you isn't true." Rachel frowned and looked at her. She looked down at her hands and leaned into her mother unsure of what to think. "Rachel, you said that he touched your back," Shelby began carefully. "Can you tell me about that?"
Rachel breathed a small sigh of relief. She was sure that her mother was going to ask her about something else. "Yeah," she muttered. She gave a small shrug as she frowned at the memory. "He lifted up my shirt and my undershirt and he looked at my back." She looked up at her mother. "Remember? I had bruises because of the dodge ball thing."
"What?" Santana asked sharply. "He put his hand up your shirt?"
Rachel frowned and looked up at her older sister. "Yeah," she said quietly, clearly confused. "He was just checking..." She paused and watched her family wear the same deep frown. "... To see if... Mom was over reacting..." She frowned as she slowed down. Everyone was quiet. She wasn't sure if they were angry … or … mad. Was that the same thing?
No one said anything for a moment. Finally, Shelby broke the silence.
"Rach, he shouldn't have done any of that. He should not have brought you inside without my permission and he shouldn't have touched you, especially on your bareback." She searched her youngest daughter's eyes. "Do you understand that you shouldn't have gone with him and that you should have told me that he did that?"
Rachel looked at her mother and sister but didn't answer.
Shelby took a deep breath. "Rachel, did he ever touch you any other way?"
There it was. There was the question she had been dreading, little did she know everyone else had been dreading it.
"No," she whispered. She shook her head frantically. "No."
"Come here, sweetie," Shelby said. She took her small hands. "You're not going to be taken away. No one is leaving this family." She searched Rachel's eyes. "We can even have Jackie come and talk to you. It's not going to happen, bug. You're safe with us."
Shelby took a deep breath. "Why don't you tell me about the dress?" she asked trying now not to tremble. "You're not in trouble and I love you. I won't let anyone take you or Noah, or Quinn or San. I promise you that."
Rachel was searching her eyes. She was getting to her. "Okay," the girl whispered. "But... But..." she looked over at her uncle. "Just you and Sanny."
Shelby nodded and Bear left the room keeping it the door slightly ajar.
"Rachel, what happened?"
Rachel leaned into her mother's chest and tilted her head to the side so that she could see Santana.
"He told me I needed to be good..." Rachel began with a whisper. She frowned as the memories began to rush into her head. Her voice was absent as tears formed in her eyes and she went on.. "He sat on top of me...He made me do things... and after he put that white sticky stuff all over me."
"Oh my god," Santana said with a gag as she ran to the bathroom.
Rachel watched her leave and began to cry. "I tried, Mommy. I tried to be good."
Again, I'm sorry this chapter is so short. I'll try to get back to the regular length next time.