Optimus forgot about them and concentrated on Alias. Wheeljack hadn't even been gone half a minute when her body tensed and she flinched, and he knew they'd started the procedure in the other room. That, and that her hopes that she wouldn't feel anything hadn't panned out. "Do you want me to talk to you?" he murmured, wanting to remind her that he was the one holding her, not the Decepticons, but remembering that she'd said hearing voices from behind her was a trigger for her now.

But Alias nodded almost frantically and Optimus spoke in the most soothing tone he could manage, Cade's admonition foremost in his mind. "What you told me just now–you're right. It has all been worth it. These last few days have shown me what a fool I was to ever send you away. Having you back is amazing enough, but being with you as Alias is the best thing that has ever happened to me."

Alias squeezed his hands and Optimus understood her agreement. He wasn't finished, though. "But as wonderful as this has been, I told you I'm greedy. I want more than these few days so I'm not giving up. I know that you told me the link can't totally take you out of your human body, but there has to be some way to fully move you into Alias. There has to be. And I'm not giving up until we find it."

Alias suddenly arched and shuddered with pain in his arms, shaking her head hard, but Optimus knew it wasn't in negation of what he'd said. Even silenced as she was, he still sensed her screams. Not being able to spare her this suffering was almost unbearable. "I'm here. I'm here, Anna. We'll get through this–all of it. I just got you back. I'm not losing you again," he murmured, tightening his arms as her struggles increased. "I'm here. Focus on me. Stay with me."

She yanked her hands free of his and tried to push his arms away. He grasped her wrists instead, fighting to hold her, and remembering what Cade had told him, Optimus thought of the decision he'd made just before her first flight. He'd been thinking about it ever since Ironhide had read him the riot act–no, if he was honest he'd been thinking about it for years–and all of the reasons that had held him back seemed utterly unimportant now.

"Anna, listen to me," Optimus said fiercely. She was shaking her head frantically now and he had to pull his own head back to avoid being struck, but he didn't stop talking. "You are my conjunx endura. Do you understand what that means? It means that there is nothing in this universe I won't do for you and no sacrifice I won't make to keep you. You promised me this morning that you would never leave me and I'm holding you to it. I'm not letting you go–I don't care what it takes. I'm never letting you go."

Her struggles didn't slow and he wasn't sure she was listening but he kept talking, praying that she could understand what he was saying. Her heels scraped long gashes in the metal floor. "This isn't the end. I refuse to accept it. We haven't had enough time, Anna. There's so much we haven't done yet, so much I want to show you. You are my conjunx endura and I owe it to you to show you what that means," Optimus told her, his voice low and determined. Alias was still fighting hard, though, and she kicked out in an attempt to break free, but the way she'd positioned his legs around her didn't allow it.

The instant it became clear that she couldn't get away, her struggles became absolutely frenzied. Optimus recognized the panic. "No, stay with me, Anna. You don't have to escape from me. Remember who's holding you. Remember where you are. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you're safe. You're safe with me." She writhed in his grasp and threw herself to the side. Rather than stopping her, he went with her and turned so he took the impact and caught her atop him. "Anna–Alias–you're not there anymore. You're with me. I know it hurts and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but it's going to be all right. I'll make it all right. As Primus is my witness, I will make this all right again, and you know I don't make promises I can't keep."

Alias went rigid in his arms for the barest of instants. Then she grabbed his forearm tight, and it wasn't to push him away. Optimus turned his other hand and interlaced their fingers again, knowing that she was with him again now. "That's good. Just a little bit longer. That's right. Hold onto me," he praised, and even when another wave of agony hit her and she gripped his arm so hard that the metal plating of his forearm groaned and bent, he didn't pull away. "Stay with me," he whispered, ignoring the pain of his arm as she dug her fingers in. "I've got you. You're safe. Stay with me."

Suddenly she went absolutely limp. Optimus spun her in his arms, spark freezing with terror that she'd lost the battle to stay conscious, but she immediately wrapped her arms around him and tucked her head under his chin. And even though she was still shaking from head to toe with silent sobs, Optimus understood what it meant and felt absolutely light-headed with relief. The door opened and Wheeljack hurried back in. "They're finished? Did it work?" Optimus asked, sparing the others a glance for the first time since this had started.

"They're done," Ratchet confirmed, but he wasn't looking at his handheld. He was staring at Optimus with an absolutely stunned expression. "Prime, you… you said…"

"I know exactly what I said," Optimus interrupted as Wheeljack grabbed Ironhide and the two of them had a quick, hushed conversation. He wasn't interested in justifying his decision to claim her as his conjunx endura. There was only one thing he cared about right now. "Did it work?"

Ratchet just stared, still wide-eyed. The engineer was the one who actually answered, and if the medic had sounded shocked and borderline-disapproving, Wheeljack sounded just the opposite. "It did," he said, and although he didn't have a mouth, Optimus could hear the smile in his voice. "Her intracranial pressure is dropping even as we speak. And congratulations."

"Yeah, it's about damn time you said it, Optimus. Alias, my condolences, you're stuck with him now," Ironhide said, smiling his own approval, but he was already walking quickly to the door. "I'm going over. See you both in a little bit."

Optimus nodded to acknowledge that, but his attention was still focused on Alias and he didn't watch Ironhide leave. "Did you hear that?" he murmured to her. "It worked. It's over. You made it."

She nodded but didn't lift her head. He didn't press her, just lowered his legs and caressed her back in long, slow, soothing strokes, holding her only lightly now. "If you want to move, you can," he told her softly, but she just shook her head and stayed right where she was. He didn't mind at all. She took one of his hands and put it on the back of her head, pressing down hard. Optimus routed coolant to his fingers, chilling the spot in hopes that it would help ease the pain at least a little. She held his hand there as though it did.

Ratchet belatedly remembered himself and came over to kneel down beside them. "I'm going to check you over, Alias," he said, not touching her yet. "You don't have move or do anything. Are you ready?" Only after she nodded did he take out his scanner and first ran it around her head, then slid it down her spine. Then he looked at his handheld and nodded at the readout. "Good, good. You came through it fine, no damage on this end."

"Thank you, Ratchet," Optimus said, pushing the scanner away. Even with the warning, she had gone nearly rigid when the medic had touched her back.

Ratchet nodded and stepped back, understanding. "I'm going next door to check on things over there," he told her gently. "You stay here with Optimus and don't worry about anything. Take all the time you need. There's nothing at all you need to do right now."

"Do you want Wheeljack to reconnect your voice before they leave?" Optimus murmured as her trembling finally started to subside.

Alias thought about that for what seemed like a long time, but finally she nodded. Optimus sat up, bringing her with him. Wheeljack brought his tools over and knelt down beside them, and Optimus noticed that even though she kept her face hidden against his shoulder, Wheeljack made sure that he stayed in her line of vision. Her huddled position and the way she still held his chilled hand to the back of her head made his job a little difficult, but the engineer was nothing if not adaptable, and it took him less than a minute to finish. She gave a single, almost inaudible whimper when her vocals were back online but immediately choked it off and pressed harder against Optimus as though embarrassed that even that small sound had escaped.

Wheeljack met Prime's gaze over her head. The sympathy in the engineer's gaze was clear. "Do you want me to reconnect your cog, too?" Wheeljack asked her, his tone very gentle, but when Alias didn't respond in any way, Optimus shook his head.

"Later," he said. Even though Wheeljack was doing everything right, the sooner Optimus could get everyone away from her, the better. She was still so tense in his arms that he feared that the slightest thing could trigger another panic, and the way she'd muffled that tiny sound just hurt his spark. He wanted all of them to leave as fast as possible so she didn't have to repress anything else. Now that she'd finally started letting him comfort her in her moments of weakness rather than trying to hide them from him, he wanted her to feel free to be as weak as she needed to be right now.

Wheeljack nodded. He started to stand up, but then he paused. "Alias, you are the one of the bravest people I've ever known, human or Autobot. It's an honor to call you my friend," he told her softly, briefly putting his hand on her shoulder and squeezing. Then he looked at Optimus again. "I'm going back with Ratchet and I'll keep everyone out of here for as long as I can. It's not a proper seclusion, but at least it'll be something."

"Thank you, Wheeljack," Optimus said, and the engineer inclined his head before standing up.

"Come on, Ratchet," Wheeljack said, taking the medic's arm and steering him out the door. "Optimus has this covered. Let's give them a minute and go next door so I can fill you in on what's going on, what do you say?"

When the door closed behind them, Optimus closed his eyes and rested his cheek atop her head. "He's right, you know," he said after a few moments when he felt her body relax a tiny bit as she realized they were finally alone. "You are incredible."

"Optimus, why did you do that?" she whispered. "Why now?"

Optimus knew exactly what she was talking about. "Because I love you," he replied. "Because it's been true for years and I should've said it a long time ago. Because everyone already knows what you are to me and because there is no reason good enough not to make it official."

She finally lifted her head. "Optimus, I am dying in the other room! Isn't that reason enough?"

"Do you think it would hurt any less to lose you if I hadn't said it?" he returned, and caressed the back of her head so carefully. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "I have enough regrets in my life, Anna. I refuse to allow missing my chance to claim you as my conjunx endura to become another one."

She was silent for a long time. "You're the most important person in my life too, you know," Alias finally said, leaning forward so that her forehead rested against his. "So I guess that means you're my conjunx endura, too."

Optimus smiled in wonder as she claimed him right back. He was a little surprised that he could feel this much joy in the middle of such a horrific situation. "I wasn't sure you'd even know what the term meant," he murmured.

"I might've looked it up a while ago," she replied, and he was relieved to see an answering smile on her face–even if it was small, it was there. "I looked up a lot of things when I first realized that I loved you. But you know, when I was a little girl and dreamed about getting married, this particular scenario somehow never crossed my mind."

"It does lack romance, doesn't it," Optimus mused. Romance was something he'd never quite gotten the hang of, but then he remembered the way she'd looked at him when he'd told her that he thought she was far beyond beautiful just a little while ago. For her, and especially for this, he could certainly make an effort to put that look on her face again. He took her hand and held it over his spark, thinking of everything he knew about human weddings. Then he pulled back and met her gaze. "Anna Elias, also called Alias, I take you before Primus and all the Autobots as my wife and sparkmate, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until the stars go out," he vowed solemnly. "Isn't that how it goes?"

"Close enough," she whispered, gazing up at him with eyes full of wonder and love, and oh, there was that look again. It was impossible to describe what it did to him, how it made his spark tremble. "And I take you, Optimus Prime, to be my husband and sparkmate, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, from this day forward, until death do us part."

"Not death," Optimus corrected gently. "Death will not part us. I won't allow it."

Alias lost her smile completely at that. "You have a lot of power but that one might be beyond even you, big guy." Then she squeezed his hand. "And I'm surprised you know human wedding vows."

"I might have looked it up," he replied softly. "A long time ago. I should've done this years ago. I wasted so much time. I can never tell you how sorry I am for that."

She rested her head on his shoulder again. "The time I have left is measured in hours, Optimus. I refuse to spend any of it regretting the past."

"You don't know that."

She sighed. "This stroke is going to kill me. It's a fact," she said when he tried to protest again. "I'm not going to waste any time on false hope, either. What we just did bought me a day, maybe a day and a half, but that's all. The link will hold as long as I can stay awake, but after that… even if I live, my mind will be gone. I'll be gone. This…" She waved a hand, indicating her Autobot body. "This is all I have left."

He winced. "I refuse to accept that," he said again, holding her tighter. When she started to speak again, he covered her lips with his fingers and didn't let her. "This isn't false hope, Anna, it's just hope. If your human body can no longer sustain all that makes you you, there must be some way to make your link into Alias permanent. There has to be!" She closed her eyes tightly and he let his hand fall away. "I cannot lose you," he said, voice raw. "I cannot lose you like this. Not now. Not when we've come so far."

"If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them." She looked up, finally letting him see the depth of her fear. Voice choked with tears her Autobot body couldn't shed, she clutched him tight and whispered, "I'm scared out of my mind, Optimus. I'll try anything at this point. I don't want to lose you either."

He pressed his cheek to hers and hoped she couldn't feel him shaking. "I won't let you. We'll come up with something. We'll figure this out, I swear it," he vowed, and then the door opened and Ratchet came back in. Optimus glared at him. "You know, most new sparkmates take at least a week of seclusion to reinforce their bond. You couldn't give us ten minutes?"

"I gave you ten and a half. Under the circumstances, that's generous. Don't complain," Ratchet replied, kneeling down beside them. He waved the scanner over her again, not touching her this time. "How are you feeling now, Alias?"

She laughed completely without humor. "Shaky, terrified, wired like hell from whatever you gave me, and my head feels like someone just drilled a hole in it," she replied dryly. "Don't expect me to say that I'm okay."

"No one expects you to say that," Ratchet said gently. "I have an update for you, if you want to hear it."

"Yes, of course," she said, sitting a little straighter and finally lowering Prime's hand from the back of her head but not moving out of his embrace.

"The procedure was a success. Your intracranial pressure has dropped significantly and the risk of brain stem herniation is now low. The doctors are pleased with that," Ratchet said, but his face remained so serious that Optimus knew there was bad news to follow. "Your vitals are still a problem, though, and I'm sure it's at least partially because of what they just did. We're having trouble stopping them from giving you pain medication, but so far Lennox and Epps have been able to convince them that you have an allergy to all forms of narcotics. They've obviously figured out the link between you and their human patient, but with your upper body concealed by the link machine, they haven't yet identified you as the missing Dr. Elias."

"That's good, at least," she said, although Optimus couldn't care less about secrecy right now. He would shout her name from the rooftops if it helped them save her.

"Physically, they say you're in critical and unstable condition," Ratchet went on. "They are still attempting to get your blood pressure down, but most of all, they really want to move you out of the link machine. It's gotten worse since we brought you over here–they found the healing injuries from your time with the Decepticons and they're very suspicious. Making them do the trepanning without anesthesia didn't help, either. If it hadn't been such a dire emergency, I don't think they'd have done it at all. They're pushing very hard to take you away from us for independent treatment, enough that we've had to take some measures to prevent it." He shifted his gaze to Optimus. "I know we needed them, Prime, but now that they've done this and told me what I need to do, I strongly recommend that we send them out of here as quickly as possible. We can't take the risk of one of them moving her."

"But then who will oversee her care?" Optimus asked, frowning.

Ratchet hesitated, seeming a bit confused by the question. "Optimus," he said, "there isn't going to be much to oversee. They've placed a drain that will keep the blood from building up again, and they've given her some medications to bring down her blood pressure and fight the swelling in her brain, but apart from treating any other seizures as they arise, there isn't anything else to be done. I can monitor her vitals and administer any maintenance doses as needed until… well, until it can't be maintained any longer."

Optimus abruptly stood and paced across the lab. Much as he wanted to hold Alias, he had to move right now. He felt trapped, suffocated, overwhelmed by everyone repeatedly telling him that she was going to die, and no matter how many times he heard it, he refused to accept it. "You'll have figured out how to make the link permanent by the time we reach that point," he said, his tone making it an order, not a question.

Ratchet looked helplessly between Prime and Alias. She got to her feet too and nodded at the medical officer. "I understand what you're saying, Ratchet. Send them out as soon as they've stabilized me as much as they can. I'm not taking a chance on one of them getting overzealous and disrupting the link. I don't want to lose a second of the time I have left," she said, and Optimus spun around and slammed both fists into the wall.

"It doesn't end this way!" he shouted, fear and rage making him shake. Fists still clenched, he turned and stalked back toward Ratchet, who backed away at his vehemence. "You've worked on this project for four years! You can't tell me that in all that time, you haven't thought up something to try, some kind of way to lock her into Alias! I know that was always the goal–you can't tell me there's nothing that can be done. You can't give up–I order you not to give up!"

Ratchet started to answer but Alias beat him to it. "Don't shoot the messenger, Optimus," she said firmly, stepping in front of the medic. "None of this is his fault."

Optimus stepped back, trying to get hold of his runaway emotions. She was right. Alias walked over and leaned against him, and Optimus immediately gathered her close. His sparkmate… it was incredible, unreal, and in all the times he'd imagined actually claiming her as his own, he'd never thought the joy of finally having what he'd always wanted would come with the terror of immediately losing it.

He held her for a moment before finally meeting Ratchet's eyes again. The medical officer hated losing patients, always had, and would work himself into near-collapse in his desperation to save every single Autobot who came to him. Every patient he couldn't save haunted him. Accusing him of giving up without even trying was out of line. "Forgive me, Ratchet," he said hollowly, the words like stones. "I know you're doing all you can."

"I completely understand," Ratchet replied more gently than Optimus thought he deserved. "No one expects you–either one of you–to just sit back and calmly accept this. And I promise you, we aren't giving up, none of us. Perceptor and Skyfire are reviewing everything we've learned during all the links and cross-referencing everything we know about human and Cybertronian brains right now, and Wheeljack just joined them because he knows more about how Alias works than the rest of us put together. I'm going to give them every instant of my time when I'm not treating Anna, and Alias, if you can, we want your input, too. We're entertaining every suggestion. All of us are as determined to come up with a solution as you are, Optimus, I swear it."

"Bridge personnel in from Australia if you think it will help," Optimus said, not giving half a damn about the Energon shortage right now. "Grapple, First Aid, anyone you need. We'll figure out the Energon rationing later. Do whatever it takes."

Alias spoke without pulling away from him as Ratchet nodded. "Speaking of Energon, is there any word from Cade?"

Ratchet spread his hands. "I honestly don't know. I've been a little busy with other things, as I'm sure you know, and it hasn't really been that long. But I can ask Prowl for you–he and Inferno are monitoring the command center."

Optimus looked down at her, brows drawing together. "Forget the Energon project. I would rather you spend your time working with the science team on the link right now."

"I know. And I promise you, I will. But I need to give this information to Perceptor while I can, just in case. I know you don't want to think about it," she said when Optimus started to protest again, "but the truth of the matter is that Anna Elias is going to die. Whether my mind can stay on within Alias remains to be seen, and if I can't stay with you, I want to at least give you this. I need to know that I've left you better off than I found you."

Optimus wanted to argue. He really, truly wanted to shout out another denial, but looking into her eyes, he couldn't. She was clinging to the promise of that computer and the information it held, and knowing that Cade was bringing it clearly comforted her. He couldn't deny her any comfort or peace, not now. "Then do what you need to do. Just don't let it interfere with finding a way to save you," he finally said, and Alias nodded.

She smiled a little but her eyes were still very scared. "Believe me, Optimus, that's my first priority, too. I'm in a lifeboat right now. I'm not going to pass up any chance that could get me safely to shore."

.

If anyone needs something lighthearted in the midst of all this ANGST, you seriously need to check out a short little ficlet by FluffyHippoFish called Just A Friendly Hug. Here's the description: A little... something... inspired by Slim Reaper's story Alias. It involves Ratchet. And hugs. And, well, they don't really mix. And if that doesn't make you want to read it, well, I just don't know what the hell's wrong with you, honestly.

Don't forget to leave reviews! MWAH!