Authors Note- A little surprise in here for you guys. I'm so sorry this was late, but the holiday weekend kept me super busy!

Disclaimer- S. Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter Song- Words I Couldn't Say by: Rascal Flatts

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EPOV

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Shutting the door behind me ultimately severed my connection to Bella, and even though I felt like a fucking asshole for doing that to her; I had to walk away before I would say something else I didn't mean. Then again she was already planning on leaving, so nothing could get worse at that point.

I sat down at the end of my bed, rubbing my hands roughly over my face before sighing and looking around my room. My eyes caught the picture frame she'd given me for my birthday last year. It was filled with small pictures of us together, making me remember times where things were just so fucking easy with us. Just being near each other was enough.

I'd never realized how growing up can change relationships, and Bella and I's relationship was completely different now that it had been a year ago, in a very serious way. I couldn't imagine a day without her in it, without at least talking to her or just calling to say goodnight after a long day of classes.

And of course I had to yet again fuck up something that was good for me.

I never knew why I didn't sit down and tell Bella everything about my past. At one point, it seemed like it was too soon to tell her when we had been together in the summer. We'd only had been together for just a few months, and then it seemed like all too soon I was off to college and we were barely hanging on by a string. It wasn't exactly a conversation to have with a girlfriend that was hundreds of miles away.

Especially one who already had a difficult home situation and was emotionally fragile at the time.

When I'd finally gotten her back it seemed like it was too late, and it was a good opportunity to move on with our lives and progress in our relationship. Nobody ever talked about the shit I pulled back in Chicago, it wasn't the topic of conversation when we moved here. New town, new life and a clean slate to go along with it. That's what everybody wanted; to leave behind everything bad in our lives. I knew that was one of the reasons we moved here.

It wasn't just because of a good job offer, like we told everybody else. I'd made my fair share of mistakes that had caused family turmoil, and completely tore apart my parents. Not only did they have to go through a divorce, but had to deal with a fucked up son that did everything to make their lives a living hell just to punish them. I ignored their warnings, and said fuck it to the ways they tried to make it better.

I was a kid. I thought that I knew everything, and of course I thought Riley and Xavier were my best friends at the time. They hadn't been at all, but I didn't see it. I couldn't blame them for the awful things I did though. The way I talked to my parents and completely disrespected and laughed off every word that they would say. Well, that was on me; my choices and mistakes.

My 'friends' encouraged my behavior; thinking that I was so fucking brave for talking to them like that. At one point I almost thought it was cool to degrade them and talk down to them. I didn't care if it hurt them, because all I cared about was myself. I stood up for myself and my friends, the ones who I should have gone against. By the time I realized that they were the ones I needed to get away from and stand up to; it was too late.

At that point I was already being hauled into rehab by my parents, surrounded by people who were even more fucked up than me. As if the thought of being there was bad enough, the people in there scared the shit out of me, too.

I'd sit in a chair during group therapy, surrounded by kids who had dropped acid, did meth and drank themselves into a hospital to get their stomach pumped. I also couldn't forget the kids who did the pills, the most fucked up ones of them all in my own opinion. Yeah, they were all fucked up, but there was nothing like looking into the eyes of someone who was addicted to morphine or oxycodone.

At night all you could hear alarms going off from people trying to steal medicine that other patients actually needed. I remembered the shuffle of footsteps down the hall as they took down a patient and took them to a different wing to be bound and locked into a room. I could remember the fucking blood-curdling screams that would come from the other patients; listening to their yells of how there were spiders and bugs crawling all over them that wouldn't get off no matter what they did.

I was glad not to have those types of withdrawal symptoms.

My mom only visited me once in the three and a half months I was there. Carlisle would visit me every week, but my dad would be there every other day to talk to me. We'd sit for two hours each of those days and he would talk to me, take the time to sit and explain to me why they divorced. He'd tell me that he was sorry for not making time for me, and I'd finally say the words that were truthful that he'd always want to hear from me. The words that he deserved to hear...

It's not your fault. It's mine that I'm in here.

He told me the things that I needed to know, because my mom had never talked to me about it. They were divorced, that was it. She never would talk about it to me, or why it ever happened. And I'd never gotten the time to talk with my dad because he lived further away.

He was too busy.

And that was why my mother enjoyed babying me to this day.

Because of the guilt.

I'd never sat down to talk to her to tell her it was never her fault.

Because she never sat down and told me that the divorce wasn't my fault.

Maybe that was wrong of me. It wasn't up to me to punish her for doing something wrong. I never realized at that time that parents could make mistakes, too.

But she'd never sat down to talk to me after the divorce, because only five months later Carlisle had come along, with Alice and Emmett at his side with suitcases ready to move right in. Like the divorce never happened. That was when I really started to rebel against my mom. I'd felt like after my father left I had to be the man of the house; try to take care of things. But that didn't hold up well. Carlisle came in and took that right away.

I grew up in a house where my parents were completely in love with each other, and they loved me just as much. When I went to bed they both tucked me in. My dad was the kind of father who sat outside and tossed a ball around with me after work, and my mom was the one who baked and made a warm homemade dinner before he arrived while I helped or did my homework at the table to keep her company. She'd greet him at the door with the brightest smile and a kiss that showed that even though he'd been gone for just a few hours; she'd missed him.

We were the family that watched a movie together on the couch almost every night, and we'd go out for ice-cream every single Friday no matter what happened. They'd help out with school events, and stay up late with me when I had to do projects. My mom would pack my dad's lunch and my lunch on the counter, next to each other. I had a backpack on my back on the way out, and he had a briefcase in his hand after kissing my mom goodbye.

Every day she picked me up from school because she didn't want me to take the bus, and even grocery shopping was a family event. Every single Saturday. On Sunday and Saturday my dad would make either his famous pancakes, French toast or bacon, eggs and toast with homemade biscuits and fresh jelly. The three of us basically did everything together, we were so close. My parents were so in love with each other that people found it sickening at times.

I wanted a relationship exactly like theirs when I was little. I wanted a wife to kiss me when I arrived home, and my little son or daughter to play with and spoil. All of those dreams had been shattered when they said they were separating. I looked up to them, dreamt of having that kind of relationship and to see it disappear like it did broke me.

Those were the hardest things to get through. I realized there would be no more of those movie nights, or helping my mom make my dad's favorite dinner in the kitchen. And even though they sounded like the most trivial things, they made us a family. When I looked at my mother now, it wasn't the same mom that I grew up with. With Carlisle she tries so much harder to look nice for him...The fucking skirts and blouses and heels...The lifestyle...it changed her.

I missed the mom that walked around in sweatpants and a t-shirt, not even caring that she didn't have time for makeup, ironing her shirts or properly shining her shoes and curling her hair. She didn't need the newest fashion, or the thousands of dollars worth of diamonds on her ears and neck.

My dad always told her that she was beautiful the way that she was, and he did his best to support us and give her everything she would ever need. And it was enough; atleast I'd thought it was. We didn't live in a mansion with three floors that were decked out with more shit that anybody would ever need. There didn't have to be 'wings' of a house. No. We had an upstairs, a downstairs, and a scary dark basement. Not one with a wet bar and an entirely furnished movie theater room and a play room with pool tables and other fancy machine.

It's nice to have those things, but to me it doesn't make you appreciate life and what you have. What's there to appreciate if you have everything you could possible want? The newest fashion, newest appliance?

When I think about my future, I don't want that kind of life with Bella. When I buy her something special; I want to see that glimmer in her eyes like she is so grateful to get it; so honored to be able to own it. It was how my mother was on a holiday or birthday when my father had gotten her something special.

But now my mother almost acts like she is entitled to have it no matter what day of the year. And it was never my business what she does with her or Carlisle's money, but it was true that those kinds of riches changed a person.

My parents had changed after the divorce, most evidently my mother. As if she didn't change enough from the divorce, but once she met Carlisle. My father was almost the same to me, which was why I'd so desperately wanted to stay with him when we'd planned to move here. He was familiar; he hadn't changed himself for anybody. He was him and that's all that mattered. Of course, he wasn't perfect, but he didn't try to impress everybody around him with the way he dressed, or the things he owned.

I had taught myself afterwards that change was always a bad thing, because everything that had changed in my life had never been for the better. The only change that ever was significant to me was Bella. She was the only good thing that had changed my life for the better.

I regretted every single word that I'd said to my mother about Bella, but at most times it felt as if my mother never had trust in me and to say in the least; it's fucking frustrating. Of course mentioning visiting my father would make her wary, but the fact that she would insinuate that I would get Bella wrapped up in how I used to act there was a goddamn insult.

After I'd gotten out of rehab I'd immediately run into Riley and Xavier back in school, and I didn't find myself wrapped up in smoking, drinking and doing coke again even after that. I'd made it very clear that I couldn't do it anymore after everything I went through, and my parents went through. They'd paid a lot of fucking money to get me into a good rehabilitation center, the best in Chicago. After all of that I had to work on building their trust back up again.

I came home right after school, I rarely went out and when I did I followed my curfew. The only bad habit I'd picked up over that time was smoking, and I found that it honestly got rid of all the stress from trying so hard not to get back into my old ways.

My parents weren't happy at all about my newest addiction, but it wasn't leading me on the road to complete and utter destruction so they got over it. It was better than walking in the house drunk making enough noise to wake everybody up.

At night I remember walking into the house some times, listening to my mom on the phone talking to my dad and crying because she didn't know what to do with me. He couldn't take me in because he wouldn't have time to keep an eye on me, and he was afraid it would be worse because of that fact. With my mom I had less freedom; but that didn't mean that I actually listened.

It wasn't until things had gotten serious and I got into legal trouble that I realized things needed to change. But they couldn't change the piercings and the people who already influenced me into what I was doing, they also couldn't change a lot of other things; but it took awhile for me to realize that it was up to me to change it. Not only for myself; but for my parents.

I reached into my bedside table, digging underneath all of the random items in there until I felt a familiar box. The velvety fabric was familiar, and I pulled it from the drawer and cradled it in my hands. When it snapped open, I stared at the beautiful ring, touching the delicate diamonds around it.

It was probably ridiculous for someone at the age of nineteen, but almost twenty, holding a fucking engagement ring in their hands. Only looking at it made me feel overwhelmed. I knew that Bella was only eighteen, and marriage was probably the last thing that she wanted from me right now.

But when I saw the ring in the window all I could think about was Bella.

I'd fucked up.

But I'd find a way to make it right after giving her a little bit of time for herself.

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BPOV

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" Don't mope, Bella."

" Not moping." I argued, taking a deep drag of my cigarette.

Jess sat next to me and slipped a beer next to me by my hip. I raised my eyebrow at her, cocking my head to the side.

" Where'd you get this?" I asked with a laugh.

She smiled, " Snuck it. Nobody will notice, don't worry. I called up Ange, and she's having a 'date night' with Ben. You probably don't want to hear about mushy relationship shit anyways right now."

I rolled my eyes at her and put my cigarette between my lips, reaching out to twist the cap on the beer. After downing about half of the contents, I set it down on the step and took another drag of the cigarette.

" You know, I've never smoked before." Jess said.

I looked over at her.

Rarely did you hear Jess say she didn't do anything, because honestly this girl comes up with the craziest shit to do at random times. It's pretty entertaining mostly, especially when it comes to the conversation of boys.

" Don't look at me like that!"

" I'm just surprised! I mean, you were the first one between Angela, you and I to do everything!"

She shrugged, " Yeah, well, I've never smoked, now you know!"

" Don't do it, it's awful." I said with a laugh.

" Then stop!"

" You want to see me without at least three a day? Nu uh, you'll be forcing one on me within an hour of how irritated I am."

The corner of her lip twisted up in a smirk, " I'm just picturing it in my mind."

" What? Me being irritated?" I asked, taking a swig of the beer. It wasn't really that good, but beer was beer, I'd drink it anyways.

" Nah, you and Edward being one of those couples that just has really hot sex and then you lay on each side of the bed with a cigarette all lit up."

I bumped her shoulder, " That is so not us."

" So you guys just cuddle and go to sleep. Like in the movies? Usually I'm up and out of whatever bed putting my clothes back on."

I looked over at her, watching as she looked out into the night with a frustrated look on her face.

" Jess, you just got to challenge a guy. That's what we told you at the beach, you know? Yeah, we all have sexual urges, but you've got to keep it at bay. I mean, if Angela jumped into bed with Ben, and I jumped into bed with Edward, do you think there'd be a chance we'd still have them?"

" Angela, no. You, yes?"

I gave her a look, " Why me?"

" What you and Edward have is like...God, I've talked about with Angela... But something about you guys it's like no matter what happens, you'll always find a way to be together in the end. The way he looks at you and the way you look at him is something that only people see in fucking movies. It's like the Notebook or some shit, but it's the kind of love that everybody wants."

Hearing someone say that out loud to me was kind of shocking. I mean, I sure as hell felt like Edward was my soul mate, and the only one I wanted to be with, but to know that someone could see it and put an explanation to it was interesting. I couldn't explain it.

" That's why I know you guys are going to be perfectly fine after this."

" I just don't know why he didn't tell me. And why he had to say those things to his mother...It doesn't make sense. We've always been honest with each other, or that's what I thought...But...It's just so confusing."

" It'll work out, Bella, don't worry."

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It was before midnight when Jess had passed out. We'd settled in with a few movies to help us fall asleep, but it didn't exactly do the trick for me. There were too many thoughts and my body just didn't want to catch a fucking break. I snuck out of Jess' bed, careful not to rustle the bed to bother her. She was already clinging to the pillow next to her snoring, making me roll my eyes.

Rather it the pillow than me.

I snuck downstairs in my shorts and sweatshirt with my cigarettes in my pocket. I sat out on the back porch where I was hours before and stepped into the grass. The grass scratched against my ankles, and I finally settled on a stone bench by the bonfire pit. I lit up a cigarette and let out a long puff of smoke.

For awhile it was quiet, just the darkness surrounding me and a cricket chirping every few seconds. I heard the sliding glass door open and shut behind me, and I turned around quickly to identify who it was.

Brandon walked out on the grass and took a seat in a chair across from me, his knee close enough to almost touch mine. I wasn't exactly sure why he was out here, I mean, fuck; I didn't really know the guy all that much.

" It's after midnight, what are you doing out here?"

" Is there an issue with me being out here?"

" Nah, just wondering."

I nodded and continued to smoke, feeling a little awkward with him there to watch me.

" So, Jess said you're having boyfriend issues?" he asked with a laugh.

Furrowing my brows, I looked back over at him, " Kind of, why?"

He ran his hand through his light brown hair, " Just asking, figured maybe you'd want to talk about it."

" No offense at all, but why would I talk to you about it?"

" An objective point of view, someone who doesn't have any inside information." he said simply.

With a shrug I put the cigarette out and put the filter back into the box.

" Not really necessary to sit and explain to everybody what's happening. It's not like we're breaking up or anything."

" I never said that."

" I'm just going to head inside." I said swiftly, getting a little bit annoyed and not wanting to really get into conversation about it.

When I got up, he followed right behind me. As I reached the door and entered the house, I was in the kitchen. Taking me completely by surprise, he had completely shifted his position to be in front of me and leaned down to kiss me. The moment his lips pressed against mine I pushed away from him incredulously, the force of my hands on his chest making him stumble backwards.

" What the fuck do you think you're doing? I barely fucking know you!"

He brushed his hand down my arm, " I thought maybe I could fix-"

" Fix something that isn't even broken? Fuck off."

Before he could say anything I made my way upstairs to Jess' room, not knowing whether to be even more annoyed by him or just pissed off. As I shut the door behind me in her room, Jess rolled over in her bed and sat up, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

" Where were you? Everything alright?" she rasped.

" Went to get a cigarette and your brother followed me outside. He was acting all fucking weird so I came inside and he just fucking kissed me downstairs in your kitchen."

Immediately she tossed the covers off of her, " Are you serious? I am so going to-"

I shook my head, " No, just chill out. I just wanted to tell you because...well, fuck, I need to tell someone! Let's just go to bed, alright?"

" Fine, fine...He kissed you right? You didn't come at him lips a blazin' because of everything with Edward?"

" No! He came at me asking if I wanted to talk to him about it and I felt uncomfortable so I just left. He followed straight after me and just kissed me. Seriously, totally unexpected."

She groaned and laid back in her bed, covering up with the blankets, " I told you he had the hots for you, Bella. You didn't listen!"

I rolled my eyes, " Whatever."

" Are you going to tell Edward?" she asked as I laid on my side of the bed.

" Yeah...When I talk to him next. I wouldn't keep that from him."

" You sure? I mean, it was just a kiss. Why make fuss out of it?"

I pulled the blanket up to my waist, " Secrets cause issues; trust me on this."

" I just thi-"

" Can we go to bed?" I asked quietly.

I felt Jess pat my arm, " Yeah, sure thing. Just looking out for you, Bella."

" I know, thanks Jess."

And from them it was silent. I turned onto my side, trying to stay still and not bother Jess; but unable to get comfortable. I wanted Edward's arms around me, holding me closely to his bare chest while my hand traced patterns on his back...

You were the one who left!

I ignored my thoughts and sighed quietly, squeezing my eyes shut in a desperate attempt for sleep.

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At three in the morning I found myself tip-toeing out of Jess' bedroom and heading downstairs to the Stanley's basement. It was fully furnished, and basically set up as a second family room like the Cullen's. They had a massive plush couch down there and I figured maybe it would help me sleep better.

I'd shared a bed with Jess before, but tonight I couldn't seem to fall asleep, and all of my shifting was going to wake her up so I decided to fly solo and go lay in the basement to sleep. I turned the television on and flipped through the movie channels. When I saw Pirates of the Caribbean was on I switched to it, a smile spreading across my face as I pressed my cheek into the plush cushion of the couch. I reached over for a pillow and used it, and tugged the blanket tossed over the couch onto me as I kept my eyes on the television.

I passed out before the movie was over, into a deep but restless sleep.

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" Hey, sleepy. My mom made breakfast; get it while it's hot." I heard Jess say.

I rolled over and groaned; wanting to go back to sleep; but my stomach was telling me a whole other story. Breakfast sounded great right now, especially since I wasn't the one making it.

" Sleep good?"

I shrugged as I sat up, " Kinda."

" Used to being wrapped up in Mr. Sexy's arms, huh?"

Jess laughed as I shoved her shoulder and walked up the stairs to the main floor. Walking into the kitchen I was hit with the smell of bacon and eggs and my stomach growled even louder. On the table were various breakfast items on platters and in bowls, scrambled eggs, bacon, hash browns, egg and spinach frittata, sausage patties, waffles, and fruit salad.

" Why do you only make awesome breakfast when we have guests?" Jess asked as she sat down and piled her plate with food.

Cara laughed, " I'm sorry, sweetheart, but Bella over there is just a stick figure; she needs to fatten up."

I smiled and sat down to eat my breakfast. It was already June 14th, a Saturday. In six days Edward's twentieth Birthday would be here. His gift was ordered a month ago right about when we arrived here, and I'd gone out with Alice to Seattle for one of her ridiculous shopping trips.

Of course, I found myself in Tiffany's and was looking over all of the numerous watches and jewelry they had here. I remembered that a few months prior Edward had broken his watch around January, it was a gift from his eighteenth Birthday from his dad, and he was actually pretty upset it broke.

So when I saw that they had a forty five percent off of select watches I jumped at it I somehow had gotten him a five thousand dollar watch down to twenty seven hundred dollars. I knew that all of that money was just about what I made working at the coffee shop, but I had my savings and I wanted to get him something nice for his birthday. Especially since he'd gotten me those beautiful earrings for Christmas and I'd never been able to get him anything.

" Hey, do you think we could venture out to Seattle? I have to pick up Edward's Birthday gift and all; I can give you gas money."

Jess clapped her hands, " Hells yeah! Road trip!"

Jess' mom gave her a look, " You be careful. Seattle is almost three hours away, girls."

She rolled her eyes and waved her hand at her mom and we both dug into or breakfast greedily. I was starved, and since we were spending a day out I wanted to eat so we wouldn't have to make multiple stops for food.

Once we finished we headed upstairs, Jess let me shower first while she cleaned up her room from last night, and I dressed and did my makeup in her bedroom while she took a shower herself. I put on a tan colored bandeau top that had a white tribal pattern and tossed on a loose white racer back tank top that was a little sheer, hence the bandeau. It had a breast pocket on the left and it was just very flowy. I slightly tucked it in just near the middle of my medium wash shorts and looped a scarf through the belt loops of the shorts, tying it in the front to give my outside a little bit more something, the print was tribal with very bright colors so brought something to the table. I put on my heart necklaces and then slipped into my lace-less all stars that was a color that matched my bandeau.

Afterwards I did my makeup at her vanity, a little bit of light foundation, cover-up for my fucking purple under eyes, eyeliner on my upper and bottom lash line and then winged it out before adding mascara.

Jess was finished by the time I got my makeup all done, so I blow dried my hair and she got dressed as I finished up in the bathroom. I borrowed her straightened as she did her makeup and we finished mostly on time; ready to head into Seattle.

" So, where are we heading to in Seattle?"

" Tiffany's."

" Whoa, fancy. What exactly did you get him for his Birthday?"

I put my sunglasses on top of my head and put my phone in my bag, " I got an awesome deal on a watch when I was there with Alice. So I ordered it and wanted to get it engraved for him."

" Look at you, Miss. Moneybags, spending money at Tiffany. I probably couldn't buy sterling silver there." Jess quipped with a laugh.

We headed downstairs and Jess said goodbye to her mom, grabbing her keys off the hook in the foyer; twirling them on her finger as she opened up the front door and let me go out first. After locking the door behind her she jumped off the front step and smacked my ass with a laugh.

" Let's hit the road, hot stuff!"

Authors Note- Alright, so I hope you guys enjoyed the little look into our Edward's head. We'll see a little bit more of him as we go on, so embrace it! Never fear, the drama isn't nearly over yet so prepare for it…

REVIEWS get TEASERS.

Also a small side note, if you don't get a teaser after I've uploaded after a week, it's generally because I plan on uploading THAT day, so if you don't get it, just expect an update that day. I don't think it's necessary to send out a teaser for a chapter I'll be posting that day.