((Usually I'd try to update at least every other day, but freshman year is kicking my ass and my best friend is really sick and she'd going to have surgery, so I've been worried about her night and day. I've been totally exhausted and my new chapters have been… well, wimpy. So ill work a little harder, which may mean I update more slowly, but it'll also mean my chapters will be longer, and hopefully better. I'm reading more fanfics in addition for inspiration and just to get my head back in the game.

Thanks for your unwavering faith, patience, and great reviews, I love you all.

-Shinsun))

Not In A Million Years

Chapter 37

Time heals. Two words to sum up my existence. Time healed the anger of working for the monster Frieza for half my life, it healed the loathing of the third-class Saiyan I'd sworn to defeat, it healed said third-class's back-turning resentment at me…. and in its own slow course, it healed the sorrow of losing.

Six months passed since the miscarriage - since my delicately reconstructed world had been tilted drastically on its fragile axis - and two events took place on the same day. Tesserot had his first birthday; and I went into estrus again.

It was a small reminder, but one nonetheless, that it wasn't all over. The mark of a growing child aging a year, and the promise that another was possible to enter this world. I found myself stealing glances at my mate; expecting to see the dilated pupils and lashing tail that showed he was affected by the scent I surely was giving off. I was a bit taken aback to see no such thing. In fact, he refrained from even looking at me; amidst the celebration of little Tess's special day. Even the entirety of the Z fighters or whatever they were called had gathered to wish the toddler well and share in the festivity.

Of course the daylong activity and loud, merry voices eventually gave me a headache; but for once I ignored it in favor of remaining in good spirits, and my effort seemed to do both Tesserot and myself a world of good. I'd almost forgotten how it felt to genuinely smile; not the fake expression I'd forced myself to don for others' sake, but just because it felt good.

Everyone else seemed to be cheery too; and once the now one-year-old child and the two demi-Saiyan children were asleep from the overexcitement of the goings-on, the adults were allowed to settle and gather to talk of simpler times; some drinking heartily, some laughing at Yamcha's perverse sense of humor. I distanced myself; not for antisocial reasons, nor because I didn't fancy a hangover tomorrow morning; but to take in the whole scene from afar and reflect on how things had changed. How I'd changed.

And then I spotted Kakarot at the edge of the loose circle of friends and former warriors. He was sitting alone, his gaze downcast, a bottle of brandy untouched on the arm of his chair. He glanced up every now and again, the interest and happiness gone from his eyes. I wondered what had gotten into him; usually he'd be delighted to see his old friends, and would at least have lingered passively without all the resentment and white-knuckled irritation he was now showing. Even when one of the fighters would straight-up congratulate him on his son aging a year, there was no pride or gratitude in his face. And if it was there, it was completely fabricated.

I edged unhurriedly towards him, trying not to be too obvious; conversing as I passed people and accepting handshakes and smiles. He looked at me for a long moment when I got within speaking range, his gaze absolutely unreadable; even for me. The noise seemed to die down as even the guests caught wind of the potential tension.

"What's your deal?" I said out of the side of my mouth.

"Nothing." He said shortly, 'I wish everyone would just leave.'

"That's a relief," I answered with my voice, and I answered his contradictory thought in kind, 'Why? Usually you're glad to see them.'

"I guess it's just been a long day," his gaze met mine for a second; 'They keep lookingat you.'

I blinked, forgoing the fake verbal reply this time, 'What do you mean?'

He set his teeth slightly, 'Exactly what I said.'

'And that's a problem because….?'

I moved to sit on the edge of his chair, ignoring the humans and focusing on the mental conversation.

'Because you belong to me. And they're only so interested in you because you've been giving off a heavy aphrodisiac practically all day.'

So he had noticed that.

'Kakarot, I don't think a bunch of witless humans who are all straighter than an iron pole are going to be particularly attracted to me.' Frankly, I hadn't even thought their dull human senses could pick up the scent. But then again….

Kakarot's temper had been much reduced in these past few months. I'd noticed, so had Bulma and Gohan; but the other Z fighters and such just assumed he was back to his usual clueless self.

Not likely.

I still wasn't exactly sure what had caused Kakarot to become so withdrawn and borderline bi-polar, and I wondered if it had anything to do with me at all. Maybe it was his wife divorcing him; maybe it was something else entirely. But only when I could compare him around his friends now with how he'd been before did I grasp how truly different he was. It was almost like our roles had been reversed; he was the angry, temperamental, introvert; and I was the consoling, smiling friend. Strange didn't begin to clarify that.

'Roshi kept looking at your butt,' Kakarot went on, the shadow of a scowl cornering his mouth.

I almost laughed at how offended he looked.

'That pervert does that to everyone. Of all people, you should know that by now.'

The tall Saiyan stood up without warning, an almost drunken haze clouding his eyes.

'That particular area….and everything else about you… belongs to me.'

I lifted my chin unapologetically, 'I know.'

His tail scourged the air once, 'Don't forget it.' And with that he left, shooting a glance at the gathered people over his shoulder as if he'd like to make the lot of them vanish with a snap of his fingers.

I answered the inevitable questions as best I could; and waited until the last guest had left to go after my mate.

X

He was outside, sitting in the crook of a tree limb; his eyes fixated on the waxing moon.

I leapt in a cat-like fashion onto the branch beside him, hooking my tail around the limb for balance.

"You've calmed down," I observed, sitting with one knee bent, trying to mirror his pose.

He nodded rigidly, his eyes anywhere but on me; he thoughts anywhere but not.

"Did you… drink at all during the-?" I began.

He shook his head with a short sigh, "What do I need alcohol for when it's all I can do not to be intoxicated by you?"

I tilted my head, "It's okay, you know. You don't have to fight it."

Another head shake, "No. Not again. Never again."

"But that would be torture to you," …and to me, I added in the sanctity of my own mind.

He grit his teeth together, "Bulma said when someone becomes a father their libido calms down and their testosterone level drops significantly…. well I'm seriously doubting that; if anything it might have gotten worse."

I was about to point out that technically he'd already been a father to two before Tesserot had even been conceived; but I supposed half-human offspring were different anyway, so…

"It's different for Saiyans." I explained, "The more of a pack you have to guard, the more you want to prove your worth of guarding it. Rather than calming after creating an heir, male Saiyan hormones actually go into overdrive."

He leaned his head back against the tree trunk, "When does it stop?"

I shrugged, "Father never mentioned that."

There was a long moment of utter silence. The wind was still and neither of us made a sound. I allowed my thoughts to wander, drifting from what had gone on today to when the last time I trained was, and from there to settle stanchly on the man in front of me. Whether musing about his changes in attitude or fantasizing about his sexual appeal – yes, yes, chuckle awkwardly; at least I can admit it – they remained unwaveringly on him.

Eventually his black gaze landed on me, and he spoke; hardly moving his mouth.

"Why are you the way you are?" he looked captivated, as if he were looking at a rare gemstone beneath a plexiglass window; or an illustrious banquet just out of reach.

I shivered under the intensity of his eyes. Or maybe it was the cold, it was hard to tell.

"Who can say?" I muttered, "The gods make us what we are; it's not a choice, Kakarot."

"Bulma had an interesting word for it," he said quietly, "hermaphrodite."

I looked quizzically at him, "Is that a human word for freak of nature?"

A shallow, brief head shake, "She said it meant someone who was both male and female. Someone who had the characteristics of both," I noticed that he was closer to me than before; I could feel his body heat, yet I hadn't even seen him move.

His scent was like an elixir laced with heroin. That's really all I can say.

"That's a pr-pretty legitimate description," I said dazedly as he loomed over me; a moment before his mouth grabbed mine. He hadn't made a move in almost six months, and his very presence swirling around me felt like coming home. What was it about him that I found so damn addictive every single time? Maybe everything?

The humid orifice plundering my lips parted slightly and Kakarot's fiery tongue invaded my mouth, reconnoitering the very depths as he crushed me against him. I felt a rush of air whip past my face and opened my eyes in alarm, disconnecting the kiss as we fell head over foot out of the tree. We could very well have flown out of gravity's greedy reach, but he let us fall, dropping far too fast and landing far too lightly for such a height. Once standing on the ground, he took the opportunity to snatch my mouth again, but I broke away when I saw an opening to do so.

"Wh…what if..?" I began breathlessly, "You said…"

His hand caressed the side of my face, turning my eyes to meet his. I was surprised to see them clear and honest.

"I thought it over," he murmured, "And I'm not afraid to try again; if you're willing."

I inhaled shakily, as if it were the last breath I'd ever take. Kakarot's voice was just… I'd never appreciated it before… usually a light tenor sound, now it was a low, rich baritone; mature and still unbelievably alluring. That and his mind-blowingly incredible scent made my very skin crawl with desire.

But rationally…. logically, was I willing to go through it all again? Pregnancy was traumatic enough the first time; and the second time was just unfair and more than a little heartbreaking. Still…. it had taught me things I never would have learned on my own, and it gave me a mate in turn that I'd learned to love above all else. As long as he was there with me… it was worth it all.

I met his gaze steadily, "More than, Kakarot."

A smile brightened my mate's face. He drew me close to him and I expected him to assault my lips again, but he just sat at the roots of the tree with me beside him, his tail stroking mine gently.

"We'll take it slow," he promised, and he initiated an enthrallingly sweet kiss. In contrast to the way he'd been last time I was in season, he was considerate; unhurried and placid, as if he could do this all night.

I remembered an incident before under similar circumstances, involving a group of rowdy teens and an insult.

'Don't worry,' Kakarot's thoughts soothed, 'Mt. Paozu is secluded, and every inch of this land belongs to me. …To us.'

I felt more than heard his rumbling purr as he thought this, his pride in his tenure and in me evident in his confident movements and scent.

Slowly, he lay me down so that I was reasonably comfortable in the grass; unlike before when he'd slammed me to the ground and pinned me there.

"Why are your thoughts so clear right now?" I asked, purely out of interest, "Why aren't you going insane with urges like last time?"

He laughed darkly, "Believe me, I am."

"Then…?"

He leaned athwart my legs and arrested my lips again gently.

"I'd cheat nature for you, Vegeta." he murmured against my mouth.

"But how-?" I began. He growled warningly.

"Enough." One word that explained a thousand concepts.

I nodded and let him do what he would; brushing my tail under his chin in apology for interrupting.

He captured the furry appendage in one hand, removing his lips from mine and – to my slight surprise – inserting the tip of the fuzzy length in his own mouth.

Oh my gods. I wish I could just describe it. How many words does an Earth dictionary have? And how many would fail to give justice to the action itself, let alone the sensation? The torrid, damp kiln that was Kakarot's mouth cloaking each hypersensitive hair in heat, sending a river of energy and passion up my spine to the very base of my skull was enough to render me incoherent, so I shouted my approval even as he experimented with his teeth, lips and tongue; seeing what sounds he could draw from me.

While he sucked on the end of my tail, his hand crept up to slip under my spandex shirt – which I now had the freedom to wear again – and spidered over the mark on my left shoulder; I could see the fascination and raw emotion etched on his face, he was enjoying this as much as I was. So as I choked for breath and fought to keep it all in; to memorize each touch and somehow feel it all at once, of course he had to flare to Super Saiyan and make everything that much more extreme.

I couldn't help myself; my entire body shuddered and I came with a scream that didn't even seem to be mine, cresting the parabola of orgasm as I convulsed once and let my head hit the ground as it fell back. My next breath didn't reach me until Kakarot released my tail and my mark; and if my eyes were open I would have seen the look of unadulterated love he bestowed on me. But they weren't and I didn't.

"I th…" I began, my voice sounded raw, "I thought… you were… going to t-take it slow…."

"I was and am," Kakarot said simply, "We've barely even started."

"Gods…" I panted.

"Taking it slow and taking it easy are two very different things, Vegeta," my mate continued, he almost sounded smug. It didn't suit him, but I wasn't complaining. In fact the words themselves sounded like their own method of foreplay, and I felt my blood run hot despite my recent release.

He waited a moment for me to catch my breath; or some of it anyway.

"Ready for round two?" he asked, I opened my eyes to see a look of anticipation on his face.

"N-no," I muttered.

He smirked, "Too bad."

I barely had time to brace myself before he attacked my mouth, hardly allowing me breath when I attempted to inhale. I felt lightheaded, but I didn't really care. Despite the intensity, he kept his promise and paced himself dutifully. No matter how many gulping breaths I stole, there didn't seem to be enough air; and I contemplated allowing myself to suffocate under his furnace of a body, which was so contradictory to his icy scent.

Kakarot sensed my struggle for oxygen apparently, 'Need to breathe? What'll you give me in return?'

It wasn't like him to bargain, much less show selfishness; but I could feel his intentions, and they were all fair. This was just part of the game.

I ignored his offer for as long as I could, telling myself I could survive on the short, hot breaths I took through my nose; but I was still worn out from before, and the air seemed to grow thinner the more I breathed it.

'Kakarot,' I prompted reproachfully.

He didn't relent, and just repeated his bargain from before, the suction of his lips on mine almost bruising.

'K-Kakarot…!' my mental voice took on an urgent tone as the remaining air was drained from my lungs.

He mumbled an innocently questioning sound into my mouth; bristling the fur of his tail infuriatingly along mine, causing me to choke beneath him. My lungs screamed and I struggled objectively, responding to the instinctive demand for air. Now.

'Kakarot, PLEASE!' my thoughts shouted.

Something shifted in my mate's thoughts and he let me go abruptly, breathing hard. I inhaled desperately, coughing on the same breath as it left me. I felt like someone had held me underwater for an hour.

"S-sorry Vegeta, I d-don't know what came over me," Kakarot said shakily, "Did I hurt you?"

Oh, the irony of this was fantastic. When he took it slow and tried to keep control, he ended up almost killing me.

"No," I panted raggedly, "Just… smothered me a little."

"Th-that's enough for today," he said quickly, starting to get to his feet.

I grabbed his wrist, "Don't be ridiculous," I met his eye with a knowing smirk, "We've barely even started."

Amusement and denial fought it out on his face as he heard me echo his words.

"I'll be more careful," he promised, straddling my waist again tentatively.

I snorted, "Spend less time being careful and more time getting to the point."

He nodded.

"Now," I grinned, leaning up to graze my lips against his jaw, "My turn."

I felt him shiver slightly, and that was all the invitation I needed. I moved down his neck, alternately kissing and nibbling the skin until I heard his breathing grow rough. My hands landed on the hem on his shirt, and I slid it up his chest and over his head at an exaggeratedly slow pace. My mouth skimmed over his shoulder until it brushed his mark. I felt his whole body tense. I removed my own shirt slowly and allowed the bare skin of our chests to touch briefly.

"V….'Geta…." Kakarot implored, trembling as my lips skittered tantalizingly over his mating mark.

'Oh I'm sorry, did you need something, Kakarot?' I deliberately touched the very tip of my tail to the mark as well, drawing out a low moan from my mate.

'Please…' he begged, 'mercy…'

Well, usually revenge was something I enjoyed; but not with my lover shaking and pleading like this.

"As you wish," I said carelessly, sliding my teeth slowly into the hollows of the scar beneath them.

Kakarot groaned in appreciation as the cracked skin split and warm blood engulfed my already hyper senses. Wasting no time, I placed my hands on his hips and shimmied his skintight jeans down his legs, where they rested below his knees. I slid my own spandex leggings down a few inches, and barely got that far before Kakarot pounced; my canines pulling out of his skin as he did, and pinned me to the grass.

"You call this taking it slow?" I teased; ready for him to give in.

He growled a low, shuddering note, "Fuck that, you should be more worried about escaping with your spine intact."

I knew he was kidding… or at least… I hoped he was.

He ripped the remaining clothing from me almost too quickly to see, attempting to adjust his position and murdering what was left of his jeans when they hindered his movement.

With his violent motions, I expected him to penetrate me roughly and move hard and fast. What I hands-down did not expect was for him to wet his hand with saliva and deftly prepare both himself and me before he budged another inch. Seeming to rein in his strength and compulsions, he entered me slowly, dropping a lingering kiss on the inside of my thigh as he did. I moved with him, agreeing with his speed and matching it. I wondered what had caused him to go from being about ready to fuck me senseless to turning a complete one-eighty and becoming this gentle, caring person again.

His lips brushed my navel and he drew a line up lightly with his tongue, meeting my eyes gradually.

I understood. He had remembered in the split second before he lost control what had happened when he let go of his senses. Maybe he was worried about hurting me, maybe he was worried about hurting the baby in the action of creating it; I didn't know.

He kept up the slow, rolling pace for a while, only increasing it as we drew near climax. He sucked on the mark on my shoulder, not breaking the skin; but causing a whole new spectrum of sensations to unfold before me just the same. When he came, it was almost like a pledge to be better; as he was offering the component necessary to create new life, he was promising to improve ours. Promising never to be so careless again.

And I knew what he was about to say a moment before he said it. It was the same thing he said before; with a different meaning.

"Not again," he murmured, nuzzling my stomach gently, "Never again."

TBC