Chapter Thirty-Five
Damita knocked on the door to Aizen's room; after stopping off at her own room she changed and tried to make herself look somewhat normal. But her skin was still flushed after what happened with Grimmjow. He was still on her mind. Thoughts of his body against her made her shuttered, why am I reacting like this? This feeling seems right, do I like Grimmjow? Did I like him before my accident? Shaking her head she realized that Aizen had not responded so she knocked on the door again. After a few moments she heard no reply, knocking one last time she heard him yell for her to enter. When she walked in he was nowhere to be found but she heard water running from the bathroom. As the thought of leaving and letting him finish crossed her mind, the bathroom door cracked open and his voice sounded through the room,
"Please have a seat Damita. I will be out in a moment." She tensed up, why did he want to speak with her now? Did she do something wrong? Shaking her head she put her worries aside and examined his room. His Zanpaktou was placed on his bed along with his clothes neatly. Her eyes wondered over the long blade and curiosity got the best of her. Walking closer to the bed she ran her hand over the handle and slowly grasped it. Something in her stirred as it felt strange holding a katana. She and Grimmjow had been training for a while yet he had never raised his own to her nor had he mentioned anything about showing her how to use one. Did I even have a Zanpaktou? Damita wondered. She pulled the handle and watched carefully as the blade was revealed inch by inch. She was so fascinated by it that she didn't hear the water shut off in the bathroom. Even in the darkness the blade glistened and shined over her face. Looking at her reflection she was about to completely pull it out of its holding when she saw Aizen standing behind her. With a gasp she quickly placed it back into the holder.
"Gomennasai, I was just looking—" Damita stuttered hoping he wasn't mad at her, but before she could finish he raised his hand to silence her. It was then she realized that he stood in front of her in only a white bath towel wrapped around his waist. Freshly showered, water was running down his body. His hair was wet and slicked back. He lowered his hand and took the Zanpaktou from her hands. She watched as he unsheathed his Zanpaktou and demonstrated to the blade to her. Once again her eyes found the blade glistening in the darkness of the room. Thoughts of using one sent unusual tingles down her back. As he flicked his wrist and ran the tip of the blade over the floor in lazy circles, her eyes never left it. Suddenly he brought the tip the blade back up and placed it on her chin. Damita's eyes widened and her movements stiffen. He lifted her chin up and made her look at him,
"This is not a toy, Damita." Aizen said, slowly the blade ran down her throat. She feared he was trying to scare her but she never showed fear instead she narrowed her eyes at him
"My apologies Aizen –Sama, I let my curiosity compel me." Damita said
"Curiosity? About a katana?" he mused as she nodded slowly
"Do I have one?" she suddenly asked
"Yes," Aizen replied, he smirked and removed the blade from her chin. She rubbed her chin and watched as he sheathed the Zanpaktou.
"Where is it? Why don't I have it?" Damita continued
"It's broken, at the moment it is incapable of being released for you. One of the cruel things Kurosaki Ichigo has done to you." he replied
"Is there a way to fix it? What if I practice with it and learn to use it again?" she was a ball of questions and Aizen didn't summon her to his room to play twenty-one questions. He wanted her, even now she was tempting him to cut her out of her uniform and take her. All the more reason it was best he placed his Zanpaktou aside.
"You will learn to use it again in time," he paused with a sigh; she figured he was annoyed by the sound of his voice. Maybe he wanted to get dressed and be left alone
"Gin-Sama said you wanted to speak with me? Have I done something wrong?" Damita muttered
"Of course not; you could never do anything wrong. I merely wanted to see how you were doing? I know you have been training hard, but I don't want you to exhaust yourself. Patience is a virtue after all." Aizen smiled, if only he could follow his own advice. His eyes wandered over her body and soon his body was reacting. Raising his hand to her face he brushed his fingers over where he had placed his blade. Damita froze as he was moving closer to her. His fingers trailed down her throat and grasped her neck. Panic took over and she tried to put her head down, but he used his other hand to lift her chin. His lips were inches away from hers when she pushed herself away from him. The idea seemed to work until she realized she now had her back against a wall. She quickly turned and was about to run for the door when Aizen grabbed her wrist
"Aizen-Sama?" she whispered
"Gomennasai, Damita. I should have never approached you like that. But, as days pass, it becomes harder for me to control my feelings around you." Aizen stated, suddenly her eyes widened as she remembered that Nnoitora and Grimmjow had been calling her "Aizen's pet", was it true? Am I his pet? Her mind was racing, this couldn't be right; Aizen was her leader and nothing more. Besides she didn't feel anything for him, not like she was beginning to feel for…
"I am sorry if I upset you." Aizen added sounding almost sincere
"Aizen-Sama, is this something that…before I was injured did you always treat me like this?" Damita asked
"I did, of course I was able to freely express my feelings for you. But because of your injuries, I didn't want to force anything on you. But having you close to me is slowly becoming a challenge. I am greatly attracted to you Damita and I long to have you again." He replied
"Again?" so it was true, she was his pet. But how? If she belonged to him why did nothing in her long for him. He was standing in front of her in only a towel and she felt nothing. Sure there was anxiety surging through her, but it wasn't from anticipation, it was from fear of what he could do to her.
"Please don't be upset with me my dear Damita; despite my composure I am still a man." He was slowly pulling her towards him, but she quickly yanked her hand away and ran for the door. Ignoring his attempts she left the room and ran down the halls. It was all true, I'm nothing but Aizen-Sama's pet. Grimmjow was right, I got angry with him but all he was doing was telling me what I really was to Aizen. Damita was hurt, she didn't want to be around Aizen; the thought of him touching her like that me something in her cringe. She needed to clear her mind. She needed someone to talk to. Ulquiorra? She thought, but he was one of Aizen's most trusted Espadas and somewhat had authority over her. What if he ordered her to calm down and return to Aizen's quarters? She couldn't risk that. But she wanted to talk with someone. There was only one other person that may listen to her.
~Flashback~
Hoshiko had been in Kuchiki house for a few days and things were going just as Byakuya expected. She was still angry and preferred to stay isolated to herself yet she didn't turn away Renji; the two had become close friends and he was the only person she socialized with. Even the help of the household noticed how distant she was. Hoshiko's job was to help around the house but she mostly ignored her duties and wondered around the house to find a quiet place to herself. Byakuya never forced her to work, after all the council ordered her to spend her sentence in his home, not him. As long as she was taken care of and she was not a harm to herself or anyone else he was fine with whatever she did. But deep down she was harming herself. At night she never slept and when she did she had nightmares and would scream violently from visions of Seiichi hurting her. Renji made her sleep in his bed while slept on the floor so that when she had a nightmare he could calm her down. He seemed to be the only person she allowed to see her vulnerable. But her nightmares caused her to not want to sleep at all, so during the day she looked tired and didn't want to be around anyone. As the days went on, Byakuya quickly took notice of her appearance and knew something had to be done. He wanted her to see Unohana, but she refused and her main problem was not her physical health it was her mental.
One night after dinner, Hoshiko seemed annoyed that Renji dragged her to eat with everyone else. Despite being head of the Kuchiki family, Byakuya still had dinner with the help when given a chance. While sitting at the dinner table everyone stared oddly at her. Byakuya simply ate his dinner in peace but he could feel she was uncomfortable.
"No one here will judge you Hoshiko," his words broke through awkward silence in the room. She looked at him, as the servants quickly turned their attention to their own food. For a second Byakuya looked up and found her eyes before continuing to finish his meal. When he was done, he elegantly cleaned his mouth and stood up from the table. The servants stood and bowed as he left the room. Hoshiko watched as he left and she couldn't help but notice the level of respect he received in the house. Even Renji bowed to him.
"Next time it would be good for you to show respect as well Hoshiko, "Renji commented as he sat back down next to her
"He's not my master," she replied defensively
"Is that what this is about? You think if you start working around here, he'll be your master?" he asked
"I just don't want to work for him, I appreciate "this" but he will never be my master." she replied, before Renji could say anything she stood up and left the room. Renji sighed, she still was angry and despite his daily talks with her, she wasn't changing.
While walking around the house later that night, Hoshiko wanted to be alone again but this time even Renji was ignored. She knew it was wrong to treat him and everyone this way but, why bother? She was a prisoner and this was her sentence. Lost in her thoughts she didn't notice someone was walking through the long hallways as well.
"Bya…" Hoshiko looked up to see an older woman standing in front of her, "I'm sorry….. Hoshiko, I thought you were Byakuya-Sama; he's the only one usually up around here this late. Plus I don't normally see you wondering around the house."
"It's ok." Hoshiko replied
"I'm Rikku, Mitsu's mother." The woman stated with a smile, "My daughter told me about you the night that she helped clean you up."
Did she tell you I was a monster? Hoshiko wondered, "I remember her."
"I can see it in your eyes." Rikku suddenly commented
"What?" Hoshiko asked confused
"Anger….they remind me of his eyes when he was younger." Rikku replied
"His?"
"Byakuya-Sama…..I have been working here since I was Mitsu's age, so I have known him since he was a young boy. Very hot tempered and easily annoyed. He didn't listen to anyone and for a while, his grandfather was worried he would never learn to control his rage." Rikku replied
"Byakuya?" Hoshiko was surprised, he was so serious and didn't seem like anything bother him. "What changed him?
"He learned to deal with his temper and control it; I taught him how to meditate and focus." She replied, "After all the head of the Kuchiki family has responsibilities that require him to be level headed." She replied
"My rage is different from his." Hoshiko said
"But it can destroy you the same." Rikku commented as Hoshiko looked away, "Well I need to get some sleep before dawn. It was nice speaking with you Hoshiko. If you need to talk with someone please don't hesitate." Hoshiko watched as she walked away. She couldn't help but think about what she said, but she was wrong. Rage is what reminded her that she was alive and without it what else would she have? Walking again she found herself wondering around upper levels and came across a slightly open door. Light shined through the crack and Hoshiko slowly walked closer to peek inside. Rikku was right, Byakuya was awake and he was sitting on the floor meditating. She watched as he was still like a rock, it almost looked like he was asleep.
"Why aren't you asleep?" the sound of his voice made her jump, he never opened his eyes
"I just can't sleep." She replied, "I didn't mean to interrupt you." Hoshiko turned to leave
"It will do you well to get rest; lack of sleep is showing in your appearance and attitude."
"What do you care if it is?" she snapped
"I care because you are tired and that affects how you act within my home." He stated, "Now get some rest."
"I'm not tired." Hoshiko said, suddenly his eyes opened and he looked at her closely, locking eyes with her, he could clearly see the tiredness in her eyes.
"Hoshiko, you need to rest. For the past few weeks, I have taken notice to your lack of energy and isolation from everyone. Renji has informed me that he rarely sees you sleep. It is not healthy for you." Byakuya sighed
"Follow your own advice, I don't see you asleep" She paused a question lingering in her head now, "Does it work?"
"What works?" He asked
"Meditating…."
"Yes…..when you live the life I do, you have to. I find it calming," he replied, "In fact it would be helpful working on your mental stability; the first step to helping yourself is helping your mind which requires rest. Why don't you sleep, Hoshiko?" At first she just stared blankly at him, "Tell me,"
"I can't sleep, because…I just can't." she replied looking away from him. Byakuya decided to take this opportunity to talk with her and possibly get her to open up to him.
"Since you refuse to sleep, will you sit with me?" He asked gesturing for her to sit down on the floor. Hoshiko was hesitant but decided to take a chance. Reluctantly she sat across from him
"Now what?" Hoshiko asked
"I know you have nightmares about Seiichi…." Byakuya started, she trembled at the statement, "I'm not oblivious to the fact that you are being plagued by thoughts of him, which is why you refuse to sleep."
"He can't hurt me when I'm wake." She whispered
"Yes he can, your health is being affected by this. Renji has told me you haven't slept in four days." He said
"I don't know what to do." Hoshiko admitted
"You can start by closing your eyes." Byakuya replied. She didn't know what he was doing but she tiredly closed her eyes and tried to relax, "Relax your mind; you have a lot of anger built up inside of you. If you can learn to overcome it, you can control yourself and remove Seiichi from your mind." Easier said than done, Hoshiko thought as she could feel her body craving sleep and succumbing to it. But after a few moments images of Seiichi hurting her creep out from the darkness of her mind and she snapped her eyes open.
"I can't!" her heart was beating fast as she tried to think of something else to take Seiichi of her mind
"Calm down Hoshiko," he stated
"I don't want to do this anymore." Hoshiko commented
"What meditating or running from your fears?" Byakuya asked, "I don't ask anything of you in my home, but I request that you not self destruct in it. Even in death Seiichi controls and torments you but this time it is because you allow him to. The pain isn't going to disappear one day by itself. So I suggest you learn to move on from this and help yourself. Even if meditating is not the answer for you, the answer rests within you." she narrowed her eyes at him closely she knew he was right. Seiichi was dead, but because of her anger and fear he was still much alive in her. After a moment she went back to meditating; relaxing her body and breathing slowly she soon fought with her memories of Seiichi. Byakuya watched as her body started to tremble,
"Calm yourself," he stated, she tried to relax again and force Seiichi out of her mind. As time continued to pass she learned to ignore her memories of pain and concentrate on something else. Letting her mind wonder, Hoshiko found herself thinking about Renji and his friendship to her, soon she became relaxed and started to forget about Seiichi. Renji was doing so much for her; even with his duties to the Sixth Squad he still made time to help her. She remembered the nights she woke up screaming and thinking Seiichi was next to her but Renji held her tightly and tried to protect her even from a nightmare. Yet she was pushing his helping hand away and isolating herself from everyone. It had to stop and this was the first step to doing so. Some hours had passed and Hoshiko was still meditating, her eyes were closed and her breathing was becoming steady. She was so focused that she didn't even know that Byakuya had never left her. Because she was able to get Seiichi out of her mind and replace him with other thoughts, Hoshiko soon felt herself falling asleep. All those restless nights were taking her over fast and suddenly she couldn't sit straight. She was about to fall back and expected to hit the floor but instead she felt something warm press against her back. Sleepily opening her eyes she was surprised to find Byakuya holding her up.
"I'm tired….so tired." She muttered
"Sleep now, Hoshiko." Byakuya said as her eyes closed and she was drifting off to sleep. He picked her up and fully placed her in his arms; carrying her to her room he wasn't surprised to see Renji asleep next to her bed. He probably was worried and waited up Hoshiko. Placing her in the bed, Byakuya could see she was peacefully sleeping. Even her features changed, she looked calm. As he covered her with a blanket, he noticed strands of hair around her face. Gently pushing them away his hand lingered. A feeling he had long forgotten came over him, quickly removing his hand he left the room and went to his own. Byakuya hoped tomorrow would be a new day for Hoshiko.
~Las Noches~
Grimmjow annoyingly lounged around his room; he couldn't get her off his mind. Why was he acting this way? She was Hoshiko and he hated her. How could he go from wanting her dead to wanting to make her scream for reasons other than pain? He intended to train her and smack her around a little, but after she challenged him and slapped him, he felt something different stir inside of him. It was the same feeling he had when she first scarred him in the real world. Was it lust? Hell no I hate that woman, he thought. But something craved her and if that damned fox, Gin hadn't interrupted who knows what he would have done to her.
Grimmjow sighed; it made it worse that she responded to him. She was moaning and liked what he was doing to her, the damn woman wanted him. He smirked as he thought about what Ichigo would do if he knew what happened. His thoughts came back to Damita, there was nothing different about her in comparison to Hoshiko, but something about her made him want her. Maybe he always wanted her, all those times he hesitated to kill her or found himself looking at her for too long perhaps it was because he didn't hate her like he claimed he did. This was confusing how could want to kill her and screw her at the same time. Maybe I should screw her then kill her, he laughed to himself. Yet killing her would only make things worse for him, Aizen would have his head and something in his stomach would nag at him for hurting her just like last time.
"Damn you woman! Different name but still annoying me," Grimmjow groaned in frustration. Suddenly there was a knock at his door; he ignored it as he figured it was Nnoitora coming to bother him. He wasn't in the mood, if he bothered him he would take his other eye out. After a few moments the knocking continued and when he couldn't take it anymore he flashed to the door and swung it open,
"What!" he snapped, but who he found on the other side surprised him
"Grimmjow….gomennasai, I just needed someone to talk with someone." Damita stated
And you had to choose me? Grimmjow thought as he knew this couldn't lead to anything good for him. With a groaned he tried to close the door on her but she ignored his attempt and entered his room. He wished she would leave but another part of him wanted to continue were they left off. Glancing at her in the corner of his eyes he could see she was distressed over something. Did Aizen do something to her? He thought. Before he could stop the words from coming out he had to ask,
"Are you alright?" when the hell do I ever ask if someone is alright? I don't give a damn what happens to her or anyone. Grimmjow hoped she didn't hear him, but of course she did
"I'm his pet…" Damita whispered
"Glad you noticed," Grimmjow smirked but this time his words weren't filled with the usual hate
"He wants me….he made it clear that he did." She said
"So what's the problem? Shouldn't you be playing "pet" right now?" he asked
"Because I don't want to….I don't want him. Nothing in me wants him. I question if I ever wanted him. I mean I know if there was something between him and I, I wouldn't remember it but I know I would feel it." She paused looking at him closely, "When you kissed me I felt something….I didn't have to question if I wanted it I knew just from being close to you and seeing the look in your eyes." Grimmjow's eyes widened at her statement
"What? You think I want you? That was me trying to get laid just like everyone else in this place." He said
"No it's not….the way Nnoitora or Aizen looks at me is different to how you look at me. I see want, but not the type of want that disgusts me or scares me." Damita commented
"You're off your rocker, you don't want me and I sure as fuck don't want you." Grimmjow replied, "Now, leave me alone." he was about to walk away from her but she came up to him and grabbed his arm, but he shoved it away. "I said leave me alone!"
"Was it that bad? You kissed me and I was kissing you back for a moment." She stated
"Yeah it was, in fact I'm about to go bring up my lunch." Grimmjow replied with a smirk. His words hit her, but she knew he was lying. Normally he would say it to her face but he turned his head away. Why is he acting like this? She thought annoyed. With a groan she abruptly grabbed his shoulders and shoved him into a nearby wall. Grimmjow turned around and was about to rise up but she placed her hands on his chest and pinned him there.
"You're lying! You felt something when we kissed," Damita stated, "It's not nice to kiss and walk away from a girl, especially one like me."
"You wish I did," he said turning his head away suddenly his breath caught as she ran a hand down the scar Hoshiko had put on him.
"I have always wondered who gave you this scar," she mused
"A stupid Shinigami." He relied
"Did you kill them?" she asked
"Still trying to." Was his simple reply, his breathing was becoming ragged for some reason. His mind told him to push her off but his body wouldn't allow it. The feeling of her hand on his chest sent tingles to all the wrong places.
"I want you Grimmjow….." Damita whispered
"No you don't, you want Kur….." Grimmjow stopped himself as Ichigo nearly slipped out, "You shouldn't be toying with me like this. I won't be responsible for what I do to you."
"All talk Grimmjow?" she smirked, he looked down at her and narrowed his eyes. Suddenly she gasped as Grimmjow grabbed her hand and slammed her into the wall. The raw power from him made a shiver run down her back. His hands pressed on either side of her head as he stared down at her,
"I never play prey or bottom." He growled
She tried to push him away but he took her hand and slammed it back against the wall. He tangled his free hand in her hair and pulled her against his body. Tracing her bottom lip with his tongue, she groaned and Grimmjow took advantage to maneuver his tongue into her mouth. He deepened the kiss and moved his hand up to cup her chin, brushing his thumb along the soft side of her face. Damita trembled against him as her body melted into his arms, a soft pant escaped from her lips as he released her. She reached up to trace the side of Grimmjow's hollow mask with her free hand. Looking into her eyes Grimmjow saw want and need but he knew it couldn't be for him. Letting her go he moved away from her.
"Grimmjow?" Damita muttered confused
"Get out….." he replied
"What?"
"I said get out! I can't do this." Grimmjow stated, he couldn't understand why his…."emotions" were taking him over. He never knew what feelings like this meant but he was starting to hate having them. He wanted Damita, but in the reality he wanted Hoshiko. And the thought of that was making him sick.
"Why are you doing this to me? First you want me then you push me away? Am I doing something wrong?" she asked
"I don't need to explain myself to you. Just get out." He replied, instead of asking more questions, she turned and angrily left the room. Grimmjow watched as she left and felt weird not having her there with him.
"Damnit these feeling are fuckin' confusing!" he yelled as he slammed his hand against the wall. Why can't I just kill her and get her out my head? Grimmjow thought to himself.
"Knock knock," he heard someone knocking at his door and annoyingly laughing on the other side. Realizing who it was he tried to ignore them but the person didn't take the hint. Grimmjow watched as his door was knocked down and Nnoitora walked in with a smug smile on his face," I said, knock knock."
"What the fuck do you want?" Grimmjow groaned
"Well I was in the neighborhood and heard some interesting noises coming from your room so I thought I would take a peek. Sadly the little "woman" left before I could join you guys. But tell me, how was she?" the Fifth Espada smirked as Grimmjow narrowed his eyes at him.
"None of your fuckin' business." Grimmjow replied
"That good huh? Protective of her much." Nnoitora smirked, "It's okay I'll just have to sample her myself then."
"You fuckin' touch her and I'll take out your good eye." Grimmjow warned
"Fine….I will leave the little woman alone, but just be careful Sixth Espada; if Aizen was to know about your little "fun" with his pet I'm sure he wouldn't take it lightly. It sure would be a shame if someone told him. Sucks to be you huh?" Grimmjow watched as the tall Espada left the room with a grin. He knew the bastard all too well. He wouldn't tell Aizen about what happened between them unless it meant him getting something out of it. With a heavy groan, Grimmjow decided to leave his room before anyone else decided to test him. All he wanted was some space and time to think. But what he would get is a rude awakening he didn't expect.
A/N: Hope you guys like all the drama…I will upload more chapters later today :)