A/N: In this chapter, we see the culmination of kkolmakov's master plan. It was she that had the idea the Dwarves would propose to Beryl one by one. I, not being dim, saw what a masterstroke it was and agreed. The rest is hilarious history.
It took Beorn two more days to make it back to them, and he was in high spirits when he came. They woke to merry song in a familiar booming voice, and he went so far as to scoop Wren up and swing her around, laughing the entire time. "Killed the Great Goblin himself!" he crowed as he laid a jubilant kiss on her cheek. It took two more revolutions before he deigned to set her on her feet. Thorin laid a possessive arm around Wren's waist as soon as she touched down, drawing her back against him, which caused Beorn even further merriment. "Guarding your treasure, eh Dwarf King? Well, this time, you have it a'right. Anyone who can lay low the Great Goblin is well worth the guarding."
He then led the still sleepy eyed Company outside to display his souvenirs from the Misty Mountains. One was a goblin head on a spike, and the other was a warg pelt stretched between the trees to cure. Beryl was afraid she would disgrace everyone by losing her lunch, and saw a rather green Wren folding herself into Thorin's side. She noticed the warg's nose was burnt. She had to do an old breathing exercise to keep her composure.
"They didn't feel very chatty. I had to persuade them, but they eventually told me everything I wanted to know. Now, they'll convince the rest of that pestilence they want to stay in that cursed mountain of theirs." Beorn's rolling laughter did little to calm Beryl's stomach. She was only too glad when Beorn insisted they needed to go back into his Hall to celebrate properly.
An entertained Beorn set a fine table. An ecstatic Beorn set a marvelous feast. It was just as well Beryl's buttons were gone, because they would have burst at Beorn's table this day. Clotted cream and juicy pear spears, candied plums, grilled mushrooms, honey drizzled sweet bread and other delicacies Beryl couldn't find a proper name for passed across her plate and down her gullet with gusto. She was so full, she didn't want to move. Of course, that was the exact moment Beorn felt it proper to break out his chess game, which required Beryl to waddle as best she may outside.
His full sized, everyone-participates-as-pieces chessboard was marked out in the grass on the other side of the Hall away from his new gruesome prizes. The sheep served as pawns for both sides. His marvelous horses and dogs served as his court.
Sorting the other side, however, proved slightly problematic. Assigning the rooks to Dwalin and Gloin seemed natural, as was assigning the knights to Fili and Kili. Balin was a given as a bishop, but Oin, who would have been the other, couldn't hear well enough, so excused himself from the game. Dori took a little convincing to step into the spot. Wren had only to ask Thorin once, and he took the king's spot with a raised eyebrow and smirk for the healer. Beryl was laughing merrily on the sideline with the rest of the dwarves, until she heard Wren call her to the queen's square.
"Wait, what? No, that's your spot." Beryl started backing towards the house, hands held up in entreaty. Sensing merry mischief in the making, Bofur and Bombur each took an elbow, lifting poor Beryl clear off the ground.
"How, Beryl? I must stand here to see the board clearly." Wren gestured to the huge stump Beorn had for her, with wide crude steps cut in the side to allow her the same view he had of the board. Beryl heartily cursed Wren's calm demeanor and reasonable words under her breath. There seemed no rational way out, and she was borne inexorably towards the dread square there by one Thorin Oakenshield. Wren already seemed to harbor some odd ideas. She did not want to in any way encourage them.
"No no no no" Beryl chanted under her breath to everyone's amusement the entire way to the chessboard until the brothers Ur placed her gently next to Thorin on the board. Thankfully, he seemed to regard her placement and abashment with good humor, a rare smile gracing his face.
"Honorable healer, I believe all your pieces are in place, and it is your move." Thorin made the solemn pronouncement with a grand bow for his lady, and Wren returned it with a graceful curtsy from her stumpy perch. She then considered the chess battlefield before her, and ordered her knight Kili to the fore.
What followed was a comedic battle of wills and Dwarven hilarity. None of the Dwarves would allow Kili to live down his defeat at the hands of a black sheep. Beryl insisted on commandeering the pony she captured, so she could finally see the board as she traversed it. She was allowed, as she did actually ask the pony in question, and it bobbed its head. Petticoat seemed to enjoy the increased status from mere knight to Queen's mount. The greyhound sent to menace the castled king seemed reluctant, especially when faced with the Rook Dwalin. He frisked like a pup when a tap from Balin relieved him of his appointed task.
The mental game finally drew to a close when Beryl and Gloin cornered Beorn in an inescapable trap, and his laughter rolled as he admitted defeat to the Great Goblin slayer. Slaps, congratulations, and other jubilations rolled, but all that faded to silence as Beryl dismounted and turned to a sight certified to chill her blood cold. Thorin, grand, severe, grumpy, and supposedly-over-the-moon-for-Wren Thorin, was on bended knee before her. Beryl would have run, but there was a very solid pony behind her, and she didn't have a handy quarterstaff to knock Thorin cold and escape that way. She was stuck as firmly as a checkmated king. When Thorin took her hand gently in both of his, she was near apoplectic.
"Beryl," the bloody twit was using that baritone rumble in its most velvet tones. Even as horrified as she was, she could feel goosebumps forming from it. "It has been my great honor to have traveled with you thus far. I have been witness to your valor, your cleverness, and recipient of your generosity. I have learned your measure and have been awed by it. Would you do me the honor of... " Here a great heartrending outcry could be heard, as if the very heart of a young dwarf was being rent from his chest. Beryl was already shaking her head so hard her curls flung free in all directions, casting the defeated pins far and wide. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be real. He was supposed to love Wren, and propose to Wren! She nearly missed his closing words in her panic over her best friend's breaking heart. '...becoming my sister-son's wife?" She stopped herself so suddenly, she tilted a bit.
"What did you say?" Beryl was having a hard time keeping her feet. She felt maybe she'd misheard as well.
"Would you accept Fili's suit, even though the prat has not yet had wit enough to ask you?" Thorin's face was alight with mischief. She could now easily see where the prankster pair got theirs. Beryl allowed herself a moment to collect her own scattered wits, and regarded Thorin's high humor. He knew very well the scare he had just put her and his nephew through. Thorin regarded the discombobulated Beryl, and bellowed without losing her gaze. "Fili! Do you not think it time you spoke for yourself?"
From behind a wall of concerned Dwarves, Beryl's Blonde Scamp finally won free. His expression of unmitigated frustration met Thorin's cool smirk to no effect. "Spare me your outrages, young one. It would have been a year and a day before you'd have found your resolve to talk to her. Go. Walk with her, I'll expect to hear the resolution at supper." Thorin not unkindly pushed his nephew in Beryl's general direction. Her mind recovered, regarded her Scamp's discomfiture with some humor. She took his hesitant hand in hers, and headed for the relative peace of the Bee Pastures.
dearreader chapter 36 . Jul 27
Spiders coming? Hence the quote?
~Actually, I didn't think of that, and haven't had time to ask Katya. Maybe she did think of it. Nice catch. Makes the line even funnier. bwehehehee
LovesDragons chapter 36 . Jul 27
Wren is just wonderful.
Grow a pair and ask her Fili! Though I suppose I can't blame him for being nervous, what with almost everyone proposing already and she with a temper.
~well, guess what? Ta Da! And just wait, Wren may be more wonderful (or more devious) than you first thought. *hugs*
Thanks to all my reviewers *hugs* Next chapter is under construction, prepare for fluff! Mirkwood! Spiders! and whatever else my imagination insists. Okay, may not get as far as spiders, but definitely Mirkwood.