Author's Note: So apparently my muse decided to give me another one of those (yay!). This plot bunny was something I wanted to write for a long time, but I never knew exactly what I wanted to say, what story I wanted to tell. But now it happened, so here it is.
I suppose all of you have read my story my wildest dreaming could not foresee. For you who haven't (you don't need to in order to understand this – it makes sense on its own), Rachel leaves Ohio after Regionals in season 1 and disappears. Eight years after that, Jesse marries a fellow Broadway star –an extremely private, almost recluse actress named Rachel Caroline. This is a prequel (of sorts) to that story.
Disclaimer: After a long, long search, I've chosen Pink's and Nate Ruess' song Just Give Me A Reason and Five's You Make Me Wanna Be A Better Man as the tunes for this. There's also some dialogue from Glee's episode The Prom Queen that, considering their context and the context of this story, fit in quite nicely, even though I adapted it to make it more me. Glee belongs, as usual, to Ryan, Ian and Brad. And FOX.
Here, there, everywhere
#37 – to find the way back to your heart
Carmel might be one of the country's best and most elitist high schools, but it still was a high school and, thus, there were always those who were after the juiciest pieces of gossip and those who lived to spread it. In such an environment, it wasn't surprising that the news of school's star pupil 'having come to his senses' and coming back from a brief stint at monogamy in a public school spread around like fire.
If the news of Jesse's return (to Carmel and to singlehood) spread around like fire, his appearance at Carmel's senior prom with ex-girlfriend Rachel Berry glamorously hanging from his arm caused a tsunami.
When Jesse returned to Carmel about a week before the senior prom, girls started tripping all over themselves, trying to make clear to him that they would be glad to be his date to prom. Some were discrete about it, but most was blatant, a few leaving nothing to his imagination about what they hoped the night would entail.
Jesse, however, refused all 'invitations', stating he already had a date for the dance. Yes, he had invited her before coming back to Carmel. No, she wouldn't ditch him at the last possible second – it wasn't in her nature to break promises. Yes, it was a girl. No, she wouldn't shame him by showing up looking like a hick. No, he wouldn't change his mind about that. He then would turn his back on the inviter, chuckling at those who huffed at him and stormed away in a hissy fit of anger.
He was sure Rachel wouldn't leave him hanging, no matter how much he had fucked up with her by cracking that egg on her forehead a week ago. It just wasn't on her nature to be so vengeful. Oh, he didn't doubt Rachel was capable of avenging what he had done to her. She definitely was driven enough to do that if she set her mind to it. Such drive was Shelby's genes on her, he was sure of it. However, Hiram's innate sweetness and the tender nurture she had received from Leroy softened that edge, making Rachel a literally perfect mix of all of her parents' traits and, thus, an amazing creature in her own way.
Plus, Rachel herself had assured him they were still on to the dance. It was a call he would never forget.
It had been two days after the – after his mistake. Shelby had already let them go after rehearsal, but gave him a sad, understanding smile when he coldly told her he wanted to stay behind to go through the choreography again. He still hadn't forgiven her for the callous way she had dealt with her situation with Rachel, despite his warnings to be careful because he didn't want to see the pint-sized diva hurt.
"Make sure everything is off when you leave," she had told him as she affixed her purse's strap on her shoulder.
He snorted and shot her a look so icy it sent a shiver down his spine. "I'm not Alex," he replied, mentioning a Vocal Adrenaline junior who was famous for his forgetfulness about all matters except VA's routines and lyrics. "Good night," added the VA's lead icily as he turned his back on her and walked up the stage.
He busied himself with setting up the audio until he heard the door click softly behind her and, once he was alone, he heavily sat down on the stage, running his hands through his hair. How was it possible that even the Carmel auditorium, his most special place in Ohio, was full of memories of her, when she had stepped only once on it, having come to find him all those weeks ago when they had first started dating?
Sighing, he tiredly rubbed his eyes and fell down on his back on the stage floor. Truth was, he didn't need to rehearse for Regionals. He knew he was at his prime where their performance was concerned, but he didn't want to go home either. He had gotten used to the comings and goings of his aunt and uncle's house, of the constant stream of noise of Rachel's cozy home, so the silence of his parents' mausoleum-like manor was stifling.
He was about to start his usual mental run-through of his doomed affair with Rachel (something he had taken to do since their egg-induced breakup), when his phone let out a tinny sound he wasn't expecting to hear from it ever again. The first notes of Hello began playing, and he shot up like a rocket, rushing to where he had dropped his bag earlier. Pulling his phone out of it, he blinked in hopeful disbelief as My Wendla flashed on the small screen.
Snapping out of his stunned daze, he accepted the call. "Rachel?" He asked cautiously after a few moments of heavily-laden silence.
"Hey, Jesse," Rachel said softly, her voice small and quiet. "Are you… Are you busy?"
"No, no!" He rushed to reassure her, sitting back down on the stage floor. "I'm not busy. What… What do you want?"
She didn't reply for so long Jesse pulled the phone back to see if the call was still connected. But when she finally spoke, her words felt like a bomb to him.
"I just wanted to tell you I'm still on to prom. If you want to, that is."
His jaw dropped open, and he stifled a stunned gasp. His half-dead heart began thumping with renewed vigor, until caution screamed in his mind to be careful. "What's the catch?"
"No catch," she assured him, an edge of irritation in her voice. "I promised you we'd go and I intend to keep it." There was another pause, and then, "Unless, of course, you've already found a new date. I should have thought about this sooner. Forget I even called. I'm sorry I wasted your time and mine, Jesse-"
"I haven't found a new date, so – I'll pick you up next Friday at seven," he hurried to interrupt her before she hung up on him. "What color is your dress?"
When the limo parked in front of her house, Jesse felt the need to take a deep breath before making his way to the front door. He had told Rachel, when they first sang their hellos, that he used to get nervous, and he would never admit it aloud, but he had struggled with his nerves all that week. Part of him feared Rachel had been lying when she had said there was no catch to her being his date to Carmel's prom and Puck and Mike and Matt were waiting for him behind the door, ready to kick his ass like he knew he deserved and was expecting to happen since the egg incident.
He slowly made his way to the Berry's residence's front door but, before he could knock at it, it opened, revealing Leroy Berry's serious face. "Good evening, Jesse," the darker man said chillily, and Jesse straightened his spine.
"Good evening, Mr. Berry." It felt weird to address Leroy so formally when the other man had asked him to call him by the name just a handful of weeks ago. "Is Rachel ready?"
Leroy nodded and stepped aside, letting Jesse walk in the house. "She's upstairs with Hiram, he's fussing over something in her hair." The darker man rolled his eyes and turned to the stairs to holler, "She's perfect and Jesse's here, so please – please – just come down already!"
The teen bit back a grin at Leroy's antics, and busied himself with making sure the corsage he had bought Rachel earlier that day was still in perfectly pristine condition. She had told him the color of her dress – light sea green – and he had chosen a creamy beige flower in order not to clash with either the dress or the shade of her skin.
It was one thing, though, to hear her description of the dress, and another totally different to see the dress, in person, on her. The dress had a halter top, with lace on the bust and on the back (which he saw when she gave a little twirl, giggling at something her dad said), and dark green rocks embroidered on the bust, over the lace. When she made her way down the stairs, her long legs peeked out of the dress through a pair of slits that went up to her thigh, showing off the delicate strappy heels she had chosen as footwear.
Her long, dark hair had been loosely braided back, and a few rebel stranded had escaped, framing her beautiful face and displaying the smoky, dark makeup that made her large brown eyes pop. Her lips were glossy red, and golden glittered in her ears.
She was undoubtedly the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, and would easily be the most beautiful date on the Akron hotel where Carmel's prom would take place. Jesse couldn't help but let out a low, appreciative whistle as he approached her, his hand held out for hers. "You look…" He whispered, struggling with the adequate word to describe her. "Wow."
Rachel blushed and smiled shyly, and Leroy chuckled while Hiram wiped a stray tear. "Wow. You've made Jesse speechless, sweetheart," her African-American father teased, grinning. "I think that's a first."
"Actually," Jesse said as he cleared his throat and put Rachel's hand on his arm, "it's the second time. But the first was also her doing, so…"
"Really?" Rachel asked, blinking at him. "When?"
"Sectionals," he replied easily. "I thought you'd already deduced it."
She smiled at him, but he could see the sadness in her eyes, and it made his heart clench. The quietness lasted a beat too long, and Hiram smoothly broke it by producing his camera. "So, who is up for some prom pictures?" He asked, and it made Rachel brighten again, which in turn relaxed Jesse. The young (former) couple posed for several shots, and it was in much happier spirits that they made their way to where the limo patiently waited as Rachel's parents cheerfully waved from the door.
"I wonder," Leroy said as he and his husband closed the door behind them, after the limo sped away with Rachel and Jesse in it, "if that's the night they'll make up."
"Oh, I do hope so," Hiram replied as he digitally leafed through the pictures he had taken. "They're so in love with each other it'd be sickening if it wasn't so adorable." He stopped at one picture where Rachel was grinning at the camera, while Jesse watched her with a soft smile curling his lips and a tender look in his eyes, and he sighed. "If I hadn't forgiven him already for what he has done, I would just by looking at this picture," he declared.
Leroy chuckled and wrapped an arm around his husband's shoulders. "You're a hopeless romantic, did you know that?" He pressed a kiss to his cheek and sighed. "I do hope they kiss and make up, otherwise I'll have to tell my new boss I'm passing up on the job he offered me in California, and that can make me to be blackballed."
Hiram rubbed his cheek comfortingly against Leroy's shoulder. "Everything will be fine, you'll see." Turning the camera off, he smiled. "Who knows, maybe we just saw our daughter off with the man she's going to get married one day."
The ride to Akron was made in a slightly tense silence, but Rachel had yet to tear her hand from Jesse's, so he felt hopeful they could work this out. Immediately after he smashed the egg on her head he knew he had just made the most awful mistake in his entire life. He wanted to beg for her forgiveness, but back then everything had been a mess of rehearsals at Carmel and tears and silence at home, and there was no time left for him to make the way to Lima to apologize to her in person.
But now he had the chance to do so, and he couldn't find the words to do so. Taking a deep breath, though, he lifted her hand to his lips and, pressing a sweet kiss to it, whispered, "What I did to you is my one great regret."
Sitting stiffly by his side and feeling her blood start to boil with excitation, her skin tingling from where he had kissed it, she whispered, "It was weird, you know? One night you were whispering words of love to me when we were talking on the phone before going the bed, and the next morning you threw eggs on me."
His heart broke at the hidden pain in her voice, and hurried to reply, turning apologetic eyes to her. "I know. I know. It was stupid of me and I'm sorry. I traded love for a shot at a fourth consecutive National championship." He made a pause and then added, "The second I threw that egg on you I knew it was a bum deal." He shook his head slightly. "Even for a first, it was a maybe, but for a fourth… No way." The VA lead took a deep breath and added quietly, "But I've decided tonight is my opportunity to make amends. So, if after tonight you decide you don't want me back, then I'll respect it and stay away."
Rachel took a moment to consider what he was offering, and then hesitantly nodded. She would be lying if she said the idea of him apologizing to her and fighting to win her wasn't appealing to her romantic side at all. Jesse was the second boyfriend who apologized to her for his bad deeds to her, the first having been Noah, but he was the only one who fought for her after their breakup. Noah hadn't fought for her at all, and Finn had only wanted her back when she was taken.
Plus, she loved him. God help her, but she still loved him and still wanted to be with him.
So, she nodded, slowly, and grinned hesitantly at the way Jesse considerably brightened up.
From then on, Jesse behaved like the perfect gentleman. Their entrance in the ball room of the Hilton Hotel in Akron was greeted by stunned silence, replaced seconds later by gossipy buzzing. Jesse proudly had Rachel's hand on his arm and pulled her chair for her once they arrived in their reserved table. As he pushed her chair after she sat down, he caught sight of Giselle furiously storming her way to them, but a glare from him and Shelby's timely interruption saved Rachel from the temper tantrum Vocal Adrenaline's occasional female lead would surely throw.
They ate and talked in comfortable quietness when a slow song from Pink began to play and Jesse, taking a deep, fortifying breath, stood up, holding out his hand to her. "Would you give me the honor of a dance, Ms. Berry?"
A shy smile appeared on her face and she nodded, putting her slim hand against his. "I'd love to, Mr. St. James."
With entwined fingers, they made their way to the dance floor, where other couples already were, swaying gently to the soft beat of the song. A handful was making out passionately, and Jesse chuckled as he saw Chris and Andrea sneaking their way out of the ballroom, undoubtedly to find a room for them to… enjoy each other's company… more privately. He felt pleased for Chris, who had been hitting on Andy for nearly two years now. They both were going to North Carolina, so maybe that night marked a new stage in their relationship as well.
His musings were interrupted by Rachel's soft voice in her ear. She had begun to softly sing along to the song, and his heart broke at the sadness in her tone.
Right from the start, you were a thief
You stole my heart, and I, your willing victim.
I let you see the part of me that weren't all that pretty
And with every touch you fixed them
Now you've been talking in your sleep, oh, oh
Things you've never said to me, oh, oh
Tell me that you've had enough of our love
Our love, oh, oh
She leaned away from him just a little bit, enough for him to see the moisture that sparkled in her eyes, and impulsively he pressed her forehead against hers, closing his eyes and breathing deeply to keep himself from crying. He felt her hands tighten the fabric of his tux where she had placed them when they first began dancing, and then she whispered the next part of the song.
Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again
It's in the stars, it's been written in the scars of our hearts
We're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again
His hand wrapped more firmly around her waist, pulling her even closer to his body. She still grasped desperately at his coat and her voice grew thicker with the tears she somehow had kept from falling, and he pressed a kiss to the tender skin of her neck that made her shiver, whispering frantic apologies against the thrumming pulse at the base.
The song changed and he blinked at the new tune. It was something old, from the nineties if he wasn't mistaken, but it was brilliant for him to sing to her. Making a mental note to thank the hired DJ sometime that night, he pressed his cheek against hers and began singing quietly in her ear.
There's something about your eyes that makes me search my soul
They make me try to realize I'm trying to be a better man
You've gotta know what on my mind
I will give you all my time
I feel for you, baby, yes, I do – all I want is you.
Rachel pulled away again, watching him with searching eyes, looking into his as if she wanted to read into your soul. Whatever it was that she was looking for in there, she must have found, because she gave him a timid, but brilliant smile, and threw her body firmly against him, squeezing him in a tight, overjoyed hug. Grinning, he hugged her back, but carried on singing.
And when I search my soul I'll find a better place to be around
I'm trying to tell you what's on my mind
But will I make it through in time?
And when I search my soul I'll find
You make me wanna be, yeah, a better man.
Jesse then stepped away from Rachel, his hand still holding tightly to hers, and twirled her, pulling her back to rest against his chest as she laughed. His arms rested possessively on her waist, his warm hands pressing against her soft belly, and they swayed together as he carried on with his song, quietly, just for her ears.
I've never felt so in love, the way I feel when you touch
Although it doesn't sound that much
All I have to do is look in your eyes
You've gotta know what's on my mind
I will give you all my time
I feel for you, baby, yes, I do – all I want is you.
Grinning at her giggles, he let go of her, pulled her back to his body and dipped her, which made her squeal in laughter. Instinctively, her leg found its way to around his hip when he straightened her, and they grinned at each other, his hand resting safely and protectively low on her ass, keeping her from flashing something she didn't want the others to see. Jesse reached the bridge of the song, his lips pressed against her skin.
I wanna take you higher, I wanna reach for the sky
I wanna show you fire, I'll never tell you goodbye
I wanna take you higher, I wanna reach for the sky
I wanna show you fire, I'll never tell you goodbye
You are on my mind
She kissed him. How could she not? He had just told (sung) her everything she had to know. Yes, he had made a mistake, but so had she. They both had horribly hurt each other, but still they loved each other like crazy. He was still everything she had ever wanted in a man and thought she had found in Finn, only to realize she hadn't, and the thought that she had come very close to losing the real deal was enough to add an edge of despair to her kiss.
He kissed her back with equal fervor. Her kiss dripped of love, of passion and – oh, the relief! – of forgiveness. He had never thought he would find a woman so perfect to him, not so young, not in Ohio. But he had, and yes, she had broken the heart she had just awakened in him, but so had he. Still, she had found in her the ability to forgive him after his monumental screw-up, and he would never, in his life, take that for granted.
"I love you," he whispered, and she grinned, her heart swelling at the sparkle in his also tear-filled gaze. "I love you so fucking much, Rach. And I'm sorry. I'll spend forever making up for that if I have to."
But she shook her head, her hands cupping his cheek. "You don't. You made a mistake, so did I when I triple-casted you. So let's just allow those mistakes to even each other out and move on. Okay?"
"Okay," he breathed out. Clinging tightly to her, he whispered, "God, I don't want to leave you. Ever. Not even for LA."
She grinned mischievously at him. "Well…" She drawled, eyes sparkling with happiness. "Isn't it an amazing thing that you won't have to?"
Confused, the VA lead blinked at his girlfriend (and it felt amazing to call and think of her that way, again). "What do you mean?"
Rachel grinned. "Let's get back to the table and then I'll tell you."
"No," his arms wrapped around her waist possessively. "I don't wanna. So tell me here, now."
He sounded like such a little spoiled boy that Rachel had to laugh. Pressing her lips against his again, she broke the kiss with a loud smack, and then explained, grinning. "Dad's gotten a new job."
The sparkle in her eyes and the joy in her smile made him curious. "He has?" What did Leroy's new job have to do with their issue?
She nodded. "He has. And guess where it is?"
Little by little it began to dawn on him, and his lips curled in an ecstatic but disbelieving smile. "It isn't…"
The New Directions female lead giggled. "It is! It's in California and we have to move there in about four weeks."
He laughed out loud. "What a coincidence! I move to California in four weeks!" Suddenly, he grew serious and, clinging to both of her hands, dropped to a knee in front of her.
Her stunned gasp echoed in the ballroom, and all of a sudden silence had fallen in the luxurious space, a single spotlight illuminating them. Jesse was grinning so hopefully that it made Rachel's heart race in anxiety. "Rachel Barbara Berry," he enunciated clearly, "you are the love of my life. I want to spend forever making sure you know how much I adore you." He shoved his hand in one of his pockets; when he pulled it out, he opened it and a simple, elegant rose gold ring glinted on his palm. "I'm not proposing – yet – so all of you can just relax." He said out loud with a knowing smirk to the crowd of teenage bodies. "But I want you to have this ring – my ring – as a sign of my commitment and of how much you mean to me. So… Will you be mine?"
"Yes," she breathed out, her eyes overflowing with touched moisture. "Yes, yes, yes! Of course I will!" She pulled him up and threw herself at him, peppering kisses all over his beautiful face. Both had grins so wide that some felt their faces would split up in two.
The room went back to its normal pace, a handful of girls staring or glaring enviously at Rachel, but neither she, nor Jesse cared. After slipping his ring in her right hand, they were swaying together, clinging to each other and lost in their own little world. The way it had been, was and would always be, from then on.