Second to last chapter guys!

I know things seem really confusing right now, or I assume they are. I'm not really sure because no one has really reviewed, but I am just guessing that everyone is going to freak out over the ending of this chapter, and probably the next one to, and my answer to that is to just wait until I explain everything in the end.

Reminder to listen to Florence + the Machine's song Oueen of Peace while reading this chapter if you want.

And, concerning my other Divergent stories, I might be updating Darkness soon, but there will be a big jump in time. After the central conflict was resolved, I was planning on having a bunch of filler chapters in between to span the time until the next plot point was introduced. But I am just going to skip all the filler and jump straight into the action, and this time I already have most of the chapters written, so they are going to be a lot longer and higher in quality than these chapters. As for Stuck, I am not planning on continuing that story. With all my other stories, I had already created intricate plots from beginning to end for them, but for Stuck, I just kind of started writing it with no plan or plot, just taking it chapter by chapter. I really had no idea whatsoever of how to continue it after that point, and I don't plan on coming up with anything. And there is no way in hell All I Hear is Nothing is going to be completed. Sorry if you liked that story, but I haven't updated it in like three years. You all should have lost hope a long time ago.

I cannot wait to get this story over with. I have never finished a story before. And yeah, I know this is a piss poor attempt at an ending, but I don't care.

CHAPTER 35

I sit shoved in the bathroom corner, in nothing but stained underwear, legs pulled to my chest, sniveling into my boney knees. The door is closed, the lights are on, and I can still Tobias breathing like he is only a few steps away. I try to be quiet, try to choke down my sobs so he won't come looking, try to figure out why the hell I keep finding myself in this situation.

I lost count of the days. I feel like I have been waking up to his smell on my skin for eternities. I'm sure I have spent years hiding in this bathroom, wide awake through the night, just waiting, counting down the minutes until the alarm goes off and the door unlocks so I can finally escape.

The medicine makes him sleep so soundly. Maybe it's the depression. He never wakes throughout the night, never stirs when I flea from the tangled sheets and seek shelter in the claustrophobic bathroom. Sometimes I use his shower to wash his smell off, spend hours scrubbing my skin red to rid myself of his touch. Sometimes use his mirror to stare at myself until I memorize every mark he has left on me. Sometimes I use his bath mat as a bed because I could never sleep on the same mattress whose creaks and squeaks haunt my memories.

I haven't spoken to Tobias in months. The only time I ever see him is at night when all the lights are off and we do not have time for talking. My days are spent avoiding him at all costs, hiding in my room, eating lunch in the bathrooms, arriving late to therapy sessions so I do not have to meet his eye. I wish that someone would notice. Every time a friend stops me in the hallway to ask where I have been, I always cower and lie, screaming from the inside out for them to just notice without words because I cannot speak them. I have lost all faith in the nurses who seem to ignore me and the fact that I sneak out of my room every night to Tobias's when I should have been caught punished for the act weeks ago.

Even after all of the empty hours I have spent wondering, I still have no answer for why I keep coming back. Each dawn, when the high of meds have worn off and there are no more for me to take, my mind is clear. The weight of everything comes crashing down on me, the snakes that slither under my skin awaken, and I can no longer breathe. And instead of dealing with the weight, I just break down and crumble under the world that perches on my shoulders, begging for the sweet smog of intoxication so I won't have to think any longer.

Then I remember that Tobias always brings his meds to his room after meals. When I found that out, I was ecstatic. He said that he didn't like taking them in front of other people. I was just glad that he had an awful memory and always forgot to take them. Cups of them were scattered around his room, stuffed into his cabinet, thrown into his trashcan. That why I kept coming back in the first place. The lure of eternal numbness was undeniable. I could never find enough meds on my own, but the fact that they were just lying around, untaken in his room was like fate. But as the days went on, I realized that the meds made me lose control. I thought I was making the conscious decision to go to his room each night, but I often found myself there even if I had chosen not to go. I never remembered the nights, never remembered leaving my room, never remembered wanting to stay.

That was when I realized that I had no control. There was a different girl in my skin when the pills went down that ran on urge and desire. It was a girl addicted to the touch of others, to the feel of skin on skin, a girl lecherous and sensual in a way I never was. I was a double sided coin, each face so different but part of the same body, one side completely independent of the other, out of any control. The revelation was enough to scare me away from pills for a few hours at the most.

But when I hear Tobias stirring from sleep, the fear of facing him alone is enough to overpower all else. I dig the pills out of the bottom of the trashcan I had been staring down for hours without a second thought. It was more than I had ever had before, a whole pile in my palm. I do not have time to sort out the bad ones. Morning was almost here. I stuff them all into my mouth, sticking my head under the spout to drown them all with water, sobbing all the same. I scrub the tears free from my cheeks, smoothing down my greasy hair, trying to look presentable in a way a dead girl just can't do.

And I went out there and slid back under the covers like I had never left, smiling when Tobias turned over with a sleepy yawn and looked at me like I shone brighter than the sun and the stars combined. And when he asked me how I was I grinned back and said that I was fine, that I was great, that I was the happiest girl in the world.

And when I collapsed in the cafeteria an hour later, I was so happy that I was finally free.

DISCLAIMER: This story is purely fiction, but it deals with very real issues that occur in this world all the time. I really don't want you to read this story and think that any of the things these characters do, especially Tris, are okay. Self-harm and substance abuse are in no way good ways to deal with any problem. If you have a problem that prohibits you from living your life normally, then don't hesitate to see a therapist about it. Therapists are nothing like the ones portrayed in this story. They are very nice and understanding. And you will in no way get locked up in a mental hospital, ever. The elements of this story are extremely exaggerated, and completely fictional. THIS STORY IS NOT A RELIABLE RESOURSE FOR ANYTHING. DO NOT LISTEN TO IT. IT IS JUST A STORY.

And as always, please don't forget to review.