Chapters 36
The next morning was freezing cold a bitter wind had shown up during the night leaving the windows white with ice and snow! It was of course another day of classes and this day they would be spending two classes out in the cold. Lily didn't think she'd ever warm up from this and was more willing to stay in bed. Lily pulled her blankets up over her head trying to keep as much warmth in with her as possible.
"Hey Lily, we have to go now. You'll miss breakfast if you keep hiding under there."
"At least I'll stay warm Mary, it's like ice out there." Lily told her as she peek her face out from the covers.
Mary laughed, "It is ice out there." Mary walked to the door to leave the room. "I'll see you down there if you can muster the energy to get out of bed."
Lily lay for a while in her warm bed; she knew though that if she was to brace the chilling cold winds and snow outside she'd do better with hot food inside. Lily reluctantly made her way out of bed and dressed.
Lily said her usual good mornings to the pictures as she walked down stairs to the Great Hall.
Lily looked around the Great Hall then looked up and down the Gryffindor table; James was wedged between Sirius and Remus with Peter across from them. Besides him were other boys they all seemed to be talking fast at once.
Lily buried the feelings of pain at the sight of James showing no interest in her showing up or saving a place next to him. Lily did get to wonder what was going on with the boys. Lily looked though the girls were all talking quickly and it wasn't just the Gryffindor table but all four-house tables were in full throttle gossip.
Lily sat down near the end of the table listening to what others were saying, so as to be up to speed on the gossip around here.
"I can't believe he did this."
"I want to know who would with him?"
"It seems so weird that he'd deny it, when the baby has his eyes."
"I know who else has those black eyes around here."
That was all people seemed to be talking about, her baby with Severus. Lily chances a look at Snape across the hall. He looked as though he might murder the next person who talks to him.
Snape turned to glare at a boy passing by. Lily was stunned when he yelled since he was usually so quiet.
"GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, IT'S NOT MINE!"
Snape had stood up and stormed out without finishing his meal, he glared at everyone who looked at him.
Lily looked scared; it was her fault for showing off the picture of their child that Snape had no knowledge of.
Lily stood up and waved her hand frantically for attention. She hoped this would take the heat off of Severus and stop the talking.
"Hello people get over it, the baby belongs to a friend of mine from the States; it's not a big deal so stop making it one!" Lily sat back down and pulled some hot oatmeal toward her. Lily sprinkled a bit of brown sugar on the oatmeal before digging in to it.
The others were all watching her eating as though nothing more had happen then someone spilling some sugar off the table.
After the table was almost completely empty of food and the kids all leaving for their morning classes, Professor McGonagall bustled over to where Lily was sitting.
"Lily dear, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office, if you could please head there now."
Professor McGonagall walked off toward the halls and to her class.
Lily watched her walking away then turned too looked up at the teachers' table. Dumbledore was sitting there with his fingers laced together watching the room, although Lily had the feeling he was watching her. Lily nodded and stood up. Lily walked toward the doors and out before anyone could stop and ask her what was going on with her and was she in trouble.
Lily waiting for only a few minutes before Dumbledore had shown up and spoke the password (chocolate frogs) to the Gargoyle who sprung aside, letting them both enter the space where the revolving staircase glided upward.
Dumbledore sat behind his desk while Lily sat on the chair nearest Fawkes. (It would one day be the chair her son would occupy when he had to visit the headmaster's office in the future. It was also the one that Severus and James used when they too visited the headmasters office. It seemed to be a favorite chair of theirs without them even knowing it.)
Dumbledore smiled serenely at Lily who tried to return the smile but had the feeling something dreadful was going to happen.
"I assumed you have received a letter and photo of little Severus Evans."
Dumbledore went right to the point.
"I….. Yes I have, yesterdays owl post brought it to me." Lily smiled feeling as though maybe she should have had less brown sugar on her oatmeal since it was turning to lead now. "I didn't realize what was going to happen when I showed the picture to a few people. He really does have his daddy's eyes though." Lily seemed to be pleading for him to understand that showing off the picture was something she couldn't help but do.
"I understand Lily. Maybe though, you'd like to tell him the truth. It might make him feel more at ease, with people hounding him about the baby's resemblance to him."
Lily bowed her head at this; she felt a tremble coming up on her now.
"I wanted too, I really did." Lily gripped her hands tightly to keep from crying. "I went to see him but he…" Lily drew in some air, before trying to talk again. "He showed me something that…. I just, can't accept… not now…. I wanted him to know though if he just hadn't." Lily shook her head unable to go on.
"He has joined the Death Eaters hasn't he?" Dumbledore asked her gently fearing that his assumption was true.
Lily's anguished sob told him everything he needed to know.
"Lily, it's ok to love him, even though he has made some bad choices. I know deep down he is a good young man and he loves you. One day you'll see this and be able to forgive his slip in judgment." Dumbledore leaned closer to her over his desk. "Maybe one day you can tell him about his son, he does have the right to know and I believe it would thrill him to know how much your love for each other had brought a truly beautiful miracle about."
Lily looked up at him her eyes puffy and red.
"Your right Professor Dumbledore, and if I ever get the chance to tell him I will. I just hope he doesn't hate me for not telling him sooner." Lily smiled sadly. "I just hope he doesn't hate me now?"
"I believe you are worried for nothing, he will not hate you for keeping it quiet from him. He will be to over come with joy to care. He will also understand that you felt it was best for the baby considering his choices of late."
"Thank you Professor Dumbledore." Lily stood up and walked over to the door opening it. "Err would you like to see the picture?"
"Yes I believe I would." He told her with a twinkle in his sparkling blue eyes.
Lily chuckled at his choice of words. "I'll bring it with me to dinner and show you."
Lily left the office and made her way to the front doors and out into the cold ground. Lily walked over to Professor Kettleburn and told him she had been up in Professor Dumbledore's office and that was why she was late to class.
He nodded. "It's perfectly fine, dear, we have some flame salamanders. Why not gather some wood and throw it on the fire to watch them run around on the sticks and logs, they do so love it."
Lily nodded and walked off to find some wood. Lily had gathered a large armload and walked back to the fire where it had now grown into a large bon fire with everyone throwing in more wood and laughing at the salamanders.
Lily dropped her bundle then threw a few pieces into the fire. It was fascinating to watch them run over to a fresh stick and watch them move along with the flame as it engulfed the new piece. Lily grabbed up a longer stick and held it to the fire so that the salamander crawled onto the stick and walked slowly toward her hand. Lily was fascinated not only with the fire but with the salamander.
"Lily, are you in trouble?" Mary asked her as she walked to where she was standing still holding the flaming stick, with only a few hands widths left to hold it.
"Trouble," Lily asked in surprise.
Mary smiled. "We were just worried that something might have happened; we weren't sure since you had taken so long to show up here."
"No it's nothing I'm fine." Lily giggled softly hoping it would sound normal and that her eyes were no longer red and puffy.
Lily glanced over at James who was busy tossing a flaming stick back and forth with Sirius and Remus, to see who could keep from getting burned the longest.
"Boys are so weird." Lily muttered to Mary who had to agree as they watched the boys playing. Lily tossed her stick into the fire then started to toss the rest in. Lily was happy to stand there keeping warm while watching the others throw in more wood while the boys tried to get more daring with the fire and salamanders.
After the class ended they all trooped over to the greenhouses. Lily walked behind the others; she wasn't sure how to feel right now, James and his mates had not talked to her, Snape refused to look at her. Lily smiled and talked cheerily to the girls who didn't seem, to notice anything different about her.
This class went well the teachers had seemed to think that the bitter cold should be combated with warm or hot type of activities.
They were to repot some small heated plants that had flame red leaves that ranged from warm to hot to the touch. It was rather fun but difficult to grab them up, with out the hands becoming to warm and having to drop the plant on the table they were working at.
Lily laughed with the other girls as they tried to push in dirt and dragon fertilizer in with the plants as the leaves turn the backs of their hands red.
Class ended on a good note and they were very happy to head back to the castle and find places to sit in the Great Hall for some hot food. Lily had walked ahead of the boys this time wondering if they would sit with her or not. She found a place to sit and wait to see what they would do. Lily looked at the double doors that led into the Great Hall waiting for them to come in. Lily smiled slightly as the boys came in all talking and joking. The boys though all sat down at the other end of the table away from her. Lily felt her smile slip off her face she turned her attention back to her stew, which seemed to have lost its appeal now. Lily looked over to see Snape walking by the tables to his house table; he too kept his face averted. Lily looked sadly at her food; she had lost her appetite now.
Lily looked around no one seemed to notice that she was looking depressed. Lily stood up and walked as quietly as she could to the doors and left the Great Hall and walked to her next class.
Lily never saw two young men watching her sadly as she walked out with her head down and looking as though she didn't want to be noticed by anyone.
"Lily." Snape said so soft no one heard him with the commotions going on around him. He turned his attention to his friends who started talking about their potion and where they had gone wrong with it and would he be able to help them tonight. "Sure no problems guys that's a easy one to work on." He told them smiling softly his heart breaking for the girl he loved.
"James, why not go and talk to her, a fight can't be that bad." Lupin told him softly. James just watched the doors. He looked heart broken. Sirius was watching them from his side of the table with Peter who was shoveling the food in.
"Yeah I guess." James had not told them they had not been fighting that he was feeling childish and insecure because she had a connection to a guy he hated that he himself did not have with her. James smiled and went back to his food, acting as though nothing had happen. He didn't want his mates to know his heart was breaking in childish fear that he was losing Lily some how because he didn't share with her what Severus did.
Remus shook his head and bit back the retort he wanted to throw at James. Remus also withheld the strong desire to punch James in the nose.
The day went slowly for Lily as she felt as though she was going through the day as if she was mired in thick deep molasses. Lily was glad when the time came and she went up to the common room, after her last class. Lily opened her diary that was spelled so only she could open it. Lily pulled out the picture and walked back down to the Great Hall. Lily walked timidly up to the teachers' table and walked around to where professor Dumbledore was sitting. Lily handed him the picture he smiled enormously at the baby who was giggling and wiggling in the blankets.
McGonagall leaned over as Dumbledore showed her the picture. McGonagall took the picture to show it to Madam Pomfrey who had to use her hand to stifle a sniffle as her eyes filled with tears. Lily could feel the eyes of every student on her as she talked to the teachers. Lily took the picture back and walked back down the hall, trying to keep her face neutral as she walked out the Great Hall. Lily headed to the kitchen and ate her dinner there, the elves were always happy to see her and feed her lots of food. Lily showed the picture off to them, they were thrilled.
Lily waited in the kitchen until it had grown quite late and left but not before the elves loaded her arms with pastries of different kinds. Lily made her way to the common room as quietly as she could. She was half way there when a voice spoke up behind her.
"So why did you spend so much time in the kitchen?"
Lily turned to see James standing there in the shadows.
"How," Lily asked softly her eyes wide open.
"I have my ways, although it took a while to think of it." James was shaking his head gently as though wondering why something took so long to think of the obvious answer.
"What's that?" Lily asked. She felt better that he came to find her and some how knew where to look for her.
"Sorry Evans, secrets a guys gotta have secrets." He told her glad to use that back on her.
Lily grinned at him. "Even, from me?" She asked innocently.
James burst into laughter as he flung his arm around her shoulder. "Come on lets get you to the common room." James eyes all the sweets in her arms. "And help you with that too."
Lily laughed her self it felt good, it seemed she had finally been forgiven for having a son.
"I don't know I wouldn't want to be responsible for you getting sick from all this."
James pulled her closer as they walked. "Take more then that love."
Lily blushed as she tried to get even closer as they walked down the hall.