The bullet lodged right in her chest. Two more followed before Rick's goons charged her.
Time grew to a standstill as Sera's mind and body naturally reacted to the battle. She dodged bullets and knives as she deftly dashed between the six gangsters. If these were ghouls then there wouldn't be a problem, but Seras didn't want to kill any of them.
She was dimly aware that a knife had been lodged into her side. The steel blade might as well have been a toothpick for all the damage it could cause her. In a second she broke the arm that wielded the blade before moving on to the next attacker.
Fear drove Seras to move at lightning speed. Any moment someone could hear the commotion. Any moment a stray bullet could kill someone.
Again and again bones snapped and flesh was parted. In less than a minute Seras was the only one left standing. Two of the gangsters, with broken bones and battered bodies crawled away. Their fear overcame their pain and it wasn't long before they had gone out of sight. Three more bodies lay on the ground. Alive but unconscious. But where was their leader?
"What the fuck are you!?" a voice thick with fear came from behind her.
Seras turned to see their leader, Rick, collapsed onto the ground, his eyes wide with terror. With her enhanced senses Seras could hear his heart racing, make out the drops of cold sweat running down his neck and the trembling throughout his body. He backed up against one of the brick walls, clinging to his revolver with a death grip so strong his knuckles turned white. The constant click of the gun did nothing to stop him from desperately pulling the trigger.
"Get away from me you freak!" his voice cracked with fear as the gangster's muddled mind was able to comprehend that he had no more ammo. The gun fell from his loose grip and clanked silently fell into the snow. His eyes darted back and forth, looking for some sort of escape.
Instead they found Newt. Before either Seras or Newt could react Rick reached out and pulled Newt to him. Even with his left hand broken, Rick was able to wrap both his arms around Newt, holding her tightly like a human shield.
"Don't come any closer!" He was almost screaming. "Or I'll kill the fucking girl!"
As if to prove his point he began to choke Newt with his good hand. Seras froze as she saw the girl struggling to breathe. Raised her hands and took a step back.
"Okay. Okay" Her mind desperately tried to remember hostage negotiation training. Anything useful from a class taken a lifetime ago. "I get it. You're scared. I would be to."
Scared was an understatement. Rick was completely unhinged from reality. Any moment now Newt could suffocate, if he didn't snap her neck first.
"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Tears ran freely down his eyes as he tightened his grip on Newt.
"Get away from me you freak!" His voice cracked from fear and Newt winced as he tightened his grip again.
"Kill…him" Newt could barely speak now.
Seras was torn. She could save Newt but that would mean killing the gangster. The seconds felt like an eternity as Seras' mind raced.
Maybe if I let him go he'll spare Newt.
It was a desperate voice inside of her. Always hoping for the best, seeing the best in people. Alucard had said it was weakness, that she should start acting like a proper vampire. Newt's eyes rolled back into her head and the girl's small frame shuddered as she lost consciousness. That was what drove Seras to action. A split second later there was a flash of movement and the wall was drenched with blood. Rick's arm fell to the ground, his shoulder reduced to a bloody stump.
Seras tried to block out his howls of pain. She tried not to think about what she'd just done. She had never killed a human being before, never taken a mortal life. She'd just crossed a line, and she could feel it weigh down on her soul. She wanted to avert her eyes but instead she could only stare as the man pitifully writhed in a puddle of his own blood. His bone jutted out from a stump of torn flesh, and she could see in his eyes he knew he was going to die.
And he was afraid.
A thankful distraction came as Newt gasped to get her air back. The girl recovered quickly. Almost too quickly, before turning to Seras. She stood back up and made eye contact with Seras. Her eyes showed no signs of gratitude for what Seras had just done. There was no sympathy for how Seras felt. Instead, Newt said two words.
"Kill him."
Newt's nonchalance shocked Seras. True, she had known the girl lacked empathy and had spent who knew how long amongst the Masters, but the way she spoke was…terrifying. Alucard had taken a thrill in the kill, Alexander Anderson had focused his righteous fury in his kills. Even Seras, when she'd fought the Nazi's had been driven with a sense of duty and a need to protect others. But as Newt spoke there was absolutely nothing. No drive, no regret, no anger; death and killing were as common to Newt as breathing.
You wanted this to happen. You wanted me to kill him.
The realization hurt. Newt had manipulated Seras into killing this man, but before Seras could speak a surge of pain washed over her body. She examined her wounds. Various cuts, stab wounds and bullets cut through her clothing and into her body. Already they were starting to heal, but as the flesh rejoined and the skin grew back there was something wrong.
It was like at the pub, but far worse. The process was painfully slow, and it sapped Seras of her remaining strength. Weeks of starvation and overexertion struck her with a vengeance as a sudden wave of dizziness forced Seras to her knees. She forced her head up and was met by Newt's cold gaze.
"You're hurt badly." Newt gestured towards the dying man. "You'll need to feed from him."
"I won't…" Seras muttered. But despite her words she could feel her fangs extend just at the thought of blood. "Hasn't he suffered enough?"
Newt frowned, like a teacher who was disappointed by a student. It looked out of place on a twelve year old girl, but then Newt was anything but a normal girl.
"Do you believe in God, Seras?" She asked after a moment of thought.
Newt's words barely registered to Seras. Why, as a man stood dying mere feet from them, and Seras was in so much pain did she suddenly want to talk?
"Do you believe in God, Seras?" Newt asked again.
"What are you talking about?" Why was Newt asking this random question? The dizziness and weakness was making it hard to focus.
"God, heaven, the afterlife, do you believe in it?"
"Yes" Seras gasped out. Of course she did. "Why…why are you asking this, Newt?"
"Because you'll never see any of it" Newt's words were pitiless and harsh.
"What do you mean by…" Seras voice trailed off as realization dawned on her.
"You're a vampire, a monster" Newt was saying what Seras was thinking. "Compassion is pointless for you, because no matter what you do, no matter what sins you right, when you die you'll burn for eternity."
Newt was right. Somehow that realization was like cold water to Seras' mind, drowning out the pain and weakness. It was a truth, staring her right in the face that she'd refused to acknowledge. Why was she kind? Because it was right, because that's how she'd been raised, because Seras was a good person and good people do good things. But…as a vampire…that was pointless…
"God's abandoned you. You'll never see your family again, you think Hellsing saved you but the truth is they doomed your soul." Newt didn't let up. "Spare him or not, feed on him or not, it won't matter. You're going to burn in hell, and if you don't feed from him then it'll be sooner rather than –"
"Shut up!" Seras forced her eyes shut. She couldn't bear to see Newt's cold stare. "Stop, just stop!" Seras let her head sink back to the ground. "Why are you telling me this?"
Seras felt a hand on her shoulder.
"I don't enjoy this." For the first time there seemed to be a semblance of compassion in Newt's voice. Despite how cruel and manipulative the girl had been, Seras found herself believing Newt. "But you need to understand what you are."
I'm damned no matter what I do…
The hunger was growing and the blood had flowed to Seras hands. The warm juice flowed between her fingers and she looked up at the dying man. He was pale as a ghost, unable to move and barely conscious.
He's going to die anyway.
Rationalize it as much as she wanted, Seras was about to cross another line: To feed on an unwilling human. She crawled up to the man.
Rick, his name's Rick…
She crawled up to Rick, he could only watch as she brought her head down gently to his neck as if about to kiss it. She could smell the blood, feel the faint pulse through his skin and her body urged her to bite down and drink it in. It was so tempting to give in to the dark desire and lose herself in a haze of blood driven euphoria.
I'm so sorry…
Rick stared up at her with glazed eyes. He was no longer the intimidating gangster, but a scared little man. His white shirt was soaked in blood. Every breath he took was labored and it must have been a monumental effort just to fill his own lungs with air
Despite all the pain, and even as he was dying, as Seras finally gave into her monstrous urges he still managed to scream.
AN: I wanted to have Seras cross lines in this story, and killing a human was one of those lines. One of the reasons I felt dissatisfied with Hellsing was that Seras was supposed to have come to terms with being a vampire, without having really done any vampiric things (like feeding from a human or being treated like a monster). I also wanted to explore the more (for lack of a better term, and if you come up with one please let me know in a review) religious consequences of being a vampire. Namely, that she was doomed to Hell and would never see her family again.
While I didn't want to suggest that Seras was only good because she wanted to go to heaven, I think adding the dynamic that even God and the world was against her would put more pressure on her already rough situation.
I knew that in order for Seras to remain in character yet still feed on a human, she had to have everything going wrong for her. That's exactly what I tried to do to her here. Her friends have forsaken her, her home is in ruins, she is exhausted, suffering and wounded, she just came to terms with the fact that she'll never see her family again and there is literally a voice next to her telling her to feed on this man. Furthermore, the man is dying already so she can use that as justification in her mind.