Snakehead
37
"So we have Florida Buzzsaw Massacre, no, that's rated 'R', Teenage Witches..." Logan wondered about that, "Love is Wonderful..." Wanda stuck a finger down her throat and made a gagging noise, "Killer Mimes from Outer Space and Attack of The Fifty-Foot Mutant... I vote for the Mimes."
"As long as it's dark enough to kill Todd without anyone noticing." Wanda yawned.
"Aww, Sweetums..." He paled suddenly, "I mean, Wanda..."
She glared at him, "No pet names!"
He looked so pitiful with his huge, puppy-frog eyes, and he had cleaned up and even brushed his teeth.
Of course, she'd heard that his friends had literally dragged him kicking and screaming into the shower...
She sighed heavily.
"I'm getting soft in my old age."
"You're seventeen!"
Logan chuckled.
"Well, what do you kids say?"
"Killer Mimes From Outer Space!" Todd shouted.
"Oh Lord..." Wanda shook her head, this was going to be a long night.
...
Tom looked out the window, "I hope she doesn't hurt him too badly..."
Ray smiled, "I hope she starts dating Roberto... Or Scott..."
"They deserve it." Thomas agreed, "But maybe she has a heart in there, somewhere...Poor Todd..."
"Do you still have a headache?"
"I guess we found my Kryptonite. Electrical attacks. Ironic, isn't it, roomie?"
"Yeah. I'd hate to kill you, you're a lot of fun, kind of creepy, but a lot of fun." He laughed, "Poor Todd. It's funny, I always figured he'd end up with Kurt."
"Kurt?"
"Oh yeah, that's right, you only saw them fight once. Every battle was practically a wrestling match, with extra groping. One time Kurt pretty shamelessly grabbed Todd's- "
There was a knock at the door.
"Who is it?"
"It's me, Roberto!" An overly cheerful voice called through the door.
"Go away!" Ray shouted. He didn't want that jerk around, especially now.
Roberto leaned on the door, grinning, "Hey, why did Toad start yelling 'Rape!' after you two went into his room?"
Ray considered shooting a bolt through the door.
That little douche-bag!
Thomas smiled, "Why don't you come in here and find out!"
Ray face-palmed. Dear God, could this get any worse!?
Apparently yes.
Thomas walked over, opened the door and looked Roberto over thoughtfully, "Hmmm... You're not as cute as Todd, but... I guess you have potential."
Roberto's dark complexion paled considerably, on the one hand, he was enraged at being told that Toad was better looking than himself, on the other, he was being told this by another boy with a dubious reputation at best...
He settled for a quick retreat.
Ray was ready to scream...
"Do you have any idea what you've done? Now he's going to tell everyone that we're gay for Toad and for him!"
"He doesn't have a good case for you, Ray. Besides, he's probably so shook up that he won't want to talk to anyone about this..."
Ray moaned and shook his head, "Please, tell me the truth, are you trying to romance Toad? Are you gay?"
"No, but there's little so frightening to the average teenage boy as to have a guy hitting on him. Mind games." He pointed to his forehead, "If you're not strong, you have to think of ways to convince your opponent to leave you alone... Plus, it's fun. Freaking people out is one of my hobbies."
"And what if the guy you're playin' head games with decides to take you up on your offer?"
"Admittedly, it's not a perfect strategy," Thomas smiled, "Besides both Todd and Roberto have girlfriends..."
"That doesn't mean anything... I've always suspected that a certain womanizing jock we both hate actually plays for the other team."
"Summers!?"
...
As a dazed Roberto da Costa walked down the hallway, he saw Quentin Quire standing beside his door. The purple haired boy was wearing a Futurama T-shirt with a picture of Bender and the words 'Bite my Shiny Metal A**'. Quentin smiled at the shocked boy.
"Shut up, Quentin."
"I didn't say anything..." Quentin said innocently.
...
Todd debated the situation... All he had to do was yawn, stretch out his arm and put it around Wanda's shoulder.
The oldest trick in the book.
Unfortunately, she'd made it perfectly clear that if he touched her, she'd kill him in unspeakably horrible and humiliating ways...
Was it worth it?
A horrible death for a few seconds of contact with his beloved Schnookums...
He decided to go for it.
No Hex Bolts! No horrible pain surged through his tiny, fragile body!
His heart soared.
Than he remembered that Wolverine was sitting between them...
Logan eyed the mortified boy curiously as Wanda broke out laughing.
...
HELLCOW SIGHTED IN LANCASTER!
Shinobi Shaw looked up from the paper, "Hellcow?"
"She's a vampiric cow, Shinobi." Emma explained, "She's been terrorizing farms across the country."
"Vampire cows..." Shinobi shrugged, "It's a weird world."
"She seems to be working her way in our general direction..."
"Should we do something?"
Emma arched an elegant white brow, "I didn't think you cared about anybody else?"
"Can you imagine the great PR boost Shaw Industries would get by capturing Hellcow? Hell, we could use her as a mascot!"
"Nothing projects the image of a concerned, ethical company like a vampire cow..." Emma replied.
...
Wolverine smiled as he drove the young couple back to the mansion.
Toad was still breathing and his balls were still attached, so he assumed that it was a good date... Wanda hadn't tried to kill the boy once, though she'd made threats to do so several times. And Todd had behaved himself the best that a hormonally challenged, love-smitten little fool could.
Logan pitied the kid, he wasn't a bad kid, he just couldn't understand that Wanda might actually rather kill him slowly than kiss him.
Cupid had gone awry in this case, it seemed.
Of course, the way Wanda had spent her childhood probably made her about as sociable as Laura. Between her evil, lunatic father placing her in a mental institution and being turned into a mutant terrorist by her father's henchmen had to be bad for her mental state.
Wanda, Pietro, Todd, all The Brotherhood kids, that little nut Pyro, even Mystique. It seemed that everything Magneto touched he destroyed.
The man was a walking plague... And he'd very nearly destroyed the world with his stunt with Stryker.
...
"He's alive! And he can still walk!"
Cheers broke out as Todd and Wanda stepped out of the jeep. Wanda cringed as several boys came out to pat Todd on the back and congratulate him for his continued survival. Logan and Pietro had a bit of a stare down, so the speedster walked over to his sister and pulled her aside.
He couldn't very well kill Toad with Wolverine, Berzerker, Snakehead and Blob standing right next to him.
"So, what happened?"
"Dinner and a movie." She smirked, "He tried the old yawn and stretch trick, and ended up hugging Logan!"
The twins broke down in raucous laughter as the boys hurried Todd inside and away from either Maximoff.
"I almost feel sorry for the poor little troll..." Pietro snickered, "Like he has a chance in Hell..."
Wanda shrugged, but didn't reply.
Aside from his atrocious breath and poor hygiene, he could be a bit... Sweet... She could do worse, like Duncan Matthews, for instance. He was almost cute, in a way.
She shook her head, I must be losing my losing my freaking mind!
...
To be continued...
More screwing with people's minds. I'm sure it will come back to bite him one day...
Laura - X-23