(I rewrote this after it got deleted, so I'm sorry if it sounds rushed. Yes, poor Sachiko. Explanation at the end. She was just an amateur at the time... anyways, yes, made fun of Jamie Lynn Spears. This idiot goes on about 'teenage chastity', all the while screwing her boyfriend. Republican hypocrisy; the only moral teen sex is my sex. Anyways, in other news, GO READ THE DISASTER MORPH. Please? I want feedback... -pouts-
Or something. Argh. More songs. And has anyone noticed this entire fic is named after an Ozzy Osbourne song? NO? Really? Don't mind me, don't own. BTW, I'm working on a few oneshots, one involving the Wonder Pokemon, so no chapter updates for anything for a bit.)
After we got Harley dressed, (read: Wigglytuff threatened him to put on clothes that were not whorish), we got a phone call.
I picked it up, and asked, "Hello?" The phone buzzed, "Hi Lucy! It's me! How are you?" I almost dropped the phone in surprise. "Crash!?" I squawked. She laughed. "Yeah. What's up? You guys left the Grand Festival, and never said anything. Mom said you ditched us."
I detected a note of hurt in her voice. I felt bad for her; after all, her older brother had left ages ago, and she hadn't seen us 'till the Festival, and after THAT, we ditched here THERE, too.
Guiltily, I replied, "Um. We got called away on, like, League business." That did the trick. "HEY! FARIS! MY BROTHER'S MORE SPECIAL THAN YOU!" I'm sure Harley was thrilled to know.
Speaking of Harley, he flounced in, and announced, "It's Crash on the phone!" To no one in particular, snatched the phone away from me, and rasped, "Hey sweetie! How are you... has he been polite, young lady?"
She roared, "HE'S PERFECTLY POLITE! WE'VE ONLY KISSED ONCE!" That, out of anything she could have said, was maybe the third-worst thing she could have told her overprotective big brother.
"EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME!?" He caterwauled into the phone. I sighed, and decided to go upstairs to pack a bag for the both of us to head to Johto. Think of it this way, Harley; it was either you or Jamie Lynn Spears. Guess who she picked.
But he decided to sing, and I winced as I heard the lyrics. "Sister, my sister, what are you doing this for? You should not love one, another, since you're, like, ten! Sister, my sister, tell me how this fling began; will the insanity never end? Sister, my sister, what are you doing this for? Oh, can't we just pretend, this boy never ever came? Sister, my sister, you should not love one, another, since you're, like, ten!"
I rolled my eyes as I heard both Crash and Faris scream in phonespeak at him. I sighed, and checked the bags. Packed. So I could go avert the crisis. Whee.
"Harley, shut up and give me that!" I roared, and grabbed the phone.
"ANYway, we called to tell you we're going to the Battle Frontier. Carla wants to try her luck, and we can do Kanto Contests! Where are you going?" I sighed.
Well, I could tell her, but there was the whole, "Psycho Wonder Pokemon asked us to do it, so..." I simply said, "Johto." She gasped. "Cool. No one's been there for like, seven years. No one comes out alive!" I rolled my eyes.
Blame Gamefreak.
"Anyway, do you want to meet us at the Harbor to say goodbye?" I asked her. She breathed a sigh of relief. "Okay, yes! We're leaving too. So we'll see you there. Restrain Harley, else he'll probably kill Faris."
"True, that." I muttered, and hung up. I heard a sound like clothes being pulled out of an arranged state that took me a whole SONG to do. "HARLEY!" I roared, storming upstairs. He held my favorite shirt in the air; the one with Chococat on it.
"Dollface, dollface," He chided me. "Look, we both know that it will look better on me, so I'll give it back... later. After I wear it. Mine." My eye twitched. That was the ONE thing the Universe decreed someone never, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER say to a girl.
Especially if you've already pissed her off once for the day. I had had it. "Argh! GOJIRA!" I roared, reaching for the Tyranitar's pokeball. "KILL!" I screamed with all of my energy, and threw the pokeball.
Harley screamed like a lunatic, and rushed out. The Sand Dragon materialized, and destroyed the doorway in a quest for Harley. I giggled. "Die, bitch."
However, Gojira soon got bored, and tromped over to Oldale to destroy people, of which there was not many. Still, he got a roaring destructive force going.
As I went down to gather the others, I heard the news bleating about someone's maniac Tyranitar. Wonder who's it was?
"In other news, a solitary Tyranitar has slaughtered the entire town of Oldale, but since it really had nothing going for it, no one really cares. We need more news. Anyways, about one hundred dead, and over fifty thousand square miles destroyed. Ha, losers. Anyways... ehem. We are very sorry for this awful tragedy. The Tyranitar was not found."
I sighed. Looking out the window, I noted Gojira happily sitting in the backyard, munching on a human leg. "That's a bad Gojira." I scolded halfheartedly. He growled cheerfully, and proceeded to finish the leg...
That was apparently attached to another human being. Who screamed for a minute, before being finished off.
So it goes.
"Funny," Harley remarked, apparently ignorant of the chaos meant for him, "He destroyed an entire small town, killed about a hundred people, and is now eating a human being, yet no one cares. We don't even get jail time. Funny, that."
I shrugged. "It's the Wigglytuff Factor. Look at all the people HE killed." Harley nodded his head sagely. "Anyways, we have to go. Where are May and Drew?" In their own bubble of happiness, made from the endless Contestshipping stories! YAY!
I halfheartedly kicked the bubble, and let them sit in the real world, where IC-ness reigned, and people, you know, died. Or broke up.
Sachiko was sitting on the porch, counting money. "I think I'm staying here." She announced happily. "I just made fifty thousand Poke-pounds off these loons. No one knows how to play poker!" I sighed.
"Are you sure? I don't want to turn into Ash Ketchum, ditching his pokemon at every turn." She nodded. "Uh-huh. And remember what happened when I was in Johto?" I shivered. Did I ever. (1)
"Alright. But call. And keep Gojira in check." She saluted me with a paw. "Will do, Sarge. Now piss off and have fun." Brendan raced up to us, and hugged May. "ByesweetieI'mgonnamissyoucall!" (Translation: Bye sweetie, I'm going to miss you, call.)
May nodded, and hugged him back. But... but... I thought the only male in her life was Drew! (Seriously, come on here. Logic. PLEASE.)
I sighed, as we started off. "Call or I'll kill you!" Vita wailed, bottle of gin in her hand/paw. I sighed. "Yeah, yeah." As we set off into the sunset backdrop, I felt a bit of cliché-Ash-ditches-girl-and-pokemon-including-his-shiny-Noctowl-and-runs-off-again feeling coming on.
All we needed was the narrator's cheesy voice.
So I sang, something HE never did.
"Off we go, to wild Johto yonder! Getting drunk, and singing crappy songs! Johto here we come! The Legendary Dogs have gone, the Clear Bell has sung, Rockets on the run, Johto here we come! Contests to lose, at least if you're Harley!" A rousing chorus of "Fuck you, Lucy!" was added to this mix.
Squirtle will continue to be a neurotic son-of-a-bitch! Erose's eye will twitch! Rockets better watch out, the psycho bitch has come out! Johto here we come! It's been seven long years, lots of pestering Gamefreak, and lots of tears, but Johto here we come!"
May and Drew obviously wanted in, and broke in with this, "Contests to win, trouble we'll get in, Johto here we come! Idiot Legends, round the bend! Lucy losing her mind and head! Harley getting his win in the end, Johto here we come!"
"Why thank you, guys... unlike SOMEONE whose name begins with L, YOU'RE NICE!" Ever the drama queen, Harley was not content with someone else getting the attention. "Contests to WIN, take that, Lucy! Guys and girls alike to snog, Lucy's being a blood effin' Fic-Hog, my girl with which to be crass!" I rolled my eyes. "In your dreams!" He turned to me.
"Nuh-uh. In my bed." He grinned, and groaned happily, all the while laughing at me. I screamed, and tackled him, much to the amusement of Cacturne and Roselia, both watching with an air of superiority.
Anyone who thinks pokemon are lesser beings, look at the calm, serene pokemon to your right, not fighting. Then look at the two humans, one trying to castrate the other.
What's wrong with this picture?
May sighed, and finished the song. "Idiots in love, help us great Mew of above, these lunatics have gone to Johto! With Contests a faint glimmer in memory, as they rip at each others throats! All the while, the Legends wonder what sort of ally they've got! Johto here we come!"
Drew groaned. "Johto here we come." He turned back to us. "And if the two of you don't behave, I am throwing you two personally off the ship. Come on." I pouted, kicked Harley once more, and set off.
We did manage to keep a good chant of 'Johto here we come!' going until we reached the ferries. It was then which Harley decided that he was going to scream, "Stay the fuck away from my sister!" At Faris for a good five minutes, ranting and raving.
As Crash and Harley argued, you'd think maybe, just maybe, one of their pokemon would step in to help. But a certain Franklyn Metro Gerard Charles Xavier Baudelaire the fifteenth, Esquire, had another idea.
"WHEEE! I IS A MOO COW! ATTACK, MY SOCCER BALL POSSE!" The Spheal roared, spinning around in circles around his trainer. Erose watched this with interest. "I do think I like you." He noted happily.
As Harley and Crash argued, I chatted up Carla-Faye, and May and Drew tried to break up the two arguing. Faris was currently being yanked between Harley and Crash, a pained expression on his face.
I honestly would have not cared, but for the fact that both ships were honking with great pomp and circumstance, pulling away from the dock. "HEY! WE'RE GONNA MISS THE SHIP!" I wailed.
Yeah, NOW they spring into action.
Harley gets us all on Szeren, Carla-Faye and her group on her Swellow, and as they soar off, Crash, just to spite Harley, kisses Faris.
"GODDAMN YOU, STAY AWAY FROM MY SISTER...!" Harley roars, as we speed off in the opposite direction. I roll my eyes. As Szeren banks down, I notice that, thankfully, the dock is empty.
"Goody. Have fun, I'm off to find food." I speed off, and rushed away in search of FOOD. Not cookies, good they may be. Actual food, which was rare. Harley was squicked about killing rabbits, and I was not carrying around raw meat.
So, after fifteen minutes of peace, quiet, and shoveling food in my mouth at a breakneck pace, Harley finally caught up with me. "LUCY!" He screamed, grabbing me by the back of my shirt. "I need you!"
He drags me outside, and I yelp, "What?! I was eating! You better have an explanation—" He hugs me, so tight I can barely breathe, and grins. I readily melt into the hug, smiling as well.
"I did need you." He mutters. I began to laugh. I smiled at him. "Harley, I guess... I forgi—" Ooh, so close.
I could've said, "I forgive you, I love you," But who should interrupt with...
"We're the Wonder pokemon! Or something!"
I honestly think Harley is going to kill them. I really do. His eye twitches, as Mesprit salutes me. "Goody, you're here! Alright! The Dogs will be waiting!" I raise an eyebrow. "Anything else?"
Uxie shakes his head. "No, that's it. We're off to go kill those foolish Earth animals that stole OUR team name! Bye!" They poofed off to somewhere. I didn't want to ask where.
Just then, Cacturne poked Harley on the shoulder. "Harley, we—" "EYAAAAAAGH!"" Harley roared, jumping a foot in the air. Cacturne sweatdropped.
"I was going to say we were going to explore the ship, but I see you're not up for it." He rolled his eyes. I smiled.
"Don't worry, we'll continue this later." I promised him. His eyes lit up with hope. "In bed?" He grinned.
In response, both Cacturne and I slapped him.
(Okay! Quick note; Sachiko's joke is a long story. Look, mostly, I took her into Johto. I was a decent player at the slots, won an Eevee once or twice. But then whenever she was in my party, I lost almost all my money. So she's not going. XD)