If I Were A Boy

Sam's P.O.V

We haven't made love yet happy okay?

Happy? Happy couldn't even began to start to cover it yet I was elated , but I held back my smile though when I saw her pout she looked lost completely alone . She made it sound like she was little kid to make it cute and not a big deal but I heard her undertone. She wasn't just saying no they didn't she was saying Damn she wanted to so bad it hurt. The thought of someone else putting their hands on her delicate frame made me want to hurt someone's face and rearrange it beyond repair. The thought of someone inside of her knowing her intimately made me sick . I wanted her to be mine maybe it was self-fish but I didn't care. I breathed in her scent it was sweet like warm apples and vanilla.

I told myself to relax or she would know.

Good yes I am

I just didn't say how glad I ran my fingers through her hair it was odd but for some reason I always got a thrill out of how soft and silky it was.

Maybe it was cause we never had enough money when I was growing up and mom was always using what we had for her own needs which didn't include paying the electric bill, the water bill there was never water of food in the house if by some miracle one of her boy toys paid it we never had shampoo or conditioner. As a result my hair was always straw like and nasty smelling. Carly on the other hand always had fancy shampoo and conditioners, She had sweet smelling soft hair.

I relaxed myself in her arms feeling her heart beating softly.

I'll make you happy Carly just give me a chance . My mind was racing screaming but I stayed quiet. I loved being in her arms. She looked adorable with her pouty lips her nice sweet full pink covered lips. Which looked so juicy.

Stop it Sam I scolded myself running my finger tips over her Smokey eyes .

Your too cute when you pout Carly Girl.

She hit my arm lightly it sent shivers down me I closed my eyes imaging what it would be like if we were together .

Sometimes I wish I were a boy I would be able to have those thoughts freely thinking them now it made me feel dirty and ashamed.

Thoughts of Carly laying outside by the pool in a bikini making her bronzed kissed skin glow and glisten . Carly in that little black dress that rode up to her hips clutching her firm bust. My hands enclosed around her tighter pulling her body closer to me the nipples of her breasts touched mine sending electric sparks through my whole body. I could tell how all the TJ talk had effected her god I wanted to have that effect on her body and her mind. Slowly my hands descended to the small of her back it rested on her cute small firm butt.

I could see us in town holding hands as we window gazed ..I could see us sharing kisses under the mistletoe I could see us cuddling by the fireplace as we shared our hopes and laughed at silly jokes.

I could see us as we grew up going off to collage sharing a dorm waking up whenever we wanted popping open a beer as we partied. I could see us losing control and making love over every inch of the dorm. Blasting music as we danced...I could see us buying our first house after we graduate starting a family. I could see her pregnant with our kids I could see myself holding her listening to her as she shared her hopes ,fears, pain, dreams and worry.

If I were a boy I would never worry she would be unfaithful cause I would trust her completely .

Her warm body holding mine as I made her hips move back and forth emulating squeals of joy out of her cute mouth which my lips would suck dry as I made her moan and groan sure scream out in pleasure. Till the tears ran down her checks which I would kiss away I could see her breast moving as her chest rose and fell making me even hotter. My whole body was on fire god I wanted her so bad. I could just see her moving her hair back as I kissed her neck . I could see how it would make me feel to be inside of her sweet tight body feeling her juices explode on me . God I thought I would explode my legs started to shake ..My breathing was too fast I thought I would faint.

I'm lucky to have you Sam

I wish I could stop these thoughts if she knew what I was thinking , She wouldn't think she was so lucky. She held me tighter I felt her face press into my hair thank god it no longer had that poor kid who couldn't afford to wash smell . Thanks mainly to Carly she was always taking care of me feeding me making sure I had money clothes..

Well duh Carly Girl

I played it off as a joke but I whispered.

I'm the lucky one ..

I guess having her in my life was enough if I never got to fully have her and call her mine at least I would still be able to hold her and kiss her check talk to her laugh with her. I just couldn't love her the way my heart beat for. Not as long as I was a girl.

Since I wasn't about to change my gender I guess I was stuck dealing with this pain which I was sure would kill me before I could deal. God this sucked why was I always having some sort of pain? Didn't I deserve some happiness ? Why wasn't I born a boy? They never had to struggle like I do no one would abuse them, hurt them ..They could love a girl freely if I were a boy ..I would be so happy ..but I wasn't I was just plain Sam Puckett... it killed me …

If I were a boy Carly would love me right because then it would be normal to love me back...but I wasn't I was a girl and a girl loving another girl it was wrong right? It wasn't normal it was freaky it was sick it was perverted it was a sin and sinners went to hell..they didn't get to heaven..wait if I was really in love with Carly what did that make me? I never really thought about it before but that's what this was I was fallen in love with Carly more and more each day ..so did that make me Gay?

I was sweating and shaking I felt sick..

I need to use the bathroom Carly Girl

You okay Sam you look pale?

Her cool hands ran over my now inflamed checks making me shiver all the more.

Sam..

Her voice carried down the hall as I fled down it.