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LadySharkey1 rocks my world by being the most amazing, kick-ass beta I could ever imagine.
37.
Even though they'd only just gotten back together, being apart was harder than Bella had thought it would be.
Even with her days full of studying for her final exams and planning—and re-planning—her summer activities to leave as much time as she could find to join Edward on the road, her mind constantly drifted back to what he was doing and how he was coping. Not even the long as possible FaceTime sessions they had each night before he had to get on stage were enough to soothe her nerves.
Things were going well, though. Or as well as they could have been.
Aro made sure that Edward managed to meet his new record company's expectations while staying on the wagon. It didn't take Edward long to realize that most of his new band consisted on a bunch of sensible, music freaks who would rather chop off their fingers than have their abilities diminished by the effect of alcohol or drugs. The consequence of that was that they had no problem steering Edward back in the right direction whenever they say he had a difficult moment.
The downside was, though, that according to Edward they were boring as fuck to be around. They simply lived for their music and only came to life whenever they had their instruments in their hands. Outside of that, they were as dull as dishwater. They never went out to break up the monotony of the tour, and that left Edward bored, frustrated and almost climbing the walls of their tour bus at times.
For her, things had been a little better. Her finals had gone well and, after a short trip back home to Forks to visit her dad, she was back in New York to work on her future. Starting out at Carlisle's office, her life had been reduced to long hours of filing stuff, taking the stuff she'd previously filed to one of the paralegals or attorneys and transcribing their notes before putting everything back where it came from. It wasn't the most glamorous work a person could do in an office like that, but she had to admit that she was learning a lot of things about the daily processes in a legal firm that she hadn't realized yet.
And though some of those things—the long hours, the rivalry and the stress—could be quite scary and daunting at times, walking around that office only strengthened her conviction that she wanted to be one of those people—preferably one working with the Coroner's office.
But before that, she would just have to be content with the small steps she was talking and the dreams that formed in her mind while she stared at those who had already arrived.
The small snippets of spare time she had, she spent on the phone with Edward or browsing quaint, vintage furniture shops with Alice in an attempt to turn Edward's barren apartment into a welcoming home.
In keeping with the wooden floors and the vast expanse of nature as seen out of the window, they went with rich, earthy colors and good quality vintage furniture that complimented that. It had been a golden tip from Alice to not opt for pristine new sofas and tables but browse some of the stores she knew. With her best friend's help she managed to find a great mix of eclectic furniture that fit the style and grandeur of the apartment, while also having just those little nicks and scratches that made the place look warm and lived in as opposed to new and untouched.
And, much to her relief, Edward loved what she had shown him so far.
Bella's heart had swelled at the happiness on his face when she Skyped him through the grand tour of his apartment; Edward's emotion at finding some of the mementos Esme had helped her retrieve and his joy at seeing the knickknacks she'd bought during a weekend in the Hamptons that meant the world to her. But most of all, it had been the fact that he'd consistently referred to it as 'our home' that made her heart sing.
It was slow going, with most of her weekdays and large portions of her weekends being taken up with work, but apart from finding just the right bed for their bedroom, she was just about finished with her work when, one night, her phone rang.
Edward.
She frowned, yawning as she picked the device up from where it sat next to the mattress on the floor. "Edward?"
"I'm in a bar," Edward's haunted voice sounded. "I'm in a bar and there's a goddamn drink sitting in front of my fucking face. Please…I need you, kitten. Please, say something to me before I down this shot."
Bella's heart completely stopped as her mind frantically scrambled to catch up with the words she heard.
This could not be happening.
How?
Why?
He had sounded perfectly fine and happy when they'd talked earlier that night and before. What had made him lose himself like that in only a couple of hours?
Had this been going on for longer?
Had he concealed it from her?
But why?
"Don't, Edward," she pleaded, her heartrate speeding up from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds as she pushed her own thoughts to the back of her mind for the time being. There was something more important she needed to worry about first. Get. Him. Out. Of. There. "Please, you know you don't want to do this. Not really…you're stronger than this."
"I just don't know how much fucking longer I can take this bullshit!" Edward's voice sounded weary and defeated. "It's just so hard…being on the road…I'm tired all the damn time. I have no privacy and all these rules. And I fucking miss you, kitten."
"I miss you, too, Edward." Bella could feel the tears dripping along the sides of her face. She felt so helpless; so unable to reach out and hold him, like she knew he was desperately craving. "I want you to do something for me, honey. Can you do that?"
With bated breath she waited for him to reply, the sounds of whatever beer joint he was in echoing loudly in her ear. "Anything," he finally whispered.
"I want you to get up from that barstool," she started, waiting until she heard the sound of wood scraping against wood. "Good," she continued without waiting for more confirmation. "Now, I want you to walk to the door and get the hell out of there."
"Okay." There was a little bit more confidence in his voice while she was talking him through his moment of temptation.
"Keep talking to me, Edward," she insisted. "Where are you now?"
"I'm right by the door…opening it…okay, now I'm outside."
"Is it cold out?" Bella couldn't give a shit about the temperature but she knew she had to keep him distracted before he would go back in, just like every fiber of his being was probably screaming at him to do.
"Not that cold," he answered after a beat. "Now what do you want me to do?"
"Are you far from your hotel?" A hint of a plan started to form in Bella's mind as she spoke. "Can you walk there?"
"It's only half a block from the hotel," Edward breathed. "I was going crazy—flying off the walls kind of crazy. I just needed to get out. I'm so fucking sorry for being so weak."
"You called me before you did something to be sorry about," Bella soothed him. "Keep walking and…maybe you can tell me how tonight's gig went?" They'd talked before he went on stage, just as Bella had gotten home and crashed on the sofa with a plate of food.
"It was good," Edward's lukewarm response came. "The audiences are really reacting to the new songs well. Pretty much every venue I'm playing for the next couple of weeks has been sold out. There's even talk of upgrading a couple of performances to a bigger venue."
"That's great!" Bella tried to muster whatever enthusiasm she could manage over her anxiety. "You're really back!"
"I know!" The enthusiasm was still severely lacking in the one person who should have rejoiced in his success above all others. "It's just…" Bella could hear his deep sigh over the noise of the city around him. "Now that I'm back, I'm starting to become unsure about if I want to be this person. If this is really what I want to be doing with my life." He paused, and for a moment, all Bella could hear was traffic flying by. "It's so fucking stupid! For such a long time, all I could think about was getting back on the road and, now that I'm finally here, I'm enjoying it, but not even half as much as I'm supposed to do."
"Maybe it will come again," Bella offered, "once you get a bit more settled and used to keeping your sobriety while on the road. When it's not such a battle anymore, then maybe you'll remember what used to be so fun about it."
"But that's just it," Edward argued. "I've never been on tour completely sober. What if it was always the drugs and alcohol that made it feel like I enjoyed this shit? What if the real me never liked it in the first place?"
"What if this is your insecurity speaking?" Bella persisted, even though her whole being was screaming at her to ask—no order him to catch the first plane back to New York. "You've only just begun your tour and this is the first time you've had a scare like this. Let's just wait and see what happens in a couple of days…when you've had some more time to get used to it."
She could hear his sigh through the phone. "But what if next time I won't be strong enough to resist temptation? What if I fuck it all up?"
"That's why I told you to get back to your hotel," Bella pressed. "Are you nearly there yet?"
"I'm just walking into the lobby," Edward answered, his voice flat and worn out. "What do you want me to do now?"
"Go up to Aro's room," Bella ordered, listening as he talked her through his elevator ride and his walk through the generic hotel corridor. "Now knock, wait until he opens the door and tell him the same story you told me. He'll help you through this." Bella tried to sound as reassuring as she could, even though she was anything but sure about what she'd just done, waiting to sever the connection after she'd gotten a promise of a phone call as soon as Edward was in his room and had listened as a sleepy Aro had answered the door.
Bella didn't sleep for another minute that night. Not even after a much more upbeat sounding Edward had called her back to assure her that, after a good heart to heart with Aro, he was in a much better place.
Her mind filled with worry. She tried to think of something that would get her out of work for a couple of days but, short of either calling in sick and risk losing her job or jeopardize the very fragile truce between Carlisle and Edward, she could think of nothing.
So as she sat at her desk the next morning, bone-tired and shaking with worry, the job she loved doing suddenly felt like a prison, keeping her from where her heart longed to go.
Her dad would have told her that it was what growing up was all about but right then and there, Bella would have given all she had to have grown up a little less responsibly and a little more daring.
In the end, it was Esme who saved the day, just like she had so many times before. Having already picked up on something being amiss in the phone calls with her brother, it didn't take her too long to weasel the truth out of her young babysitter when they crossed paths again. From there on out, it only took a lot of badgering to her husband to get Bella out of work for a couple of days and on a plane to Cincinnati, where Edward was scheduled to play that evening.
Her heart was hammering in her throat as she took a cab to the venue, taking in nothing of the city around her as her fingers nervously played with the straps on her duffle bag.
What would she be walking into?
From the conversations they'd had ever since that night, she'd gathered that things were going a bit better but that Edward still hadn't really recovered his love for performing. Even though he'd kept assuring her that he hadn't fallen back into temptation the way he had when he'd called her in the middle of the night, he hadn't been able to keep his worry and disappointment out of his voice. And even then, Bella was anxious that he wasn't telling her the whole story.
If he had indeed been editing, would he be happy to see her there?
Bella thought he would, but the closer she got to her destination, the more doubt started to creep up on her. What if her presence would make things harder for him? What if she made him lose focus? And what would happen when she went away again? Would she actually make things worse in the long term?
By the time her taxi finally rolled up to the artists' entrance, Bella was just about ready to tell the driver to turn around when Aro, the only person who knew of her arrival, came dashing out of the door.
Bella didn't like him—his teeth were too white, his smile too wide and his demeanor too fake—but in that moment she could almost kiss him.
"Bella, dear!" Aro beamed as she got out of the cab, pulling her into an uncomfortable hug with matching air-kisses. "I trust you didn't have too awful a journey?"
"It was okay," Bella nervously waved his pleasantries away. "How's Edward tonight?"
"He's still on stage," Aro answered, his hand on her back as he steered her through the hallway. "He'll be over the moon when he sees you."
Bella balked as he opened a heavy door and suddenly a wave of sound crashed over them. "Are you sure it's okay for me to be back here? I won't distract him or do something else to make him mess up his performance?" In her mind, she would have waited for Edward in his dressing room, getting increasingly more nervous with each minute that passed. She never would have dared to dream she would be delivered right to the side of the stage, where she was standing.
"Of course it is fine for you to be back here!" Aro chuckled, as if she'd said something funny.
And then, suddenly she was backstage; the blinding lights flashing red, green and blue as a combination of sweet music and a few thousand people singing along were amplified.
And then, she saw him.
His eyes were closed as he sang a ballad she knew he'd written in 'their' dune; his jeans hung low on his lips and his t-shirt clung to his chest.
A shiver ran through her body as desire and love fought for dominance. She didn't even realize just how much she'd missed him until then; her mind too preoccupied with worrying about him to think about her own feelings.
Her heart that had been skipping beats ever since it recognized its other half, and it might have stopped altogether when his intense green stare made contact with her; his eyes widened in surprise before a smile so big it could have lit up the night formed on his face.
His adoration for her made her heart flutter before it stopped again, though this time for a whole different reason, as he spoke. "Hey, Cincinnati, do you want to know who inspired the song I just sang for you…and pretty much every other love song you heard this night?"
The audience cheered as Edward's band members spotted Bella standing to the side of the stage. Their grins matched Edward's as the insufferable bastard spoke again, "Bella, kitten, do you want to step out into the light for a bit?"
If Bella had ever wondered what her name would sound like, shouted by a crowd of thousands of people, the reality of it made her never want to hear it again.
"You'd better go out there," Aro's voice sounded in her ear, as he gently nudged her forward. "You and I both know he's not going to stop before he gets what he wants."
She wondered if this had been Aro's objective all along. After all, the reformed bad boy finding love and announcing it publicly made for one hell of a front page story. But still, there was nothing to do but obey; the audience's cheers swelling to an uproarious howl as she took a deep breath and hesitantly stepped forward.
Into the light.
Edward greeted her with open arms, much to the delight of the people in front of them. "You're here! You're really fucking here," he breathed in her ear.
"It's not nice to call girl out like that!" Bella pouted, even though her happiness outweighed her mortification.
"It's not nice to sneak up on a man when he's trying to do his job," Edward parried, grinning wickedly as he turned his attention back to his audience. "Ladies and gentleman: this is Bella Swan, the woman who saved my soul in every fucking sense of the word!" The crowd cheered her name again as Edward loosened his grip, his hands back on the snares of his acoustic guitar. "How about I sing her a song…one written especially for her?"
Bella blushed a vibrant shade of red as Edward's nimble fingers started to strum the intro to the song he'd written that night, when he'd first made his feelings for her known through his music. "I love you," he whispered, though the microphone made it loud enough for the ecstatic crowd to pick up.
Bella grinned, forgetting the nerves, her shyness and the people around her as her lips locked onto his. "I love you, too."
And just like that, she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that everything was going to be okay.
Thoughts?