A/N: Did I not promise you a weekly update on a Monday? I believe that I did, so here's a new chapter. Rory snogging Dean and Paris crushing on Jess - here comes the post-party explosives! ;)

(For disclaimer, etc. - see Prologue)

Chapter 36 - Hammer to the Heart

"You did what?!"

Lane looked more shocked than Rory had ever seen her, and had made enough of a noise with her exclamation, it wouldn't be at all surprising if every person in Stars Hollow heard her.

"I know how bad it sounds," she said sadly. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm not even sure I was thinking at all."

Lane felt bad, mostly because she just yelled so loud about her friend's indiscretion to the point where she was amazed Mrs Kim had coming rushing up the stairs to find out what was going on. They must've got lucky and Mama was dealing with a customer, her focus was too great then to be disturbed even by squealing teenage girls. Still, what had Lane feeling even worse was that her two best friends were at odds, and it now seemed increasingly unlikely that even their friendship with each other, never mind their romantic relationship, could be saved.

"But kissing Dean? After everything that's happened first with him and then with Jess..." she shook her head, completely at a loss for what to say.

"I know, I know," Rory insisted, looking ready to cry. "And I could blame the spiked punch or Dean, but... but I let it happen. In the moment, I think I genuinely wanted it to happen, but all of three seconds after it was over, I knew it was wrong. It felt wrong" she repeated the word, knowing it was the most apt.

Lane did feel sorry for Rory. She seemed so mixed up over her own behaviour, and she really hadn't been the same since she and Jess broke up. Lane had heard from both her friends how it was for the best that they went back to being as they were before, but she wasn't buying. She asked Rory and Jess seperately if they were sure they made the right decision, but they each insisted it was the right thing. Maybe it would have been if they could find a way to go back to being best friends, but that was probably impossible. As it was, they acted like awkward acquaintances, and Lane hated being stuck in the middle.

Now Rory had confessed to kissing Dean at the party, and Lane couldn't see how that was going to make anything any better, only ten times worse. The fights that Jess and Dean had so far were mostly verbal, but if he found out about the kiss, Lane was pretty sure Forester would be out for the count care of Jess' fist in his face. It would probably break the heart he usually claimed not to have if he knew what happened.

"Poor Jess," Lane sighed without really thinking what that implied, at least until she glanced up and saw the hurt on Rory's face. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."

"It's okay," her friend insisted. "I mean, I guess it was pretty soon to be kissing another guy after we... after we broke up," she forced out, swallowing hard. "But Jess isn't really so innocent either. He and Paris looked all kinds of cozy."

There was a terrible bitterness to her tone, ill befitting a sixteen year old girl of a usually sunny disposition. Rory always wanted to think the best of everybody, and have everyone like her in return. Things were different now, she was different, and Jess was too, Lane knew. Since they stopped being together, and couldn't even be friends, they had both gotten bitter and apparently were willing to accuse each other of all kinds of things.

"Rory, I really don't think Jess and Paris would make a couple," said Lane with a kind smile. "They were just... Well, he was being a friend to a lonely person. That's nice, right? I mean, Paris is your friend, kind of, and Jess was being nice to her. Shouldn't you be happy about that?"

"I suppose," Rory sighed. "But don't you think it was awfully convenient that the one person Jess decided to make friends with at the party was a friend I brought along?"

Lane really wasn't comfortable giving an opinion on something like that. Siding with one friend against the other was always going to feel wrong. If she admonished Rory for kissing Dean, that would be disloyal, but to accuse Jess of cosying up to Paris would be much the same. Neither of her friends had really done anything wrong, after all, they were broken up, that meant they were free agents, free to date whoever else they wanted. Funny then that Rory seemed so mortified that she almost got close to another guy, and was seemingly upset by her ex moving on too.

"I think Jess and Paris have a lot on common," said Lane eventually, as diplomatic as she could be. "That's probably why they both get along with you in their different ways, so it's not so weird that they found things to talk about."

She just didn't know what else to say. Lane had been so distracted by Dave last night, she really hadn't paid much mind to Jess and Paris, or to Rory and Dean for that matter. It wasn't her business if they decided to date, and that applied to either couple, though they weren't actually couples yet and might never be. All Lane knew for certain was being stuck in the middle was no fun at all. Talking about this with Rory was awkward, but she had to do it. They were best girl-friends, and it was Lane's duty to be there for Rory and help her out if she could. Of course, Jess was practically like her brother too, so when it came to school tomorrow morning, Lane supposed she would have to be there for him too if he wanted to talk things out. Not that Jess was much of a talker. Lane shook her head and refocused on the situation at hand.

"So, you and Dean," she said to Rory. "Do you want that to happen? Do you want to be together?"

"No," her friend shook her head. "Or maybe? I don't know," she sighed, sounding so sad and looking just the same. "It felt wrong to kiss him, but it shouldn't have. I mean, me and Jess aren't dating any more, and Dean and Lindsay aren't... well, he said they were off and on, so I'm guessing they both see other people too? I don't know."

"You didn't talk to Dean about it?"

"No, we just... we talked a little, he kissed me, and then I kinda freaked out," Rory explained. "He probably thinks I'm crazy now anyway."

"I doubt he thinks you're crazy," Lane told her kindly. "We're teenage girls, we're supposed to be a little dramatic and confusing for boys to understand. Maybe he even likes you better for being mysterious?"

Rory smiled at that, and it felt nice for just a few moments to not want to cry. Lane was such a good friend. She was doing her best to make Rory feel better and it was almost working sometimes. Still, Rory knew she had to figure out this situation for herself. Dating Dean wasn't a horrible thought, and yet it didn't exactly excite her either. It wasn't that he wasn't a totally nice guy, but Rory couldn't really imagine dating anyone but Jess these days. Maybe it was all just too raw. They hadn't been broken up long and were still trying to adjust back to being just friends. As it was they seemed to be nothing more than very awkward acquaintances. They had certainly agreed to try and get along as friends again, and maybe in time they could. It was for the best, Rory and Jess had agreed on that, and yet somehow it didn't feel like it right now, it just felt awkward and horrible all the time.

"Hey, Jess," Lorelai smiled as he appeared from behind the curtain into the diner. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever! How're you doing?"

It was the world's most awkward conversation, which was probably why they had avoided it for over a week. A brief hello as they passed each other in the diner or on the street was as much as they had managed since the day Rory and Jess broke up. It was nobodies fault and nobody was blaming anyone else, and yet this was weird. Lorelai had been as good as a mother to Jess since he was eleven years old. Usually he assigned her the role of cool aunt in his head, not least because that made her a perfectly acceptable partner for Uncle Luke and had stopped him and Rory seeming too much like brother and sister, which would be too weird. As much as Jess missed the best friend who had breifly been his girlfriend, he actually missed being able to talk to Lorelai too.

"I'm... fine," he said carefully. "I'll live," he shrugged with that half-smile that he did so well.

Lorelai knew that look. She knew that tone of voice too. Jess wasn't fine, far from it. He was miserable, just like Rory, but for right now there didn't seem to be a way to fix that. As a couple, the pair of them just seemed to be consumed by jealousy, confusion, and over-run by the pressure of being in so deep. Unfortunately, they couldn't just revert to friends after so much had happened, and so they didn't even have their BFF to lean on. Lorelai hated that she couldn't help, that she and Luke had their hands tied in such a situation. She felt strange talking to Jess about Rory now, and suspected Luke would feel just as odd trying to talk to Rory about Jess. They were very much stuck in the middle, and the adults dating didn't really help anybody. Their particular friends-to-lovers experiment had turned out to be a winner, even when Luke's ex showed up and almost ruined everything.

"I heard there was a kickin' party Saturday night," Lorelai smiled. "You have fun?"

"Fun might be pushing it," said Jess, making a big deal of looking anywhere but at Loreali. "It was okay. Er, I really have to get to school," he said then, gesturing towards the door and then making a swift exit.

He spared Lorelai a genuine smile as he went, after all, she was only trying to be nice, to assure him that she was still there for him, Jess was certain on that. It was tough on the adults too, this break up he and Rory had gone through. They didn't know what to say, what to do for the best, and probably felt bad for being happy when the kids couldn't seem to manage it. Jess couldn't tell Lorelai it was okay, or let his uncle know how he was really feeling, that would be way too hard, so he just retreated into himself, became even more quiet than usual, and tried to put it all out of his mind. Easier said than done, of course.

Lorelai watched Jess go and let out a long tired sigh. Talking to him was harder than talking to Rory and lately that was tough enough. All she had got out of her daughter about the party was that Jess was there and he and Paris had gotten along well, no more, no less. It seemed strange to Lorelai that for two kids who had decided that being romantically involved was the wrong thing, they sure seemed to care a lot about who each other was moving on to.

"That was a big sigh," said Luke as he appeared from the kitchen.

"Morning, handsome," she smiled across at him, leaning over the counter when he did so they could share a kiss. "And yes, I guess my sigh was pretty epic. I just hate to see those kids of ours hurting, y'know?"

"I know," her boyfriend agreed sadly. "I tried to talk to Jess yesterday, find out what was going on in his head, but that boy..." he shook his head.

"Oh, come on, you can't blame Jess for not sharing his feelings," Lorelai told him. "He gets the dark brooding thing from his uncle," she smiled, at which Luke couldn't help but smile too.

He knew she was right. There was no way to admonish Jess for keeping his feelings hidden when Luke was just the same himself. Still, it might be easier to help the kid if he would talk. Not that Luke would know what to say in reply. When it came to Rory he didn't have to know what to say, he hadn't seen her in days.

"Rory still boycotting?" he asked, pouring his girlfriend her usual morning coffee.

Lorelai sighed again.

"Not officially," she explained. "Today's excuse was she had reading to finish before she left for school. Since we already had the unbelievable 'I'm not hungry', the slightly remarkable 'I want to catch the earlier bus', and the flat-out lie that was 'Wouldn't it be nice to try one day without coffee?', I think the excuses are going to dry up soon. Then who knows what'll happen?" she shrugged.

Lorelai didn't mind too much that Rory wanted to avoid Luke's, and even the man himself understood it, as he did Jess' habit of making sure he was well out of the way when Rory was at the bus stop or due to be arriving home from school or anything of the kind. They needed the avoidance right now, needed to heal from their break up. It wasn't fun though, it wasn't normal.

"Y'know I tried talking to Jess again yesterday. I asked about the party, but he didn't say much," he told Lorelai.

"All I really got out of Rory was that she ended up taking Paris and she and Jess seemed to make friends," she explained. "After that she was either in her room or with Lane. It bothers me that she's keeping things from me."

"You think that's my fault?" Luke asked, causing an odd look of confusion on Lorelai's face until he explained. "I mean, maybe she's worried if she confides in you about Jess, you'll end up telling me, and I'll mention it to him."

"No," Lorelai shook her head. "I don't think that's it. Rory knows that what she says to me is between us. As much as I love you, babe, I wouldn't spill all her secrets to you."

"And I would never want you too," Luke confirmed.

"Exactly. No, I just think maybe we're happy and they're not. She probably thinks I wouldn't understand her pain, but I do," Lorelai sighed. "Believe me, I do."

As if it were planned, the bell jangled over the diner door, and Luke stared at whoever had just walked in. Intrigued, Lorelai turned on her stool to see and got a surprise when she saw it was Rachel.

One week ago, this same red-head had walked into the diner, hugged Luke, and caused Lorelai to run for the hills. Since then, a lot of explaining and apologising had healed the wound, and Luke and Lorelai were back on track. It was assumed, by Lorelai at least, that Rachel hadn't stuck around, and yet it seemed she was wrong.

"Hey," said Luke's ex as she walked up to the counter. "Um, can I get a chamomile tea please?" she asked him, looking sideways at Lorelai a moment later.

"Sure, yeah," Luke agreed, turning away to get a cup and prepare the drink.

He wondered if he was supposed to introduce his ex to his current girlfriend, but honestly Luke didn't know where to begin. He had explained to Rachel, the night she arrived, that he was seeing someone else, that he and Lorelai were in love. She had been upset but ultimately understanding, after all, she had been gone a long time. Later he managed to have a conversation with Lorelai, explaining that he and Rachel had broken up around the time Jess had come to stay in Stars Hollow, and Rory and Lorelai had moved in too. Rachel had gone away on her travels and Luke never expected to see her again. He certainly didn't have any deep and meaningful feelings for the woman any more, that ship had long since sailed. Everything was patched up, and Luke just assumed Rachel left again. She certainly hadn't been around for the better part of week, it made him wonder why she was back now.

"Hi," she said, holding out a hand to Lorelai. "We were never properly introduced. I'm Rachel, the ex."

"I'm Lorelai," she nodded, shaking her hand. "The current."

That made both women laugh nervously, thanks to the odd phrasing and the sheepish way Luke was looking at both of them when he turned around to serve Rachel her tea. It was silly really, he hadn't done anything wrong here. There was a woman to his right that he used to date, and one to his left who he was dating now. No cheating, no overlaps, nothing to worry about, and yet if Luke could have the ground open up and swallow him right now, that would've been great in his opinion.

"So, I'm sorry if I made things awkward for the two of you," said Rachel, glancing between Luke and Lorelai, but focusing mostly on the latter. "I was such a fool coming back here, just assuming Luke would still be waiting. I mean look at him, like he was really still going to be available."

"Rachel..." he said awkwardly, as close to blushing as Lorelai had ever seen him.

"C'mon, Luke, the woman has a point," she teased anyway. "I can't believe it took me this long to realise how much I love you."

She said it so definitely, with such firmness, Luke knew she wasn't jut messing around any more. Without making a spectacle of herself or him, Lorelai wanted her boyfriend to remember that she loved him, that they were together and Rachel being here didn't change things for her. She wasn't going to be intimidated, and Lorelai could be sometimes, despite appearance, just not today, not by this woman.

"Well, I am glad you two found each other," said Rachel, sipping her tea. "Honestly, as much as I always cared about you, Luke, and I always will, we were never quite the right fit, were we?"

"Not really," he agreed sadly. "But you know you meant a lot to me Rachel, you always will. I'd like if we could still be friends... and that might just be the cheesiest thing I ever said."

Rachel laughed, Lorelai did too, but that was okay.

"I'd love to be friends, Luke, with both of you, if that's not too weird," said Rachel, looking to Lorelai. "I mean, I have to think you and I at least have some things in common, if we've both dated our guy here."

"I guess so," Lorelai considered. "You wanna sit down at a table, see what we can find to talk about?" she said, with a wink that made Luke very scared.

"Sure, why not?" Rachel agreed. "I mean, this might be our only chance. After I stopped by here last week I headed straight over to my folks place, but we're pretty much as caught up as we can stand to be. I plan to be out of the Hollow again in a few days."

"Then let's not waste time," Lorelai said definitely, practically dragging her new and unlikely friend to a table.

Luke watched them go with a smile that soon collapsed in on itself. As nice as it was to find his ex and his girlfriend could get along and didn't want to kill each other, or him for that matter, it was terrifying to consider what they might find to talk about alone together. Absolutely terrifying.

"I had no idea that there could be a guy of our age that knew so much about literature and speak so articulately about it," said Paris, well into her third such speech of the day about the wonder of Jess. "I mean, most sixteen year olds can barely make a sentence without the words 'awesome' or 'dude' creeping in there, and even then they're rarely if ever speaking about a book, only a movie with explosions and female nudity, or one of those video games that's all car chases and hookers. To get a real live male of our age that has read so much, and not just the classics, but a really diverse range of novels, poetry, and non-fiction, that's rare enough, but he actually has viable opinions. Some of his theories are a little nutty on the surface, that's a given, I mean, Austen would be a fan of Bukowski? Sounds pretty out there, right? But he can explain it, and it actually makes sense. He'd be an asset to any debate team, not that he seems that focused on school...

"Paris, shut up!" Rory suddenly bellowed, bringing silence not just to her friend but to a whole ten feet square area of the Chilton school hall way.

Rory wasn't the type to yell much, it wasn't her style, and nobody dared to tell Paris Gellar to shut her hole, no matter how sorely they were tempted. Apparently today was a banner day.

"What did you say to me?" asked Paris in apparent shock, and no wonder given the circumstances.

"I told you to shut up!" said Rory in reply, still just as frustrated and angry but perhaps not quite so loud as she realised she was being stared at from all angles.

She pushed her way into an empty classroom and on instinct Paris followed her.

"What is your problem, Gilmore?" she asked, incensed by the attitude she was getting, and from one who was usually pretty quiet and rule-abiding. "It's not like I'm saying anything bad about your precious friend, and you can't exactly complain if I like the guy. You told me yourself that you broke up."

Rory knew everything Paris was saying was true. She was only being nice about Jess, and Rory certainly had no claims to him any more. Jess wasn't her boyfriend, he was barely her friend right now, just because they couldn't find a way to hardly look at each other, never mind speak any more. Maybe that was what hurt so much, that Paris was having the same kinds of conversations with her best friend, that Rory used to have herself. If Jess and Paris got as close as he had once been to Rory... the thought of it made her stomach tie into so many knots, it was agony just to consider it.

"You're telling me all these things about Jess that I already know. It's annoying!" she said eventually, frustrated and angry still. "I don't need a break down of Jess' every opinion on books, I know them already. We read some of these things together, we've discussed them all before. I don't need a recap of his literary opinions, I know them, I know them better than you ever will, because I know Jess better than you ever will, so I repeat, shut up, Paris!" she yelled finally, before storming back out of the room.

Paris stayed behind and just stared at the door swinging in her friend's wake, then she smiled. It was probably wrong to feel superior right now, to be proud of how upset she had made a person who she considered a friend in some form or other, but Paris couldn't help it. Nobody had ever been jealous of her progress with a boy before. She had to be just a little proud of that, she couldn't help herself.

To Be Continued...