Part 37- Better

Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;

Sami thought, and Lucas agreed, that it would be best to call the police before the police came looking for them. Unless the surveillance cameras at EJ's house had been destroyed by the explosion and didn't send their signals to a police station somewhere, there was irrefutable evidence that they had paid EJ an unsolicited visit.

Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.

Sami had dropped her gun, but Lucas was still in possession of his. Worse still was the matter of Sami's bloody clothes. There was too much physical evidence to hide.

Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;

And of course, Allie knew perfectly well that they had been at EJ's house and talking to EJ mere moments before EJ's demise. Sami certainly wasn't going to ask Allie to perjure herself, especially not after what Allie had gone through already.

and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

When Lucas, Will, and Allie turned on their phones, they found a variety of messages from ISA officers, London police officers, Salem police officers, and courtroom security officers. Lucas suggested that he call Inspector Robert Smyth, who had originally arranged for Allie to come to London and testify, while Sami called her Uncle Bo in case their friends at the Salem PD could be of help.

Amen.

They turned on the television while they awaited Inspector Smyth. Half the channels were interviewing scientists about the composition of the gas released into the courtroom, and discussing how the anti-terrorist units had really responded very well. There had been no casualties. The other half of the channels showed the smoking ruins of EJ's townhouse.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.

"Hotter than hell," said one reporter cheerfully. "Some would say that's fitting." Sami demanded, rather too harshly, that someone change the channel. Will tightened his lips and wordlessly obeyed.

Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.

"I don't want any of you to do anything but tell the absolute truth about what you know," Lucas told his children. "Just don't speculate about things you don't know. That's more trouble than it's worth. You know why we ran out of the courtroom, you know why we turned our phones off, you know Allie got back here safely. But none of you saw what happened to EJ, did you?"

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Inspector Smyth and his colleagues arrived more quickly than Sami would have liked. Sami was separated from Lucas and their children for questioning. She told herself that it would be good practice for their eternal separation.

Amen.

In the back of her mind, she continued to pray, as she had started to do almost unconsciously as soon as she and Lucas rejoined their children.

Eternal Father,
I offer You the Body and Blood,
Soul and Divinity
of Your dearly beloved Son,

She explained how she and Lucas, and Will and Johnny, had panicked when Allie and EJ vanished. Perhaps the strange gas had made their anxiety worse. She and Lucas had sent Will and Johnny to lock themselves away safely—if EJ had found a way to take Allie, he might well be looking for a way to take Johnny. If EJ had been able to escape the courtroom, he must surely have had some security officer on his payroll—her family had not responded to any calls because they did not know whom to trust.

Our Lord Jesus Christ,
in atonement for our sins
and those of the whole world.

She and Lucas ran to EJ's townhouse because she remembered the materials he had kept there beneath the double false ceiling. She thought EJ would run there first. No, she hadn't told the ISA about the false ceiling—she had forgotten about it until her fear for her daughter had triggered the need for the information. Surely she would have told the ISA had she remembered; hadn't she been the one to list out EJ's hideouts, and facilitated his capture in the first place?

For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
have mercy on us
and on the whole world.

She had begun to lie, even as she prayed. The incongruity was not lost on her.

Amen.

Sami's mind wandered to Colleen, the one who had started all of this. Colleen had planned to be a nun. Had she, too, prayed as she committed sin after sin in the name love?

I believe that the teaching of the Holy Catholic Church is God's teaching, without exception.

Colleen's sins had visited pain on her family year after year. Before her death, she had claimed that she had tried to protect her family. Would Sami's attempt at protection be as counter-productive as Colleen's? She and Colleen looked so much alike. Had she fulfilled some prophecy to act like Colleen, too?

O God, by Your merciful grace, grant that I may persevere in the one true Catholic faith throughout the remainder of my life, no matter what sufferings and trials may fall upon me.

Sami told Inspector Smyth all about how she and Lucas had burned EJ's papers and hidden the weapons so he couldn't use them. She told him how Lucas still had a gun—he had never fired it, but had taken it for protection and had held onto as he escorted Allie from the building when she and EJ arrived.

Lord Jesus Christ, by your merciful prayers, sufferings and death on the Cross, grant that all those who have fallen away from the fullness of faith may repent, confess, do penance and humbly return to complete faith in every teaching of the Holy Roman Catholic Church.

She and EJ had argued. She didn't remember much—she had been so angry, looking at that peephole in Allie's room. They had struggled. She had clawed and scratched and bit, even drawn a little blood—there was some on her clothes. Then she ran. He was alive then, yes, of course he was. She had only just been reunited with her children and the man she had always considered to be her husband. She wasn't going to kill EJ, though if he was really dead, she certainly wasn't sorry.

Heal my wounds, O Lord, if they are the wounds that offend You.

The inspectors left, taking along Lucas' gun and Sami's clothes. They suggested that the family would not be allowed to return to America for a few more days at least.

Deepen my wounds, O Lord, if they are the wounds that glorify You.

Sami told Lucas, Will, and the twins what she had told Inspector Smyth. She watched Lucas carefully, and saw no sign that he had told the investigators anything in conflict with what she had said. Really, she had only lied twice. She had lied about when she remembered the false ceiling. And she had lied about murdering EJ.

Amen.

Johnny stood beside Sami, awkward and oddly delicate. "May I speak to you privately, please?" he asked.

Sami cringed. When she had first met EJ, she had loved the way his accent made the most mundane statement sound formal, intelligent, and charming. Johnny didn't have EJ's blood in his veins, but he had been raised in EJ's image, and that was evident in everything from his tone of voice to his posture to his taste in clothing.

EJ had been right when he'd promised that he would never die because he lived on in his Gianni.

"Of course, honey." Sami put her hand on Johnny's shoulder and gave it a small caress as she guided him into the next room.

"What's going on?" Sami asked when they were seated side by side on the couch—the same couch on which Allie had cried herself sick after testifying against EJ.

A shadow of bemusement crossed Johnny's face.

"Okay, so a lot's going on," Sami answered herself. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I know we aren't supposed to talk much about what happened today—"

"The police just don't want us getting a story straight if we were in some kind of conspiracy to commit murder. But we weren't in a conspiracy, so there's nothing to get straight. Your dad told you to tell the truth, right?"

Johnny shrugged. Even though Sami didn't know him well, she knew the gesture was unlike him. "We can talk about anything you want."

"All right," said Johnny, but he was obviously rethinking his decision to say anything.

"How are you feeling?" Sami tried.

The bemusement returned. "Like I'm about to explode."

Sami managed not to flinch at the choice of phrase. "What can I do to help?"

"You said you didn't remember that much about what you said to EJ."

"That's true."

"Do you remember if, well, did he say anything about me at all?"

This, Sami should have seen coming. She couldn't resist pulling Johnny into a hug—bone crushing hugs, he'd called them as a toddler—and Johnny accepted it stiffly. "Yes, he talked about you. We talked about you. It's about the only thing we ever had in common, how much we both loved you." That, and we're both murderers and we're both going to hell.

"When did he find out that I wasn't his son? Biologically? Do you know?"

Sami nodded. "That was my question, too. He always knew. He fell in love with you the first time he saw you, so he had the tests switched. I think he almost… almost forgot that you weren't his biologically. To him, you were his son, and that was it."

"Hmm. I thought maybe he didn't find out until after everything happened with Allie, and that's why he didn't try to find me after I went to America, at least find out if I was okay."

"No. He wanted you so much—I'm sure he was desperate to see you, but he was trying not to get arrested. He loved you, in his way. Allie, too. He only thought he could get away with faking the paternity results on one of you under the circumstances. I'm not sure whether he chose you because you were the boy who could carry on the DiMera name, or if he stood in the nursery and went eeny-meeny-miney-moe, or if he told his lackey to surprise him."

Johnny digested that for a moment. "He wasn't always a bad father. Before the thing with Allie, I mean."

"I know that. When you were babies, he was wonderful with you. If he hadn't been holding me hostage, and if he hadn't tried to kill half my family, I would have liked him. I did like him, once."

"Allie said she thought it would be all right to remember the good things about him."

"Allie is very smart." Sami forced herself to smile. "Like her brothers."

"So he raped you, but you don't mind?"

"I mind that he raped me," said Sami, just to be clear, even though she knew that wasn't what Johnny meant. "No, I don't mind that you loved him and that you're mourning him and that you want to remember the good about him. He did terrible things to all of us, but whatever there was that was good in him… you brought it out. Everyone… we're all a mix of good and bad. I've done some terrible things in my life, too. That's part of why I was drawn to EJ. I felt like I had… repented, and if he had a little help he could grow and change, too."

"Do you think he regretted the things he did?"

"I'd like to think that."

"You'd like to, but you don't."

"I don't."

"What else—what was the very last thing he said?"

Sami winced. Every lie she considered invited nasty consequences, so she decided to tell the truth. "He told me that he would see me in hell."

Johnny rolled his eyes. Sami asked why.

"That's kind of cliché, isn't it? Trite? Don't you think?"

"My first thought was that it was probably true," Sami admitted, and then bit her tongue. She had always done this with Will, told him things a young son had no business knowing about his mother. She had meant to do better with her twins, but old habits died hard.

"He didn't."

"Didn't what?"

"Didn't think it was true. Didn't believe in God or heaven or hell. I never went to church—except tours of famous ones for my education when we traveled—until Lucas made me go to Midnight Mass at Christmas. I never really tried praying until Will wanted to do it when we were waiting for you to bring Allie back. Anyway, EJ just said that to mess with you. He didn't think you were going to hell. He didn't think there was a hell. You really do?"

"I really do."

"You really think you're going there?"

"I really do."

"Why? I thought you said you—you said you repented. Once you repent, God forgives you and you don't go to hell. Isn't that how it works?"

Sami's eyes filled with tears. She had promised herself that she wouldn't lean on Johnny the way she had leaned on Will, but Johnny's innocent summary of divine forgiveness, in combination with his attempt to soothe her, was overwhelming. "Yes, Johnny, that's how it works."

"So why are you crying?"

"I'm crying because you're so wonderful and I finally have the chance to get to know you."

"Before you go to hell."

"I'm not going to force you to take CCD classes or go to mass every Sunday, but I don't want you to joke about things like that."

"Sorry. Look, tell me a prayer—tell me how to pray that that won't happen."

"I've been praying all day. God… well, he's God. He knows I don't repent for what I did today."

"You saved Allie."

"The things I did to save Allie led to EJ dying. I told you, Johnny, I moved those explosives that blew up the house. I set them up and I brought in the matches. I want you to love EJ and miss him and be sorry he's gone if that feels right for you, but I can't feel those things. I—I decided a long time ago that I'd rather protect my children than protect my immortal soul. God knows that."

"You really think God would make you choose? He'd say 'let this child molester grab your daughter whenever he wants, or spend eternity in a Hieronymus Bosch painting?'"

Sami blinked back more tears as she stared at Johnny's earnest face. "You're very smart, Johnny. Very smart and very nice."

"I'm not always nice."

"None of us are."

"Do you remember what happened while you were in your coma? Right before you had surgery?"

Sami thought about that for a moment; the question seemed to be an unexpected change of subject. "No. I don't remember anything until I woke up and your dad was there. Why?"

"I said some things to you I shouldn't have. I was really angry that I had to come to this new house and new school and new country with all these new people who were saying bad things about Fath—about EJ, and I hated how Allie liked her new family with them better than our old family with me, and… well, I'm glad you didn't hear it. I'm sorry I said it."

Sami kissed the top of Johnny's head. "I'm sorry you had to go through that. The same thing happened to me, you know. Thanks to the DiMeras, my parents weren't who I thought they were. I felt like I was being handed around like some kind of possession, like my feelings didn't matter. I wasn't supposed to love John and Isabella, I was supposed to love these strangers all of a sudden because they said so. I was completely out of control while these people uprooted my whole life and then shipped me off to Colorado. I didn't want to do the same thing to you, but… well, things worked out this way. You're going to have to live in a new place with your new family. Maybe we can talk about you going back to school in Europe when you're a little older if you really want. And I already told you that I'm not going to try to turn you into a Catholic if you aren't willing. Anything I can do to make this easier for you, I will. Anything except be separate from you again this soon."

Johnny nodded silently.

"Feel any better?"

"Yeah."

"Good," said Sami. "So do I."

She tugged at Johnny so his head rested against her shoulder, and she wrapped her arm around him.

Almost immediately, Allie knocked softly at the door and entered the room. She smiled at the sight before her and joined them on the couch, cuddling against Sami's other side. Sami put her other arm around Allie, thrilled beyond measure to be holding both of her twins again—finally.

TBC