So props to NCISGleek for the idea behind this one. I'd always wanted to do a drunk Tony, but never quite managed to fit it in. Her review gave me the perfect idea, so thank you! This will be a two, possibly three, part-er, so stay tuned! :D

Too Much

" D'ya think...D'ya think they'll n-notice?"

" Tim...Tim...Timmy...Mc-McGee...McGoo...Probal-licious. They'll be asleep. Snoring like...like..like cherubs."

" R-Really?"

His partner gave a vigorant shake of his head, as they stumbled to the front door.

" The k-kids will be asleep...The b-babes in bed... And w-we get off...Scot...Scot free..."

Tim leant against the wall of the house, watching the world spin. It had all been Tony's idea. A very good idea at the time, he had to add. Now, it was seeming like a rather bad one. After hailing a cab from the last club to the nearest kebab shop, then another from the shop to his house (to remember no-one was home and he lacked a set of keys), they'd finally climbed into another one and made it to Tony's, where their families had spent the night watching movies, and their wives probably gossiping about them. He couldn't tell what time it was, but knew by the amount of drink he'd consumed, it couldn't be early. Beside him, Tony fumbled with the key, continuously stabbing it at the door handle with very little luck. All he was managing to achieve was making a racket, surely enough to wake anyone within a mile of the house.

" T-Tony, you're going to...going to wake th-them up... Oh God, I feel sick..."

" You spew again, Timmy, and y-you'll be s-sorry... Oh for the l-love of all th-things holy, can't s-someone just open this bloody d-door?"

And open it did, to reveal a woman, clad in nightdress and robe, with a look of disgust and fury painted on her delicate features. Both man did impressive impersonations of a goldfish, Tim going a shade of green-white, as Tony's tequila-soaked brain tried to come up with something to say.

" A-Ah...s-sweetcheeks...K-key must be bent..."

Ziva was silent for a moment, eyes boring into her husband's, clearly trying to keep a lid on her temper.

" Or, perhaps, it is that you're too drunk to see straight enough to put the key in the lock."

Tony scoffed, nudging McGee to laugh with him, earning a groan and a deeper shade of green from the man.

" T-Too drunk, d-don't be s-stu...s-stu...s-stupid..."

" You were going out to watch the football. It is now 2am, and you were supposed to be home nearly 5 hours ago. Care to explain yourself?"

Tony stammered for a moment, before plastering on a grin, ignoring the slowly collapsing Tim.

" We...got invited to a b-bar by a few guys. They w-were...Oh man, th-they were doing some good t-tequila shots...Probie only m-managed 6. I had t-ten."

The rather childish grin of pride hit a nerve with his wife, clearly.

" And I suppose that makes you the big man here?"

Tony leant in, (or perhaps it was more of a sway, he wasn't sure), the grin taking on a rather devious touch.

" Babe, you know I'm a big man."

Ziva's response was instant, one hand grabbing his wrist, twisting his arm behind his back and applying pressure. Tony wailed in pain, visibly whitening, as his wife's voice cut in.

" Call me babe once more, and you can kiss any chance of anything happening between us goodbye. You turn up drunk on this doorstep, try and smooth your way into the house with cheap innuendo, and think that is okay? Well, I tell you now, Anthony DiNozzo, I will not let a swine like that inside this house with my children, regardless of whether I call him my husband or not. So I suggest you rethink your plan, find somewhere else to wallow in your own drunken pity, and come back here when you are sober to apologize for this."

She released Tony's arm, watching him sink to the ground with a somewhat satisfied look on her face, before rounding on Tim.

" And as for you..."

" Zi? They home?"

From behind Ziva, another figure appeared, heavily pregnant and clearly tired. Abby was make-up-less, and her red cheeks indicated she'd been crying; at 8 months pregnant, hormones had a full grasp of her emotions. She took in the sight before her, Tim beginning to stammer.

" Oh A-Abby...Abs, I'm s-sorry...T-Tony...w-we went to a bar...Abs..."

He managed to stumble forward, awkwardly embracing his wife, almost collapsing on her. Abby took a moment, breathing shaky, before speaking.

" You said you weren't drinking, Tim."

McGee pulled away, flustered and clearly ashamed, leaning a hand against the wall to steady himself.

" I w-wasn't going t-to, I h-haven't had th-that much, I-"

Abby let out a sob, sinking a knee into his groin heavily. Tim

" Don't LIE to me! I c-can't believe you! Y-You...y-you drunken bum! I'm sitting here, aching because of your k-kid, f-fat, u-upset and y-you're out at a bar, drinking y-yourself into oblivion! H-How could you even..."

She pushed him away, Tim collapsing on the ground with several whimpers, gasping in pain, before turning and rushing back into the house, clearly sobbing. Ziva almost spat at both men, choosing instead to give Tony one last shove.

" Pigs."

With that, she slammed the door, locking it behind her, and turned off the porch light. The two men sat in silence, both still recovering. After several minutes, Tony pulled himself to his feet, dragging a sobbing Tim with him.

" C'mon, up. W-We ain't sl-sleeping outside..."

" M-maybe I could ph-phone her! M-make her l-listen to-"

" She's n-not listening to anything, Probie. G-give it up. C'mon."

Tony draped one of the younger man's arms around his shoulders, hauling him with him.

" Wh-where are we going, T-Tony?"

" To w-wallow in our pity, and g-get a little...advice..."