Hello, everyone!

First of all, let me apologize for the delay. I promise I'm not going to forget this story. I just wanted to write the whole war-scene before I give it to you, so that you ouldn't have to wait, but it seems that didn't really work out for me. Exams got in the way and studying, so for now I'll update once a week? I'll try for twice, but no promises.

So, the song for this chapter is This Is War by 30 Seconds To Mars. It's a very fitting song for the situation our characters are in, don't you think?

Thank you for your reviews Intoxic, soul eater fan and mangaanima, and a special thank you to Lindsey7618AwesomeasPercabeth, who started reading the story like three days ago and she finished it and she took the time to review to every single chapter. Thank you!

Don't forget to check out Intoxic's story 'Days of War and the Nights of Love'. It's amazing.

So, enjoy!

Chapter 37 (This Is War by 30 Seconds To Mars)

After hearing his father's order, which he had to follow, to lead the battle that was about to take place, Alec run to his bedroom and hid in there. He locked the door for good measure and started pacing the floor. Apparently, though, it wasn't such a good hiding place because Isabelle found him right away.

"Alec? Let me in!" She said pounding on the door.

Alec didn't say anything. He just continued moving around, trying to wrap his mind around what had just happened. The Inquisitor, his father, had just asked him to lead the battle that would definitely stay in history either as their greatest win or the biggest failure and Alec thought that if he was to lead it, it was more possible for it to be the latter one. But he couldn't understand. Why did his father ask him?

Isabelle didn't stop trying to get in. "Alec, open the door!" she shouted, trying the handle and pounding on the door at the same time.

But Alec was too lost in his thoughts to even consider responding to Izzy to go away or something along those lines. Why did his father ask the son that was a disgrace to his family name, the son that he couldn't bear to look in the eyes for more than a minute without feeling compelled to push to the ground with his words?

Isabelle, though, had no intention of staying outside any longer. She was worried her brother would do something stupid in his state of mind. She thought he could cave under the weight of responsibility that their father laid on his shoulders. Izzy wouldn't blame him for that, but she needed him to be strong. Everyone needed him to be strong. She got her steele and drew an opening rune. As the door opened, she found her brother moving around the room with the whole purpose of not staying still for more than a second. She could see he was panicking, his hands were shaking and his breaths were coming out in short puffs as if he had been running for miles. "Alec?" she stepped closer to him gently and tried to shake him out of his thoughts. She touched his arms and he looked at her immediately, obviously now realizing she was in here.

"How did you get in?" He asked confused. His mind tried to find the words to talk to his sister about his problem, but he couldn't find any. So he chose to say that instead.

Izzy pointed to her steele and instead asked him "Are you okay?"

That's what he needed to hear. Those were the words that needed to be said for him to break down. That was the question that helped his mind find the words and speak them. "I'm not. I can't do this Iz. How can he think I can do this? He had been absent all this time, I am practically dead to him and now he does this? Is he playing with me? Is he-"

"Alec, stop it." She interrupted his rumbling. "You can do this. You made this plan and you can get it through."

Alec moved away from her as if she had burned him. No, she was wrong. She didn't understand. He couldn't do this. "No, I can't Izzy."

"Why do you think so Alec?" she asked, trying to figure out the root of the problem.

Alec turned to see her suddenly "Because I'm not Jace!" he exploded. However what Alec didn't see was that Jace was already standing under the doorframe watching his two siblings talking. He heard, though, an intake of breath from that direction and to say he was shocked to find him there was an understatement. He started panicking again. He didn't know why, Jace hadn't said anything yet, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to. "Jace." He breathed. "H-How much did you hear?" he stuttered.

"Enough" he simply answered, looking at his brother, at his parabatai as if he was seeing him for the first time, not letting his gaze stray away from him.

Izzy took that as her cue to leave. They had a lot to talk about and she was sure Jace would help Alec out like no one else could. They were parabatai for a reason after all.

"What did you mean by that?" Jace asked almost coldly. He didn't know what to make of Alec's words yet. He hadn't fully understood the meaning, that's why he was asking for him to clarify.

"By what?" Alec asked afraid of the answer.

"You know what, Alec." He saw Alec hesitate and he added in a lighter tone "You know you can tell me anything."

Alec sighed and sat on the bed. He tried to gather his thoughts, which were scattered all over the place. That's why he was afraid of the answer, because he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to express what he felt without it coming out completely wrong or ending up with Jace storming out of the room mad at him, wanting to never speak to him again. But he knew he could trust his parabatai no matter what and that's what he did. "I-I am not you, Jace." He didn't dare look up at him; he didn't want to know how he felt, not yet, not until he had said all that he wanted to say. When Jace didn't make a move to speak he continued "I do not have the gift of the Angel himself, I'm not perfect at every single weapon I get my hands on, I cannot jump 20 feet up in the air. I haven't slayed every demon I've ever fought. Actually I have been defeated by a couple of them." He said with a bitter chuckle. "I am not a good Shadowhunter Jace. I never have been and never will be. I am just average. Being your parabatai has been a gift from heaven and hell, but you've always been the best." He looked up at him now without trying to decipher the feelings in those golden eyes. "I am not saying that with bitterness, envy or jealously. I am just stating a fact. I can't lead a battle. I don't deserve that. Not when I'm not good enough for this position." He said, ready to tear up, but no, this time he wouldn't cry. What he said was the truth, even if it hurt.

Jace was stunned to silence. He never knew Alec felt that way. He never even suspected. He thought none of these things for Alec or for himself. Yes, he was cocky, but that was his defense mechanism. It was the only way to hide the broken boy that was behind the façade of the confident, arrogant Shadowhunter. It was his way of keeping people at bay, of making sure no one would see him for who he really was. He never meant to make Alec feel that way. He never meant to shadow him, and he never thought he did. Jace shook his head "You couldn't be more wrong." He saw his parabatai look at him in utter surprise and continued. "You have the gift of the Angel that I can never have. Yes, I am the better fighter of the two of us, but you have the biggest heart. Sometimes I swear you're too selfless for your own good." He said chuckling.

Alec was looking at him in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"If it weren't for you, Izzy and I would have died a long time ago."

"Don't say that." Alec said, shaking his head. He didn't want to think of his siblings that way. He had already lost one of them, he wouldn't bear to lose another.

"It's true." Jace insisted. "You've always protected us. You always got us out of trouble even at the cost of your own life." He paused for a moment to let that sink in and find the words he wanted to say next. There were so many things he wanted to say, but not enough time. "You know, being a great fighter is not all it takes to make a good Shadowhunter. We may be judged basically on that, wrongly so, but it is not all we are. It's not what defines us. We are more than our bodies. We are our mind, heart and soul. There was a reason that I asked you to be my parabatai Alec. You are the only one I can trust my life with. And I'm not talking about spilling my guts to you or talking to you about a nightmare I had the night before. I am talking about literally trusting my life into your hands. I know that no matter what happens to me, you are always there to protect me. Say this to anyone and I'll deny it, but I need you Alec. I knew it even then that I needed you. I needed you to protect me. I still do. There's no one out there, including me, who deserves this honor of leading the Nephilim to their greatest victory more than you."

Alec stood there staring at Jace with wide eyes, looking at his parabatai in a different light. An awkward silence had fallen between the two now that Jace had nothing more to say. He was never the one to get sentimental, he rarely spoke his feelings, hence the awkwardness, but now that he had Alec was relieved he was worthy of his parabatai, shocked and surprised that Jace recognized it, and amazed at the fact that Jace felt this way. He was experiencing so many emotions all at once that Alec had to say, it was quite overwhelming. That's why he tried to lighten the mood before his mind went on over-drive. "Well, you are pretty reckless," he said, "and hot-headed."

Jace put his hands over his heart, feigning hurt in a way that only he could master "You wound me! Do I need to take the bow and arrow and shoot you to teach you a lesson? You know how perfectly good I am with it!"

Alec chuckled to himself at the memory. "No, I'd like my eyeballs to stay in my head, thank you very much." He got up and stepped closer to Jace, ready to leave the safety of his room and face the world.

As Alec approached him, Jace threw an arm over his shoulders and walked with him to the door. "Told you I've got perfect aim." He exclaimed proudly.

"Your target was like ten feet away from me." Alec said smugly.

"Shut up." Jace said playfully while laughing and Alec didn't hesitate to join him.

As they stepped outside Alec stopped walking and Jace stopped with him. "What is it?" his parabatai asked concerned. Alec looked him in the eye "How do you know we're going to win?" he whispered, not sure if he wanted Jace to hear him.

But Jace did and he shrugged, smiled and said "I know you. That's enough for me."

Magnus had left Alec and Jace to do their thing, so that he could do his own. He had created special necklaces with just one white stone which was enchanted to be connected with the mind of the person that was wearing it. He was so glad for his new invention that he wanted to show it to his boyfriend and test it. He went to the library, where he supposed his boyfriend would be to talk with Robert and all. He just hoped the older Lightwood wouldn't cause them any problems they couldn't handle at the moment. He walked in and was surprised to see Alec was nowhere to be seen. He turned to leave and search for him, when Isabelle grabbed his arm and stopped him. She recounted everything that had happened in the few hours he had missed and explained that Alec was talking with his parabatai at the moment. She was hopeful that Jace could make him see the truth about his own self.

To say that Magnus was worried was an understatement. His boyfriend was having an existential crisis, drowned in his self-consciousness and poisoned by his lack of self-confidence, and he was not there to help him. He was barely holding himself from running to his room and staying by his side until he saw how capable he was. He could only hope that Jace could do what Magnus couldn't at the moment.

Not a second later Alec walked in the library looking as confident as he had never been before with Jace by his side matching his stride. It seemed as if the two fighters were ready to face whatever was thrown in their way. Magnus tried to catch his boyfriend's eyes to see if everything was really okay or if he was just pretending, but Alec obviously knew that and avoided looking at his direction.

"Robert," Alec started, "have the Shadowhunters arrived?" He asked looking at him, completely into leader's mode.

The Inquisitor clenched his teeth upon noticing his own son was calling him by his name, but he didn't say anything. It was no one's fault but his own that his eldest son held no respect for him. He didn't blame him. He just wished he wasn't too late to fix things. "They have. They are already at the field with some warlocks, as you requested, to mask their presence."

Alec nodded and said "How many are there?"

"About two hundred." Robert said warily.

Alec nodded, but inside he was shaking his head. They were not enough. Their numbers were too little and they didn't know who of the Downworlders would actually show up. They were walking blind into a narc field that if just the wrong step was made, a bomb would explode wiping out the Shadowhunter race. They needed to fix that. They needed to move fast. "What about Jem? Has anyone heard from the Silent Brothers?"

"No," Magnus said, forcing Alec to pay him attention, "but I did what you asked. We should all wear this necklace here" he said showing the one with the white stone on it "and the one who'll do the talking will wear this one" he pointed to a different one with a black stone with grey lines blurring its color on it "and everyone will hear his voice. It is just like the Silent Brother's rune, only with this one it works with both sides. The one wearing the black stone can talk to someone and they can respond, but only to him. And to everyone's mind only the one who wears the black stone can be heard."

"Good." Alec nodded, not keeping his eyes on him for more than he should. He knew Magnus was trying to figure out what he was feeling, because he was worried and he wanted to help, but he didn't know if he wanted him to know what he was feeling. He didn't know if he wanted Magnus to know how terrified he was, how worried, how concerned he was about everyone. This was a huge responsibility he had taken on, and at the moment he had built a wall around his dangerous emotions that no one could demolish. Well, no one but Magnus. "It's time to go." He said, and the atmosphere around him was filled with dread. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped a hundred degrees and a grim setting had taken its place.

This could be their last stand. This could be their last time seeing each other, the last time being together. This could be their last moment to live with their family. It could be the last time they didn't feel alone, the last time of everything. But this could also be the time for a new life, a chance for a new beginning. This could be the first step on the path for happiness. Either way, they had to pursue it. Either way, they had to make their move. They were going to fight to their last breath to have the world they've dreamt of. Tonight, no matter what happens, they are united.

Magnus closed his eyes and concentrated. He chanted the words of the right spell and a glow of blue light appeared in front of him, which soon transformed into a big door leading to anywhere the traveller wanted to. He let everyone go in first, and when he and Alec were the only ones left behind, he grabbed his hand and they walked in together, reveling in the closeness of their significant other, taking in their calming presence.

It was time.

So this happened. I hope you liked it. What do you think about Robert? Will he really try to fix the relationship with his son? And does Magnus have any reason to be worried about Alec? What do you think about what Jace said?

Anyway, no spoiler this time. I mean it's the war. And I just want to warn you that at times of wars there are casualties and losses, and people die. So whatever happens, don't get mad at me? Don't worry I'm not going to make it like George R. R. Martin, where every man must die. But they won't get out of without a scratch either.

So, review, follow, favorite! Anything you want! It is appreciated!

Thank you!