Anna

I shouldn't be here. I absolutely know that I shouldn't be here. I look around and also know that I didn't have a choice. No matter how happy I am, how committed I am to Matt, even how much I love him, it feels like I've always been on a path back to Sidney.

It's midnight and I should be in my hotel room. I'm in Pittsburgh for the campaign and it's a very busy two days. Sid and I are supposed to meet for breakfast in the morning and yet here I am. He hasn't changed his gate code so I'm able to drive up. Standing at his front door, I've never felt so unsure and yet so confident in my life. I ring the bell before I can change my mind.

It takes a few moments but I see the glow of a light spill down the stairs. The stairs light up and then I watch Sid climb down the stairs in his shorts and pulling on a tee shirt. When he gets to the door, he turns on the outside light and peers through the door. He must recognize me immediately because the door unlocks and opens. Sid looks dishevelled and surprised.

"Is everything ok Anna? Come in" he moves back to let me in.

Sid shuts the door and then moves deeper into the hallway.

"Anna?"

"Yes, sorry. I'm ok" I tell him. Suddenly I don't know what to say or even why I'm really here. "I'm not sure why I'm here."

Sid smiles.

"Obviously you came for some reason" he says. "Let me take your coat. Come in."

I pull my coat off and hand it to Sid. He hangs it up while I take off my boots. When I straighten up, Sid is standing close and I can't speak. I can feel that electricity or connection that we've always had between us. It crackles and sparks. Sid feels it too. His lips have parted, his tongue slips out and slides over this full, now wet, lips.

I pull my gaze from his lips up to his eyes. They are wide and staring at me with a heat that brings back delicious memories. I've been thinking about him a lot since our talk at Consol. It's become an obsession. Our last talk should have created closure on our relationship. I should be able to move on and focus on the future; but, instead, I think about Sid all the time and usually exactly like he is now. Hair messed up from his pillow, eyes dark and hot, muscles straining against his tee shirt and, oh my, other areas straining against his shorts.

I lick my lips and watch Sid's gaze look down at them. It's uncertain who moved first but in an instant I'm in his arms and feasting on his lips. Sid pushes me up against the wall with his body. His large, hard leg pushes mine apart and I grind against him to get some relief. It's not nearly enough.

Sid's lips leave mine and travel over my cheek, chin and down my throat. I gasp and cry out as his teeth sink into the sensitive skin at my clavicle. His hands slide down my body and cup my hips. Sid's body slides down mine as his lips follow his hands. He pulls my shirt out of my skirt and kisses my stomach which I feel quiver in response. My skirt bunches at my waist when Sid's hands push it up and he wastes no time pulling down my panties and sliding two fingers in side of me.

I cry out, the pleasure is immediate and overwhelming, instinctively I push my hips into his hand seeking more. I've tried to forget this feeling. For years I've tried to forget what Sid can do to my body, how I respond to him with wild abandon and the need that claws inside of me for the release only Sidney can bring. If I wasn't overwhelmed by the pleasure then I'd be embarrassed by how quickly I succumb to his touch.

My hips gyrate and push as his fingers encircle my entrance and pump in and out. He works me until I'm breathless and begging. I'm only able to stand because I'm resting my hands on his shoulders and he's holding me up at my hips with his free hand. I only notice that his lips have moved from my belly when I feel them against my thigh. His teeth nip and his tongue licks while his fingers continue to work me. The sensations are washing over me one after another and I almost lose consciousness. He leaves soft bites all the way to the apex of my legs and I finally do lose control when he slips a third finger inside of me, stretching me wide, and his lips take my clit and suck hard.

"Ahhhh!"

I stare up at the hotel ceiling, breathing heavily, drenched in sweat and wet and sticky between my legs. Oh my God, I had an orgasm in my sleep, dreaming of Sid. Where the hell did that come from? Of course it's natural that I'd be thinking about him since I'm going to see him tomorrow. The clock corrects me. We're meeting today, for a drink, after my evening event.

There's no way that I'm going to get back to sleep now since I'm sweaty, sticky, and my mind is whirling. My alarm is going to go off in two hours anyway so I get up. Maybe working out will help me with whatever demons I need to excise before I see Sid tonight. It couldn't hurt I guess.

I get dressed quickly and head down to the gym. I guess the one great thing about working out at 4am is that the place is empty. I tune the TV into the local news channel and with the closed captioning so that I can listen to my music while I run.

After Sid and I broke up, I became depressed and busy with my father's campaign. Who knew that heartbreak would cause weight loss? Ironically, I finally became thin enough for my mother and sister. To keep it up, I've had to follow a strict diet and run every day. You can have a couple of extra pounds as a governor's daughter but definitely not has a governor's fiancé and especially when you need to project yourselves as a young and vital couple. Matt's only real competition in this election will be applying for Medicare soon he's so old so we want to take advantage of our 'youthful vigor'.

I notice that my picture is on the TV so I take out my ear buds so that I can hear the sound.

"Anna Stanton is in the 'Burgh again talking about her fiancé, and would-be Governor's, education plan. Here is Cheryl Brennan who has been following the campaign."

The image on the screen switches to a reporter standing in front of the elementary school that I was visiting today.

"Thanks Don" Cheryl says. "Anna Stanton is a favourite here in Pittsburgh and she has been seen often visiting our city to stump for the would-be Governor. I followed Ms Stanton today as she visited with a grade two class and read to them during story time."

The reporter continues to speak as they show video of me walking into the school, meeting with teachers and then reading to the children. They even recorded the moment after I finished the story and one little girl gave me a hug before she left for recess. Then the screen changes back to the reporter.

"Yinzers will remember when we first met Anna Stanton as an intern with the Pens dating our captain Sidney Crosby."

She goes on to recount my internship, publically dating Sid including pictures of us out together, and the publicity around the abortion and everything that followed.

"Today, Ms Stanton will be visiting the performing arts school downtown, meeting with a community group focused on inner city youth and a private event this evening at the Lemieux's home. Mario and Nathalie are close friends of the Stanton's as well as the owners of the Pens."

The story changes so I put my ear buds back in and focus on my running. I can't wait for the day when my names isn't mentioned with Sid or that time two years ago. I'm grateful when my alarm chimes and my hour long run is over. I may do it every day but I hate it.

I wipe the sweat off of my face and neck as I walk back to my room. When I walk in, I receive a text from Matt asking if I'm awake so I call him.

"Hi babe" he answers.

"Hi yourself" I reply. "I thought you got in late last night. You are up very early."

"It's the last ten days" he tells me. "Sleep is for the weak."

"Sleep is a requirement to think straight and, oh yeah, live!"

"What are you doing up so early?" he asks.

"I was just working out."

"This early?"

"I woke up and wanted to do something productive so I went for a run. I saw a segment on the school visit yesterday. It was good footage."

"I saw some of it. That little girl hugging you was adorable" he tells me.

"She was very sweet."

"Did they talk about your internship with the Pens?"

I know what he's asking without really asking it. He wants to know if they talked about the abortion and Sid. He worries about me when I come to Pittsburgh because he knows that I still get questions about that time.

"It was in the piece but I didn't get any questions about it so far."

"Good."

"I'm going to Mario and Nathalie's tonight for dinner. They've invited the mayor and a couple of school superintendents."

"I hope it's not too tedious."

"If it wasn't for Mario and Nathalie then it definitely would be" I tell him. "Thankfully they usually invite a few of their friends who are interesting people and won't try to sell me all night on their education ideas."

"Yeah. Keep me in mind as I'm exhausted bouncing to three events tonight."

"Oh Matt, three? How on earth are you supposed to cram in three events?"

"I don't know but my schedule is planned down to the minute these days. They've even scheduled when I can pee."

I can't help it when I chuckle.

"Ok, thank goodness I'm not as tightly scheduled" I tell him.

"I'm glad they did it. It was getting to the point when I had to beg to simply use the bathroom."

I sit down on the sofa and take a long drink from my bottle of water.

"I'm very happy that they're letting you pee baby" I tell him. I remember that I haven't told him about my drink tonight. "I'm going to have drink tonight with Sid, catch up."

"Oh" is all Matt says.

Hmm, this isn't what I expected.

"Are you concerned about that?" I ask.

Matt pauses before his next words.

"I don't have a concern, per se" he tells me.

"Now you sound like a politician Matt."

"Oh, sorry about that" he tells me and I hear him take a deep breath.

"Talk to me."

"You had a relationship with this guy. You were in love with him. I understand the last time that you met with him was to gain some closure but I don't know about this time. Why Anna?"

I'm surprised that he's concerned about this. He's been supportive and understanding about my relationship with Sid. I feel bad that he feels this way.

"I'm sorry Matt. I didn't even think that you might not want me to meet with him. He asked if I wanted to grab a drink the next time that I was in town so I said yes."

"He asked you?"

"Yes" I reply.

Oh my God, he's jealous. Why didn't I realize that Matt could be jealous? I instantly feel incredibly guilty. How do I handle this?

"I can cancel if you're uncomfortable with it Matt. I would never had agreed if I thought about it. I'm really sorry."

He sighs.

"No, Anna, I'm sorry. Look, he's a past boyfriend of yours who is a rich, professional athlete. It would be easier if he was an ass but he's a great guy too."

"Maybe you want to date him" I joke.

It takes a few moments but Matt does chuckle.

"Ok, funny, ha ha" he says.

"I'm serious Matt. I'll cancel if you don't want me to see him. I understand, honest."

"No, it's ok. I'm being stupid" he tells me.

"No you're not. You're being honest."

"I guess we did promise honesty with each other."

"Yes we did."

"Fine, say hello to Sid for me."

"I will. I'll try to text during the day. Make sure you eat" I tell him.

"Thanks mom."

"Funny man. If you aren't sleeping at least you need to eat well."

"I will" he says. "I love you."

"Love you too."

We disconnect and I finish my bottle of water while considering the conversation about Sid. I guess I never thought about Matt being jealous. It also makes me wonder why Sid wants to get together. He never really said why, he only asked if I wanted to meet. I didn't think anything of it at the time but now I have questions.

No, I'm letting Matt's comments sway me. Sid probably only wants to be friends. Our worlds are going to overlap more and more so it's probably a good idea if we can be friendly. The last time that we met, we cleared the air but it wasn't exactly friendly. Maybe another meeting will help us make that cross over to friends instead of just exes. I guess it's a good idea. I'll know tonight.

Sidney

I'm nervous. There's no way to get around it. I'm definitely nervous. I change my shirt for the tenth time and look at myself in the mirror. Fuck it. The current jeans and tee shirt will have to do because I'm starting to feel self-conscious. Maybe I'm focusing so much on what I'm wearing because I still don't know what I'm going to say to her. The guys were useless at lunch today when I talked to them about meeting with Anna tonight. So much for my French mafia.

I head back downstairs and open a bottle of red wine in case she wants some. The bottle is from my trip to France and I've been keeping it for a special occasion. This feels like one; or, at least it partially feels that way. The other part of me feels nauseous.

The family room seems like the best place to chat. The kitchen is too much like friends having coffee and the living room is way too formal. I put the Caps/Habs game on TV to try and distract myself from staring at my watch. She's at Mario's tonight for dinner with some of his friends and local politicians. Nathalie asked if I wanted to attend and, after finding out that it wasn't necessary, I definitively said 'no.' I hate those kind of evenings where everyone is bragging and trying to impress each other while remaining politically correct. It's tedious, boring and I usually want to stick a fork in my eye.

Instead, I wait impatiently for Anna while watching Price make a save after save on Ovi. The Habs are going to be one of the teams to beat this year and Price is playing better than ever which I didn't think was possible. If he stays healthy this year then we're all in trouble. Washington has been bleeding talent because of their cap space so they are partially rebuilding their bottom two forward lines. Part of me feels bad for Ovechkin. One of the best guys to ever play the game and yet he's never won the Cup. The closest they came was the year we won it. They won the Presidents cup and everyone thought they were going to win it all. I can't help smiling thinking about how we beat them in six games. Ovi had two points in the series. I had eight. Good times.

The doorbell rings and almost jump out of my skin. The game distracted me so much that I've lost track of time and Anna's here. I stand and take a couple of deep breaths. This is the first time that Anna has been to my house since we broke up. Usually I wouldn't have suggested my place but she was around the corner at Mario's so it made the most sense. Now she's here and I have to wipe my hands on my jeans to dry off the sweat.

After one more deep breath, I walk to the door. When I open it, Anna is standing there smiling and looking impossibly beautiful. My heart actually skips a beat I'm so overwhelmed by the moment; but, I hide it quickly and step back for her to come in.

"Hi" I tell her.

"Hi" she replies and steps inside.

As she passes me, she kisses my cheek and I can smell her perfume. It's light and soft and feels familiar and exotic at the same time.

As we chat, I lead her into the kitchen.

"How was dinner?" I ask.

"Tedious" she answers and we both laugh.

"Wine?" I ask.

"Sure. I deserve a glass after being so pleasant all night."

"That bad huh?"

"Not really I guess" she says. "I've been to worse and the Lemieux's friends are great. It's really the local politicians that drive me crazy because they're always trying to prove themselves or sound important. The mayor is the worse."

"Oh yeah, I saw him at a foundation event recently and all he did was spout stats on the Pens all night. The problem is that they were all wrong. If I had to listen to him for another moment I thought that I might punch him out."

We both laugh and I hand her a glass of wine before we go into the family room and sit down. Anna sits on the sofa and I sit in a chair facing her. She smiles and I feel my heart warm. Unfortunately I also feel nauseous from nerves.

"How is the campaign going? I bet you're both crazy busy" I say.

Anna sits back on the sofa and curls up against one of the pillows with her legs curled under her. Seeing Anna on my sofa, relaxed and smiling, brings back some great memories that I hope won't stay in the past. I want to build more memories.

"It is crazy busy. We've divided up for the past couple of weeks and then we'll do the last two days of traveling together" she tells me. "I think this is the last quiet moment I may have until after the election."

"How is your mom doing?"

"She's thrown herself into charity work to keep busy. She's working with the cancer association focusing specifically on pancreatic cancer."

"Because that's what your dad had."

"Yes."

"How are you doing? You really haven't had a moment for yourself since the funeral Anna. Are you ok?"

"You're right" she says. "I don't think I've had a moment to think since the funeral. It's just too busy and there's too much to do. I really want to take a few days off after the election. Matt will need to start setting up his administration but I'm hoping that I can convince him to take a few days' vacation, maybe go somewhere warm, do nothing on a beach for a few days."

"Will you have a role in the administration?" I ask.

"I don't know. Matt doesn't want to talk about it until after the election. He thinks it would be bad luck to discuss it while we're still campaigning. I thought you were superstitious, you should see some of Matt's" she shakes her head. "Actually, you're still worse."

"I don't think anyone has more routines than I do."

"Right, routines. Ok, we'll call them that if it makes you feel better."

I watch as she takes another sip of her wine. A drop slides down the side of the glass which she wipes with her finger. My eyes follow as her tongue slides out and licks up the drop from her finger. I can feel my body tighten in response. I remember clearly how that tongue feels on my body. How those lips feel as they suck my …

"Sid?"

I hear my name and look up to see Anna smirking at me.

"Sorry, what?" I ask.

"Did I lose you?"

"My mind just wandered for a moment. Sorry."

"I watched the Stanley Cup finals last year" she tells me. "I was so proud when you won the Conn Smythe. It almost killed me that it went to seven games. My nerves were shot by the end."

"Mine too" I tell her.

"You played so well Sidney. The whole team did. Everyone is talking about a repeat this year you know?"

"I know. They're always talking about us winning the Cup; especially at the beginning of the season."

Ok, enough small talk. I really need to just take a deep breath and get to it. I down my glass of wine for courage.

"Anna, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"I wondered if this was more than a friendly, come by and have a glass of wine, visit."

I put my glass down, walk over to the sofa and sit on the coffee table so that I am directly in front of Anna.

"What's going on Sid?" she asks softly.

I decide to start at the beginning.

"Our last conversation meant a lot to me Anna. For the past two years, I've been in a fog without realizing it. My life was solely focused on hockey when I first started in the NHL. As a kid, my parents made sure that I had a balanced life with hockey, school, friends and family. When I finally go to the NHL it was the dream I'd always wanted so I focused on doing my very best at it. I also knew that Mario was going to retire soon and I only had a short time to learn from him. My life was hockey, period."

She looks quizzical but nods her understanding.

"Anyway, when I had my concussions, my entire world was turned upside down and I was potentially facing a life without hockey. That life was empty. I had family and friends but that was it. So I decided to broaden my life beyond hockey. Then I met you and my life turned upside down and I understood how my life could be balanced between hockey and family, my own family. We didn't know each other long but I had started planning a life with you. Then, in one moment, all of those plans, all of those dreams, died."

I take a deep breath. She's still listening so that's a good sign.

"Anyway" I continue. "I didn't know how to handle our break up. I just shut down and that's how I've stayed for two years. It wasn't until some friends had an intervention recently and pointed it out to me that I saw what's been going on."

"Friends" she says. "Marc Andre, Kris and Dupuis?"

"How'd you know?"

"It's not hard to guess. They're your best friends."

"Yeah, well, they pointed out that I wasn't really living and they were right. They are right. It made me ask myself why."

"And did you find an answer?" she asks.

Ok, this is it. I take a deep breath and look for the courage to be honest.

"Yeah, I did" I tell him. "Part of it was the way it ended. We never talked after you left and it always felt unfinished."

"We finished that a couple weeks ago."

"Yeah" I agree.

"And what's the other part."

"I love you" I blurt out.

Oh fuck. I didn't mean to blurt it out like that. I watch Anna pale and her mouth open like she's going to say something but nothing comes out. I feel compelled to explain myself.

"I kept trying to convince myself that I didn't but I can't hide from it anymore. I still love you Anna. All those plans I had for our life together have never completely gone away. We can still have that Anna. We can still have a life together, a family, anything we want."

Anna still hasn't said a word or even moved. I know that I've surprised her but she's starting to freak me out sitting so silent and still. I'm concerned that she's going to drop her glass of wine, since her hand has gone slack, so I take it from her and put it on the coffee table. Anna looks down at her hands and I can see the exact moment when she looks at her engagement ring. She stands suddenly and walks across the room to the sliding doors where she stares out into the darkness. Only the moon illuminates the yard.

"It's been two years Sidney" she whispers.

"I know."

"I'm engaged."

"I know."

"I love him."

"I know" I tell her. "I feel horrible about all of that, honestly, but it doesn't change how much I love you."

Anna's back is to me but I can see her reflection in the dark window. She looks confused and sad. I desperately want to take her in my arms and comfort her.

"Anna" I say softly.

She turns slowly. Her eyes are wet with her arms are wrapped around herself.

"It's too late" she whispers and a tear slides down her cheek.

It's too heartbreaking to sit and watch her so I stand and walk over stopping only when I'm directly in front of her.

"It's too late" she says again.

I feel panic wash over me. I knew this was an option but I didn't want to believe it. She can't be right. It can't be too late for us.

"It's not too late" I tell her. "It can't be too late."

Something snaps and I pull Anna into my arms. The moment our lips meet, it feels right, it feels natural. I can't help but notice the differences in Anna's body against mine. She's the same but not the same.

Slowly I feel her lips respond to mine. Her arms are trapped against my body but Anna takes a small step back, still keeping her lips on mine, so that she can free her arms. I hope she's not going to push me away and my concerns are allayed when I feel her hands on my arms, sliding up until she can circle my neck and pull me tightly to her erasing that small step back she took.

I don't know how long we kiss. My hands explore, relearning her body and noticing the differences, enjoying the sighs and mews that escape her. When her fingers dig in and clutch my hair, I groan. Muscle memory has us remembering how to pleasure each other and I wonder how I've lasted two years without this woman in my arms.

Suddenly she pulls away and pushes at my chest. I try to pull her back into my arms but she firmly presses me back so I stay away.

"Sid, stop, please."

Her eyes are full of tears again and her lips plump and wet from mine. She looks sad and it breaks my heart.

"Sidney, I'm engaged. We can't do this" she tells me.

She's right of course. I didn't plan on touching her, kissing her, but it just happened and then I couldn't stop.

"I'm sorry" I tell her. "I shouldn't have done that."

"You didn't do it alone" she says and looks down at her engagement ring.

I definitely feel guilty for how upset Anna now is and for doing this to Matt. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve being treated this way.

I take two steps back to remove the temptation to touch her again. My hands are literally tingling with need to feel her skin. My entire body feels need for hers.

"I need to go" she says.

"I understand" I reply. "But, Anna, you haven't said anything about, you know." I can't say the 'l' word again.

"I'm engaged to a man that I love Sidney."

"Have you ever noticed that you only call me Sidney when you're emotional?" I ask without thinking.

She looks surprised but I can see that she agrees. I've never noticed that before today. My mom calls me Sidney, she always has, and so did my grandmothers. Anna is the only other person who uses my full name. Could she still love me? She hasn't said anything about my declaration. All she keeps talking about is her commitment to Matt. I step closer to her and cup her cheek.

"Don't" she says. "Please."

"Tell me that you don't love me too and I'll stop. All you have to do is tell me that you don't love me Anna."

For the briefest of moments, she leans into my hand before she walks away again. I'm more certain then every that she still loves me. When I ask her, she has to physically put distance between us. I don't want to hurt Anna, and she's clearly not happy right now, but I have to know. She needs to know too.

"Tell me Anna. You just have to tell me that you don't love me."

She turns back to me, her eyes filled with tears, and it pains me to watch.

"I can't" she whispers.

She loves me. I knew it. Why don't I feel happier?

"That doesn't change anything Sid. I'm engaged to Matt, a man I love remember, and this" she gestures between us "isn't right."

I can't disagree with her. I've felt guilty for days knowing that there is no outcome here when everyone walks away happy. If I have my way then it's Matt who gets screwed.

"I know Anna" I tell her. "But you can't just ignore that you love me, that I love you, and go on with your life. Too much has changed to go on as normal."

She rubs her hands over her arms hugging herself. I've noticed this a few times, a new gesture that she does like she's trying to comfort herself.

"This is crazy" she says. "It's been two years, we're different people, and we've been through so much. Sid, we're in an election and Matt could be Governor next week. I love him."

I feel panic bubble up and I can't let her get away again.

"Stop saying that!" I yell at her. "I know that you love Matt, ok? He's a great guy who has a great future in front of him. He'd probably make a great Governor and husband. I've been saying that to myself for a long time. I only have one reason why we shouldn't just walk away. We love each other."

"Oh Sidney" she says.

That's the moment when I see it in her eyes and I know that I've lost. I laid my heart out for her, my very soul, and we've had an honest conversation and yet I've still lost. It's too late. I'm two years too late. All I'm left with is a bucket full of regrets and a broken heart. It's over. I really thought that, once I told her how I felt, she would admit she loves me too and we would be together. It wouldn't be that simple of course. She's engaged and there's an election next week – holy shit, Duper is right, I'm living a fucking tele novella! All we need is a long lost uncle coming back from the dead.

"Sid, I made a commitment to Matt and that matters to me. No, our relationship didn't start out as a torrid love affair. We never got trapped in an elevator or innocently tried things we'd only read in books. But what we have is an honest and, yes, loving relationship. Oh God."

She covers her face with her hands and sinks down to the sofa. I want to go to her, take her in my arms and offer comfort; but, she's made it clear that's not my job any more. I don't have a right to offer her comfort or anything else, especially when I'm the cause of this current angst.

"Ok, Anna, I didn't want to cause you pain. I don't want to cause you pain. You deserve a happy and wonderful life full with everything you've always wanted. You'll be able to work in the administration doing PR which is what you love. I only want your happiness Anna and if it's with Matt" I trail off there.

"I'm so confused" I vaguely hear her say.

Confused?

"I should go" she says and stands. "I need to call a cab."

"I'll drive you" I tell her.

"No, Sid, really, I can take a cab."

I take a deep breath. No matter what has happened, I will not let her take a cab.

"I can drive you. It won't take that long at this time of night" I tell her.

She gives me a watery smile and nods.

"Thank you."

I take both of our wine glasses to the kitchen and then meet Anna at the door where she's putting on her coat. I grab my own and my keys then we're out the door. When we get in the car, Anna tells me which hotel she's staying at and we're quickly on our way.

The tension between us is thick and heavy. I hate that I'm he cause; but, when I think about it, and I'm honest with myself, I would do the same thing again. It's better to have taken the chance and now know that she chooses Matt than living the rest of my life in limbo and not knowing.

Thankfully I was right and it didn't take long to drive to her hotel. I pull into a parking spot up front rather than directly to the entrance.

"Anna" I begin but don't know what to say after that.

"I know" she says softly. "We can't see each other anymore Sidney."

There's my full name again.

What? I hadn't thought about never seeing Anna again, maybe I should have, but I'm still surprised. I don't want to admit that she's right but I know she is. If I'm going to get over her, if that's even possible, then there needs to be a clean break. We have closure, which I didn't have two years ago, and now I just need to move on. That's easy to say but it might just kill me to do it.

"Ok" I reply.

I can feel her looking at me so I turn towards her. She cups my cheek, leans in and lightly kisses my lips.

"I'll always love you Sidney."

I can't speak, which doesn't really matter because everything I wanted to say, I've said. All that's left to do is watch her get out of my car, walk through the hotel doors and out of my life forever.