DISCLAIMER: This work of fiction is a non-profit, amateur effort and is not intended in anyway to infringe on the rights of Stephanie Meyer who created the wonderful Twilight Saga.

Thank you for all your kind words for my 'flapping' over the previous chapter, it seems I didn't have to worry after all and you all understood where Alice was coming from *whew*. A quick "thank you" to all the new readers who have added me to their Alerts, I hope you're enjoying it. And guess what? The story has made it to 100 reviews. YAY! So that's another 'thank you' to everyone who has taken the time to review. OK, on we go - Jasper's take on events, the usual warnings apply.

Stop The Merry-Go-Round

Chapter Thirty Seven: Finding Alice

Jaspers Point of View

Emmett laughed boisterously for Rosalie's benefit as he gave his account of what he'd said to James but I could see the coldness in his eyes. He'd quickly become attached to his little 'gypsy girl' and he'd meant every single fucking word. I was actually surprised James had made it out of the hospital still in one piece. Emmett was a wall of solid muscle and could be a mean son of a bitch when he wanted to be despite outward appearances to the contrary. As he related what had happened my throat began tighten and I was finding it increasingly difficult to swallow. Dread settled, an oppressive weight across my shoulders, a queasy sensation in my gut. Where the fuck was she? I gnawed at a tiny piece of loose skin on my thumb before thrusting my fingers absently through my hair, Emmett caught my agitated movements and interpreted them immediately. He gave me a small smile,

"C'mon cowboy let's go find your girl."

I looked sheepishly at Rosalie who had her nose firmly tucked away in the pages of some fashion magazine,

"I'm sorry Rose I…"

Raising one elegant eyebrow in a look of genuine surprise she laughed off my apology,

"I can't believe it's taken you this long the way you've been chewing at your nails. I was worried at first that we hadn't packed enough for you to eat then I realised that Alice had been away from your side for…ooooo…what? Twenty minutes. Now go. Seek. Find."

She returned to her reading, snorting with displeasure over something or someone, with Rosalie you could never tell and most times, I'd already learnt, it was better not to ask!

As my eyes roved the beach frantically in all directions I cursed myself over and over. I'd taken my eyes off her sexy ass for all of five minutes and she'd disappeared. Gone. Fuck! Emmett punched me lightly on the arm, without realising it I'd spoken aloud,

"She won't have gone far Jazz. Relax man we'll find her in a minute."

I swallowed thickly willing myself to calm down but if Emmett was right why did I still have the jitters? I shook my head, no something was very wrong. She was alone and she was scared. I could feel it.

"Fuck it Bear I knew it. What if he followed her? What if he's grabbed her? Goddamn it I can't do this! Where the hell is she?"

I glared with irrational anger at the families scattered around on the golden sand, they sat and laughed, playing, enjoying each others company totally oblivious to the murderous rage that was growing exponentially with my inability to find Alice.

"Cowboy."

Emmett was only a few paces ahead and his voice, laced thickly with concern, fell back to me easily,

"Cowboy she's here. NO! Don't rush her. Something's happened. Something's not right. Take it easy."

I barrelled passed him grabbing for her. I needed to assuage the guilt that had held me tightly in its embrace for the last few minutes and the only way I could do that was to haul her into my arms and have her tell me that this was okay, that she was alright, that we were alright. I was so far gone I hadn't even seen her body recoil away from my touch. Emmett had. He'd missed nothing,

"Jesus H Christ didn't you hear me? Reel it in Jazz and calm the fuck down. She's not… Something's not… C'mon let's see if we can get her out of the water without her freaking out. She's soaked."

He knocked my hand away and I bit back a curse because I was seeing her properly now, seeing the same thing Emmett was and it scared the fucking daylight out of me,

"I know that look cowboy. I've seen you traumatised more times than I want to think about and I know that fuckin' look."

I knew it too, I'd been haunted by it every time I looked in the mirror for longer than I cared to remember.

"Emmett!"

As I said his name I saw an almost imperceptible movement of her head as though she were turning to the direction of our voices. Whatever had happened and something had happened she was still aware…in some capacity,

"Em' don't. She's reacting. She can hear you, us."

My palms were sweating and I rubbed them ineffectively against my jeans.

"Alice sweetheart? Honey it's Emmett. I'm just gonna pick you up okay? You must have slipped."

Son of a bitch! What in God's name was he thinking by touching her? A deep, inhuman sound echoed from somewhere within me and my eyes blazed with the heat of my anger. Emmett's temper met mine head on,

"For fucks sake cowboy give it a rest. You're in no condition to do it so get the hell outta the way!"

Stunned into silence I could only watch as he lifted her easily from the small pool of sea water she'd been sitting in and began to stride carefully over the sand. Trying my damnedest to keep my touch brisk and impersonal as we moved I felt over her body for wounds trying not to linger over the curve of her neck, the swell of her breast, this was not the brush of a lovers' hands against the silken skin of the woman he cherished this was… this was….

"Jasper."

My head shot up and I quickly schooled my face to a calm mask, hoping she hadn't noticed my unease. Her faint voice was tempered with impatience, had I been so absorbed in my task that she'd been speaking to me and I hadn't heard her? More to the point did I really give a fuck so long as she was awake? I felt my shoulders sag with relief as I realised her smoky eyes were not only open but that they were fixed on me. Even like this she dazzled me.

"Thank God."

Emmett smoothly settled Alice back on her feet, his big hands hovering at her sides ready to steady or catch her if she wavered. A natural protector. I saw the questions he wanted to ask but knew he wouldn't, he was a seasoned professional at this, he'd been dealing with me long enough to know when to leave shit the hell alone. I scrubbed my fingers awkwardly through my hair, I was exhausted, my mind still plaguing me with what could have happened and then I felt her touch. She rested a petite hand lightly against my face and the trembling, the tiny shudders that had been wracking my body since Emmett had first seen her - sitting still and deathly pale in the water - stopped. That brief connection was all it took for her to calm me.

"I'm sorry Jazz I didn't mean to scare you."

I nodded and knew my body was swaying unwittingly closer to hers, the way it always did when we were together and I was powerless to stop it,

"I know darlin' but you did. I thought he'd… I thought that bastard had.…"

Bleak. Hollow. Despondent. Images, snap-shots of her ruined body swirled in my head as my stomach churned. I twisted a lock of her hair around my finger and as the sun played across the fine strands I noticed that they were so black as to look almost blue. Abstract thoughts. Ramblings. Because I was hoping against hope that she hadn't seen all that reflected in my eyes. I tried to smile,

"Erm hellooooooo! Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?"

I caught Emmett's astute look over the top of Alice's head, he knew I was having a problem dealing the situation and he was stepping into the mix to save my ass… yet again. I inclined my head just a touch so that he knew I appreciated the gesture.

"I'm sorry Emmett" Alice's sing-song voice was just a little too shrill, her words just a little too fast "I shouldn't have wandered off where you guys couldn't see me. I sometimes come over faint when my blood sugar drops usually I know it's happening but not all the time. I guess when I laid back on that rock I dozed off and it must of happened then. I'm really sorry. I hope I haven't ruined your day?"

That was her explanation? Really? I could read the disbelief plainly on Emmett's face and I knew that she hadn't fooled him anymore than she had me. He was just prepared to let it go. Me? Not so fuckin' much!

"Nah you didn't spoil anyone's day gypsy girl we were getting ready to head back anyway. Look I'm gonna go help Rosie pack the rest of the stuff, you guys erm take your time."

Once Emmett was out of hearing distance I enfolded Alice into my arms, holding her tightly to my chest. I wanted her to feel my still hammering heart and know what she'd put me through,

"Jesus fuckin' Christ Ali what happened to you? And don't even think of tryin' to feed me that bullshit you just gave Emmett which, incase you were wonderin', he didn't swallow for a second."

She tensed and tried to pull back but that wasn't happening, not in this lifetime. I tugged her even nearer confining her against my larger body using my size to imprison her not even close to caring that I was invading her personal space,

"I don't know if I… Jasper I…."

I sighed. How could someone who took so much on faith, who believed we shared a destiny years before she knew I truly existed outside of her dreams, not believe that I would never leave her? She trusted me with so much but she couldn't trust in me.

"Take your time darlin' we've been over this, I ain't goin' anywhere."

As I said those words it hit me. Jesus I could be slow sometimes. Alice couldn't let herself trust me because of that damn vision. With all the shit that had happened it'd gone right out of my head but now it came crashing back with the velocity of a freight train. How desolate she'd looked, how broken. Her voice was laced with torment even now,

"Jazz can we not do this? I just… I can't go into it here it's… it's too complicated."

"Alright" I agreed grudgingly "we need to get you home and out of those wet clothes anyway but once we get you sorted, you're explainin' this to me right?"

She didn't say anything as I slowly released her catching one hand at the last second and threading her fingers through mine we walked in contemplative silence back to Emmett and Rose.

The suns glowing rays were still dancing merrily across the waves forming out at sea as sand fairies flitted over the beach, the gentle breeze stirring them to life and keeping them dancing in my field of vision. It should have been perfect but because of our fucked up lives it wasn't. It was just another hot day. Rosalie was sitting on the hood of the jeep with a bottle of water in one hand and two medication bottles in the other, her bare feet were swinging back and forth landing with a rhythmic thud against the polished metal. I looked at Emmett in awe and he had the good grace to look abashed,

"What could I do man it's too hot to sit inside and I didn't want her sitting on the damn floor!"

Rosalie coughed drawing our attention to her and she shook all the bottles she was holding with mock severity,

"Drugs dude and dudette! It's pill poppin' time people. You two need to start following the doctor's orders or you'll end up right back at the hospital. Jasper" she threw me the water before deftly unscrewing a white plastic cap and palming two tablets "these are for you and Alice sweetie" she passed my bottle and lid to Emmett to close and opened Alice's "these two little beauties are for you."

"Jeez mom do we get a piece of candy for bein' good?"

I whined sarcastically but one glance from Rosalie and I took the damn pills before yanking open the door and climbing ineptly onto the back seat of the jeep as soon as I was done I passed the water to Alice. When she'd swallowed her meds Emmett helped Alice up trying to jostle her as little as possible to save her from hurting her ribs and then climbed in the drivers seat.

"Music alright for everyone?"

Without actually waiting for an answer Emmett started fiddling with the stereo that he'd recently installed in the truck, there were far too many lights and buttons for my taste but he liked it and he said that his baby liked it so I guess that was all that mattered. The soft strains of She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5 filled the jeep and through half-closed eyes I watched Alice until, in a repeat of our first journey together in the back of Emmett's baby, her eyes drifted slowly shut and she fell asleep.

"How you doing cowboy? Emmett asked with undisguised curiosity. "She tell you anything?"

I leaned my head back and ground my teeth in frustration, ignoring his first question I answered his second,

"Nope. Not a fuckin' word. But she's gonna tell me when we get back!"

Rosalie half turned, curling both legs under her on the seat she rested her chin on one tastefully manicured hand, I wasn't sure Emmett's baby would ever recover from the indignity - bare feet, actual human flesh on her seats,

"Go easy on Alice Jasper. Something's bothering her and we can all see how upset she is. Don't push it. Let her come to you in her own time, something tells me it'll be better that way…for both of you."

I didn't know what to say, how to respond because it wasn't my place to tell Alice's story so giving Rose a small smile hoping she knew I wasn't dismissing her out of hand I stared blankly out of the window seeing nothing.