EPOV
I felt like someone had just torn a hole through my chest, so it took me a moment to catch my breath. There was a time when this feeing would have had me on the phone to Carlisle's office in a fucking heartbeat, but now Carlisle was recovering from heart surgery, and it was actually his newest hire that was causing the pain. Well, his new hire and her daughter, to be exact. Standing there in my parents' foyer with my arms around Bella and Ness, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that this wasn't some wayward disease or metastatic cancer attacking my heart, but love larger and more certain than I'd ever felt before.
Little Bell hugged her arms around my neck. Just a month ago they were chubby, like little sausages, but they'd grown longer and thinner since I'd seen her last, not to mention that her cheeks were flatter, her hair longer, her eyes more introspective. She'd changed so much since I'd held her in my arms and I couldn't help but regret that I'd never get that time back. I kissed the top of her head and silently swore never to let her out of my sight for that long again.
"Carlisle sent me to come get you two," I explained to Bella and Little Bell after I found my voice.
"That man," Esme admonished. "Not a word to him about the office, Bella, please?"
"I, uh…" Bella stammered, and I realized she was just as overwhelmed as I was.
"I think he was more interested in this little one here," I assured Esme as I tickled Little Bell's ribs. She giggled and squirmed in my arms and she clutched my neck that much tighter. "He hasn't seen you in forever, Little Bell."
Little Bell's face became instantly serious. "Not forever, Ewoord. He see'ed me when mama was sad and maked a big mess upstairs when Jake died."
I blinked, unsure what to say. The shock of that particular memory was plain in Little Bell's big brown eyes. She didn't lock it away; she carried it in her consciousness so matter-of-factly that it inspired awe and made me ache to protect her, all at once. I was at a loss as to what to say, and I could see why Bella had started her in therapy. Although, in truth, hers was probably a healthier reaction than most adults could muster.
"Carlisle was so helpful when I was sad, wasn't he?" Bella asked Ness in a soft mommy voice. "And Edward was too, right?" she continued, smiling up at me.
"Ewoord hold-ed me, helped me brush my teeth, and he sleeped with me," Ness agreed.
"He did?" Bella asked, her eyes suddenly bright with tears. "I didn't know." Little Bell nodded her head in response.
"We're lucky to have them, huh?" Bella asked, her lips so close to my face that they were suddenly all I could see. Her kiss was sweet as she pressed her lips against mine, but the hand she slid over my ass said something a little different.
"How often I am going to have to thank you?" she asked me, her lips whispering against my jaw, her fingers pinching.
"Why don't you wait on the rest of them until our date?" I suggested as my hand drifted towards her ass too.
"A date?" Nessie giggled, shaking me from my Bella-induced trance. "What's a date?"
I closed my eyes and took a step away from Bella. I'd been so fucking turned on by her presence, I'd practically forgotten the little girl I was holding on my hip.
"Why don't we take you to see Carlisle, Vanessa?" Esme offered. If I'd nearly forgotten about Ness, I hadn't even remembered that Esme was in the same city, let alone the same hallway.
"Christ," I mumbled, and Bella's cheeks turned a pretty shade of rose.
Ness wriggled to let me know she needed to be put down. She grabbed Esme's hand and began chattering to her about rocks and coloring books and mammary glands, I think. My aunt swept quickly past us, keeping her eyes carefully trained on Little Bell, and trying to suppress a knowing smile.
Suddenly alone, Bella and I regarded one another from opposite sides of the hall. I had a brief flash of the summer afternoon when she'd bumped into Tanya and I in the same spot… she'd been so tan and pretty in that wispy white dress, blushing, just like she was now. Aside from her pink cheeks, though, every fucking thing in the world had changed.
"Um," Bella stammered, flattening her palms against the wall on either side of her.
"I know," I laughed.
She smiled at looked at her shoes and her hair fell in front of her eyes. It was my fucking cue.
"Thanks for coming, tonight, B," I murmured. Two steps closed the distance and my fingers brushed the veil from her face and tipped her chin upwards.
"I'm still afraid," she admitted, and I noticed that her eyes looked brittle, like they might shatter. "But I didn't want to keep you apart anymore. You… you know, I didn't know you wanted that… Ness, I mean. I didn't know. I wanted it, but it didn't make sense, and Ness -"
"Shh," I murmured, as I brushed my hand down her neck, down her arm. "Don't, Bella. It's okay. I just… I missed you."
She smiled at that and blinked, and her eyes turned warm and the fear was gone for the moment. "Me too."
Her hand strayed to my ass again.
"I missed that," I amended, as my hand raced down her back to catch up.
"I missed it more," she challenged brushing her lips against my neck.
"Im-fucking-possible," I chuckled, delighted. She hadn't talked to me like that in forever… not since sometime before hell had decided to rain down on the two of us. And suddenly we were kissing, groping, exploring like two kids. The feel of her bare legs, her ass, her skin was like a revelation. I palmed her breast through her dress and… wait, was that her breast? Really?
Bella's body tensed like she could read my mind.
"Baby?" I breathed, removing my hand, gasping, feeling foolish and hoping that Bella hadn't suddenly remembered her edict about taking things slow.
"Um…" she hedged, righting her dress. Shit, was the waiting version of Bella back? Because while I'd managed to move my hand, my eyes were still firmly fixed on her chest, and the desire to finger her erect nipples was pretty fucking irresistible. "They're sore," she explained.
"And enormous," I blurted out.
"For me, anyway. But you haven't really seen anything yet."
"You've got that fucking right," I mumbled. It would be so easy to pull that stretchy fabric out of the way. I gripped Bella's waist securely, just to keep my hands in place.
"That's not exactly what I meant," she said, ducking her head, helping me to remember that those tits came with a face. "Jesus, you really would like a mammary book, wouldn't you?" she laughed.
"What?" I asked, somehow missing her jump from boobs to books. "Are you trying to tell me they're going to get bigger?"
Bella nodded her head, laughing, and her body shook a little, and her tits hinted at what they could do when she was really being… "Fuck me," I muttered.
"Not here," she laughed. But I kissed her anyway, because, then, at least I could press myself against her, I could let her feel how ready I was to fuck her. I let my cock chip away at her ideas about taking things 'slow'.
And it seemed to fucking work as she sighed, as those little sounds lost themselves in the back of her mouth, as she pressed her hips forward angling for friction.
"So, tomorrow night," I mumbled as I kissed behind her ear.
"When you… date… the hell… out… of me?" she gasped and giggled as she nipped along my neck.
"Anything else you want me to do?"
"Do you have plans?" she asked as her fingers slipped from my chest to my abs to the buckle of my belt. I took another chance with her breast, skimming a nipple with my thumb. Air whistled past Bella's teeth and she arched her back and pressed her tits into my waiting palms.
"Christ," I murmured.
"Bella," she answered, and we both laughed at her goofy joke, before I slipped my hands back around to her ass and kissed her again and… stopped holding back. I needed this: to be with her, close to her, inside of her. The need to have her had fought its way back to the fucking surface, and fuck if I didn't want to pull her upstairs to my old room and pop her breasts out of that little black dress and pull down her panties…
And my cousin was suddenly somewhere behind me laughing. "And Bella didn't want a sleep over."
"Fucking Christ, Alice," I sighed, panting, my forehead pressed against Bella's. Her eyes mirrored my need, and I pressed myself against her, her hips flush with mine.
"Get a room, Big Brother."
"Speak for your fucking self," I mumbled, bringing to mind recent memories of skirting around Alice as she had her tongue rammed down J's throat. The moment was officially dashed to hell.
"We're doing the rock thing early, before dinner, while it's still light and, probably more because dad's still feeling up to it. Mom sent me to get you guys."
"Fuck," I mumbled again. Bella stroked my jaw – as if that would calm me down. I guess I hadn't mentioned to her yet that somewhere along the line those nerves had become hardwired to my cock.
"I'll give you guys a few," Alice giggled, and I closed my eyes and waited until I heard her footsteps fade.
"So," Bella laughed. "We should probably go."
"The Cullens and their goddamned rocks," I grumbled. "They should rebuild that wall and be done with it."
Bella tugged my belt loop. "No, I want to be there for this tonight. Ness and I have something for you." I gave in and I let her tug me towards the back door, probably because it was the closest her hand had been to my cock in a while. I hooked a finger through the tie around Bella's waist. She leaned against my hand and I think she took a quick sidelong glance at my crotch. Another look like that and we were skipping the rock ceremony.
But Little Bell came running in from the back yard shouting my name, and, well, I guess getting her mom naked could wait. For now.
"Do you have it, mama?" the little girl asked breathlessly. "Can I give it to him? Pa-lease?"
"Of course, baby. You're the one that found it," Bella replied as she began to rifle through the purse hanging on her shoulder.
"Don't let him see it!" Nessie shouted, jumping between me and the purse like her life depended on it. Bella plopped something into Nessie's palm and Nessie quickly hid her hands behind her back.
"Close your eyes, Ewoord, and put out your hands," she commanded very seriously.
Bella smiled and shook her head a little, and I did what I was told. Something small and smooth dropped into my waiting palm, and I immediately knew what it was.
"I see'ed it at Jake's beach," Ness explained. "It's a da-, a Ewoord rock, I mean. An' now you can open your eyes an' look."
The stone was deep purple, shiny, smooth, and flat.
"I know-ed it was your rock when I see-ed it."
I was at a loss for words; or, at least, any words that came out of my mouth would have been unintelligible, involving copious amounts of swearing. I needed to learn to watch that shit in front of the kids.
"You like it?" Little Bell asked.
"Thank you, Little Bell. I love it."
She threw her arms around my waist, and I held her close, blown away that with everything she'd gone through, three thousand miles away at Jake's funeral, she'd remembered me.
"What's that in your pocket, Ewoord?" Ness asked rubbing her little hand, well, in the vicinity. Bella cleared her throat, her eyes going wide.
"No, Jesus, Bella, it's just a rock in my pocket," I laughed, more than a little fucking uncomfortable. I pulled out the round green stone Bella had given me earlier in the week, the one for the peanut.
"You have two," Ness said, a puzzled expression on her face.
Bella leaned against the wall, shaking, gasping for air. "And I thought… you… were just happy to see me," she laughed.
"Why is a rock funny?" Ness asked.
"It's not, Little Bell. Your mom just thinks she's a fucking comedian."
"I hoped you'd bring it," Bella said, trying to regain her composure, glancing more than once at my, um, pockets. "Now there's one for each of us." She produced two more stones from her purse, and Ness showed me which one was hers and which was her mom's.
"But who is Ewoord's nother one for?" Ness asked, as I let her roll the green stone around in her palm.
"It's a baby rock, Ness," Bella said.
"Yeah, cause it's little," Ness agreed, accepting Bella's explanation with a shrug.
I raised my eyebrows at Bella. Were we really going to do this shit now? But Bella subtly shook her head, instead, letting Ness play with the baby rock for a bit.
"Not yet," she whispered as we walked hand in hand out the back door. "Let's wait a few weeks, just in case. She's dealt with enough loss for a lifetime."
"Shit, B, I don't even want to think -"
"No matter what, we'd help each other through it," she assured me.
I glanced down at Little Bell doting over the baby stone, and I fucking prayed we didn't have to cross that bridge. I understood all too well what Bella was trying to explain earlier when she said that she was scared. This shit was for real. When Bella came here with Ness today, we'd jumped in with both feet, and the three and a half of us were together now, and it was as terrifying as it was awesome.
xXxXx
He was too thin, his skin too gray, and he chose to stay in the chaise instead of stand, but you couldn't miss how happy Carlisle was to have us with him that evening. Esme sat gingerly on the edge of his seat, clutching his hand, moved to tears.
"I can always trust that Alice will turn anything into a party," Carlisle joked, as his eyes roamed over the people gathered around him. J had his arm draped over Alice's shoulders as they leaned against the brick barbecue. Rosalie sat in Emmett's lap, and Ness was sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of Carlisle and Esme. Bella and I were leaning against the picnic table. With her hand on the tabletop behind me, Bella thought she was being sneaky letting her fingers wander over my ass every so often, but Emmett had practically patented that shit. I just shook my head when he winked in my direction.
"But I'm so grateful she did this tonight," Carlisle continued. "Because when I opened my eyes in the hospital, my family was the first thing I saw. You don't know how much your support meant, how good it felt to be surrounded by the people I love, and to see each of you happy, supported by those that mean so much to you. At this point in my life, it's all I could ask for, and I'm truly blessed.
"So, go hold up the Cullen wall for me, because I don't think I can make it back there myself tonight."
Bella and I each held one of Nessie's hands as we carefully picked our way over roots and rocks towards the back of the property. When Nessie spotted the stone wall, she let go of our hands and took off running.
"Careful, baby!" Bella called out.
"We wouldn't want her to trip like her mom did last time," I chuckled, taking Bella's free hand in mine.
"The way you looked at me when you said procreation that day -" she giggled, glancing between me and the uneven ground beneath our feet.
"You're saying I made you trip?" I laughed. "I don't think so."
"Say it again, see what happens."
I placed my hands on Bella's hips, and tried to stop laughing. It was fucking difficult because standing there with Bella, holding her and watching her laugh was nicer than I could ever have imagined. But I managed to take it down a notch because she was giving me an in, and I was determined to make this shit happen. Waiting was for food service workers, and I didn't fucking fit the bill.
"We kind of nailed the procreation thing, B, but I still kind of think I could benefit from practice. You know, now that I've found the right person to practice with. For the sake of joy, maybe?"
Bella's smile grew as I slipped the folded prescription out of my back pocket and placed it in the palm of her hand. At this point, its edges were worn thin, dingy and tattered. I was seriously going to need to laminate that piece of paper.
"Practicing was kind of your idea, you know," I reminded her. And as fucking smooth as I was trying to be, I lost it and laughed. This time Bella didn't fall over a fucking root, which would have been weird because we were standing still, but her body did fall against mine. And despite the fact that we were both laughing, this time she was the one that didn't hold back when she kissed me. I knew from the press of her fingers, from the weight of her lips, from the heat in her eyes when I pulled away.
"That's what I was hoping you'd say," I murmured, my forehead pressed against hers.
Bella's eyes surveyed the stone wall Nessie was walking along. "You held my hand that day."
"I couldn't let you fall."
"Look, mama!" Nessie shouted from across the yard. Bella and I both jumped and our heads snapped in the little girl's direction. "There's already a Jake's beach rock! How did Car-isle get a Jake rock in a wall?" Nessie rubbed her fingers over the small purple stone Bella and I had wedged into the wall at the anniversary barbecue.
"That was our family rock," Bella murmured.
"Come on, mama an' Ewoord! Let's put our rocks in there too!"
The three of us walked along the wall looking for gaps, until each one of our rocks found a snug home. When we were finished, we stepped back to survey our handiwork. This wall probably stretched for over a mile, marking some colonial boundary line, and as far as you could see in either direction it was made of big, rough cut gray-blue stones – that is, until you came to the little portion of wall in front of us. Along this section there were small points of colorful light. The wall had changed forever, and it was my family that made it happen.
"It's a pretty wall," Ness observed as I crouched down so that we were eye level.
"You made it pretty. You and your mama," I said, kissing the little girl on her cheek.
"You helped too," Ness offered judiciously. "You an' your baby rock."
Two sets of footsteps approached crunching through dead leaves, and I looked up to see Emmett practically dragging Rosalie in our direction. My first impulse was to protect Ness from Rosalie's potential hostility, and I wrapped my arm around my girl and held her close. Bella came and stood behind us, a hand on either of our shoulders.
But as Emmett came closer my guard crumbled. He was nervous, and his eyes silently pled with me to give him a chance. I tried to remember that before Rose, Emmett was never the kind of guy to start a family argument. After that argument I knew that my behavior over the years had done its damage to our relationship, but that had never gotten in the way of Emmett relentlessly trying to include me in family vacations and dinners, and inviting me out whenever he was in town.
Tonight he looked tired, like you could see how much this fucked up situation with Rosalie was weighing on him, and I found myself wanting to do what I could to help him out. I can't say I liked Rosalie, but after dating half of Philadelphia, and god knows how many women on the road, Emmett picked her to settle down with. It had to mean something. I figured that at the very least, it meant that he loved her. A lot.
"Uh, hey guys," Emmett said as Rosalie kicked at the leaves at her feet.
"You two finish your rock thing?" I asked rising to my feet and pulling Bella and Little Bell into my arms.
Emmett grinned, probably relieved that I didn't show any signs of picking a fight. He pulled Rosalie in closer too, not that she looked too happy about it at the moment.
"Rocks. Yeah, I guess. Ours didn't end up looking as pretty as all this, though," Emmett said nodding at our section of wall. "But you were always more of a pretty boy than me."
Bella giggled.
"What?"
"Ewoord, mama thinks your eyes are pretty," Ness whispered loud enough for everyone to hear.
Emmett's laughter joined Bella's, and Bella tried to slip out of my grasp, but I held her hand tighter.
"I think she's got pretty eyes too," I whispered back to Ness.
"Mama, I know a secret!" Ness teased in her best singsong voice. Bella leaned her head against my arm, laughing and embarrassed. I'd seen her laugh more tonight than she had in weeks, and I couldn't help but think that it was a sign that this was right.
"Dude, man, look at you," Emmett chuckled. "Who would've thought?"
"Yeah, whatever, Em. You're engaged. That's… unexpected."
"Unexpected," he said, shaking his head. "Like who expected that note that Pretty Doc gave you would actually fucking work?"
"Not me," Rosalie offered dryly, the hint of a smile on her lips. I decided she was being sarcastic. It was a bold fucking move, but I could appreciate it.
"Me either," I confessed.
"I hoped," Bella said. "But I didn't figure I'd ever see you again. At least not for another six months."
"So, um, Edward," Emmett began, before he paused to silently check in with Rose about something. She gave him a small nod. "I was thinking that maybe I could show Nessie that tree I pushed you out of when we were kids."
"Why you push Ewoord?" Ness demanded. She slid out of my arms and stood in front of me with her little hands on her hips.
Emmett chuckled. "Dude, kid, you don't know what he was like before you came around."
"He say-ed a lot of bad words? More 'an he does now?" Nessie guessed.
"Bad words? Ewoord? What the heck gave you that idea?" Emmett laughed. "You want to see the tree? I could help you climb it."
Ness looked to Bella for approval before she took Emmett's big hand in hers and let him lead her away. He immediately started talking some crap about me cheating at hide-and-seek. I'd have to set Ness straight later. I didn't cheat; I was just good at that shit.
"So, um, Bell," Rose started.
"I don't want to fight tonight, Rose," Bella warned.
"Neither do I."
"Maybe I should go," I offered, looking back and forth between the two women. Climbing a tree seemed like a pretty sweet option at the moment.
"Anything that Rose has to say to me, she can say in front of you," Bella practically snarled, standing tall, staring Rosalie in the eye. Rosalie may have been a head taller, but after the shit Bella had been through, and judging by the way her hands were curled into fists, my money was on her if it came to blows.
"I wanted to talk to both of you," Rosalie clarified as she bit her lip and looked to me for help. I didn't blame her insecurity; Bella's whole body was tensed and tight, like a coiled spring ready to jump.
"Then go ahead, Rosalie," I offered. I rubbed Bella's arm, but she pulled it away instead of letting me try to soothe her.
"You know me, Bell," Rosalie began. "I'm opinionated, and loud, and I don't pull any punches, and I'm usually right.
"I beg to differ about being right," Bella spat.
"God, Bell, please I'm trying to apologize here."
"It sounds like you're making excuses, if you ask me."
"Come on, Bell, please. I can't believe that I wasn't there for you when you needed me. When I tried to get in touch with you, it was too late. I was so stuck on being right that I let it come between us. I didn't have any right to judge your relationship. I get that now.
Bella huffed, wrapping her arm around my waist.
"Edward, we got off on the wrong foot," Rose continued. "When you walked in on Emmett and me I was embarrassed, and after the stuff I heard Katie saying about you… I didn't think, this, you guys, I mean… I just thought it was about fooling around, and I didn't want Bella to get hurt, or lose her job over something so stupid."
"This is not stupid, Rosalie," Bella interrupted, pointing between the two of us. "I don't have to keep defending my relationship to you. I won't."
"You never had to. And anyway, I was really wrong. When Em told me what you did, Edward, well, I can't make what I did disappear, but I wish I could. Em feels like a shit for some of the things he said the other night, and it's pretty much all my fault. I don't want to come into a family making problems from the start."
There was a lot I could have explained to Rosalie; that she wouldn't have been wrong about me being an asshole up until about two months ago, that she never had to worry, because Bella and her daughter came first in my life, even before I understood what the fuck they were to me. Long girly speeches weren't my thing, though. I wrapped my arms around Bella, she rested her head against my chest.
"You really sucked at being a friend at the lowest point in my life," Bella stated flatly. I kissed the top of her head.
"I know, Bell."
"I can't just forget that."
"I don't expect you to. I'm so sorry about Jake, Bell. Really, really sorry."
"Yeah, me too," Bella agreed in a softer voice, her body losing the rest of its fight, leaning on me for support.
Rosalie looked like she wanted something more, but Bella had fallen silent and settled on staring at a point somewhere off in the distance. Alice's high-pitched screech cut through the uneasiness around us, as she and J raced past. Emmett's deep baritone could be heard in the distance. The words "stolen dirt bikes" stood out from the rest.
"Little Bell's never going to fucking look at me the same again, is she?" I asked no one in particular.
"A kid like that's just going to give Emmett ideas," Rose said as she turned to watch Emmett and Ness in the distance. Ness was running along a low branch, Emmett was pretending that he couldn't reach her.
"Emmett? Kids?" I laughed. "Shit, now that he's engaged, I guess anything's possible."
"Should we go save your reputation?" Bella asked looking up at me.
All it took was a second. Her eyes told me everything. Rosalie may have been the one that was engaged, but bringing Nessie here tonight meant as much as an engagement to Bella. This was the first of many family dinners at this big, old house. Eventually the back wall would be dotted with many more stones from Jacob's beach. So, this fight would have to pass. It was much smaller than the life that stretched in front of us all.
xXxXx
"Nope, he never wanted to so much as look at it, Vanessa" Esme sighed, shaking her head.
"But it's so good, Ewoord!" Ness said, taking a big bite of roast chicken. She speared another piece with her fork and held it in front of my face.
"I'll take your word on that," Little Bell I said, messing her hair and trying to push her fork away without hurting her feelings. She rolled her eyes, but popped the forkful of meat into her mouth without a fuss, and I went gratefully back to my salad.
For as long as I could remember, Esme had always gone to great pains to accommodate my fucked up diet, just so I would eat. Tonight, with her emphasis on heart-healthy food, aside from the chicken, I was in vegetarian heaven. For the first time in recent memory, I piled my plate high. I'd gone back for second and third helpings of kale and topped it with brown rice and lentil pilaf.
"Ewoord's weird," Ness giggled.
"Lot's of people are vegetarians, Ness," Bella tried to explain.
Emmett gave me an accusatory look from across the table. "You're telling me they don't know about the chee -"
"Emmett, come on," I interrupted.
"Dude, he totally ate a cheese steak because Bella told him to," Emmett announced to the table, gladly ignoring my request.
"I never told him he had to," Bella objected, chuckling in her own right.
"Whatever, Pretty Doc," Emmett joked with a roll of his eyes. "Alice, you should have seen the face Edward made when he bit into it. You'd think they served him fried shit."
"Poop!" Ness guffawed.
"Cheese steak! Edward's own personal version of 'What I did for Love,'" Alice laughed, and she launched into her rendition of the song.
"Thanks a lot, Alice," I grumbled. Apparently family dinner meant open season on Edward.
"I bet you guys don't even know about the Italian hoagie," Bella added with a chuckle.
"No shit," Emmett choked.
"Language, Emmett," Esme admonished, but her eyes were on me, wide, and pleased beyond fucking measure to hear that I'd finally eaten some animal protein. I think it may have been her life's mission, second only to having grandchildren.
"Dude, Edward, you're so whipped," Emmett laughed.
"You can all go to hell," I mumbled, keeping my eyes on my plate. I was being immature, but what I ate or didn't eat was my fucking business. Nessie plopped another forkful of chicken under my nose, and everybody at the table broke into another round of laughter at my expense.
"So, um, Bella," J piped up. It was so unusual for him to speak up in a large group that everyone turned their complete attention to him. "Alice says you're moving."
"You are?" Rose asked, practically rising to her feet.
"Umm," Bella hedged. Her laughter had evaporated and she looked like she wanted to crawl under the table. We hadn't spoken about moving since lunch in the park, and while I had some definite ideas on the subject, I hadn't shared them with Bella yet.
"Where to?" Esme asked, looking back and forth between Bella and I.
"Mama's gonna get me a yard a play in," Nessie informed Esme with a smile. My heart sank. Bella and Nessie had already talked about a new house with a yard. Where the fuck did I fit in?
"Oh," Esme said. "A yard."
"A yard is a good idea," Carlisle offered with a nod in my direction. I shook my head at him. I didn't need his encouragement, Bella did.
"Wait, a yard?" Emmett asked, his fork clattering against his plate. "Like the 'burbs? Edward in the burbs?" he laughed. "Like commuting to work in a minivan and shit?"
"Emmett," Esme chastised. "No one said they were, um, moving, um – Did they?" she asked hopefully.
"Nothing's definite yet," Bella replied almost apologetically.
"Dude, can you picture Edward stuck in traffic out on the Blue Route in his minivan? He'd be the angriest commuter on the road," Emmett chuckled, taking a big bite of chicken for good measure.
"There are law firms in the suburbs, Emmett," Carlisle countered. "He wouldn't have to commute." Everyone nodded their heads in agreement, and with just a few words from Carlisle it was like by group decree I'd be spending the rest of my life in some fourth-tier, strip mall firm out in the middle of nowhere.
Not to mention that Bella wouldn't even look at me.
"Well, he's gonna have to come into Philly one way or another for his foundation," J offered.
"Of course," Esme agreed. "Although driving into North Philly won't be easy coming from -"
"North Philly? J interrupted, perplexed. "I don't think so, Mrs. Cullen."
I tried to catch J's attention, to stop the conversation before it went any further. Bella and I hadn't spoken about this, either.
"No?" Bella asked. "Did the PLA move while I was gone?"
"Not exactly," I hedged.
"Oh my god! You haven't told her?" Alice asked in disbelief.
"Told me what?"
"From a man that convinced me to fly from Australia to have a conversation, you're kind of reticent when it comes to your own girl, aren't you?" J opined.
"It's not as simple as that," I countered.
"Edward?" Bella asked.
"J's making a donation to the PLA," Alice gushed, wrapping her arms around her boyfriend. "Isn't that the most generous thing you've ever heard?"
"That's not it at all, really," J demurred, blushing and eyeing Carlisle as he tried to keep Alice at arm's length. "I'd like to use Edward's song on my next album, so, kind of naturally, some of the proceeds would go to him, or to the PLA, if he wanted."
"Wait," Emmett cut in, "Edward's song? Since when did Edward have a song?"
"It's not a song yet," J explained, glancing over at me. "What would you call it, Edward? A melody, maybe?"
"Ewoord has lots of songs and he putted them on my pink music," Ness offered.
"I caught him playing this particular piece over at Alice's house one night," J continued. "It's the kind of melody that just stops you and fills your heart. After a listen I kind of just had to have it, and Edward gave it to me. But you can't just take a man's work like that. Especially not when it's so goddamned pretty. Excuse my language, Mrs. Cullen, but it is… goddamned pretty."
I'm not sure if everyone was staring at J with wide open mouths because it was the most we'd ever heard him speak at one time, or because they were trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about. I'd never played piano for anyone but my mother, except for that one time that Alice…
"I caught you!" Alice exclaimed, completing my thought in that uncanny way of hers. "Was it the song I caught you playing, Edward?"
"You play the piano?" Bella, Nessie, Emmett and Carlisle all asked at once.
"You still remember?" Esme asked.
"You knew, Esme?" She'd never breathed a word of it.
"Your mother told me a long time ago, but you were so young, and your fa-, I mean, no one else ever mentioned it again."
"Well, Edward plays piano, alright," J chuckled, "but it's by ear. He can't write music to save his life."
"It's that song, isn't it?" Bella asked quietly, reaching around Ness, touching my shoulder. "That was you?"
I nodded, embarrassed, overwhelmed and suddenly too exposed to explain that I'd never closed my eyes and daydreamed the way I had with my mom until Bella was in my life, and how those dreams and emotions translated to piano keys, how feelings came through notes, how she brought me back to myself.
I looked at my plate.
"What does this have to do with North Philly, though?" Carlisle asked.
"There's a possible opportunity," I began hesitantly, conscious that Bella's hand was still on my shoulder. "A judge suggested something recently." I may have been speaking to everyone at the table, but the words were for Bella, words I hadn't had a chance to say yet. "He saw a way that I could expand the PLA, focus its mission, and work to turn around the lives of kids on the street. But I didn't have the funding."
"There's this big old run-down place out in the West end," J cut in, eagerly picking up where I left off. "The city's ready to give him a sweet-ass deal. It's a hell of a lot bigger than a P.O. Box, more permanent than an old high school."
"I still don't know if I could pull it off, though. I mean, it would take time, B. A lot of fucking time. And money. When what I should really be going after is something dependable for you and the-"
But I stopped when Bella's fingers dug into my shoulder.
"I don't know if the timing's right," I finished, glancing up at her, hoping that she wasn't angry that I'd kept all this to myself.
"When did this all happen?" Bella asked, her eyes lit with something I couldn't quite place. "Edward?"
"There hasn't really been the time to talk."
"Either way, with this money, Edward, this is huge." Her eyes sparkled in the light from the chandelier. She was beautiful, beaming… proud. That's what it was. She was proud. And I wanted to kiss her. Her approval meant so much, more than whether or not I went ahead with Judge O'Conner's idea.
"Do you have a business plan?" Esme asked.
"I don't have a place to live, Esme," I replied, still caught up in the light reflected from Bella's eyes. "And up until Wednesday I wasn't sure if I had a girlfriend."
"I could have told you that much, dear. Now, you get yourself a business plan, and you come present this idea to me properly, and we'll see what we can do about matching funds. You and J certainly shouldn't be in this alone."
"Yay!" Alice cheered, taking the opportunity to give J a congratulatory kiss. "This is going to be awesome. I just know it."
Carlisle looked like he was going to put in his two cents, when the doorbell interrupted us.
"Alice, did you invite someone else?" Esme asked, rising to her feet.
Alice shook her head. "Do you want me to get it, mom?"
"No, no, excuse me, everyone. I'll be right back. Dinnertime. I can't imagine -" she muttered. "Common courtesy…"
"I'm done, mama," Ness announced a few minutes later. The kid had cleared her plate. I honestly didn't know how that much food fit into a tiny body. "I gonna go find Essme!" She jumped up from her seat and dashed towards the hall.
Bella pushed her chair away from the table, but I beat her to her feet. "Finish your food, baby. I'll go after her."
"Who that?" I heard Ness ask, as I wandered towards the front of the house.
"Vanessa, this is an old friend of mine, Sasha Denali. Sasha, meet Vanessa Swan."
"Vanessa?" Sasha asked. "Vanessa?"
"You say-ed my name funny," Ness commented.
I hurried to the entryway.
I found Esme standing with a potted plant and a card and a balloon. Sasha wore too much make-up and a fur jacket and a dumbstruck look on her face. She couldn't take her eyes off of Little Bell, who was standing at her feet in her ridiculous bright orange jumpsuit.
"Vanessa?" she asked again.
"Mama calls me Nessie. Or Ewoord calls me L'il Bell."
"Edward?" Sasha asked, her eyes scanning the hallway and settling on me. Apparently she'd been reduced to one-word utterances.
"Sasha. It's been a while," I said, walking over to the three of them, picking Little Bell up in my arms. Tanya's mother couldn't look away.
"Sasha came to give her regards to Carlisle," Esme explained curtly. "And a plant."
"That was kind," I offered.
"It was," Esme agreed.
"This is Vanessa," Sasha said, taking a deep breath.
"Edward? Did you find her?" Bella called. A second later she was at my side, stopping short in front of Sasha.
"Little Bell was just saying hello to Sasha," I explained. Bella's hand settled on my arm, Sasha watched.
"Ewoord, can I see a pictures when you had funny hair again? When you were a l'il boy? Pa-lease?"
"Absolutely, Little Bell. What about you, B? Want to come hang out in my room?"
"Carlisle wanted to see me in his office."
"That man and his work," Esme huffed.
"We'll make it quick, Esme. I promise," Bella offered, and with a quick kiss to my cheek, she rushed off down the hall.
"Well, Sasha, I'll uh, leave you and Esme to it, then."
I'd never seen Sasha at a loss for words before, and it was somewhat satisfying.
"Bye, Sasha!" Nessie called as I carried her down the hall. "Ewoord, why she lookin' at me like that?"
xXxXx
Bella was still locked away with Carlisle when Nessie and I made our way back downstairs. She'd laughed herself sleepy as we looked through pictures of me with a mohawk, with black hair, with purple hair, with a shaved head, and when I was going through chemo and I hadn't had to shave my hair at all. Alice and J toted Nessie off to the kitchen where they were putting together dessert, and I settled back at the table across from Emmett. Esme busied herself clearing away the last remnants of dinner, humming and happy despite the fact that her husband was still discussing business with Bella.
"Dude, I cannot believe Sasha showed up," Emmett said, pausing to take a swig of his beer. "She has nerve, huh, mom?"
"She was quite pleasant, dear," Esme said with a wicked smile. "She was determined to try to mend fences, and somewhat surprised to see so many cars in the drive. Yet she seemed even more surprised to meet Vanessa. Do you know what that was about, Edward?"
"I'm pretty sure their family was under the impression I was cheating on Bella with someone named Vanessa," I muttered to my glass of water.
Emmett sprayed the beer he was drinking clear across the table. "Shit, that's priceless, dude," he laughed, wiping beer from his lap.
"Tanya will be disappointed," Esme commented. "Perhaps sometime in the future I'll feel sorry for her." She patted my shoulder before she left the room.
"So, what do you think they're talking about in there?" Emmett asked, casting his eyes nervously down the hall.
"The practice, I guess," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. I was worried that Carlisle and Bella were also going over their options if something happened to Bella's license, but I didn't want to discuss any of that shit with my cousin.
"With Rosie, though?" Emmett asked.
"Rosalie?"
"Yeah, she's in there too. Maybe dad's more sick than he's letting on," Emmett guessed as his foot tapped nervously on the ground. I noticed he'd been tying his napkin in knots. But he tried to pull himself back together when Esme came back into the dining room with a glass of wine.
She collapsed into a chair and kicked off her shoes under the table. "You boys have made me very happy tonight."
"Cause we're getting laid?" Emmett asked with a chuckle.
"If that were the case, Emmett, Esme would have been overjoyed from the time you turned thirteen. It's because we're settled."
"Dude, you were settled with Tanya forever. I don't know if that made mom happy."
Esme chose to ignore our comments all together, instead concentrating on her wine. "Carlisle might never admit this out loud, but I think he was always a bit disappointed that none of you decided to follow in his footsteps."
"He didn't care so much about us getting laid, then?" Emmett asked. Esme pretended she didn't hear the question.
"But seeing you both settle down with doctors, I think that's made up for it somewhat. But let me tell you, it's not always easy. They work and work and work, until they work themselves sick. Are you two ready for it? For being married to physicians?"
I choked on my water.
"Married?" Emmett sputtered, staring across the table at me.
"Or what have you," Esme replied with a knowing look on her face and another pat on my shoulder.
"He told you, didn't he," I sighed.
"I don't know what you're talking about dear. I should check on dessert."
xXxXx
Bella was excited when I caught her in the hallway leaving Carlisle's office.
"Ness is falling asleep, baby," I explained. In response, Bella wrapped her arms around my neck and surprised me with a kiss - a hands knotted in my hair, body pressed against body, lips parted, heart-stopping kiss.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"Let's talk tonight."
"Talk?" I asked, eyeing her hand on my hip.
"Talk, yeah. We need to talk. About this thing with the PLA and J and the judge, and about where we're going to live, and about my job."
"Did Carlisle hear something from the ethics panel?"
"No, not yet. But if I get to keep my license, I just talked to Carlisle about it, and things could really change for me, and us, and I need to talk to you about it before I agree." Bella was so excited that the words were bubbling out of her mouth.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I know," she confessed. "Please, honey, please let's talk. Let's get this figured out because I'm tired of doing everything backwards."
"You're right, baby. There's a lot that we've been too scared to say, I think. I'll follow you home. Ness is half-asleep in Esme's arms. Let's go."
Ness wouldn't let Bella hold her on the way to the car, though, insisting that I carry her instead. I did my best hugging everyone goodnight with a little girl in my arms. I promised J that I'd be in touch again before he left town.
Bella got caught speaking to Rosalie, so I made my way down to her car alone to get Ness strapped in to her seat.
"Ewoord, mama say-ed we're goin' a try a be a family," Ness said sleepily as I settled her into the car.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she yawned.
"We started tonight, I think," I smiled as I tightened the straps.
"Sooo," Nessie hesitated. "So, I think you need a big bed. An' I think you need a sleep in it. Like a daddy does." She looked so nervous, almost shaking in her seat, looking me in the eye, dead fucking serious.
"I pretty much agree," I laughed.
"Then when 'ill you get it, Ewoord?"
"I'm working on it, Little Bell."
She sighed and rested her head in her small hands. "Good."
"You know I love you, right?"
"I do, Ewoord."
"And big beds or no big beds, I'll always make sure to be there for you if you want me there. I'm going to do my best to make that official. Because you're important to me."
Her eyes lit up. "Will you -" But she didn't finish and hid her face in her little hands, instead.
"Little Bell?"
"Willyou bemydaddy ina takesalongtimeway?" she very quickly mumbled into her hands.
"Excuse me?"
"WILLYOU BEMYDADDY INA TAKESALONGTIMEWAY?"
"That's what we're going to try, sweetheart.
Nessie's head snapped up, her big eyes sparkling with tears and hope. "Really?"
"I promise."
"You keep your promises."
"I do."
xXxXx
After a night like that, it was nearly fucking impossible to keep my brain focused on mundane shit like steering, speed limits, blinkers and lane changes. I didn't really know how I made it back to Bella's neighborhood, but I managed it in record fucking time as my mind charged ahead with thoughts of my future – our future together.
Life was changing again and it was finally turning into something good, something that Bella and I both wanted. We were going to talk about it. At her house. At night. From the first time I'd gone to Bella's house to talk, we'd always ended up more than talking, or often enough, not really talking at all.
But the shit we had to talk about tonight was important; and talking was the right thing to do. While finally peeling that black dress away from Bella's tits and burying my dick inside her seemed like the epitome of the word "right", I knew that tonight wasn't the night. Not on her couch, not in Jacob Black's bed. No, tonight I had to think with my head instead of my dick. Tonight we could lay the foundation for our lives… together, hopefully.
I wasn't surprised when I walked up the steps to Bella's house to find that she wasn't there yet. I was glad she hadn't driven as fast as I had with Ness in the car. I still had a key to the house, but I decided letting myself in would be presumptuous, so I took a seat on the steps, thinking about how pretty Bella looked when she walked out of Carlisle's office earlier. She'd looked excited and overwhelmed, and I was pretty sure that Carlisle offered her the practice. I was so fucking proud of her. I knew Carlisle wouldn't just give his life's work away, and that he'd seen how intelligent and capable she was.
I was so lost in thought, that I didn't pay any mind to anything going on around me. Not to the footsteps echoing in my direction, or when they stopped, or to the pair of brown boots at the edge of my line of vision. But the sound of a metallic click caught my attention. The unmistakable sound of a gun being cocked was something I'd never forget, not since the first time I heard it as a kid on the street, and I jumped to my feet and backed up against Bella's door.
Her frizzy hair looked like an explosion and her pupils were the size of pinpoints. Victoria took slow, measured steps in my direction. Her shaky hand held a small, silver revolver, and she had her finger on the trigger.
I went to pull my phone out of my pocket, but Victoria raised the gun.
"I don't think so, Mr. Masen," she hissed.
"Jesus Christ."
"Where's your little lady friend, Mr. Masen?" Victoria asked.
All I could think was that Bella and Little Bell would be there any minute.
"Put the gun down, Victoria. Put the gun down and walk away."
"I'm not an idiot, Mr. Masen. I'm artsy, unpredictable, devoted to my big brother, but I'm not an idiot. If I walk, you'll call the cops. So, it's not going to happen."
"But if you shoot me, someone's going to see or hear, and they'll call the cops. You're not getting away with it this time, Victoria."
"I've seen how the cops work in this town. If I kill you, they won't have a clue."
Even though there was a junkie with the gun pointed at me, or maybe because there was a junkie with a gun pointed at me, I laughed. Victoria had a point. Who would hire the private investigators to solve my murder?
"Isabella got lucky with you," Victoria said as I laughed like a maniac. "You're different from the little boy."
"You mean the one you killed?"
"He was after James. I don't let people fuck with the ones I love. No one's fucked with my family more than Isabella has. I told her what would happen if she screwed with James, and now my brother's in prison. Now I'm here, keeping my promise."
"James is in prison because he covered up your murder, Victoria, not to mention what he did to his wife and child." I eyed the gun and tried to inch towards Victoria, but she immediately raised the gun higher, aiming it for my chest.
"You don't get it, do you? If it weren't for Isabella, none of this would have ever happened. James would have a normal life. Jake would be alive. I wouldn't be in hiding. I wouldn't have to shoot you."
After that, the world moved in slow motion. The gun fired and Victoria's hand recoiled, but the sound and the sight of it were oddly out of synch. I held my breath, waiting for the pain, but instead, the sound of the bullet hitting brick sent me diving in Victoria's direction. I managed to grab her free arm, and she flung herself towards the street. But I held on and tried to wrench her arm behind her back at the same time I avoided the muzzle of the loaded gun.
The neighbor's door opened, and Jess's husband stepped outside to see what was going on. The second gunshot took me by surprise, and I dropped Victoria's arm. It seemed to take her by surprise as well. She stood next to me staring at the growing puddle of blood on the steps next door. It was redder than I would have figured, and messier; we'd both been splattered. Jess shrieked from inside the house, and somehow that reminded me that I could move.
I lunged forward, searching for a bullet wound, then applying pressure to the man's thigh.
"Victoria!" a nearby voice demanded, and in the moment it didn't make any sense at all.
"Shit!" I yelled as my hands slipped and blood spurted in my face.
That's what it took to remind Victoria that her limbs worked, and she took off running down the street, still holding the gun. Suddenly Jessica was kneeling next to me crying, clutching her husband's hand. "Jess, call the cops. And an ambulance. Now, Jess, go. Please."
"Victoria!" The voice screamed again. It finally registered that Bella was there. She was calling out Victoria's name.
"Mama?" came a sleepy voice from just behind me, and I craned my head to see Little Bell standing on the sidewalk, staring off into the distance.
"Victoria!" Bella cried again. Her voice came from the direction where Nessie was staring and my heart jumped in my chest. I nearly forgot about the wounded man and leapt to my feet. In the confusion I'd missed that Bella had run after Victoria.
"Hold his leg, Jess. Press down hard," I instructed her in a hurry. She was still on her cell phone, so keeping pressure on the wound was close to impossible, but at that moment, this man's life took a back fucking seat to Bella's.
"Hey, Nessie," I said quietly as I quickly scooped her up in my arms and stepped gingerly over Mike and Jessica. "I need you to go inside and find Jonah, okay? Go play with Jonah until me and your mommy come back."
"But I scared, Ewoord," she protested, clutching me.
"I know baby. But Jonah is too. Would you help him to feel better?" I pried her fingers from my shoulders and her legs folded underneath her as I lowered her to the ground. "I have to go, Little Bell. I'll be back."
"Okay, Ewoord," she cried, curling into a ball. "Okay."
Chasing Bella was a ridiculous idea, because the woman could run like the fucking wind. It meant I'd never catch up to her, but she'd most definitely catch up to Victoria, who was high with a loaded gun. I heard sirens in the distance, but they were much too far off to do Bella any good.
As soon as I rounded the corner, I could see them. There were about ten yards between Bella and Victoria, but Bella was closing in.
"Bella!" I tried to shout, but it came out as more of a garbled gasp. After the gunshot and the blood everywhere, and sprinting as fast as I possibly could, I could hardly make any sound come out of my mouth at all, except for my gasps for air. So I ran in silence, hoping my footfalls would maybe make Bella turn and change her mind. They didn't.
Instead, it was like watching one of those dreams where you were powerless to prevent what was happening in front of your eyes. As soon as Bella was within reach of Victoria, she dove, catching the ends of her frizzy orange hair.
I jumped, like I suddenly thought I had the power to leap twenty yards and shield Bella from a bullet. But I didn't, and I heard the gun go off and I saw them hit the pavement, and there was blood again. Everywhere again.
I kept running, my sight blurred by the tears in my eyes. The only sound besides my steps and the approaching sirens was bone breaking and skin thumping, over and over.
"This is for Jake, you bitch."
"Bella," I gasped.
"For what you did to me, and Billy,"
"Bella." I kneeled beside her in the growing pool of blood.
"And Ness, and Rebecca, and Rachel -" With each name Bella pounded Victoria's face into the street again. Blood splattered as Victoria's wet hair whipped, and as her face smashed into the pavement.
"She's dead, Bella," I tried explaining. But I couldn't make a move to stop her for a second, or a minute, or an hour. I froze and freaked the fuck out.
"For Leah, and Sue, and my dad."
"Bella, Bella, baby," I said quietly, calmly, finally pushing through the fear, clasping her shoulders, running my bloodstained hands down her arms to her hands. Tears ran down Bella's face and dripped into the shiny red stream. She sobbed and shook as I pulled her hands from Victoria's hair, and then she collapsed against me crying, staring at her hands, and then screaming as she noticed what she was kneeling in. I pulled her away, pulled her into my lap, kissed her blood stained forehead, pushed her sticky hair behind her ears.
Her frantic eyes found mine. "I thought it was you," she mumbled. "I thought it was you. I thought it was you."
There were suddenly sirens, and lights reflecting off of the wet street in front of us. Boots rushed around us. I wouldn't let go of Bella, and I hoped they wouldn't try to make me. They'd have had to pry her from my arms.
"She's dead," Bella sobbed. "She's dead. And it's not enough."
A/N: So... The Practice of Love has been nominated for SIX Walk of Fame Awards. (Angst Goddess, Mistress of Mystery, Rising Starlet, Hopelessly Devoted, Magical Moniker - for Little Bell, and Hot Lips - for Bella and Edward's first kiss). Wow. Thanks. There are a million nominees in each category, give or take one or two, but if you'd like to vote for TPoL, I'd be really, really grateful. Here's the link: http:/twinklingswfa . blogspot . com/p/voting . html
I've signed up to write TPoL out takes for The Fandom Against Domestic Violence, FGB for Autism Awareness, and Fandom Fights the Floods... I'll post information about making a donation and reading more about B, E, Little Bell & the peanut with the next couple of updates.
As always, thank you so much for your reviews! I really appreciate it. Thanks so much to Lindz and fuzzyltlwinged thing for making this look pretty as Edward's eyes. Okay, maybe not that pretty. Until next week, xxx, M