A/N: I'm so sorry it took me this long to update this story. Real life gets in the way. Also, I'm not happy with this chapter. I wrote it maybe a year ago and back then I was already finding it a bit too OCC. I guess I'm not really good with writing subtle romance. I think there is too much blah blah and it takes away the focus of the chapter. Also, I think that at this point Brian and Justin are beyond that kind of concern, BUT they are also at this stage where they can talk about things they would never have talked about before...I'll let you be the judge.

I wish you all a happy holiday and Merry Christmas to those of you who celebrate it.

Chapter 36: That was the deal.

Week 7, Later that same night, the loft

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

A great love: a love that changes you, that shakes you to your core, after which you're never the same.

After a quick ride from Liberty Avenue back to Tremont, Brian helped a tipsy Justin getting rid of his coat in the elevator before entering the loft. As Brian was still pretty quiet, Justin took his courage in both hands and apologized:

"I'm sorry for… Emmett."

"Why? You had fun." Justin wasn't sure if the latter part was a statement or a question but decided to answer anyway, with a cautious "Yeah."

"Well that's all that matters. I'm happy you had fun."

Brian seemed sincere but Justin knew how good of an actor his lover could be and stammered:

"It's just that… you know… I know we don't have rules per se anymore, but… but it's been a while since I kissed anyone but you and now that the buzz is slowly dying down, I kinda feel… guilty."

"Don't."

"But…"

"The only "but" we'll see tonight is yours, most definitely naked."

"It's…"

"I know Justin and it's okay" insisted Brian, emphasizing his words by placing both of his hands on Justin's shoulders and looking straight into the artist's eyes. "It was just for fun and it's Emmett. I'm not mad or anything."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"But if it hadn't been Emmett…"

"But it was…"

"But if…"

"What did I say about buts Justin?"

"That you like them?" the little twat answered with a grin.

Brian smirked back and moved to the fridge.

"What about you?"

"What?"

"How many men have you kissed since that "deal"?"

Brian stopped dead in his track. They never had that conversation before. He certainly didn't want to have it now. It was pointless, wasn't it? Water under the bridge or some shit like that. They hadn't had this rule since the fucking fiddler. He fleetingly wondered why he didn't want to discuss this. Was it because Justin never held on to his own rule -which pissed him off to no end- even though he could understand the reasons - he was young, less experienced: he should have the right to enjoy kissing men; he was always more sensitive and pliant and blah fucking blah- or was it because he didn't want Justin to know that he on the other end, had always kept his end of the bargain, despite Justin breaking it over and over again? Yes, maybe if Justin had not indulged himself several times, he could have easily admitted that he hadn't kissed any man other than the blond in the last four years, but Justin had indeed broken the rules, and fuck it if the adman was going to appear weak.

Justin studied intently his lover's face. He had always believed that Brian had kept his part of the deal, because that was the kind of a man he was, but he had always wanted to know. He knew with complete certainty that Brian loved him and only him and that kissing someone else wouldn't mean anything, like kissing Michael –which Justin didn't consider in his calculation: Mickey was a friend, it was different, like kissing Emmett had being for Justin just a moment ago- except that it would, because if it was nothing, why would Brian even feel interested in doing it? As he watched Brian's frozen face, a dreaded thought invaded him and he wanted to take back his question; badly. They had been apart for eight months, which was a long time, especially without being able to kiss, so maybe… Justin had to stop this train of thought right now, because now he was also thinking of the six months he had been in LA…Justin knew that in this matter he would have no right to be offended or hurt because he had kissed several guys, more awfully so that during those times the deal was still on*. But he knew he would be hurt because that was the kind of man he was.

So yeah, he had been convinced that Brian had not kissed anyone else since they set the rules, but now his mind wondered. Four years was a really long time. There was also that time when they were separated and Justin was living with and fucking and kissing the same guy over and over again; a man that he had left Brian for, a man he had cheated on Brian with. Even back then Justin was reluctant to think about Brian kissing his tricks. He would have had every right and every reason to and Justin could never blame him for that, but in the same time the romantic twat he had always been, found somehow, well, really fucking romantic to think that even maybe back then, Brian, despite his hurt and anger, had stayed faithful to Justin in this aspect. So now, Justin was seconds away from finally knowing the truth and he kinda regretted "not knowing" already. He wanted to hold on to that faithful wish and…

'Fuck it!', thought Brian. Justin had already had him doing far stupidest things than to admit:

"One." Brian stated then paused. He was facing Justin and he could see the blond holding his breath. "I have kissed only one man since that night."

One. ONE. Did he mean Michael? Or some other guy…

Brian could see the thoughts racing quickly in his lover's mind, so he cleared them away.

Looking pointedly in the blue eyes he said: "You."

'You', just 'you'; which mean 'me', Justin analyzed. Just 'me'. 'Just me'. He only has kissed him in all those years. He couldn't smile, even less talk. He just stupidly nodded. Then he looked at the beautiful man standing in front of him and repeated "Me". Once again, Brian had granted his wildest stupidly romantic wish.

People said that from the two of them Justin was the one more inclined to romance and beautiful, heartfelt words, but they were all wrong. They didn't know shit. Because his man could beat the crap of all the writers and poets and composers of the entire planet with only one word: 'You'.

Wanting to make sure Brian knew how amazing this revelation was to him, the young man closed the distance between the two of them. He was not going to scare him or make him regret telling him by explaining to the tall man how beautifully romantic the fact that he held on to his promise through all those years and separations was. So, he just looked up to his partner, storing in his mind the shy expression and softness he saw there and took his hand. He pulled him to the bedroom, now walking perfectly straight; as if all effects of alcohol had definitely left him.

Brian let the artist guiding him to their bed. He was so tired of always having to fight to keep his composure. Tonight it'd let it go. Tomorrow he would go back to his usual self, but tonight, tonight he would be the man Justin needed him to be. Just for tonight.

** Do not scream in horror, I'm talking about Eric (Virgin boy) in episode 208 and Ethan. I guess we could also include Cody somehow*