Soulfrenzy

Chapter 35 - Paying More Attention

"You're sure you want to do this?" Raven made it sound more like a statement than a question.

Robin nodded. "This is what we have to do. Consider it an order."

"Very well."

The four of them - Cyborg and Starfire, in addition to Raven and himself - stood atop the roof of Jump City General Hospital. It was all they could do to avoid the swarm of reporters down below.

"Good luck, man," Cyborg said, taking a position next to Raven. "You too, Star."

Starfire smiled gratifyingly, but Cyborg saw right through it. There was something in his eye that made Robin sure of it, but he was letting Robin handle it. He appreciated that.

"Azarath, metrion, zinthos…" Raven chanted. A black disc formed beneath her and Cyborg.

"We'll see you both soon," Robin added, smiling faintly.

Raven glanced down at him as she ascended. "Don't get your hopes up."

She couldn't see it through the mask, but Robin rolled his eyes. The disc turned and sped off, making for the distant shell that was Titans Tower. He sighed - he couldn't wait to rebuild it, to put all of this behind them. But there was something else that needed rebuilding first.

"We shall begin the pursuit of Raguil now, yes?" Starfire asked. "Do you have any of the ideas about his possible location?"

"Maybe," Robin replied. "But I want to talk to you about something first."

The orange skin of her cheeks darkened. "You… and what is that?"

"Come on, let's sit down." He heard her swallow as he turned around. He walked to the door to the roof and sat in its shade, patting the concrete beside him. "You're not in trouble, I promise."

The giggle he had hoped for did not come. Starfire walked - she hadn't hovered anywhere for a few minutes now - and let herself fall in place beside him.

"What is it you wish to discuss?" she asked. He almost smirked - he'd interrogated a lot of people in his career. The innocence with which she spoke was fake almost to the point of cuteness.

"I think you know," he said. He reached over to one of her crossed arms and took her hand, a gesture he wouldn't have even thought of months ago. "You haven't been yourself, Star. Ever since Raguil got out, you've been… distant. What happened?"

"I have been myself," Starfire replied. "Could I be anyone else but myself?"

"Looks like you found a way. You just seemed… rattled."

Starfire's eyes darted upward and to the left before she spoke again. Her lying tick. "I assure you, Robin, I am nothing like a rattle. I wish only to find Slade and put an end to his evil plans."

He kept staring at her. No wiggle room this time. "You mentioned that the creature used some kind of psionic power on you. Was it that?"

To his surprise, she pulled her hand from his. "Robin, do not try to create truth that is not there. I am alright, you do not need to be concerned for me, and I am not a baby's toy!"

He waited for the denial to pass. She huffed and turned from him, gazing out across the Jump City skyline as the sun set. It did not take her long to look back down at her feet.

"Everything is not alright. I am not alright, I do not know how to explain why I am not alright, and I am very much like a rattle."

"Start with the beginning," he said, taking back her hand. She responded by grasping his with both, and though he could tell she was taking care not to hurt him, it was firmer than any handshake he'd ever had. "What happened to you in the tower while I was unconscious?"

"It is not that alone," she murmured. "When we first fought Ra- the creature, it was most aggressive. I remember it striking and striking, and I… I did not know when it… when it… when it would stop and…" Her voice got shakier and shakier as she went, until she couldn't go on. Her tears streaming, Robin pulled her into his shoulder, and she let him. He had seen Starfire cry before, but… she was sobbing, shaking even, like nothing he had ever seen.

But he also understood now. She had been holding this back since waking up. The fact that he hadn't seen it until now was… it brought tears to his eyes. And the last time he cried was…

It was with her. On the rooftop of Titan's Tower, the anniversary of his family's… falling. She'd been there for him that day, he remembered it clearly, when nobody else could come quite close enough. In that moment, he realized something - this was what it was all about. It wasn't about going on dates, or buying gifts, or even preferential treatment.

It's being there for each other. It's knowing things about each other that nobody else does.

"I… I was terrified… I am still…" she gasped. "On Earth, I am powerful. There has never been something that could do such things. And when it invaded my mind, I saw it all again. In endless ways, it wanted to… to kill me in endless ways…"

Robin held her tight as she degenerated into sobs again. They just sat there for a long time, saying nothing, feeling the closeness of their bodies and taking comfort in that.

"I could not tell you," she murmured. "On Tamaran, such feelings would be laughed at. I know that such things are more acceptable on Earth, but… I did not wish to burden you."

"Starfire…" Robin leaned back so that he could look into her eyes. "You're my girlfriend. Even if you weren't, you're still on the team. I worry about you when you save me. And besides," he gestured to the permanent claw mark on his face, "you're not the only one Raguil left a mark on. He got us all pretty good. But that's okay; we'll face it together. Like we always do."

Starfire sniffed and leaned her head against his shoulder. "So Earth boys do not mind when their friend that is a girl is scared?"

Robin smirked. "No, Starfire, they don't. Actually, I think they like it; it makes them feel brave."

She snapped her eyes up at him. "You are… happy that I am frightened?"

"What? No, that's not what I meant!"

"Then it is only other Earth boys that like it when girls are frightened?"

"Yes! Well, I mean, some of them do, not all of them, and not in the way you…" He trailed off, looking back into her flat expression. "You know what, I'm just gonna stop right now."

Starfire smirked slightly as she laid her head back against his shoulder. "That would likely be best."