A/N I've been busy reading some books, so I'm sorry that I haven't updated. Well, I was a pit tired of FF as well, because people pretty often marked out things that I thought were written down quite clearly. So I went back into the beginning and reread (now I've done first 10 chapters plus 25th). I didn't rewrite facts or any events in general, but tried to add son insights and spell better the things that are important to me.
For me it sounded as it was down clear enough that Ana's POVs are written by Ana as she would write a journal – so I don't sugarcoat anything, but she does, unconsciously so! She, as any other human, remembers things through pinpoints. If you feel terribly days and days on, then the sharpest memory you have contains the one short episode of laugh and vice versa. I give you an example from my own life:
It was few months after my divorce and I pretty much felt like shit all day long. I remember, how lifting my daughter up, seemed so hard and how all the days it was like a constant raining. I remember dark sky in nature more than sunny. But one night, when I had sent my daughter to bed and I curled up in mine, crying a river over my misery. Suddenly my daughter (4y) appeared next to me, she pulled me into hug, rested her head on my back and whispered something like: "Mommy is my darling!" I laid there and cried even harder, because it was so beautiful and warm. So from that day I have no recollection what so ever over the topics that made me cry (might be the loneliness or feeling unwanted, lack of money, hardship at university, problems at work, general doubting in myself…), I don't remember because it really didn't matter to me! At least no more and no less than the misery in previous day or the upcoming next. What did and still does matter is the feeling of being loved. I remember in details how softly my daughter held me, the warmth of her head on my back, singing sound of her voice... And these were the things that helped me through the period of divorce and struggle between being a single parent in a city without my family. The positive things were the ones that I remember and they were the ones that let me finish my studies and gain my MSc. Rain didn't stop that quickly, but whenever I tell the story I keep saying that, yes it was rainy, but everybody knows that single parenting, studing, working and surviving is hard. So I pick these more important thing between and talk about those even longer.
So:
1. Ana don't get it easy in any way and if these remarks about hard times are not readable enough - I probably haven't written them clear enough. And I haven't stress the journal part hard enough. I'll try to do better.
2. Give me about 5-6 chapters for them to be together again... or at least start communicating again. They had more than two weeks together, two terrible days to feed all their inner monsters and it takes time... But two smart people, who have tha increadible pull between them, can work their things theough. Scars will be forever, but love will also stay. Just give them time to heal (at least few months in story time).
3. I CHANGED ONE FACT IN CH25 - what was 10, is now 5 - still brutal enough and definitely not over reacted. (I also added some thoughts in there) If someone is brave enough and wants to tell me, if it got better, then you are welcomed!
4. People discussed whether Christian panicked or not - I looked reviews and thought, that I wrote it out quite straight - apparently not clear enough, that's why I repeated the dialogue.
I hope to come with next chapter out in next couple of days and I will continue rereading the old ones (fix typos and add explanations and I won't change stated facts or sequences). An, oh, almost forgot! Last guest, it's for you: this is not a joke! Or if it is, then it's on me.